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Nick Brummer Stand Up Comedy Routine

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Published on May 21, 2012

My name is Nick Brummer and this is a standup comedy routine I did for a college class in May 2012. All of the jokes, music, and lyrics are original and written by me. The complete lyrics to the song portion are below. The video quality is bad but the audio is actually pretty good. Let me know what you think!

As a kid I went to Catholic school
Teachers made me feel like a fool
For discipline they used a meter stick
And all those priests just wanted to touch my... soul

But now that part of my life is done
Other days have come and gone
In this audience I will confide
I hope it leaves you smiling and satisfied... That's what she said

These are the things I've seen, these are the things I've heard
Take them as they are, though I sound absurd
If you don't like what I'm saying you can go ahead and sue me
Cause I'm just trying to do my comedic duty... hehe duty

What's the deal with gingers and vampires?
A steak through the heart'd kill'em both in time
They're pale, soulless, and suck out all your fun
And ironically they both burn in the sun

Difference between Ray, Stevie Wonder, and I
I can see and both of them were blind
And they play piano but that figures
After all we're talking about two classy... jazz musicians

Awkard silence

These are the things I've seen, these are the things I've heard
Take them as they are, though I sound absurd
If you don't like what I'm saying you can go ahead and sue me
Cause I'm just trying to do my comedic duty

Love in this world is not easy to find
Most likely because they say it is blind
Seriously people, a blind person wandering alone
That's almost as bad as a Helen Keller joke

Cause she's blind AND deaf... ZING!

When life hands you lemons make lemonade
When life hands you purple make kool-aid
When life hands you herpes, gonorrhea, or AIDS
Seriously don't make anything that anybody could potentially drink

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