 Hey everyone, this is Helena Hart and I'm so excited to be doing a live stream with Vex Burton today Vex is a dream builder and love coach who helps driven ambitious women Attract and maintain outrageous lasting love, and I hope I said that correctly Awesome. Welcome Vex. Thank you so much. I'm really excited for this topic today. Yeah Thank you so much Helena for having me and hello audience. Welcome. Thanks for being here I'm just double-checking to make sure everything's working And it looks like we're good So if you guys anything happens with the audio or video just let us know in the chat and any questions you guys have around this topic This is actually a super important topic. It's something I hear about all the time You know from women and that is what to do if you are feeling attached to a man Who you sense might be emotionally unavailable or you keep attracting men who are unavailable in some way Emotionally or otherwise and you're feeling frustrated or discouraged because what you really want is to attract that Emotionally available high quality man who's ready for a committed relationship. So Vex, I'm really excited and fired up about this topic Let's just jump right in what are some of the common like struggles or challenges You see with women who seem to be attracting or feeling attached to an emotionally unavailable man Sure, some of the the common struggles that that come out of this emotionally detached kind of relating would be Women craving more intimacy more connection in their relationship more communication more involvement in a man's world and if it's a woman who is consistently attracting unavailable men then You know, she's attracting these types of men and and desiring this kind of intimacy and connection Repeatedly not getting it feeling like she's giving more than her partner feeling like she's putting out more effort than her partner I mean, those are some of the ways that it shows up feeling like Yeah, feeling like you're not really ever getting to know a man feeling like She's got like a whole life that doesn't include you. That's another way that it shows up Those are some of the complaints that I hear from for women who attract consistently unavailable men. Oh Yeah, absolutely. I mean, we've all been there. I know I certainly have if you guys Everyone watching live there's 72 people watching live already Just wanted to say hi to everyone really quick by the way every time I look at my phone I'm just reading the reading the comments. I forgot to tell you before we started So hi to Janney Flordella Haiti Vanessa Margo Brenda. Yes, Vanessa says yes. He is hot and cold that happens all the time Yeah, no sign of emotionally unavailable man, right? Yes hot and cold. I'm available. What are you doing tonight? Oh tomorrow? No I'm not free. I'm not free for the next week Totally. Yeah, you know, he comes on really strong and then once it gets too close It's like too much intimacy and closeness for him and then he'll start to back off and drift away is what I've found Right. Yeah, absolutely and and to be to be honest women women can show up at this pattern as well And we don't always recognize it But like I I know for example, like I I was one of the women that was unavailable and not really showing up for my Relationship so it does go both ways But obviously we're we're speaking the majority of women today. So we'll speak into the unavailable man and And and that experience. Yeah, I'm so good. I was just you totally ruined my mind I was just gonna say, you know, oh, we can do this too by the way, especially if we're not really like all that into a guy But we like the attention is nice. We can be kind of like slippery, right? Like it and men do this too kind of hard to get a hold of hard to like pin down for a day in time to get together Thank you guys so much for all the comments to Keisha says I keep attracting unavailable men. What can I do about it? This is perfect. So let's let's jump right in what is what are some things you have women do or do you start with? Like the inner work. I'd love to hear your process Like let's say I was your client and I had this problem where I was attracting emotionally unavailable men What's the first thing you would have me do? Yeah, absolutely So I work with my clients and sort of like a three tiered system where they're I like to call them heart tunings And we absolutely start from the inside out and the first tuning that we look at is is tuning our Our our attitude or attitude about love So one of the very first things that I would be doing with a client is looking at our own belief system about love Our own attitudes about love relationships about men about Ourselves what we think we deserve what we what we want Because a lot of times, you know, it might be like kind of a funny way to look at it because it's like well The problem is with him. I'm attracting the unavailable man But if we look at it as okay, well, you've been attracting a series of unavailable men Then the common denominator is actually you so we look at what's really going on behind the scenes. What's what are How are we in some way creating this reality? How are we? Manifesting these unavailable men into our lives through the way that we think about love the way that we think about what we deserve And love what we think that we can or can't have in love And a lot of times there's a lot there's there's a lot of like Either conscious or subconscious story there that we're not even awake and aware to so You know a powerful move would be to be partnering up with a coach or doing some doing some research some reading Around what are some common beliefs or common limiting beliefs around love? and even like if you're already past that step then doing a whole brain dump of What are your beliefs around love around relationships because even if we know what we want even if we know In our head that what we're capable of attracting There's still there's still things that are underlying the surface that are sabotaging those efforts And that might be the the quiet Fear-based voice that pops up in the middle of the night or the you know that says that we can't have what we want Or again that quiet fear-based voice that pops into our head when we're at the gym and we see an attractive man But we we don't make eye contact or don't like connect with him because we don't feel like we Are enough we don't feel like we're attractive enough to catch his attention or hold his attention or Or or maybe we have a story about good-looking men and we just you know So really examining our our beliefs not only about love about relationships about men about ourselves That would be a foundational place to start And and that's kind of helping us tune our attitude about love It's so important, you know Because you can do everything that we say to do or what what I say to do in some of my videos Like oh, you know lean back get into your feminine energy But unless you're really kind of taking a look at your beliefs or what's causing you to either attract or stay attached to You know an emotionally unavailable man. It's you can't you know It's almost just like sticking a band-aid on a huge Totally right. Yeah, exactly. I say using putting a band-aid on what what actually calls for open heart surgery Oh, it's perfect. I love that so much. Oh my gosh. I'm gonna use that Yeah, so yeah, I know a lot of women kind of say things like well I refuse to believe that there's something in me that's actually attracting this, you know Something I say though, you know, if you're still there If you're still feeling strongly attached and and not able to let go of a man or move on From an emotionally unavailable man. I always say there's something to take a look at Right, absolutely And that actually leads me to sort of the second pillar that I work at in my in my your majesty coaching programs, which is Tuning our personal energy So the first sort of the first element that we look at is tuning our attitude about love and then we look at Tuning our personal energy like how are we showing up? Are we showing up as Desperate and needy and clingy and you know and don't get me wrong like we're humans We have needs but at the same time if you're consistently prioritizing your man and his needs above what you need What you want and who you are then you're whittling away What makes you attractive to men in the very first place is your authentic being so, you know, and I see this a lot I see, you know women who Maybe maybe they get to like this really radiant magnetic place But then once they attract a man in then the fear sets in like oh now I have to I have to shape shift. I have to fit the mold in order to Be what he wants me to be in order to maintain his attention to keep this attraction to keep this relationship going And when we do that like I said before we're we're literally Exiling the parts of ourselves that attracted him to us in the first place. So we're We're dimming our light. We're making ourselves small because maybe we think that we're too much Maybe we think that he can't handle us or in our full expression of emotions or in our full creativity But the truth is like I said before those are the things that that makes attractive to high quality men so when we when we can see what I really want to swear, but I'm not going to when we can see what a bfd we are which stands for a big flipping deal And hold ourselves in this queenly place this queenly place of and I sell this to my clients all the time I want you to write this down. I Am the treasure. I am the prize when we hold this in mind And we we put ourselves in that that treasure kind of state of mind then It's harder for us to shapeshift and People please our way into relationship And and therefore like attract these unavailable men because if you're if you're holding strong in your power in your bfdness or your queenliness in your personal majesty then like if if if a man Is not able to connect or if if he's not able to Hold space for that or handle that then he's just simply not your guy And you get to move on and this is this is kind of the tricky part because You know, we we we will get attached. You know, it's it's it's very often that we start to develop feelings And and want more from a man who clearly isn't able to offer us more I want to kind of just make a little a little detour here because if we are in relationship And we're finding that our emotional needs are not being met And we're suspecting that our man is Emotionally unavailable then that relationship at least deserves a conversation So it's not just like well, I'm going to get on my white horse and I'm going to be my personal queen And and like you can't give me what I want someone out of here But it's more like if you're in the relationship then you know, for example Years ago before I met my husband. I was in a relationship with what I called my mr. 80 percent Is this guy and we love mr. 80 percent. We love it. Love everything about him We get along great, you know, there's great chemistry synergy But that that 20 percent that's missing is Typically one of our non-negotiables like something that means so much to us in my case. It was commitment But I really had feelings for this guy. So instead of just jumping ship, which was my my historic mo I expressed to him vulnerably that I was starting to develop feelings for him and I was curious I was wanting to see where What was possible with our relationship what was possible for the two of us And he gave me a straight up answer like he was in the middle of a program and he like a Higher education program and he Spending more time in the whatever his story was he didn't have time and it wasn't a priority to him And here's the thing ladies like when a man tells you something like that You we have to listen to him and trust that he's telling the truth And sure I got pissed off, but like a couple of days later once it cooled off I recognize that he's telling me the truth and what a gift what a blessing that was Because then I could start to feel into all right Am I am I going to continue down this path with somebody who's clearly telling me that there's really no future for us Or am I going to release him with blessing knowing What a bfd. I am what a queen I am and like step in and trusting that I can have what I want Because after a while like once we are coming from that place of power and that place of self-worth Then it's only a matter of time before a man does step in who truly Is in pursuit energy who's like moving mountains to spend time with you who's wanting to prioritize you time with you your well being And I've seen it over and over again I love everything you said so much. I can't wait to just like dissect all of it. Everyone's loving that. I'm the treasure I am the prize that was phenomenal I I really like it's just so important because when we find that mr. 80 for the 120 people watching live Have you ever found that mr. 80 percent? That is like the most brilliant way to put it, you know Because the 20 percent is actually something that's really big like the commitment or right Those meant it's so easy to put them on a pedestal and you might have 10 other guys chasing you who are available But it's like we want this one guy that we can't quite he's like just slightly out of reach, right? He's just slightly at arm's length. It's great The chemistry is great the physical attractions there and we get these like rare feelings for him And then when he says something like i'm just not available, you know Or I can't give you what we want you deserve better all those things that those kind of guys say We look we try to look for evidence that he doesn't really mean that right He loves me and so he says he loves me. That's what we focus on It's so important to like believe him right believe what you're saying And that can be the hardest thing right especially if we don't feel that way about very many men, right? Right exactly, but he but he keeps but he keeps wanting to know what i'm doing So he keeps asking me out saturday and he keeps inviting me over on saturday nights It's like okay. Well, there's a reason for that, you know In fact, even when we had the release conversation, you know, he was saying well, you know We could still get together and and i'm like no actually we can't you know And this is the other thing is that we we will often have a breakup But then still stay emotionally or physically entangled with these men because it feels good because like we were saying before It's like it's like putting a band-aid on what really is calling for open heart surgery. It feels good It's a dopamine hit. It's like all of your neuro neuro transmitters. You feel good chemicals are firing off So we don't have to sit in that loneliness that longing that desire for that 360 full picture Of love that we actually really crave so it's like this stop gap But what what what happens when we're entertaining the men that we already know is not our guy Is that it's kicking the can down the road for the love that is lasting outrageous lifetime partnership Oh my gosh, I everyone to just rewind that minute or two and just watch it a hundred times I know i'm going to that was like one of the most powerful things I've heard somebody say on this topic. That is so huge. Oh my gosh that it can because it can't can be addicting It's like a it's like a drug that i've been there I this was the type of man I certainly used to be attracted to and attract the emotionally unavailable. There's something so like Intoxicating or even addicting about that because it was a part of myself that was deeply Emotionally unavailable like so afraid of commitment and true intimacy. So so that's where we both felt safe So that's when the chemistry can be off the charts and then we place meaning on that and we say things like Oh, well, he's my soulmate and we're meant to be together when when he's clearly as clearly as he possibly can Showing you all the signs that that he you know, isn't available for what he wants. I'm not a great question Let's see. What do you tell someone when we realize they're not emotionally available? Any any thoughts on that? I mean it depends on the situation if you're If you're just in the early stages, you might not even you know, if he drifts away But a lot of times these men come back around and try to keep like a foothold in your life, right? Right, right. Yeah, and I definitely I agree with you, Helena That it really depends on the situation like if you are if you're just dating somebody and it's it's just a few dates And you're getting getting the sense that this this person is really shut down This person has got 20 other priorities other than love Then there may not necessarily have to be a conversation directly about his availability or not because if you are consistently being let down If consistently your needs are not being met then the conversation simply just has to be like I This isn't this isn't working out for me And I really appreciate meeting you and I really hope you find what you're looking for Like simple as that now if you're in a relationship um, it is it's a little bit different because if you are wanting to hold on to the relationship because here's the thing it is possible for uh, someone who is not emotionally available to Eventually open up and connect Is like especially within the context of a relationship that they they deeply value so Because here's the thing like and this is kind of it's it's a little tricky not every emotionally available man is like wanting to be out of the relationship or Just because he's on a bit Emotionally available doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't crave intimacy or connection it's just that maybe Maybe that's never been taught to him or maybe that's a reflection of his early childhood programming So that's in in that case those are um, you know conversations around What your personal firsthand experience is right? We want to keep it in a in a first person experience because anytime we're pointing the finger or saying like you're not giving me what I need Then it's very easy for that to turn into conflict because we're pointing fingers And we're telling what the other person is or isn't doing and then they're going to be like, well, what do you know? You don't know anything about me and it's just creates more divide. However When you can summon the courage to be vulnerable and express to your partner what you're experiencing like I'm lonely in this relationship I'm experiencing distance. I'm I'm feeling sad because I I want more from you. I want more of you. I want more time with you I want more connection with you and feeling Ah, it just it makes me feel distant You know when we can come from that place that's that's actually a connecting conversation And if your partner really values the relationship, then he might If he values the relationship, then he will hear you and he'll lean in and he'll ask you questions or he'll Offer solutions or brainstorm with you, but it'll become like a team a team What am I trying to say I'm like a a team mission to create more intimacy and connection in the relationship Now if the man doesn't value the relationship if he has like I said 20 other priorities that are higher than the relationship or higher than you Or if he's if he's deeply wounded or like so shut down that he can't even hear you Then you'll know right away because he'll get defensive Or he'll gaslight you telling you that you're not experiencing what you're feeling or like, how can you say that? Like that's not that's not what we've got you know Or or like there's like 10 other ways that that it could it could show up But this is a clear sign that he doesn't the value of the relationship So those are some examples again, like I said, it's a little tricky because without knowing what kind of scenario you're in Like there's it's a little bit like choose your own adventure Like you're single if you're partnered with the man values the relationship if you're you know, or or do you value the relationship? I mean obviously like if you have emotional connection and you desire to be spending time with him Then yes, you you value the relationship. So then The relationship therefore deserves that kind of conversation I totally agree. Yes, someone asked earlier in the chat, you know, or they just commented They've been living with a man who's emotionally unavailable for I think she's a 23 years So hopefully that was helpful gave that were some you know amazing things to say And I love what you said and that the point of that is just to see what he does with that information Right is he want to work on things or not? And if he doesn't, you know, maybe that's your answer right there So that was really powerful. Yes. Thank you for that Someone else asked what do you say to someone who's not emotionally available who is a close old-time friend? Friendship turn passion. He's not seeing the future as a romantic partner yet. We're close friends Yeah, I wouldn't hold out hope for a man like that. Bex. What do you think? No I'm of the camp that like when a man want when a man identifies what he wants like there's nothing that will stop him to um To harness that to to go after that um, I The clients that I work with we're always on alert for men and pursuit energy and if You know And here's the thing like this is not the end all be all but the the truth is is that women who are Women that I work with who are driven ambitious successful Go getters type a we tend to be the pursuers And what that often attracts are More feminine energy men And I'm not saying that there's absolutely there's nothing wrong with that at all Like I have a very good girlfriend who's in that kind of dynamic relationship and they have a blast She runs the show And he does what she says and it's beautiful. It's great now That that just like that said Most of the women that that that I work with and I think you do too Helena are Are of the camp that they want to be that way in their in their professional life However, in their relationship, they want more of a balanced dynamic They want to be able to give and receive they want to Be able to lean back and be in their feminine. Um, I forgot what the original question was Oh, yeah, I was just going to say that sorry sometimes when my guests are talking I do weird things like drink coffee I'm a straw So, um, yeah, I was going to say that um, uh, You can't have it both ways, right? A lot of women they are that exactly your your typical client vexers strong ambitious amazing like kicking ass in the world like phenomenal things and uh, They want they have the tendency to run the show in their relationship But also actually what they want is a man who really cherishes her feelings and values her feelings and Can take charge sometimes so you often can't have it both ways right if you want a masculine energy partner You have to a lot of the times learn how to get in touch with this other with this other side So, um, yeah, no you you answered that question. That was great. Um, someone says let's see the friendship is important Can we go back to friendship? I mean it depends on the situation That's what would you say there was um, there was like, I think it was a friendship turned passionate He doesn't doesn't sound like he's ready for the kind of relationship. She wants Um, I would say if it's if that's preventing you from truly opening up to men who are really actually available If it's blocking you are relating to men who are available. You might want to let it go I mean that's what would you say about that? I would give it some space. Yeah for sure What i'm hearing is that there's a friendship dynamic. She's she's hot for him, but he's Not or he's like more interested in maintaining their friendship. So yeah in in that scenario um I mean there's Like I want I want to like If this woman and I were working together, I mean there there would be uh There would be the thought the invitation to take some space But in that space I'd have a series of questions that she asks herself Like she asks of herself like what are the qualities about this man that have her so Lid up about him because chances are And and this is what I know for sure is that we we fall in love with like qualities and Personalities, but the truth is is that there are six seven billion people on this planet And so that one person is not going to be the only person that represents these qualities So when we can really get in touch with what this man represents in her life Versus like who he is is a person and like what they have together When she can kind of just take like a couple of degrees of separation and really examine like What is it that I love and appreciate about this man? What is a little that I love and appreciate about myself when I'm around him? And then we can start to ask the question Okay, and then how would I wish my future beloved to show up differently? Because the truth is I mean this friendship dynamic is kind of like an 80% relationship Where you know the friendship short totally fine good as friends, but She's not getting pursued. She's not getting romantic interest. She's not receiving She's she's not receiving him or he is not Um Relive this is what happens on that video. We think about what I'm saying, um Yeah, like he's he's he's just not there And so When we're in that situation, whether it be a friend or a mr. 80 percent We really have to ask ourselves like Am I honoring myself and my full picture of desire? By longing for this man And you know and I understand like it is difficult to just you know snap our fingers and cut feelings off And that's not what I'm asking her to do But it really comes back to this relationship with self. Am I honoring myself and my vision Of 360 degree full picture love by longing for this man who I know I can't have And even if it's I can't have him today Like what am I doing to honor my vision of 360 degree love? Like one of the one of the phrases that I offer my clients and I want you ladies to write this down too Is I love myself more than that I love myself more than that You know when I was when I was breaking up with my mr. 80 percent one of the things that came to my my cognition my my reality was I am better off on my own Then in a relationship wishing that it was something different You know because we can and and for the My heart goes out to the woman who's been living with an unavailable emotionally unavailable man for 23 years You know that is that's a really long time to invest in a relationship where your needs are not being met You know and so then that begs the question. Do you love yourself more than that? Do you um You know are you would you be better off on your own than in a relationship wishing it was something different I know being on our own especially even in relationship for a really long time It can be a scary Flipping leap. I really want to swear I don't know. I'm not why I'm not I think it's because it's live and it's youtube. I don't know But yeah, I mean it's just you know, we're we're I forgot what I was going that I got got all caught up with looking good and not swearing but um Yeah, it's it's like I said, okay leaving leaving long term relationship with an emotionally unavailable man can be Can be scary. Absolutely. However, like you're creative being you're a human that has like creative capacities to to figure things out you have community you have connection you can figure it out Like you you can absolutely figure it out. You can lean on your people and and and work it out I mean I I was coaching another client kind of through the same thing yet an engagement breaking up and You know and he didn't have a place to live and it's just terrified and I'm like dude you you have You have climbed mountains. You've jumped off bridges. You can fucking figure it out Like and it's gonna be okay Like things are always working out things are always working out. They may not feel good But if we can have that mentality that things are always working out Then we can always be looking for how is this working out in my favor even though it doesn't feel good I went off on like seven crazy tensions there No, I just love everything you said it. Yeah, so often what happens is um, the woman, you know detaches herself emotionally Or energetically from this emotionally unavailable type of man and then Looks back and oh my gosh It's the best thing that that could have ever happened But when you're in it and you're feeling rejected and your ego is crushed and you're trying to just like hang on to Whatever you can it's it's gonna be hard to see that but I what I love about what you said It's like zooming out and getting this bigger view. I love that you call like a 360 degree view of your life Because it can be easy to like zoom in on these guys and focus so hard on them and just try to pull out of them Whatever that 20 percent that that you're not getting so that was very powerful. Thank you for that Let's see someone asked the difference between Emotionally help us identify the difference between narcissistic men and emotionally unavailable men Do you have anything on that? The very first thing that comes to mind is like, um The rhombus and square Like a square is always a rhombus, but a rhombus is not always a square And I know this is a weird analogy, but stay with me. So, um A narcissist is always emotionally unavailable However, an emotionally unavailable man is not always a narcissist So what I mean by that is that someone who has narcissistic tendencies or Like bonafide narcissistic personality disorder because there are two different things and if you don't know then you should google it and look it up um, but the that those those those folks are Going to be emotionally unavailable no matter what and they're um Yeah, going to be prioritizing themselves and their needs and their feelings and their stories and their communication everything Above what you have to say now. They might be connected. They might have Um a connection with you, but it's it's all about them Versus an emotionally unavailable man who is not necessarily a narcissist tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder Is just less likely to open up less likely to share his experience Um less likely to share his feelings Um less likely to be vulnerable with you so it's It's it's interesting because it's for me the way they show up is like almost like opposite ends of the same spectrum where someone with a narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic tendencies is going to be Possibly potentially like very connected and very talkative and very up in your up in your grill But again, like I said always about that versus We swing the pendulum to the opposite side and someone who's emotionally unavailable is Not Yeah, just not not connecting in in the ways that you're desiring not sharing Their world with you not bringing you in um Like an example. I had a client who got out of a relationship Uh that she was with with a guy for about a year and a half and she had Introduced him to his parents or her her parents introduced him to her friends Brought him to dinner parties and like was really bringing him into her world But in a year and a half she never met his parents She never met a single one of his friends. She didn't know hardly anything about his Day-to-day life in his in his career, you know, so I mean that's that's the kind of Behavior that somebody who's emotionally involved. That's it's a little bit of an extreme, but that's an example Yeah, I can totally feel the difference the way you explain that that's so interesting where you said a narcissist is It's pretty much always emotionally unavailable But just because someone's emotionally unavailable doesn't mean that they're narcissistic. Yeah, I totally agree Someone else asks a good question. Does an emotionally unavailable man want to connect on a deeper level? But it's too afraid to or doesn't know how or the intention or do they intentionally want to hurt the other person It's hard to not take it personally Yeah, I would say that it's it's often not intentional and they often really do care and they're not trying to hurt you Bex what what's your take on that? Yeah, I agree with you, Helena it's often more often than not unintentional and more based on insecurity and fear of getting it wrong or insecurity of pleasing you or making you happy or Oh, yeah, I mean it's or or whatever Childhood programming that the man is bringing to a table of like, you know constantly being criticized by his mother And maybe that that caused him to shut down in that department So it's it's not often that he's trying to be malicious or trying to cause harm and yes girlfriend It is so hard not to take it personally And this is where your personal majesty and your own Self-care practices self love and compassion practices self awareness self reflection All of those things are so vital because what what tends to happen is we we experience the emotionally unavailable man And he's not trying to do this on purpose But then we react and then when we react because we're taking it personally Then we get caught up in this downward chip storm of a downward spiral and then it's just like conflict city so um What what she mentioned the woman who asked the question about It's hard not to take it personally. She is spot on that is absolutely true It is hard not to take it personally. However, it is our responsibility to To recognize what's happening within ourselves and to either communicate it or to work through it on her own Or you know, whatever whatever that answer is But if we want to create more intimacy then reaction is like the last like just not not the way to go Yeah, I yeah, I totally agree. Yeah, great questions coming in. Uh, sandra asked. Do they ever come around? Such a great question. Uh, my experience. I am very familiar with this type of man This is my experience and what I see in my clients typically when you you know, take your focus off of them You start working on yourself getting in touch with what you truly want and you zoom out a little bit, right? You kind of stop that laser focus. Um, maybe you stop initiating contact You stop trying to get together with him. You start dating other men. Yes This type of man usually comes back around but then what typically happens Unless he's done some kind of deep internal work on himself He sort of uh hits a wall in terms of what he's capable of, right? The the minute you have like a hint of expectations about a potential relationship or or something Or you get too close typically this kind of man all of a sudden his fears his unreadiness Basically like where he's at will come rushing back and he's just the same Unavailable guy who always was now of course every situation is different. That is what I've seen very very often Bex, what would you say with this question? Do they ever come around? Yeah, that's that's another tricky one. I think the waters run deep on that Helena. I I love how you described it I I definitely see that happening in uh clients lives Um, you know in the case of my mr. 80 percent I I didn't stick around long enough to find out Because I knew there was just this knowing with ever every fiber of my being that I was Worth more than somebody who just wanted to hook up on saturdays and like go out for laughs And I just I knew that I wanted more and I knew that I I was I knew that I wanted more and I was worth more And I had zero evidence that it was available to me I had zero evidence that it was possible But I just I leaned into that knowing that trust And and and and then I let go of the vision I let go of it and I went like you were describing Helena deep into myself deep into my passions deep into my creativity and started like changing the world in my my little pocket of the world at that time And sure enough extraordinary love showed up at well showed up in my inbox, but um So yeah, I mean, I I think it could go both ways, but you know if If you've had the conversations if you've spoken about your experience your feelings your needs What what you need from the relationship what you're hoping to create with this person and you're still not getting those met then I wouldn't stick around That's just me I totally I mean I obviously completely agree with that. Yeah, totally brilliant. Um, there's a question from let's see rose This is this question kind of came up over and over again this theme of like he states He doesn't want marriage. He's emotionally unavailable, but he also won't go away She said his behavior screams that he wants to have his cake and eat it too, but he is actually faithful Um, what what would you say to a woman who you know the guy hangs around right? Like I said, he kind of keeps that foothold in your life He doesn't want to commit to Being with you, but he doesn't want to commit to like letting you go and not be with you too. Yeah What would you say for a woman who has an emotionally unavailable man who would kind of keep coming back around? I would say capital B boundaries Because there's something like it's a two-way street. There's something, you know, he he keeps showing up at the door But who keeps opening it? You know So and this this goes back to that that band aid feeling of like oh well when we spend time together It feels so good like I love the attention. I love the physicality. I love being held in his arms What I don't love is like the entire week or the entire month that we don't get to see each other He doesn't answer my calls or doesn't it, you know, so We women have a responsibility To recognize when the needs are not being met to create some boundaries and then skillfully uphold them You know, so it's not just like falling back into this gravitational hole of the warmth of his arms or his embrace And it feels good. I know But again coming back to I love myself more than that And honestly like it might take some courageous conversations where you've got to like really lay it out for the guy If you've already done that it might take some extreme measures like blocking him It doesn't you know like it blocking him on social media blocking him on your phone Changing your locks. I mean they might sound like super extreme measures But if he's not going away if he's not respecting your requests and your wishes Then he is crossing a boundary and the only way to really get that boundary locked and loaded and like expressed And to like let it land in him that you are no longer open for shop open Open shop for for play for fun for physicality for sex is to literally shut it down And it's hard girl I know it's hard But that's again and and I keep on talking about this obviously because helena and I were both coaches But this is where having a mentor or a guide or somebody in your corner is super helpful Because they're not like helena or somebody like I we're not going to let you fall back down that slippery slope Of what just feels good in the moment Sacrificing what you truly desire in relationship Oh my gosh. Yeah, this is like resonating so much with everybody. Yeah. Um, yes, Bridget says, thank you all set boundaries Uh, it becomes around. Thank you. Sandra says that happened recently. I decided to go silent on him I'm struggling with it. It is hard rose says. Yes. It really is it's almost like, um, you know, the It's like a roller coaster the highs are so incredible that it keeps you going through the lows, right? It's like the highs are so good those You know that the 20 of the time when things are great That keeps you going through the rest like you said the rest of the week when you don't really hear from him or He's like hot and cold, right? It can be the hardest thing. So that was a great answer. Thank you for that What are some before we close out? What are some like? I don't know. Maybe give us your top two or three tips for You know, um either dealing with someone who's emotionally unavailable or detaching yourself I mean, what are like some of your top tips for women in this situation? Absolutely Prioritize number one. Who's number one? You are your number one your number one and your number one So prioritizing yourself engaging in soul nourishing behaviors behaviors that light you up fill your cup make your heart sing Like let your world expand beyond this man Like we were talking earlier about like we can get so laser focused on on this guy and this relationship and what he's What he's giving you what he's not giving you like let your world expand I mean in my situation um, I went deep into creativity and and what was nourishing my soul at the time and I And and I created something like I I embarked on a mission. I was like so hooked on this mission of like Like being involved in something bigger than me You know and like hooking into something that would expand me and grow me that had nothing to do with men Nothing to do with relationships or dating so First and foremost Prioritize yourself and then give yourself a mission to expand yourself beyond love and relationships. Now. Here's the thing It's all interconnected. So as you expand as you grow as you push your own personal boundaries In creativity or your career or your own health or your relationship with spirit god source manifestation like you are You're creating the foundation you are stepping into your personal majesty Which is what makes you radiant and magnetic to high quality men So when you are so like loved up on yourself and your cup is so full that it's overflowing with awesomeness Like you're not even gonna have to work really hard to find a man. He's just he's literally Going to see you for who you are and he's gonna say Hot damn. I want some of that and then he's gonna let and then you get to experience pursued energy You know, I've seen this time and time again with my clients I have experienced this in my own life and seriously it is It's almost it's it's very paradoxical because like as much as we want this high quality outrageous Lasting love as much as we want that we have to love ourselves and nourish ourselves more than that And kind of like hold this vision for outrageous lasting love with this open hand So that source god magic universe has space and ability to work its magic on you so that when to when it shows up it's like Oh my god, I had no idea it could be this amazing. This is like this blows what I had in my imagination out of the water I had no idea like I I swear like like I said, I've seen it time and time again And so to detach just to sum up to detach just bring it back home bring it back to you and You know and one of the one of the ways that I work with my clients is kind of looking at like who we were when we were five six seven You know when we're when we're children Up until about seven or eight we live in this state of state where where everything is sort of like fantasy There's really no distinction between reality and fantasy play So when we're in that that young age, we're so free to be our authentic self to be just radically Unapologetically ourselves and so we start looking back at like who we were at those ages What did we love what lit us up and we start to Incorporate some of those Activities some of those behaviors some of those ways of being into who we are today And and that helps us get in touch with what I call your personal majesty the radiance the magnetism that attracts high quality love That is so beautiful. Thank you for that. I love that idea of expanding your world Right. I call it like zooming out and getting a bigger view to where You're not so laser focused and you're yourself worth and self-esteem isn't hinging on what this man is doing or not doing You know sometimes it can be um Our tendency can be to kind of like seek validation or if a man is not able to connect with you Emotionally or commit we take it to mean something about our own value, right? So I can see you how expanding your world zooming out everything we've been talking about Would you know your value does not decrease based on a man's inability to see it or connect or commit to you So that was that was beautiful. Uh, let's see what everyone is saying Sandra says well, I'm on the right track. Good advice Bridget says I'm glad I know I'm on the right track Tiffany says overflowing with awesomeness Yes, thank you detaching Beautiful. Thank you ladies. I'm the treasure. I am the prize. Um, okay. This is great. I'm so glad This is resonating that was about 150 people watching live now. So this is fantastic Bex. Thank you so much before we close out Let's let's talk a little bit. I know you have two free gifts for everyone They're in the description right now. So everyone watching can can go check those out. Let's hear about those Yeah, sure. So the first one is a three-part video series. It's called Uh soulmate love awaits you just as you are so you don't have to go change who you are or change up your whole life To attract the love that you want and it's a series of six mindful practices that help us open up to love And you can find that at Bex Burton coaching.com And then the second gift is a little bit more of an extended video series It's the top 10 energy leaks that sabotage us from attracting lasting love And these are conscious and subconscious behaviors that we engage in All the time that either leak our energy or create disconnecting energy And actually like I said before kick the cam down the road of attracting the love that we really desire You can find that on bexburton.com forward slash 10 energy leaks 10 with a number 10 And those all in is going to link up for you down here in the description so you can find them they're free and Um the 10 videos you'll get one email a day the videos are about four or five minutes long They're easy to digest and you'll be shocked at like how many of these energy leaks you might be engaging in now Or at any time in the past and as always I love hearing from the people who are tuning into my stuff So if you grab one of those free gifts, please please reach out and let me know what's landing for you What you see yourself in um because I love hearing from the people who are tuning in Amazing. Yes. Oh my gosh. Everyone go check those out. They're there right now So if you're watching this right now, you can just go click get the they're both free Totally free and bex has some amazing like free trainings or newsletters or phenomenal I always read them and I know you just do so many amazing things. Um, you're welcome. Everyone's saying thank you ladies Totally golden advice How often do you do these lives? I have a couple more coming up on fridays So I have one next friday the friday after that and then so for the next three fridays Um, you can come here. I also do them all the time on my channel bex I would love to do a live stream of you over on my channel if you if you want sometimes I love your advice is just so amazing. Someone's asking if you do training for men. Do you work with men? Very special men. Yes But majority of the work that I do is with uh driven ambitious women And then I do bring in very very elite men who are Absolutely ready to get serious about attracting love. Yes. I do speak with them and work with them too Okay. Yeah. Yeah, and for everyone asking if um, oh Matt's watching too. Hello Matt from commitment connection. He was just texting me. I think he just realized I'm doing a live stream on our channel I always love it when he watches. Um, yeah, so if you are subscribed to our channel and hit the little bell For everyone asking how often we do these live streams hit the bell notification and then you'll get notified I'm pretty sure if we're live, um, I'm pretty sure that's how it works And um, the upcoming ones are all scheduled if you just go to our channel You'll see for the next three Fridays. I have them coming up there at different times So just just check our check the home section of our channel to get those. So this was awesome. Bex. Thank you so much Again, you are so brilliant. Like I don't I don't think that very often about very many experts Like I love love love talking to you so much I hope we can do this again soon and everyone watching I would say watch this video again There's so much information in and I think you'll digest it totally differently And I just want everything you said Bex to like penetrate like the subconscious minds of everyone watching about how to And not just stick the band-aid on something that needs like open heart surgery. That was one of the most powerful things I've heard really anyone say on this topic. So thank you so much again. And then uh, hopefully we can talk soon Yeah, my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me and everybody Absolutely listen again and reach out to either one of us for for more support