 We invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Psyhard, and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Nash, with Alan Reed at Pasquale. Luigi Vasco left Italy to start his new life in America. He promised his mother that he would write and tell her about his adventures. So now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes to Mama Vasco in Italy. Mama Mia is a funny thing about American people. They like to put their food in cans. They got a milk in cans, a beer in cans, a meat in cans, fish, beans, everything is in cans. Mama Mia is a lucky somebody in the event of the can opener or American people would starve to death. But leave it to the American. One of the fellas who come along in an event of ten cents the can opener. They're not a fella. It's an event the can opener that's a hang on a wall and opens up a can faster. Now they've got electric can opener. I'ma think if the American has opened up a can any faster, he's going to have to cover off it before the company is to put the food inside. But anyway, Mama Mia, soon is the come of Christmas. So today I'm a man and you surprise a package. Of course this is not just a surprise. It's something you can use. Right now I'm going to the post office to mail it. He used it in a good health to Mama Mia and I'm a hope it's alive in a time. All right. Who's next? Let's have your parcel. Yeah, sure. All right. How do you want this sent COD special delivery insured return receipt prior to a special handling? I'ma want to send it to Italy. What's inside of this parcel? I'm sorry. I'm not going to tell you. Huh? Why not? It's a surprise. I'm sorry, but you'll have to tell me. That's postal rules. Didn't you ever send the parcel abroad? Oh, sure. Last winter I'm sending my uncle Pietro package. COD? No, BVD was a sports system. Well, then you should know the rules. Is there anything fragile inside? Fragile? Yeah, anything breakable. Only if you drop it. All right. All right. Say, Mr. That line is getting a little longer. Let's weigh the parcel. There we are. That's four pounds. It'll cost you two dollars and ten cents. All right. Here's your money. I'll just stamp this up. Can't you, Joe? It broke. Mama made that a coffee maker. It cost me twelve dollars. Is that a coffee maker? You got nothing to worry about, Mr. You'll get your money back. The post office is as solid as the rockage of Brawler. Yeah, I'ma see the way my coffee maker is a broken out of the rock. Please, you can be back with my money now. Well, I don't give you the money. It's the government. You'll have to go through some formalities to replace that broken coffee maker. A little red tape. Tape. I'm going to think even a glue is going to help. Here we are, form 1251 J. Here's a pen. Just fill it out and we'll get you started. All right. But I'm going to hurry. It's almost the time for my night to school class. Just don't worry about it. The post office stands behind every parcel. Not always. What? If you friend Joe was stood behind my parcel before it, it wouldn't have broken. Well, here's the form. Yeah. Let's see there. Yes. You fill it out perfectly. Then I'ma get to my 12. Is it back? No. No. This just entailed you to fill out form 88C. That's good. I'll call the roll. Mr. Basko. Here. Mr. Horwitz. Yeah. Mr. Olsen. Hey, Ed. Mr. Scholl. I pass. Mr. Scholl. No, it's no use to beg. I'm staying out of this part. Well, it doesn't matter. We're all here. That's right. You've got the full house. Well, Schmatte's the out of that part. Now, class, I hope you've all studied your spelling because that's what we're taking up today. Mr. Basko, spell the word rough. 88C. 88C. What's that? Oh, there's a form. I'ma gotta fill out for the post office. You see, I was... Mr. Basko, not now. Just spell rough. All right. Rough. Other OUGH. That's fine. Mr. Horwitz. Spell tough. Tough. T-O-U-G-H. Good. Mr. Olsen. Slough. Slough. S-L-O-U-E-H. Right. Mr. Scholl. Enough. That's what I say. Rough. We got enough. Yeah, right. Mr. Olsen, will you spell that word? I would be glad to. Enough. E-N-O-U-E-H. That's very good. What's so very good about it? You can spell it only one way. I can spell it 15 different ways. Mr. Scholl, I wish you'd be more like Mr. Olsen with one answer, but always the correct answer. Thank you, Ms. Baldwin. I always try to be perfect in school. To me, education is like a lighthouse shining in a sea of darkness. I always think the more I learn, the closer I sail to that lighthouse. If I don't study, I get pushed away by the waves. If I study the waves, push me closer. If the waves... Olsen, stop fighting those waves and drown already! Stop funny, Mr. Scholls. Mr. Olsen, your efforts are highly commendable. Just keep studying and you'll always go forward. Isn't that right, Mr. Basko? That's right. When I'm a finisher, there's a form. I'm a forward editor to the claims office. What? Ms. Baldwin, the post office is the broker. My mom is a coffee maker. And now I'm worried I'm not going to get the back of my money. Luigi, you got nothing to worry about. Yeah, we got the best post office in the whole world. Then why didn't I give him the back of the money? Why did they make me fill out all of these forms? Well, Mr. Basko, in government matters, you must expect a certain amount of paperwork. Paperwork? I know a veteran. He wanted to get a house on FHA. But they gave it to him. So many forms to fill out. He almost went crazy. So he stopped. But Scholls said, this is a veteran and he's got a house. Oh, sure. He put it together. All the forms and now he's living in it. My, Luigi, I'm just trying to cheer you up. At least with all these forms, this year you're going to have a white Christmas. Sure, there is no help to Luigi. He would like his model to get the present by Christmas. That's right, Mr. Scholls. And if I'm asking the post office to hurry up, you think that they're going to make a trouble for me? Ach, my, Luigi. What, what can they do it to you? Can the post office stop delivering your mail? Can they make you pay four events for a three-cent stamp? Couldn't they send special delivery boys to wake you up at three o'clock every morning? Sure, sir, can they? Why not? The government loves a little excitement. My friend. Hello, post-college. Hello, Luigi. It's a special delivery. It's just the common fields that look very important. Outside, it's the states from the United States to post offices. Mama, ma'am, I'm in a terrible trouble. Luigi, don't tell me you ain't got over that a habit of mailing letters in the fire boxes. No, post-college. First a few months, he was in America every time you mailed a letter to your mama. It was a three-alarm fire. Mama, post-college, you should not do that. It's a long story. You see, I was asking the government for money. Oh, Luigi, always you're making a stupid mistake. So don't even know you can't get money from the government until you're 65 years old. Only time America's a given money before that time is if you live it in Europe. That's called the Marisa plan. Mama, post-college, you don't understand. That the money I was asking was for the coffee maker. The post office is a broker. Oh, I'm afraid to open up that a letter. Post-college, please, you open them up. I did. Oh, then we better take out the letter, huh? I did that, too. Oh, you did it. What's it saying inside the post-college? Luigi, how dare you incinerate I'm a read other people's man. I'm sorry, post-college. There's nothing important inside anyway. Unless you're anxious to stay in this country. Post-college, give me that a letter. Dear Mr. Basko, this will acknowledge you form 88 to C before we can act any further. Honey, you climb, please fill out and return and close the form of 7026 AB. Mama, here's another form of to fill. That's not a little banana nose. Why are you so excited about it? But, Mr. Basko, I was ascending my mama and me a coffee maker for a Christmas. When the post office is a broker, the fellow is advising me to fill out to some of the forms. When I ask him at the school of class if I'm going to get in trouble, he says yes. Horowitz says no. Mr. Spaulding says fill him out. Sure, sure. Luigi, why are you always running around asking advice from people with a big, stupid head like a hippopotamus? When all the time you're going to come straight to Pasquale, whose brain is a light and a fast like a bird. You're so right to Pasquale. You've got to reel a bird to brain. That's a funny thing. When I'm saying it, it's a come out of there for it. Luigi, let me tell you about these forms. When alien a fellow like you begins to make a trouble for the government that's not good. Just imagine, President Truman has got a five minutes to rest. He's a sit down quiet and a play as a piano. Here comes the Secretary of Treasury. He says, Luigi Basko wants to know a coffee pot. Mama, Mama, Pasquale, you've got to help me. Surely, little Cabbage Puss. You know the way of Pasquale is always ready to help, Luigi. You know you could have been trapped in no way to turn but you come to Pasquale, there's always a one avenue of escape. My daughter Rosa. Pasquale, that's the no avenue. It's a dead end. All right, all right. I'm going to argue with you. This time I'm going to let you suffer the consequences. Go ahead. They're fulfilling our forms of bothering the government. One day you're going to hear a knock on a door, you're going to run away. They know what's going to happen. No pictures are going to be on all the post office awards. They're going to say, want the Luigi Basko, the Coleray coffee pot, the crook. Reward, $500 a dead, $1,000 alive, $750 half a dead. No, Pasquale. Yes, yes, Luigi. That's only to start. That's only one day to catch you, shove you on a boat. You're going to sail all over the world, a place at the place, but no countries are letting you in. Come then on, you're going to be known as the Luigi Basko, the man without a coffee pot. Life with Luigi continues in just a moment. But first, who says you need one of those new-fangled uranium-finding gadgets to strike riches? All you need is a radio set tuned to CBS on Wednesday nights. The drama of Dr. Christian, the hilarious wit of Groucho Marx, the songs and humor of Bing Crosby, and comedy of George Burns and Gracie Allen. You hit pay dirt four times without a stop on most of these same CBS stations. And now for the second act of Luigi Basko's Adventures in Chicago, we turn to page two of his letter to his mother in Italy. How do you remember me? Maybe you like it to drink a tea? Teas are very delicious, it makes you feel nice and warm inside, and it's very healthy. Besides, I'm still unable to get a money for the coffee pot. I'm going to explain to you what to happen. After I'm going to fill out the first three forms, I'm going to find out that this is a title of me to three more. So I'm going to fill out the forms 11 of 48 to G72F for 12 of 49 to L. And finally this morning, I'm going to receive a letter from the post office which is to say, you coffee patties are now officially a broke. This summer caught a toll on my minute, I was a sheet of pieces on a floor. But it was the thing of all the mama mia. I'm afraid that you're not going to get a new present in the time of for Christmas. Best time I can hope for is I'm a shun again in trouble with the government. Luigi, my fellow boob. Hello, Schöße. You look so sad. Like a police dog, what looked in the mirror and finds out he's really a caca spaniel. Schöße, I'm all mixed up. Maybe it would have been better if I was to send my mom the money instead of the coffee pot. No, Luigi, what is done is done. If everybody went around crying over spilled milk, the world would be filled with hysterical cows. The sheer up. Things ain't never so bad like they look. But Schöße, Pasquale is to say because I'm alien, who's the body of the government. The president of Truman is not going to play the piano. So because he cannot play the piano he's going to send me on a boat all over the world until they're hanging me up in the post office. Who's that steaming Pasquale? He got you for shimmers. Luigi, if you are so worried, forget all about the forms. So this is America. You could do whatever you want. But you could go downtown right now and see the postmaster. The postmaster? Sure. Like the sweet cream in a bottle of milk, you've got to go right to the top. Schöße, if I'm going to see the postmaster, you don't think I'm going to make a bigger trouble? Of course, not now. Go on. Right ahead, go on. All right, Schöße. I'm going to go right now. Sure. Only your mama's going to get a present in time for Christmas after all. Thank you, Schöße. But smile, Luigi. Be like me. Happy. Always laughing. Oh, my rumour keeps on killing me. Mama, man. What a big post office building. Must be a whole block long. Well, I guess they needed to keep all of those forms. What's the... What's the discipline in the building? Built in the year M.C.M.X.L.A.V. Must be secret code so far in the country they shouldn't know how old is the post office. Well, I'm... I'm hoping I'm doing the right thing. I'm going... Mama, man. Everybody is so busy here. Maybe I should have gone home. It doesn't matter coming with a uniform and a gun. Yes? Can I help you? No, no, no. He's all right. I'm going. I'm going. I noticed you've been wandering around. What are you looking for? Please. Where do you keep the postmaster? Oh, the postmaster. Room 109. Just follow your nose. Huh? I said just follow your nose. Where did she go? Lock, master. There's room 109 toward the end of the hall. All right. Thank you very much. 101, 103, 105, gentlemen. 101, 107, 109. Ah, cheers, cheers. Office of the postmaster. I'm hoping he's a nice fellow. Hmm. I guess maybe he's a busy mechanism for today. Yes? Come right in, sir. Oh, thank you. Are you the postmaster's daughter? No, I'm his man Friday. He must have been joking. What? You're not a man in today's a Tuesday. What have you wished to see the postmaster about, sir? I'm a sentimental out of form, sir. He's a nomi already. Just to tell him of the fellow with the broken coffee pot. If you have a claim, sir, the postmaster's a very busy man. Why don't you go back to the post office where he happened and fill out form 1251 J? Pleasure, Mr. Thursday. I'm a filled out to form a 1251 of J88 to C7 of 26 of... So did you fill them out in two tickets? No, in the back of my store. Also, I'm a filled out to form a 978 of G11 of 23F for 62H. 62H? That's a fishing and hunting license. I'm a filled out to form a 1251 of G11 of 23F. I'm not pleased that you're letting me talk to the postmaster. I want my mum and me to get to the coffee pot to buy Christmas. Well, this is highly irregular, but... Well, come on. All right, thank you. Mr. Williams, somebody to see you. Miss Brown, I'm very busy. He's quite insistent. Well, all right. Hello. Well, let's get down to business. Have a seat. I'm going to want a seat. I'm going to want a coffee pot. What? Please. A few days ago, I'm going to send a coffee pot to my mum and me in Italy. Post office clerk is a taker. He's a throw it up in the air and he's a say, Here's a Joe catch. What's your trouble? Joe is a no catch. I see. The coffee pot broke and you'd like your money back. Yes, it's across the twelve of dollars. Hey, you want to pay me back in an hour? I'll be glad to. Oh, thank you. You'll find a man. Just fill out four and twelve fifty one day. Oh, no. Please, Mr. Post. I'm a filled out a dozen of forms. Well, in that case, Mr. Basko, I suggest you go home and wait. In due time, our claims department will get around to you, settle your case, and you will receive financial reimbursement. I'm going to want to financial him a burst of money. I'm going to want to the money. I meant money, Mr. Basko. Now, if you'll excuse me. Please, please. I know you're a busy man. But I'm afraid that by the time I'm a guest at the new coffee pot, he's going to be past the Christmas. Mr. Basko, that can't be helped. Accidents will happen and when the department is at fault, we make good on all claims. Now you'll just have to be patient and wait until we contact you. I'm going to pay the twelve of dollars for the coffee pot. You pay me eleven of dollars in an hour and I'm going to forget the whole thing. Mr. Basko, the post office department, doesn't operate that way. We're a huge organization. Do you know how many pieces of mail we handle in one day right here in Chicago? No. Millions. Do you know what that means? Yeah, you've got to go to business. It's a big business, Mr. Basko. Now, if I had to take time out every day to explain these things to all our patrons, I would have no time left to attend to my regular duties. Now, please, show some cooperation. But Mr. Poster, I'm always trying to cooperate with the post office. Signs all over, they say, before Christmas, mail early. For the past three weeks, every time I'm a sender letter to my mamma mia, I'm a mail at four o'clock in the morning. And when I'm a user, one of you pens in the post office, I'm always right to very small, so I shouldn't use too much ink. And every time I'm going to put a stamp on a letter, I'm always going to take off my hat before I'm a lick of George Washington. Mr. Basko, I have no doubt that you're a good citizen, but we do have our rules, and I can't help you. Now, if you'll excuse me. Please, I take a $10 for a coffee pot. Will you try to understand me? $9? I told you I can't do a thing. My hands are tied. For a man who must be harder to write to that the way. Look, Jason! Hey, that's a matter of feel. Look under your hair, all the must-up eyes, a blood shot, face all the wet and the perspired. You look like you was taking a nap at the bottom of Lake Michigan. Well, please, I was running all the way from the Post Office. Post semesters are very mad at me, and I think I'm going to be in a real trouble. Savzie, you're right, because you didn't listen to me. When you've got trouble with the Post Office, you've got to go through the regular channels to fill out the forms in a good English. That's what they call the English channels. Well, you didn't know. You was rude to the Postmaster, wasn't you? How about didn't-a-wanna? Didn't-a-wanna doesn't mean there wasn't a doer. A vehicle rode to the Post Office, and you've got to suffer the worst of punishment of any alien that could get in this country. It's called the RFID. RFID, what's that? Rude foreigners are deported. Oh, no! Oh, yes. Luigi is a dark day ahead of you. He's the one time when you could use a good citizen out of your side. Luigi, I'm a bigger man at downtown. Just to mention the name Pascuali, I'm going to carry a lot of weight. And if you marry my daughter Rosa, you know what that's mean? Huh? I say if you marry my daughter Rosa, you know what that's made. Menza, I'm not going to carry a lot of weight. You've got to know choice. You are drowning a man. You've got to grab with a straw. Pascuali Rosa's a no straw. She's a whole ass type. All right, all right. That's a settlement. I'm going to wash my hands off of your face. Goodbye. No, wait, wait, Pascuali. I'm going to give up. That's what I like, a fighter. I'm going to call her the blush and the bride. Rosa! Rosa! Rosa! Yes, you're my little honey bunch. Rosa, say hello to Luigi. Rosa, Luigi's just asking my permission to walk her down the aisle with you. What do you say? Okay, with me, Luigi, what picture's playing? Oh, sorry. Now look at my children, cuddle up a closer together. Pardon me, Mr. Basko here. I was sent here by the post office. Well, I'm going to tell him when he's come back. Luigi, don't be so frightened. This here's Mr. Basko. What can I do for you, Mr. Basko? Oh, Mr. Basko, I have good news for you. The postmaster has taken a personal interest in your damaged parcel claim, and he's going to see to it that the matter is expedited immediately. Please, I'm just the one with the money. Well, I'm here to see that you get your $12. The postmaster has signed a voucher releasing those funds from the United States Treasury. Oh, thank you. I'm from the Treasury Department. Now, if you'll just go through a little formality and fill out Form 183-D, which entitles you to fill out Form 789-D. Well, I'm coming back to the farm together. Thank you. And so, my dear, I'm finally got the back of my $12. Now I'm sending you something else. It's another coffee party. It's a very handy kind of be used for a lot of things. And as a guarantee that not to break is a $12 a cash. You'll have to send a Luigi Basko little immigrant. Next Tuesday at the same time over most of these stations, when Luigi Basko writes another letter to his mama Basko describing his adventures in America. Life with Luigi is a Psy Howard production and is written by Mack Menoff and Lou Derman and directed by Mack Menoff. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Basko with Alan Redis Pasquale, Hans Conradis Schultz, Jody Gilbert is Rosa, Joe Forte is Horowitz, Ken Peters is Olsen. Music is under the direction of Love Gruskin, Bob Stephenson speaking. They'll be writing the range at a hard and hilarious gallop on Bing Crosby's Wednesday night CBS show tomorrow night. William Boyd, alias Hopalong Cassidy, will be Bing's guest and he'll team up with Saigalong Crosby in a routine tootin' western sketch. Remember, the Bing Crosby show is heard every Wednesday night on most of these same CBS stations. And now it's a tune for a skate that will be on most of these same stations. This is CBS where you'll live life with Luigi on Tuesday night the Columbia Broadcasting System.