 It was a day like any other at the Foundation until SCP-999 discovered its candy bowl empty. It was on that day 999 began. It's Villanark. Yes, my child, rise, rise! The object bears striking similarities to SCP-6554, the anomalous gachapon machine, even down to being full of human eyes. 6554 did not throw limbs and try to unalive me, though, so some variation. We're going to a candy store? No, it's night time. Candy stores are closed. Are you going to rob a candy store? Ugh, no. SCP-2700-EX is by far my highest rated work on the SCP Wiki for a couple easy to understand reasons. First and foremost, they say write what you know, and I was personally going through a similar situation, not in the driver's seat of all hell going bad to me, but on the sidelines like my protagonist, and so the feeling of helplessness as you go through the situation, which I will not spoil, go read the article, all of the link is in my bio. I had the feelings and other people could see those feelings on paper, so I succeeded at least at that. Secondly, I opened with this blurb because a couple people didn't understand what the story was about initially, and when I clued them in with this opening blurb, I accidentally fell into hitch cocks, tell them there's a bomb under the table for suspense. I said, this document is fraudulent and the writer is on trial with the ethics committee. What could that be about? Well, that hooks readers in real quick, they want to know what the mystery is. So, go give 2700-EX a read. Thank you very much. Here you go. Holy shit, look at all that meat. We don't need to run any more tests. It's not that complicated. It wants to see your ticket, show it your ticket, and it will stop doing this. It's gross. It's making a mess. No, it touched me. No. Welcome to Barnes & Nails. Anomalous statues are shockingly common. The one that unlines you if you don't look at it. The one that jumpscares you if you don't look at it. The one that shoots a pigeon so they don't poop on it. Oh, and the one that wants you to put your... Redacted. ...in it. Please, Dr. Sherman, open the cat-made white food dimension. I promise I won't find them annoying. Liar. I have a variety of respiratory issues that have been the last two years just a delight. But I just had a coughing fit, as I want to do, and at the end of it, I heard a distinct digital tone, and then kind of saw a grid in my vision. So I want to try something really quick. Dr. Sherman, if you're there. Yes, subject, Nick. Um, is there a number for the SCP I just experienced? It's one of the many 001 proposals that may or may not be the real one. Okay. That makes sense. And I can communicate you via a pre-recorded duet because... You say duet, I say time loop you don't remember because they amnestics. That's upsetting. Yeah. All right. Thank you for your time. See you in 20 seconds. Where should we send the Mobile Task Forces? I don't know, Steve. How about the Scarlet King's Laser Pointer? This was supposed to be a routine containment. You call this under control? Some little backroom's exploration tip. The elevators are hungry. There you go, Nick. Yeah, it's gonna take me a second to reach you and help you with your problem. What's more important than fixing the SRAs? I'm just trying not to die. That's the Spanish guy. Pear, what is it this time? I hope you had fun with your little multiverse of Markiplier madness in space. Because now Mark is possessed by Cthulhu. And the situation is a polygon. Stop it. Stop it. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. No fraternizing with the anomalies. And why did the interns keep calling me daddy? Hello? Hey, what's up? I need your help. Can you come here? I can't. I can't come over here. I can't find them. What do you mean you can't find them? I can't find them. There's only soup. What do you mean there's only soup? It means there's only soup. Well then get out of this soup aisle. All right. You don't have to shout at me. There's more soup. What do you mean there's more soup? There's just more soup. Go into the next aisle. There's still soup. Where are you right now? I'm at soup. What do you mean you're at soup? I mean I'm at soup. What store are you in? I'm at the soup store. Why are you buying clothes at the soup store? I'm at the soup store. Fuck you. Being immersed in SCP has been known to cause vivid hallucinations as well as the sensation of looping time. SCP is an animate doll composed of flexible rubber materials created by Dr. Wondertainment. Its sole purpose is to travel towards sources of music and convince people to dance. Those who accept will be unable to stop dancing even in the face of physical injury, exhaustion, starvation, dehydration, or death. Were none of you going to tell me that Markiplier went full of the stores now closed, please exit the building? I'll call 3008. Tell him we got a new one coming. You just put him in a bag or something. This again? You know it's against regulation to fraternize with the anomalies. 294? What kind of liquid do you want it to dispense? The back rooms has signs now. Well, that sign won't stop that D-Class because they can't read. Oh, they could read when they joined the D-Class program. But they were first brought in through the counter-mimetic division, and sometimes they amnesticize your reading center to protect you from certain anomalies. You're bad at listening. No, they're bad at reading. That's the joke. I bet your mom hated you. Are the signs psychic? This D-Class did have a bad childhood. I'm starting to get a little worried. Damn, you're annoying. Wait, are they talking to us? No, behind you. But why did the D-Class turn around? The D-Class can't read. Is this for us? I hope you're taking notes. Made you look lull. I'm so confused. So what's happening here? What's it say? You're done? Oh! Oftentimes, foundation researchers get the urge to leave the facility for ridiculous reasons, such as vacations, family emergencies, or to touch some grass. But that sort of behavior leads to security reaches and losses of productivity. So our automated transport devices nip that in the bud. I bought the bulls back right in the morning. You can jump in now. What the... Oh! Oh no, you do not recognize the bodies in the... Wait. Oh, this is just Florida. I think this test makes me the angriest. The tree has an eye so the tree can see. The eye has a door so the tree can enter, exit, and see. The eye can become a skull. You can become a skull, but you still won't scream! Concept. In space with Markiplier, but it's not on a spaceship, it's in an SCP containment facility during a breach. Work with the doctors like Brighton Kleff, avoid the bad anomalies, use the good anomalies, choose your own adventure containment breach, we'll invite Markiplier, let's make this happen! Ooh, we're drawn my boy here. SCP-3086 is a living, viral fictional character by the name of George the Chinchilla. George was intended to be competition for Mickey Mouse, hence being drawn in the same anthropomorphic and rubber-hoes style. Now, any picture of or story written about George the Chinchilla, even if the details aren't 100% accurate, becomes a living instance of SCP-3086. You can also accidentally create an instance if your OC is close enough in the details to George. Instances of George can multiply via paper-to-paper touch or online using website links and emails. George destroys any piece of media that it comes in contact with by turning it into an instance of itself, but it does not seem like that's its goal. No, its goal seems to be to just be the best cartoon character ever, and to tell people about how great its creator, Saul Sislak, is compared to that hack Walt Disney. Also, it's the first SCP I ever wrote. Thank you, NeverDot, for drawing it. It's awesome. And if you want to give it a read, my author page is linked to my bio. Oh, how, oh, how did we test SCP-4521 in order to get it to scream? Let me count the ways. One, carve mouths into SCP-4521 with a chainsaw. It did not scream. Two, use an extremely hot branding iron to imprint the word slave onto the base of the tree. It did not scream. Three, place multiple species of spiders on the tree, many of which burrowed into its flesh. It did not scream. Four, take a tree that is genetically related to SCP-4521 and slowly destroy it nearby for sympathy screams. But, yes, still wouldn't do it, would ya? Five, take a tree that is genetically related to SCP-4521 and do things that the Ethics Committee won't let me tell you about. We hit that tree with another tree. We're skinning it alive. Why won't you scream? Yes, can I help? What in Dr. Kless's lunchbox is that? Plasma gun. Excuse me, that is highly... Wait, why is it hissing? Don't do it. Okay, whichever one of you tells Dr. Bright about this is immediately demoted to D-Class. Y'all, allow me to introduce you to TikTok's new favorite SCP, SCP-6764, otherwise known as Maddie. Maddie is basically SCP-1471, Mallow, except for ghosts instead of furries. You don't have to install an app like you do with Mallow, but instead, you make it a random text message from this cute ghost girl who totally wants to be with you. All you gotta do is like, unalive yourself, and then y'all can be together. Isn't that crazy? That's so crazy, unless you're gonna do it. It's short, it's funny, and it's already got a companion tell with wiki-favorite comedy character, Hulk Slice! So go give this spirit a reading, and let me know what you think in the comments. I am being attacked! For those who don't know, the SCP wiki has an official account here on TikTok that I help out with from time to time. I dropped a message in the group chat regarding the video I put out on the SCP wiki being downed due to hackers, and it had this thumbnail thanks to TikTok sharing, and I was like, oh, oh, look at that thumbnail. And they're like, oh, we're gonna look at that thumbnail. And then my bosom buddy and compatriot, Dr. Rexus Buchanan, drops this on me! And then this! And then Dr. Cerise strolls in, and I can hear the Mortal Kombat guy saying, finish him when she drops this! What's your favorite? Oh my god, the wiki's been hacked by Russian Sherman meme. I'm gonna go grab some coffee. Thank you for listening. Site 42 studios and its staff are funded by viewers like you. Please become a patron or visit our merch store at the link in our bio to support our work. Secure. Contain. Protect.