 Give me one second here, let me see if I can clean the camera. I'm in the hotel. I was trying to use my love. My love container. A potato salad I had earlier today to set my camera up. Let me see. I just posted this a few minutes ago. Oh, you know what I didn't do? You know what I didn't do? I didn't let the bless tribe know. All right, there. Okay, y'all got to forgive me for my angle on here. I'm in the hotel room and on the road working and wanted to pop in because I ain't have nothing to do tonight. What I did was set up an email to go out to y'all Friday and Saturday for tonigasthanacademy.com because that's going to be closing down for almost a month, you know, and then open back up in the holidays like Black Friday. So if it's a course, so I made some of the courses like the Love and Relationship courses, $10. So go on tonigasthanacademy.com get to $10 courses and the other course if you need, if you needed your next course before it opens back up at the end of November. And if you've never taken a course on tonigasthanacademy.com, go check it out. I use that to where everything I learn, everything I do, I put it into a course on there. And so hey to the new to the new members for those y'all who don't know, this is the the bless tribe and I do I try to do a live Q and A for the blessed tribe once a week where I can answer your questions live and direct versus through the Instagram Q and A on Instagram when I do it in the stories, you know, I don't get to answer a whole lot. And then to when I'm doing it on Instagram, I'm writing it. So sometimes I answer maybe five minutes long. But on Instagram, I only got, you know, a limited amount of space. So I can't really answer it. And so the answers they'll come off as rude or sharp or too short. And sometimes I just answer it and then everybody be writing why can you explain? And I'm like, no, I can't explain because I don't have that much room. So I try to do these where I can go a little bit more in depth with your questions. And so this is a free Q and A for the members where you can put your questions in the chat. Make sure you put hashtag Q in front of your question so I can see it and to the moderators that's on here. Y'all could, you know, rest tonight on the chat. You don't have to delete stuff and all of that. Y'all could rest and, you know, enjoy the chat. Um, Angelique B. They say Angelique been a member for 20 months. God bless you. Told God on day smokers, he still pursues why? Because he don't believe you. It just like Christian women saying that they, that they Christian and Christians supposed to be abstinent until marriage. But every Christian know nine out of 10 of us was in that bed. I can a fool. And so men just don't believe nothing women say, just because life has shown him otherwise so many times. That's all it is. And it's a lot of smoking men with women who don't smoke, you know, because they're one in one love. Now, being that it's a lot of questions that come in here. I'm going to just grab the one at the bottom that I see. And hopefully y'all up on you. Hopefully you watching live and not behind where I'm at, because I noticed that that happens a lot. He chose to step back via text, then turn around, sent me long messages explaining why and sent flowers to have combo about it. I declined. He treated me right the whole time we dated. Was I wrong? No, you weren't wrong. You weren't wrong. It's like if you want to step back via text, then go and step on back, you know, ain't no sense in sitting down and hashing it out and talking all through it. Could have did that on the phone to begin with instead of doing it through text. So, you know, you could just leave that how it is. Now, God bless you. How to begin a relationship with God. I struggle to start or stay consistent. Thank you for all you do, Tony. You are so appreciated. Everybody's relationship with God is intimate. You know, where you say struggle in the start or stay consistent, that's not what God requires, so to speak, meaning staying consistent, talking to God, your every breath could be a talk to God. You know, you pray to God in your own prayer language, meaning you could be praying as you work and praying as you walk in. Like it's not a certain like, oh, you got to do this one hour a day or you got to do this, you know, X amount of times to have a real relationship with God. You know, your relationship with God is intimate. God is a spirit and so that spirit is within you. So once you, you know, save the sinner's prayer and accept God as your savior and then you actively seek God by reading the Holy Bible. And if you can't read it, then listen to it. And when you're not reading it or listening to it, you're still talking to God and praying and, you know, you know how to live, write and do the right thing. You're trying to be an example to the best of your ability. God bless you. Hi, Tony, I've been asking this question for the longest on IG. I get approached sometimes by men in public while my children are present. What to do? If you want to date, then you're gonna have to let your kids see that mama still got it. And you just, it's not like you're standing in front of your kids and, you know, talking nasty. You know, the man said, hey, how are you? You know, my name is such and such. What's your name? You said, oh, my name is such and such. Just wanted to know if you're single. Yes, I am. Would you, would it be okay if we connect? And you just say, yes, here you go. Here's my business card. You know, and you handing me a card and going about your business. It don't have to be anything long and drawn out. If your kids are too young to understand, then they're not gonna understand what just happened anyways. If they're of age, then they'll be like, oh, I see your mama. And you know, if y'all have had that talk, so it just depends on their ages. And, you know, you prepare them first. But it's not something, if you want to date, then you're gonna have to, and if a man approached you with your kids, that might be your husband, because that means he thinks you look so much like his wife. He couldn't let you pass by. Even though you walking with kids and he could easily assume that you with your baby daddy still, that you with your husband. But if he bold enough to approach you with kids, then that's a, that says something totally different. And God bless your male coworker friend told me his friend who works with us is interested. He said, to act like I don't know this, how do I act moving forward? I feel like it's hard to not show. I know. I think he cute too though. Well, for one, what you got to realize is sometimes men be lying about that kind of stuff just for, just for kicks, just to have a reason to talk to you. Just to see how you feel about a man on the job liking you, to see if you like that friend, to see if he could shoot his shot. And so, you know, that's real, that's real elementary or middle schoolish. If a grown man like you, a grown man gonna tell you he like you. A grown man who is intended to be something serious in your life is not finna tell his friend he like you and then have old gossiping friend coming to tell you that he like you. They ain't how a grown man moves. So, you know, and acting like you know, it's no way really, you know, you can act like you know. Now, if you could, man, you could rub it all on his chest and stuff. That's a little different, but other than that, it's like, hey, how you doing? Just act like you've always acted. But for one, I question if it's even true. Until next time, God bless you. Is it okay to ask my boyfriend, hey, y'all putting y'all questions in the chat. If you see people throwing up these here and God bless y'all for those, what you call a super chat, so what have you? Then just hold your question in the chat cause I'm not gonna see it anyways cause these right here pop up on the screen, prominent. Is it okay to ask my boyfriend a 14 months for his phone to see if he's still texting his female friend after he told me he would cut her off? Boyfriend a 14 months for his phone. No, it's not okay. And honestly, you really shouldn't, when you are in a dating relationship, the phone is off limits because you're not one. Like in marriage, there's no ownership. There's no real privacy unless you just wanna grant that privacy just out of human decency. But in marriage, you become one. When you're dating, you steal two. So it's been 14 months. That's not your husband. So what's his is not yours. What's his is his, what's yours is yours. And so when you take and you ask him for his phone, for one, if he's not doing anything, you're gonna break his trust in you. You're gonna rub him the wrong way. And two, all you're gonna do is just teach him how to hide stuff and how to cheat better. So it's something to where if you wanna find out, then you will be directly invading his privacy you know, to find out. But that's really about the only way. Star G, God bless you. Hey, Tony, my sis saw ex at the mall with new girlfriend and new baby, who he cheated on me with. And I didn't know. He spoke to her was acting all friendly. Why? That's kind of like a why is water wet question. You know, it's just sometimes it's no real rhyme or reason to certain things that men do. It's just he didn't wanna act nasty, you know. It's nothing really to it. It's like he didn't wanna act nasty. He knows her. He just, he moved on with his life. He assuming you moved on with your life. And you know, he just, just acting. It's not anything like it's gotta be malicious or anything like that. Won't you bag or just won't her to come and report back to you. You know, it could be some of that, but you can't, you can't go down that rabbit hole. Teresa, God bless you. What are your thoughts on dating a good man of God that a woman isn't physically attracted to? Everything else is good. Well, you shouldn't cheat yourself. You shouldn't cheat yourself just like God love him. God love you. So if God know your heart and God know that you're gonna be lacking and you're gonna be desiring something else while you witness man, then that's not of God. God ain't sending that man to you for you to be lacking and for you to be desiring something else because if you lust it in your heart, then you are cheating. So, you know, understand that about that. And a lot of times what you have to understand is when we're not physically attracted to somebody, they could be physically attracted. He could be physically attracted to you because you are not on his level, so to speak. Like you are the prize, like he looking up to you. But then the woman that is physically attracted to him, he treating her like chopped liver. So he could actually be a jerk. He could actually be a butthole, but he's a great guy because he wants you. So that's why you should like who likes you but make sure you like them too. Like who likes you does not just mean to like somebody that you don't like. It doesn't mean that. And if that is what it means, we're changing it. Like who likes you mean whoever you like, make sure they like you back. And don't be liking somebody that doesn't like you. So he shouldn't be wanting you if you don't want him. He need to go get a woman that he is attracted to and she is also attracted to him so they both can be fulfilled in that thing. And let them know in a nice way. Jonea, God bless you. Okay, now I can get to the regular chat. Guy I'm dating is all words, no action. Tried to call it off two times, but he insists he wants me. Nothing has changed. Do I walk away finally without explaining this time? You can explain, but then just walk away. You know, you explain it, but then you keep letting him, you keep answering his call. You know answering his call or calling him back. And so you can explain, but then just don't answer the call no more. And stop wasting your time. And see, this is the thing. When you're done with the situation, be done with the situation. Because the longer you play with a situation, it's like winding up a jack in the box. And you keep winding, winding, winding, winding, if eventually that thing jump on out of there. And so when you're done with somebody, be done with them. Because if you keep letting them hang around and kind of, kind of around, kind of playing around with them, then you messing with a mental and that can make them, you know, go off, go over, go overboard, off the handle. J.M., God bless you, now. Bless you, Tony. You met this guy on Facebook. Everything was good. He ghosted me. It's been two weeks, no contact, but I haven't reached out. I got self-respect, but he still watches my Facebook stories. Why is that, Tony? It's most likely, which you can never say for sure, but it's either he don't like you like that, meaning he doesn't, he changed his mind after talking to you and getting to know you. He don't want you as a girlfriend, but he okay looking at you. He's okay watching to see what you do and how you move and how you live your life. Or the other thing is typically he had a woman or maybe they was on a break or he was looking to cheat and then now he's back with her and trying to do the right thing. It's nine out of 10 times one of those two things. Well, God let me know when I'm ready to date, praying to lose the fear of dating again. Well, God don't give you the spirit of fear, as Timothy says, but of love, power and a sound mind. So when you ready to date again, you'll have a sense of confidence and you'll have a sense of knowledge of what the red flags are and you'll feel confident because you say, like sometimes I see people in the comments and they say, and they'll write something like, when I get back out there, I'm gonna be so ready after watching all these videos, I'm fitting to be on it. That's the feel you need to have and that you should have when you ready. And that's when you'll know. Marie Marie, I just answered your question, but you probably, you might be behind it, behind on the chat. I'm trying to get to the chat and then the super chats keep coming up. Y'all forgive me. Kayleigh God bless you. I'm a 23 year old V. I have never been in a relationship before. I want my first boyfriend to be my husband. I sometimes think I'm wasting my time. Well, if you ain't had a boyfriend yet, you really ain't wasting no time. You know, you live in life and you're 23 years old, so you're still a baby. You know, what you need to be, it's kind of like the same occupying until I return. What people say about God, what you need to be doing, and this for everybody, this for every single person, stop worrying about relationships. When you're single, because if you chase it, it will elude you. If you chase love, love will elude you. If you become love, love will surround you. So that's a quote I created. And what that means is becoming love means you love yourself, meaning get the best business or career, get the best mindset, get the best body, get the best of everything else that you have control over. You don't have control over who approaches you, who tries to come into your life. You don't have any control over that. Just only focus on what you can control. And when you focus on what you can control, because see a lot of times singles will say, oh, I'm ready for love or I want a boyfriend, I want a girlfriend. But then when I look at them, it's like, you're not even ready. You know, you're not even ready. You still have to, you know, you may need to get a new lace front line. You may need to get your new wig company. You may need to lose your 20 pounds. You may need to lose 100 pounds. You may need to start your business. You may need to start your nonprofit foundation. You may need to take another certification class or finish your degree and climb the ranking your job. Like you don't want love to come a second before you're ready to receive it because we attract what we are, not what we want. So when you become who you need to be, that's when you will, love will surround you. So oftentimes when it's not coming, it's truly because we're truly not ready. Everything happens in due season when it's time, when it's ready, when your mind is right, when your spirit is right, when your body is right, when everything is truly ready, your personality is right. That's when it happens. And a lot of times it's just one thing off. It's something, some people, they'd be like, oh, I got a nice body. I got a nice job. I got a diss in that. And I'll be like, well, your personality bad. You got all that, but you arrogant. You got all that, but you're still insecure. You got all that, but it just, it ain't God's timing for you. You got all that, but you ain't did what God told you to do. You ain't started your nonprofit organization. You haven't written your book. You haven't started your LLC. So God not gonna put more on you than you can bear. You could be all that in a bag of chips, but if you haven't done what you need to do in every area to be positioned and ready for real love, it's not gonna happen. Allie, God bless you. I'm 40, 10 years together, engaged for two. He's always combative and defensive. No change to behavior. What do I do? Allie, let me ask you, what do you think you need to do on that? What do the tone in my voice sound like you need to do? I can't tell people what to do. I try not to tell people what to do and try not to give advice in the sense of what to do and all of that. And the reason why I'm trying to be more careful with that is because I could tell you the lead and that man be Ted Bundy nephew. You see what I mean? And then your family looking at me. So you know what you need to do. You just don't want to do it. And so even you gotta use common sense on that. You know, if a man, for one, if a man with two 10 years and ain't married you, that don't sound like marriage is what he wants with you. If a man is not changing, you see what I mean? We have to get to where we using common sense. And we not, you know, the way we ain't got to get our nose broke with the truth to make a change. You know, you got to be able to make a decision because if you just make a move based on what somebody on the internet says, then that move is not a strong move. You're gonna go backwards. You're gonna go backwards on that. You got to make the move because your heart has come to a place to where you say, this is what I need to do. I'm ready. Y'all, let me get some of these Hill Super Chat. When y'all do them light blue and their 499, those right there be disappearing. So y'all have to understand that they disappear on it. So if I got a long answer, your thing disappeared. Hey, Tony, talk to the mentor. God bless you. Hey, Tony, I've been single for so long. I get irritated when someone likes me. It's that normal. It's like my heart is open, but it's cold. Want love, though. Well, Tasha, the mentor, it sound like you need a mentor. It sound like you need to work through some things, you know, work through some baggage, work through some pain because what your mouth's saying, your heart ain't agreeing. Monisha Perkins, God bless you. That's all. You just need to talk it out. Evo century, God bless you. I left my man because he didn't inform me that he was staying out of town another day because he didn't have service. But his friends did. Was I overreacting? I mean, where was he? You know, like, where was he on the submarine out of town? Like, how do you not have service? Like, even if you're in another country, when you're going to a hotel, you got Wi-Fi. And when you got Wi-Fi, that mean you can send an email. That mean you can send an e-message or whatever kind of message on Wi-Fi, you know, I'm not really buying a no service type situation. And stepping back, that's totally fine. You know, if you step back, like you leave him, he may feel like it's the end of the world, like you done. And if he come correct and he apologize and he explain the situation and he break it down to you, he tell you what he gonna do different and all of that right there. And you want to give it another shot there. And okay, you didn't leave him for putting hands on you. You didn't leave him because you got cheating evidence. You left him because he didn't do the adult responsible decent thing to do by communicate to you that he gonna be out of town another day. Which he should have done that, but you say I left my man, you didn't say I left my husband. And so if that's not your husband, then technically he a grown man and he don't have to tell you that he staying out of town one more day. So what you left him for is so minuscule that if he corrects behavior and he come back like he understand how you feel and where you coming from, then it's worth giving that another shot. Yes, in God bless you. Let me see some now. God bless you, God bless you. Mr. Gasser, thank you to you and your family for being a blessing. Life has been emotionally, professionally and spiritually challenging and grateful I discovered your channel not too long ago. Your words slash wisdom are tremendously helpful in healing, gratitude. God bless you, yes, I really appreciate that. I appreciate that. Rashida, God bless you. Brother, I just wanted to share my testimony. I stepped out of my comfort zone and created my massage business. You too, Paige, I'm building content now. Thank you, your wisdom is a true blessing. Hey, God bless you now. And that's a good way to promote your page too now. You saw on the seed and somebody gonna slide on over there to that page. Now, one of them, one of them in there, I was just about to click and then disappear. Okay, I see. Kingdom work, God bless you now. Tony, I can't afford a session with you right now, but is there any way we can chat one-on-one? I can spare like 70 to 80 bucks, stop looking for anything free. I just need some help. If not, I understand, need a mentor. Kingdom work, it'll be best probably for you to go to my mentor.life. Just because if, what you have to understand in my position, if I do you a favor, if I talk to you and I don't know you, I really don't know what your spirit is like or where you operate from. I can only assume the best, but the reason why my services have the fees that they have is kinda, it weeks out a lot. And even then I still have to deal with certain spirits, but if I do for one, then I got to do for everybody. And so my coaching rate is still a huge discount based on my income, but I have to do that. Otherwise I would be on the phone 158 hours out of the 168 hour week. And so it's just something I have to do. But if I do that for you, then I got to do that for every single other person because just like God has no favorites, I can't have favorites. Cause if I'm doing you a favor, then I'm stepping out of line on my wife because I'm doing another woman a favor. And I don't know that woman. I don't know her motives. I don't know what she coming for. But if a woman comes and she signs up for my professional session, then that's a clear business transaction. And so I can write that as this is a business transaction. If she come with the wrong intentions, then I could check her, cut her off, but yet it still was a business transaction until I found out otherwise. But I just, I'm not in a position to be able to kinda do that because when there's so many people online, it's a million people that say the same thing. So I have to just have certain standards. And that's why I created my mentor.life because here's what you gotta understand. I'm not a guru. Like I'm not a guru. I'm nobody special. It's nothing I'm telling you that another coach on my mentor.life who charges $25 an hour cannot tell you. And this is another thing that I want people to understand. Like when you see people online talking, don't put us on a pedestal. Don't feel like we a guru. Don't feel like we got some type of wisdom or we got something that only we have that only we can help you. The stuff I'm saying is common sense. It's really just common sense. Like everything I tell you somebody else can tell you. So you have to just $70, $80, $80. There's people on my mentor.life that charge $25 an hour and they'll be a blessing to you and that'll get you three sessions because the coach isn't really giving that advice like that. We listening, we asking great questions. And with those questions, you uncovering the answer to what you need to do. So understand that. And I want to fully explain that versus just brushing you off. So you understand my mentality about that being out here and working with mostly women. I have to be very safeguarded and I got to be very careful with how I move. Just cause perception too. Kimberly God bless you. My friend told me if I date, I need to stop holding back. I need to go back to being child like while dating especially if everything is going good. I told her about a guy I met for two weeks. Well, I mean, you know, child like I'm not, well, for one, understand this. Child like don't mean sleeping together. So as long as you ain't doing that, you can laugh and giggle and key key all you want to as long as your legs close. If she mean being naive and dumb and jumping in the bed with a man, then that's bad advice, you know? And at the end of the day, we all know the answers. We know the answers. We know what we supposed to be doing. We know what we need to do. So what we have to start doing is listen to your heart, you know, listen to your heart and meaning not your literal heart like the one that deceived you but listen to your intuition I should say, you know, wisdom and discretion. Cause we know, you know, we're not, it's not rocket science and stop leaning on everybody else all the time because God put an internal compass in us to lead and guide us in a way that we should go. Understanding that you may not have anyone in your circle that you can trust or that has the wisdom that you need. So we all have an internal compass that guides us based on the will of God. If you believe in God, if not, then you could just call it intuition. But nobody else really can call shots for you. You can take things into consideration but at the end of the day, you got to do what makes sense to you and for you because if you take somebody else blueprint, you'll always need that person. So it got to be your blueprint. Starfish God bless you in his 30s and he has a bad comb over. I know hair loss is out of man's control but outdated God's same age with shaved head who owned it. Is this alone a red flag? You know what? I saw this question on IG that you asked me and I didn't know how to answer it. And I really just, well, I didn't answer because it's not really a thing. Like it's not really something that, you should decide to be or not to be with a man over the comb over. You know, that hairline is a struggle. You know, it's a struggle. I got to get my hairline sprayed on every week and I'm just transparent, you know. I got a hairline and you know what I had to do? I had to go to the restoration doctor to get them and they pull hairs from over here and they insert them in your scalp and then those hairs start to grow back but even then, you still look a little wispy and it's like, okay, my hair thinning through here but I'm not finna shave my whole head just for a little bit of thinning. No, I'm not finna do that because for one, I got a hook head. So a lot of times when you see a man with his hair shaved off, that's cause he got a baseball head, not a football head. The man who got football heads, we try to hold on to every little bit of hair that we got and we fight that thing and we fight the good fight of faith and so, you know, it may take getting close to him and then speaking into his life and saying, you know, hey, you know, I think you would look great with a ball head, you know. I think you would look great. You see what I mean? It's just something that our hair, it means something male land, male land female, male land female. That's why so many women wear weaves and lace fronts and wigs. It's just, so now men wearing man units and, you know, hair sprays and all that right there. It's just cause our hair, you know, it means something. So you just come time, you got to get close enough to a person. The chosen ones, God bless you. Starfish, not so. Ali, I guess you're right. So why does he do this? That should have been the question. He does it, Ali, because you are a comfortable place. You know, you're a comfort zone. So he's comfortable with you. And a man keeps a woman in a position without marrying her for several years, like seven to 15 years when he doesn't feel she is the one. And he's open to leaving if he can meet who he feels is the one. But a lot of times those men don't know what they're looking for. So no one is the one. And then when he meets other women who could be the one because he has you in position number one, he doesn't have a lot of time to build with them. So he's building on lies because he's with you. And so the reason why he can't really move forward is because he has one foot in and one foot out. And when if he just commits to being 100% faithful to you in mind, body and spirit, then he could see your true value and realize why he should marry you. But because he's not fully invested for whatever reason, whether it's another woman or at work or whatever, that's why he's not seeing your value. Why are men interested to know the last time you were intimate? It's just territorial. Men are territorial and it's also different reasons. One reason he wanna know how tied you are to another man. Another reason he wants to know if you may still be dealing with that man. Another reason he wanna know if you're doing that so that he knows if he could do that with you. So it could be several different reasons why he's asking that question. Lady C says, been married 13 years, feel like I have to beg for the bare minimum. Don't feel like I have a voice at all. He doesn't include me in plans, just does them and expects me to go with them, to go with it, time to go. When it comes to marriage, before you make a big decision like that, you should really work with a professional. Work with a marriage coach, relationship coach or a therapist, family therapist, or both do both and do four sessions with one and do four sessions with another and do them alone, do them alone first so that you can share your whole story, share your whole side and get feedback for you. Get feedback for you so that you can implement some changes and see if the changes you implement shifts the atmosphere, if it changes some things. And then if it changes some things, then that may be all you needed was some outside input, some other strategies or practices that you could do that changes the dynamic of your relationship. And so do that first before leaving and then after you've done all you can do, then that's when you make your decision. But that's definitely not a good sign. And what it means from the male perspective, it means that he doesn't respect you. It means he has no respect for you because familiarity breeds contempt. So he knows you so well that he feels like he doesn't owe you anything. He doesn't have to respect you. He doesn't have to listen to you because it's kind of now like he sees you like his lap dog. Like he's the master, you the little puppy. And so the owner don't ask the dog what dog wanna do. The owner tell the dog is what we're about to do. And then the dog just adjusts. And so a lot of times people get like that in relationships when they've been with somebody for so long, they just feel like they don't have to work anymore. They don't have to do anything because now you together and it's a lifetime thing. But people have to realize that a relationship is like a job that you can never retire from. Like you got to show up to work every single day. And so that's what it is. And sometimes that mirror got to be put in somebody's face. So you do use some sessions and get your plan. And then if the plan is, okay, he need to come in here and do some sessions or then y'all need to do some sessions together. And then if he won't do any work, then the answer is kinda ridden on the wall for you. Part of 26, God bless you. Y'all gotta forgive me I have to take some deep breaths every now and then. I had some good old baby bite reel. They ain't sitting on me right with some macaroni and cheese and some potato salad. They ain't sitting right until y'all forgive me I have to catch my breath every now and then. To Neil, God bless you. A guy from the past came back into my life. He asked me who I've been with. I took your advice and said, none of your business. And he got annoyed that I didn't tell him and called me an amateur. Nah, hit not listen. Okay, I see I'm gonna have to be a little more literal. And I hope you didn't say, well you sound like you said none of your business. When I say tell the man none of your business, I ain't really mean say none of your business. I'm kinda saying you're more so worded like, don't worry about my past. You in my present and I'm looking to the future. So the past is irrelevant. Something like that. Cause it's no way none of your business could go over smoothly. Somebody asked you, well, who have you been with? Since last time we talked, none of your business. It's no way that could go over smoothly. But at the end of the day, it's not a curse word. You didn't curse him out. So it really don't matter. So if he took offense to that, then okay. He took offense to it. That's on him. But that's why he got annoyed because you have boundaries. You stood your ground and you let him know like, listen, you're not God. I don't have to answer to you for my past excursions, sex, copays, sins or whatever I went through. Like don't worry about that. Like get to know me for me and who I am to you and in front of you and with you. And don't worry about judging me based on anything else. And so, and that's the space that we need to be in. Y'all singles that y'all need to be in in your life because one thing about humans, humans are not God. So a human don't know how to forgive and forget. Humans, we gonna remember everything and most humans not out of 10 gonna remind you of everything and keep bringing it up in your face. So anything you've done in your past, you take that to God and you let the person know, listen, I'm not asking you and judging you by your past. Don't ask me to be looking to judge me by my past but that's the only reason why we ask. That's the only reason why we ask. It's what I call the relationship resume. But you can't really just ask somebody, you got to find out what you can find out on your own. Monisha, God bless you now. Daria, God bless you now. Let me see if I miss something up here now. Folks in a blessing, I don't like the chosen ones, God bless you, I don't like to miss it because I don't want nobody sewing on background. I want to start a nonprofit for single mothers but I don't know how, what to name my LLC. Is this where I should start? Inside of every idea, inside of every business idea that you wanna do, one of the things that you have to afford in there is at least one to four sessions of business consulting. So I offer that on MyMentor.Life and then we have other business coaches and consultants on there at all different ranges. So go to MyMentor.Life and click hire a coach and you can select branding or business and a list of coaches will come up and you read the bio, see who you vibe with and do that first because when it's not your necessarily, your gift necessarily, then talk to somebody who they specialize in that to help you get going. Airs on go, God bless you, God bless you. My child's father is willing to eye on a hill. I was never your man to justify why he doesn't want to acknowledge baby. Will God get him for that? How can I finally move forward? I'm embarrassed slash stuck. Well, one of the things that we can't do is worry about what God gonna do to somebody else because when we do that, we block anything that God would do because God is not our hit man. So when we hoping in our heart that somebody get a lesson, instead of getting that lesson, they'll get blessings because they gonna have mercy on that because God don't want us to have enemies or that whole evil thoughts in our heart for somebody else. So you just have to release that and know that what's supposed to happen gonna happen. And if nothing happens to him, you can't worry about that either. What you have to live with and accept and accept is your own personal responsibility. We can never try to get someone else to accept responsibility for themselves. We have to accept responsibility for ourselves. As painful as that may be, we gotta be able to say, well, hey, I chose to get in that bed and to sleep with this person that I did not fully know, that I was not married to, that I did not fully have a real solid bond in relationship with. Obviously, if this is what this person is saying, that was a choice I made and I have to live. I have to live with that. So let me move forward with what I have to live with instead of worrying about them getting the lesson they need. And so personal responsibility is what really sets us free. You are always being bondage as long as you want somebody else to get what they deserve. Kingdom work, God bless you. Also, I believe strongly God showed me my kingdom spouse. We video chatted once, now two months, no contact, but he still watches my YouTube, listens to my podcast on Anchor and he is definitely of God. Check me out. Definitely of God. And God bless you on that. And one thing though about God, what you have to understand is a lot of times we have to also just think and be reminded of the attributes of God. So God not gonna show you something and not show him. So if that's your husband, then God gonna show him that he's your husband, that you're his wife. If God don't do that and he ghosted or he ain't talked to you in two months, then that could be indigestion talking to you. That could be desperation talking to you. That could be loneliness talking to you. And we attribute it to God, but God gonna do things decent and in order. So if God in the mix, he gonna give gifts and add no sorrow. And that's what we have to understand. So you always have to be reminded of the attributes of God before we attribute something to God. Key to God, bless you. Blessings to you and your family that's only, hey, God bless you, not God bless you. I don't even know what time it is. It ain't too late. It ain't too late. Time old grand, God bless you. Want female friends, but it's hard making male friends. It's easy. Want female friends, but it's hard. Making male friends is easy, but I want platonic relations. They want romantic. And that's a good lesson to learn about men. Good lesson to learn about men. Men don't really want platonic friendships with a woman. That's not really how, that's not how men are built. If, like they say, if you want friends, then be friendly. Just show yourself to be a friend. And be friendly without, you know, going overboard and doing the most. And the friends for you, you will attract them into your life. Carter 26, God bless you, both divorce. Both want marriage again. He is so good to me. He is about to retire from the military and contact me through email went away. I have two kids. He has five kids. Two from ex-wife and three from baby mama. Is it a red flag? He definitely, he definitely, he definitely get it in now. He definitely get it in. He, he, he, he, he, he really old, you know, he really a meat slanger. You know, he, he, wow, wow, West, like gun slangers. So, you know, is it a red flag? That's subjective. What it says to me, I personally as a man, you know, I don't trust a man with five kids from two different women, two and then three. And it didn't work out with either of them. And one woman carried three kids and he couldn't make it work with her. That kind of, as a man looking at that, that give me a little pause because I was an absolute dog. I was a complete womanizer and I have two kids from one woman. And when she got pregnant with the first one, I married her. So me knowing how, how nasty I was, if I was able to lock in and say, hey, at 23 years old, I'm gonna marry this woman who was pregnant with my child because I feel like she is my wife and she deserves a lifelong commitment because she's carrying my child. And this coming from the absolute toxic dog, it made me kinda wonder where the mindset is of a man who got five kids from two different women. And he had one child from a woman and they not married, I mean, they married. They couldn't make it work. They have another child, still can't get it together. Divorce her, go get another woman, have a child, still don't see her as being a wife, have another child, still don't feel like she worthy to be his wife, have another child, still don't feel like she worthy to be his wife. So it sounds like to me, he has a thing where he does to women what he doing to you. You saying he's so good to me. And it's like, if he's such a great guy, then how he done had five kids from two different women and it ain't worked out with any of these five tries. You know, so it's like, has he had an epiphany? Did he go to somebody's seminar? Did he get a mentor? Did he turn his life over to Jesus? Like, what has he changed that makes him this amazing man now? You see what I mean? Or is he just running his same old game and then you finna be his third baby mama and have his next one, two, three kids and then he be looking for another woman. You see what I mean? You gotta make sure you just not a hamster on his wheel. Great, God bless you. I am a woman with a unique look. So I get a lot of men always inboxing me. The only, they only want to sleep with me. How can I find someone that wants me? Well, you got to go through to get to. You know, you're gonna have to talk to them and see. But every man that approach any woman, he approaching her, cause he sees her as somebody he wanna sleep with. That's the first thing a man thinking about. Then he may look into personality and compatibility and chemistry and all of that. But that's gonna be hitting every man. No man just gonna come up and just be like, oh, I just really wanna just make love in your brain and just relish in your conversation and just really just hear all of your hopes and dreams. Like he coming, he won't something. And so it's just going through that process and dating. And just because a man try you, don't mean he's not your husband. Just because a man tries you does not mean he's not the one. That's just men. They gonna try something, you know? So it don't, just something you got to be able to say, no, I'm not on that. No, I'm not doing that. And then the man who sticks after you say, no, that's not where I'm trying to take this right now. That's the one you kind of take a little more serious if you're into him. Kingdom work, God bless you. Prayer slash fast, if he's not from God, but still on my heart, mind, feel like I'm going crazy. I know God doesn't play with our emotions, loss. And that's another sign that this ain't got nothing to do with God. This ain't got nothing to do with God. And you know, you probably need therapy. It sound like you need therapy just to work on the mental health, just to get that patience, get that peace. You don't work through that. And then, then go to coaching and start tapping into just the other aspects of life and just do that work on you. Just spend that time on you, just loving you, loving yourself. But God is not a God of anxiety. The Bible tell us be anxious for nothing. When God is in the midst, there is peace. There is liberty. Like, is that Kurt Franklin song? It's the love that's on there. Reality check, God bless you. Dating a guy eight months. I don't want relationship yet. No, as physical, he understands, but he's living with others until I'm ready. Only once he says, thoughts, should I be okay with this? Sis, you kind of, you playing yourself. You playing yourself. If you don't want a relationship, then you shouldn't be dating. Dating is not to be played with. You know, dating is for marriage. So you should only date when you have the intention of being in a relationship and being married. Otherwise, you playing with your life, you playing with your health, you playing with your heart and you setting yourself up for failure. The other thing that that says is that he is not the one for you because a relationship is spiritual. So when you meet the person that's for you, your wounds will be healed. Your heart will be made whole. You will feel safe and you will feel secure. So to be with a man for eight months and you don't feel safe and secure, that is a clear sign that that's not your husband. That's somebody else's husband holding you hostage. You holding yourself hostage. And so that right there is not the makeup of a healthy relationship. Bolu, God bless you, God bless you. I keep about to end this thing. I keep hitting wrong, but Rosanna, God bless you now. Tony been listening to you for a year and learned so much. I appreciate the wisdom you provided. Thank you and God bless you and your family. They the same to you. Thank you, I appreciate you now. Piper, God bless you. Can you look at my photo and tell me what I should work on? I know you have mentioned that you can look at a photo and tell a lot. God bless you Piper. On here, I can't really see y'all photos on here. They real small. And so a lot of times when I'm doing that, like on the Q and A, the photo bigger and I could see a person. And then also it's nobody else can see them when I'm on the Instagram Q and A, you know? We live in a society today of cancellation and it's so much stuff like that. So we talk about perception and things like that one-on-one in my coaching sessions but that would be inappropriate to do online in front of the whole world to where I'm giving you the perception from an outsider looking in because when it's other people watching everybody sees something different and that just kind of opens up a can of worms and then things get taken out of context and things of that nature. So and the other thing what I would tell y'all I do that unsolicited, you know? When I do that without the person asking me they asking me a question. Like for example, a young lady said I keep meeting guys and they just want to sleep with me. Well, she had on an outfit that looks like, you know it was kind of one of them outfits that like exotic dancers wear, you know? It was just very, very tight, very seductive. It just had everything out. And so what I was telling her if they meeting you dressed like that they're putting you in a box, you know? That's not an outfit Michelle Obama would wear. That's an outfit that such and such would wear. So if this exotic dancer would wear that outfit and not Michelle Obama he's not approaching you with the energy he would approach Michelle Obama or even Beyonce when she walking down the street or Angela Bassett or what's the later name who played on Viola Davis, you know? You have to, and this human male and female when we go out into the world we gotta realize that perception is reality. So you have to look at other people and how you perceive them. And then look at the way you perceive certain people and then you say, okay, I wanna be perceived like that. If you wanna be perceived the way you perceive these other people then you will look and see what they do. And if that's not against who you are like for example, I will look at certain speakers and they may be highly touted, highly regarded but they may only produce professional videos with a videographer and it got the captions, it got all the design, it got all the graphics, it got all that and they seen as a big deal. And I may look at that and say, well man I wanna be seen as a big deal. But then guess what? I don't want to, that's not my personality to be overproduced. That's not my personality to be dressed up and always on and always, you know, a production. My thing is just chill, flow, just being me. So guess what? I'm not gonna get the same speaking offers, the same monetary offers as this other person who is always polished, always got a custom thumbnail, always got an edited video and that's what we have to look at. So you got to look and say, okay if I wanna be treated like Michelle Obama or like Cherie Gaskins, you also have to look at well how do they dress? How do they carry themselves? If you perceive that it's something good. If you say I wanna be treated like this person over here, you kinda have to evaluate perception and understand, you know, perception. Latisha, yes, AskTonyGaskin.com is up. Yes, it's AskTonyGaskin.com. Just don't write in with a yahoo cause some people write in with a yahoo and it never come through. For some reason the site not all the way set up or something to where yahoo emails, it get blocked on the server. So write in with a Gmail, you know, create a Gmail. Some of them has come through but a lot of them get blocked instead of a Gmail. I think just cause that email address that it comes to is on the Gmail server. Evie God bless you. I'm interested in a man who serves as a leader to the young men group. My son isn't son to the young men group. My son isn't son. My son isn't son and he are great friends. Problem is I believe here but he is looking to marry, to live by God's standard. Listen to your intuition on that. Listen to your intuition on that because if as a woman you believe he is that, it's a very, very strong possibility that he is that because a lot of men who are that, women can't even tell it. And it's us men who can tell that he's that because I see a lot of women. I seen a woman, I ain't gonna get too much details but I seen a woman, you know these reels, how these reels and tit-tops and people put the music up under there and the music, it's this song that say and he's fine with me or he's safe with me or you save me or he good with me is these different songs that saying these things that a woman was on the reel and she was bragging about her man proposing, she bragging about her man, you know, proposing to her and off just a few movements that that man made, I was able to look and say, I was able to look at that man and see sister, that ain't what you think it is, sister. Sister, he's sister listen. Unfortunately, his family, Bible thumpers and they got him trapped in that closet. So that's why he get married to you. Sister, you should have kept that video. You shouldn't have put that online to get praised and clapped up because that man now sister listen. And so a man could see stuff in another man that a lot of women can't even see. So today it's a lot of women who married to a gay man. So if as a woman, you sense that and feel that on him, it's a good possibility that he very well could be. And now some men could just be just super feminine just because of how he was raised. First name, last name, besides a good style of dress, what other characteristics do you feel a queen possesses? On that is to each their own. You see what I mean? So it's not about trying to be a queen. It's about being the best version of you. And because what I describe as a queen, another man don't have that same description. And if my description of a queen, if a man like me is not meant to be your husband, then you will be trying to position yourself and get in line with a certain type of way instead of just being the best version of you. So a queen is the highest version of herself. That's what a queen. And however that looks, because some women gonna be loud and outgoing and some women gonna be quiet and very introvert, some women going to curse, some women not gonna curse. Some women gonna twerk and it's all funny games and some women not gonna twerk. So all of that could be a queen, but it could be based on preferences. So you see what I mean? And no human is everything that somebody wants. So look at who you are and who you wanna be and then become the best version of you. And you're a queen at that point because it's a man for you at the highest version of yourself. Bonnie and God bless you. And it's a man for you at the lowest version of yourself. That it just may not be what you want. Can a woman help a man work through his insecurities if they ever present themselves to be addressed or just flat out run from the relationship? A woman can help a man work through his insecurities but you have to see if it's worth it and you gotta see what the insecurities are. And you also got to know the man because sometimes what we call an insecurity. Like I say, I go get me a half spray from a barber but it's not a real insecurity. And so my wife knows that. So she laugh and joke about it. And anytime she see, like if she see Stephen A. Smith on the TV, she'd be like, babe, why you just don't do that? Why you just don't push it on back and just let it start right there? You know, she see another man who got one of those with a half, that half line start back there. She'd be like, babe, why you just don't let it start back there? You know? And I'm like, man, go on somewhere now. Now stop playing now. And then she just showed me, babe, why don't you just go bald like that guy? You know, and she be laughing when she's saying it because it's not a real insecurity because you know, my hair thin in a little bit but it ain't something that breaking me down. You see what I mean? So you also got to look at the insecurity. And sometimes people not really insecure, they just want words of affirmation. And so you got to be able to tell the difference. So you may say something as a human, like, man, I'm this or I'm that. And you want somebody to say, no, you're not. The opposite of that. And you just want to hear that but you ain't really, you know, down and out. Me and this guy were interested in each other. It was fireworks, but he recently married someone else. I deleted him from IG before wedding, but he still follows and reaches out to me sometimes bad. Yes, it is bad. You know, what it means is that it means she is his starter, like she the star, the star player and he want you to come off the bench. That's what that means. And so that is a bad thing because you could come off the bench and still tear your ACL and then be cut because you was on a non-guaranteed contract. So you have to, whereas the wife, she on a guaranteed contract. If he want to act a fool, he got the goal. He gonna have to pay alimony and spouse support. What have you. If you interact with him and dealing with him and then he go to selling you this dream like, oh, I made a mistake. You was the one I should have chose you. And you started dealing with him thinking that you gonna be the one and you end up pregnant. And then now he got to treat you like the plague. Now you up the creek without a paddle. And so when you see a man in a situation, if he chose to go be in that situation, let him sit in that situation. Don't give him no alleviation from that situation. That's what he chose. Let him be a man about that. Let him be a man about what he chose. If that's what he chose. And that's what women got to stop doing. Got to stop bailing men out so that we can sit in our choices, sit in our decisions that we have made as men. And we don't have a woman bailing us out but we get to really be real men and man up about what we got to do. Okay, share 23 months in the blessed tribe. Look at that, God bless you. And a moderator, change my number after being on and off with Guy. Still very much in love but trying to move on. If he's the one, will he come back even if blocked on everything? Well see, when you're on and off, that means he's not the one. Like a guy might be off one time but when it's repeatedly on and off and especially if it has spanned more than a year then he's not the one. He's not the one. And the reason why is because when a man meet a woman that's the one, he knows she's the one. And he's not gonna play with you because he knows if he sees your value he knows other men will see your value. So a man don't never play and waste time with the one. Man only waste time and play around with a woman he doesn't feel is the one. And he just want friends with benefits or what have you. Eve G, God bless you. What do you think of marrying who wants to live God's way? Um, sister. Now I try to treat every question equal. And I try to take every question serious. So you saying you wanna marry a gay man who wanna live for God. Eve, I really don't know what to tell you on that one. I really don't know what to tell you on that one either. I really don't know what to tell you. That's the first time in my life I pretty much done heard every question. That's the first time in my life hearing that question even. So I'm really at a loss for words because you understand because here's the thing I'm really at a loss for words. Because a lot of men who are in that lifestyle who are Christian, they believe that God okay with that lifestyle and that God love them in that lifestyle. But if you saying he in that lifestyle but he doesn't believe God is okay with that lifestyle. So that's why he wanna be with a woman. But truly that's not him. Then, you know, you're taking a big gamble because if that's him, he gonna revert to that in his moment of weakness. And then he gonna be taking that out of that man and coming in and certain that into you. And so that's just a whole lot of bacteria concocting. And it's just a, it's just a, and then that man that he dealing with you don't know if that man aggressor and that man might see you as a threat and wanna get you up out of here in different ways. Slicing your tire, keep slicing your tires, keep Jasmine Sullivan in you, busting your windows, cutting your tires because he feel like you messing with his man. So if a man like man, let him go by the business, you know? Let him, you don't have to be that man savior. Like it's too many men in the world to be with a man who like men. Like I'm not really, you know, I'm, you know, that's the prophetic God bless you. My ex was so rude to me recently, said he didn't care what I think and that we are not together. Why do men have to be so mean, rude and disrespectful when it didn't work out? Will he regret his words? I love and miss him. If it's any man watching this, this right here let y'all men know cause sometimes men wonder, Tony why you do what you do? You know, why you help the women and not the men. Well, I do help the men but why you help the women more than you help the men? I get that question from men but if men will just sit back and look at the stuff that women go through and the question that women ask, as men we don't have these questions. You know, we don't have hardly any of these questions as men. But for women, y'all really go through some stuff and y'all really be, cause to me on the receiving end of these questions I'm kinda like, wow. But since the reason why men are mean and rude and disrespectful when it didn't work out is because when it doesn't work out, we feel like a failure. And in order to make ourselves feel better about that failure, we have to make ourselves hate the thing that we feel made us fail. And so in order for a man to break the emotional bond, he has to make himself hate the woman that he has the bond with because hate could be as strong as love. And so what he's trying to do is replace love with hate. So if he can hate you, then he doesn't have to love you and be thinking about you and missing you and worrying about you because he tricks his mind to believe that he despises you. And so that's why men are rude and mean, you know, who do that. And just like what Tia said, you shouldn't miss someone who disrespects you but that also goes to show human nature. We miss people who disrespect us because the human mind is wired to self-sooth and to heal. Pain is a healing agent. So when we feel pain, the brain starts to heal. The brain starts to, you know, get in position to try to overcome that trauma, that feeling through by any means necessary. And so that's how we are capable of missing someone and still loving someone even though they hurt us. And we just have to understand that and you just gotta know right from wrong and you gotta know good from bad and you gotta make a conscious decision. Monisha God bless you. Why do men cheat and then lie to their spouse that she was crazy all the while they begged for it? Chasers. That's kind of, you know, like why is water wet? That's why it's water wet, you know? It's just one of those things. Some humans want their cake and eat it too. And what I mean by wanting the cake and eat it too because a lot of times we don't, this is what I mean by that. Meaning some people wanna have the cake and it look beautiful and they wanna eat it but still have the cake and you can't do both. Either you gonna keep the cake whole and looking beautiful or you gonna eat it and then the cake gonna be gone. Some people wanna have their cake and eat it too. And so a lot of people cheaters cause male and female cheat. So cheaters, they wanna have the stability of a partner but then they wanna have this other person who has the things that their partner does not have. So this person may have a lot of qualities and be husband or wife material. But this person over here may have some raunchiness, some nastiness, some freak nasty, you know? Just something else different that feels like a thrill. That feels like fun. So what humans wanna do is cheaters. What cheaters wanna do is have you over here to hold them down and then have her over here to get them high. And so uppers and downers, basically, what are you trying to do? And then when you catch him, he gotta try to flip the switch and do the Jedi mind trick on you to make you feel crazy, to make you feel insecure. It's kinda just like, you know, the prosecutor or the defendant trying to get the, twist the prosecutor up to get the offender off. You gotta make the prosecutor look stupid. Gotta make the prosecutor, you know, prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the offender did what is being said. And so if a man can create doubt in your mind about what you think he did, then you question yourself and now he cannot be guilty in the court of love. And so that's what we have to understand. Bolu, God bless you. This is inspired by the Holy Spirit life changing. Hey, God bless you. Let me see. Remember for 12 months, God bless you now. When a man says he's going through something slash having a bad day and doesn't want to talk about it, normal. It's not normal. And he does wanna talk about it. Meaning he don't want you to pass through him and it depends on the man. But typically if he say that much, that means he wanna talk about it. Because if he didn't wanna talk about it, he would have never said he's having a bad day. He would have just had like nothing going on and just been distant or not respond. But when he tells you the problem, he won't the problem to be addressed. But it's not manly. It's manly, but in society, it's not manly to be vulnerable and express that we having a bad day and to say, I need to talk about this or can we talk about this or can I talk to you about this? So he says, I'm having a bad day with the hopes that you're going to inquire within and ask him so what is going on. Talk to me about it, what happened and then he's gonna say nothing and then he want you to ask you again, what happened and he gonna say nothing and then on the third or fourth time, he gonna say, well, see this work, this will happen right here. And that's how he was very inconsistent then show change. I was still insecure, argumentative and possessive acted very crazy, what called 100 times. He walked away now trying to work on me. Is it done for good? You know, I can't tell the future, but it sounds like it should be done because you need to work on you. You know, if you act crazy and you call 100 times, you need a lot of therapy. You need a lot of therapy. You got a lot of trauma that you need a treatment plan for that you need to work through. And then you may need coaching. Therapy and coaching is different. And then you may, then you need a new man because see what you have to realize with humans is when you get with somebody and you start to speak a language with somebody, that's the language y'all learn. It's kind of like us, we in America, LaWanda God bless you, 14 months. We in America, right? If somebody come from another country and English is not their first language, English, they second or their third language. When they get in a heated situation with you, they're gonna revert to their first language because that's what they're fluent. And you're gonna get cursed out in their first language, not their second or their third. And so as humans, when we come together, love speaks languages, abuse speaks languages. And so the language that you learn with a person, it's very hard to unlearn those languages. So even if you go through therapy, when you get back in the trenches with him, the same language that you used to speak with him, calling a hundred times, can easily come right back because that's the language you learn to speak with him. And he has the trigger to those emotions and those actions. And although it could be changed, it will not be anywhere near easy. And so you got to realize that. Carrizzma God bless you, I have feelings for my boss. I try to send emails, but when I try to pull away, we have long drawn out meetings. I've basically been promoted. So there's a lot of contact, any advice. Well, for me, when I'm attracted to a woman, I just picture boo boo coming out. And that, that do it for me. I'm like, oh, are you staying? I'm like, eh, where are you staying? And so it's really just a mind. It's just a mind trick. Like you're not really attracted to your boss. You attracted to what your boss showed you. You don't know your boss. You know, your boss got stank gas, your boss, Bert and the Bert stank. And what you have to realize for every person's light, their darkness is equal or greater. So instead of just looking at a person, highlight real, you got to imagine their darkness. And so that's what you have to understand. Like for everybody that's bright in the light, he go through a deep darkness, you know? So it's just, you have to learn yourself what your mind need. And that's just what it is. Now, you know, I'm being jokingly serious with y'all, but Mama Tish God bless her 21 months. She been in the bless tribe. I ain't even know I hadn't had the bless tribe that long, my goodness. Luwanda, I said Luwanda, bless you. Oh, and Luwanda said I'm blessing her. Bless you that night. So you two to add a little feature that let y'all show how long y'all been in the group. Okay. We are on and off. We are on and off. When we are not together, he is trying to make things better. He says he hates fighting so much and is really trying. I'm very insecure and start arguments. How can I just be happy? You're gonna have to do the work. You're gonna have to do the work and you're gonna have to, and when I say do the work, what this means is if you're insecure and you start arguments, you're insecure for a reason. So when you're doing the work with a therapist or a coach, you're getting to the root of the reason. You're getting to the root cause of your insecurity. And so when you get to that root of your insecurity, now you're able to uproot this by getting an understanding and you're able to work through, okay, I'm insecure because my ex cheated on me. But my ex was this, this and this and this. And I missed this, this and this red flag. And I missed that because I was this, this and this and this. But this person is this. This is not that. And so I am prescribing this behavior to this but it's coming from that. And so when you get this understanding of where you're operating from and why you're operating from that place, then that's when you're able to now change your behavior. You're able to change your behavior and do something different. I mean, towel, God bless you now. How should I respond when a man asks how long have I been single? It's been a couple years, by the way. You could tell the truth. That's the question that you could tell the truth. Will you be judged? Yes. But with that is something that, bad if you do, bad if you don't. If you say two months, or you fresh out, you still hurt, you still lost, you still, you still onto, you know, you still into him. If you say two years, oh, are you desperate, are you lonely, why, why you ain't had nobody. 10 years, oh my goodness, are you crazy? Like, you could be judged regardless of what you say. So it's best to just be honest on that and let that speak for itself. And then it may say, well, how long has it been? Or why was it so long? And then you're able to explain, I just have not met anyone that I see, that I mesh with that we have the same type of standard. So I can't, I can't force something if it ain't there. What do you think of men that go from being a father to ignoring the child and the ex when she decided to end things? It just shows you, you know, that he's immature and that for him being a father to his child was more about being in the woman business and having control and being in her life and kind of keeping her stuck. And it wasn't about a love to love for the child. That's, that's all that is, you know? And once you realize that you able to do something with it. Amber Washington, remember for 18 months, God bless you there. Any advice on dating pro athletes and communication? Um, I mean, a pro athlete is still just a man. You know, he's still just a man. And so yes, they may have a little more temptation. And it's a little, it's a little more, it's a lot more women after them. But at the end of the day, he still wants something real. You know, I've mentored nearly 500 pro athletes in my life coaching career. And at the end of the day, they still looking for love. The one of the things with a lot of pro athletes, they kind of, a lot of them are socially awkward in the sense of when you live on a bus, traveling the games from the time of eight, age of eight, and you doing so much sports, you really don't have time for a girlfriend to where when they get to a pro, they have more time than they've ever had because you got less time in high school and college because you got school and then you got sports. When you become a pro, you just got sports. That sport may be two hours to four hours a day. And you got the rest of the day. And so that idle mind double workshop. And that's when guys start trying to live out their fantasies and because a lot of guys have only been with a few women, a lot of pro athletes have only been with a few women because they've been so busy with that sport to get to that place. So a lot of them turn to women who are for pay to hone their skills and learn the body and in like a no judgment zone. And so they turn to women in the industry who accept money for the bed. Feeling like they won't be judged and they could do whatever they wanna do and they get to learn. So that social awkwardness is really what prevents a lot of pro athletes from having a productive relationship if they didn't have a quote unquote normal upbringing because they was just so into that sport. And so a lot of them go, you know, but wow for a little while, but then they come to their senses and want something a little real and communication is just is what it is. Meaning you got to be real, you got to be direct, you got to be consistent, all of that. I'm watching the game. Some of them mentee playing right now on ESPN. So I'll keep looking over there. Jasmine, God bless you. A man I was dating chose his ex two different times over me and keeps coming back to me. What should I tell him if he really wants to be with me? Well Jasmine, that's kind of your answer right there. He don't wanna be with you. He don't wanna be with you at all. It's hard to say, it's hard to hear but you got to understand that. He don't want you. And understand that tonight so you could cut him off completely and go on about your business. So what you are, you the safe house and she the field. So it's kind of like the CIA, the CIA, they go out and they work in the field. And they working in the field, they doing their mission and then when they're in that city, whatever city they in, it's a safe house. They get to that safe house. It's in the middle of nowhere, nobody know the address unlisted. They get there and that's where they stay. That's what you are. So he coming to you for the break. He coming to you for the vacation. He coming to you when he done got on her nerves. She didn't kick his butt to the curb or she got on his nerves and he didn't kick her to the curb. He come to you just to charge up, just to reset, test his game, see what he could get from you, use you, and then he go back to her. And it's a sucky place to be in your place and her place. And a lot of women in one of the other. That's the sad state of the world. Venus God bless you. My guy and I ended things today after five years. Today, wow. We became exclusive two years ago. Since then, he said he had issue because I was still dating until it changed and now he couldn't trust me. Was it right that I decided to end it? Okay, you ended it. Yeah, that was right. Because y'all not meant to be. When you've been with somebody five years and it take y'all three years to get exclusive, y'all ain't meant to be. Y'all ain't meant to be. Y'all ain't meant to be. And you keep dating and you was dating, you know, until it changed, y'all ain't meant to be. Cause a woman won't love. A woman is wired for love. A woman made for love on average. So when you the one messing, you know dating round or whatever. And then when a man tell you he can't trust you, it's a wrap. If there is no trust, there is no relationship. If there is no trust, there is no relationship. Jayhawk or God bless you. My ex messaged me after three years of being broken up to ask me if while we were together, if I had and he never reached out to me before. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe somebody told him that or maybe he had a dream of that. Maybe he heard about that. I mean, the question is, is it, you know, if you did and you told somebody, then maybe that's why it got back to him. If you didn't, then it probably was just a dream he had or find out another woman did it or was listening to some music or watching something. And somebody said that happening. He just, not his mind won't let him rest. Can a man act distant and get short in communication when his money is funny and his basics are out of order? Absolutely, absolutely. That's every man. Every man with a man money, money, everything off. Everything off. Ain't nothing right with a man when that money is funny. When a man money funny and he could still be normal. He could still be chill. He could still live life like ain't nothing different. That's a real man. That's a different type of man. He emotionally intelligent. He the face of the word, he emotionally intelligent, but for most of us when our money funny, we go to acting different to get snappy and rude and condescending, all kind of stuff. Also went out with a guy a week after breakup. Feel like I'm moving too fast, but he seems like a good guy. Should I even date if heart is in another place? No, you shouldn't date. My daughter has a habit of opening door for her dad. We are not together, but when he gets in the house, he will grab me inappropriately. How to set boundaries with him when we have, yeah. Well, first you got to talk. You got to teach your daughter to stop me opening the door. That's the first thing. So you got to teach her that and she could learn that. Girls are very, very smart. So she could learn that. And then after that, I'm not sure what to tell you because I don't know him. And I don't know if he crazy because, you know, so that's something you gonna have to, you know, talk to somebody that is kind of like a life coach to you but knows him too. So they can kind of help you because I don't want to say something and then you try to, you know, jump bad or tell him, hey, do not touch me like that. And next thing you know, we in black at the funeral. So I just, you know, but if it's not like that, if he ain't like that, then you, if you tell him one good firm strong time, then he should respect that. Janiy God bless you. Neen Kato, remember for 21 months. Awesome. This is a really great session on the topics. I must say a lot of these questions is a lot better than I normally get. Like y'all actually thinking through these things, marriage inconsistent, now separated until he gets it together. Don't want to divorce, but should I leave completely? I filed for a divorce, learned a lot, won't make the same choices again, freeing. On marriage, it's definitely something you need coaching on. We never want to make a decision on marriage on a Q and A like this. I don't even like speaking on marriage unless it's just a clear cut, absolute worst thing in the world you got to go. I really don't speak on marriage on divorce because marriage is a covenant for life and marriage is a lifelong commitment and marriage is not going to be easy. Relationships are not easy. So a lot of times it just takes some work with a seasoned professional who can really help you and just making one or two changes can change everything. So I'm all for making relationships work. That's why my book is titled Make It Work because I want to see it work, not just walking away. So my thing is if you're able to talk to me one-on-one in-depth about the whole situation before getting a divorce, then do that. And I make two sessions, two hours a week available on the website, MyMentor.Life. Caramel kisses, can you put that in the chat, MyMentor.Life, it's not .com, it's .life, MyMentor.Life. Charisma, God bless you. Okay, back to the boss. I may be attracted to his persona, but he definitely eggs things on, the long, deep stares and then he lied to me and told me I couldn't bring a friend to the company party. What game is he playing? It just work, wife. That's all it is. It just work, wife. So in Thinking Grow Rich, the book, Thinking Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, in there he talk about sex transmutation. And in there it discusses how men use sexual energy in the workplace to fuel creativity and growth in their company. So being that sexual energy is so strong, it's so strong, it's so dominant. When that energy is channeled into other things, those other things can flourish. And so what a lot of men in the workplace want to do is, now the book ain't about that, it's just one little section on sex transmutation, but it's about using your mind to get rich. And I just kind of, I listened to the audio book just because everybody kept saying the name. And so what happened is a lot of men would use a woman in the workplace to make their work easier, to make their work funner, to get them juices flowing, because it's a state of the mind where it's kind of like foreplay in the sense of love making is not what you do in the bed. That's communication. What you do in the bed is the physical expression of it, but love making is communication and quality time. And that's what we call making love to the mind. So when the man is feeling that feeling of arousal, but yet he's not having a release, he didn't able to channel that zeal, that urge and all of that into his work. And so he just using you as a workwife, but don't have to worry about splitting bills, talking about finances, raising kids, figuring out the soccer schedule. He just get the good things of marriage, which is the conversation, the deep stares, the quality time. So you just, you know, a work, work wife, or at least you should say, since he married his secretary, does that make it a bad thing? Or are today's dynamics different? I'm not sure if the author of the book or something else. Why do us women have work husbands? That's a good question for y'all. Jay, God bless you. Hi, Tony. He's 37. I'm a 27. We have not spoken in a week. Is me reaching out okay and sending the right message? He still watches my social media. No, no, no, you shouldn't reach out. A man should always initiate contact and be consistent with that contact. Alicia, it's less about him and just more about the act, you know? A lot of times when we get information, we get too caught up in the messenger and it's like what people always ask me, Tony, you and your wife didn't wait till marriage. Why do you tell other people to wait till marriage? And it's like because I made a mistake. So I'm not gonna tell you to do the same thing that I did when it may not turn out for you the way it turned out for me. So I'm not gonna give you bad advice because I did something bad, you know? So the fact of sex transmutation being a real thing, it's a real thing regardless if he married his secretary or not, you know? I mean, Lilith just cooked that boy. Put him in a blender, sauce them up, then customize while he was into the other end. My boyfriend and I are in a good place. I see the change, but he recently told me about a one night stand he had while intoxicated. Should I forgive him and move past it? Yeah, I mean, if it don't have nothing to do with you, what it means is he trying to go deeper in your relationship. He kinda starting to blur the lines of, you know, girlfriend and best friend. It's something that he would tell his homeboy what the fact that he telling you. It's also sometimes that something sadistic that a man that some men do to see how you react, to see if you truly confident, to see if you get jealous, to see if you get upset, to see if that changes you, to see if it makes you feel insecure and inadequate and makes you compete with this imaginary woman in your mind for his love and his attention. And so on the negative side, it could be that on the positive side, what I have found in talking to some of my male mentees is that men are engaging in this act of over sharing with women. And I think that's from men having a lack of mental health help like life coaches or counselors. And so men are using their woman as their therapist. And engaging in over sharing. And then the woman being a human then uses that against the man and holds that against the man. And so when a man tells you something that he didn't have to tell you and it really has nothing to do with you, that's actually a good thing because he's trying to strengthen the bond between y'all. He's trying to get closer to you. Now, if you become insecure and jealous and all of this other stuff, then he can weaponize that and use this as a tactic to control you because now he knows that he has control over your emotions. So my wife, she shares clips with me from like reels and stuff like that. But the reels may be, it may be a pretty woman or it may be a woman who's really physically fit. She shares that in essence saying, I'm not insecure and I'm not, this is funny. I want you to see this so we can laugh about it. Now, if I see that and I go to her and be like, that woman's body, then I would have ruined that safe space that she was trying to create by looking at this woman or commenting on this woman's body. And I do the same thing. I may share, show something to her and it may be a post or it may be a workout and it may be a guy who he built in a way that I was built when I was 21, but I'm not gonna be built like that again. And that's also me letting her know that I'm not insecure and I'm not jealous. And although this dude doing this dope workout and he's super fit with a 14 pack of albs, we finna do this workout. And if she look at him and say, that's a nice body, okay. I'm coming home with him. You see what I mean? And so sometimes in relationships, male and female, we go into this space of oversharing or trying to strengthen a closer friendship. And that's when people in securities could get in the way and ruin that growth and development. Candace Williams and God bless you. I recently found an extra phone that my husband kept for another woman also married and their messages about wishing they had married along with escort sites open. He wants to try counseling again. Is it a wrap though? Well, I'll tell you this. Y'all might need to come talk to me. And the reason why I say that is because it's a difference between a counselor and a relationship coach. A counselor could be a jack of all trades and a master of nothing. And so while a counselor can be productive for general situations or situations that can fit inside of the questions that the counselor may ask, if the counselor doesn't have a God giving wisdom or a knowledge and understanding of the male mindset, the male psyche and what your husband could be trying to pull, then the counseling will be to no effect. And a lot of offenders, male and female, know when they can use counseling to fake work to fake like they're working. And offenders also know when somebody gonna be able to see they bull and call them on their crap. And they'll steer clear of that. And they wanna go into a space that it looked like work. It feel like work, but it ain't really the work. And so when you, if you see somebody out there that's like myself and you know that there's a different level of understanding around love and relationships and that person has availability for you to connect on a one-on-one, then that's what you need to do. And you also need to do sessions for you because not every game plan need to be shared with the other person because sometimes people can hear stuff and use that against you. So you also need an engagement plan for you. Monisha, God bless you. I have healed from soul time. A separated man reached out to date. I refused. I told him I'm not available until he is. Call me when he's done. God bless you. Did it right there. Jenny. Maligan, I miss some of these. My ex cheated on me and got the other woman pregnant. He returned apologizing after no contact asking me for marriage. Should I give him a chance? Now, now, now you asking me this and what I'm telling you, me personally being a man, knowing men and knowing how men do, I personally, hold on, I'm trying to make sure I ain't missing nothing. Okay, I think those are the only two I miss. I personally, if I was talking to my daughter or my sister, I would never in a million years tell them to give a man another chance who cheated on them and got a woman pregnant. Cheating in itself is bad. Cheating in itself is bad. But to cheat on you and get another woman pregnant, that's a whole nother level of recklessness. Because when he cheated on you, he not only cheated on you emotionally, but he cheated on you physically. He cheated on you deliberately. Then he risked his life cheating on you, meaning she could have had a disease that will kill you. Then he also risked your life because he could have caught something from her and then brought it back to you. And then, no matter how lucky we wanna get, some people, but this is not common, some people sleep together one time and conceive, but that's not common. Because as a man I know and many other men know and many women know that you could sleep with somebody unprotected and get released into for years and not get pregnant, for months and not get pregnant. So when I see that a man has got a woman pregnant, in my mind, he would knock in boots often, regularly, several different ways, several different audits right here, he had a lot going on. And then she conceived. And then he realized we have freedom of choice, but we don't have freedom of consequences. So he made a choice that comes with consequences. He wanted the choice, he wanted the pleasure, but didn't realize pleasure don't lead to happiness, pleasure lead to pain. So he made the choice, but now he don't wanna live with the consequences. Now he wanna come back to you, because he feel comfortable with you, he feel safe with you. And then she, now he wanna treat her like a flame. He wanna treat her like she don't matter. And see, that's where he nasty at. That's where he nasty at. Guy says, not into labels, but ask to be boyfriend slash girlfriend over the phone after one date, too soon, red flag. Is it ever too soon to talk marriage and exclusivity? We're friends, hung out before dating. We're friends slash hung out before dating. We'll see this thing. You say after one date, but if y'all were friends and already hung out, those were dates too. You just saying column dates, but those were dates too. So after one date, that's just an official date in your mind. That's the problem with all the terms and officiality. So now that was an official date in your mind, but if y'all were friends and hung out, those all were dates, because men are not friends with women. You was his friend. What he doing now, that was his plan from day one. Men are not friends with women. Men waiting on an opportunity. Now, yes, there are exceptions to that rule, but I'm speaking generalities on purpose because the exceptions are so few and far between. Men ain't your friend. Men waiting on to get them something. And even if he not attracted to you, he still would get them something if you willing to give it because it's more than one thing you could do. And so a man knows, because the first thing a man is is a visual creature. The first component of a relationship is attraction. So when he looks at you and he sees you and he see that he attracted to you, that in itself tell him if you his wife or not. Then the only way for his mind to be changed is if your personality and your characteristics, your habits upends that and changes that. But if the rest of you is decent and he's attracted to you already, then he can see that you're his wife from day one. And so it's not a red flag when a man is moving quickly, unless he just broke up with somebody and he wanna make her jealous, or he needs you for something other than love. So if he need a place to stay, if he need a car, if he need some money, if he need a green car, citizenship, if he needs you for something other than love and he moving extremely fast, that's when it's a red flag. If that ain't the case, then that's something else, then it could be real. Can a man with three baby mamas transition into a husband? Anything is possible. Yes, yes he can. I know men with three baby mamas who transition into a husband. Some men raise so cold, they don't know how to be warm. So just the fact that a man has multiple baby mamas does not mean he's a bad guy. It could simply mean he just was not educated, he didn't have an active father in his life or active mother in his life. He was not taught about love, he was not taught about relationships and he just was living willy-nilly. And so it's not a direct correlation to multiple baby mamas gotta be a bad guy. Sometimes just a lack of knowledge, just not knowing better and not caring better. I have been trying to mentor my younger cousin on everything I've learned from you, others in life. Which one of your videos do you recommend as a starting point? She argues against my points slash non-believer. You can't help somebody who don't wanna be helped but you can just keep speaking truth. And sometimes people argue against your points trying to convince themselves of their own ignorance, of their own stupidity, but deep down, they know what you're saying is true. So, you know, and also just like in Hollywood, Hollywood doesn't accept unsolicited material. That's how humans are too. So she may receive it better from you than me. So, you know, I say that to say, instead of pushing me on her, my video on to her, keep doing what you're doing. And eventually she gonna hit rock bottom. And when you hit rock bottom, rock bottom has a way of popping your eardrums and having your ears wide open. When you hit rock bottom. But when you flying high, your ears are stuffed. They full of air. You can't hear nothing. But when you hit rock bottom, you're ready to listen. So sometimes it's just about timing. Tony was so right about image. Guy friend of our group was just exposed for sleeping with four, five girls in our friend group. No one saw it coming. Ask anyone and their impression of him is honest and respectful. Interested. I've been trying to mentor as I seen that one. Well, guess what? We didn't come to the end. It ain't no, I know I miss a lot, but they ain't still coming on in like that. And let me see, I scrolled a little bit. Not answer the last few. So, hey, God bless y'all. I got to be up in the morning. I'm on the road, light coaching with a sports team. While I work with these, you know, work with these young men on their life off the basketball court. Try to help them develop as men. And who we, who to hurt? I've been sitting this whole time. Hey, God bless y'all. I'm gonna try to say this here. The last one got deleted. So forgive me for that. I'll try to save them and make sure I don't, you know, delete them when I'm closing out or changing up the videos. But God bless you. And we'll talk soon. I'm not, tomorrow night, me and my wife going to Rolling Stones concert. We don't know nothing about no Rolling Stones, but it's at our arena where we have a suite. So I just like to go to the suite and sit in there and just see what's going on. Just in case one day, I'm gonna fill up a arena. I want to see the production value. So we're gonna be in there critiquing they set and all that. Okay. Man, a little of time to wrap by myself. Hey, God bless you and we'll talk soon.