 All right, today we're going to be talking about how to go from a casual friend with benefits type relationship to a committed one with a man. And today we're going to start off with a question from one of the women in our community where she says, hi, so I watch a lot of your videos on relationship stuff. I absolutely love them. Well, thank you. I appreciate you loving them and I'm glad that you get a lot of value out of them. She says, but I was wondering if you could make one about friend with benefits, about how it starts off with fuck F buddies, then goes into friend with benefits and then into a relationship. What are the signs he's getting feelings and wants to be with you more than that? I'm just so interested to know and I have friends that are too. So that's what we're going to be talking about today. How do things go from being in a casual kind of a situation into being into something where you're actually having a relationship together. So before we get started, if you're serious about getting into the relationship that you've always wanted, make sure that you go to the goddess community.com and consider joining our community there for free. So you're seeing a guy and you start hooking up casually. That's typically how it goes for a lot of the women in our community and you're thinking it's fun. Next thing you know, you're kind of catching feelings and you're feeling like really amazing and you start really liking this guy and maybe he starts really liking you too. However, maybe he still kind of says that you're just kind of friends or you're just friends with benefits or it's nothing serious or any of that. How do you know if it's going into something that's real? A lot of the women in our community are actually going through this. A lot of them are like what's going on and it's really, it can obviously be really confusing and frustrating. You're not alone in this. There's a lot of women that are going through this kind of a situation and a lot of them are really, they say that it's really confusing, really frustrating. They don't know what's going on. They're not sure how to kind of deal with it and so that's what we're going to be talking today about today. The first distinction that I kind of want to talk about here is the difference between a woman's, first of all, if you're watching this video right now, make sure that you say hi and tell us where you're watching this from in the chat. We love it when you say that and it's really cool. How do relationships get built according to women? Most women that I talk to, they have kind of this timeline of events that occurs in a relationship that means to her that things are kind of moving forward, that things are progressing, that she's moving into something deeper with a guy, that it's getting more serious and it kind of looks something like you meet a guy and you're kind of like friends and there's this chemistry or emotional connection and then you start hanging out together, maybe you hook up together and then you start meeting each other's friends, you start meeting each other's family, you start, he starts spending lots of time with you, he starts talking about you to his friends, he starts having you hang out with his family members, next thing you know there's a ring and next thing you know you're married, right? It's kind of like this progressive timeline that a lot of women talk to me about and say that that's kind of like what it means to kind of develop in a relationship. Well guys have a completely different timeline. So if you think that your timeline is his timeline, then you're definitely going to be confused here because for a man there is no step progression from meeting a woman to being in a deep relationship with her where he's actually committed. It's pretty much zero to a hundred. So he knows pretty quickly what kind of a category he slots you into as far as whether he wants to just be friends with benefits or whether he wants something long term or whether he wants to get married and then he learns a lot of information about you in the first initial dating phases and then around the three to six month point he knows absolutely certain what kind of a relationship that he wants to have with you and they've actually done studies on this where they've gone out and surveyed men about what period of time they are in the relationship and what thoughts they have in terms of what kind of a relationship that they want. It's pretty much unanimous that by the six month mark they know exactly what kind of a relationship that they want to have with you. And so the problem that a lot of women kind of run into is they think that because he's showing you to his friends or that he's showing you to his family or that he talks to his family or friends about you or that he spends a whole bunch of time with you or that he takes you on dates or that he does any of those things that that means that he's moving towards a relationship with you. It does not mean that and I know that can be shocking. It can be absolutely shocking to a lot of women but just because he takes you on dates just because he introduces you to his family just because he hangs out and spends lots of time with you just because he looks at you with googly eyes. None of that means that he wants or is moving towards a real relationship with you and a lot of women end up being completely delusional about this and they'll end up wasting months years and sometimes even decades in relationships where it's going absolutely nowhere and I know that can sound really really bad and really harsh. However, that's the truth of the matter and so I'm going to tell you here in a minute what you need to do about it so that you don't end up in a situation where you're spending there's women in our community just to let you know. There are women plural who are in our community who have spent between 12 and 17 years in casual relationships with men where they thought the relationship was progressing towards marriage and the guy never ever thought of her as anything more than a casual fling a friend with benefits 12 to 17 years think about that think about spending 12 to 17 years in a situation where you think it's moving towards marriage but it's not you don't want to be in that situation and so I'm going to show you here in a second how to make sure that you don't get stuck in that situation so first what I want to tell you is what not to do in this situation the first thing to not do is try to force it there's this usually is what most women that come into our community want to do they want to try to force or manipulate a man into having the kind of relationship that they want to have with them and so they'll use games they'll use manipulation tactics they'll use just all kinds of different techniques and tactics in order to try to trick this guy or force him to get into the relationship that they want him to be in and I'm just going to tell you that's a bad way to go if he figures out what you're doing he is going to lose all his trust for you and he might start playing games with you or he might just leave and never want to talk to you again because being in a relationship based on games sucks so the second thing that you don't want to do is wait it out and hope you end up in a relationship together and I just told you we've had women that have spent a long long time in situations where it was going nowhere and you don't want to be one of those the third thing that you don't want to do is try to convince him logically that you're good together or that you should be in a relationship together or show him all the different things by telling him about how your genetics would be really great with children or how you guys have so many things in common and that you shouldn't ever leave each other or any of the other logical arguments that you have about why you guys should be together that does not work and it only puts you in a position of weakness and looking needy and the guy's like oh okay this is where we're going now right so you don't want to do that and you don't want to shame him or attack him for not wanting more with you right you set yourself up to be in this situation and it was a mistake and he was just doing what he was doing and you allowed him to get into this kind of situation with you instead of making sure that you're taking care of your own needs and it sucks however attacking him and shaming him isn't going to get you anywhere it might make you feel better but if all you want to do is feel better then you wouldn't be watching this video anyway so here's what you need to do instead you need to and so if you have questions about anything make sure that you end up putting those questions in the chat i'm going to be answering questions at the end of this video if you have questions put them in the chat if you're here make sure that you say hi and tell us where you're from and also if you want to get if you want to get help and advice personalized help and advice and lots of great information on how to have the relationship that you want go to the goddess community dot com and you can join our community for free there so here's what you want to do here's the number one thing that will help you in this situation you need to put yourself into a position of power right there's two kind of ways to do it we talked about the first way not to do it which is try to force it right you want him to come into this situation this relationship with his own free will you want him to choose the relationship with you not because he felt like you were playing some kind of game with him but because he was like this woman is amazing and i don't want to lose her and i love her to death and i choose her and so that's that's what you want you don't want it to be out of obligation you want it to come from you being in a position of power and so the way to have a position of power is to have abundance and the willingness to walk away those two things together combined put you in a position of power that allows you to have more choice and makes it so that if he says no to this you can still walk away and maintain yourself respect and have the relationship that you really want and so the first thing that you need to do in order to put yourself in a position of power is to choose is to change your goal right a lot of women come to us and their goal is to get this guy they're like i need to get him right and you need to switch your goal from the guy that you want to the relationship that you want because the relationship in my opinion is far more important than the guy right a relationship where you're seen where you're valued where a man gives you the things that you want that he gives you the relationship that you want the relationship that you deserve the relationship that that a woman like you should have right a committed relationship a relationship where a guy says i'm all in in this and i'm not leaving and you're amazing and i think that you're one of the most amazing women that i've ever met in my life and i love you and i want to be committed to you for life right that's that's the situation that you should be in and so some women decide that the man is more important if that's your decision that's fine however i think that you should put the relationship and having the relationship that you want above the man so switch the goal the second thing that you need to start doing is start dating other people start dating other men and this is how you get abundance and so it's one of the pillars i'm going to be putting out a program here pretty soon in the next couple of weeks a new program is going to be awesome one of the pillars of that program is abundance the abundance principle abundance principle and the abundance principle it's something that you can't rationalize it's something that you can't visualize it's something that you have to experience and the only way you can experience it is by actually having abundance in your life and so you need to go and start dating other men and create an orbit of men around you who want to be in a relationship with you that way once once you come back to this situation that you're in you're not afraid of it blowing up or him disappearing or whatever because you have an abundance of men already and i can't tell you how important this is a lot of women in our community want to skip this step they just want to focus on him and manipulate him into doing it and i'm telling you do the abundance approach that's where your power comes from the second step or the third step i think we're on the third step here the third thing that you want to do is stop sleeping with him stop kissing him and stop putting yourself in positions to do these things with him and from now on from now until the end of time do not get into a sexual relationship with a man if you haven't talked about two things the first thing being what he's looking for in a relationship because most guys will be honest and if they aren't looking for something long-term they'll be confused they'll tell you they don't know what they want they'll tell you all kinds of stupid things and so you don't end up hooking up with a guy like that and the second thing that you want to talk about is exclusivity and being exclusive with him and i talk about that in some of the other videos that i have but you want to make sure that you have a conversation with him about exclusivity so that you don't end up getting into a situation where he's seeing other people while you're seeing while he's sleeping with other people while you're sleeping with him because of all kinds of different ramifications from diseases to him having the power in the situation because you didn't talk about it and so he's running around hooking up with other people and that's not what ultimately leads you to having the relationship that you really want one of the things that i say a lot is friends with benefits is not a stage from meeting a guy to marriage most friends with benefits they've done studies on casual relationships and they found that casual relationships one in three times only potentially have the ability to move to a serious relationship and so my suggestion is that you don't ever get into one of those situations ever again never be in that situation because it pulls your power down and it and it you're giving him all these things but you're not getting what you really want in return and so don't sleep around don't get into situations where you're in a friends with benefits relationship or casual relationship or whatever don't do that ever again okay so and then the last thing that you need to do is communicate with him because if you just pull back and stop doing all these things he's going to be like what is she doing right i don't get it and you know he's going to be confused and frustrated and he's going to be like why aren't you talking to me about this and so what you need to do is you need to let him know that you've decided that you don't want a casual relationship anymore and that means uh and that he means a lot to you you need to tell him that he means a lot to you you need to tell him that you really like him you need to tell him that you have feelings for him and that you think he's a a very special person in your life and that you'd love to have a real committed relationship with him however that you need to make sure that you're getting what you want as well and it's not fair to you to have you in a casual relationship with him and so tell him what you'd like him to have and have those conversations about exclusivity and what he's looking for again and make sure that you don't sleep with him again unless he's willing to verbally confirm to you that he's looking for the type of relationship that you want and that he's going to be exclusive with you and if he's not willing to do that that's okay that's why we talk about having the abundance thing in the first place that way you're not like oh my god you know it's stuck on him right you have an abundance of men you're connecting with other men you're meeting with other dating other men and starting kind of these situations with other men so that so that you can occupy your time so that you can connect with other guys so that you can find a guy who does who is willing to really give you what it is that you want because it's very possible that he's going to say no look here's what we did what we agreed to from the beginning I just wanted to be in a casual relationship I'm not ready for something real and there's a there's a very good possibility that he might say that and there's a very good possibility that he might say that he doesn't want to lose you and that he wants to keep you in his life and what ends up happening a lot of times is women guys will end up saying no I just wanted a casual relationship and the woman says fine that's cool I'm going to go see other people and I don't want to continue this anymore and then the guy ends up coming back and being like okay you know like I really I really miss you and I really want to have you in your life in my life and I'm willing to give you what you want and you don't want to be in a situation where he doesn't say that you have to you absolutely have to be willing to walk away the most powerful position that you can possibly be in is a position of abundance and a position where you're willing to walk away and if you do those things and you're serious about it and you're not just bluffing you're not just giving him some kind of ultimate ultimatum and then stay with him regardless that's a position of power and you're far more likely to get what you want than if you end up just just faking it or trying to force it or whatever other kind of crappy tactics are out there that women use these days so remember don't force it put yourself in a position of power the best position of power is a position where you have abundance and a willingness to walk away so that's it I hope that wasn't too harsh I know that sometimes talking about these things can be really harsh for a lot of the women that are in here because it sucks to hear some of the things that we just talked about and remember again so we're gonna do next we're gonna do question and answer so if you have any questions about anything just throw them in the chat and I'm gonna go through that here in a second and talk to you about those things and and again if if you're really serious about wanting to get into a great relationship with a guy make sure that you go over to the goddess community dot com and join our community if that's something that you're interested in so all right what what questions do we have here all right great lots of women from all over the world again we've got hello from michigan lora lora in lora so bad with names met monk one of my favorites from denmark thank you for being here says you're just friends yep that's what's going on sweden hello miss ripley soul of sarah says what if he's dating other women and wants both of you i feel like he wants her more like i said put yourself in a position of power because when you're in a position of power what ends up happening is so attraction is based on power right and i it's it sounds horrible but it's true and so the more power you have in the situation the more likely he is to feel more attraction to you and want to drop everything else drop everybody else and and go with you and and just do what i talked about in the the video because that's the best way that you can possibly put yourself in a good situation and make sure that you get what it is that you want so i feel like he wants her more i walked but want so badly to give him time and a chance well you know it you can't force him to do it he has to if you want a real relationship a relationship that lasts a relationship that works he has to come to you with his own free will and he has to make a choice about who it is and what he wants and if he doesn't want to lose you then he'll make that choice to not lose you and if he's okay with it then it's a red flag anyway you you just you just saved yourself a lot of time and energy and heartbreak because he wasn't going to put you as a priority in in his life anyway and he it was going to be a horrible relationship for you to be in stormy says hello from australia california south africa tennessee iran sandiego wow judy josephina rebecca hello hello hello surely do we have any questions here gloria says hi from canada kit yeah shree she she reen she reen says well he's met my family and he's told his family about me doesn't mean anything literally means nothing means nothing doesn't mean that you're going anywhere surely says matthew you're very handsome thank you thank you surely by the way everybody i love compliments so if you want to compliment me i will take that anytime thank you so much lovely leo lady says hi from palm springs definitely a timely subject yes see prissa says i done all that see friends see mum even sleep at their home but no title yet just like i said no title yet but we behave like boyfriend and girlfriend and i didn't put pressure just watching him so what do i do just like what i talk about in the video this is exactly what i'm talking about right now right you're thinking in your mind oh we're boyfriend and girlfriend right we act like boyfriend and girlfriend he sees my parents i see his parents we must be in a real relationship nope you're not you're not in a relationship that's all there is to it did it this evening miss rippley says did it that just this evening trying to walk away from my friend with benefits hard but he doesn't want something for real i know i know it's hard and this is why i say don't sleep around don't get into the situation it's the worst possible situation there's two things that you absolutely must do one is don't get into a situation with a guy where you're sleeping with him without finding out what he wants and talking to him about exclusivity and him agreeing to it and two don't move in with a guy without him putting a ring on your finger if it if you want marriage those two things absolutely essential stop doing anything else i know it's hard to hear but i got you know maybe i gotta be maybe i gotta be the uh the older uncle the older brother uh for some of you ladies in here because i know that you're all so much younger than i am so i gotta be your older brother and tell you the pass down the wisdom here pass down the wisdom lorraine lorraine says so we have been friend with benefits for a year so are you saying there's no chance of progression i'm not saying that i'm saying that he's already decided what he wants with you and you need to take care of your own needs first you need to take care of your own needs first because if you let him walk all over you and then a couple years down the road you're like hey i've wasted years you don't want to be in that situation you need to make sure that you're valuing yourself you're valuing your time you're valuing your place in the relationship as a woman and if he's not willing to value that then you need to be in a position of power where you're willing to walk away shirley brown says we appreciate you thank you i appreciate you too melody says this is so incredibly helpful i'm glad this has been helpful rebecca says he just offered me a key to his house what do i do next are you in a friend with benefit situation what situation are you in that's are are you are has he here's here's what i would do i mean if he so him giving you a key to his house basically he's he's basically he's saying he trusts you right and he trusts you a lot and so the question is right like like i said though make sure that you don't end up moving in with him if what you want is marriage and he hasn't put a ring on your finger yet and there's no plan for marriage and there's no wedding planned and none of that's going on don't move in with him that's my suggestion julie says i'm 52 divorced 52 years young 52 years young i'm i'm your older brother right now typically the men i date are divorced as well is it reasonable to ask a man while beginning to date him if he plans to marry again yes absolutely it's totally reasonable there's no you should ask him that you should find out is is this something he wants again in his life you'll be surprised at how many guys are like you know i have guys in my family that have been married and divorced brothers of mine have been married and divorced three or four times i have brothers in my family that are in their fifties and they will say things like you know i you know they're looking for somebody special or they're looking for somebody and they're willing to get married again if they find the right person a lot of guys just don't believe that they're going to find that special person anymore but yeah i'd ask him about it i'd talk to him about it and if he's not and if he's open about it which he should be he'll tell you exactly what he's looking for and just believe what he says to you she reign says so him being okay family's meaning doesn't prove anything that's exactly what i'm saying melody says when he contacts me after i've given him space how should i respond should respond warmly and friendly and yeah just respond like you would you know i mean if if he says that he needs space and you give him space and then he contacts you like i would say something like it's so good to hear from you it's so great to like i i'd love it when you text me like you know like whatever you know like i was just thinking about you today like it's so funny that you messaged me you know just just message him warmly and you know come back as long as it's not like a weird situation or a situation where you know he kind of disappeared and didn't communicate with you that's that's how you you want to respond so rebecca says we are in an exclusive relationship and he calls me his girlfriend awesome prista says sincerely i entered with a friend with benefits with no intention of having feelings that's how everybody enters friends with benefits situations everybody enters them with no intention of having feelings right that's why you do it because you have no intention of having feelings but it's come what do i do i do not put pressure on him at all so just go over the video and do exactly what i talked about melody says he has said he thinks i'm amazing but he needs to work on himself now love that you value relationship over the guy perfect way to say this that's the only way to do it value the relationship over the guy what do you want what's more important to you this guy or having a relationship where you have a man who sees you and values you and loves you and treats you like a queen which one's more important if i were you i would say the relationship yvonne says i love your talks glada says i love hi matt i love your talks well thank you so much i'm glad i'm glad glad you guys love my talks all right so what else do we have here commit to be fit says great advice love watching you here in hawaii thank you thank you miss rippley says my friend with benefits and i don't sleep around but i don't trust him when he tells me and that's because he's always online on his dating app trying to hook up looking for a better girl like i said put yourself in a position of power that this is so what i do here and what i'm going to do continuing moving forward is i'm going to empower you my goal for all of this stuff is to empower you because you need to make sure that you are getting what you want and if you're not getting what you want you need to put yourself in a position where you absolutely will and so that's my whole thing is putting you in a position of power and so if you're in a situation where you're you don't have power which is what it sounds like miss rippley is that it sounds like you're in a situation where you have this guy and he's doing whatever he wants and you're kind of like what do i do about this how do i how do i get him to be the kind of man that i want him to be and and what i'm telling you is the number one thing that you need to do is put yourself in a position of power and then everything else is so much easier arlene says it's hard enough to get just one much less in abundance well that's something that you absolutely need to start working on that because that that is so important it's that it's so important to get yourself into a world of abundance and just start seeing other guys and just start meeting other guys it you're right it's hard you know it can be hard for everybody it's hard for guys too it's it's a difficult thing lori an says thank you you're awesome thank you thank you farina says tough love that's what we talk about here melody says you are real and even though it's hard we need to hear this that's why i'm here talking to you about this because you need to hear it yvonne says you are awesome that thank you thank you thank you so much lease lice says i like your videos very much thank you i'm glad you like my videos i'm glad they're helpful for you stormy says most guys always want to start off casual that's right men want to start off casual because him being in a casual as soon as sex happens a man gain gains massive amounts of power over you and so all of a sudden you you you're the dynamics of a relationship change as soon as sex happens you go from being something that isn't a relationship something that's maybe a friendship or something something that's not a romantic relationship to being in a relationship so if a guy has sex with you the faster he has sex with you the faster he can have whatever kind of relationship that he wants the faster he is in a position of power the faster that he gets to dictate whatever terms are in the relationship and that's why you need to empower yourself by doing the things that i talked about in this video wouldn't they get scared away if you try to be too serious too soon they're only going to get scared away if they're not looking for something serious too right most guys so i used to teach in the men's dating industry and one of the things that you need to know is that in the men's dating industry unanimously all over the men's dating industry what they teach to men is that men need to tell women that they're just looking to hang out and have fun because as soon as a man starts talking about being serious and being in a relationship what ends up happening is a switch flips in a woman's mind and she goes from just hanging out and having fun to all of a sudden being like okay is this guy a guy that i want to have in a relationship with me and she starts looking at his traits and she starts trying to figure out if he's really a good guy for her or not right and so she's less likely to be willing to hook up with him and have fun and do all the things that make it so that it's easier for him to have whatever it is that he wants and so you have to remember that however if you talk to a guy and you ask him what he's ultimately looking for and he's like yeah well you know right now i'm just kind of meeting girls casually and i'm just looking to have fun what you need to say is well are you open to something more than that and if he says yes then say what is it that you're open to having right and ask him what would create that why would you want that make sure that it's something that he wants like he wants to have this real relationship before you even think about doing something sexually with him that's my suggestion if you want to protect yourself and you want to make sure that you're getting yourself into a good situation make sure you're only doing it with guys who are open to that because if he's not he's probably not going to fix whatever the problem is mentally and emotionally that he needs to fix to set himself up so that he actually wants a real relationship because usually guys don't want real relationships because they've been hurt or because of you know things that have happened with other women in their past and so he needs to fix things first and if you're in this relationship where he's getting all of his sexual and emotional and all of his needs met and you're not making sure that you are getting your needs met then he's not going to heal his stuff and he's just going to continue off doing whatever he wants to because he's getting all of his needs met already and he doesn't need to do anything else he doesn't need to fix it because he's having sex and hanging out and having you meet his family and doing all the things that guys get emotional validation from okay so lice says what is the definition of a casual relationship for you so a casual relationship means that a guy is just looking to hook up and have fun you're just friends right and you're just having fun together it's not something that's leading towards something serious it's not something that's leading towards a committed relationship he's made it clear or it's not been talked about at all right he either makes it clear that he's just looking for something fun and just looking to date around or just looking to hook up or whatever or it's not talked about and if it's not talked about you can absolutely 100 assume that you're in a casual relationship so miss rippley says he keeps telling me we're just friends exactly and he has no feelings exactly but also gets jealous and afraid on dating other guys also true to make me jealous why because he's a he's a human being and he has emotions and he gets jealous like all of us do and he wants to possess you he wants to have it's that saying that everybody keeps saying with the whole he wants to have his what is it he wants to have his milk is the why why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free that's what's going on right now is he's getting all of his needs met and he's keeping you down he's keeping you in a position where he's getting what he wants and you're not getting what you want and that's why i talk about putting yourself in a position of power otherwise you're going to be abused and you need to make sure that you're not going to be abused and says does the advice work with people from other cultures and countries yes it absolutely does work there's some things that are different in other cultures and countries this is not one of them this is human psychology this is biology in the works this is putting yourself in a position of power and absolutely it works in regardless of what country or culture you're from there are some cultural norms that you need to make sure that you're aware of depending on what kind of culture you are from however this works because it's human psychology met monk says you surely are one of my favorites too just love that you're always here with me love that you're always here with me met monk so melody says i hate that guys do this so confusing and hurtful yeah it is and it sucks you know and and there's a lot of things that women do that suck for men as well and is really hurtful to men and it but it's just a part of what's going on and it does suck you know it does suck and the best thing that you can do is put yourself in a position of power and abundance and the things that we talked about earlier in the video marie says how can you be sure that he is being exclusive if that is the agreement you can't be sure you can't there's no way that you can ever be sure you have to be able to trust him and you have to make sure that you're looking for signs and make sure that there's no red flag signs that are popping up right which is why we have communities like our community because we want to make sure that you're putting yourself in good positions and looking for the right things and talking to other women that aren't in your situation and talking to coaches so that if there's something weird going on you can talk about it and we can say hey there's something weird going on in your situation and you need to stop you need to stop hanging out with him or you need to do this or you need to do that or you need to put yourself in a position of power wake up wake up so melody says thank you for being our brother we need this yeah you're welcome you're welcome stormy firelight says ha i'm 39 i'm still your older brother letitia says yes no ring no commitment no way that's right melissa says you just made me realize so many things and i want to know more please everything you just discussed is exactly what i'm going through but enough is enough that's right and you should go if you want if you want to know more about what to do i suggest that you go and join our community at the the goddess community dot com and you can join for free and there's tons of information there we've got coaches that can help you out go check out the goddess community dot com to learn more about how to be part of our community letitia says i love this you are so right why are guys afraid of commitment women are afraid of commitment too lots of people are afraid of commitment it's actually one of the big complaints that a lot of guys have in the men's dating industry as well is they a lot of guys are like why do women just want to go and hook up with lots of guys and sleep around and not be with one guy and i want a really awesome amazing special woman and i can't see there there's a lot of stuff on both sides right and guys aren't necessarily afraid of commitment it's just that they take commitment really seriously and so most guys they don't want to commit to somebody unless they are really serious about it one thing kind of one of the difference between a lot of women and men is that a lot of women tend to speak their truth from their feelings and their experience in the moment right and a lot of men their word is their bond and so if they say something and it it gets mixed up then it's like all of a sudden as a human being they value themselves less and so it's important for a lot of men that if they commit to a relationship that they're honest and true to it because if they don't it's like everybody looks at them as a horrible person they look at themselves as a horrible person they end up going to their friends and their friends are like yeah you're kind of a horrible person right and so it's important for a lot of guys that if they get into a situation that it's a good situation for them and that they want to be in the right situation and so they you know it's a big deal really right like think about the idea of like marriage commitment it's like you know you're committing to yourself to somebody for life there's these women that I've talked to in our community they're like why are men so afraid of marriage and it's like he's committing himself to somebody for life like that's a big deal right so you gotta you gotta remember it's it tends to be a bigger deal for men men look at it as a bigger deal lovely leo lady says all was great really like each other and then went cold says he wants to talk but never has time a lot of intense family stuff is it possible he doesn't he really doesn't have time or is just not that into it it could be either one right and so what you need to do is the things that we talked about in this video where you're putting yourself into a position of power because the more power you have in your relationship the the easier it is to figure out what's going on and to say hey you know this doesn't work for me and I want a relationship where we have open communication you know we're talking about things we're honest about things you know and the more power you have for yourself and the more you have an ability to walk away if it's a bad situation the more likely he is to like step up and start figuring things out and start you know being it actually makes him more attracted to you and so I mean watch what it is that he does and yeah I mean he might have a lot of family stuff and you need to figure out whether that works for you or not right if he's got lots of family stuff you need to have other things going on and abundance in your life so that you can go out and do other things and hang out with other guys if you know if if it's not going to end up working with you well there's a lot of metmonk says could be your mom I don't know you're my little sister metmonk you are my little sister so what else do we have here hippie chick says hi matt the video got cut off last time enjoying listening thank you yeah I we had some technical difficulties the stream ended up getting cut off completely it sucks but you know what are you gonna do b says he initially told me he was looking for a wife later it changed now I have a title of his fair lady after eight months the good thing I've not agreed to sex even though he's begged for it okay mrs fry says hi from washington state hello b says he now says he doesn't want marriage my desire is marriage well sounds like he's not the right guy and this is why you need abundance this is why you need abundance what about if a guy says I love you from the first date and he already proposed to me after a few days so there's one thing that you need to realize about guys for women there's kind of this this emotional thing they say that men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears right so for a lot of women it takes time to kind of build up this emotional thing for guys a guy looks at a girl and I've seen I've seen this with so many guys it's happened to me it's happened to every guy I've ever met right where they look at a girl and they go oh my god she's so hot and so amazing and then they get this idealization in their head about this woman and they're just like you know and they're just like immediately right they they like get her number sometimes they'll they'll just go and approach her and talk to her and get her number and then he goes home and I've seen so many guys do this he goes home and then he's like in his mind he's like thinking about marriage and what your babies are going to look like and like all these things right and he's like visualizing your life together and like these romantic dates that he's going to take you on he's going to take you around the world together and all these things right and he's doing this based on this this imagination that he has this idealization of who you are so he's not doing this based on you he's doing this based on his image of you which is different than who you are and so what needs to happen is you need to slow him down and start connecting with him in a real way because emotional connections grow over time right this is like some kind of biological connection where he sees you and he's immediately like oh my god she's amazing right and so you need to slow him down and connect with him emotionally because that that and start revealing things about yourself because he's he's going to start seeing these things about yourself and he's going to be like oh I didn't think she was like I didn't realize she shows up you know 15 to 20 minutes late every single time everywhere she goes right and so it's all these realities are going to start hitting him like oh I didn't realize that she farts in her sleep I didn't realize that she you know like picks her nose when she thinks nobody's looking but everybody see you know like he's going to start seeing all these things about you right and so what you need to do and and if you see start seeing those things and the the idealization drops what's going to happen is he's going to disappear and so what you need to do if you really like this guy and you're like okay I like him but he's kind of coming on a little bit strong is you need to slow him down and start connecting with him in a real emotional way and we talk a lot about this in different things and if you want like a full kind of system on how to do that go check out go join our pro our community over at the goddess community.com so I hope I said all that right says I grew up with that old mentality I'm older than you Matt you're my little sister all right and nothing you say can change that punk she says I don't do friend with benefits hooking up nothing if he walks away fine I know my value good on you good on you that's awesome God's girl says hi been in a two and a half year relationship with friend of 23 years we've never had sex close call only we see each other at church parties and hang out alone once a week but no commitment in sight okay Sharida says we are exclusive and just dating right now only been five months wanting to see where it goes if you guys have a question make sure that you ask an actual question so that so that I can so that I can figure out what it is that you're trying to say to me and answer your question so only been five months wanting to see where it goes but did not mention did mention not ready for something serious now am I crazy to wait a little you need to do exactly what I talked about in this video and put yourself in a position of power just like I talked about create abundance create a position of power and then it won't matter if you're waiting because you'll be seeing other guys and another guy will probably come along that's actually looking for something serious right now and your guys gonna be like hey what's going on with you and you're gonna be like hey some other guys snatching me up sorry you know you should have should have put the moves on yeah are you crazy to wait a little you know how long are you gonna wait for you've been waiting for five months you say only five months I mean you guys been dating for five months that's a long time to date for and for him to say that he doesn't want anything serious now and you still date I mean what where you where do you think this is gonna go what what what most women do is they think oh he's gonna think that I'm so special that eventually he's going to want something serious for me and what you need to do is realize that he may or may not and so you need to you didn't make sure you're taking care of yourself that's what you need to do so God's girl says he talked marriage at first but I wasn't ready now what okay so that's part of your question so two and a half years friends 23 years we've never had sex close call only so you guys are basically friends he talked marriage at first but I wasn't ready yeah I mean bring up the topic again that's what you want to do is start talking about it again just have the conversation again and find out where he is and let him if you're ready now let him know that you're you know you're starting to look around and you're ready now and you're interested in something and you know and if he's interested in courting you then that's something that you'd be interested into and let him take the initiative on it and because what what you want to do is you want him to step up as the man you want him to take the actions to move things forward to be the man the cake cookie that's what it is miss Ripley the cake wants the cake and eat it too that's that's what the expression is I'm like talking about milk and stuff I don't even know what I'm talking about okay so Melody says this is so timely it is spiritual and God is using you to help us huh I hope so he says thank you very much for answering my question you're welcome but TTS says God is using you to help us like I said I hope so the abundance idea is confusing how do I have sincere feelings for multiple men well the point of having abundance is that you don't grow too attached to multiple to any one man right so what you need to do the reason that you have abundance and you you can't really know it until you have abundance but once you have abundance what ends up happening is it goes from like oh my god I have to make this happen with this one dude to like man like you're doing weird stuff and I don't I don't really get it I don't really like it it feels really gross you know I feel kind of like I don't know I feel really bad I feel kind of hurt kind of like I'm kind of sad when I when I see you doing this or I hear you say things like that and so you know I don't know I really want to experience you know this is what I really want and what I want to experience and I don't know what's going on with you but it just seems like maybe we're not in alignment anymore and all of a sudden it goes from this thing where you're trying to force it to happen to being like hey I'm you know like I'm not going to you know try to turn you into something else you know you can kind of do this on your own accord and if you want to that's awesome but if you're not going to then you know it's like I'm just gonna have to date other people and I'm already doing that and so you know if you ever figure it out if you ever decide that this is what you really want you get it together and you decide that you want to pursue me for a real relationship that's awesome I think you're an amazing man and I'd love to be in a relationship like that with you but you know what you're doing right now just doesn't just doesn't work for me okay where are we where are we miss rippley says yes initially for the first two months he told me we dated for a serious relationship planned for the future then he changed his mind suddenly yeah walked away but took him back yep because you weren't in a position of power that's why that's why he changed his mind and that's why you walked away but came back charlene says thank you so much Matthew your advice is helping me so much I'm very happy to hear that charlene Leticia says right men bond like sports hunting I get that a big deal for men Teresa says I am in my late 59s your late 59s not sure what that means recently started dating again most of the men in my age group don't want to even chat with you if you are chatting with other men how do I deal with that and have the abundance well why do they know that you're chatting with other men and if he doesn't want you to chat with other men is he saying that he wants you to be his girlfriend does he say is he saying that he wants to be exclusive with you these are the things that you should be asking them if they're like hey are you seeing other people and you're like why are you do you want do you want to be exclusive with me are you trying to be are you trying to be in a relationship with me right now do you want do you want us to be in a committed relationship is that what you're saying oh well well well what are you saying you know like why would you why would you ask me that you know like I'm gonna do whatever I'm gonna do you know and if I you know I may be seeing other men I may not be you know and really it unless we are in an exclusive relationship it's really not you know it's not it's not really relevant you know we get women that do this as well where they get guys and they're like oh yeah I was talking to this guy online and I you know told him I didn't want him seeing other people or whatever and you're like what you mean you haven't even met yet and you want to make sure that he's exclusive with you like it's crazy talk so walking away is a good thing if you're not getting your needs net needs net if you're not getting your needs met absolutely it's a good thing you need to get your needs met and you need to make sure that that is your top priority that you are taking care of yourself that's what a woman of value does a woman of value make sure that she's getting her needs met what do you mean to have power as a woman rewatch the video from the beginning I talk about exactly what that means Teresa says late 50s not late 59s miss Ripley says I've had the power so many times now but couldn't hold my position and bam he gained it back do what I talk about in the video and you won't lose it lovely Leo lady says thank you you're welcome tiff talk says from Philly hello from Philly Rebecca says I had a dream he kept leaving me at a big party we were at kind of symbolic because he doesn't want a committed relationship so he's probably looking for other girls but he says he's not hmm tiff says what does a guy mean when he says he's trying to stay far away from feelings he means that he means that he's been hurt in the past and that he's scared of getting hurt again that's what he means okay we are running past the hour so thank you everybody for being here if you want to if you're really serious about getting in the relationship that you want to have make sure that you go to the goddesscommunity.com and join our community for free there check out all the information about it at the goddesscommunity.com thank you so much everybody for being here I love having you here I'm so grateful that you allow me to be a part of your journey I'm so grateful that so many of you are feeling like the advice that I'm giving you is really helping you out really I'm here to empower you and give you the strength and the power to have the relationship that you want to have making sure that you take care of your needs and get what you want so that you're not struggling so that you're not going through massive heartbreaks and getting hurt and and and being in these positions where you feel like you have no power no strength no ability to and you end up being needy and pushing guys out of your life and all that stuff the stuff that I teach you is about putting yourself in a position where men are going to be more attracted to you putting yourself in a position where men are going to be more likely to do the things that you want them to do like stepping up like wanting real relationships with you like all the things that you want guys to do that's what this stuff does and that's what this new program that I'm going to be giving away for free by the way is going to be doing it's called it's going to be called the forever woman formula that's the name that we ended up landing on for this so thank you everybody that voted in our poll in order to figure out what name we're going to give this we ended up doing this poll on multiple different social media networks and the forever woman formula is the one that won so thank you for that and thank you know and if you want if you want a copy of that it's it's going to be probably available in a few weeks when you join our community at the goddesscommunity.com it's we're going to give you that for free you're going to have access to that forever and it's going to be some of the best information that I've ever put out and I think you're absolutely going to be blown away by it and it's going to be the best information that you could possibly use to have the relationship that you've that you really want based on all of my years of teaching in this industry I've been here since 2005 teaching in this industry and I just want to thank you so much for being here with me and thank you and I appreciate you being here and