 It's so good to see you here. Thanks for coming out. This is the penultimate session of the network of Ensemble Theater's National Symposium. How's everybody doing? You having a good weekend? What an amazing weekend. It's so exciting to to be with so many theater artists who are experimenting in the forums and kind of exploring what ensemble can be. You know, so thanks for that. My name is Megan Carney and I use she, her, and her pronouns and I'm the director of the Gender and Sexuality Center at the University of Illinois, Chicago and I'm also adjunct faculty there in the School of Theater Music and I'm an Ensemble member with Rivendell Theater Ensemble, which is a professional theater company here in Chicago dedicated to advancing women through the arts. Yeah, that's good. We've been at it for a while too, and you're going to hear from a lot of us. We've got a lot of voices in the room today and when we got this invitation to come to net and I want to say a special thanks to Alicia, Shereen, and Park and net board members who, you know, really stepped up and pulled this whole thing together because it's really exciting for us to get to share this work in this kind of space and hear from all of you. You know, this Women at War, this session around Rivendell Theater's Women at War is really meant to sort of reveal some of the layers of this experience that we've been having as artists working on this project and we want to bring some storytelling into the room, we want to bring some performance into the room, and then a town hall discussion with all of you. So we're going to use our 90 minutes together to kind of reveal that process, invite you into a more complicated conversation about women in the military than many of us get to have, usually. Then it is happening in a lot of our media and then really hear some of your perspectives with what we have to share. So in order to get us started, I want to bring up two of my phenomenal collaborators. Tara Mallon, Artistic Director of Rivendell Theater Ensemble and Miyosha Thomas, one of our storytellers, a veteran and entrepreneur who runs One Savvy Veteran. Welcome, Tara and Miyosha. All right. So, you know, we wanted to kick off today first thinking about why women at war and then show you excerpts, really specific cuttings from the play as what it is, and then the town hall kind of going at the how we made it. So here we'll tell a little bit of different points of view, Artistic Director, Storyteller, why women at war. Tara, you want to kick us off? And I said, like military style, two to three minutes, and I will cut you off. She will cut me off, too. So again, my name is Tara. I'm the founder and the Artistic Director at Rivendell. And I, in 1996, we had the incredible great fortune to meet my friend Anne McGravy, who's sitting right over there, who served in the Women's Royal Naval Service during World War II. It was the first show that we produced was her semi-autobiographical play Wrens. And it dealt with what happened to women during World War II in regards to employment and how it just opened the doors up for women. And then what happened on V.E. Day when the doors kind of then shut. It was a really amazing opportunity to work with 10 women in the room and was with us every day. And it was really our first major show. It kind of put Rivendell on the scene here in Chicago in the storefront community. And it really informed who we have become as a company, which is we're really interested in developing new work from the ground up. We're really adamant about working with the playwright whenever possible. And we work as an ensemble. Flash forward, you know, we're a 22-year-old company. So flash forward about 12 years. I was invited to come to DePaul and work with a group of nine women because as Chicago's premier women's company, I must have tons of play with roles for women, right? I was like, well, there's quilters. So at the time I had been reading an incredible book called The Lonely Soldier, which was a series of interviews by Helen Benedict of women coming back from Iraq. And she very graciously gave us the book and the interviews. And we crafted a small piece at DePaul. It was very successful. And the first, as we were putting it all together, I brought several of the student actors with me up to a Marine Recruiting Station to get some posters to hang as our, we were doing our own set, to hang as our set. And of the 10 posters in this Marine Recruiting Station, eight of them were women. And I was like, what the heck is that? And the gentleman who was working in the Recruiting Station said to me, what are the last damn frontier? We're out of people. So I guess we got to take them. I was like, that's wonderful. So shortly thereafter, I was invited to go to the Goodman and be a part of another program where we did a series of readings and we used my DePaul students and we were kind of, and somebody called me and said, well, I hear the other person doing all the work with the female veterans in Chicago. And I was like, I am okay. We did the, we did, I got the script. I was so excited. I met the Goodman. I have a packed theater. I had met a bunch of colleagues who were female veterans that we'd gotten tied in with. And I got the script and it was the Female Warrior Project. And it was Ajax. And they just made Ajax a female. And they didn't change anything else in the play. And we just did the reading. And I was so offended that someone would think that a female's journey through the American military was, was anything comparable to what a man's was. Not that some of the things aren't the same. Not that there aren't some, there isn't some alignment between stories. But certainly it didn't unearth anything new about what a female's experience for me. And yet after we did the reading, there were 400 people in the audience and everyone stayed for an hour and a half to talk about it. And I thought, oh my God, there's a need. So I ran over to my friend Megan and I said, we're going to write this grant to the Chicago Community Trust. And we're going to get money and we're going to go out and we're going to interview all these female veterans. And we're going to get their stories and we're going to make a play out of it that's really talking about what happens to women in the United States military. And we're going to do it in a year. And we got the grant. And four years later, we did the play. There we go. That's my story. So hi, I'm Neosha Thomas. I'm a 10 year Navy veteran, combat veteran, wounded warrior. I guess why I got involved actually starts with the how. I was the director of veteran services for City Colleges of Chicago. Our local vet center invited me to bring some of my female veteran students down to the vet center to meet with Rivendale in the hopes that they will be willing to share their stories. So I grabbed my students, I made it mandatory. We go down the street to this local vet center, we're at a table, and I'm doing most of the talking. This was the first time I ever had a safe environment to sort of share my story. And once I opened that box, the emotions started to pour out. And now I had a place to sort of deposit them at. And Megan and Tara gave me an opportunity to be a part of the play, to interview me and just sort of dive deeper in my story, because it was a different aspect that they hadn't heard before. Why is this place so important for not only myself, but other women warriors, it's because it authentically tells our story. When you think of a veteran, you don't think of a woman first, you usually think of a white army male. And that is so not the case. We're diverse. Our issues and our challenges are comparable to our male counterparts. But there are some unique situations that you only deal with as a female, like how do I peace standing up in the field, or what do I do about my menstrual cycle or coming home or motherhood, so many things that are just unique to women veterans that this play was able to share. And I believe when you tell your story, there's healing. You know, I'm still on my road to recovery. I don't really think you ever get off that road. But when you have battle buddies, we're taught that battle buddies can only be fellow veterans. Well, through this play, I learned that my battle buddies can be civilians as well. And the actresses here who are helping to bring the story and change the narrative of what a female veteran looks like and the unique challenges that we face and what we can use help in. Thank you. That's great. So we did a lot of story circles and a lot of interviews. We collected stories from over 70 women identified vets and then had an adaptation process that we can talk about a little bit more in the town hall that looked like one part of that looked like a workshop at UIC in the School of Theater and Music, which really connected it with what we're trying to do this weekend. The university provided a grant that funded our first town hall series and provided that space that allowed us to workshop in a very raw form for a couple hundred people, which was a really phenomenal opportunity. Because as you're hearing, it takes a while to build the trust and the credibility to work with vets. And so Tara said, oh, let's do it in a year. It took us four years because we had to go and we had to show up and we had to keep sitting around that table and keep asking and really build the relationships that got to the stories that felt like we could actually have something to say in the play. So I handed out comment cards to all of you. What we've been doing since we started is asking our audiences to respond with messages to female veterans after you see the show. So you're holding on to those and I also want to invite you as you're watching, if you want to take notes on moments of surprise or things that you didn't expect to see in the play, that would be really helpful for us too and might give us something to jump off on when we get to the town hall discussion. And in that town hall, you'll also get to hear from all these fabulous people behind me. And I'd like to first introduce them with their work. So with that, this is an excerpt from Women at War, Enjoy the Show. Because I want you to know that I'm here. I'm alive. So far, many people believe that the war is over. They see the troops coming home and they're filled with this sense of calm and peace, thinking, oh, things are working out. Everything's better. Whatever better is. And I realize that there are these gaps in understanding and so maybe with my writing, I can help you with that. Also, I guess this is my place to let go a little, to decompress. I want to document my experiences as they happen because there's a lot happening all the time here. And, well, it's hard to know how I'm feeling. I think if I don't write it down, I'll lose touch. I'll get too disconnected like before. I'm afraid I'll forget where I come from and if that happens, I won't know how to find my way back. So I guess this blog is my trail of breadcrumbs. And I like to think that you are sitting close and hearing each word I type, each crumb I drop because there's something so comforting in that. I like if you are with me, if you are listening to me, then I know I am going to make it. If I can just keep my mouth shut, I'll be fine, but I've never been very good at that. So I was like, what does that even mean? I mean, seriously, it wasn't even mean, right? And he was like, they asked too many questions and they always want too many answers. So at that point, you need a challenge, baby. And then it's time for writing. And they've got this like, basically a mile and a half long track. And all the men and the women are lined up together. And I get around one time and the recruiter flies me over. And he's like, that's enough, you're done. Why am I done? Did I do something wrong? And he said, the women's requirement was a mile and a half. But the men's requirement was three miles. And I look over and sure enough, all the women had been flagged over to the side and I thought, oh, so I get back out of the track. But at this point, you know, all the men had kept up running without interruption. But I was not about to come in last. So I ran, ran, ran women ahead of most of the men. Oh, dude, look at him, how I killed the test. And he looks at me and he says, the Marine Corps is no place for a girl. Basically, he became a woman. You'll be an sensual man, senpai, for the duration of your deployment. And due to the limited number of females, you'll be bunking together at senpai. Now you must proceed with caution if you are seeking. And always travel with a top gunner in Humvees. You'll need to keep a learn to a number, number of other potential threats. Just study the legend. Children near vehicles. Children on the site. Voices. Dead animal carcasses. Fandal covers. Abandoned bodies and cars. Built up mounds of dirt and gravel. You're rockies and gang displaying a fake injury. Women hunted out here. You know, I think these soldiers have never seen a woman before. You don't like detention? You mean the stalking, the undressing being with his eyes? Stalking, come on. No. This is not the kind of detention I like. I don't know, I kind of feel like it's me queen for a day. Only every day. You know, it's like, here I am, I know I look like shit. I'm like sweating through my clothes, cleaning myself up with baby wipes. It's disgusting. But if I can get that kind of attention in the chow line, how am I going to next go about it? They're hunting you by your sense, girl? For real. Watching Spiders, TV shows. I love the man from all that. But I wanted a non-traditional career. Police, firefighting. And then when my father came back from Vietnam, he was sent to the Pentagon where the English intelligence work for the Navy. He was watching the Caribbean, a human, and he would disappear days at a time. How did he go so wild? Then it drove my mother nuts. And I loved it. Somebody thought, wow, I never realized. I know people say this is an arts and war. I never realized the military had intelligence in it. That's what I wanted to do. And I never saw myself as a career. I owe the Army four years because I have over scholarship. But once I was on active duty, I ended up staying five years. I extended because I was having some good tours. And after five years, I went into the reserves. And one point in the reserves, I thought, well, as long as it's fun, I'll stay in. And I made captain as I left active duty, and I never saw myself being a captain. And then he started telling me, you have potential. You, you go up to Colonel, maybe even as far as the general. You are a natural leader, which I'm not. I just learned I love to come in. And once I made major, I became watching my father. I learned so much about how an officer is free. So when cross the line with me as an officer, I knew they crossed the line and I jumped down and they meet you. Whereas women who didn't have the same role models, they, they just had much more difficulty. They cross that point. Go, well, you're a Colonel, you must have dropped the coolie. Walk to a lot of parents. And they come to me and they say, my daughter is interested. And they ask, why would I recommend a young woman going in? And I say, oh, first of all, I was commanding people at 22 years old in a combat zone. And nowhere in the business world do you get to do that. And I was trained to do it. And I got to serve my country and I got to see the world. Feel that it, it is a calling and an honor. It's not a backup job or anything like that. Although I, I know there are people who disagree. And I know I was fortunate. I found my call. It's so out of control. I had to stop reading all comments in all of my paper blogs almost immediately. Especially when it was related to women in the service. Woo, these hateful trolls, they come out of nowhere and say horrible offensive things. Especially the ones that front like, oh yeah, patriotic. But then they make misogynistic comments. It almost makes me think that sexism in the civilian world is worse than it is in the military. But I'm compelled to stay connected. Maybe that's why male call while deployed is the best and the worst. The timing is all screwed up with letters. So you might get a letter, that soul, that the seasons changed. And it doesn't make any sense with the email that you just got yesterday. Letters are a feel of the paper. The way that the handwriting almost reminds you of the person's touch. Bambo, wait a minute. What is there? Oh, you're a number of media. Right. In the family name. Remember those seeds you planted with your father, Mitha? They're tall purple flowers now. Some days just like you. You can see them in this picture. You work so hard to get over there. No look at us today. I'm writing to tell you that your father got a clean bill of health. He saw his doctor and he's feeling better, too. What a relief. Better every day. Well, that's all for now, love. Stoio mor di osa de ti. Proud of the room you've become. Take care. I went to boot camp like three months before me. So he gave me the rundown of what to expect and that helped me get ready. I had a leadership position at boot camp and that meant that he was close to the front at graduation and I was there and I remember my father's face just leaving with pride. And he looked at me and he said your brother's really set the bar high and I thought uh-huh. Just watch. I'm getting better. All the lights are out. I can hear a whimper here or a sob there and I know that some girls are just having a hard time. Those are the only things that make me cry. I get together with some of my friends and leave, right? So first of all it takes like a dozen text messages just to figure out what we're doing because nobody can make plans for that too. So we finally figure out where we're going and there's six of us. There's a bunch of girls that I went to high school with and we were really close to them. So everybody's going around and they're talking about their jobs and this boss and co-worker and I'm going along with it. Investment banking is so fascinating and like insurance sales, whatever. You're asking all these questions like you do when you're making conversation and it comes around to me and this girl Lea says so where have you been? We've heard you enlisted. Yeah I'm in the army now shit. And the table went silent. I'm not surprised. Now this is a single person asking me a single question. What's that like for you or where are you deployed? Who are you working with? What's your job? How's it going? Nothing? Civilian. Is that it right? What do you do? I mean like I love to sweat it out for a while. But then I'm like so what's for dessert and what am I supposed to say? Be a blogger brother. Insult. You gotta see what other people are doing. So I came across the Fatigue's clothesline and it blew me away. This female vet does these workshops with other female vets writing stories of NSA, military sexual assault. In these workshops the women would write their stories inside their uniforms and hang them for people to see this place is full of secrets. The CEO of my second tour was a pig. Sleeping around with low ranking soldiers. He made a pass at me. But luckily he diverted his attention elsewhere because the fear for me was that if I didn't respond in a way that he found pleasing people would hear about it. They'd start calling me Dyke. Vroom in my life. That is what it was like under Don't Ask, Don't Tell. During my first deployment my girlfriend was in with me and we had a really good cover. She was deckhand. And just really had a wave of people even the big burly guys. We would hang out, go on a liberty just like everyone else and people had just left us alone. We would run around and her little Azuzu Amigo. We had good time. But in between those deployments she got a big promotion to go where he had been ago. So she came over to see me because she wanted to pick up all the letters that she wrote to me over the years because she wanted to burn them. So on my second tour I was alone and working under the paint. So the next few years absolutely made people and hiding me. On a personal way I had this calendar on the back of the door and I would exile all the days to who came back into court. Dyke, Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I couldn't really be able to. I couldn't even go to a council or a chaplain because inevitably they would ask me about my personal life and it was well known that the chaplains would turn you into a church. I identify the target and he says you follow your orders as directed. So I'm like no. I mean what happens if we have bad incest and the target is inaccurate if we learn this in advance. And he says you follow your orders as directed. And then he comes back to the ship with a bomb in his belly. And I'm thinking what the hell is this? So you tell me that he didn't even even if we don't find a target we're still dropping his bomb no matter what. And he's all do your job. Well it is your job. Not what I signed up for. Are you enlisted girls just like the rest of us? Maybe not. The birth of peppermint. I'm so smart buzzing out of my little family that if anybody can go around the gang, the drug violence the murders and hiding listed to get away from all of that destruction and killing and then I'm going to join this larger family of like death, destruction and killing. You know what it's like here I am on the other side of the world to see it. We pick and choose who our enemies are. We pick and choose what side we want to go. I'm saying this is your friend. I know. I don't want you to think you're asking. We put all the emotions in a box and then we put that box away until later and somebody takes it out and we start dusting it off and all that shit just spills out because you stormed it away. I mean we can hold it in for so long but eventually that box gets too full or someone stumbles over it and again all that shit just spills out. A connection, some sort of suggestion there's what to do next. Everyone I know has moved or gone away to school or something and nothing is the same. I stopped at a food pantry today and the guy over in the place told me that female veterans are the fastest growing population of homelessness and unemployment. How can that be? I'm not trying to start an debate but I am currently living out in my car and I can't seem to get a foothold. I need some battle but it stays out. Where is everyone? Welcome home soldier. You know where you are? It's Colonel. Colonel Patricia Monroe I'm in Fort Bliss, Texas returning from Iraq all the other deployments Thailand South Korea, Germany, Bosnia Egypt, most recently Iraq and is a rapper who sustained the injury? Yes, it's my neck. Claws been deployed? No. Well it's good. Hard to say there's all kinds of shelling. I hardly felt it in theater but that 14 hours on the plane was excruciating and I was waiting around I'm in a lot of pain. Are you certain this happened while you were deployed? I have some questions I need to ask you it's protocol I need to ask everyone these questions. Are you experiencing any symptoms of PTSD? No. Any thoughts of harming others? No. Thoughts of harming yourself? No. But I would still like to see a doctor. I would suggest you forgo the physical examination here, Colonel and get you an exam when you get back to Illinois. Really? Yeah, we're pretty backlogged. I hardly think that the Navy hospital in Illinois wants to see an army reserve soldier. Well, maybe so. But it'll get you home a lot faster. Wouldn't that be nice? Colonel. Do you have an injury? Document it here. I have served the United States military for 30 years. Do that. I'll be right back. This woman just asked me how could you leave your child like that? If I had a dollar every time I'd bend my tongue over some thoughtless question from a civilian, I'd be rolling in mud. The truth is I have no idea how I survived. I never told her where I was going. She was too young. She was two years old. It's too much for me. But my mama and I had a plan. We told her every day that I was going on a trip and Grandma was going to take good care of her. And one day I would be back. She's helped all the pain from my injury. Helped all the feelings too. You know the only thing that kept me going over there was the idea of seeing my little baby again. When I got home I walked through the front door and I put my bags right there in the hall and there she was peeking around the corner looking at me. This is no baby now. This is a walking, talking little girl. She stepped out from around that corner and I held my arms out wide and her eyes got big. And there was this look on her face and she started shaking her head back and forth saying no, no, no, no, no. She cried out tugging at my mama's sleeve saying pick me up. Pick me up. She didn't know me at all. She still lives with my mama. I don't have any words to explain how it feels. So this is just routine. HR has this program called so I'm not saying you have anything like that. I'm meeting with everybody today just to talk and get a feel of the land, okay? Yes ma'am. I have to call you back. June is fine. Thanks. June. Well, I'm just going to cut right to the chase Veronica. When you interviewed for this position I was one of the people that I wasn't sure it was going to be a good fit. Now I didn't doubt you was a person or anything like that. I just didn't see the connection between your army service and mortgage loans. Well, I appreciate the opportunity my military service equipped me with a wide variety of skills and I'm happy to apply for here. Good. That's good. Yes. You do have a lot of skills. But what I want to talk about today is less about if the work is getting done and more about how the work is getting done. You know the day to day, the interpersonal stuff, the flow of the office. I'm not sure I understand. You're working too much. Now I know that you're probably used to being under a lot more pressure than this and having a whole different sense of urgency but the truth of the matter is when you work in an office well, at least this office people just want to feel like now you're just sort of keeping to yourself a lot. You're not really participating in the office culture. Does that make sense? I guess so. Look, you're a good worker. I just need you to loosen up a little bit. I think it will make everyone more comfortable. There you are. I don't know where you snuck off to. I was wondering out here. Do you remember my friend Margie who used to walk in the morning? Sure. We're still walking. She's a good friend. Kept me real good company while you were away. We were on the phone the other day and she asked me how you were doing. Is that right? I realize I didn't know what to say. I'm fine. Are you? Where are you sitting out here in the dark? She's really bright in there with the light. So I just came out here. Are you hungry? Do you want some food? No, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm quiet here. It's loud all the time over there and over here. It's everywhere I go. It always is quiet. Oh, I suppose so. You keep telling me to be honest so I'm going to tell you straight up. I hate coming here. I don't know how else to say it. I don't get talk therapy. I'm programmed differently now. When I was deployed, I knew exactly what to do. I had a meaningful job that made a difference and I was good at it. I was fit and looked good. And yeah, it was hard, but I was fully awake and I knew all the difference. This feels like half a life. What would make life go full again? Getting deployed. I didn't come back here no more. I came back here in the middle of winter. It was brittle cold. My family threw me a big welcome home party. Everybody came over. They filled the house. They sat around them for hours. Eating. Got something about celebrities. Complaining. They were tired because they had stayed up too late in the night before watching television. Comparing their favorite coffee drinks, we're coming on time. We're coming on time. We're coming on time. I cried for the three days. I missed my dad a lot. I left my best friends back there. I felt like they were my family now and I missed them. You come back states inside and life just comes pouring in. While I was deployed, I found a guy that I wasn't able to make it back to the funeral. I miss him so much. It's killing me. I had to warn my family. I can handle fireworks on the 4th of July. It's the 3rd of July. It's a black box band. People blow up firecrackers and I'm not ready and I freeze up. I'm right back there. Nobody prepared my family for the fact that I'd come back and change person. They don't know what to do with me now. The hardest part for me was recovering from my injury. A couple of times I thought about ending it all. But you held on. You got to keep holding on. We're not going to leave you behind. I was proud of every day over there and everything was heightened. Hustle, hustle, hustle, move, move. Clean water, shelter. Eye contact. The most basic things were totally precious. I had responsibilities and a lot of people were counting on me to show up every day and do my job. I relied on them with my life and every day I thought I might die today. But if I do, at least my buddies and I could laugh over lunch and rinse together. We're part of something bigger. We were trusted to tell these stories. So, thank you. Iris M. Alvarado. Liz M. Gross. Ericka Borgren. Monica Delphi. Robin Craig. Shandalin Guy. Rachel DeGustin. Cynthia Hyde. Elaine Little. Jill Mordenthaler. Cynthia A. Mullen. Elizabeth Pennes. Jessica Rose. Robes. Mariahs K. Acero. Emily C. Melissa Stauffa. Lisa Imstrima. Willa Taylor. Kalondra D. Tack. Angelica Tyler. Carla Wages. Sabrina Waller. Welcome home. We're going to set up up here. Take a minute. I'm going to ask you. I mean, it's a lot, right? There are layers and layers and the gift of the stories is something we take really seriously in this project. So, I just want to invite you to take a minute to just talk with the person next to you and get it on your own. We're going to get set up here. Tara Miosha. I'm going to ask you to come back on up and then we'll open it up together. Sit center stage. Are you guys going to sit up here with me? I don't want to sit in front of someone. So... All three of us can sit. Awesome. Yeah. Take that. That's me. All right. I always need to breathe a minute after that and I've seen this a lot of times. I've heard these stories a lot. You know, when we cut this to make it fit for this event it's always a little bit different. We've been touring now with this show for over a year and every time we do it, of course it's a little bit different. We wanted to retain the arc of the movement of the piece which is enlistment. Why are women enlisting today? What's going on with that? And then deployment. What's happening specifically in Afghanistan and Iraq? These are the veterans that we spoke with. Women who had been deployed recently to Afghanistan and Iraq. And then also how's it going since you came back? Right? So we tried to retain that same structure with this and give a sense of some of the military choreography that we worked on. We had a lot of vets in the room with us. Kicking our asses, by the way with the specifics of this and we can share a little bit more about that. And I wanted to start off this part by letting you all introduce yourselves, bring you all into the room, tell us who you are and how about like one of those one of the moments, you know, of was there a moment? And if you don't that's cool. But if you want to share a moment of I know as actors and as for artists, we have some vets up here too. For the civilians up here, it was learning you know, stepping into a parallel universe, right? And having to learn how to enter that and be there respectfully. So why don't we just work down the line, hear from everybody who's here and we'll go from there. Sure. Hi. I'm Meg Harkins. I was not a part of the original cast, so I joined the touring cast last year. But I got to see the original and loved it and I think the moment that hit, I mean so many moments hit me when I was watching it but also the one similar ones hit me while I've been in it but I think the one that like reverberates for me is that moment at the end between Waylon and the therapist where she says like what would make this better? And the response is getting deployed. You know, the idea that this event or this, you know, this experience that is now like causing me so many problems is also like the source of the solution. And that just kind of wrecks me every single time. So there we go. I'm Crystal McNeil and I play so I play the parts that, the stories that I tell and show are Miocha's story. And one of the stories I tell is Miocha's story and I think so that is what stands out in this process for me in preparing for this. We got an opportunity to talk to a lot of the ladies whose stories we were telling. And so that's like really, there's a lot of pressure in that because they're in the room and you don't want to suck like and you want to do justice to the story and and so it was really it was like I was always like nervous about doing it and it was and I found it interesting just with all of the veterans like when you go through something sometimes you think like you can't, like people can't relate to you and like it's like you're just alienated and in this process I've realized that like that we can you know you're just sometimes you're just bonded in trauma just in general and you can and like and so it was for me personally it allowed me to like open up to just to anyone and I don't know I was like really like gracious for you know the ways that they like opened up and told their stories to us so yeah I don't know it was just like that that having to maintain respect for you know what they went through and yeah that's it oh you got one magic I think hi I'm Paula and the one I mean there's a lot of things that like stick out but I remember distinctly the first one was probably our second week of rehearsal and we had been working on movement stuff for a while but it had been like a slowly piecing of things together and one day we come into the room and there's a drill sergeant and we were not expecting that and he was like take off all your shit like from the moment we walked in the room it's like okay this is what we're doing today and it was the day that we really started to learn the cadences which we did one at the beginning of the show today and when he first started feeding us the words when we got to the because at first we were just saying like left left right over and over and over again so when he finally gave us a phrase it was like oh cool like we get to do this right we get to say something like an actual phrase and he was like you haven't earned this yet I want to make this very clear but like I'm going to give it to you anyway so I was like okay yes thank you and the first phrase he gave us was which we did for you today um the shoot him in the head shoot him in the head kill him I was like oh my god this is horrible I got to say this is horrible right but then we start to hang in and I'm like I'm like this feels kind of good and I was like I had this moment of like I scared myself with that and then he gave us the follow up which is you got to reload and shoot him again right and the first time I heard that I was like that's right that's exactly what you got to do and I was like what like 10 minutes ago I was like this is terrible you can't shoot him in the head and I'm like that's right we're going to kill him again and I remember like just having this moment of like this is the rehearsal room and like the unity like the force of just having like seven really fierce women next to me hearing their voices and feeling like I'm part of a unit sort of like suspended the sense of self that I had and it was so powerful that I was like this is just rehearsal and this is a really strong thing and still now like anytime because like they said we do bear a lot of versions of the show right um but all it takes is doing the cadence and no matter how long like it's been since I've done the show like it taps me into something else and I'm like okay now I can do the show and I just think there's so much strength in that and it says so much about the unit in itself Hi I'm Rangan Altai I was part of the the beginning kind of workshopping of it and at that point it seemed like it was really a story about young women of color and there was only so much help in that I could be so I kind of blended out of it and then Tara called pretty close to when they started we started rehearsal because they had interviewed a colonel who was from the western suburbs actually and knew my mother-in-law weirdly enough because they had heard her story she'd put out a TED talk and she'd put out a book about leadership and it was really interesting I didn't meet her at first but I read her book and then through the run she came in and talked with us and talked to the audience and it was really fascinating to meet her and as we said meeting the people whose stories these are these are not just real people but real people who are not even one person one person removed obviously is a daunting task but her story is very different from these other girls she was on the very tail end of the Vietnam War actually I hope I'm not making this up she saw combat she was in a combat zone but wasn't a combatant and yet the struggles that she went through trying to get validation and being able to do her task as a commander and be respected by everybody was really hard and a daunting task to figure out and fight her way for and ultimately didn't make it to general and got out of the army because she just she ultimately couldn't I won't say couldn't take it but was like alright I've hit because of who she is hit a glass ceiling was like alright I'm out of this so I guess my point is that it was the differences seemed so great and yet down at the base their experiences are so similar hi everyone my name is Cynthia Hines I'm one of the two dozen or so who's actually a vet myself who served 11 years in the US Army and I initially got involved with it I had gotten injured in Afghanistan in late 2013 came home with the intent of pursuing a career in theater and started working as an intern at a casting agency and like the first week I was there I think with most of us as vets we have more of a modest attitude about like yeah I was in the army a big deal you know and I talked to someone at the casting agency she's like well you know tell me about yourself I was like yeah I just got back from Afghanistan no big deal she's like hey I think you need to meet this lady named Tara Mellon she wants to interview vets I mean I spoke with Tara and some others from Rivendell theater about my experiences both as a service member as well as a contractor who had gotten injured and just didn't think I'd hear anything back and then a few months later Tara invited me to lunch and said hey I'd like you to be in the play this play and if we don't do it now we're not going to do it and I'd like you to also service ladies here to you know marching about being a service member and everything so really as a soldier my biggest pride is really seeing is having people come up to all of the actors and say oh my god how long were you in and these people are not wearing in and they're just like oh she taught us out of March or something so that's like the biggest pride as a teacher almost as a mom you know so that's the best experience I have another thing that really touched me always touches me is also playing the mom of Wayland and what always is very touching is the line when she says she would like to get deployed because I realize there are a lot of parents out there who don't understand that there are many people who have a desire to still go back in combat and have that camaraderie with their fellow soldiers and fellow service members so and I think that that's a reality for me that there are a lot of that there's a great disconnect between civilian and service member so those are the things that mean the most to me thank you my name is Susan Gaspar and I've actually been involved with the women in a war project for a really long time I don't even remember a few years when we first started coming up with the idea and plotting out the very sort of baseline concept for it and the very beginning of the process of interviewing vets and I was fortunate enough to interview several of those vets sometimes in person, sometimes over the phone if they were out of state which was a very eye-opening experience for me I come from a family where a lot of folks have served but none of them were women so hearing the military stories from a women's perspective for me was very eye-opening all my military stories that I'd ever heard from family members and friends were told by a male so hearing these women who had strikingly similar stories and yet also contrastingly very different stories because of their perspective and the hoops they jumped through and because things are sort of still being worked out on a military level about what it's like to be a female in the military today there were a lot of aspects that were brought to my eyes that I had never even thought about before I was just amazed hearing these stories and that process for me continued through the rehearsal of the show as it sort of developed that I would be playing multiple civilian characters amongst all these women in uniform and about three quarters of the way through the process I realized one day that every civilian character I played dealt with paper in some way like the entire civilian world is about paper and processing the military personnel and the hoops they have to jump through and the red tape they have to you know hurdle when they get back and before they go in while they're there and when they come back and I started to see that there was sort of this path for me to play even though my characters were vastly different and I in talking to military personnel and service people after the show opened I realized wow that is true and that's something I never knew before as a civilian so I learned a lot in the process of this show I'm Danielle I'll be swift I got in on this honestly because I was doing the velveteen rabbit um and I was the boat so um I was a boat by day and then a lesbian in the Navy by night so I was like constantly in the water all day and I don't know how to swim for real um so yeah but actually the lighting designer was like hey do you want to come audition for this show and I was like okay sure and then when I like kind of looked it up I was like oh yes and there um and Cynthia actually scared the mess out of me that first day um but I'd say like the thing that I'm pulling that I still pull out of this as you know most of us are working actors in the city and you're like constantly wanting that rave review from Chris Jones and Hedy Weiss and the Tripp and that's like awesome um when you get that but at the same time like I was saying when these veterans come up to you and they're like so where did you serve how long did you serve like these badass women and I'm like I don't know you know that like they thought that we were that intense um and I still like that is the ultimate like for me every single time we do this thank you just to hear those to hear those women to hear those women um we always had these it's supposed to be cool swift uh after after every performance they'd fill out the cards and they would come up and invariably after a performance at least one if not every veteran we spoke to said thank you for telling my story even these women who had been telling their stories but to hear it through somebody else and hear their story played back to them that that was invaluable it's invaluable especially if you're made to feel invisible right like your story's not being told and you come back and no one recognizes your service and I mean it's just really good to hear all of your different voices and perspectives because you know it took all this and more to build this play right because we really were trying to um shine lights on the issues and also let it be complicated right let it be really complicated and and sort of deliver that and then let this ultimately as a project with town halls everywhere we go let it build the bridge between veterans coming back and civilians right because there are a lot of gaps and there are a lot of needs and veterans and women veterans and specifically um are asking for that support they're asking to be seen and so the project is also trying to do that and and as a result we're partnered with a lot of veteran serving organizations that are formed at VA's and that's that's part of the work too so you know the tyranny of the clock here we are we have ten minutes but I really wanted to get all of you in on this and hear that but I want to open it up to everybody who's here to find out do you have questions you have comments are the things you want to know um ask specific people or do you want to highlight something you saw um something you came to understand while you were watching what's living out there for you all yes this is Catherine Malin everyone she actually kind of runs it so yeah what's going on what do you think oh oh I thought you were pointing over there okay um so hi I'm Michelle Hainer um thank you first you know thank you so much um I know one of the kind of ensemble maker kind of guru Jacques Lecoq used to say when he would give these big like assignments people in French it's on ne peut pas parler de ce qu'on ne connait pas which is that you cannot speak of that which you don't know and that humble work of going out there and coming to know um is so moving to see this in practice um I mean just I'm so moved by your company's work by the the women taking on these voices by the stories and if nothing else the truth is is that as a citizen I feel through the integrity of your work that I have come to know something of that which I did not know you know that I may have my ideas or stereotypes or whatever like through your work you bring me into the humble work of coming to know so I'm like I'm not to say like there are moments I wept like your work with the child like you know which to me is also testament to the degree of artistry on so many levels happening I was really moved and thinking as an audience member so thank you for that and my question is I would love because I'm speaking largely to the theater artists so maybe your experience also is interesting in this where for you guys in carrying forth these stories that have a part of the documentary theater and of you know the verbatim theater where comes in the part of artistry or slant do you know of especially with the original source material in the audience I'm curious if you could speak to that whether it's in terms of dramaturgy or directing or the acting process whoever would like to speak to that thank you great question that they these are largely composite characters too you know we interviewed over 70 people and made a decision Tara and I on a retreat made a decision you know in order to follow the journeys and care about them we need to get to know people right we really wanted to move beyond the statistics so we decided to create a collection of people you could get to know through the course of the play and so they're combined stories each of the characters is telling multiple so we were able to draw on the original storytellers but also kind of expand in shape and shift within that as well so from the writing perspective that was the take that each each actor is performing various narratives that were collected and sometimes fabricated from research you know but based on things we were hearing in a repeated way through the interviews but I want other people to also respond I just like to say that you know a big part of Megan gave us the spine by crafting taking building these composite characters and really giving us the text that was the spine and we got to take a lot of artistic license in that in the texture in between the moments and Megan I spoke a lot about that and how we bridged each piece and we were able to be super theatrical and that was incredibly satisfying and it wasn't just me or Megan but really so this ensemble was a huge part of building that and helping us be fluid and I mean you saw like a snippet but about three quarters of the way through the rehearsal process people were really bringing in their own compositions and inserting them in and that was just an amazing thing that started to happen but it began by getting we had been working together for a really long time and so there was this incredible trust I think built in so somebody else wants to speak to that other thoughts out there thank you I'm very curious, I'm sorry I've forgotten all of your names but you were the service member what I guess the question is this is coming out of this and into the civilian world and we got some taste of some of the challenges of that was the experience of coming out of the civilian world and into the sort of very particular civilian world of an ensemble theater context was that different from your experiences elsewhere and if so how you know actually in a very interesting sort of way and I may have explained totere this a few times but I have said that in many ways I don't find a lot of the theater and military to be extremely different and here's the reason I think that there's a perception of the military people who are not in the military that you know all military people think they're better than somebody that there's a dislike and the same way that people who are not actors like all those people who are they think they're better than somebody I think in a bizarre sort of way I think there's that commonality where people who are not in that world misunderstand that world whether it's military or theater but at the same time despite that I cannot imagine outside of the military being in a more collaborative environment and I love that because I do feel when we are together and I know I've expressed this to my fellow actors here on stage privately is that in many ways I feel like I'm back in basic training again where we are getting together and it's not like terror is necessarily a drill sergeant but not necessarily she's a drill sergeant because at one point I think I was calling her a top like for first sergeant or whatever but there is that sense that oh my god we have to get together and we have to defeat this enemy and we have to work together and there is that sense that there is a mission that we are on to deliver whatever whether it is being in Afghanistan where I served or just being in a garrison environment garrison meaning just in a civilian back on a base in a peacetime environment but in any event there is that collaboration that I love both having been in the military and working in theater great answer there's that ritual repetition commitment, the dedication, the whatever it takes and we have to get the mission done no matter what so I think in many ways I don't really feel that I'm actually that far from the military yeah that jokingly as I was watching you I was like wow yeah it's always going to be whether it's in the military or on theater it's a motley crew of individuals who get together who are so diverse from each other but we get together and we decide that no matter how crazy we are how matter somebody may be whatever as well as in the military we have to come together for a bigger purpose I have such a I feel like this is so I've never said this out loud because I feel like I am totally uninformed I feel like I can't even speak to this but that feeling that I have at basic training when we're up here and we're doing basic training and when we've done it before is this feeling of no matter how prepared I could have ever been for this the character no matter how much exercise I could have done beforehand there's like no there's nothing that can prepare me for that and I don't know what it is before I walk into it and I was having that feeling today too of like as an actor of course we know what's going to happen but internally as the character it's this feeling of it doesn't matter there's nothing that would be able to there's nothing that's going to be able to prepare me fully for this experience except experiencing it and I have been relating to that so much as an artist of like I really want to play in and I really want to prepare and I really want to do it well and there's literally nothing I can do except doing it that will give me that parallel so much and I felt like such an idiot until you just said I'm like I'm comparing myself to basic training that's dumb and actually what alright well you know with that we are officially out of time for this part I see Alicia's come in and I know the Neo Futures are coming in here about 15 minutes so we're like thank you so much for your thoughtful questions and comments let me ask for the cards before you go just bring them up here on stage we'll add them to our collection it's been a real honor and pleasure to share the work with you so come on up and talk with us more if you want to find out what's going on thank you thank you thank you get out of the space is what Alicia is saying you must exit grab your things and leave thank you