 Hello, I'm Cynthia Sinclair and this is Finding Respect in the Chaos. I've been absent for a little while, had a bad fall, and I'm finally well enough to be back, so I'm so happy to be back with you to find the respect that we can in the chaos, right? That's the name of the show for a reason. So today's guest is Jessica Baker and I'm, I'm Jasmine Baker, I'm so sorry. And I am so excited to have her with me today. Thank you. Welcome, Jasmine. Thank you so much for coming today. Hello, Cynthia. How are you? You made a mistake on your name. My very first show back and I'm already messing up. Oops. I'm excited to be on with you today. Well, I'm glad to have you here. You have so many wonderful things that you're doing in your life, positive things that make a difference in this world. And I really like you to share them with our viewers because they're important things. I know you have a podcast and I want you to tell us all about your podcast. Okay, so that was my latest project. Actually, you know, I'm always busy trying to put positivity into the environment, whether it's through gathering with girls, confidence, et cetera. But this podcast was inspired really through the Holy Spirit and he just told me, hey, it's a lot of negativity out there right now. We all know what's going on in the environment with the pandemic, with the sheltered in, everything that's happening. And I needed Cynthia to put something out there that was going to help people still have hope and most of all, just find themselves inside of the chaos. Amen, sister. I love the sound of that. So tell us the name of your podcast. Okay, so the podcast is called Think Positive. You guys can find it on Apple Podcast. You can even find it on Spotify. Click it right in there. You'll see my face pop up. It's featuring Mrs. Colorful Day. So inside of the podcast, that's who I'm acting as Mrs. Colorful Day. And I'm just giving you some positivity and some colorful things that you can do under everyday life, life application, of course, to be able to be positive during this time. That's so wonderful. I love that picture of you. That is the perfect picture for the caption of Mrs. Colorful Day because that is Mrs. Colorful Day. I love it. So how long have you been doing your podcast? When did you start? You're breaking up. Oh, and when did you start? How long has you been, have you been doing this? Okay, so we started the podcast a little bit earlier in the year and we had our laydown to try to really get global. So that's really been our focus and we've been able to touch so many people through the podcast globally, whether it's in the mainland, also in Europe, in Asia, I mean all over the world when I look at the podcast stats over the last couple of months, I mean it has really been growing. So I truly know that one, the call that I took when God allowed me to put the podcast out there was definitely something that people wanted and people need and the numbers are climbing everyday Cynthia. That is so wonderful. I know I'm going to be one that's going to listen and be part of it. So can you just hear it anytime? When does it come out? How does it work? Explain it to everybody because I'm not even sure how podcasts work very well. Okay, so podcast is where you can go to any type of podcast application on your phone you can download it or you can even download a podcast application on your computer. Once you download it, you just type in Think Positive and once you see that Think Positive you'll see this big bright lady logo and a bright sweater that comes up and it says Mrs. Colorful that you click on there you're going to see about 14, 15 different podcasts that you could listen to and they all are surrounded around different topics that we have in the environment and the big thing that I really want the viewers to understand is it's life application. So I'm giving you quick principles that you can take with yourself throughout the week. The podcasts aren't super long because I know that everyone's busy, you know, during this time in their life. So what we've had them to do is to make sure the podcast are kept till about 15 to 20 minutes. So it's ideal for popping it in the shower or even driving to work. That is a great idea. You know, when I was a minister, they part of the training that they tell you is don't go over 20 minutes or you'll lose communication, right? So it's the same kind of thing with a podcast, 20 minutes and you'll lose your listeners, right? Absolutely. Especially in this day and age of, you know, instance, everybody wants a TikTok video about a few minutes and, you know, move on to the next thing. So it's used sound like you put together a really good program. Oh yeah, it's been inspiring and we've been reading the reviews, you know, that everyone's leaving as they listen to it and they really have been inspiring for me to know that, hey, I'm doing the right thing right now and it's allowed people that are had really, really traumatic experiences right now to have something to cling on to that's a little bit of them, you know, that helps them through a hard time. Oh, absolutely. And it's so important and it can make all the difference when when you're abused as a kid if even one person comes and tells you that it's not your fault and that you're not damaged goods can make a difference for the rest of their lives. Oh yes. Think about it, hearing these positive words really does make a difference. So you're you're doing a great thing. I've admired you from the very first minute I met you. Thank you. Yeah. And I had your daughter on and I had Jade come on and talk about that amazing program that she had with human trafficking and trafficking. So I know you just you do a lot of work with girls, right? You have a whole bunch of them called Gems. Tell us about that. Okay. So Gems is actually a program that's also near and dear to my heart because I'm inside of what's called science, technology, engineering and mathematics. Most people know it as STEM. You hear us talking about STEM all the time, getting children involved in STEM because about 80% of the jobs in the future will be tech technical jobs. So being that they'll be technical jobs, we want to make sure that we can allow children to get a head start on those jobs. So Gems came out maybe three or four years ago and it allows as a face-based organization for girls that allows them to be prepared but also to do things like engineering robotics, they get to travel and do multiple things that are centered around science, technology, engineering and mathematics and the goal for my program is really to make sure that the girls feel inspired but in a fun way because oftentimes just being inside of a highly technical field like myself, you don't see a lot of people that you can identify with. You know, you see one or two girls in those fields because most of all you have a men that have decided to go in those fields and nothing against men but we just want to make sure that we have the proper representation and to show girls that they can get in those fields and they can have fun too. Absolutely, I agree and now is the time for girls to get involved in this. Absolutely. As like you said, that's where the future is going. And I'd hate to have women be left behind in a sense of when it's so important for girls to be raising their voice, demanding equality, demanding equal pay, equal jobs, all of those things that Gems really helps empower these girls to do. Do you have a count of how many girls you've had go through your program? Oh, well, gosh, that's a lot. We've had, I would say over the last three years, probably maybe 40 to 50 girls go through because we try to keep the STEM classes small so that they remain intimate. The other thing that's really near and dear to my heart also is sisterhood. Having that sisterhood and that mentorship is important. Most kids that don't have mentorship tend to find themselves on really challenging paths. I had a mentor when I was young. She was a female police officer who really, really inspired me. And I don't know if where I'd be if I didn't have that platform growing up in high school, just to keep me centered. So that big thing is what we try to do with Gems is to make sure the girls have that mentorship and small groups so that they feel the attention that my men not be able to give them. That may not be able to give them on a full-time basis because, hey, Cynthia, we all work jobs and we are super busy. But I believe in children being raised by the whole community, if we can all just center around our kids, boy, we would have an awesome future and less chaos. Absolutely. I so agree with you. And it's so important for girls to know that they have that kind of support. Yes. So often, more and more, unfortunately, with this administration that all that misogyny that's sort of rising up to the surface again, we need our girls to speak out now more than ever to make sure that we don't end up back in the 50s. You know, we need to go forward. You know, you don't just mentor girls and the rest of the world. You're an engineer, right? Is that what you do for a living? Yeah. So I work on engineering types of equipment for the military, which is also a super awesome thing to do. And again, there's not very many females there. We're a very smart representation. But the awesome thing in it is that there is still sisterhood and we feel just as comfortable around our other cohorts, you know, just the same. And that's kind of why Jim's is there is to get the girls comfortable now. So that when they begin to transition into those highly technical fields, that they're comfortable and they can be successful. I mean, look at us. You're connected with me now. This is sisterhood and technology at its finest. You're ensuring that my voice gets out there and that the girls see that I have a space out there so that they know that they have programs to go to. And I support you. I mean, constantly when I see you on Facebook saying, hey, you know, thanks for what you're doing. So I think by showing them at a younger age, they'll be doing exactly what we're doing now at an older age. Absolutely. I agree. I just wanted to make sure we didn't gloss over the fact that you're not just out there with a podcast and a program. You have like a super high power job. Oh, yeah. And I'm retired. I'm retired and retired Navy. So I mean, I'm a pretty busy girl and I love volunteering. Don't forget that. I love volunteering. That's why I'm so happy to have you on today. This is let's let's put out those positive vibes and those positive stories that people can hold on to. So I also know that you have an amazing marriage and an amazing family. I know you're just graduated from high school. Yes. The twins just graduated from high school. And of course I have an older son too. He's in his mid 20s. So now me and my husband are what's considered empty nesters. So I never thought I could get to that point. But hey, I'm here and I'm really excited. They're happy about what is going to be coming inside of their futures. And of course they've planned for it. So we're excited about that. I mean, I couldn't be in a better place right now inside of the family. And also just inside of the marriage as a whole. Because we both know that with everything that's going on, especially right now with the pandemic, we have multiple things going on with the riots that we hear about and even that Black Lives Matter. All of those things can put stress on a family, which in turn puts stress on the marriage. So I believe that there's keys to a successful marriage. Things that you need to have in your back pocket just to be able to weather what you would call the chaos. Right. And you've got some very specific keys to a successful marriage, I believe. Oh, yeah. Okay, good. Well, just my opinion, Cynthia, this is just my opinion of what has allowed me and my husband to be together for over 20 years now. So I believe keeping God's center. So it's not just your opinion, honey. It's your experience. Oh, yes, absolutely. I think this. This is you know this. So work for me. Good. All right, so share it with all of us. Okay, so the first thing I would say is you have to keep God's center. So whatever you feel your higher being is, that should be center for your relationship. For me, it's of course God. God has been the center for me and my husband for, I mean years. We've worked the ministry together. We've worked outside the ministry together. And we both was in the military serving at the same time. So I don't know if we could have weathered the deployments because my husband was away for two years straight. We were separated. If we could have weathered that as a couple with twins and with my oldest son, plus traveling, plus the businesses that we've had, and just plus our family being able to deal with all those things that come inside of a marriage and still remaining healthy individually and healthy as a couple. So I believe having God there teaches you who you are and whose you are, which allows you to be a lot stronger in the walk that you have here on earth. Absolutely. If we can keep God in the center of our lives, I know I would never have been able to make it, especially through this last bad fall that I took and I almost bled to death. So it was pretty strong. And if I didn't have God to reach out to, and I don't think I would have made it. So I understand and I absolutely agree. What's the next key? I would say being able to forgive. You know, you have to be able to forgive. And this is not just in a marriage. This is in friendships. This isn't anything that is a relationship for you. If you can't forgive, because people are going to make mistakes, right? We are imperfect beings, and we're just trying to do the best we can every day with whatever cards we've been dealt. So in saying that, I believe that forgiveness is like up there. It is very important. That way you give people grace in those areas that maybe they're not meeting specific desires or needs that you want. But I believe by having that patience, that love and that kindness with them, just allows you to grow even that much more. But it most of all allows you to understand that other person a little bit better. And through that understanding, it just builds a stronger fabric and definitely a great relationship. So I'll give it. So I have a question then. Are you intentional about how you go about your forgiveness? Is it just like an automatic? I know I'm going to forgive you. Are there certain things that need to happen before that forgiveness kind of can come about? I mean, it's like, boy, you have to tell me you're sorry so I can forgive you. Oh my gosh, I laugh when you say you have to tell me you're sorry because I can remember in the first beginning years of our marriage, that was something that was really important for me. I just had to hear those words. I just need you to say you're sorry. But I've gotten to a place where, you know what? If I'm going to forgive, it's going to be a personal choice. Whether that person ever tells me they're sorry or not. This has to be a personal thing because forgiveness is really your ability to be free from whatever it is that you're upset about. As long as you're upset about and you're looking for someone to meet a need that they may not even be able to meet, then you're actually short changing yourself. Because for instance, today I could be having an awesome day but yet I'm still thinking about, wow, that person would have apologized to me. It just causes you not to be able to live the best you. So the goal in living the best you is I think you just need to come to terms with the fact that, hey, you know what? I'm going to forgive if this person doesn't give me or reciprocate exactly what I want. It's okay. I'm giving room for that by giving them grace. Maybe they haven't figured it out. Maybe they just don't know that that's important for you. If it's very important for you as a listener, I would say voice it. Tell the person. But make sure you tell them in love that you know what, hearing those words would really make me feel better. But knowing that if you don't hear the words, you have to accept this too, Cynthia. If you don't hear the words, you can have the power to let it go. Absolutely. Letting go is the key to forgiveness, right? That's that hard, difficult key. Yes. Okay, so you've got another key. Give us your next key. Okay. So I would say, and this is probably one if you were going to say, oh my gosh, I don't know how to do that. This is, it's okay to disagree. It's okay. Sometimes you have to disagree to disagree. This is one of those things that I'm going to tell you. It is like, it's a big sore for me. Because in the beginning, I just, I wanted you to be on board with what I was saying or to be as passionate about something that I was passionate about. And when I didn't see that or that person had a different point of view, it became a little bit challenging. But I think as I've matured over the years, and I think as most people mature, they get in a place where they begin to come, become full circle and get totally comfortable with disagreeing to disagree. I'm sure you have people come on the air all the time with different points of view. And when you have different points of view, you have to understand that it is totally okay to disagree. And I think what's happening in the society right now is the perfect example of learning how to disagree, to disagree. Absolutely. So give me some specifics on how you put these keys into effect during this COVID time. When we've all been locked up in the same house. Oh my gosh. Yes. And we've been extended to be sheltered in just a little bit longer. So, yes, it has definitely become challenging here with the different tasks and things that we have to juggle. Like I said earlier, the twins have graduated and we both have to juggle, you know, work with them, time with them, preparing for their future, whether it's college, whether it's learning how to do taxes, et cetera, et cetera. And the truth of the matter is me and my husband are two different people with two different points of view. We've been raised by two different families. So you got these two people coming together, trying to form what's called the us, our own bond, our own traditions. And sometimes that becomes very challenging because he may have a different point of view than I have. But we've learned to say, you know what? We trust. We trust each other that we both have what's in common is the love for our child. And that is what we focus on. We focus on what we have in common and what we don't have that's different because the minute we begin to focus on things that are different, then it kind of pulls at who we are as a couple. So when we focus on the us and put those things into place saying, okay, hey, this is his point of view. Hey, I'm willing to go with that. I know he loves the kids just as much as I do. It's always positive as well, whether he's making a decision, I'm making a decision or we're coming together to figure out how to make the decision. It always comes out for the good because we both want what's right for that particular situation. Thought is some good advice. I like that. Agree to disagree is probably one of the most important. Well, I don't know. All three of these keys are... You have any other like gems in there? And I mean, J E M's in there? Or I guess it is gems. It's still gems. Oh yeah, G E M's, sorry. Oh well, do you have any other little nuggets? There we go. Do you have any other little nuggets for us? Oh yeah, I would say, and this is probably one that is kind of challenging for couples, is learning how to spend time alone outside of the us. They're still an individual person that makes up the us. So I believe having that individual time just to pursue the things that you love, the things that make you feel good. Because when you feel good about yourself and you know that you're growing as an individual, it's then that I feel good inside of the relationship. But if I feel absolutely terrible in the relationship because I feel that I haven't obtained things that I wanted to obtain, maybe you wanted to get an education and you didn't get an education and because you have to raise the kids or maybe that person, your husband had to work an extra job so he didn't get to finish something he really wanted to do. Maybe he wanted to paint. I mean, you don't know, but we have individual aspirations. With those individual aspirations, we have to focus to make sure that we take time for ourselves so we can develop into the best you that you can be not competing against anyone else competing against yourself. Once you become that best you, then you feel good inside of a relationship. But if you're not healthy, there's no way you can bring anything to a relationship. That's so true. I think it's always important to keep your own interests alive. And that's like the age old textbook. Make sure you do this for your relationship because otherwise, you just get swallowed up by the other person. And then in your first marriage, I just got sucked up into my first husband because of the whole life. He, well, he would discourage any of the outside activities. But to have a healthy relationship, you need to be a whole healthy person. Absolutely right. Otherwise, the person that has fallen in love with you, the you is gone. So who are they now? Right? No, you are right. You are so right about that. And you see it all the time where people become so self, they either become too self-absorbed and they forget that they have to sacrifice for the us of the marriage or they forgive who they are entirely. I'm not saying that this is the case in all cases, but I'm saying, in a lot of the cases that I've observed and I've seen that people become scared over the years to be an individual or to begin to love themselves as an individual and pursue those individual aspirations. Again, they actually start to think that it's a bad thing and that's not a bad thing. That's why your spouse married you because you were an individual that they fell in love with and you cannot lose that fabric of yourself inside of the world of a marriage. Exactly. Because you do, you just get absorbed, sort of get absorbed into the other person. Yeah. And then they turn around and then you turn around and go, I don't really like this guy. He's keeping me in a box. Nothing now. I think that's the important thing to remember to keep yourself strong and keep your interest. Absolutely. Absolutely. I loved your parenting tips for all those parents out there that are struggling with how to entertain their kids, maybe if they're a little younger than yours, but say, I'm sure you have some tips for them and what you can maybe do to help since this lockdown is going longer and people are still, you know, shut up in a house. I know we only have a few more minutes, so I was hoping maybe you could give them some good advice on how to get through the rest of this. Oh, absolutely. Okay, so the big thing that we've been doing that's been really successful for us is on Sundays, we try to have our Bible study. And if you're not really heavily into your Bible, just having a time set aside consistently for that quality time for your family. And sometimes that time can be, you know what, we don't ever eat dinner together. Take this time to say, you know what, I'm going to make it a point that we have dinner together, even if it's just once a week, even if it's on Sundays, even if it's on Wednesdays, start somewhere where everyone puts down their cell phones and they begin to talk about things. And in the beginning, if the family is really big and highly technical into cell phones and different technologies, it's challenging because your kids, they don't want to put it down or even you, you're checking messages. But you have to stop and start to talk again. I believe when you start to talk again, then you start to discover the awesome thing that comes up when people come together and have a conversation. Absolutely. I so agree with that. I think one of the things that I see out there is people don't want to talk about all these important issues that are going on. Yes, that's important. And it's so, because they're scared. The kids hear it, they hear the bits and pieces of the news. They hear the bits and pieces of what people say out in the world. And they're scared. Yes. And they don't even know how to ask the questions. I think it's so important for parents to sit down with their kids and talk to them about what's going on. And yeah, if you can't somehow ease some of their fears, talk about the things in a kid, a child kind of a frame. Don't try to talk to them about all this stuff in adult terms, but use kids' family terms. And I think it's even a news program now that's on CBS. I can't remember. Maybe it's NBC. I'm sorry. I can't remember which one. But it's one of the main channels and it's news for kids. And then it's news for kids. So that's another thing I want to throw out there to the parents if you want to talk to your kids. Listen to Yasmin's podcast or hit her up on Gems and Gems Honolulu, right? Gemshonolulu.com We've already showed you some of the websites where you can find her. Yasmin, I want to thank you so much for coming. For having me, Cynthia. Thank you. Maybe we had this show planned before I got injured and it's been three months in the coming. Oh my gosh, I'm so grateful. So great. But I want you to know how much I admire you. How much I appreciate everything that you do in this world. You are a powerful force for positivity. A positive force for this troubled world. I love it. Thank you so much for coming. And I really want to thank everyone else for being here. This has been finding respect in the chaos. Thanks. Join me again two o'clock every other Wednesday. Next week I'm going to have another great guest. So don't miss it. See you then.