 Hey guys, we're doing another drunk review. Woo! Two in the same year, this is already a record. That was a lot. Ready? Maybe we'll do three. Speaking of three, we are talking about the Trinity. I was only married for like two years when we did three reviews in that time, so. Well, it got dark. Wow. Damn it, Brian. We're talking about Blade Trinity. I don't know why we decided Blade Trinity, but it seemed like it fit. This film is entirely filmed in Vancouver. It is filmed in Vancouver. And there's a lot of elements, particularly the beginning of the film that really do point out that it is shot in Vancouver, features of the waterfront station. And they somehow, for some reason, thought that making everything look in this LA orange filter at night was a good idea. It's like it was shot in Mexico. Goddamn right. An orange Mexico filter. Yeah. Put it in Vancouver. The whole movie feels like it's a giant music video in terms of consistency shot value in CG. Oh, the montage scenes. But all movies from this time feel like music videos. Like every fucking one of them, especially horror movies, which I guess technically Blade Trinity is kind of a horror movie. Are you sure about that? It's a horror movie. That's right. That's right. Yeah, that's fair. The upshot of Drake the Villain. It's just like. God, don't reference it. We have, I mean, shit. Dominic Purcell sucks fucking balls. He plays Dracula in this film. He's the big bad. He's considering you have Dracula. He has less screen time than I swear even the villain in the second movie. And the first. Stephen Dorff's dope in the first movie. And he skates up hell. Yeah. This is the way. This whole movie has such a very weak reason to exist. David S. Goyer really wanted to direct and write this movie, but apparently they were in issues right from the start because Wesley Snipes disliked the script so much. But he was still, I think he was contractually obligated to do this movie. So he'd like the Marvel contracts where you have to play the action role for 10 years. I don't know if it was that. God, that sophisticated. But he's trying to make this whole movie a living nightmare. He probably needed the taxman. David S. Goyer wrote this movie and. It shows. It's terrible. I'm a big fan of Blade Franchise. I was making jokes while we were watching this about how when Logan came out and everyone was like, oh, look at that, a successful R-rated comic book movie. I'm like, Blade. And then it was like, oh, Black Panther came out, oh, a successful Black comic movie. I was like, Blade. Blade is a successful movie. It does well. The first blade is awesome. The second blade is done by Guillermo del Toro, which isn't good until you watch like the rest of his movies. But even then, it is still kind of dope. It's bad. But if you watch the rest of his movies, you're like, you see what he's doing. It's like watching Alien 3 and realizing how good Fincher is, despite the fact that that movie sucks. Yeah, that's not good. That's not a good example. But it is though, because you can see what he was trying. Well, that's like saying, hey, James Cameron, director, terminator. So let's go watch Piranha. Piranha 2. James Cameron, director of Piranha 2, The Spawning. So get your fucking movies right. So Blade Trinity is what Ryan Reynolds' first action? Evening, ladies. Well, it's probably his first action movie. Yeah. Definitely been in some shit before. Yeah. It's great. It's like, he's great in this movie. I love Ryan Reynolds. He's just a muscle-bound fucking zero-body fat. Typical Ryan Reynolds. He's Ryan Reynolds. Yeah. He's fucking Ryan Reynolds. It's also Ryan Reynolds' first appearance in the MCU-ish. And it's what, his third comic book movie, fourth comic book movie? He's just a quick machine in this film. He has the best line in the whole fucking movie. He does. What is the line? The line, are we allowed to say the line? You cock-juggling thundercut. Gobbling thundercut. There's so much swearing in this movie, it's great. There's very few elements of which to enjoy this movie. But we haven't touched Jessica Biel. Yeah, I bet you haven't touched Jessica Biel. Yeah, I thought that was caution. She prefers it that way, guys. The shower scene was unnecessary. My butt feels cold thinking about life sitting on those tiles. It's just heard like a huge surgical shower. Yeah, it's a really big shower. Really big shower. It's a really big shower. I mean, again, I don't mind Jessica Biel. But it's the idea that they're just having a shower on the McBarge. It is on the McBarge. For those of you who don't know, the McBarge is a, like used to be McDonald's. It was Expo-86. Yeah, it was McDonald's on the water in Vancouver. And has since moved over towards Mission, which is like an hour and a half outside of Vancouver. But it's just a derelict, shitty ass building. These guys have decided to make a movie. And it's been in other movies. It has been in a lot of movies. It's this derelict 1986 McDonald's that's been used for so many different things. There was one guy who had a YouTube video about how he was going to board it. And by doing so, took an inflatable dinghy out to it. Sabotages on Diggy climbed on it because he was in distress. Did he get arrested? He did get arrested, yeah. But he still posted the video. It's on YouTube. Jeremy, I hope you find that link. Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel have the other people who they work with. Being Patton Oswald and the black guy. Because literally, did anyone remember his name? I don't think they gave him his name. He was talking. Patton Oswald. Great. And what's her nuts? Natasha Leone. Yeah. The blind girl? The blind girl. He uses a computer the whole movie. Yeah, the security. She watches computer film, like the security footage. Just take that in, folks. Fucking wrong with you. You think this is a joke? Use it. Use it. Whistler dies. Whistler dies. Get out, please! He wanted out so badly. Again, doesn't he die in every Blade movie? Yes, but he... It's like a speed race here. He's like at the beginning of the black movie. It's like the first 15 minutes he's dead. Not even. I think it's like the first 10 minutes. His death ends the first act. Yeah, okay. Story speaking. That's giving way too much credit to David S. Goyer for the idea of story. Yeah, I was going to say, you give him a story. He basically takes the cliff notes of the first movie. Ads. Dominic Pursella, who's doing his best Creed roadie impersonation as Dracula. Is this where he keyed the music? Can you take me high? Every time he appears, it just feels like he's exuding douche. He's got the open chest and the necklaces. Killing the hot topic employees. Dominic Pursella sucks in this movie. He sucks in everything he's ever done. You can prisonbreak as much as you want. Dominic Pursella fucking sucks balls. I'm going to say that as someone who's worked on fucking the tomorrow, whatever that fucking show is. Dominic Pursella sucks and he chirped Vancouver so fuck him hard. In terms of a villain, you can't even say he's a bad villain because he has to have been in the movie and done things. He just starts playing and tells him he's awesome. That's all he does. Yeah, that's it. That's the best part of the movie where he realizes that Blade is the future of amperism. That's a great moment for a character. It just fucking sucks balls that it's in this movie with those actors. And that writer, and that director, and that filmmaker, editor. Everything about this movie just kind of feels like they hired out a bunch of music video directors to do a lot of the second... Montage. Second unit footage. Montage. And from how the story progresses. The fight scenes aren't bad, but they're definitely not good either. And when the film finally comes to the end after all of the Apple product montages and the Alienware, which was really weird. The FBI apparently used Alienware. Yeah. Why would they have Alienware computers? Because they sponsored the movie, jackasses. In the end, this movie is just as forgettable, I feel, as it has always been. There are a few lines here and there that we remember being a gobbling thundercun. Because of how crude, bad, or dumb they are. Honestly, the whole repartee between Ryan Reynolds and Parker Posey, it's always fun. It doesn't matter what world it's in. It's always those two play well together. Triple H isn't it? He's kind of fun, honestly. He gets shot in the middle of the wall. And then he doesn't pull the arrow out. But he has a full head of hair because it's 2005. Yeah, exactly. It's not bald Triple H. Jeremy looked jealously into the whole movie. Yeah, this would have been WWF still. This would have been Attitude Era. Technically. I don't know. I think the transition had happened at this point. Had it by 04 really? Yeah. I think it had happened at this point. Either way, this movie still sucks though. Yeah, that's garbage. I mean, it's terrible. What's the rating there, Jeremy? Yeah, let's get a rating. I would give this movie a passing generous two. Yeah. That's those there ahead. Rihanna's going to go next. I was going to give it a two. Two out of seven? Any reason why? Well, I have not seen it in 20 years. And now I remember why I haven't received it. Yeah, it's getting a two. Dominic Purcell sucks balls in every role he's ever been in. Two balls. From all the prison breaks and like, tomorrows and all the shits he's done. Dominic Purcell sucks. He dragged this movie down, Parker Posey and Ryan Reynolds. Elevate it. They elevate it to like a 1.85 at best. So I'm going to go ahead and round up to a two out of seven. I'm going to give it a four because Ryan Reynolds is shirtless. I fucking love Ryan Reynolds. I mean, I'm down with Ryan Reynolds shirtless. I mean, he's not wrong. Ryan Reynolds looks very good shirtless. I can't dissuade him on that. If he was a whole movie, maybe a four. Okay, Ryan Reynolds gets a four. The rest of the movie gets a three. I don't know. Three is still prize. I really like it. It's that era of like post high school for us. It's fun. It's y'all like a music video. It's the style job. It's all filmed in our hometown. You can like home spot the whole movie. I can't justifiably give this thing anything better than a two because this movie sucks. But it's fun. It's a blast. I love this movie. I like it a lot. Also, it's part of the like pre Marvel era. Yeah. So I really like it because it's like the foundation. This movie almost killed it. Four years before Iron Man. Yeah. But the MCU started off of this. Love you all. All right, guys. Hope you enjoyed the video. Bye-bye. We will see you again on the next one. All right. I'm going home. Shit.