 only I or you decide how to frame a past trauma. I had to decide how do I frame my father in my life? What will be my abiding thinking that I decide to settle upon about him? Because whatever that is a game will decide whether or not I get stuck in the trauma and I am being abused by him therefore on a daily basis though he's long gone from my life. I have to decide how to frame what happened how to frame my trauma and abuse and so do you. I decided that I would frame my view of my father as seeing him as a man who was in trauma himself. Never knew it never got help. My father himself was traumatized perhaps by his own father who I didn't know my grandfather. I framed my dad as a troubled man a man that was in trauma himself a man that perhaps did the best they knew how to do as a parent in my kind of thinking of him. I see my dad as a teacher to me in all the things I'm sharing with you now. I'm taking something good from something terrible. I'm trying to make it redemptive I'm progressive instead of miserable and destructive. I've decided that I will not stay wounded but I will allow what happened to me to become a scar that heals over from which I can help you.