 It has been us thus far about empowering the girl child. We've done that last year. Street lens of Shikamoto in, but we are still on the path of empowering the girl child. But two things are different today. First of all, it's Monday, so we're crushing on our kings. And then secondly, today, we wanna talk about the boy child. We wanna empower you. Yanny, to say a mini mom. So my baby, where does it hurt? Show me where it hurts and then we fix it, all right? My name is Valentine Art Kalamiva on everything. And you should find us at Y254 on Facebook, at Y254China on Twitter. Hashtag is Y in the morning. Today we're talking about becoming a man. I'm going to define what society says a man should be, and then we figure out how to get from there, okay? Say hi to my panelists. How are you, Ney? Fine. Uh-uh. My name is Salimi Aji. Hi. Hi. How are you? Yeah, fine. I'm from Tupoa and I'm from Saudi. It's okay, it's okay. Hi, what's your name, sir? You look very dapper. Oh, thank you. My name is Isaac. Yeah, I'm a journalist. You can find me on Twitter and Instagram at Light, Grace, and Love, yeah. We missed you. It hasn't been that long, but we still missed you. Yeah, I am now. Queen, can I finish with you? Hi, sir. Hi, too. Thank you. Uh-huh. I'm Calvin Osano, journalist like my friend. Uh-huh. You can find me on Instagram, Calvin Cute Osano. Uh-huh. Yeah. Calvin who? Cute. Cute. Wait, your handle has cute inside. Like, you know you're cute. I'm leaving myself. By the way, my name is Kujia Mene, and today we're talking about becoming a man. Queen, hi. Hi. You're looking very bright and lovely. Thank you. Thank you. My name is Nani. I'm a Favourite Ghetto. Uh-huh. Yeah, you can find me on Instagram Uh-huh. Yeah, I don't treat it as a real Favourite. Jairie Fave, who do you think a man is? Um, a man is the head of the house, of the family I mean. Uh-huh. Yeah. You want to? What does the head, what does being the head mean? Being the head means he supports everything below. Uh-huh. Yeah. So anything you want, you have to go ask the man. Back to the man. Wow. That's not a lot for you guys. Uh-huh. Who are shans of to make a man be? Who do you think a man is? Uh, like she defined it, a man should be a leader. Uh-huh. She leads then the woman follows. Wow. For example, if the setting was in a group of men and there are no women to follow you, who is a man there? Oh, so, if you want to be a real man, then you should be initiative. Uh-huh. You should always be a leader. Uh-huh. Among those men, you should learn to be a leader, a leader of your own. Type should lead them and they follow. Okay. With the risk of spending a lot of time on your kid, go to Isaac. So I like to be practical. Some cure one woman, a lot for which you tell them, check it bro, meaning come and marry, marry. Is that an example of being a leader? Yeah, that's a leader. Ah, yeah. But it depends. See your life. Ha ha ha ha. That's a leader. But there are many leaders depending on any type of category. They only category a party, they are leaders there. But category one tabash, are bringing good initiatives like the ones to empower people, they are good leaders there, health sectors, they are good leaders there. Wow. Isaac, they tell me one, Cypria Nyakundi is the representative for the boy child. And he is a leader, so he is appointed. Do you agree with his terms and conditions? No. Do you subscribe to his policies? No, I know Cypria Nyakundi is a blogger, right? Yes. Many people follow him. I don't see how he can, that cannot define whether he's a man or not. Because functionally, in the society, there is how the society views somebody they feel is a man. Number one is that a man is a builder. At least you build something. That's why after you got to a certain age, your father will tell you, now you need to build your own house. So you're a builder. Once you build your house, they can tell you, now look for somebody to join you in the house. From there, you take responsibilities. Now you become responsible. Now, through that responsibility, the leadership comes in. Now you become the head of the house. You say what should be done and what should not be done. Fairly, you don't dictate everything. So you are a judge, jury and executioner? Yeah. Aha. You don't have to say anything to say about this. Okay, one, I commend him for agreeing with the culture that Cypria Nyakundi, his terms and conditions, now, yeah, I commend him for that. And I also agree with him that as a man, when he builds his home and church, he becomes the leader. Okay, for, okay, you can give roles, but not like commanding us. They're women and has a say in that. Okay. What does that mean? I mean, before you make decisions that will affect me too, ask me. Let's talk about it. Yeah, not imposing roles on me. You're agreeing so nicely. Yeah, it's true. Wow. It's true because. For the first time. As in me. Yeah. You know, not even for the first time. Even you. Wow. I normally look at things and say them the way I see them. That's why if she's right, I have no right to deny. If I'm going to make a decision that I know, it's going to affect her. I need to seek her permission. Okay, so for example, when she says she's wrong, yes, I need to ask and give my reasons. And then if she's going to reject, she will also give her reasons. But in case I'm making a decision that concerns me, I mean, I go ahead and make it. Wow. Because it has nothing to do with it. What if you come to her funny way? She doesn't like it. Yeah, sometimes you can make a decision all about you, but it will affect me in a way. Yeah. You see, cut in my hair. To some extent, like cutting your hair in a funny way. Yeah, you tell me. You tell me. I'm not ready. Hey, you see, you see. Wow. You must ask me. Okay, but then I feel like cutting my hair has nothing to do with it, you know. Because if I put it in. But what she's wearing has also nothing to do with it. It's not affecting you in any way. It affects. Oh, nah, nah, nah, nah. Yeah, I'm cutting your hair in a funny way, it affects me. Let's do this. Let's do this. Come away from that a little bit and then let's get with the slides. So we have a couple of slides prepared for you on the same. It's just a couple of factors that society has instilled into the boy judge to make him think maybe this is what you should be doing to become a man. So slide number one also at WhiteFive on Facebook, at WhiteFive on Twitter, hashtag is white in the morning. So a man looks, supposed to look physically good. The good health of a male makes him appealing to females. And Pia, it's important factor both socially and in the business world. That means a man needs to have power. That means he needs to be able to look. He needs to be able to look. Now, Venessa, to make her do this. No, no, I need to be able to look. So we've agreed a man needs to look good. Yeah, and not for specific this, like Kamaleo on TV. Oh, like every time. Oh my gosh. I'm like that. It's not going to be showing me. No, I'm not going to reveal myself. It's not going to be showing me. And you're, I don't know if I should look. It feels like a man. I think, all right, when it comes to physical outlook and all that, I mean, everybody, you know, I normally tell people that you should not feel discouraged because of how you look. I mean, in the Bible, we are told that no matter how you look, you look like God, God. So I don't know what. OK, so you got bad. I mean, so you can look bad, but it's still OK because it looks like God. OK, I have a question for you. I'll ask you a question, sir. But in no way, you are looking at the dressing amount. Physical appearance from the dressing to a personal grooming. Your hair should be well done. Can I ask you something, please? We have people who people say they're ugly, but they dress well. They look good or they look bad. You know, there are things that you can't change, like your surak or you can't change. Yeah, no easy vermasque. So, OK, if they are there or you want to say ugly, just look good, dress well, keep your hair neat. I mean, brush your teeth. Small, small things, I mean. Especially your point of the brush teeth. If I was a brush teeth, I would move more. Yeah, yeah, but say some of the brushing teeth. But then, I've got an instance where if you dress well all the time, now even your girlfriend starts becoming insecure. Maybe you're doing all this because you want to look good out there so that you attract attention of some other ladies. Yeah, you should also talk about that. OK, if you dress good, maybe, and then, OK, that comes when you address visory for a location. Maybe we're going to club, and then you see couldn't address poor. But we're going to trend out as like a date. The two of us just find me dressed. But just yes, you know. So, up on your kiddo go, kiddo go, yeah, you're looking good for someone else, not me. OK. You had a question, sir? I had a question. Like, you were talking about the physical appearance and I wanted to emphasize on the dressing part. I was asking a question. Someone there from the ghetto could go pay a tattoo. So, if you will be wearing one, this day, tomorrow, it changes to the other one and it changes to tattoo, tattoo. Is it good? OK, the thing is, OK, you can be financially down, but you can go tattoo. If you wear a t-shirt on Monday, you can wear a t-shirt on Monday. You can wear a t-shirt on Monday. Change. I mean, you look so different. I mean, you see, I mean, there's no way to wear a t-shirt on Monday, on Tuesday, on Wednesday, you can wear a t-shirt on Friday. That's a good thing, I don't wear a t-shirt on Monday. But I think basically what you're trying to say is, like, when you're doing a tattoo, because Jim said he's a close-up, but you guys look good. Your hair looks good. You're clean, you know. You go up and stuff it. Everything is fitting the way it's supposed to be. You can't represent men. That's the issue all the time. So, they should be like you. All right, so number two is functional. While AI is going to be used, while utilizing a combination of physical ability with savvy and ambition to succeed, his role as a breadwinner is what drives him to achieve. Many men are providers. Anyone who is a growing man, or if you're growing into manhood, you can't provide for anyone. Like, when you're doing a tattoo, you can't keep asking. You can't keep asking your mother, you can't keep asking, or your uncle, or you just can't keep asking. You have to try. And that's one thing I really appreciate about most African men, or when you drive, they really know how to hustle. It makes me happy. But true. You mean for the first time? Yeah, sure, sure. Wait a minute, sure. I mean for the first time, you've said African men, and it's been, okay, continue. Wow. I said they have a drive, that responsible is different from having a drive, you know? Yeah, so. They have that drive, but some of them, okay, they have the drive, but they are not doing it. Ah, I know. I know, I know men who just sit there. Okay, okay. To be reasonable enough, at age 24, you should at least have something that keeps you, you don't have to be asking for your mother, for your girlfriend, at age 24, reasonably, ah, how old are you? At age 24, you're an adult, isn't it? She's right, she's right. I think, I think she's right, but I think, if you're going for a man or a guy, if you're a lady, go for a guy who has integrity and ambition. As long as the guy has an integrity and ambition, you are assured that even if he is not financially stable right now, he'll be financially stable, I assure you. Wow, it's like we are dropping so much wisdom today, we don't even know to do it ourselves. That's obvious. Wow, all right. So again, number three, men are a sexual being. So traditionally, it has been more acceptable for a man to remain a bachelor later in life, compared to a woman. And this kind of loosely translates as men value their freedom, is it true? It's true. And, and... True, true, they value their freedom. Why do you think so? Okay, in the cultural setting, let's say a man is 28 years old, has no wife or fiance or girlfriend, it's fine. But if a lady is 27, 26, people start asking questions like, why do you think I'm a woman? It's true, it's kind of, okay, to some extent I don't see it as a good thing. Why? Because, okay, even ladies value their freedom. Cities, not all of the ladies want to be married at a very young age. But I think it's a bit of a lie because I was watching the news about the drought. And then, as they were explaining how the situation is quite dire and all these things, they put some lady in the frame. A 15-year-old mother is supposed to be weaning her child, but there's no food, there's no, okay, there's food and water in Kedogo. But, I think it's a 15-year-old mother in Kedogo. So it's not really a big deal, even in some parts of the country, as we speak. So, I think it's a good thing to come to Africa to know it's time. Yeah. Let me know it's time. Okay, so you're 25 years old, that's when either you mention Patam Toi, Amaz, you start settling with creatures. Just relax. But why is it so different from guys? I think, I've also been trying to find out why you find that men, even at 30, 35, some are comfortable. They're not even in a hurry to get married. And then, for ladies, they just hit 25. They start getting worried. When am I getting that? So one day, I decided to ask one of my lecturers that question, why do you think it's happening? But I feel he gave me a biological answer to that, because he was telling me that, you know, with women, how they were created is very different. You remember, women, now he was telling me, women were created with a particular number of eggs. So during the menstrual period, they lose them. So you find that by the time they get 35, they might have lost all of them. So they may not give birth. So that's why they are normally being encouraged to at least find a child before the age of 35. So that is what he told me. Then I was like, all right. So it means that it has been true. That's why even at home, when you hit 30, almost 70 days. They want to go to the meeting. At intervention. Yes, because they know by the time you hit that 35, they shall all gone. And you'll never give them grandchildren. So that's why you always find ladies who knows that, they're normally in a hurry. Okay, first of all, his science is not very accurate. They don't run out or something like that. But there are complications that affect a woman when she gives birth past a certain age. It becomes, it's not impossible. The people have done it and continue to do it. But Apokidogo, you have something going on. Do you think due to some few cases that have taken place, have risen due to a woman not being able to reproduce after 35, people have come up with an over-rolled decision, a perspective, they've perceived the information work, they've come up with a routine. They now believe that as long as the lady will reach the age of 35, she won't be able to reproduce. I think that's just a perception. But there's no way for me. Ma'aze, at the age of 35, they'll remain. Just the other day, I saw someone giving birth to four children all at once, quadrupled at the age of 30 somebody, because she has two sets of twins, prior to that, fatality or wow. But to some extent, I think, I think most ladies settle at an early age. Ladies in general, to be sincere, we don't want to settle with one person. Men want variety, they want to taste it. I was just coming to that. Thank you for bringing it up. Now, because you can get married at 40 or whatever, it's not like you're going to get married at the age of 40. You're not going to get married at the age of 40. So that when you feel like it's time to settle down, you'll settle down when you want. But for us, no, just tell us the truth. I'm telling you the truth. That has been just a perception. But the thing is, you know, human beings, once they see something, they judge it. So if you are once seen by a particular lady, maybe you are discussing, yes. But there is something that has come up nowadays. Somebody can tell you, well, I've been thinking about it, but there is no chemistry. I don't know how chemistry comes there. She says, there is no chemistry. We cannot have that. So you move to, because here, it's impossible. Next. So you move to where it will be possible. So that's why men find themselves going from, until you find that one who will say, all right, I can see some chemistry. Can we be fair and say, and hope that the boy child out there is listening? Please don't use your freedom and use it against us. This is the direct equivalent of Yaxema. I say, I'm 35 years old. I'm always here. I'm a child. Stop it, stop it, guys. It's not nice. And we just from here say that being a man equals being responsible. So, please, be your sister's keeper. We are not just standing here. We are also at 40. Just please, just please. All right. Number four is they are not really allowed to be emotional. No matter the situation, a man must manage to suppress personal feelings. This enables men to maintain an objective view on a life. Manomeniku jikaza. Nukweli? Yeah, it's true. Really? Men, like in Africa, we say, as a man, when you cry, your tears get inside. People should not see. Even if you're angry, even if there's something paining you, you should try as much as possible to hide it. Why? You're the leader. Can you imagine a leader crying? Everybody. At the same time, you're a class teacher. Then the teacher is crying, actually. And imagine a situation whereby there are children in the house. But there is something that is disturbing you. There's a painful event you're going through. You're supposed to hide it as much as possible. I wish the men could put that, domestic violence. You're angry. Keep it the same way you keep your tears. I don't have a point. I don't have a point. To buy a child. Yeah, they should keep it. In the same situation, there are children there. You're beating your wife. What picture are you showing the children? A very bad one. And then maybe on the flip side, there is a segment about mental health now. OK, so it's just health, but a man's and a mental health, one of our presenters. And at some point, the list here, for interview, Waxema Suicide has become very rampant. And it's not just that he loves us, but that he wants to be with us. He doesn't want to be with us. And do you think all this keeping quiet is the reason? Yeah, I think at the same time, when I have a job, I have a job, and then you don't talk about it. You don't, I'll toy emotions back or one day, they will overwhelm you. I think we should differentiate. Kujikaza doesn't mean you keep quiet. I might be going through a painful event. I need to hide it. I need to show some strength. Who do you share it with? My wife or my girlfriend. But you know, when we are sitting down with the wife, but I say it, but I don't have to cry to show that it's happening. Yeah, it's paining me, but I must talk about it. But these people who keep quiet until they just decide to do something crazy. It overwhelms. And it's usually something like a very small trigger, a hair trigger, like one or two, maybe I'm a salemi, I don't know, it's a favorite on Kapoa. My favorite, Amwangali, then he suddenly feels like the whole world is disrespecting him. I think that is something to do with this team. If you rejected just this someone, they are waiting for you, someone who will accept you. Yeah, if you rejected once, it's not the end of the world. No, I don't know what's going on. So you know about numbers and odds and evens. So I don't know what's going on. Mine are different. Yes, but I feel like somehow maybe you have a line where you're the same, someone is it true? Because you know, there are some people who will never accept what is normal. What is normal? Yeah, what is normal. I mean, it's normal to approach a lady and she can say no. So she can reject your proposal. Does that mean that you are an outcast? No. The fact is that one do not want you. Look for another one. You can start crying for us here. You want to commit suicide. You know, sometimes when we cover some of these stories, you hear somebody saying that by the, you know, if you don't accept me, if you don't accept me, I'm going to commit suicide. I mean. Then if I was such ladies, I would tell them, go ahead and do. A man can put his 10,000 quasport peso. He ended up not finding it. Like he needs to have more to talk to you. That's not normal, by the way. You know, I'm not going to eat anything. I'm not going to eat anything. There you are, good. I'm not going to eat anything. I'm not going to eat anything. I mean, yeah. I have an example of that. You know, Tia Savage, her husband, I think was also her manager. So, and then they had a child. They got married, had a child. And just before they broke up, this is now what the social media wave of news came to be. So he, I think he did something, either infidelity or some, somewhere like that. And Tia was not having it. So she decided to leave. And then he made a public announcement. He said, if you don't take me back, I'm going to kill myself. Now, what kind of pressure, first of all, is that that you're putting on everyone else? First of all, your wife, when do you call her? Like, when do you call her? But now, you can't tell me to stand up. Because that's serious. You know that someone is, you know, you've entered another game altogether. It's actually life and death. As a man, how would you advise him? I would advise such people to stop making a lot of noise because look at, look at it in this perspective. You know, relationship is very funny and love is funny. I normally tell people, love is a feeling. And for two people to love each other, the feeling must be compatible. You should be feeling me, I should be feeling him. But if you feel me and I don't feel you, really, you can't force me to, you can't force that feeling. If there's a song, don't force it, I'll scare Ben so I'll say, oh yes, sure. That's why you can't force a feeling. So what men should do, yes, you have a right to approach, but you do not have a right to demand that it should happen. That's why real men, what you do, you go approach. If it's possible, you accept, if not, you move to another step. Another thing, when it comes to, what you're talking about, when it comes to, how did you call it? I mean, I've forgotten. But then I wanted to say that in a relationship, you should not come with your emotion, you should not be over-emotional. Don't be, I have- Come ready to receive any answer, yes or no. Anything can happen at any time. Anything can happen. And in this situation, he was having, okay, the man had cheated. We're winding this up still last week. So the man was the one who was strong. I mean he cheated, yes. And then, okay, if the man had cheated because your service is not taking him back, then when he cheated in the first place, I am not understanding this. Oh, so may it be. When you have me, you're cheating. When you don't, you wanna kill yourself. And then he said, no, you know, no one was trying to hurt you, life just happened. Oh, so do you what? It's just- Living, you just happened. All right, your last words before you go. My last words, okay. Hotel advice, man, if you want to be a real man, should be confident. I'll just give you some tips. Just be confident. Just be courageous. Confident you believe in yourself, you believe in what you want to achieve, you believe in your dreams. You go for it, despite the obstacles related to the thing there. Then ladies, I love you. Can you speak to your fellow boy children? Yeah. I love you. Tell them, ladies, I'm not into that. Okay. You love someone who loves you. Aha. You live the person who loves you. To go where? You go to someone else. Oh. I have one quote for you. Oh. You are living someone with a vision, you are going to someone with a television. Wow. You love the person with a vision in your husband's television. Wow. So also, I love you. Stick to your man, make him what you want him to be. That's my advice to you. I don't know how to add to that. Let me just tell you, at WhiteFive on Facebook, at WhiteFive on Twitter, hashtag is white in the morning. Thank you so very much for staying with us from 7 to 10. If you came in a little bit later or a little bit earlier, we still do appreciate you. And please, never, never hesitate to give us feedback because we kind of live to do this for you, okay? My name is Valentine, or to color me, I would like to wrap us up all nice and present to you tomorrow. It's Entrepreneur Tuesday, so you don't want to miss it. If you want to make money, or you want to, I don't know, look at people's monies, whatever you want, and it's about money, is tomorrow, right? Have a fantastic week. Bless you. Bye.