 So what are some of the reasons I think that it's a really bad idea to be a part of this hookup culture that's going on out there right now? So the number one reason I think that this is a really really bad idea is that most women fall in love with their casual hookup that they're hanging out with and a lot of women have they have kind of this idea where when they fall in love they're like oh well that's all that matters and so they like get kind of single focused on this guy and they're unable to really separate their physical intimacy from their feelings of falling in love and wanting something more and so it can get really really messy really quickly because they might have an agreement that it's just going to be something casual but there she's falling in love and she wants something more our our community that we have is filled to the brim with women who are in it in friend with benefit situations trying to get something more out of a guy and what they find and what the studies have found is that that usually only happens when people try when people are actually trying to do it it only happens one out of nine times that is a very low number for people that are trying to do this and so a lot of the women in our community will end up finding that they don't end up getting into good relationships with these guys because they the guy's not interested in that because he's better at separating his emotions from physical intimacy and so he's like hey I'm not interested you know we had this agreement and she's like well maybe you know if I if I keep doing he he shows me that he loves me and he he acts like he wants to be in a relationship and he has me meet his friends and his family and he buys me things and he takes me on vacations and stuff like that and what we've found is that guys will do all of that stuff and still not feel like he wants a relationship or that he thinks of her as anything more than a friend with benefits and that's why you shouldn't do it because if you get those feelings which most women tend to do then you will end up having this situation where you're just going to be really really heartbroken and so if you do end up getting into a friend with benefits casual situation my suggestion is as soon as you start feeling anything anything really deep that you leave which can be really really hard to do because it feels so good right and so I mean I just I can't tell you how much I suggest that you don't do this it's just such a bad idea in so many different ways just from that one standpoint the second one number two the second reason is because of something called sunken cost theory and what sunken cost theory is is this idea that when you invest in something you don't want to let go of it and what ends up happening when you get into friend with benefits situations with guys is that a guy ends up getting all of his needs met and so he doesn't necessarily feel like he needs to exert a lot of effort into the situation anymore because he's already getting a lot of his needs met and so women that are in these situations where it's just kind of a fling and it's just kind of a hookup and the guy isn't doing a lot of investing what she'll end up doing because one of the things we talk about is like okay well you're gonna have to walk away from this and if he wants to stay with you then he'll end up coming over and being like no no no you know what I do want a real relationship with you like let's do this but if he hasn't been investing at all he's definitely not going to do that right and even if he has been investing a lot if he's really emotionally broken he still probably won't do it and so it's just it's a bad idea from that standpoint right he needs to be investing a lot he needs to be spending time emotion energy into investing in you so that he feels like this is a real relationship he feels like it's something that he doesn't want to let go of he feels like he's he's committed to it and that's that's what it takes for him to feel like he's committed is for him to invest in you number three third reason I know we're not even on the third reason yet I think you already have enough but let's move on to the third reason the third reason is that you skip the entire dating process which is a problem I know a lot of people obviously they're like hey I don't want to go through the dating process I just want to go to meeting a guy and being in a relationship which makes a lot of sense right because it can be really frustrating going on all these dates with guys and and it's like oh I gotta figure this out and he's got these red flags and all this stuff right however if you skip the dating process what do you miss you can end up missing a giant red flags that are waving in front of your face we're just talking about it yesterday in the livestream you can end up losing out on this place where he's trying to impress you because he sees you as this valuable woman that he he wants to impress and he wants to make you feel good and he wants to do all these things because he's trying to get into this relationship but you skip all that out because you're just like oh yeah let's hook up right and he never ends up investing in you and trying to impress you and emotionally engaging with you in those ways the next one is you can get slotted into the friend with benefits category permanently with a guy who might have wanted something more with you it's true right some guys they put you into different categories and if you're just like hey let's just hook up even if it's the first time even if you're a virgin when you got to this right guys are gonna look at you when you do that and they're gonna think in their minds she does this all the time and you're gonna say I never do this and he's gonna think yeah right and this happens all the time I hear from guys I hear from women I hear from everybody and he if he slots you into that category if he's like oh well she you know isn't she's not the kind of girl that I'd be looking for in a relationship because guys look for certain things in the relationship and one of those things is not she hooks up with every dude right and if he feels like you're that kind of a girl then he there's a much higher probability chance that he's gonna think that you're gonna do that in a relationship or that you're not faithful or that you're not loyal or that you do you just do it a lot and it might end up happening to him if you guys are end up in a relationship and he might end up slotting you into this not relationship material category which can be a big problem if you end up wanting to get into a relationship with him later on and you can also end up feeling really used by this right like you could be in this situation and he's not taking care of your needs he doesn't really care about your needs he doesn't all these different things right because you're just hooking up and that's that's how he feels about it he's like hey this is just physical and so a lot of women end up coming back and they're like well now I just feel like I've been used for the last three weeks three months three years you know 10 years we have women in our community that have been in friend with benefits situations for up to 17 years where the guy still doesn't want anything more and they're still chasing after it hoping that at all one day because there they've got that sunken cost theory going in where they've spent so much time and energy and effort with this guy that they're like I don't want to let him go right but they're stuck in it because the guy's like I've never seen her that way and I still don't see her that way and it's just really really sad and then number four is actually this is going to be a really a really controversial thing that I'm about to say but I'm going to say it anyway and I don't really care that it's controversial because there's a lot of evidence that backs it up and it's that the more partners that you have the less likely that you are to be faithful and there's a few different studies that were done one was done by the twin research and genetic epidemiology you're not totally butchering words over here st st. Thomas hospital in London they tested the genetic versus environmental factors of having certain numbers of partners and it's it's connection to infidelity and what they found is that the more partners that you've had the more likely that you are to cheat and they found that the journal the there's another journal that that did some studies on this was the Journal of Family Psychology reported a study where they found that there's a 7% increase in the probability of infidelity per additional partner that a woman has and what I've actually talked to a few different dating coaches about this I talked to some dating coaches on the men's side and one of the things that they were telling me is that what they've experienced with women is that they see that a lot of women when they have less partners they look at they look at physical intimacy more as like a sacred act right and the more partners that they have the less they look at it as a sacred act and the more they look at it as just some kind of hedonistic like pleasurable experience in and of itself that you can just have with anybody and it's not really that big of a deal and it doesn't really matter that much and so they've pair bonded so many times and it's kind of broken they've broken up so many times and had that heartbreak that they've actually somehow like actually mentally kind of separated the two almost like how a lot of guys are when it comes to physical intimacy versus emotional intimacy and so a lot of women end up getting into this space where they're more likely to cheat there was actually another study I don't have it here with me right now where they found that there there's always been these kind of studies about like men and women cheating out there and men have always been leading women in the cheating category right by a few percentage points always and what they're finding now because of this hookup culture is that women are almost at the same level of cheating as men are in relationships and so and and I'm not surprised by it at all just because there's so many people just hooking up with each other all the time