 Alright, so we're doing another one of these, our little drunk reviews here, but there's a lot more people this time. Everyone wants to go around the circle and introduce themselves. Jordan? What's up? Hi, I'm Jeff. Jeff did the last one. He's a dick. Jenny. Hi, I'm Rebecca Shalon. You can follow me on Instagram. Oh, fuck plugs already. You guys know me. I'm James. And now we're going to be reviewing House of Wax. 2005, bitches! Damn it, Brian. Hey guys, so we're watching House of Wax 2005. It's the drunk review. We're all drunk. That's the best part of this review, because this movie, this movie is not very good. It's better than some people think it is, but it's not very good. And it starts pairless-hilling, so what the fuck are you expecting? This movie is essentially like watching something from my high school age, the dialogue. Everyone, how everyone acts, the fact that people are just loving my make-out pits. It's just, it was an unfortunate reminder of how my high school life was. Yeah, because he was still in high school. He's actually the only one of us that was still in high school when this movie came out. Excuse me, I was in high school when this movie came out. Did you know Australians graduated at 16? What the fuck is that fucking story? I know West, just in my grade 18. That's fucking weird, man. But you actually know, like, even in the UK, they have, like, Whistler Australians. With Australia, they never... So this movie is about a group of friends who, um... Go on a trip. I think they're going to a concert? I think that's the plan. They're going somewhere. Football game. That's right. They are the worst travelers. They have no preference. And there's like, three cars going, two of them have tickets, one of them doesn't. The one that doesn't is the black dude in Paris Hilton. There's some reason they're counting. And Paris Hilton gets the fuck of black dude. His whole person in the movie is his whole character, is that he gets to fuck Paris Hilton. From the blowjob that introduces him to his death scene where he dies offscreen shortly after fucking Paris Hilton. He's such a secondary character that he'd never... She did start the movie. No. He doesn't get an actual sex scene. He doesn't actually get an actual character. He doesn't even get an actual death. He gets a fake blowjob. Does he get a name? Probably. Blake. Who the fuck names a black guy Blake? I know a guy named Blake. A black guy? Yeah. He was the bachelor in Australia. That's terrible. There's some really fun scenes early on that mean fucking nothing. And then there's a scene where Laysha Cuthbert falls into roadkill. And that's pretty much where the movie starts. This movie is 113 minutes long. That could have been 93. So that guy who played the war killer pick ripper? Yeah. Right? He played the man to the mindhunter. I don't know. I like mindhunter. He appears as a hillbilly character who you think is actually a threat to the main character. But then he turns out to stop being. And then he's actually not all men. We will eventually. Jeremy? Out of seven. Jeremy? None of this fucking movie matters until we get to the wax. Yeah. And once it does, this movie goes from like 50-ish minutes of fucking nonsense to like a solid fucking horror movie. That's actually true then. This movie turns into a fucking good horror movie. That's a fair review. There we go. This movie has three fucking great girl or mormons. And the first one is when fucking supernatural fucking Sam. Which by the way can you comment on his Justin Bieber haircut? It's just incredibly bad fucking mustache. I want to be a cholo fucking mustache. Did he even have a mustache in his head? But he has his fucking Achilles tendon cracked. When it's reapplied, it's thicker when it's reapplied than it was when it was actually on his face. And this movie does exist in a post-screen, post-blair-witch world. Which is why this movie fucking starts, even the trailer for this movie starts with fucking found footage. Fucking stupid because it's in the movie and it's dumb. Chad Michael Murray. A whole time. I have met Chad Michael Murray. Chad Michael Murray signed the front and the back of my movie. It says thanks for all that you do. So this movie, it's got great gore. It's got, we fucking cut Achilles. We cut fingers off. We cut shit off. The gore in this movie is fucking fantastic. It's all gross when they stab Harrison's heel. We telegraphed the committed part of your story. Yeah. Peeling the face into the fucking act. It's fucking supernatural his face off. We watched the second movie we watched where we fucking kill Sam Winchester. He dies in the remake of Friday. Yeah, he does. We like smart chicks. We like good gore. This movie is 40 minutes too long. It does not have a good pace. You do not care about anything that's happening to the main characters in the essential movie. Although there's three. There's three characters. Not even. And what happens is that there's a giant narrative divide. We focus on Alicia Cuthsburg and Chad Michael Murray and Jared Padalecki for like a good almost solid hour. And then we come back to Paris. Yeah, we go away to Paris. I completely forgot who was named Richard Richard. Robert Richard. Robert. Sorry. Robert Richard. And I say Richard like a dick because his name is R.I. Apostrophe Charred. The director of this movie. This is his first movie. He is now directed all the non taken taken movies. So like the one where Liam Neeson's on a train and the other one where Liam Neeson's on a train and the one where Liam Neeson's on a plane. I don't know what he's talking about. Did he do a cult pursuit? No. He's now directing The Rock in Jungle Cruise which is about to come out. And he's also doing Black Fuckin' Adam. Chad Michael Murray is awesome. Alicia Cuthbert's awesome. Sam Fuckin' Winchester. You guys are awesome. It's okay actually. No she's not. And also I lost off the blind. I don't care what anyone says. So we played a drinking game that we had to drink every time. Fuck hang on one second. Every time we acted terribly we had to drink. We drank every time she was on screen. She's fucking terrible. Jordan. Out of seven. Out of seven like Jeremy's dumbass reviews. What is your review out of seven of House of Wax? I give it a solid fucking two. Jeff what is your rating out of seven for House of Wax? Three Wax fingers out of seven. I thought I would give it a one. Then I watched it. And I really liked it. I liked how flawed it was. I liked how long it was. I liked Paris Hilton in it. I liked that it was 2005. I mean it was awesome. And like that face part with the tears. I think I would give it like a five. Going into it with the one. So like I'm really like. I thought it was gonna suck. What's half of seven? Three and a half. Three and a half. We thought it was three and a half stars. I liked that it was 2005 as well. The ending was very good. There was some very like gruesome things and I think they relied on the gall part a lot. I didn't hate Paris Hilton. I didn't hate the acting but it was very long and I couldn't follow the storyline and it wasn't like great. I loved that the girl was smart and she was pretty great and Chad Mike Maric came out. I didn't enjoy the sexual attention between the siblings though. Like can we stop that? Like how do we stop that? As Hollywood as people. Hollywood loves it. Sexual tension between siblings. Harley and Nick definitely want to bang in this movie. Yelling too much. I'm gonna say or call this a four out of seven. Because this movie has a lot of good shit to it. It's got good gore. The ending's great. Like once the house goes to Max. It's so fucking cool man. It's everything that the Dark Castle guys did well. Like House on Haunted Hill, 13 Ghosts, Gothica, Go-Shift. They all have like one great fucking thing about them. He's only a pentailer right now. They all have kind of one good thing. This movie does the gore and the like that wax side of shit super fucking well. Like it just does it. Everything about the wax side of this movie is so fucking rad. Lots of jumps. And it's terrible. I mean it's from 2005. The 2000s suck for all of them. It sucks. It's just fucking terrible. I was graduating high school. On a scale of one to seven, I'd give it a B plus one thumb. Fuck you. What's your rating out of seven? I'll give it a good fellow for it. On a pity level, the set decoration was phenomenal. Yeah, yeah, we didn't talk about it. The set decoration was phenomenal. The concrete was in that. It was great. Great helicopter shots. Super photography. It's perfect. Perfect handheld stuff. It was, they did well. It was well shot. They used their gear. They were fucking awful. They knew how to do what they did. And on a technical level, it's a solid film. It's a two out of seven for me. And that's it. Fuck you. Fuck you. Thanks for watching. I'll see you guys soon.