 SCP Foundation, what is your emergent? Oh, damn it, Partybot! Okay, look, I will send Mobile Task Force Epsilon 7 codename Sunday afternoon hangover to come pick up Partybot. You just stay hydrated. Damn it, Doc. How long does this last? Oh, we're going to be dancing for about two hours, so I hope you haven't gotten your cardio in for the day. You really thought you did something, didn't you, SCP-049? But your extra-universal backup is being dissipated by my Scranton reality anchors as I speak. You will all be cat-made waifus! Is it wrong to tamper with human DNA? Is it wrong to murder an entire ethics committee? Is it wrong to replace them with obedient, laboratory clones? I leave these questions in the capable hands of the Ethics Committee. Let's sing it together. Tell me why! My blob was in a blender. Tell me why! Who's soul I gotta render? Tell me what's his face! Begin test, D3086, please enter the enclosure and approach the entities. Gaging for reaction. All right, they've noticed her. And, huh, send in another D-Class. Begin the test. Voice, voice, voice. Do you recognize the bodies of the water? Ooze! Good day, sir! Did you all hear that? This is so exciting! The entities never just turn themselves in. Mr. Candyman, welcome to the Foundation! Are you ready for some science? I'm apparently not the only one who doesn't believe in Josh Groban. Oh no, you're not the only one. Item number, SCP- Redacted. Object Class, uncontained. Special Containment Procedures. The entity publicly known as Josh Groban must be allowed to roam free in order to maintain its existence. Agents embedded in the music and film industries are to give it periodic jobs in order to maintain the public facade that Josh Groban does, in fact, exist. Description. Josh Groban is a self-propagating, memetic entity. As long as Josh Groban believes in Josh Groban, Josh Groban will continue to exist. While the fans' knowledge of Josh Groban does not intrinsically help Josh Groban maintain its existence, it does tangentially help it believe in itself. Of course, this existential crisis you gave it has set our experimentation schedule back by weeks, so we're going to have to recall it back to Site-19 for reprogramming. Fly, Josh, back to Site-19, where we can fix its brain. Winsony East. I am literally on a multi-universal quest to turn all SCP-049s in the multiverse into cat-made waifus. Yeah, did the maid dress? Wear the cat ear! Alright, SCP-999, I don't want you to be jealous, but we're about to introduce you to your new little brother, sister, sibling, blob. No, no, I know you're unique and one of a kind, and we love you, but also, it's spooky season and we have a lot of those people in our audience, so Spooky Pumpkin 999 is wonderfully adorable and we stan. Mothman. Man who is moth. Man who is moth, love lamp. Light of lamp, make man of moth happy. Oh no, lamp of light gone. Use flashlight, bring back light. Mothman happy, bye! Have you ever been in a party that was going so well until it wasn't? Until it went completely off the rails. If so, you may have been a victim of SCP-1367. SCP-1367 appears to be a seemingly normal red helium balloon that one would find at a children's birthday party. Its physical anomalies are that it does not leak helium so it will not deflate as a non-anomalous balloon would, and it is capable of self-locumotion, moving when there is no breeze or even moving against the breeze at times. The balloon uses said self-locumotion to hunt. Specifically, it hunts for parties, picnics, and celebrations with an overall positive mood and then uses its anomalous abilities to create voices of entertainers or people yelling chug, chug, chug to cause the party to become more ruckus. There's not a compulsion effect, but people who go along with it anyways will end up acting pretty wild. Full briefing on YouTube. 035 is resorted into hitchhiking, which is good for us because who's stupid enough to pick up a prisoner? This old footage? They already have? Blowing up that country was a bad luck, but the foundation does a lot of good too. We release Michael Buble from Cryo every year so we can summon Santa. Oh yeah, Santa's real. The SCP Foundation Wiki famously follows the motto, There is no canon. All of the stories are individual, and though some will collaborate and link together, there is no overarching canon, the way there is with other fandoms where they can argue about what's canon and what's not. Artists do love collaborating though, multiple authors work together on one set of stories and grow one particular universe. We term that a canon within the SCP universe. You can visit the SCP Wiki's canon hub to find a master list of all the canons we have. A couple of these canons that I think you might find particularly interesting. The Broken Masquerade. The foundation stops an XK class end-of-the-world scenario, but blows up North Korea accidentally in the process. Now the whole world knows about the foundation, and they have to deal with not being secret anymore. Yes, that is Dr. Clef having an interview with Oprah. Aces and Aids. What if The Foundation, but Cowboys? And Daybreak. What if SCP-001 one day breaks, but more? It's not exactly common for anomalous entities to turn themselves in for imprisonment and experimentation, but that's not to say it never happens. SCP-2662, for example, is a massive Cthulhu-like entity who saves the Foundation willingly to hide from its cultists because, and I quote, I'm not ready to settle down with a cult yet, I'm only like 200 years old, I'm barely legal. Then there's SCP-5047. This fellow teleported in and out of multiple sites, snooping around. We thought he was a spy until he picked one, teleported him and his pregnant wife into one of our storage lockers, and handed us an envelope with $2,800 labeled a rent. Wish my rent was only $2,800. Oh, shit! Most of the time, I would say no due to practicality issues. The ensuing bloodbath of recontaining 096 would not be worth the assured destruction of one target. Of course, there is that one time that the Foundation decided to go full bender bending Rodriguez and kill all humans. I am, of course, talking about SCP-5000, titled Y. Our first move was to plant 096's face on various social media platforms. It's probably still running around. We also used Mr. Deeds as a teleporting butler assassin to take out all the heads of state. Resist the black butler joke! I've got to hand it to the author, Tanhoni. He really got creative with how the Foundation would weaponize SCPs against humanity. But don't worry. We're not in the universe where SCP-5000 happens. Right? Everybody claims to want a spooky goth, girlfriend. But no one's ever willing to put in the work. You gotta sanctify the house with incense. You gotta clean the ritual daggers. You gotta heap praise upon her true form as she devours your soul. Grow up, boys. I say we sit tight and assess. Sit tight and, and assess. Sit tight and assess. You want us to sit tight. And then assess. And if you keep yelling about it, everyone's gonna want one. Here. Drink this. You'll forget. I mean, feel better. Yes, ma'am. Our line of thinking was that as long as 049 wants the gender switching stone that badly, we could use it as a bargaining chip in return for help on containment operations. Yes! Lead it in the containment chamber! Will you help me hide a body? Huh? Come on, we can't delay. What did you do? No one can see him on the floor. Get him out the door before he can decay. Why would you call me? Begin test. The door's falling. He's filling up. A little chef. Researcher Nugget has summoned the entity. Let's wait for it to arrive from its enclosure. Excellent. Get started in there. Today's test, we are working on interactions between the little chef and small animals. Eventually, we want the little chef to go on rotation with Dr. Cain Pathos-Crow. He has very interesting ideas about animal behavioral psychology due to the fact that he is, too, a dog. Oh, yeah. After you've seen Dr. Bright and Dr. Clef, you would think that a talking dog researcher wouldn't be that weird. Oh, a bit messy. Can we get that cleaned up? Hey! Hey, calm down, alright? Sheesh. Taking off points. Oh! Alright, this is good. I don't mind if you're mean to Researcher Nugget as long as you're nice to the puppy. That'll do nicely. Thank you in advance, and cheers.