 Kraft presents the Great Gilder Sleeve. Yeah! Kraft Cheese Company, makers of Parquet Margin, and a complete line of famous quality food products, presents Harold Perry as the Great Gilder Sleeve. Kraft brings you the Great Gilder Sleeve every week at this time, written by John Whedon and Sam Moore. We're from the Great Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. You know, there are actually a hundred different ways to tempt family appetites with Fab Steppe, the delicious golden cheese food. And since there's only time to tell you a few, here goes. Serve baked potato with a golden Fab Steppe cheese sauce, melting into the potatoes' mealy goodness. Spinach creamed with Fab Steppe is another delicious treat. Dates or prunes stuffed with Fab Steppe make a grand nourishing salad and casseroles of macaroni or fish, what grand eating they make when you add the mellow cheddar cheese flavor of Fab Steppe. For a delightful between meal snack, serve graham crackers spread with Fab Steppe or combine Fab Steppe with jelly for a marvelous sandwich filling. Yes, there's simply no end of ways to please family appetites with the wholesome cheese goodness of Fab Steppe. So look for the familiar round, flat package on your dealer's shelf, and whatever you can buy delicious nourishing Fab Steppe. Come with us now to Summerfield in the merry month of May. For the first time this season, the sun is hot today, really hot, and life in Summerfield is slowed down to a walk. Birds are singing and children stop to listen to them. Flies are buzzing and people are thinking it's time to put up their screens, but not doing anything about it. There won't be enough business done in the whole town today to pay the overhead on Peabee's drugstore. And the great Gildersleeve, where is he? Well, the commissioner is in his office at the city hall with the door closed, his coat off, his feet up on the desk, the window wide open, the afternoon sun warming his back. Under his feet lies a stack of mail, still unread. What he's reading over and over is a note from his lady love. He knows it by heart now, every word, and still he reads it, because it seems to bring to him the sweet music of her voice. My dear, dear Throgmorton. Will you think it's silly of me I wonder to write to you this way when I could pick up the phone and call you, when I shall be seeing you again tomorrow anyway? Think it's silly, Eve, how could I? It's just that there's so much to say, darling, and when we're together it's so difficult somehow to find words to say it. I have the feeling at times that you too are tongue-tied, that you'd like to say things that you can't. Oh, that's so true, Eve. That's so true. Why, if I could say the things that are in my heart, I'd be a poet. Anyway, this is my little way of bringing you closer to me when we're apart, and I hope it will bring me closer to you. It's late afternoon now. I'm sitting at my writing desk, the little Rosewood one that mother gave me, and the radio's playing softly in the next room. It's a program that's on every afternoon called Tea Time Melodies. I wonder if you ever listen to it. Oh, I must make a note of that. Tea Time Melodies. I like to think that you might even be listening to it now, because guess what they're playing, darling? They're playing Tea For Two. Do you remember? Do you remember the first time I held my hand? Do I? It was before you told me you loved me, even. You held my hand, and you sang it to me softly. And so sweet. Upon my knees with tea for two and two for tea, it's me for you and you. What's the name of John Philip Susan? What's going on out there? Your truck is some kind with a loudspeaker. Where? Let me see. It's that truck down there with the flags all over it. See, it's got a sign on it. Vote for Ter Williger. Retain the incumbent. Vote for Mayor Ter Williger at the primaries on June 20th. He's given us four years of good government. Let's have four more. Vote for Ter Williger. Retain the incumbent. Retain the incumbents. Celebration of some kind? It's nothing. It's a plot. A dirty political plot. Ter Williger paraded that truck past here deliberately. He did it to annoy me. He's just trying to get my goat. Well, if he thinks he's going to get my goat, he's mistaken. I'm just good and mad. That's all. Yes, sir. Parading past a city hall like that. Why is it disgrace? It's an attempt to corrupt civil servants. That's what it is. He's trying to sway him. It's an outrage. There's nothing else I can do, Mr. Gildersleeve. Yes, Bessie. If that truck comes by again, don't listen to it. Ignore it. Yes, sir. Mr. Gildersleeve, what is an incumbent? An incumbent, Bessie, is a political slug. A leech. You find them under rocks. Oh, I see. I'm joking, Bessie. An incumbent is anyone who's holding office. You mean like you're the water commissioner. So you're an incumbent. Well, they're good incumbents and bad incumbents. Well, how do you tell which are the good ones and which are the bad ones? Just come and ask me. I'll get out of here, will you, Bessie? Let me get back to my work. If you don't mind, Mr. Gildersleeve, I'll be out of the office for a few more minutes. I wish you would be. Now, my dear, dear, Throckmorton. My dear, dear, Throckmorton. My dear, dear, dear Eve. My dear, darling Eve. My dear, sweet, lovely, beautiful Eve. Hmm. And she sealed it with a kiss. Right here. Hmm. Hooker, who let you in? Nobody. The door was open. Oh, that Bessie. What goes on, Gildy? What were you... I just happened to be reading a letter. Is there anything wrong in that? Uh, it was from an old college chum. Oh, I see. You boys must have been very fond of each other. Hooker, what do you want? I've come here to give you a word of advice, Gildy. Keep your advice. I don't want any. You asked me to act as your campaign manager, did you not? In a moment of weakness, I did. In a moment of weakness, I consented. Yes. Now, as your involuntary campaign manager, I should like to call attention to the fact that I haven't observed any campaigning lately. Not on your part. I've been busy. I know. So has Mr. Williger. He's been very busy. Only he's been busy campaigning, not lollygagging. Hooker, I do not lollygag. Listen, did you hear that truck just went by? Yes, I heard it. Retain the incumbent. That's what's going on all over. Billboards throw away ads in the newspaper. The opposition is really going to town. They're spending money like crazy. What are you doing about it? I'll do something. Don't worry, Hooker. I'll do plenty when the time comes. I'm just waiting for the psychological moment. Kindly let me know when it arrives. Meantime, you may contact me at Dolan's pool room. Goodbye, lover. Goat chase yourself, you old goat. Bessie, Bessie, is that you? Do you want me, Mr. Goat, to see him? Yes. Bessie, do you ever listen to the radio? Oh, yes. My favorite's Red Skeleton. He just kills me when he's being a bad little boy and when he says, howdy-doody. Honest, I scream. Don't you think he says scream, Mr. Gilda Sleeves? But the program I'm interested in right now, Bessie, happens to be Tea Time Melodies. Do you ever listen to it? Oh, my mom does. She never misses it. Every day at 5.30, she does. 5.30? Oh, my goodness, I gotta go. Close up before you leave, will you, Bessie? See the lights are turned off and the window's closed and don't forget to put the cat out. Going now, Mr. Gilda Sleeves? Yes, an appointment. I forgot it, but then I remembered it. Leroy, this is a community living room. Marjorie is just as much right here as you have. Oh, yeah? Does she let me stay here when Wally Hoff comes over and they want to sit on the sofa? Wally Hoff has now come near the place in three months. Yeah, but don't you wish he would? I do not. So, Wally, I never wanted to see him again. You didn't think you'd take you up on it though, did you? Leroy, sometimes I just... Stop at both of you. Stop fighting and quiet down. Eat God. Sometimes I don't know whether I'm a nuncle or an umpire. I came home to listen to a radio program and I wanted quiet. Do you understand? Quiet. Quiet, Leroy. Ouch! Leroy? I never touched her. Either you sit down and keep quiet or go up your room. I better go up to my room. Did you show your uncle what they went and did? Oh, no. What? Who did, Bertie? I don't know. Some men came and they put up a great big billboard. With a picture of a mayor on it. Where, Bertie? Look out the side window there. If I got to have that big fat incumbent looking at me every morning when I sit down to breakfast, by George, I'm going to see my lawyer. I think you should. No, that won't do any good. My lawyer's judge hooker. Besides, that billboard was just put there to get my goat. Well, ain't there something that can be done? They've gone and messed up the viewing hall. Yes, Bertie. There is something that can be done. Pull down the shape. Pull it down and keep it down. I thought you'd gone up your room. I did, but I came down again. You want to see a trick? No. All right, take a card. Any card. No tricks, Leroy. I have a radio program I want to hear. And by George, I'm going to hear it. Alone. A radio just... Leroy, too, my dear. I know. It's 5.30. Better turn on the radio. Pull up a chair and have a little piece for change. I wonder if Eve is listening. How bet she is. Two hearts that beat as one. Radio is wonderful. The U.S. and U.M. are Summerfield. Uh, just in time. At each time melodies, the program originally scheduled will not be heard at this time. Oh. Instead, we present at this time a talk by the Honorable Cyrus Peter Williger, Mayor of Summerfield. What? Mayor Joe Williger. I won't listen to it. Don't listen to it, Eve. My very... Well, I'll just listen a little. The time has come. The time has come, my friends, to face facts. You don't dare. That I have many times. Yeah, you bet you have. I have many times. You bet. But he will another vacancy. He's libel, Mr. Williger. That does it. You want action, eh, Mayor? All right, you'll get it. Why don't you answer? Why don't you stop saying hello? Listen, Judge. Mr. Williger just made a speech about me on the radio. I know. I'm listening to it right now. He called me a boondogner. That's nothing. Did you hear the other things he called you? Listen, you old rooster. Get busy. Get up off your tail feathers and get out of that radio station. Tell him I want to answer to Williger. But guilty. I want you to arrange for him to put me on the air tomorrow night. But guilty. Do you realize? Don't argue about it, Judge. Do it. I'm going to give the people of this town a near full. And by George, it won't be any tea-time melody. The Great Guilty Sleeve will be with us again in just a few seconds. Until the war is won, you homemakers won't be able to buy all the smooth, wholesome, fab stats you want because vast quantities of dairy foods are being sent to our fighting fronts. But remember, each package of gold and delicious fab stat cheese food you do buy goes a long way by lending its mellow, appetizing cheese flavor to other, more plentiful foods. You see, fab stat melts with such luscious smoothness. It's no trick at all to whip up tempting fab stat omelettes, Welsh rabbits, souffleys, and repair all kinds of grand macaroni and cheese dishes with fab stat. You can get delicious sandwich variety with fab stat, too, because it blends so smoothly with other ingredients. Fab stat is high in muscle-building milk protein, helps provide food energy, milk minerals, and important vitamin A. So look for, ask for, and when you can, buy this delicious nourishing food, fab stat. Now, let's get back to the Great Guilty Sleeve. He's had a night of dreams in which he's pursued by little demons screaming at him. I say demons. But he's followed it with a day of purposeful and fairly fruitful activity. Judge Hooker has arranged for him to broadcast a television WSUM. He's written a speech with which he's mightily pleased, and now he's hurrying home to supper. But what is this he sees in Pee-Vee's window? Oh, Pee-Vee, my old friend. He can't do this to me. Pee-Vee. Well, good afternoon, Mr. Gallagher. What can I do for you this fine day? Don't you try to soft-soap me, Pee-Vee. What's that Trewilliger poster doing in your window? That won't hurt Trewilliger. Ask me to put it in there. But I'm your friend, Pee-Vee. Trewilliger is just a stranger. I know, but he's a potential customer. Customer? You're money-mad, Pee-Vee. Oh, no, I wouldn't say that. Anything to get more customers. Anything to make a few more dollars. Well, there's two ways of looking at that. One is, I'm in business and I have to make a small profit. The other is, I'm performing a service. If I can extend a circle of my service, I feel I'm helping the community. You mean you're stealing a customer from the Atlas Drug Company? Mr. Gildersley, there's plenty of room for Pee-Vee's drug store and the Atlas. Pee-Vee, you're nothing but a hypocrite. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. I tried to be fair to all my customers, Mr. Gildersley. That's why I put your poster in the window and Trewilliger's. Confounded, Pee-Vee. Can't you see that politics is not the same as peddling pills? Politics is a matter of convictions. You've got to be for me or Trewilliger. You can't be for both. Now, which are you for? Well, there's two ways of looking at that. That's ridiculous. You're trying to mix business and politics and it can't be done. Well, now, there's two sides to that question. There's only one. Are you for me or Trewilliger? Mr. Gildersley, I like to look at these things from several angles. Quit stalling. Quit stalling, Pee-Vee. Who are you for? I haven't decided yet. Pee-Vee, I demand that you remove that Trewilliger poster from your window. Oh, dear. Mr. Gildersley, really, I couldn't do that. If you value my friendship, you will. Oh, I do. I do value it only... Well? Well, I promised Mayor Trewilliger I'd leave him in there until the primaries, June 20th. But I'll tell you what I could do. What? I could put a war-bond poster in front of him. You're pretty cagey, Pee-Vee. I don't know, I wouldn't say that. There you are, Mr. Gildersley. Oh, that's fine, Pee-Vee. Not a trace of Trewilliger to be seen. A much obliged. If you have any doubts that you're doing the right thing, just listen to my broadcast at 9.15 tonight. You're going on the air? Yeah. Just tune in station WSUM at 9.15, and you'll hear me put the blast on Trewilliger, Pee-Vee. I'll pull no punches. Well, I'm certainly trying to hear that. Listen in and tell your friends to listen, Pee-Vee. Hello. Good-bye, Mr. Gildersley. Politics, politics, I wonder. Now, what can I put in front of that Gildersley poster? Throckmorton, are you sure you wouldn't like one of us to go down to the radio station with you? No thanks, Eve, I'll be all right. You just stay here and listen with the family. I'd be glad to go along, Gildersley, if you want me. You just make me nervous, Judge. Can I go on? I've never seen a radio station. Leroy, I can't think of any situation in which you'd be more of a nuisance. Oh, sound effects. Now, Leroy, you stay here and listen over the air. It'll be much more exciting that way. OK, Miss Goodwin, you want to see a good trick? What kind of a trick? Leroy, we'll have no tricks now, please. I've only got a few minutes before I leave, so just let us talk, if you don't mind. I wouldn't interrupt. Miss Goodwin could take a card, and you could just keep talking. Take any card, Miss Goodwin. All right. Are you sure you don't want the judge to look over your speech, Thracmorton? No, Eve. Just wait to hear it. Now, place the card back in the deck, please. Like this? That's fine. Thracmorton, I hope you won't be abusive or personal in your speech. Certainly not. I'll hit straight from the shoulder. Well, I don't mind that. Oh, I forgot to tell you. You have to remember the card you drew. No, no, Leroy, I don't. It was the Queen of Spades. Oh, for corn sake. Judge, you didn't have to tell. Now, you spoiled the trick. Take another card, Miss Goodwin. Leroy, stop that. It's impossible for us to talk with this confounded board of a lack going on. Okay, okay. Go ahead and talk. Politics, blah, blah, blah, blah. Cheerful young men. What I was saying, Thracmorton, was I see no reason for you to get personal just because Mayor Toboliger descended to the personal level. There'll be nothing personal about it, Eve. Just facts. What kind of facts, Gilly? The worst ones I could find. Thracmorton, that's the kind of thing you should be very careful about. Eve, it's my duty to tell the public the kind of man my opponent is. That's very low politics, Thracmorton. Well, Toboliger's a very low politician. I'll say that, too. I think that's all wrong, dear. Really, I do. Well, if I don't... Isn't it about time for you to leave for the studio? In just a minute, my dear, I... Take any card, Martin. Any card at all. Leroy, give me that deck of cards. Ah, please, huh? God, you think I was just sitting around the house? No, anybody realize I'm about to go in the air? We all realize it, Thracmorton. Now, you mustn't get yourself excited. But between Leroy and his card tricks and you and Hooker criticizing my speech, he goes... Now, Gilly, just keep cool. There's nothing to be nervous about. I'm not nervous. I just like to sit quietly for a minute before I have to go. All right. Now, let's all be quiet. Heaven's sake. Clear. Leroy, would you like me to cause you to disappear? Well, go ahead. That settles it. I'm leaving. By George, I don't see how politicians can stand. Stand for it, Thracmorton. Well, if they haven't got a family, they can't run. And if they have, they can't think. This way, Mr. Gildersleeve. The studio is right down the corridor. Quite an establishment you have here, Mr. Stagg. Oh, you're so right, Mr. Gildersleeve. Yes, WSUM has grown into a real institution. Oh, here's our announcer. Carl. Yes, Chief? This is Mr. Gildersleeve. He's making that political in Studio A at 9.15. This is Carl Crofit, Mr. Gildersleeve. Carl Crofit? Yes. Well, I've heard you on the air. Well, you must be a fan of teatime melodies, Mr. Gildersleeve. Oh, I never miss teatime melodies. Fine program. Well, we try to make it a little different. You know, the average program of recordings is sort of... Oh, well, you know. Yeah. I try to make our teatime hours say something to each listener. Great. We try to leave some lasting thought. Yeah, too willigar left some lasting thoughts yesterday. Well, I suppose I just leave you two here in the studio, and Carl can show you about the microphone and so on. Right. Yes. All right. Thank you, Mr. Stagg. Thank you. And now, Mr. Gildersleeve, would you prefer to speak standing up, sitting down? What difference does that make? Well, we in radio have quite a few little tricks. We find that some people are a little nervous standing up. On the other hand, some get short of breath sitting down. I'll stand up. That's fine. Now, suppose you just read me the first line or so of your speech. What for? Well, so I can show you where to stand. We in radio consider that very important. All right. Now, just a second till I run into the control. These announces, you'd think there was something hard about this. All I do is stand there and read. All right, Mr. Gildersleeve. Go ahead, please. Oh. Fellow citizens, I can state my political philosophy very briefly. You're a little too far from the mic, Mr. Gildersleeve. Oh, too far? Yes. Well, I'll move in a little. That's it. All right. Try it again, please. Fellow citizens, I can state my political philosophy very briefly. You're too close now. How about here? Oh, that's just fine. Fellow citizens, I can state. Oh, that's perfect. Don't move now. Come out and mark it with chalk. Chalk? This is right where I would have stood in the first place if he hadn't been so. Now, before I mark the spot, Mr. Gildersleeve, I'm just dying to know what is your political philosophy. Mayor Tuwilliger is a dirty crook. Oh, I'm sorry, but you can't say that. Why not? Well, we in radio have little rules and regulations, you know. Now, if I could just glance over your speech first. On one condition, I won't change a word of it. Oh, now, Mr. Gildersleeve, I know you're joking. Why don't you just call the mayor a political opportunist? Because he's a crook. Well, then call him a dishonest political opportunist. Will you agree to that? If I have to. That's the spirit, Mr. Gildersleeve. That's radio. Teamwork is the big thing to we in radio. Well, well, well, and how's our little political coming along? Oh, just fine, Mr. Stagg. Mr. Gildersleeve being very cooperative. Oh, that's good. So good. Mr. Gildersleeve, you'll be going on in just a few moments now, but there's a little formality to be taken care of. Oh, what's that? The matter of paying for the time. Paying? Yes, that'll be $75. $75? Listen here, Mr. Stagg. Mayor Terwilliger insulted me over your two-bit radio station. I'm simply demanding an opportunity to answer his unfounded charges. Perhaps I can explain, Mr. Gildersleeve. We in radio have our little rules and regulations. And one of them is that political candidates have to pay for a time on the air. Well, I don't know anything about that, and I'm not going to pay a cent. Oh, but I'm sure Judge Hooker understood that you... Judge Hooker didn't say a word about money. Well, we have to have it. Well, you won't get it. And I'm going on the radio anyway. Now, Mr. Gildersleeve, we in radio... We in radio give we in politics a big pain, brother. I stand on my constitutional rights. I'll send for my lawyer. Uh, what time is it, Judge? Just exactly 9.14, but my gold-watching chain won't be long now, as the monkey said when his tail got caught in a lawnmower. Ashley Roy, we ought to turn it down. The judge's watch may be wrong. Hadn't been wrong in 20 years, but I'll turn it on anyway. Gee, I wonder how Uncle sounds. He'll sound just fine. We're afraid he'll sound like Gildersleeve. I do hope he isn't nervous. You're S.E.M., The Voice of Summerfield. Due to circumstances beyond our control, the political broadcast originally scheduled for this time will not be heard. We present at this time the music of Chuck Haslett and his ensemble. Their first selection, blow that. Judge, what on earth could have happened? Can't imagine, Eve. I'll go call the station right away. Stop the music. Stop it. Please, please, Mr. Gildersleeve. I don't care what the rules are. I demand to be heard. Oh, Throckmorton. I don't want... Have you ever heard of Free Speech, brother? All right. You made a prime Jackass of yourself on the air. It was your fault, Hooker. Why didn't you tell me they wanted money? Well, I tried to. Maybe after this, you'll listen to me. You can't run a campaign without money. Yeah, I guess you're right, Judge. Well, I haven't got any. I guess I'm late. No, no. Don't be downhearted, Gildy. You've got a lot of friends in this town. Friends? How do you mean? Well, your friends will all be glad to contribute to your campaign fund. I don't believe it. No nonsense. Anybody that wouldn't give five dollars? At least no friend of yours. That's all. How much can I put you down for, Horace? The. Yeah. Let's start with you. Yeah. You see what I mean, folks? Good night, everybody. Music on this program is directed by Clark Sweet. This is Ken Carpenter speaking for the Craft Cheese Company makers of Marquee Margeron and a complete line of famous quality food products. Craft is by two. We'll listen to it again next week for the brother of by two, by the great Gildersley. And now listen real close, for here's the big, exciting food news of the day. Point values of Margeron have been sharply reduced by our government, cut from six points to only two ration points a pound. Think of it. Now, today, you can get your favorite spread-for-bread economical Marquee Margeron for only two ration points a pound. That is, grand news and sure to be welcomed by the millions of American families who enjoy Marquee Margeron every day as a delicious spread-for-bread. Great news, too, for you homemakers concerned about good family nutrition because Marquee is one of the best energy foods you can serve and is fortified by craft so that every pound of Marquee Margeron contains 9,000 units of vitamin A. So remember, it now takes only two ration points a pound for delicious nourishing Marquee, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Marquee Margeron made by craft.