 What makes someone attractive? We all know it's not just about looks or charm. There's a certain je ne sais quoi that draws us to certain people. According to the University of Queensland Brain Institute, a lot of that attraction comes from our primal limbic system in the brain. And biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, PhD, explains that we can indeed overlook a great number of problems in our partner or crush because of how powerful that limbic system is. In fact, our brains can decide if someone is a potential mate or not within the first three minutes of meeting them. So, what subtle traits and behaviors influence our attraction in those three minutes? There are quite a few. For one, there's a certain confident demeanor. You know the one we're talking about. It's not just acting confident, it is truly being comfortable in your own skin without the need for validation. Psychologists have long known that simply believing you're attractive, regardless of if you're conventionally attractive can increase how much you're desired. A 2013 study in the journal Evolutionary Psychology explains their findings on the matter, stating that self-perceived attractiveness, self-confidence, in appearance and body esteem all significantly predicted self-esteem. And that in each case, the relationship was mediated by romantic self-confidence. Basically, high self-esteem and self-confidence can result in confidence in the romance world. This doesn't mean you need to place your confidence all on conventional attractive features. If you wanna create that confident demeanor in yourself, look out for what you truly love about yourself. Create your own beauty standards based on you, your own traits, features, quirks and skills you find unique and valuable. That demeanor we talked about, it comes from not needing validation and being comfortable and positive with who you are. It's something in you, not something you can mimic from someone else. It's often found through learning about yourself and exploring who you are. So why is confidence seen as so sexy? Many psychologists have predicted why. Researcher, Sean Murphy, PhD, explains that a lot of the things we want in a partner are difficult to observe directly, especially on first meeting. This includes traits like competence, drive, social status and kindness. So we trust that people know themselves well and assume that their confidence or lack thereof reflects their actual values as a partner. This isn't to say confidence is the only thing you need to attract your crush. Some psychologists argue that attractive people also don't often put too much weight on the end goal of dating, which makes them all the more desirable. Instead, they enjoy the process of getting to know someone and don't beat themselves up if the mutual attraction just isn't there. So before you start imagining your honeymoon to Hawaii with your crush, maybe enjoy your coffee date first. Often we're so focused on the end goal that we miss out on the process or simply stress over it. People can sometimes read this anticipation or stress and may even feel manipulated or rushed into something. Clinical psychologist, Randy Gunther, PhD, explains this further, stating that the outcome therefore is determined by the process itself and not plotted out ahead of time. The desired partner of a sexy person never feels coerced or manipulated into a situation he or she did not seek or realize was a manipulated process. Remember, relationships should be organic and can fall into place naturally throughout getting to know each other without the pressure of expectations or outcome. Having no strong expectations on your date means it may be easier to let loose and have fun. According to psychologist, Randy Gunther, sexy people are playful. They're having fun with the possibilities of connection but enjoy the process rather than needing to complete it. Gunther also has a great idea for if you're out with friends and don't have a romantic partner. She explains, the idea that sexy people enjoy dancing alone until they have a partner already having a great time whether the other person chooses to participate or not. Another interesting trait that is bound to attract others being open-minded and a non-conformist. In one 2015 study in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, researchers found that success in the dating world were greater the more non-conformist their sample was. They also found that perceptions of non-conformity in an ex-partner were associated with greater love and attraction toward that partner. Being open-minded and kind is something that can unfortunately be overlooked by others but it is valued in a healthy relationship. One 2008 study even found that altruism may just attract your crush. Science Daily summarized the University of Nottingham study stating that displays of altruism or selflessness towards others can be sexually attractive in a mate. In three studies of more than 1,000 people, researchers discovered that women play significantly greater importance on altruistic traits than anything else. When looking at what overlooked traits are seen as most attractive, perhaps we realize that we should put less focus on the end goal of attracting our crush and their validation and instead look inwards. Being comfortable in your own skin by learning to love yourself takes time but it's these learned traits that can take the pressure off yourself in the world of dating. They're seen as attractive because people themselves wish to attain these qualities but more importantly, these learned traits help give you the attention and understanding you need from the person you need it from the most, you. It's really a win-win situation. Not only may your crush be swooning over you but you may just be a little bit more attracted to yourself in the process. Love yourself too. If you enjoyed this video, don't forget to click the like button and share it with a friend or crush. Subscribe to Psych2Go and hit the notification bell icon for more content like this. Thanks for watching. Here's the next chapter in our ongoing Psych2Go Stories series that we've been putting our hearts into. Our stories are more than just entertainment. They're a journey into the realms of mental health and relationships. Be a pioneer and explore our exclusive playlist. Stories that entertain, educate and empower. What are you waiting for? I see you. Click on our playlist.