 He'll break your heart when you hear this from a man. This is a red flag alert, red flag, red flag, red flag. Now, in a moment, we're going to talk about the emotional effects of investing in the wrong man, the man who will break your heart. This is known as your emotional marketplace. Now, what is the emotional marketplace? Well, before we get into the emotional marketplace, I think it's really important to address what men look at, and that's known as the sexual marketplace. That's right, the sexual marketplace. What is the sexual marketplace? Well, I first heard it when Kevin Samuels was around, and then recently today, I heard it from a popular YouTube psychologist. And basically the sexual marketplace is how desirable is a woman in relationship to a man's resources and how much he's willing to commit. So basically, how much is a woman worth from basically a sexual perspective? Now, I'll be called a simp for saying what I'm about to say, and simp is basically a beta male who is a wimp. I know anyone who's watching this might call me this, but I think there's a lot more value to a woman than their sexual capacity within a relationship. Now, some people will say there's truth in this conversation of the sexual marketplace, and to some degree, men's desires are driven by their penis. This is a true statement. Oftentimes the way we approach relationship is through sex. So it's understandable how it might be viewed this way, but I think it's more important to address from a woman's perspective, the emotional marketplace. Now, what is the emotional marketplace? The emotional marketplace is how much a woman is going to invest emotionally before she gives her heart to a man. And I said her heart because we are talking about the emotions, but at the same time, we may want to factor in the physical aspects of a relationship as well. See, a woman, my invitation for women who are watching this is to view a man from the perspective of his emotional maturity and his character. That's right, emotional maturity and his character. You see, women oftentimes give their power away based on those resources a guy might give you, and also how much commitment he may provide for you. Isn't it fascinating that the decision for commitment all rests upon a man? I mean, traditionally speaking, and generally speaking as well. You see, men are the ones who ask you to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Men are the ones who do the proposing in marriages. And so women oftentimes are left waiting for a man to make a decision when it comes to commitment. That's why this is called the sexual marketplace because he's evaluating how much resources he's willing to spend on you. But more importantly, is he going to commit to you? Before you even consider that, I want you to consider the emotional effects of investing in the wrong man. Let me repeat that. What are the emotional effects of investing with the wrong man? And you've already given your body to this man, so he's the wrong man. And if you keep giving your body to all the wrong men, you'll be, there's this phrase that'll be, you'll be coined out there, what's your body count? What's your body count? Because you've given your physical attributes to a man before he's earned it. So what should you be considering from the emotional marketplace? Well, as I said earlier, women oftentimes give their power away. They abandon their self-worth to accommodate a man through the sexual marketplace. But I'm here to invite you to look at it from a deeper perspective and let's start with his character. That's right, his character. Does his actions consistently match his words? Okay, a man that's in the sexual marketplace might do that. Is he generous and kind? Yeah, a man in the sexual marketplace could be doing that. Does he communicate clearly without wanting to be right? This is where it gets kind of tricky because these men are only in it for the sexual marketplace. All they care about is their own needs being met. See, these men are oftentimes called users. They want the benefits of sex from you and they're willing to give up some resources and pretend to be committal, if you will. But oftentimes that the men who have bought into this narrative really only care about one thing and these men will break your heart later on down the road. So they don't use people. They're clear about commitment. See, a man who has emotional maturity and character, he's very clear that commitment is an important component for a relationship. He hasn't bought into the narrative that marriage is evil, if you will, or serious commitment is evil. Men with character and emotional maturity don't use people when they're very clear about commitment. They have their act together, both physically and emotionally. And they don't chase sex, drugs, or alcohol, or partying as their way to soothe their emotional challenges that they might be faced with. Now, one of the most important factors for this type of man is he's healed from his past relationships. You know, we have a significant percentage of human beings that are incredibly unhealed from their past relationships. He a man who's actually fallen in love at a very young age in his life, he oftentimes is very fearful. He has walls up. He has walls up. And so he may not be able to fully commit to a relationship. The other thing is about an emotionally mature man with character is that he's introspective. He works on himself beyond his limitations, wounds, and traumas. And I don't mean he's doing Tony Robbins, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, let's make money, let's make money, lakes make money. Okay, that might seem like they're doing personal development work because that's in the genre of personal development. But I'm talking about actually healing childhood wounds and adult traumas that oftentimes cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life, particularly in their romantic life. Now one thing about an emotionally mature man with character is he's protective and empathetic of the women he's investing in. See, he's not in it for the sexual marketplace. He's in it because there's something deeper to a relationship than just the physical attributes. And these men believe demonstrating trust is paramount in their life. And trust is, is this other, do I have this other person's best interest at heart? You see, when men are just approaching the sexual marketplace, and I know a lot, and by the way, if you're not familiar with this, I highly invest doing some YouTube searches for yourself. But I'm inviting a new conversation. I am coining emotional marketplace because ladies, you are making an emotional investment as well as a physical investment when you're sexual with someone because you can bond with the wrong guy. You can bond with the wrong guy. And I'm here to invite you to do a bit of vetting before you make a physical as well as an emotional investment with a man. So what are some of the phrases men will say that will break your heart? Well, I said it a moment ago when someone says, I have walls up, I have walls up, or when a man says, let's take it slow, let's take it slow. You see, these are red flags that women oftentimes paint green because when a man starts talking about his past hurts, that can create a bond with you. And if you have mutual trauma, then you're bonding in your mutual trauma. But the fact that he's sharing something emotional with you might be music to your ears, but that is clearly red flag, red flag, red flag. Because what do walls mean? I can't get close to you. And let me tell you something. There's this fantasy that those walls will be dropped while you're in relationship. No, that's not, you gotta drop those walls before you get physically intimate with someone because those walls will exist. Now there's always the exception to the rule. But when a man says that, that is a clear red flag alert. And also if he says, let's take it slow. You see, men say this right after they, I'm about to spit up, men say this right after they've been physically intimate with you, it kind of cracks me up because I've done it myself. It's fascinating. I wanna, it's like, when it comes to sex, we men are F1 drivers, okay? We wanna get into the fastest car on the planet and room, room, room, room, room to the finish line, okay? But the midity has sex with you. You know what's funny? All these men turn into geriatric, the man who says, let's take it slow. They turn into geriatrics that are using a walker in the relationship. It's kind of fascinating and hilarious at the same time. You see an emotionally mature man, that man with character, that man you should be investing in the emotional marketplace. See, he'll set the pace by building trust with you. He'll set the pace by building trust with you. And you can be physically intimate with this man. And by the way, I am not here to suggest you can't have sex on the first, second or third date. You can do whatever you want, okay? Sex is not a guarantee of relationship success one way or the other. My concern for you is when you're physically intimate with the wrong guy. This is why I teach in my private coaching. By the way, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. I teach you discernment. I teach you vetting. See ladies, oftentimes you have this fantasy relationships of what a relationship should look like. It's all up in the clouds. It's all this big gigantic fantasy. Oh yeah, you think you're the exception to the rule. It's all the other women who do that. I don't do that. This is the fascinating thing about human behavior. Humans rarely ever have the capacity to call themselves out on their own shit. I mean, seriously, do you ever really? Now, I'm not to suggest you don't get down on yourself. You can be brutal. You can be almost at the crucifixion with how much you can self-doubt and self-deprecate. But I'm talking about actually calling yourself out as being clueless. Many of you know I jokingly say men are rather clueless. They're just winging it out there, but you guys are no different ladies. And by the way, so there's a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you because that's my area of expertise is to help you be more discerning to that. And by the way, your intuition gets absolutely skyrocketed once you've done this inner work. And when you've done the inner work, you actually begin to love yourself more. If you haven't read my book, What the Heck I Self Love Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help in Spiritual Work, there's a link below to get a copy of all the books I recommend today. Why am I pitching my book because ladies and men who are watching the pathway to emotional maturity starts with loving yourself. Now loving yourself isn't about getting manicures and pedicures and massages and looking at the mirror going, I'm so beautiful or I'm so handsome. Self love is that investment you make in yourself to be your best self, both physically, emotionally, spiritually, and what else? Mentally, okay? Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically. I guess I covered, now I just regard the order because I just made that up on the fly, although it's very obvious to some degree. That's what self love is, is being your best self in those four areas. Doesn't mean you're perfect, just means you're doing your best self. And when you're doing your best self, you are more immune to the men who will actually use you. It's very rare that a woman who is in her power, see when a woman is in her power, meaning the sole aspect of the relationship or the commitment lies with the man. You are part of that decision-making process. Earlier today, I watched a woman on air, she's a radio celebrity and she had her boyfriend on the radio show and during the radio show, she asked him to marry him. And he said, yes, I know the men who are watching this are going simp, simp, simp, beta male, beta male. Now he's not a beta male. You know what, a woman can do the asking too. I know it goes against traditional norms. I mean, you'll be blasphemed for saying this, but my point is by asking a man where he stands, you get clarity, by asking him to marry you, you really get clear. Now, by the way, if you're gonna do this, you better prepare that if he says yes, that you're willing to take on all of the emotional and physical aspects of a significant relationship. But I'm here to say ladies, there is a lot of garbage out there that so many men are listening to from the manosphere, from that Kevin Samuels, from that psychologist and so many others. And there is a bit of validity to it because men are sexual creatures. Means they're driven by their little head than their big head, a lot of times. And then when it's just an exchange, you see, it's interesting. Do you know dating apps have replaced the need to go to sex workers? By the way, I would say prostitutes, but I probably get in trouble for saying that because it's called sex workers. Okay, but between pornography and dating apps, and by the way, dating apps, it's so easy, you swipe, swipe, swipe and take someone out on a date or two, spend a little bit of money and there's a good chance they're gonna have sex with you or with them, excuse me, that you don't really have to even go to a sex worker. I mean, sadly, 90% of women will give in because the desire for the potential for commitment outweighs the risk of giving your heart to the wrong person. And let me just tell you, in the emotional marketplace, if you've given your heart to the wrong man over and over and over again, the end result is bitterness, the end result is jadedness, the end result is absolute frustration, the end result is that your heart is covered in ice and then now you have walls up and that you're taking it slow and God forbid you meet a great guy, you'll unconsciously sabotage that relationship because it's time for you to do the inner work to take down the ice or surrounding your heart, those walls that have come up. And let me tell you something. This conversation today isn't singular to the men having walls up, women have walls up just as much as men. See, sadly, because of the emotional marketplace and the cavalier aspect, so many humans have entered into the emotional marketplace and sometimes with the best intentions because the cavalierness comes from ignorance and ambivalence, but at the end of the day, you are in charge of making your own choices, you are in charge of your relationship, destiny, don't let any man tell you otherwise, excuse me, this bullshit narrative only serves a select few people out there. And I'm trying to hit the masses here. And let me just say this, and if you've watched my channel long enough, you know I'm a huge proponent for personal development, self-help, spiritual work as an antidote to the number one emotional health issue faced most everybody today, and that's I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. And so I'm inviting you all to do the inner work so then when you put yourself out in the dating marketplace, you're actually prepared to meet what I call a grower and a builder. Earlier in this broadcast, I talked about users. I didn't talk much about the spenders, these are men who want companionship, connection and sex, but they're incapable of commitment or have weak emotional maturity or relationship skills. And the conversation I'm here inviting you all is to choose those grower builder men, those men who have the capacity to go beyond the surface, they can control their penis or better yet temper their sexual urges to actually invest in getting to know you as a human being instead of something just sexual that they will use again and again and again, not you, but other people, excuse me, use one and then another and another and another and another. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. If it is, post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. I do my best to read them all in the first 24 hours. If you found value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well. And if you wanna connect with me, there's a link in the description below to schedule a discovery call with me to check out my group called Midlife Love Mastery to get my book to follow me on Instagram to get my dating vows, all that good stuff is also gonna be in the first comment below. All right, those who know my format know it's time for Q and A. If you have a question, write the word question in the chat box or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there in the little woody outfit with his brother Colin in Buzz Lightyear. And in his honor, my son is the one who passed away in his honor. We donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and discount or scholarships to coaching as well. So again, hit that little dollar sign. If you're watching the replay, hit that super thanks. Our goal tonight is $50, $50. All right. All right, let's see. I saw there was a question here earlier. So let me go through here. Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. Let's just keep swimming. I know I saw one earlier. Lots of converse. Oh, here it is, Laura. Should I contact a man that I thought was willing to explore a relationship but has pulled away saying he's on the fence and wants a pause. The penis has not entered in the vagina. Well, first off, all I recommend for you is you go live your, he's doing what he needs to do. You don't need to do anything. Do you need to contact him? No, you don't need to do anything. He's already pulled away. You go live your life and he comes in. If he circles back, you might wanna talk about what reservation did you have? What was your reservation? What's causing your reservation? Can we have a real heart to heart with each other? What's causing the reservation? What's coming up for you? Forget that I'm a potential love interest. Why don't you just talk to me like I'm a friend and tell me what's coming up for you? What's your reservation? Hey, listen, I'm not sure I wanna commit to you either. So why not just talk to me like a human being and just tell me what's coming up for you? Okay, Laura, I want you to give that a shot, okay? Thanks so much. All right, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Let's keep going. Rachel's in the house, I saw she had. Rachel says, great explanation, Jonathan, about the ice surrounding the heart. Yeah, it's another way of saying I have walls up. By the ice can melt, though. Walls, you have to take a sledgehammer too. Oh, thank you, rock and mart ranch for the, Jonathan, you have wonderful wealth of information. Thank you, I appreciate it. Debbie says, how can men sense that you're about you? How can men sense that about you, kind-hearted? How can a man sense that you are kind-hearted? Well, just don't act like a bitch. Don't walk in with resting bitch face. I think one of the things that demonstrates kind-heartedness is women who smile. You know, it's fascinating to me. I'm on the dating apps and I can't tell you how many photographs I see resting bitch face swipe. I mean, like one after another, after another. I mean, they all wearing resting bitch face with sunglasses or the, or the, I mean, it's just like you guys, a gigantic smile tells me you've got heart. In other words, there isn't ice around your heart. When there's ice around your heart, you don't smile, you kind of are flat or frown. So my invitation is to start by smiling. See? All right, I know that seems creepy right now. Okay, Rachel, I did see your name earlier. I invited, oh, by the way, if anyone wants to join the hot seat, if you're brave enough, I just put a link right there. You can join the hot seat. Rachel, I invited him over to dinner on Saturday night for Sunday, Saturday night for Sunday night, wait, for Sunday night, Saturday for Sunday night. He said, thanks, Rachel, you're so sweet. I think I'm just going to stay in tomorrow. Please don't take it the wrong way. I'm just drained. So is your question, I mean, I would take them on face value sometimes, people just need a break. Okay, so there's got a lot of factors. If you're brand new to dating, then not enough trust has been built between the two of you or he doesn't think he's going to get laid. So that's a possible reason why he might have said that. If you're in a seasoned relationship, sometimes we just need to recharge our batteries. Men, our testosterone levels can plummet dramatically during the workday and we need to recharge our batteries. So there could be a couple of factors going on. But usually when a man is in the hunt phase of like, I want to get laid, he'll drop everything, usually, generally speaking. So I guess it depends on, have you been physically intimate with one another? Are you having a regular relationship with one another? Is this a one-off situation? I wouldn't read into it much. I need to have more information to really speculate on a deeper level, okay? Thank you for that question. Zengal, I think my guy is a grower builder, but he is also a hoarder. I could not live with him being this way. What should I do? Gosh, you know, I watched a show on hoarders and I believe that there is a psychological trauma present for that person to hoard things. I don't know it from a human behavior perspective, but I would sense that there is most likely a deep wound that is unresolved that causes him to hold on to things. So now I guess the question is, is this the equivalent of a medical condition? I've only watched the show once or twice, so I, and I watched it sparsely, if you will. In other words, I wasn't paying full attention. I would say, you know, hey, well, let's do a little test. Hey, Google, what are the psychological reasons? Hey, Google, what are the psychological reasons for hoarding? Difficult feelings, perfectionism and worrying, childhood experiences, trauma and loss, and family history are habits. Okay, there you have it. Google gave us the answer. So there is most likely a deep significant wound that has gone unhealed. And usually if that's the case, he's not a grower builder. He might look like a grower builder, but a grower builder has their emotional act together as well as their physical act together. So anyway, that's just my two cents on that. Do a little research on your own end. Thanks, Engel. Genie P says, Jonathan, are you available, wait, are you available to date Jonathan LFL? Yes, I am single and I am in the dating marketplace. I'm on dating apps like Bumble, Hinge, Match.com and Millionaire Match. And the reason why I like Millionaire Match is that you have to spend, that's like the most expensive, I mean, one of the more expensive apps. And I figure if a person's willing to make an investment in themselves, they are usually probably a little bit more emotionally, let me rephrase that, they have their act together. So it's one of the reasons why I choose that app. Sadly, 95% of people on the dating marketplace and the dating sites, did I say 95%? Let me scratch that. 98% of men and women do such a shitty fucking job on their profiles. It is absolutely pathetic. And if you think I'm triggered by this, I am so radically disappointed in the profiles I see. I'm like, oh my God, ladies, are you either that inept, that stupid or that unconscious that you've put together shit and you're expecting like, I guess mushrooms grow in shit. Okay, I guess that's true. But mostly shit is stinky. And most women as well as men have really stinky profiles because they're shitty. Okay, I grant it. Come back to center. Okay, I'm done. Yes, I'm available today. Hey, Margaret is in the house and gave us a $15 super sticker. That means we're $35 away from our goal. Thanks for the love, Margaret. Question, do grower builders have sex on the first date? Okay, a grower builder can have sex on the first date. That's not sex on the first date while traditionally speaking and generally speaking and most more often than not, rarely ever turns into anything. A grower builder and a woman who's two grower builders can get together, have an affinity for one another, have real sense of identity towards one another. And it is quite possible that if they're physically intimate, it can turn into something. Generally speaking, it's rare, but yes, it can happen when two grower builders are joined together and they're a good fit for one another. By the way, usually when someone has sex with you on the first night and they end it with you, it's because they're just not that into you. You know, it doesn't mean they're using you, it's just, well, let me reframe that. Time out, rewind that, little Willy Wonka. He might have sex with you like you and then realize you're not a fit for one another. That's quite a possibility. So it's not that they're nefarious and having sex on the first date. By the way, people have waited months to have sex only to have the sex be really, really shitty. And God, talk about a buzzkill. Talk about an emotional devastation. You've now, you've held out sexually. You've held out sexually and then the sex fucking sucks. Has it ever happened to you? I'm raising my hand, it's happened to me. I'm an amazing lover, so not on the other wind. I'm just kidding, being arrogant for a second. You know, I've often talked about sex should happen somewhere between the first and 10th date in that range. So wherever you feel comfortable, do it in that realm. That's my invitation for you. All right, great question. Thank you so much. All right, who's gonna join the hot seat? Let's get some love right now. Hey, Debbie just gave us some love, $10. That means we're $25 away from our goal of 50. Thank you for your help making me decide what to do about a man who goes to me. No sex was online. I'm happy to help you. And by the way, thank you for the love. I really appreciate it. Lisa's in the house. Can you give us two good questions to ask to vet for emotional maturity? Yes. I would invite him to talk about his past relationships and you have to learn to be a detective. This is something I teach in my private coaching. Ask about past relationships. Another good thing is to ask, does anyone currently believe they're either in a relationship or dating you or sleeping with you? I just added the last one. Does anyone currently believe that they are dating you in a relationship with you or sleeping with you? I think that's a very grown up thing to ask someone. So yeah, those are just two off the, by the way, in my private coaching, and again, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me, we go into the emotional understanding the emotional effects of what caused men to become either grower builders, spenders or those users. If you're not familiar with my chart, you're brand new to my channel, please forgive the glare. And this is not a fact, it's merely an opinion. I say roughly 20% of the population are users. They seek short-term game, love bombers, players, gold diggers, those are the women, entitled women, selfish people only caring about their own needs. Now the grower builders over here, it's roughly 20% of the population. They seek long-term commitment, they're emotionally grown up, they have good relationship skills, they have their act together, both physically and emotionally, and the spenders are in the middle about 60%. They seek companionship, connections, sex, no direction, uncertainty, fearful, usually have a dysfunctional life. So in my private coaching, we try to narrow it down, instead of, see a lot of dating coaches wanna sell you on the idea of playing the field. It's a numbers game. Create, put as many people in the funnel as possible and narrow it down. I'm like, fuck that shit, let's be a bullseye. Let's be that hunter with the bow and arrow and we're gonna shoot to get into the bullseye, right? Be very strategic in the way you approach things because of the emotional marketplace. See, we don't have time to put the funnel so gigantic and sift through the funnel. We have to be laser focused. I'm talking about being radically laser focused because of the emotional marketplace. The emotional marketplace is a devastating place to be because we are in a dysfunctional dating marketplace. We are so radically dysfunctional in the dating marketplace that it's affecting the emotional, well, I'm saying effects. It's affecting the emotional effects of a human being. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Give me an amen right now. By the way, who wants to join the hot seat? I'd love to have some love right now. All right, Claudia, if a man tells you he wants space after the breakup, is he dumper and due to external factors that happen? Are there chances he loves me? What does the break mean for him? So, you know, love, I want to address the love because sometimes loving someone is ending a relationship because they know they're not right for you. By the way, here what I just said, he's actually by ending the relationship, he is doing you a favor, that's a demonstration of love. Okay? If he has external factors going on in his life, why does he need to dump you? What does the break mean to him? It means he's been a spender in your relationship, meaning he wants companionship, connection and sex. He just doesn't want to give commitment. And that break is like, and by the way, this is where women chase men, bring them back and it backfires all the time. Folks, you gotta realize the percentage of successful relationships is so minuscule. It is tiny, the actual percentage of successful relationships. That's why you have to be a warrior, you have to be a hunter, you have to be shooting for the bullseye. And what I mean is vetting someone for their emotional maturity. The emotional marketplace is a sea of dysfunctionality in the dating marketplace. So, he wants space, you know what? Here's the thing, Claudia, I'm gonna give you some advice you're probably not gonna listen to me. Move on. But you're not gonna listen to me, you'll play this fantasy game, you'll come back a couple years from now going, fuck, I wished I'd listened to Jonathan when he said, move on. But you're not going to. By the way, this could be reverse psychology too. Thank you so much. Oh, Raisha says, but rest bitch face attracts them too. Yeah, it attracts jackass, man, in my opinion. But if you want jackasses, knock yourself out. All right, bum, bum, bum, bum. Jane Spitfire is in the house. I read men put ladies in three categories, keepers, sleepers and sweepers, is this true? Sweeper, keep you hidden and sleeper's sex. You know, it's kind of, yeah, I mean, users, spenders and grower builders, it's kind of in the same category, you know? Sweepers means they sweep you under the rug. In other words, they'll have spend time with you, but they're not going to put you out. Well, the thing is, spenders do put you out to their population of friends and family. See, spenders are just incapable of commitment. So I want to say I agree with the concept of this. Sleepers and keepers, it's just the sweepers. I don't know if it relates to my category of what I call spenders. So thank you so much for that. All right, Catherine met on hinge, went to a phone call, wait, went to a phone call same day. Met on hinge, went to, oh, went to the phone. Okay, you were on hinge, got on the phone the same day. He had his location as local and didn't share that he lived across the country until we talked, was nonchalant about it, feels out of integrity. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that he just might have forgot that he had done that, but hey, if you can't meet for coffee, then just say, hey, when you're in town, hit me up then. Because if you can't meet right away, don't fall into the trap of incessant communication with somebody because he could be doing it with 10 other women, this communication. We have a lot of them lonely people out there that just want to connect. I'm guilty of it, you know, it's funny. I remember right when I got back into the dating marketplace after my relationship ended, which was now seven months ago. You know, the first woman I talked to, and by the way, she lived at the other end of the country. I just wanted some company, but she knew the distance too. She gave me the all I might consider moving to California, bullshit. So she was doing a search here. I wasn't doing a search there. But you know, sometimes we just want to talk to somebody because it's nice to have some company. You know, look at it that and then move on, is my opinion, Catherine. I hope that helps. Sharon says, you're right, Jonathan, there's always issues with a hoarder, get away from him. Oh, let's keep going here. Rut wants to say, thank you profiles are ridiculous. Sadly, yes. Oh, Jane wants to know, would anyone date a man missing one leg? Didn't Paul McCartney marry, or was he in a relationship with a, didn't you marry a woman that had one leg? Good question. I don't know how I'd feel about that. There'd have to be a lot of spec, not that a leg makes up for, I mean, I want a spectacular woman. Like, if I met the most spectacular woman and she was missing a leg, I probably wouldn't have an issue with it, but she'd have to be pretty extraordinary for me to go there, just a thought. So hopefully he's an extraordinary man. Danielle says, how do I stop saying sorry all the time to my current significant other? My ex was verbally and mentally abusive, and the way the calm the situation, I'd say I'm sorry, I'm new to, my new SEO told me I say it too much. You know, it's funny. Have you ever been to Canada? It's funny. You could step on a Canadian's foot and they'll look at you and apologize. I feel like it's like, move to Canada. You will be fit right in with everybody there because they all say, I'm sorry. At least that's the experience I had. Has anyone ever experienced that with Canadians? They all seem to apologize. I think awareness, like changing any other behavior, it's first learning to catch it. Now at first you're not going to be good at it, but if you really are mindful of your communication, you might say it and not catch it, and you might say it and not catch it, but one time you'll say it and you go catch it and go, oh, I reversed that, in other words. And then you'll do it again and again, and what's going to happen is slowly, but surely you'll be pulling away. I understand you might want to get to the core coming back to what caused you to say this, and you might even want to see a therapist to heal that wound, but awareness is catching yourself. And by the way, you expect men, ladies, generally speaking, you're expecting men to improve their behavior. The only way we can improve any behavior for ourselves and others is through awareness. Let me give you an example. This Portia Nelson has this, it's called My Autobiography in Five Short Chapters. Chapter one, I'm walking down the street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in, I'm lost, I'm helpless, but it isn't my fault, it takes a long time to get out. Chapter two, I'm walking down the same street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in, I'm lost, I'm helpless, but it isn't my fault, it still takes a long time to get out. Chapter three, I'm walking down the street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in, I recognize where I'm at. It's my fault, I get out quickly. Chapter four, I'm walking down the street. There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. Chapter five, I walk down another street. See, in that same vein, if you will, before you fall in, you're catching yourself, but if you don't catch yourself when you fall in, if you immediately take ownership. See, the difference between chapter one and two and three is the ownership piece. If you can take ownership, that's awareness. And when you take ownership enough, you'll be able to walk down another street. Hope that helped, Danielle. Thank you for that wonderful question. Lighthouse, by the way, before we get started, come on, someone join the hot seat. I'll be kind tonight. I won't be as tough as I usually am. Lighthouse, sex question, in a relationship, why would a man with ED push for sex if he needs to use the blue pill? Do they experience the desire physically without their reaction or what's the deal? Well, great question. So the thing is, as men age, it's not that we can't, for some men, we get like a partial hard-on. Usually when we're stimulated, we'll get what's called a chubby, okay? We'll get a partial hard-on. The blue pill helps maintain the erection. So for many of us in midlife, and I'm in that category, I take a blue pill. Actually, I take a white pill. It's effectively a blue pill because I'd like to have the hardest hard-on I can have, okay? And two, and it's not for premature. It's just I'd like to have as hard as it can be. And so it enhances. For some men, they actually have to inject, they have a syringe and they inject in their penis something that gets them hard. This is usually for men that are starting, they had age 70 plus, where this just has to do with vascular issues, circulatory issues, that sort of thing. I know a couple of dear friends of mine, they're both in their 70s, they have sex once a week and I asked them about it and he puts it. He has to inject something in his penis or at the base of his penis. So yeah, the blue pill. So what's your question? Why would a man with ED push for sex? Because he wants to have sex. He wants to have an ejaculation. He wants to connect with you both on a physical and emotional level. That's the reason why. So don't judge him for it, be grateful for it. Just like you ladies, you need vag, you need lubricant for your vagina. Pill is in the same context. It's just helps to improve your sex together. All right, great question. Rachel's back in the house. I sensed he was going to cancel the date. So I told him the vibe he was sending where he's not interested. It turned, he turned it around and asked if I was bipolar on med saying it's okay. He needs to know gaslight. All right, so what's the point of bringing it up? I mean, there's no, what's the value of it? I mean, I guess the question is he, I sensed he was going to cancel the date because you had a vibe and that's what happened. He obviously got defensive. He turned it around, but let's focus on you. What do you need to know from this question? What do you need to know from this question? See, ladies, a lot of times you guys will share negative things about men because you want to gain sympathy from everybody, but I'm here to say, if you really want to improve, then ask yourself, what do I need? What did I learn from this experience? Or what do I need to know based on this experience? That's my invitation for you. That's greater awareness in my part anyway. Oh my God, Jonathan, you make me life so LOL, love the expletives, LOL. Thank you so much. Bonnie says, I deactivated my match account this past year was exhausting. For now I'm living life single, free of drama. I'm 66, it's a nightmare out here so disappointed. By the way, I would venture to say well over 50%, if not 80% of all new relationships are happening through an online connection. That's not to suggest 80% of people end up in a relationship, I'm just telling you where the small percentage of people are meeting, that happens to be the number one place people meet or through online connections. So it's just a spoke in the wheel. Rita says, Jonathan, this is one of the best live chats so correct in everything you've mentioned. I can relate to this personally. I'm now learning about myself and totally heighten my intuition, way to go. Hey Rachel, thank you for the $5 Super Sticker. So that means we're only $20 away for our goal of $50 tonight. Send us some love for Connor. Question, can you tell a guy you don't, wait, can you tell a guy you don't? I don't know what that means, Rebecca. Sandy wants to say, Jonathan, I appreciate that you were saying but not only women are goal diggers, men are as well. That is true. I said entitled by the way, I think, yeah, you're right. I did say women goal diggers. There are men goal diggers as well. As soon as they find out you are widowed, they want to move in with you and it's very frustrating. Yes, that does happen. So I apologize for blaming women. It's usually your younger women are goal diggers and older men are goal diggers. They're going after those widowed women. And I'm sorry about that. A lot of amen's, amen. I asked that earlier. Let's keep going here. Aurora's in the house. Wait, hey, alas, vetting someone for their emotional maturity to avoid emotional devastation. I'm tasting a bit of it now and it sucks. Emotional marketplace. Remember that coin by Jonathan Asley? Aurora, upon agreeing to the dating vows, are you officially boyfriend and girlfriend or is this after a three to six month period of determination? Okay, for those who are not familiar with what she's talking about, it's my dating vows. I'm gonna, by the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my dating vows. It's in the description. It'll be in the first comment as well. So the dating vows go like this. Now, usually this is something you do right before being physically intimate or shortly thereafter, okay? Now, it says I agree. Okay, so I, Jonathan, agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious within the next three to six months. So it's differentiating between, well, we'll get to this and I'll come back to that one. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we have regular sex together. So it's the agreement of monogamy. I agree to not actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process, including taking down my dating profiles. That's exclusivity. I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back, ghosting or disappearing. I agree to invest regular time in the process of getting to know you, which looks like spending three or four days a night to week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy with the eventual ality of either moving in together or getting married. The first valve is I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious. What I mean to say is men typically know about 90 days into dating, whether or not you are truly, for lack of a better word, wife material, for the most part, okay? This is the grower-builder map. The users never get to the three month mark. The spenders, they'll waste your fucking time for years pretending to be available for a relationship. This is why you have to learn vetting skills and discernment. But no, you're already agreeing to monogamy and exclusivity in regular time together and the regular time together gives you insight into whether or not this is gonna be something more serious versus, you got it first off, look at 90 days. You might go after, by the way, I dated this one woman after about six weeks. I'm like, I don't like this woman. I just don't. We didn't get along well. She, we had differences of opinion. I'm like, I want out. I mean, we had sex together on the sex sock, by the way, that should have been an indicator. But I'm here to say, okay, maybe I've been a bad lover in the past. I don't know, well, that's hard to say. But yeah, we can date someone and go, they're not right for us. My son, here's poor Colin right there. He dated a woman and in five months, he said, I wasn't feeling it. He just, he wasn't feeling love for the person. Love doesn't happen right away. It takes us three to six months to feel deeper love for someone. And that's about the time you should declare something serious. So Aurora, great question. All right, Rebecca's in the house. Why does a guy you break up with say, oh, I guess you found someone else with anger? Like that is the only reason. I think he's a spender. He is very much an emotionally wounded individual that doesn't know how to regulate his emotions. So he is most likely was a spender. He's unable to take ownership on his part. He has to deflect blame you so he can feel better about himself. That's the reason why he did it. Okay, Rita's in the house. Jonathan, you were so right about people's profiles. They're so crap. It puts me off that the men in most, you know, Rita, I'm willing to give you, write my, go to my website, JonathanAsley.com, or go to my website, JonathanAsley.com, write my assistant Christina. I want you to send me your profile because I'm gonna bet you yours is a piece of crap too. Okay, and I will bet my, I'm putting my money where my mouth is. I charge $300 to review your profile. I'm gonna do it for free, but if it's crap, I expect you to pay me a hundred bucks. Are you willing to do it? I'm putting my money where my mouth is and I'm gonna bet yours is crappy too, or marginally okay. All right, write my assistant. I'm putting my money where my mouth is. Bonny says, thank you for your wisdom and insight. I'm a widow and my late husband was amazing. Maybe at this stage of my life, I just live free. The gene pool I found in the late 60s is full of users and dysfunctional. Yes, men and women are like, are both users and dysfunctional. It's true for women as well as men, but I'm sorry you lost your husband. I'm sending you a big gigantic hug. And remember, Betty White lived another 35 or 40 years after her husband and passed away and she seemed to live a good life. Rachel's in the house again. Hey, Jonathan, can we have a retreat where we can meet you and other members on here? I am going to be doing a speaking gig on May 28th in Marina del Rey. I will post it. It's only gonna be a singles mixer, but that is an opportunity to meet me. I know that's a big expense to travel that far, but I will be in Los Angeles, California. On May 28th, it's gonna be called ditch the dating apps, meet organically. The goal is to get men and women together. I'll do a short presentation. We'll have a singles mixer. Who knows, I might meet the love of my life there and I'm hoping if one of you does decide to travel out. Or Rachel, what you can do is host me at your location. All I need is airfare and hotel. That's all I require to do any speaking gig at your location, okay? Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Catherine says, yes, lived in Toronto for six months. They all say sorry in replacement. I've, excuse me, what, what, what that? Sherry says, Canadians tend to be polite. Yeah. Rita says dysfunctional dating atmosphere, exactly. Oh, is Brian in the house? Let's see, let's keep going. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Claudia's back in the house. The guy who left me, not because of my fault, just due to a circumstances for reason needs space and does not wanna talk to me when I'm being friendly. Why can this be? Well, he's gotta sort some stuff out. That's what's going on. He's just sorting some stuff out. I just think that's a shitty thing to do. I mean, it's one thing if you have a conversation and say to you, hey, I need to sort some things out. I just don't know where I stand right now and having a real conversation with one another. And then kind of, if two people have been having regular sex together, you have every right that if he wants to leave and come and go and back and forth, you have every right to make requests. And I would say you have a right here to make a request, but he left you. And so if he left you, it sounds like it's done anyway. And usually if they come back, it's out of some level of desperation, if you will. And it will most likely implode anyway, just statistically speaking, it's gonna implode. So people have your shit together and do relationship with other people who have their shit together. That's my opinion. Brian says, Jane, no, not at all. I'm picky about W, I put my stick, where I put my stick. I guess that's what he means. Let's keep going. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Oh, thank you, Roller Goal for the $2 Super Sticker. We really appreciate it. Bill has says, how can I get my crush like me back? You know, I'm not, I'm not, why not just just tell him you like him? Just tell him you like him and see what he says. See what your most likely experiences is what's known as unrequited love. You have most likely a fantasy built about this person that you have a crush on. And in this fantasy, and I'm gonna use the word fantasy and delusion, you have a desire to connect with him. So why not just tell him you like him and roll the dice? But Jonathan, I can't. I'm duct tape on my, I have duct tape on my nose. I have duct tape on my nose. See, I get, by the way, I use the duct tape reference because you're in fear. Most everyone's afraid. You know, they say, fortune rewards the brave. Fortune rewards the brave. Or it's something like a phrase like that, okay? Or the bold. So you have a choice. You can live in the fantasy delusion that I'm speculating here, Phyllis. So I don't mean to, you know, cast you out like this. But be brave. All you have to lose is the fantasy you created because you haven't lost him, just the fantasy. But most humans would rather cling to a fantasy than really step into their power and say, hey, I like you and see what happens. By the way, how does everyone feel about the advice I just gave Phyllis? I'd be curious to hear. Roller girl, thank you again for that $2 for Connor. I really appreciate that. All right. Oh, Aurora just gave us $5. Thank you for the love. We're almost at that $50 mark. Okay, this will probably be the last question of the night. Sharon says, any chance you will do a retreat in New Zealand? All right, here's the deal, Sharon. Put together a retreat. All I need is airfare, but I fly first class that far. And hotel. You cover the airfare hotel, I'll do it for free. Okay, just write my, go to my website, JonathanAsley.com, put together a workshop there and I will gladly speak anywhere around the world. I just need airfare, hotel and all the incidentals in between. I don't need to be paid for the event. So you make the event happen, I'll just show up, get me the plane ticket and the hotel and transfers and all that good and food, okay? Okay, wait. All right, folks. Hey, we just talked about a really important conversation, the emotional marketplace. In comparison to the sexual marketplace, I'm here to say is the emotional investment you make in a man can directly affect your emotional well-being. That's right, it can directly affect your emotional well-being. And so I'm here to say before you even remotely consider someone from a dating perspective, do your homework ahead of time first, meaning get really crystal clear on who you are and what you want. And then during the process of dating vet, vet for their emotional maturity, vet for their character. Because quite frankly, these days, we're walking around with a loaded gun like this. And the minute you're with the wrong person, it's like clicking the button. And what I mean is emotionally speaking, it can be heartbreaking. And I want you to avoid heartbreak at any and all costs. Is this thinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. As always, if you find value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well. And if you want to connect with me, check out the links below to schedule a discovery call with me to find following me at my group called Midlife Love Mastery. Follow me on Instagram and all that good stuff listed below. And I'm going to wrap up this videos I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrack of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank Rachel and Sandy and Elena and Sherry and Raisha and Give Me Freedom and Aurora and Sherry. I think I said that Zengal and Vanessa and Rebecca and Sue and everybody who donated tonight, Sue, Cosmic Glowup, Elena, Brian, everyone that was on tonight, big hugs. Thanks so much for your love and support. Be well, take care. Bye now.