 What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about mental health. And what I like to do is talk about mental health because I am somebody who is actively trying to improve my mental and emotional well-being. So if you are too, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. All right. And speaking of mental health, YouTube doesn't like promoting videos that talk about serious subjects such as mental health. So if you find something useful in one of my videos, do me a favor, share it, Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Instagram, whatever your thing is, share it out there. Like the video I did yesterday on post-traumatic growth, I think more people need to know about this. And unfortunately, those types of videos don't get too many views. So you will be doing your boy a favor and a favor to someone you know, but just sharing it a little. All right. But yeah, I wanted to talk today about my mental health. I don't, I don't do enough little story times sharing my experience. I try to interject my experience with a lot of the videos that I do. But yeah, I had an amazing day yesterday, an amazing therapy session. And I want to talk about it because I know a lot of you are in therapy, but I know a lot of people are afraid to go to therapy or don't want to do therapy or have misconceptions about therapy. And if I'm being 100% honest with you, I've only been in therapy for a little over a year now. A lot of my own mental health and sobriety work was just personal. It was through 12 step programs, or it was through just my own personal work through, you know, all the things like meditation, journaling, you know, talking to my support group, my own, you know, reading research and all that kind of stuff. But I finally took the step and got into therapy. I was like, you know, I'm always telling people to go to therapy. I'm not a therapy. So a little over a year ago, I started therapy. And yeah, real quick, this video is not sponsored. Okay. But BetterHelp Online Therapy is a service that I use and they've supported the channel for a couple of years now. Right now, while everybody stuck inside and losing their minds, BetterHelp is offering two free weeks of online therapy. So you literally have nothing to lose. I'll put my affiliate link down below if you want to check it out. I think this deal is good until the end of the month, but check out the link below. But anyways, I had my therapy appointment yesterday. It was the first appointment I've had, I think since the whole quarantine thing. All right. And yeah, we talk once every couple weeks, usually, sometimes I forget to schedule an appointment. But yeah, luckily, I had one scheduled for yesterday that I set, you know, last week, I think. And it was, it was good timing. And I had this, this breakthrough. So not that anybody notices. I try to do videos daily or do some type of content daily, whether it's, you know, a video on my YouTube channel or writing a Medium post or, you know, doing a podcast or doing something to put out there. Right. And for the last four or five days, I was just, I was feeling really, I don't even know if it was my depression or if I was just lacking motivation, even the lack of motivation is a symptom of depression and things like that. But I wasn't really posting. I think I got one or two videos out in a five day period. I don't know if I even wrote a Medium post, but I just didn't feel like doing anything. Right. And yeah, like that was something that I talked to my therapist about. I was just like, you know, hey, I was feeling low. I didn't feel like doing anything. And I was actually really excited to tell her that I had this kind of breakthrough on my own, this kind of clarity in 12 step programs. We kind of call it a spiritual experience. And basically, when I was driving, I was thinking about how when I first got sober and I was absolutely hopeless. I was depressed. I was suicidal. And when I would walk into a 12 step meeting, all I wanted, the only thing I wanted was just for somebody to say something, anything that just gave me this little glimmer of hope. Right. That's all I wanted. Like that's how low my bar was set. I just wanted somebody to say something. And I'm getting all tingly, just thinking about it again, because right then after four or five days of just no motivation, not wanting to do anything, boom, it hit me. I started thinking about how many people are out there who are struggling with their depression, with their anxiety, with trauma, with whatever mental illness they're struggling with and how they are just looking for that little bit of hope. And you know, I'm no savior. I'm not like the guy who knows everything. I barely know, you know, how to help myself. Right. But what I do know is my experience. And you know, when I make a video, my only goal is to give someone out there just a little bit of hope. And when I thought of that, I snapped out of it. I'm like, Oh my God. And I felt so good and inspired me to start putting out content again. So I was telling my therapist about that. But anyways, when I'm not working, when I'm not doing stuff, this is something that comes up with my therapist a lot. Because I feel this weird, like kind of guilt and this fear. And it comes up a lot. And I had this breakthrough in therapy. So let me rewind. Let me rewind a little bit for you. Let me rewind to about eight years ago. All right. And it was something that was going on for many years. I was a lazy, unmotivated, just useless human being. All right. This was back in my drug addiction and alcoholic days. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to help anybody. Everything was just about me. I couldn't keep my commitments. I was so unreliable. Right. And, you know, there were so many days when I would just wake up. I'd be like, eh, I don't feel like going to work today. And I would do that whole thing where I'd like call my boss and like, oh, I'm sick. Right. And just take the whole day off for absolutely no reason. I would bail on people when they would invite me to do stuff. Like I was just so unreliable, so unreliable. Right. And something that I learned in recovery is that like we got to change that. Like this is something that greatly improved my mental health. Like I had to stop being that person, you know what I'm saying? So I had to start learning how to keep my commitments and, you know, be there for other people and, you know, just showing up, right? Whether it, not, not just for work, but for my friends, for my family members, all those kinds of things. And for me, like with a lot of us in recovery, we have to be mindful of falling back into old behaviors because those old behaviors can lead to a relapse. All right. It's this very slow, insidious process. These small things start to build up because a relapse doesn't just happen. Right. We don't just pick up a drink or a drug. We start to do these other things. Right. We start becoming unreliable. We start lying. We start manipulating. We start doing all these things. And then the relapse happens. So I work very hard on just being a reliable human being today. And what that turns into, which is something that I'm still processing and trying to figure out is that I hold myself to a very high standard of accountability. Right. And this means showing up, working, doing what I got to do. And I don't let, I don't give myself any slack. Okay. Like I was telling my therapist because she asked me, like, you know, why do you feel like that? Why do you feel, you know, why do you beat yourself up? Why do you think that is when you're not working, when you're not creating something and stuff. And I told her, I said, because the world doesn't stop based on how I feel. Okay. And, you know, not to toot my own horn, but I believe that's one of the reasons why I have, you know, the life I live today and I'm able to keep jobs today and I'm able to, you know, be a father and a boyfriend and a friend and all these things because I know, I know from the depths of my soul that the world does not stop because I'm not in the mood. Right. The world does not stop because I'm feeling depressed. The world does not stop because I'm feeling anxious. None of those things matter to the world. So I show up and I do my thing just to give you some examples. If I'm feeling depressed one day, I can't just tell my son, Hey Dylan, sorry, can't be a dad today. I'm just not feeling it. Right. Like I can't stop being a father because my mental health is acting up. Right. I can't do that at work either. I can't like, by the way, I have the best bosses. So they would probably let me do this. They would probably let me take a mental health day. Like no questions asked. Like I, I've been working there for, I don't know, seven, eight months now. I haven't had a single sick day. I think at my previous job at the rehab center in three years, I think I maybe took two sick days. Right. Like it's just something like I just show up. Right. But anyways, what I'm getting at is I can't just call it my work and say, Hey, I'm not feeling it today. I'm just not going to show up to work. You know what I mean? I know that the world does not stop because of how I'm feeling. So I push through it. I show up. I do what I got to do. Right. I allocate time for my mental health. Like don't get me wrong. My mental health is a major priority. Right. But I know I have responsibilities. Okay. So anyways, therapeutic breakthrough. So I'm talking to her about this and everything. And she's asking me like, why, why don't you, you know, feel like it's okay for you to take time off? Why don't you, you know, think that this is something that you need and everything. And I explain that to her, but then here's what happened. Remember how I told you like that old Chris, that terrible, unreliable, garbage person, Chris, I have this immense fear of turning back into that guy. I was telling her, and I've told her this a million times and it's crazy. It's crazy just verbalizing this again. Okay. I used to be the type of person where if you gave me an inch, I would take a mile. Right. If, if you let me, if you let me slack off here, I would just run with it. Right. Like if you were okay with me being a little bit late, right. If you were okay with me being like three, four, five minutes late, I'll show up 20 minutes late next time. I'll see how far I can push that boundary. Right. Oh, you let me call in to work, call in and you didn't really check to see if I was really sick. Okay. Well, maybe I'll do that more frequently. Like I would take advantage. Like that was old, manipulative, selfish, self-centered Chris. That's who I was. Right. And I'm telling this to my, my therapist. Right. I told her, I'm the type of person where you give me an inch and I take a mile. But then as I'm talking about, I'm like, wait a second, I was the type of person where you give me an inch and take a mile. Like you guys, I've been sober for going on eight years in two months. Why do I have this intense fear of becoming who I used to be. Right. Like when we talk about fears, when we talk about anxiety, like we talk about healthy and unhealthy fears, right. Realistic and unrealistic fears. And this one lies right in the middle. I've been sober almost eight years. Um, when I look back at it, like this is where I'm trying to explain it again out loud. So bear with me. But if I look back at my previous, you know, seven and a half to almost eight years of sobriety, how many times have I been given an inch and taken a mile? Not much. Not much, man. I have, I have such accountability for myself. So when it comes to, you know, the rewired soul and, you know, making YouTube videos and writing and podcasts and everything like that, like I'm, I'm afraid that if I don't produce stuff, I'm just going to be like, okay, well screw it. I'll just, you know, I'll never upload a video again. Oh, okay. The audience didn't care that I didn't upload once or twice. I'll just never upload again. Like that's what my brain tells me that I will do, even though there's no evidence that I would ever do that. What I've proven to myself over these years is that I bounce back, right. I go through these periods, but I bounce back. I don't take that mile like I used to. So why, so the question is that I'm now, now I'm trying to work on is why am I so afraid? Like my therapist started asking me like, how much confidence do I have in myself? How much trust do I have in myself to not going back to being that person? And that's like, wow, like I actually have quite a bit of confidence. What I told her was, it's about 90%. It's about 90% because I can still make really dumb decisions, you know? But anyways, here's what I'm now thinking about. Here are the thoughts that I'm kind of wrestling with. So I haven't been to a 12 step meeting in weeks since the whole quarantine thing. And finally, like, even though I've been telling people like, hey, online meetings, online meetings, online meetings, like finally, just the other night, I decided to check out online meeting in the rooms.com. That's a great website for online meetings. It's probably like the top website. They have an app too. So if you are looking for meetings online in the rooms.com. So the other night I went in there and I just wanted to scope it out and it was crazy. There was like 150 people in there, right? And people just take turns sharing like their video and Mike is hooked up. And I only caught the tail end of it. I was cooking dinner and I was just listening to it. And here's where that balance comes in. Here's the thoughts that I'm wrestling with. There were like, I caught like the last four or five people sharing. One of them was a man who has been sober for about 16 years, right? And he didn't relapse on drugs or alcohol, but he had, you know, what we call an emotional relapse, right? He fell back into old behaviors and he explained just like clockwork, like it happens to all of us. It slowly builds up and then he did something really, really dumb. He cheated on his wife. He had an affair, right? That's after 16 years of sobriety. Then there was another woman who shared who was sober for 24 years, 24 years. And two weeks ago she relapsed. Okay? So now what I'm trying to do is find that confidence, like how that confidence that I'm not going to slip back into that old, old type of Chris, but I'm also well aware like, because as some of you know, like anybody who knows me, the reason why I make like, you know, YouTube videos talking about, you know, things going on in the YouTube community, I try to learn from others. I analyze what happened to them and I try to learn from it. So these people who had 16, 24 years sober, one of them didn't relapse on drugs and alcohol, but he did something that could still ruin his life, right? Having an affair, cheating on his wife. Then this other woman, 24 years, she relapsed on drugs and alcohol. So I have to be mindful that I am not invincible. I am not immune to these things happening. So now it's time for me, you know, to work on that balance where I have this confidence that I'm not going to just easily slip back into those behaviors. That is not going to be something that just happens, right? But also knowing that it is possible. So what's the solution? What's the solution? As I was talking to my therapist and she asked me, you know, like what are my safeguards? What am I doing? Right? And I told her that I teach this to others, right? And it's something that I know. There's a formula to this thing. There is a formula to this thing. Whether it's, you know, addiction recovery, mental health, whatever. There's only three things you need. Boop, boop, boop, just three. We over complicate the hell out of things, but there's just three things. One of them is having a support group. Having people who you talk to, not keeping stuff to yourself, not keeping it in, right? And it doesn't always have to be a therapist. Like I have my beautiful girlfriend, Tristan. I have my friends. I have my family. You know, my mom is in recovery too. Like I have people I could talk to. So we need a support group. Okay. Next one is, is personal work? Like what are we doing every single day to work on ourselves? Every day I wake up with one goal, just one goal. Be just a little bit better than you were yesterday. Whatever that means, whatever that means, be a better father, be a better boyfriend, be a better YouTuber, be, be a better, you know, friend, be better when you're talking to, you know, people from the rewired soul community and whatever it is, find, find something and just try to be a little bit better than you were yesterday. Right? We're just constantly on this upward trajectory, trajectory working on ourselves. Okay. So support group, working on ourselves and the third component. Be a service to other people. Okay. To get ourselves out of that selfish and self-centered mindset, we start thinking about others. What do other people need? It's not just about me. What can I do to help others? Okay. So those three things, support group, working on ourselves and being a service to others. I have seen for almost eight years now that that is the formula to living a better life, improving your mental health, staying sober and everything like that. So my safeguards is making sure I'm doing those three things on a regular basis. So as long as I do those three things, it does not mean that I'm immune. Okay. Relapse is possible for me and emotional relapse is possible for me. Hell, last year I had several emotional relapses. Okay. I never cheated or anything, but any of you who saw all my YouTube nonsense that happened last year, I made a lot of very dumb decisions because I wasn't keeping up with the things I know that I need to do. All right. I've been working very hard at that. And I told my therapist a little bit too. I've lost a little confidence because of all the dumb stuff I did last year. You know what I mean? But since then I've been working really hard on those three components. So anyways, like I said, I really want to share this, especially those of you who are thinking about trying therapy or anything like it helps to talk to somebody who who gets down deeper and has us ask ourselves things that we weren't really even looking at because they see it from a different angle. You know what I'm saying? And she helped me realize that I have this immense fear that when I'm feeling low, when I'm feeling depressed and I'm not producing anything, what that is actually rooted in is this fear that I'm going to turn into this old Chris. So now that I'm aware of that, when I'm having days where I'm just like, okay, Chris, it's a day to relax, hang out with your son, hang out with your girlfriend, hang out with yourself, whatever it is. Now on those days, I can recognize where that fear is coming from. And the way I counterbalance that, by the way, is that I hold myself accountable. I try to communicate that with my audience. And just so you know, like I said, this is my therapist, like nobody freaks out when I'm not uploading on a day to day basis. But just so you all know, my DMs are always open. Like I talked to plenty of people while I was not uploading. So just know that you could still get a hold of me. But again, I bounce back. Like once I get through it, I get back to creating. I get back to doing my thing. You know what I'm saying? But every now and then we just need some time to just just recollect ourselves and just accept like, yo, here's how I'm feeling right now. Right? I don't have the same opportunity to do that with work or as a father or whatever. But I need to look at the different aspects of my life where it's like, okay, that can wait for a little bit until I'm feeling a little bit better. You know what I mean? But anyways, if you made it this far in the video, thank you. I hope it helped you out. Don't forget to share it. And again, if you want to try out BetterHelp Online Therapy, it's free for the first two weeks. Check it out. Okay? If you don't like it, cancel it. It's literally no, like there's no obligation to stay, you know? So like might as well get two free weeks of therapy. See if you like it. All right? That'll be linked down in the description. Okay? But anyways, that's all I got for this video. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. And a huge, huge thank you to everybody who supports the channel over on Patreon, as well as everybody who supports the channel by buying my mental health books at therewiredsoul.com. By the way, I'm working on a new mental health book, so make sure you follow me on Instagram and Twitter at the Rewired Soul. Thanks again for watching. I'll see you next time.