 Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem. So I want to start off with some headlines of high profile cases that we've seen in recent years. In all of these cases you have people who are very highly regarded in the community, people who are very respected and beloved by children and adults, and they've committed the most heinous and horrific crimes. I'm starting off with this information to show that the threat to our children can come from people that we love and respect and admire, and that at times they can actually use that admiration and love to exploit our communities. So as you can see, I have information up there about the Boy Scouts, which is an extremely popular organization in the US, Jerry Sandusky, who was guilty of dozens of child sex abuse charges across many, many years. In the Catholic clergy, we always see cases on the news about new clergy that are accused of crimes and cover-ups within the Catholic Church. Larry Nassar, which is probably the most recent case to come up, and he was the perpetrator who was accused of molesting US gymnasts, again for many, many years. And then there are also cases of Jehovah's Witnesses, again another religious organization where child abuse was rampant and it was also covered up. So this chart sums up one of the most important pieces of information I want to share here today. If you're going to come away with anything, I want you to at least come away with this. As you can see, contrary to what most people believe, most perpetrators are known to the victim and they're not strangers. We tend to think that perpetrators are weird-looking men who are kind of lurking in playgrounds or schools, but that's actually not the case. Maybe 3% of the time, they're known to the victim, 34% of the time, they're family. So parents, uncles, cousins, and then 59% are acquaintances. So that could be friends, teachers, nannies, babysitters, organization leaders, all kinds of people that are known to the victims, and only 7% are strangers. So here are some important facts I also wanted to share. According to research, one in five girls and one in 20 boys is a victim of child abuse. Now, I know that these figures are alarming, but I also want people to take into account that a lot of abuse cases go unreported because some kids don't never disclose, and even if they do disclose, a lot of families don't report to the authorities. So the numbers could actually be much higher, and I've seen research that points to higher figures. The most vulnerable ages are between 7 and 13. Nearly 40% are abused by other kids. So they could be friends, classmates, cousins, any other children basically. And interestingly also, 40 to 80% of juveniles who commit crimes such as this are victims themselves. 60% of victims never tell anybody. We're going to talk about the reasons why that is in a few minutes. And then of course, people tend to think that sexual abuse is only a contact crime, but that's not the case. So it could be any kind of behavior that is sexually motivated for the perpetrator. So it could be watching the child undress, showing the child inappropriate material, exposure to the child, anything that would be inappropriate in that sense would still be child abuse. And then most sex offenders do deny their crimes. I wanted to mention this because if a child makes a disclosure and you're automatically thinking, well, I'm going to go ask the person that's being accused, you go and ask that adult, and the adult says, oh no, this is ridiculous, with no understanding, of course nothing happened. I want you to really think twice about trusting the accused over the child because the vast majority of allegations are actually true. And most sex offenders deny their crimes. So I just want everybody to keep that in mind. Anything else I really wanted to address was myths around child abuse. And I think the most prominent one really is stranger danger. So we spend a lot of time teaching our kids to be cautious around strangers, don't talk to strangers, don't take anything from strangers. The famous don't take candy from a stranger. We don't really teach them how to handle unwanted interactions from people they know, or people they love even. So most people have this idea that a sex offender looks unusual or different. But it's actually rarely are they strangers. So we have to make a point to teach our kids to set boundaries and be comfortable saying, no, this is making me uncomfortable. I don't want to be around that person, whether they're a stranger or not. We also think that children won't remember if they're abused at a young age or they're just going to get over it because they're so young, but that's actually not the case. The effects of abuse last for many, many years and well into adulthood and it can impact various areas of a person's life. We'll discuss that in more detail as well. On the other hand, just because a child was abused doesn't mean that they're going to be distraught or struggling for the rest of their lives. A lot of factors play into how a child recovers from trauma and that includes believing the child, family support, getting treatment, all kinds of other factors play into that. And then it's also unfortunate that a lot of people assume that boys are rarely abused and that they think that it's mostly girls. But I talked earlier about that it's actually one in 20 boys and it's probably even higher than that and boys can be abused by boys and girls, men and women. It's actually estimated that 14% of cases of child abuse against boys are committed by women. And it's also assumed that if a mother is around that nobody can harm her child, but there have been also cases where, especially if it's someone that's trusted within the family, that the abuse is happening in the same room where the mom is. So again, making sure that we're not thinking about the danger as just coming from strangers, but it could come from anybody within the family or community. We also want to believe that a parent can tell if their child is being abused or that the child is immediately going to tell them if they have a close relationship. But again, various factors play into that. Some kids never tell at all. Some kids wait months or years before telling. A lot of them think that they're embarrassed about it. They think no one's going to believe them. They don't want to get the person in trouble, especially if it's someone that's beloved by the family member or someone that the family respects. They're afraid that their parents aren't going to love them anymore. They're afraid that they're going to be taken away by child services. Sometimes the children even deny the abuse even when there's evidence that it happened because they're afraid of all the possible repercussions. The other thing also is that perpetrators can play into that. So they can threaten kids that those are the things that would happen to you if you just close, so then they're not going to tell anybody. And the other side of that that I wanted to address is that there are parents that I think actually the majority of parents when the kid comes to them and discloses something like this, the initial reaction is denial. No one wants to hear that their child suffered something so horrific. So it's actually a very, very common reaction. And the most important thing to remember is in those kind of situations, it's understandable that you would be in denial at first. And what matters really is that you quickly realize that you have to trust your child and take immediate steps to make sure that they're safe. And so even if a mom initially says, what, that's ridiculous. There's no way that happened. It doesn't mean that they're a bad parent. It's actually a normal first reaction. Also, sometimes the abuse is minimized. So I know some behaviors seem worse than others, but it's important to remember that for a child abuse is abuse. It's not about, only for adults is sex considered intercourse. But for children, it's not about that at all. It's not about the physical act. It's about the betrayal. It's about the emotional aspect of it, that there was manipulation and deceit and that their innocence was stolen. That's what stays with them. That's what's the most damaging. It's not about the physical act. So we shouldn't say things like, well, he only touched her arm, or at least he didn't rape her or him. Because that's not helpful. That's not what stays with the child. Another thing I want to see here, and what Brother Donesh was saying as well, is that we want to believe that people in helping professions would never do something like this, would never harm children. But research has actually shown that there are some offenders that choose their profession, especially because it gives them access to children. So there are many clergy and teachers and people in child care who've said, yes, I went into this profession because I have access to kids and no one would question me. So it's important to not assume that just because somebody is a Quran teacher or the best babysitter in the neighborhood, that you should dismiss any concerns that are brought to your attention. And then lastly, I think this is a pretty common myth that sex offender treatment doesn't work. And that we should just lock up all sex offenders and they're all the same, and that treatment is useless for them. That's not the case. There are different types of sex offenders. A lot of them actually are individuals who suffered their own traumas when they were kids and they're dealing with their own histories of victimization and some of them feel a lot of remorse for their actions and want help. Now some don't feel that way and are just predatory. But either way, treatment is very important and it's an extremely important component in prevention. And I'm saying this here because if you do come across someone that you personally or professionally know and they've committed a crime like this and you're hesitant about addressing the issue and you don't want to embarrass them, they tell you, oh, I'll never do it again. It was just one time and I don't know what I was thinking. So you're thinking about just letting it slide and not reporting to the authorities. I want you to really think about the importance of treatment in this case. They need to be referred for treatment. And treatment is not all the same. I work in a treatment program and it's individualized based on the person's history, based on their own experiences, based on their risk level. So I strongly want to encourage everybody to really think about that if you ever come across someone who is in this situation. And this is what we need to do for the good of the community and to protect our children really. And sending them off to another place or marrying them off, that's not going to help anybody. It's not going to help them. It's going to probably put other people in harm's way. So the best thing to do in that situation is to report and recommend treatment. So I'm going to talk a little bit about grooming. Brother Dinesh mentioned it a little bit. So grooming really is the process where by a perpetrator gains access to a victim. It involves an imbalance of power. It involves coercion, manipulation. And the motivation is to get to the victim and to maintain that relationship. And it involves not just the child that involves the child's caregivers. It even sometimes involves the entire community. So I'm going to go through the steps involved in grooming. So the first step is identifying and targeting the victim. So the most vulnerable kids for child abuse are kids that come from broken homes, kids who are single parent homes, kids who are neglected, kids who they're not getting a lot of attention at home. They have very busy parents, children with disabilities, children who are quiet, reserved, shy, more passive. Those are the kids that are preyed on more often. The next step is gaining trust and access to them. So once the perpetrator identifies the potential victim, then they pay special attention to them. They buy them gifts, they buy them food, they buy them stuff that they're lacking at home, and they also offer emotional support. So they lend a sympathetic ear. If there's stuff going on at home, then they listen to them and they offer them love and support and guidance. And gradually, what's happening is that they're playing a role in the child's life. So they make the child feel like they're the only one that understands them. They're the only one that's supporting them and is gonna be really there for them. And with time, what they end up doing is isolating the child. So they offer them rides, they drop offs after school, they take them out for meals, they take them to sports games, they give them personal lessons, so individualized lessons so they could tell the parents, oh, he's such a special kid or she's such a special kid. I wanna give them personalized lessons just by themselves to grow their gift. So then they end up having a lot of alone time together. And of course, the parents are none the wiser, they don't know exactly what's going on. And at that point, nothing inappropriate has happened. This is, again, a process where they're slowly desensitizing the victim and the family to the idea of being alone with the child. And then throughout all this, they're creating secrecy. So they're telling the child, don't tell anybody about our relationship and you're so special, don't tell anybody about how we care for each other and that I'm there for you. Because if you tell, then all of that's gonna go away and we won't be able to go to all these games and we won't have that special time and I can't get you gifts and all that stuff. Now what happens after this is gradually they start to initiate physical contact. And it doesn't immediately have to be something inappropriate, but it could be, or sexual, but what happens is, for example, Jerry Sandusky, what he used to do was he would gradually touch the boy's legs and then they would wrestle, wrestling first with clothes and then wrestling with underwear and then showering with the boys. So he is a coach, so showering in locker rooms was normal for the boys, but then he would shower just with one of the boys. So it's gradual, gradual, gradual so that the kids are desensitized. So that finally when he does make an appropriate sexual contact, the child isn't going to be as shocked and will be less likely to say no. Now, in order to maintain this relationship, the perpetrator is instilling fear in the child because they need to control them. So they tell them, if you ever tell anybody, they're no one's gonna believe you. It's your fault because you wanted to be with me and you enjoyed our trips together. And the problem is why this is so incredibly damaging for kids is because the child is enjoying part of this because the perpetrator is making sure that they are because the more that the child seems like they're enjoying this experience of going out together, the gifts and the food and the games, then the less likely the child's gonna say anything, the less likely anyone's gonna believe anything is going on because the child seems like they're having a great time. And the child themselves are having a good time, really. So then they're struggling with this idea of, well, but this person, they love me and they're helping me and they're the only one in my life that cares about me, but they're hurting me. So they're struggling with this awful dilemma. And then the perpetrator feeds off of that and contributes to it. Now, I also want to say that this is not common in all cases, in some scenarios this doesn't happen at all and there's just coercion and fear, doesn't have to be any grooming. But again, this is such an important thing to think about because perpetrators are not, they don't have to be someone who's scary and it's a one time thing and the child is gonna tell right away. And I think that's what everybody has, most people have in their mind that that's what's gonna happen, but it's not the case. And with people that employ grooming, it's so incredibly dangerous to our community because these are the people that seem like they're wonderful. I mean, everybody loved Jerry Sandusky. They thought he was the most amazing guy looking after all these troubled children, created an after school organization for troubled kids. Everybody loved him. And these people make sure that the community thinks that about them because that's going to get them more access. And if anybody says anything, no one's gonna believe them. So they have access for a much longer time. They get away with whatever they want. So it's incredibly dangerous. So how do you know if your child is being abused? So there's, the first thing I'm gonna talk about is normal versus abnormal behaviors, sexual behaviors. So I'm not gonna talk about it by developmental stages, but really what you should be thinking about is what's normal for my child's age. And to get help with that, the best thing to do is to talk to your pediatrician or primary care physician to figure out, okay, my child's acting this way, is that normal for their age? But just kind of general ideas are, can they be redirected? If they're doing something inappropriate and you keep telling them to stop and they're not stopping it, that's concerning. If they know knowledge that's inappropriate for their developmental stage, that's also concerning. If they're stimulating inappropriate adult acts, that's also very concerning because where did they learn that from? If they manipulate other children to abuse the children or having another child abuse them, that's also inappropriate and concerning. If they're talking in an inappropriate manner, if being around other adults causes them excessive agitation, anything like that, that's all abnormal behavior. And then STDs also are big tell. So if a child has an STD, then that's obviously concerning because where did they get that from? And then of course, mental health symptoms. So if they're withdrawn, if they seem that they're afraid, they're depressed, a suicide attempt, they're very angry and rebellious for no reason, right? So think about developmental stage. Is this appropriate for their developmental stage or not? And then witnessing, of course, if it was witnessed, that's evidence. Using alcohol or drugs at an early age. So alcohol and drugs or substances in general are commonly used in victims of trauma. They're coping, they're unhealthy coping mechanisms. So if that's used, then that's concerning as well. And then chronic physical symptoms, like stomach pain, headaches. And then with regards to physical findings. So a lot of people think that if a child is abused, then there's going to be physical findings and that's the way to tell if something happened. That's not the case. Actually, kids heal much faster than adults. So in a lot of cases, even with terrible abuse, there are no physical findings. They do a checkup and there's nothing there. So if you're going to rely, if you have other evidence and the physical findings seem to point to the effect that nothing happened, I would not go with the physical findings. Because they're actually uncommon. And then lastly, disclosure. If there is disclosure, you wanna investigate. So effects on children. So I split this into short-term and long-term effects. And I do wanna say beforehand that sometimes the events that happen after the abuse can be as damaging to the kids as the actual abuse itself. So for example, not being believed, having to go through the legal system, all of that can be re-traumatizing. And in fact, sexually abused children who tell and are not believed, or who never tell at all, are at greater risk of emotional, social, and physical problems that can go well into adulthood. Now the short-term effects include regressive behaviors, which basically means that they're displaying behaviors that are not appropriate for their developmental stage. So like, some sucking, bed-wetting, if they stop talking. So like a six-year-old acting suddenly like a two- or three-year-old. Sleep disturbances, eating problems. They stop doing well at school. They don't wanna go to school. They failed all their classes. They don't wanna hang out with their friends. Those are all effects and signs. Long-term effects include substance abuse, as I mentioned earlier, that's a common coping mechanism. Dissociation, which means basically kids who experience trauma, especially this kind of trauma, can, because of how incredibly overwhelming they experience this, they can emotionally detach themselves from the situation. So they may not even have memories of the abuse because it's so incredibly traumatizing. And this is especially true in cases of incest. Other mental health symptoms include depression, anxiety, PTSD, which is post-traumatic stress disorder, suicide attempts, eating disorders, physical health problems. So adults with a history of child abuse are 30% more likely to have a serious medical condition like diabetes, cancer, heart problems, stroke, and hypertension. So as you can see, it's extremely damaging throughout the lifespan. And then of course they could have difficulties in their relationships and adult relationships. They can feel anger at the abuser, anger at their families for not protecting them and anger at themselves because they felt like they could have been able to stop the abuse. And then finally, research has shown that someone who was victimized is highly likely to be re-victimized again. So they're likely to be traumatized again. We don't have time to talk about that now here, but if anybody has a question about this in the Q&A, I would gladly explain that phenomenon. Okay, so what to do to protect your child from abuse? So you wanna carefully screen the people that are in contact with your child. Don't assume that just because they're high standing in the community, that they're automatically safe at all. We wanna make sure, any gut feeling you have, any doubts you have, you wanna go with that. Don't ignore suspicious behavior. Again, even if they're the most respected and beloved teacher or leader, because remember, if that person employed grooming, that means that they actually made an effort to become the most beloved teacher and leader so that they can have access. You also don't wanna force your child to give and receive affection. So I know even, my husband does this at home. When someone comes over, oh, he tells my son to go and hug and kiss the person that's coming. And we all do that. It's part of our culture. We really want to be close to each other and show love and affection to each other. So the issue though with that is that if your child doesn't feel like doing that, it's really best to not force them. And I'm not saying that if they don't wanna hug and kiss someone who comes in the door, that means that that person is a danger to them. Absolutely not. Because we all know kids sometimes they're shy or they just don't feel like it. And that's totally fine. But why I'm saying this here is because you wanna make your child feel like it's okay for them to set a boundary. It's okay for them to say, no, I don't wanna hug and kiss that person. Because God forbid, at some point, there is a person there that is a danger to them. You want them to feel like they can say no and that they have a right to say no. Similarly, we teach our kids to always respect and obey elders, which is obviously, in general, a good thing. But we also wanna teach them that if they feel unsafe around someone, even if they are the most respected person in the community, that it's okay for them to also set a boundary and say, no, I don't wanna be around that person. And that just because they're kids doesn't mean they're any less worthy of our respect and are they're any less valuable. We also tend to give, you know, cutesy names to body parts when they're kids. But, you know, and I think also, because we feel like if we say those words, it's I am. So the problem with that, though, is that if, again, God forbid, a child were to be abused and they're going to disclose to somebody, they may not feel comfortable disclosing to you because maybe it's someone that you know, maybe it's someone in your house, maybe it's someone that you admire or love, they may wanna disclose to their friend's mom or their teacher. And they might use a word that the teacher has no idea what they're talking about. So the teacher might dismiss it and then that's it, the child's never gonna disclose again. So it's important to give your kids the tools to be able to advocate for themselves. Now, if your child appears distraught around a specific person, doesn't wanna be alone with them, that's something also to take into account. You wanna talk to your child about prevention, you know, teach them that no one can touch them in certain places, that they should immediately tell if they feel uncomfortable. There's a lot of books out there, a lot of information about how to do this. I saw a book the other day called See is for Consent and it was for younger kids. So you can start that conversation early. You also wanna be open to whatever your child wants to tell you. If they say they have a secret, you don't wanna dismiss it because maybe they're testing the waters to tell you something else. And this is not necessarily just about themselves, you know, maybe they saw something that's going on with another child and they feel like they wanna tell somebody. And then that gives you an opportunity to really step up and be someone who's protecting your community. And finally, like I said, believe a child if they tell you something is going on because the cost of disbelieving really is much higher than the cost of believing them and then finding out that it was not a true accusation. So this is an app that was created by Childhood USA with a nonprofit called Darkness to Light. It's a really great app about child prevention, basically child abuse prevention. And it has a lot of information. I don't know if you can see it clearly, but it has education, organization safety checklists. And it also, I believe, has information on how to report child abuse. The last thing I'm going to say is about mandatory reporting. So mandatory reporting basically means that people who are in professions where they are always around children, they are legally obligated to report suspected abuse to the authorities. They have to or else they get in trouble. I personally think that everybody should be a mandated reporter. I think if you suspect anything, it should be reported to the authorities. Now, the thing I also wanted to impart here is that it could be absolutely anonymous. So no one will know that you made a report. And also it's suspected abuse. So it's not like you know for sure. You're just reporting suspected abuse. So there's some evidence that something might be going on and you wanna make sure that a child is safe, best to report. There'll be an investigation and then if nothing comes of it, that's fine. But you may be protecting one child or many in the community by reporting. And there's a website that we'll put on in Chicks Clothing about how to report child abuse. And then these are more resources about child abuse, just information. And then Brother Downish's website in Chicks Clothing and some hotlines as well that we'll have on the website. And that's it for me. Thank you very much.