 J-E-L-F-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris and his orchestra. The orchestra opens the program with Alabama Barbecue from the 27th edition of the Cotton Club Parade. November, month of football games and holler and appetites to match. This is the time when you want your meals to end on a note of joyful satisfaction. So this is the time to serve Jell-O. You can't fail to appreciate it from the first moment you spy Jell-O's warm, glowing beauty to the very last delicious spoonful. No other gelatin dessert can equal Jell-O's extra-rich fruit taste. Jell-O is first in favor because it's first in flavor. And Jell-O flavors come from fresh ripe fruit. So always be sure you get the real thing. Always insist on genuine Jell-O. Gentlemen, we bring you that leftover ghost from Halloween, Jack Benny. Hello again. Are you scared, folks? Well, Don, you look all in today. I'll bet you have the time of your life last night running around scaring people. I imagine you're a little rascal on Halloween. Well, Jack, I did ring some doorbells wrapped on a few windows. Gee, a couple of times I had to run like the dickens. Yeah? I knew you were up to no good. But tell me, Don, did you, uh, did you push over things? Why, uh, no, Jack, not in years. That's right, times have changed, haven't they, Don? But that's what I like about you, Don. You're still a kid at heart. Uh, yes, sir. Well, what did you do for excitement last night? Oh, I had a lot of fun. I took my violin and every time I came to an open window I played Love and Bloom. You did? Yeah. Gee, a couple of times I had to run like the dickens. Then after that I went to a masquerade party at Phil Harris's house. You know, one of those parties where everybody comes in different disguises. Well, how did you dress, Jack? Oh, I didn't bother much. I just stuck 40 candles on my head and went as a birthday cake. Buddy, I didn't see you there, Don. Why, I was there, Jack. You were? Sure, I sat on a plate all evening with a lot of sliced bananas around me. Oh, you were that dish of jello. Oh, certainly. Hello, Jack. Hello. Say, didn't you recognize me at the party? No, Mary, I didn't know you were there. How were you disguised? Well, I had on a big red hat with a long yellow feather, hand-buttoned shoes, then I had a brown fur piece around my neck, a parasol on one hand and a bookcase on the other. Well, Mary, what were you supposed to be? A rummage sale. Say, Jack, you certainly looked funny with old candles on your head last night. Were you there, too, Kenny? I didn't see you. Sure, I was there. I got the first prize. Oh, no kidding. What was it? They let him wash the dishes. Well, congratulations, Kenny. Say, Jack, not changing the subject, but, uh, well, come here a minute, will you? Well, what is it? Have you ever voted? Voted? Oh, sure, Kenny. Why? Well, look, I'm going to vote next Tuesday for the first time and there's only one thing that kind of bothers me. Well, what is it, Kenny? I'll be glad to help you out, you know. I don't know where I'm supposed to go and everything, but, well... But... But why? What's bothering you? Well, when you get in that booth and you pull a curtain around you, do you have to take a shower? Oh, Kenny. You're slightly formal, huh? Gee, that guy doesn't know enough to come in out of the rain. He does, too. Don't be too sure. I won't. Say, Mary, who are you going to vote for, incidentally? Oh, I don't know. I like Gary Cooper. Gary Cooper? Well, he isn't running for president. I don't care. I like him anyway. Well, Jack, by the way, what have you decided to do tonight? Is it going to be the minstrel show or Romeo and Juliet? Well, the minstrel show, of course. I told you all about it last week and it's kind of long, too, Don. I think we ought to get things started. Okay. Look, Mary, Mary straighten things out and put the chairs in a semi-circle, you know. I don't know how. Well, put them in a circle and then take half away. Oh. And you, Don, Don, get all those jokes out of the mothballs and pass out the burned cork. Kenny, you know you're going to be an end man. Are you ready for the minstrel show? Am I? I haven't washed my face all week. He didn't wash his neck either. Quiet, huh? Phil, play something until we get set, will ya? Righto. Now, look, Mary, pass out the tambourines and let's get into the spirit of this. And, Don, be sure and put your wig on straight and then... Mary meets a gentleman down south introduced by Phil Harris and his orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we present for your entertainment Doc Benny's world-renowned minstrel. The scene opens on the main street of that thriving metropolis, Sponge Cake, Missouri. Time July 1st, 1906. Take it away, boy. Ladies are coming. Mrs. Thistlepuss, keep your little boy on the sidewalk. Come here, Elmer. Stay right home to your mother. Doc Benny's minstrel's back in your hometown. Glad to see so many bright and smiling faces here to greet us. Howdy, Doc. Howdy, Constable. Well, the old town looks mighty good. I noticed you got some new salesmen sitting on the porch of the mansion house. They knew we just dusted them off. Yes, ma'am, and singing sweeter than ever. How about Don Wilson? He's with us and jellier than ever. I mean jollyer than ever. Where's Mary Livingston? Not in your business. No, sir. Johnny's with the Fred Astaire minstrels this year and doing right well. Got a new end man this season. None other than Phil Shuffle Along Harris. Go follow the parade, folks, to Simpson's Opry House. Remember, the show starts promptly at 2.30. Thank you. And a popcorn and crack-a-jack. A prize in every package. Jell-O, folks, get your jell-O here. None genuine. We'll have to think grant letters on the box. Right. Uh, seats 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, and 12. Right this way, Mrs. Dionne. You can't bring your horse in here. Well, I got a ticket for him. All right. Seat 1, install 2. Yee! Corn crack-a-jack. Pay oats and water. Uh, tickets, please. Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please, for a few moments before the show begins. Now I have here a selection of the latest song hits of the day. Toons are all a whistlet. In the shade of the old apple tree, they make sweet cider on a bicycle built for two. Only a burden of built gilded cage down by the old mill screen and eyes a mugger. Thank you. Here you are, sir. All the latest songs, folks, takes me out to the ball game, wait till the sun shines nilly, and they're hanging father at sunrise. That's the new swing tune. In a while they're hot, folks. Have you got sweets, Phil? Hatter, but you got away. Any other song, folks? Last chance before the curtain goes up. Averture, old... Ben and Lagertha, how are you feeling this evening? Well, sir, in the words of the poet, I sensulate. Well, that's good. And you, Mr. Baker? I'm feeling fine, Mr. Betty. Most insignificant. That's something. And how are you feeling, Miss Livingston? Yee-hoo! I'm glad to hear it. Oh, Mr. Betty? Yes, Mr. Wilson? Why don't you ask me how mama feeling? Be patient, brother Wilson. I was coming to you. Well, when you get here, I wish to convey that I'm feeling mentally and physically superfluous. Well, what makes you so happy, Mr. Wilson? I got a right to be. I got a wife and a cigarette lighter, and they's both working. No, no, we're right ahead, Miss Livingston. Well, what's the difference between you and a jackass? See, we don't need an answer to that. I don't know. What is the difference? A jackass wears a collar. Well, so do I wear a collar. Well, then I guess there's no difference. Can you tell me the difference between a pretty girl and a jackass? No, Mr. Baker, I can't. Man, you sure must make some funny dates. I don't get personal, Mr. Baker. I don't get personal. They must then lock you. As long as everybody's asking riddles, I got one that will mangle you. All right, Mr. Harris, let's hear it. Why does I call my gal special delivery stand? I don't know why do you call your girl special delivery stand? Because she am stuck on something important. He's talking about me. Why, Miss Livingston, I didn't know that you and Mr. Harris were strolling in the garden of romance. Man, we not only strolls there, we hesitate. Why, you don't tell me. Yes, sir. And you know what Mr. Harris told me last night? But your lips, gal, I'm blushing. Last night, he told me I was the eighth wonder of the world. And what did you tell him? I told him I better not catch him without a seven. And now, ladies and gentlemen, our silver-voiced tenor, Kenneth Sweetstop Baker, who favor us with a song and dance, his rendition of that ever-popular ballad, hence you hear me callin' Caroline. A boy gives his call, Carrie said, when the evening shadows fall, a gal of mine wished that I could kiss you under fine carol. Good, Mr. Baker, excellent. Thank you, sir. Yes, sir, that was rendered with feeling, sweetness, and tenderness. I didn't like it. Why, Mr. Harris, I noticed that you and Mr. Baker have been quarreling quite a bit of late. What have you got against him? Nothing except his dishonest, disloyal, and uncouth. That's all. Oh, come now. My dad's a fine way to talk after I'm fine. It's over my house for dinner. Who cares? Don't you remember that nice, fat chicken I served you? Remember, man, I recognize you. Hi, Mr. Harris, that's a bold allegation. You mean to tell me... You mean to tell me that Mr. Baker has been stealing your chickens? Not only that, he's been taking them home and executing them. Well, I am surprised. Why, Mr. Baker, don't you know the good book says I shall not steal? Yeah. And don't the good book say I shall not cover thy neighbor's chickens? Yes, we do. But does I shall not cover thy neighbor's chickens? I didn't cover them. I just took them out the way it was. He admitted, Mr. Harris. Yes, I am. The next time I catch him around my henhouse, I'm going to settle one question that folks have been discussing for a long time. What's that? Candidate beef. Control yourselves, Mr. Harris. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to fill him so full of buckshot that the next time he takes a bath, he'll sink right to the bottom. Who's going to take a bath? If I ever catch you leaning over a river, you is boys, boys! I'm going to run you so fast your vest pocket's going to dip, Sam. Any time you do, I'm going to knock that bump right off your head. I ain't got no bump on my head. Well, I'm going to put one there and then knock it off. Gentlemen, gentlemen. Listen here, Mr. Baker. You lay a hand on my boyfriend and 12 months from today, you'll be dead just one year. I miss living stuff. Don't you worry none, honey. I'll knock that tennis thing as so low he'll sing babe. Miss, madam. Watch out, boy. Watch out, boy, because one, two, three, I'll be on top of you. Oh, five, six, and you'll be right off again. Boys, please. You keep this up, and I'm going to walk over there and punch you right smack in the mouth. Who is? Miss. How are you going to get back? Mr. Baker, please. Remember what the good book says, love thy neighbor. I don't live next door to that musk mouth. Is that what the good book says, Mr. Benny? Yes, Mr. Wilson. Well, you know what the good book says? What? Next to pork chops, jello and the most delicious dessert in the world, and it comes in six scrumptious flavors. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Am I right, Fred? Hallelujah. And now, ladies and gentlemen, yours truly, John Benny, will render that touching little ballad entitled, A Sleep in the Deep, assisted by the Mississippi Four. Music professor. Say, Lord be well, Lord be well. Every minstrel show has an aphrodisiac. And ours will be no exception. Tonight we are going to offer... Mary, come here a minute. Remember last Sunday our sponsor told us we couldn't do Romeo and Juliet? Yes. Well, I know a way we can do it tonight in disguise so he'll never suspect. How? Leave it to me. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we are going to present our version of the greatest love story of all time. Entitled, Boy Meet Girl on a Balcony. We now take you to the Balcony of the home of Juliet Johnson in Chattanooga, Italy. Person, music. Me and Julie were sweetheart. And oh, how that Rome we could love, catch on hope. Hey, Julie, Julie. Who's that calling me? Oh, Julie. That you, Romeo? It ain't Hamlet. See you down there. Romeo, Romeo, wherefore is you, Romeo? Yeah, I is there, right below yarn balcony. Well, get thee on that ladder, son, and come right up here. Forth suit, honey. I'll be there forth suit. Here I come. I'll be right there, sugar. Just a minute there, Rummy. Get thee down from that ladder. Hush up, son. I'm ascending to my lady friend Juliet. Move over, locals. This is the express coming through. Now, wait a minute, son. If you want to get up there, you'll build your own ladder. I ain't no carpenter. I'm a lover. Who is you, anyway? Did you ever hear of Anthony and Cleopatra? Yes, sir. Well, when you subtract Cleopatra, what you've got left is me. Man, you're in the wrong place. Get off that ladder. Don't mess around with me, Romeo. Remember, flowers don't care who they lay on. I understand past friends. Gazoos. Hey, Romeo. Romeo, you coming up here or is you ain't? Be patient, woman. Keep thy cloak on. Here it comes. Slow but sure. That's me. Hey, you get off that ladder. That's my gal. Your gal? Yes, sir. You just tell Julie that Mack is here, huh? Mack who? Mack best. Well, I'm Romeo. I'm going up that ladder. To climb or not to climb? Daddy's the question. You see this here, razor? Yeah, sir. Well, dad am the answer. I'll better hide thee away, ma'am. I'm going to take my razor and shave you double clothes. You do, and you're going to play love and bloom on a harp. You mean that? Yes, sir. Well, past friends. E. Gaz. Romeo, Romeo, what is attaining thou? I'm caught in traffic, honey. This ain't no ladder. This is my highway. Well, here comes, Julie. Yes, sir. I'll be right up there with you, honey. Pardon me, brother, but you stand directly in my path. Who is you? Arthello. Arthello who? Arthello Jello. You is the merchant of that. See ya. Now, wait a minute, son. This is going far enough. This parade is going to come to a halt. Brother, I'm warning you. I'm just going to ask you once more to let me pass. And if you say no, the next man you talk to is going to be St. Peter. Does you know St. Peter personally? No, but I'll send him a lot of business. Well, if that's the case, past friends. Don't go on it. What is this, anyway? Hey, Julie. What's with you, thou, Romeo? Can it be that you is unfaithful to me? I ain't unfaithful, honey. I'm just popular. Well, I only knows one thing. I'm the man who started at the bottom of the ladder and stayed there. I know what I'll do. I'll smash this ladder so nobody else can go up there. Well, I see somebody else get up on that balcony. Outta my way, half-parent. Hey, Julie. Come on up here. Yee-hee. How's he going to get up? I done broke the ladder. I don't need no ladder. I'm going to climb right up that wall. You is? Man, who is you? Tarzan. Someone like the excitement of thrilling new things. And that's one reason for liking jello chocolate pudding. It's brand new, but it's also much more than that. It's the grandest chocolate pudding you've ever tasted since the days when you begged for it at home. You remember that mellow, homemade flavor, smoother, creamier, more chocolatey? Well, that's just what jello chocolate pudding brings you. It's all yours to enjoy. Just listen to how easily you can make jello chocolate pudding. Mix the contents of one package with some milk in the top of your double boiler, letting it cook until it's smooth and thick. Then when the mixture's cooled, pour it into sherbet glasses, and you're ready to serve chocolate pudding that's a real triumph of luscious goodness. Each package gives you six servings and sells for the same low price as jello. Ask your grocer for jello chocolate pudding in the morning. If he hasn't put it in stock yet, be sure he orders it for you. Remember the name, Jello Chocolate Pudding. Uh, dissam de laf. This is the last number of the fifth program in the new Jello series. And we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time when we are going to present our version of 20th Century Fox's popular picture, The World's Dormitory. We tackle anything, huh? Remember folks, next Sunday night. Oh, Jack, can I do the part Simone played? Simone who? It's funny, I never can think of her last name. Good night, folks. This program has come to you over the red network from the NBC's Beauty, Otters, and Hollywood. This is the national broadcasting company. KFI Los Angeles. One day sale tomorrow at Leroy. 4750.