 I literally don't know how I'm gonna make this, but I feel like it's important because this is a huge part of my life and It's gonna be really noticeable but um I literally don't want to say it out loud. I wanted to let everyone know that Laila sadly passed away I'm obviously not doing very well. Um, I don't even know where to begin Yeah, I'm not sure how much I included Or what I've said already and I don't feel the need to like obviously like explain every detail, but we found out during Laila's hospitalization that she had a really aggressive painful inoperable form of cancer actually on her upper palette toward the back of her throat and um, it was causing her a lot of pain that we didn't know about And as soon as she started showing symptoms, we went to the doctor and then they sent us home and said oh, it's probably nothing it's probably just this and try this and like my mother's intuition just knew like I knew that something was wrong and so I you know, it was like it's my job to advocate for her so I Continued trying to seek care for her and Thank God Thank God we took her to the vet we took her to the emergency vet because the doctor that ended up diagnosing her and Dealing, you know with the case was such an angel. She was so sweet and so gentle and feels like a nightmare anyway, um She ended up noticing that yes, something's not right and she was the one who noticed that I had ended I sent a video to show them what was going on with Layla and her breathing and The issues that she was going through she she started like breathing very like labored and no one was really listening to me and taking me seriously and they were like Well, she's just snoring and anyway, I'm not gonna get into all the details because that's just like for me and my family and Anyway obviously Layla was my life my heart my soul I've dreaded this day for so many years for so long And it just really hurts and I've I've had family in town this weekend, which is you know insane But also kind of needed because it's been like a really nice support system and also a bit of a distraction I've been out of the house for the majority of the weekend Just trying to and there's been moments where I feel great and then it just like all hits me at once and It's just really painful especially to be home right now I feel like if I get out of the house, it helps a lot, but it's all off It's honestly just putting off the inevitable. So anyway Um Yeah, I actually think that you know moving forward I probably will I want to just jump back into work because it's something that's gonna distract me and Take my mind off of things, but Layla was Everybody who ever met her loved her her goofy personality and her silly like Looks that she would give and these facial expressions and like her sass and her attitude and Even up until the end of her life when things were really stressful She was so sweet and all the vet techs were just telling us about how much of an angel she was and and how sweet and Yeah I I always wondered like you know, how long she was gonna be in my life. I had I have had so much anxiety When it comes to her health For years and there is a sense of peace that has like washed over me knowing that she doesn't have to suffer anymore and that you know her Pain is completely gone Um but man it sucks and I once heard someone say that Grief is like love with nowhere to go and that's kind of how I feel right now. I just feel like I love her so much And I just wish she was here, but I'm so grateful for the time that I had with her and you know, 12 and a half years And everything that we've been through together and all the places we've lived in the life experiences We've had and I mean, she was always by my side through everything. I was always with her She was my shadow and like truly my soulmate in this life and like any other and Some people may say that that's like silly because she's a dog. I don't care She was the best thing about my life hands down and like literally I mean though all like meaning in the reason that I wanted to get this tattoos because it reminded me of like oh me and Leila That was sort of like what I thought of when I picked it out and Anyway, I will miss her for the rest of my life. Obviously and Yeah This sucks and I just want to let you all know because obviously I Showed a lot of her on my channel and I Know she was really loved by a lot of you and that's just so Leila like that's just literally how it was everyone just fell in love with her and her silly personality and Her just like absolute lack of concern at all She did not give a single fuck what anyone thought about her and I loved that and she was just so sweet Actual perfect angel on earth and wow am I gonna miss her? I mean my entire life You know not having kids She was my child and you know, um, I Don't know what life looks like without Leila. I really don't But I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful for the time that I had with her I know people lose dogs a lot sooner than 12 and a half and sometimes they live longer than that too But I mean, I just feel so fortunate. We literally grew up together like I was 23 years old when I got her and I'm 35 now and I Just feel so lucky to have had her in my life. I just wish it could have been forever and Losing a pet is just so insanely painful and I knew that that um This day would come and I actually kind of knew That something was wrong And I'd yeah, I just had an intuition that she was definitely nearing the end of her life and I was Constantly spiraling about it And I guess it's a relief that that part is over now But man, I wish she was still here and like I really don't like crying on the internet But this is just something that I can't move forward and act normal without talking about and I really do want to just carry on and continue. I feel like right now. I just like can't talk about it too much because it's just so raw and Everyone deals with grief in different ways, but right now. I just kind of need to like talk about it and then just sort of deal with it privately and pretend it's not happening because It's so painful Coming home is so painful. That's why I'm kind of like I'm sitting in my car right now because I Don't know where to sit in my house Like it feels so weird being in there and I'm like smothering move because I'm just like I need to like love on him and anyway that's what's going on and That's life. It's just Dogs are like literal angels and Yeah, if you have a loved one a little furry loved one Um, please give them a hug from me And um, just appreciate the time you do have with them and I know that everyone says that but um, yeah, just wanted to let you know what was happening and um Yeah, I'm gonna try to just go back inside. I I just felt like a wave of grief coming over me And I was like, I think it will help if I talk about it um, it was only a few days ago at the time that I'm filming this so So This is just not how I saw This week going this month going. I mean, I I had a feeling it was gonna be, you know Sometime, I don't know. Anyway, I'm just like talking in circles. I knew it was gonna be um At some point, but it's like you're never ready for that and it just happened so fast um But I'm just so glad she's not suffering anymore. Um But god, I loved her so much and I I god, I hope she knew that. I think she did um And like all my friends started telling my friends and stuff because they're obviously gonna wonder like why i'm not replying and what's going on and um They've all been so sweet and supportive and everyone in our life all of our friends like love layla so much I mean My dad and I have been sobbing my mom and I have been sobbing drew and his mom have been sobbing Like I've been crying off and on all weekend. My brother was here. He was bawling his eyes out like Everyone just loved this dog so much. Like she was just our baby and and my friend group as well like just such a character and Oh, she's like so missed already So anyway That's what's going on with the way was and um Yeah Might take a little beat. I might get back into work. I don't know. We'll see but just wanted to Give you that unfortunate update and I'm sorry for the bad news. Sorry to be a downer but um That's what happened. So anyway I'm gonna go back inside And um this new chapter of life is really weird. It's really weird and um super uncomfortable And I don't know literally what to do with myself at my own house, but This is our new normal and um We're just gonna have to To adjust But it does just feel like the world has a lot less color in it Lately so Anyway Thanks so much for um Thanks so much for listening And for leaving all of your amazing comments about Layla over the last few years and and caring about her Like she's your little internet niece. Um, it means a lot And yeah, I just loved her so much. That's the only that's the last thing I want to say is I just I loved her so much more than anything in the entire world So I'll talk to you soon. Bye