 So today we're gonna talk about what it looks like when a woman chases a man And let me just be clear up front women should never ever ever do this. Do you agree I? Agree, okay, so what's it look like when a woman chases a man? Like what does that look like to me? It's somebody that is Chasing them down texting them all the time trying to trying to get their attention no matter what and You know, I just don't think that's a good look it has nothing to do with max masculine or feminine It's just if a guy did that to me. I wouldn't like feel like that's creepy Yeah, yeah, so okay So a lot of people saw our first video and they thought you chased me down In fact, we got a number of comments from women who said you made all the effort you plan the restaurant You did all the work John you were just in your masculine energy and Jonathan just sat there and let you do all the work now Is that true? Well, I did do some of the work, but it just it's just because it made sense It had nothing to do with you know, I lived in Chicago. I'd rather pick the restaurant than let you pick it I mean now I've heard some people say that you know if you're coming to my town The guy should pick the restaurant because that shows he's masculine He's manly even though he doesn't know which is the best restaurant in town Which has the best food so from your perspective when I suggested hey, can you pick a place for us? What did you think I thought to myself great? I get to pick a place that I want to go to Okay Actually, I think about that and by the way, she picked a great place for our first meeting so so making that effort Isn't chasing when you chose the restaurant. That's not chasing No, okay when you emailed me first on the dating site. Is that chasing someone? No, it's just Putting yourself out there. Yeah, you know, you're just making effort now when our relationship began to progress Did I not make effort in the relationship? Of course you did of course you did By the way, I'm saying this because people saw our previous video and thought that you made all the effort you were in your masculine energy and You know and I and I was really bothered by that because what what they're not Recognizing is the way we interacted with each other was a two-way street You made it you sent me a text message in the morning I sent you a text message in the morning if I called you you called me It was a something I talk about frequently in my coaching is treating it as a two-lane street Well, not only that when I came to I lived in Chicago and I came to Los Angeles and and I contacted him I think that's one of the things that people thought that you blew me off. Okay. Oh, that's right I made a joke out of that. Oh, you blew me off not once but twice. Yeah, but it's you know I came first off. Let me and I'm not interrupting you. I'm just simply saying You caught me at a time where I was in the middle of a work day And I only had a one-hour window to meet you during the day and that was your one Your window was only in the morning and mine was later in the evening. It didn't work for you. Yeah, well and The thing is I wasn't coming to LA to meet him I just happened to be in LA I have two children that live here and I thought hey, I have a friend here Let me contact them see if he wants to meet for coffee. Yeah, so it didn't work out the first time But first two times you came out to Los Angeles, but then a few months later I happened to be coming to Chicago, right and we met by chance Well, no, it wasn't chance. I mean I was officiating a wedding So I mean there was something but it was the fact that you made time for me Which is I want to it's something. I really truly appreciate you made time for me and when we met we hit it off Now here's the thing a lot of times Couples when they meet for the first time, they don't hit it off like you've had plenty of experiences like that You met someone you didn't hit it off with them. Yep Lots of meet and greets. Yeah, did you chase those men down? No, okay Now what about the men that you were really interested in but they weren't interested in you. Did you chase them down? No, okay, why? Because why would I want to waste my time on someone that's not interested. So then why did you make effort with me? What was different? You know what you had depth in your profile. I We had we had conversations maybe okay the first one didn't go as well as I thought it went Oh, by the way, okay, so let's recap that for everyone who's watching this brand new our first phone call I didn't like our first phone call. She talked a note. No disrespect She talked a lot about herself and didn't ask me questions Now I the reason why I'm bringing this up is I hear this from women all the time They're on a first date with a guy and all he does is talk about himself talk about himself Talk about himself and doesn't even have inquires. So can you see why? Yeah, you know that can be a little bit annoying Well, I learned that now but but back in that time I was trying to Just let people know who I was and where I was in my life and what you know What my goals were what my plans were and so I just thought it was my way of letting the other person get to know me You've since learned Oh, by the way now really quickly we were watching a stupid reality show the other day and what did Calvin it's research. It's research. Okay. We do a lot of reality show research What did Calvin pastor say? How do you get to know someone by asking? Personal questions asking where do you see yourself in a couple years? What do you know? What are your plans that would Well, but going to just deep questions not just surface things because surface things are gonna get too very far No, and in fact in our relationship We we shared with the with our with my shared with the YouTube audience Is that we did a three-day deep dive laying our cards on the table asking questions sharing about our lives? Because we didn't want to waste time in the traditional dating sense. In fact, would you say our? our Dating was anything but traditional. Yeah, no, it was not traditional at all actually But it's not it like people think that it really was fast forward. Yes, it was But we did ask a lot of the questions like from day one Yeah, like when we talked on the phone the first time not so much but then afterwards We you know, we just had this friendship going on for so I gave you my laundry List of questions that I teach clients to ask by the way if you want some help Wait, where's the link right there right? There's the link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach Is right for you. I asked you my 16 most important questions that I wanted to answer How did you feel about that? Did that feel like an interview? No because because you lived in LA I lived in Chicago and I I was just listening to your To what your beliefs were and then there was something in there that I went Hmm, you know, it's not that I didn't believe in it. It's just that I had never experienced it so so but didn't that build a level of Connection between the two of us when I'm going beyond the surface of how's your day going right? It did because now I knew I knew a lot more about you Yeah, then but but here again you asked me the questions Yeah, but you were answering the same questions when you were when you were Asking you would ask the question that I wanted the same answer for or I want to know what your answer was to that question Right, right. So it wasn't a one-way thing. So I wasn't being interviewed like he was also Answering the questions on my for me, you know, like okay now, let's turn it around on you So coming back to the reality show we're talking about one of the principles of really getting to know someone is Asking deeper questions. Okay. Now a lot of women get criticized for that as being too masculine is being too aggressive But the end of day, what's the point of dating if you don't want to get to know someone? I mean am I making sense? You are but but then here's the other thing a lot of people are going on these meet and greets with their laundry list of questions Maybe that's not the right time to ask all that stuff. I don't I don't okay So here's what I teach in my coaching I say, you know after you've had keep in mind when you're meeting a total stranger You might want to do what I call the the sniff test You might want to do a FaceTime or a zoom or something just to see if there's mutual attraction and then after that schedule a call and just say hey do you mind if we ask each other some You know kind of serious questions, you know, we can make it fun just to see if we're a good fit So we don't waste time if we meet to find out we completely have different ideologies I think you know a person who would die on the sword for Donald Trump isn't going to get along with someone It would die on the sword for Bernie Sanders. I'm not saying it isn't possible. I'm just saying more likely not I'm using that as a crude example So for me a lot of the the conversations that I would have with people After I spoke with Jonathan, I would have conversations because you know, it took a year to build this relationship Yeah, from the first time we spoke till we actually met it was a year So we had actually dated other people in between because we weren't we were just building a friendship during that time, right? And and so, you know, I started doing the the questioning But I had always kind of done that because I just didn't want to waste my time on people And so even in text messages or emails I would question because You know people present Something and then then when you ask them a question The response will tell you a lot about them. That's exactly at how a person responds now What about when a guy if you ask him a question about his past relationships? I'm curious to hear how you think about this and he says I really don't want to talk about that right now Or this isn't the right time to talk about what would you think of that? Hmm Well, you know what? You don't know this person. So maybe it's not the right time But at some point, you know, now it's going to really come up because if there's a reason why he doesn't want to talk about it For me a huge red flag is somebody that just starts bashing their ex. Yeah It's it's like we're avoiding questions avoiding questions and bashing. I think they're too big red flags Yeah, okay folks everyone knows my rhetoric and you've heard me say this before before the penis goes inside the vagina You do want to do your homework. So the fact that asking questions about a person might seem like an interview But at the same time the reality is is we shouldn't I don't believe it's healthy to waste time with the wrong person Or worse invest in a person who's misaligned to who you are and what you want It can wear on us emotionally when we do that if we allow chemistry to be the ruling factor Why I really got to that part Okay, so one thing you were good at was ruling out people quickly That's not a fair thing to say but well no ruling out So I would you know go out with friends I would go on these meet and greets and stuff and I would meet people and one of the things that I I found very interesting is some of the men that would approach me would be Just the ones that are just think they're all that And I mean full of themselves like me. I'm just kidding No, but you know you guys all know what I'm talking about and then there would be this average guy That would come up and say hey, you know And I'd love to having conversations with men like that because there they weren't It wasn't about The conquest. I didn't feel like I was being hit on I felt like I Someone wanted to get to know me You know so So that you know, I ruled out a lot of those, you know, maybe there were some good guys in there. Who knows but I I didn't like the The guys that Came on way too strong. Okay. So something you just said sparked something in me Is I I've said this now in my coaching be like marie, which you can't stand that I say this But the point is okay What I want to share with everyone something I've known of noticed about marie's past experiences is You never really got down on the dating process She never really got bitter or jaded or angry at the process even the online dating process You always kept kind of a positive mental attitude. Does that feel true? Um, it does feel true um Now I would I did get frustrated. I um, I got overwhelmed at times, but I one of my The ways I healed from my my last relationship Was to travel and so I joined travel groups. I you know, I traveled all over the world and So when I was home It was easy to do meet and greet that filled my time Um, I you know, I would go and I'd see people and I'm retired. So I I was able to do this so um, but it was never a It's not a fun process But okay, it's not fun and yet You have a choice. You can be negative about it or you can be positive about it Yeah, so, you know, so I would be on it for a while and then I you know Hear from a few creeps and it's like, you know wedding and it turned this off for a while. Maybe I'll try a different one now Okay, so so this this this title is all about chasing So I want to share something that you're not prepared for is I prepared a list of things women could consider doing and I want your feedback from it everyone She doesn't know what I'm about to share. This is not prepared. This is not rehearsed I got to put on my trusty glasses and pull up my notes. Let me drink some water for this one Okay, so one of the things I say to do and said and this actually helps a man If when you're with the right guy, this will get a guy to actually invest in you or pursue you So number one instead of focusing on the guy focus on the relationship you want And so in other words focus on the type of relationship you want I think women oftentimes focus on the guy and not the relationship they want So, you know, my narrative was spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest Spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life That leads to either moving in together getting married. That was the type of relationship. I want it I didn't focus on the woman. I focus on the type of relationship. I wanted if a woman does that What are your thoughts on it? well that it does not there are no guarantees in life and Even if you follow all that It may turn out to be a little bit different because us it was a lot different than the stuff you preach Well, but the idea the context was that we spent significant time together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interests Which we do we travel together. So the context was Deciding the time it doesn't matter the amount of time frame you have But it's no knowing what type of relationship you want most of the time I think women focus too much on the guy and not enough on the type of relationship they want You know, I do agree. I do agree a lot of women Some of my friends also I saw this in them or and I use the term friends loosely But I've met a lot of people in my travels and some will just Decide this is the guy and I'm like, well, how do you know that's the guy? Oh my god because you know And I'm like, but you don't even know this guy So I think getting to know someone through knowing what you want helps you better determine if they're a good fit for you Exactly. Okay. So number two. Let's see what I wrote down Instead of expecting a man to prove himself Understand a relationship is a two lane street. You invest and you test you you make effort and see if he meets you with effort I think that's literally what we talked about. Yeah, we did. Yeah, she made effort. I made effort I made effort. She made effort I think the real challenge is with a lot of women is they have the expectation that men make all the effort And I will tell you men at midlife In particular, you know, they're human beings They're have emotional baggage emotional wounds emotional traumas the feeling of not being good enough not being lovable not being likeable So when a woman makes effort, you know, and it doesn't have to be and again, we're not talking about making more effort We're just talking about making effort and seeing if he makes effort That's a better strategy than having the expectation that he has to prove himself and he has to make all the effort You agree. Yeah, I agree. Okay, I agree. I don't Well, remember we talked about givers and takers. Yeah givers and takers Um, I I sometimes feel that there are a lot of women that I have known That it's give me give me give me look at me. Take care of me. Let's go this take me there And I've never been that way because to me it's like that's not fair It's just by the way and and equally there are plenty of men who are takers. They take advantage of women They say they're dating three women at the same time saying I love you. I love you. I love you And I may break up with all three about the tv show Okay, so that's number two number three Show him you're playful and a flirty person. This is so lacking in women today. Okay, so this is my perception I want your thoughts on this because You're a fun playful flirty person, but I can tell you a lot of women could be resting bitch face You know what I'm talking about but I'm Maya on the tv show I Well, that's how I've been even with women. So it's not just with men Yeah Well, because I think you take on that attitude that I talked about before is you can take on an attitude Of hey, you know what dating might be a pain in the butt But it's you can make it fun too if you approach it Like when you used to go to the bar every monday night trying to get when the uh, what was it? Christian Louboutin shoes you you went in with a fun playful attitude You didn't go in with a I expect to meet a man Nor did you expect that you know instead of the attitude that all men are assholes No, and I think that's one of the things that plague a lot of women today. That's just my perception Yeah, um, and okay, so when I first became single I didn't know how to be single I didn't know about dating apps. It was it was a tough You know learning experience and what my girlfriend's Sonia said to me is you got to be in the game. Otherwise you can't complain And I'm like, what do you mean be in the game? And she started they set up my profiles and and it was it was a learning experience that So after a week I said, okay, wait, I can't do this every day Well, you know, I've said something to a client today You know love is a risk But it's still the best game in town. So you have a choice you can approach it with You know a sense of positive mental attitude or you can approach it with a negative mental attitude Or neutral I guess is another one. Okay. Let's see what else I wrote here. Oh Independent self-love. Okay. So what it says is this isn't about giving men space. This is about having your own life Instead of a lot of women approach the process as well as men is I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself You know that rhetoric I say, okay. So having independent self-love. What does that mean to you? Well, what does it mean to me? It just is part of who I am. So I don't um Well, I think it means not giving your power away. I have my kids. I have my I have grandchildren and I like You know going to Chicago on my own to go see my kids and and that's that's part of my own making your my own life So what I think what what I'm trying to say is it's not making the man Or the other person the center of your reality You have your you have the center of your life and this person is a part of it the minute We make the other person the center of our reality Then we're giving our power away. We'll feel like chasing and it will rebuff a person So when you have your own autonomy when you have your own sovereignty That actually is more attractive and that's one of the things that attracted me to you You weren't a pushover type. You weren't this I mean you weren't But you also weren't rigid and you weren't resting bitch face either This gorgeous face here. Okay. Last you might look better when I smile. That's why I smile Okay, last but not least vulnerability creates emotional connection and let me give an example I'm thinking of my best friend Jeff who When he was in relationship with a woman who led with vulnerability She led with her feelings. It actually created a door For him to open up emotionally Now not all men can do this a lot of men will retreat they're they're emotionally unavailable But wouldn't you say that by at least using me as an example you've noticed that I'm very vulnerable I'm authentic and I transparent doesn't that even help you open up more by being that? Absolutely. And and here's the other thing as women Generally were more open to this stuff. I'm a little more guarded Than Jonathan here But but you know I dated somebody that great guy But when I would say, okay, where's this going? What are we doing? Oh, we need to take the slow Okay, well I mean that was a turnoff for you. It was because it's like, well, what does that mean? No, I don't I don't know where to go from here So not every man is capable of going there But my recommendation is go there anyway Because the right guy that's is that can meet you emotionally You know, ultimately a relationship boils down to I think one of the fundamental Importance of relationship is intimacy that feeling of that feeling of calm that feeling of trust that feeling of just I enjoy this person's company You know, we were to feel safe feel safe. Yeah, that doesn't happen by talking about how's your day going? Where's you know, what'd you do today? It happens through vulnerability authenticity and transparency So these are some of the ways I'm recommending that you approach this process and I had my beloved on here marie Share this with us. So guess what's next? I don't know Q&A time All right, folks now it's your chance to ask us some questions So if you're not familiar with my format if you have a question for us write the word question in the little chat box And then post your question there after or you can use the little dollar sign there To purchase the super sticker super chat all the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund In the name of my son Conor as well. You can see him right You can see him right back there He's my son who passed away a few years ago in his honor We are all the monies that come from the super stickers go to charities like the hoffman process and insight institute Just name a few by the way, they're not charities. They're nonprofit groups. All right. So let's see what kind of Have you even been reading this as we've been going along? I haven't even looked at what's going to see that far Oh, someone just said marie. You are just jopted gorgeous. Whether you smile or not. Oh, thank you. That's really sweet. Thank you All right, let's see if we have any question. Oh, here we go. Here's a question question Jonathan do you have a friend or brother? I need emotional available Yes, I have a brother. He's been married for 20 years and I think All my guy friends are taken now Is there anyone that's not taken no all the guy friends I have are all taken So I'm sorry about that. I I now I guess I hang out in couples groups So but thank you for that question. Hillary appreciate it. See if we have any other questions Uh Yeah, wow, we're gonna have to come back and read all these all right if you have a oh here we go roller girl question Do you argue and make up fairly quickly? Do you argue a makeup? So this is gonna sound really really weird because We don't really argue. Yeah. Okay. So all right folks. We've I think officially been together nine months Yeah, and we've been living together four months so We haven't had one significant argument in that time and we were just talking about that we we We haven't had an argument and yet when we've had a couple disagreements I think one of the things we established because we practice radical honesty right from the gecko And we started with laying our cards on the table I think we developed really early on The sense the the communication skills to be able to speak freely with one another. I think I I know you've in the past told me you've been reluctant to share With someone because you didn't feel safe With them, but we built that very early on with real deep communication right from the gecko. Well, our You know, I just I gotta be earlier while you're talking I believe that if you are able to A communication it just comes down to communication like white To grown people. Why can't they just have a conversation? Oh, okay, and then you you come to an agreement as to what It is Okay, so people say the word communication Okay Communication is again, I always think it's vulnerability authenticity transparency In fact, one of the things that impressed me about you Was you're almost a little too transparent If she always says don't ask me a question You don't want to know the answer to because she'll tell me exactly how she feels I think it's kind of like the first chapter in my book Speak your truth do it with kindness and I think that's how we approach communication with one another And because of that we haven't had we haven't had a real big argument. I and I'm like, I'm waiting for that day Well, when I say I'm waiting for that day I'm fearful that that will happen. I hope we can just navigate it well together I you know I'm a pretty easygoing person So there's not a lot of stuff that Okay, that's one thing I will agree. This is why act like Marie. She is very easy going I just don't wait. I just don't want to fall in the toilet Okay, we got that established. All right. Thank you so much for that question. Uh roller girl. I appreciate that All right, let's see what else you have um What sign are you marie? I'm a joan. I duality. Okay Uh, let's see question Question I have only offered to pay a few times and have never accepted So I stopped offer is offering bad. All right. Can I answer this? Yes, you answer that question Okay, so that when he gave me his list over the phone of all the expectations My question is questions Well about um, who pays for a date? Oh, yeah, yeah, okay And and I'm like, well the guy pays for the date I mean that's the way it's always been in my life And he's like really and so he gave me all his explanations Why and it made sense, you know, if you go out with friends you split it. Why not, right? So, um Wait, wait, wait since I'll let you finish but I want to share a story since I I met jonathan when I would go on meet and greets. I would I would offer to pay, you know, usually it was just coffee or a glass of wine so it's not like I would never commit to a big dinner or anything, but um, There was a gentleman that invited me out a few times and You know, he didn't have a lot of money a big job or anything and And I you know, I really had to think about it because I didn't want to offend him in any way because he'd taken care of everything before So I asked him would you be offended if um, you if I took care of this dinner I really would like to treat for for dinner and he said thank you that would be very nice And it was like, oh, okay, that works So I just didn't want to make him feel like I thought he couldn't afford it or something So I want to clarify when she said she met me she met when we first communicated Okay, I just want everyone because we had dated other people before we met So everyone I want you to hear this story because this is what I shared with marie I shared the story of a first date I had Where I picked up the first round of drinks and it was time for the second round of drinks And she reaches over to hand her credit card to the bartender and I said I've got it And she goes no, I've got it and I said no, I've got it and she goes I've got it So some people would say she was in her masculine energy time to take control But what she did next blew me away She put her hand on my arm and said jonathan I really appreciated you treated for that first round of drinks Will you allow me to show my appreciation and treat the next round? Can you receive? And what happened in that moment was I thought this is a woman who acts like a partner And I shared that story with you and I think ever since sharing that story You started to see dating in a different venue and it's not Listen most men are going to treat the first second third fourth fifth dates That's just the way most men are But it demonstrates when a woman actually makes an investment in the process We view you differently And only a controlling guy is going to view you You know only someone who's a controlling a narcissist or a You know an alpha male is going to have an issue with that Yeah, um That's my thoughts anyway well, I just I started realizing that I didn't want anyone to feel that they were being taken advantage of and Especially when there was zero connection And you know they came out you met and and they still want to pay and it's like, you know My I I never let things go past that and I would say look, you know, you're a great guy. Thank you for for you know for coming by but I don't think we're really a good match, but I really enjoyed, you know getting to know you Okay, so since okay in our relationship, how do we handle money? We just do Do I pay for everything? No, okay So we actually had a very serious money conversation very early on when we decided that we were going to explore our relationship together Because we knew there there was going to be initially some travel together and eventually when we chose to move in together Given that money is the second most common reason for divorce I think having a real serious conversation about how the utilization of money is handled in a relationship Yeah, I don't want to say it can make or break a relationship, but it's almost a necessity Oh, absolutely. Well, again, you go back to communication if you don't communicate about how you're going to handle You're going to move in with somebody and you haven't talked about finances like our friends Some people we know that they just They haven't had that conversation and they've been together. What six months. Yeah Six months and she's very upset that he Makes her pay half of everything and he's the one Anyway, let's talk into that particular point is we're talking about it's important to have conversations about money Okay. Anyway, let's keep going here Uh question Have you two before you met ever been in a long distance relationship before? Yes Yeah, and me too. Yes. Yes. Okay, mine ended in marriage. Okay, so Yeah, so my feeling is this about long distance But the thing is in your particular long distance relationship It started off kind of as a friendship to begin with then it started to morph into that After a little while, but there was eventually a plan That the two of you had in our relationship We began long distance with an understanding that we wouldn't do this for very long term Unless we had a plan and that we chose to live together I kind of yeah, I also had the plan On my own that I was going to leave Chicago and move here. Anyway, um, so it was, you know It was going to be here. It was going to be Florida. So this just kind of nudged me in this direction. So and by the way, yes I had a previous long distance relationship and then didn't work out because We couldn't really build the deep roots of trust because You know when you're far apart, it's hard to do the activities Needed to really build a relationship together. Well, it doesn't even have to be long distance as in far Sometimes one you could live in the same State in the one hour drive and that could be long That's one of the things that The gentleman that said we're going to take this slow But you know when you see each other once every two weeks, that's kind of hard to make it work. Okay. Great question All right. Uh, let's see. What else we have here Gates says wow no arguments in nine months. No, I mean it's kind of surprising to us too. So Okay, share. I'll ask question Jonathan as you notice things about marie that made you feel uncertain How did you decide what to bring up and what to accept wabi-sabi style? Okay, you might not be I don't know wabi-sabi love is like the appreciating it's like Wabi-sabi is the japanese term of looking at something that's imperfect and seeing the perfection in it So it's kind of like the harry met sally. Okay. Okay. So What what what's the question again? Well the thing okay Well, we'll talk about one of things I don't want to say that bugs me But one of the things we we've talked about before as you talk in Stories and sometimes you meander in your stories. Okay Well, I'm I have a blessing and a curse of a photographic memory Photographic long-term memory not short-term. Um, and so I yeah, I like to put in every single detail I remember from 40 years ago. Okay, so I have learned to appreciate This is part of your personality now. We shared earlier in our previous video. You thought I was exhausting Yeah, I thought he was very exhausting and why did you think I was exhausting? Because being a dating or relationship coach Which I didn't even know what that was to be honest, you know, I don't know what he did um, he You know, I would say something and he'd say well, let's unpack that And I'd be like what? Okay, let's unpack it. Okay. How do you feel about that now in our relationship? Well, that's part of our communication We I just learned to unpack stuff. Yeah, so what we've learned is we what might have been I want to use the word an annoyance, but you know, but we'll call it a little bit of annoyance in the beginning What we've learned is to appreciate each other's differences our uniqueness. It's our it's actually It's the part of you that I I actually Like harry met sally. She was annoying when she ordered food But at the end of the day harry fell in love with sally because of the way she ordered food You know, it's those things that actually bring flavor to a relationship and not all those places where you're Identical with one another at least that's my well. I also get the privilege of listening to his coaching um, you know the one side of it the coaching Sessions and some of them are Are pretty funny. I just think they're pretty funny. Well, I think what she's talking about you're entertaining Well, because I like to use humor. I like to use movies to illustrate points. I think one of the things I've noticed The reality is is it's tough to meet people. There's no doubt about it. It's I mean finding what we have I'm gonna say is rare We do have something special And yet I think the common thread that I Hope to impart on people is to have that that mindset Of approaching it, you know, you can approach it with fun or you can approach it with disdain You can you know, you can look at men It's being bad people or you can say most men are good guys. They're just bad daters to give an example But most importantly what I help women do Is help them rewire their brain. So their intuition is doing all the work with you Everything happened in place for us because your intuition was doing the driving and not your checklist if you will Does that make sense? Yes. No, that makes absolute sense. Um, I think um Same single for a long time I think was the right thing for me because it gave me a chance to to heal and to learn about myself and you know, I Look, I wasn't going to put up with nonsense from from people You know, I I got a you know, if I got a text that was disrespectful You know block delete. That's it. You know, but you didn't hold on to it You didn't make that I get so you hear some of my calls Some women are holding out on like every guy that you know One guy who sends a dick pic and the next thing and all all men are assholes kind of thing You didn't do that. You didn't hold one guy accountable for all men. No, no, you cannot do that I have never held one man accountable for another man's actions. Okay That's not fair. Well, thank you for your question. Cheryl. Let's see what we have here and says I must have missed it. What do you do instead of chasing him? Well, really quickly you focus on the type of relationship you want and not the guy Instead of expecting a man to prove himself you treat the relationship as a two-lane street You show him that you're a fun playful flirty person You have independence and self-love and lastly a mo a vulnerability Will actually open up the door to deeper intimacy in a relationship. So that's what you do and said All right, let's keep oh, I want to thank my healing journey for the five dollar night six nine cents super sticker Thank you so much There a question. When did each of you feel the chemistry and could you both describe what it felt like for each other? You want to go first you want me to go first Well for me when we spent our three days together Um, I wasn't going to waste more than three days So in those three days, I thought okay, this has potential He's a really great man with a great heart and let me see and Was it chemistry? Like look, it's hard to meet a good man Thank you. It is it is and he's a great guy. Oh, thank you, sweetheart So, okay. Well the minute I saw Marie. I mean she's first off everyone knows she's gorgeous Um, but chemistry for me with you It wasn't there there's the physical attraction piece that I felt I think we both had physical attraction for each other the first time we met Right, but I but I had no expectation and but there's a difference between physical attraction and chemistry I think chemistry is really at least for me Is more of an energetic connection that to me is chemistry when you feel an energetic connection with a person along with physical attraction so physical like Look, I know I'm not, you know, George Clooney or Brad Pitt or whoever you might be the flavor of the week or whatever But I think you were attracted enough with me, correct It was a very long date Okay, thank you. Okay with that said though the energetic connection came Through our vulnerability with each other it came by being Listen, I know it's hard to meet people who are genuinely vulnerable authentic and transparent. I get that At the end of the day, that's how intimacy is built and through that I think our energetic connection was formed and okay quick question for I want to share with everyone The other day I said what's your favorite part about our relationship? Hanging out together hanging out together You know, we both said that that literally at the same time and you also said it feels safe and peaceful Yeah, you know morning coffee. We sit on on the couch and just But the part but hanging out together You know, it's funny a lot of people argue that you shouldn't have dates hanging out You should be you should take you out to dinner. It should be fancy. It should be romantic But truly getting to know someone is when you can just hang out with them and you joy each other's company Sometimes sometimes going out for us is putting on What is it that bar jazz? Oh, yeah, we have this youtube video. That's a bar jazz Bar scene we put that out. We make a cosmo and that's us going out for the night Because we just like but ultimately why I'm sharing this with you Is when you can really just enjoy someone's company That's when you know that's to me is the essence of chemistry when you just like being with them Anyway, that's my two cents on that one. Thank you my healing journey for the six dollar nine nine set super sticker All right. Let's see what other questions we have Question from wanda Can you form more wait? Can you form more than friends after you start out as friends if they aren't you're tight physically? I like slender guys. He's not What are your thoughts? Okay, my Yes I think you can um I know every situation is different But one of my relationships. I was not attracted to him at all But the more I got to know him the more attractive he became To me. So I believe that um If you really like that that person Then you know, give it a chance so Over one third of the women who are in happy relationships who I've interviewed over the years have said to me and I quote I wasn't attracted to my guy on the first second or third day But something changed Women tend men tend to fall in love through their eyes, you know, we're visual creatures I've heard that women tend to fall in love between their ears It's a man's heart that can actually Endear you to another person and I think we have to be careful at midlife About our type because I think a lot of people at midlife in their 50s and 60s They're dating with 20 year old eyes They're expecting the 20 year old version of the person Instead of recognizing that most people in their 50s and 60s are a little bit out of shape and losing their hair and You know a little bit droopy. So I don't know your thoughts on that Yeah, there are a lot of unrealistic expectations. I went to a um a match.com mixer one time and they were and I just I was Literally there 10 minutes Because these women started coming up to me and we were talking about all these men That was the man. Yeah. Yeah, the man haters and you know, I was like, oh, okay And oh, yeah, and you don't if you ever see this guy you ever see that guy and I and Immediately I said I want no part of this and I said excuse myself to go to restroom and never went back Um, so yeah so Wait, what was the question? See, I went into my own story. I got caught up in that. What was that question? Uh, now I don't even remember. Oh, well, I'm sorry about that. Let's go to what was the question being attracted to someone Oh being attracted to someone. So is that it? Yeah, that was so the point is I I think Listen, you gotta give guys a chance And but and at the same time look at these got a beer gut the size of Texas and he's missing all of his teeth You might go, okay. I get it. You might not want to kiss them But you know what a good person of good character Means a lot more in the long run than whether or not they're slender Or you know, they've got a full head of hair Anyways, because we all are going to age whether we like it or not We're gonna be sagging at some point And guess, you know, and it goes both ways Men think they look fabulous for their age and women think they look fabulous for their age and then You know, sometimes you meet in person. It's like, yeah, we don't look as good All right, let's keep going here. All right, Laurie writes. Hey, how you doing? Question my boyfriend flirts with other women in front of me. I think it's disrespectful He thinks I'm being insecure. What are your thoughts on men who flirt with other women in front of their partner? All right, one of your thoughts me. Yeah That's not a red flag. It's a banner All right, but I we watch tv and I appreciate women's looks. How is that different? Okay, but if it's a disrespectful type of flirting Oh, okay. Yeah, she's feeling disrespected. Yeah, then he's got to listen to that. Got it Got it. Got it. That's a good. Oh, like I'll point out a good-looking girl. I'm like, hey, did you see her? Okay, so what your boyfriend is doing is not cool It's disrespectful and it probably has there's something probably deeper in your relationship that's missing Because when a guy genuinely at least I'm speaking for myself like I think you're the most gorgeous woman on the planet Oh And and yet there are beautiful women out there. I'm not seeing but you know what? That's how I feel with my partner every single day. And so Something's not right in this relationship. That's probably a symptom of it And I'd want to explore why that's happening because that's not cool to be disrespectful But if he's telling you you're insecure because oh, yeah, that's a good because of his actions He's not listening to what's really happening because you could easily go God, yeah, she was really cute too. I I thought she was cute and that might even ruffle his feathers I think some men like to do that because it makes them feel empowered Well, that's also a gas lighting technique to say, you know, you're being insecure. He's deflecting it. Yeah So that's not cool. Okay. Good point. Thank you so much for sharing that All right. What else we have rua says question Have you ever been in a long distance relationship before? Have you ever met each other and both gorgeous couple? Yeah, we talked about that before. Thank you so much. Leah question For marie seems like jonathan interrupts you a lot. Do you get annoyed when he acts bossy with you? Yeah, that's it just is what it is. Do you feel like i'm interrupting you? Well, I yeah Oh But it's not I mean Well, I think the hard part i've never done this. I've never done this. I've never been on youtube stuff and And you're live right now. I know I think the hard part i'm gonna be candid with everyone I think the hard part for me is i'm used to recording, you know, sometimes a one hour video me doing all the talking and And I i'm looking at myself in the camera going when i'm not talking. I don't like the way I look So anyway, but I appreciate that and I will endeavor to be more mindful if I interrupt you Okay, thank you, sweetheart. Thank you for your comment there. All right. Let's see what question rosie writes question What if your partner disappears instead of talking about what happened and how can we fix what's going on? Oh, we saw that on one show recently what happened Where the girl just took off instead of wanting to Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he was being just he was dissing her too Here's the thing in a good healthy relationship There might be a need to have a cooling off period because there's gonna be times where you like you're not in the mood To have a conversation because you might be triggered in that moment At the same time that shouldn't be lasting four or five days, you know, that could be a short period of time I think having a cooling off period might be necessary in some cases But ultimately I think when you are in a relationship that's built on a foundation of trust of shared values of blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity I think what's most important is when there is I don't want to even use the word a conflict, but I'll say the word conflict Is being able to communicate with each other like from a place of neutral ground Not from a place of I'm right. You're wrong Like when we even when we have like tiny little disagreements and again, we don't argue, but we've had a couple things It's more like It's like it's not that I'm right or you're right. It's like how can we get to a resolution? Does that is that feel true? look as the way I I believe it to be is as long as there's mutual respect then then you can resolve something if there's no respect and someone's Really not behaving the way a good partner Should behave and I and who am I to say what a good partner is, but you know, you can't expect To resolve something if you're not willing to to give as well So you just said something key mutual respect You know, I've talked about this before and I'd like to think we have that with one another But respect along with I always look out for your best interest and you're looking out for my best interest I really want to emphasize this for a moment It's really when you're with somebody who says i'm looking out for your best interest That is a foundational piece for building trust And that is a foundation of mutual respect relationships that operate from a place of See a lot of people we're talking about takers and givers You know when you're a taker it's what i'm trying to take from the relationship instead of operating I think you and I operate is like what can I give? No, what can I give? No, what can I give? We're always in a giving mode And I think the healthier relationships are with two givers But also two people that can receive as well. Some people can't receive So one of I remember in in my dating profile One of my lines was that I I wanted to meet I wanted a deeply connected relationship that would lead to mutual trust and admiration and You know, I I think we have that. Yeah, yeah So you you manifest through what you wanted Okay, okay. All right, let's keep you read my profile. She had a great by the way now one Okay, I want to say this What I appreciate most about marie is she had a fantastic profile. She had quality photographs of herself I mean she had 40 of them. Okay But a lot of them were all her trips in the places she went but they were fantastic photographs We've got to have the Taj Mahal and then Okay No, but I see how many men's profiles. Did you see that had terrible photographs? Oh my gosh the the Certless holding the fish to me that wasn't and that you know, maybe they were good guys But that turned me off and it was okay And how many women's profiles have I shown you where their boobs are practically hanging out and they're selling sex? Or it's a terrible representation because they got the duck lips or the you know, they've got the snapchat crap all over their Filters on their profiles men do too like men, you know, like I got catfished with A guy that was really slim and it turns out he was huge But I still had a glass of wine with them because I didn't have the heart to let him walk Okay, so but the point is a quality profile and what's Okay, what saddens me today is 97 of dating profiles are crap. So 97 of the women I'm talking to right now You probably have a crappy profile Having a quality profile Improves your chances of meeting a guy or gal that is I don't want to use the word quality themselves But it probably a better match for you because a You won't be going out with someone who isn't going to feel like they're misrepresented We talked about the you know, we've talked about where one photograph is good and all the rest are crappy And you're hoping that they look as good as the good one and they don't they look like all the crappy But but the truth is I did that and I a lot of people do that There are 40 pictures and they'll pick the one picture and they'll say this is what the person looks like And then the person shows up and they don't look like that picture And you're disappointed because the expectation is that's what they were going to look like When in fact they look like all the other ones that weren't retouched Now here's the thing we could say that there's a judgment to say, you know, give a person a chance It doesn't matter But the point I'm making is simply put a quality representation of yourself and you're going to get better results That's all and you had a great one Okay, let's see what else we have here Uh Okay, here's one for you I started it yesterday Okay, what's okay. What debba is talking about our fan debba and by the way debba we talk about you a lot That's debba. Hi debba I'm not amber heard. I promise you that Uh, so, uh, marie. I gave marie my book for her birthday, which was like five months ago or so No, it was when we I gave you my Oh, that's oh, that's no, but it was your birthday, but it was my birthday. Okay. Yeah, and she just started reading it So thank you, sweetheart Uh, kelly asked one bank account for the house. No, we have separate bank accounts Okay, so some people have made a uh, they okay, I'm gonna throw I'm gonna throw a curve ball at you. Some people have said if I really value you I'd ask you to be my wife Uh, what is your comment to those who have said that? Okay, first of all, I don't I don't need to be married to feel that valued That's would be my first answer Uh, we've talked about it. Um, I just don't think that it's the right time for me and But have I expressed a strong interest? Oh, yeah Remember he's exhausting I'm crazy about this person. Of course. I want to go the distance with you and that's how I feel So to answer those who have brought up that question Listen, she doesn't need she doesn't need the ring to feel valued But I want you to know that's how I I feel strongly enough that I want us to get there at some point Yes, and I had decided before we met that I just I didn't need to get married again. So I Just wasn't going to so I'm still not Not off of that. Okay. Well, oh, oh and by the way for the person I said I would wear her down I meant it as a joke, but I I'm gonna wear you down All right, let's see what else we have we're gonna wrap up in a few minutes uh Annie says what part of chicago are you from lake forest? Okay Isn't that the hoity-toity part of town? Yeah, but I live downtown. I love downtown chicago Chicago is a great city Just can't stand the weather Oh, thank you. Thank you, michelle. All right. Catherine says this might be our last question for the evening All right question for both of you What do you think are the most important things you did to prepare yourself for the amazing relationship? Especially for those of us who are currently not in one great question. Do you mind if I go first on this one? Go ahead so After my most significant. Okay, so I was married once before and had a significant relationship And after that significant relationship ended I really did an inward journey of like, you know, what's Not why did this relationship not work out? But really What do I need to be to become a good partner for someone? And so I had done the Hoffman process, which is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds I did the insight seminars I do believe losing connor and writing the book. What the heck right? Where's the book? Oh, right. Here it is Here's my book. What the heck a self love anyway a journey of personal development self up in spiritual work There's a link below. I got to do a plug for my book. I feel like all of that catharsis work prepared me to Our relationship and even though we had connected a year earlier I don't think I was quite ready yet Because I had more healing to do from my past And certainly, you know losing my son. I I really did more of an inward journey for myself and um So that prepared me Most importantly, I think it prepared me to be more Patient to be more understanding to be a better listener all of those things All of those things helped prepare me for our relationship. What about you? um well um, I did a lot of personal development myself too, so I I did I don't want to name a lot. I've done quite a bit and after I got uh divorce I did do this program called the naked divorce, which was amazing And that helped me and I realized that I needed to spend Because I had been married my whole life and I just needed to spend Time alone and learning to be alone because it was the scariest thing for me so um, so I that's when I decided I'm going to travel alone and I spent You know my first time I spent six weeks in europe and in asia and So then I met people along the way and I started doing more of that and that became part of my healing journey of just meeting people In fact at one point someone told me that I should that I should write a book on How that healed me from kind of an e-pray love Yeah, it was it was kind of that in fact I wanted to go live in in italy But my first grandson was born and so I couldn't say so you said something that prompted something that I wanted to share I think the other piece I learned during that time You know before I met you was learning to enjoy my own company That's kind of what I remember you shared with me was I think it's really important to when you can actually just enjoy your own company And you just feel like you know what I'm okay. Whether I made it or not Being made it is better, but I mean I like it But I'm okay. Whether or not and I think that's one of the things that happened for both of us And so in some ways this relationship happened when we didn't expect it Well, I think covet also changed a lot. Oh, that's true, too Coven made us all be home a lot and then you got to the point where it would be nice to have somebody That's a good point too. So um Anyway, I think that's where so to answer your question Who was that? Catherine I hope that answers are you going to address the video from New Year's? Oh, okay. All right. This will be where we're going to wrap up first up before we do. I want to thank Really quickly. Where is it? I see a ten dollar super sticker. I just want to acknowledge that Ah, it's okay. Here we go. I want to acknowledge kelly. Thanks for the ten dollar super sticker Thank you both for sharing and answering all your questions. Okay, so we're going to wrap up with our New Year's Eve video that I shared which was one minute and 22 seconds long And we got a number of comments on that Okay, it was New Year's Eve And I've had You know, I'm I'm a lightweight So I don't know. I had two maybe three cocktails cocktails. Yeah, and I'm sitting on a piano So I made it very easy because we were standing there for a long time And he starts shooting a video Now mind you when my friends grab their camera. It's just for us. It's not I didn't think this video was going to be posted Nor was I even thinking that he was videotaping and so what what happened in the video In the video well as soon as we did the countdown and as soon as We said happy new year. He we're watching We're trying to watch the balloons coming down that they had a malfunction and the balloons didn't fall And so then he's filming and I went to kiss him and then I stuck my tongue At him and I and we got comments. We got so many comments. Like, oh my gosh I'm disrespectful and I'm not professional And I'm like, okay, come on loosen up people. It's New Year's Eve. We've had a few drinks. We had a great time and The reason I had done that in the past is because I don't want my lipstick to ruin Okay, so I want to confess something. I mean, I told you this already So number one It's been almost a decade since but it feels like it's been almost a decade since I've had I've been with someone on New Year's Eve Okay and And I completely forgot about a new year's eve kiss So when I was recording the when I was recording the New Year's Eve It was because I kind of wanted to memorialize this we're on a cruise ship. We're having a good time We've been standing in this one spot for like what seemed like three hours Which was over an hour and you sat up on the piano But most importantly I was videotaping because I wanted to see the balloons come down from behind us So some people criticize that I didn't immediately kiss her It's because I completely forgot about it We were just so enthralled with having a good time and yes, I was memorializing it and what she didn't expect was I'm like, oh shit. Let's just throw this up on youtube So those were some of the comments and criticisms And live and learn in this world of jonathan asley that anytime there's a camera rolling that It might show up on youtube All right, we'll listen sweet art I want to thank you for sharing with our my audience will now be your audience too Hopefully uh a little bit about what we talked about originally about chasing people but really more importantly the I think is important to invest in in each other Learning how to be vulnerable with each other learning how to Enjoy your own company being in your self worth your self esteem your self love peace And remember not to give your power away to anyone be yourself Do not try to be somebody you're not do not try to Impress people just be yourself Okay, well i'm in a hundred percent agreement that can we give each other a little kiss? I don't i'm sorry if that offended anyone All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up I want to thank so many lovely folks who have been on here I want to thank harina and annie and michelle and alana and kate and lucy and roller girl and of course debora and uh And stephanie and martha and kate and lifestyle And let's see arena everyone. Thank you so much for being on tonight. I hope you enjoyed what we share I hope you got value from what I shared and i'm going to wrap up this video a little bit different than I normally do I'm going to give you a big gigantic jonathan bear hug if I can get one back And i'm going to give everyone else a big hug as well. Have a wonderful evening my everyone