 Ah! Spoke to your lawyer and he just said to just stay away from schools. You've got enough friends, you don't need to go on making new friends at schools. It's fucking weird. Okay, call him back tomorrow by the way. He's been trying to get a hold of you for like two weeks. We live Matt? We're there. Week number four it should be number five but oh no I had to get in a doctor's all last week. Oh wow. What a fucking stressful fucking week, man. I'll tell you what. Health is probably like, it's probably like second most important thing. And let me tell you, all right, for those in their mid to early 20s, you're going hard heaps, just fucking, like if I could go back to my 20s and just remove like, even just maybe 30% of my partying, I would do that in a fucking heartbeat. Just sort of take nine less caps on a night out. Yeah, not do those extreme things. Yeah, we do too many, too quick. No need for that. And I promise you, you will regret it one day. It will catch up with you. So I went to the cardiologist again. He made me do all these tests. I had to wear a 24-hour blood pressure machine. I had to go and get a renal ultrasound. I had to... What's a renal ultrasound? It's like we kidneys and shit are. Okay. And to see like the... Cause my blood pressure is just like 150 over 90, just sitting here all the time. And made me get all these blood tests and shit. Anyway, the renal ultrasound lady was like a bit concerned. So we all started panicking thinking, fuck, I've got kidney diseases. It's something to do with my kidney. And it all made sense. All of the symptoms, it was just like, oh, fuck. I fucked myself up in my late 20s. And here I am now paying for it. Well, all your 20s and your teenage years. Yeah. And as a kid, you fucked yourself with the sugar noodles, the German food. And the kidney disease is irreversible, you know, according to normal medicine, irreversible, incurable. You just sort of sit there and your kidneys get worse and worse and worse until you're on dialysis and you're dying. So we're a bit fucking panicked. Then, right, just cause Mon's family goes to this chiropractor. They, the day before I got my blood test results back, cause I was freaking out. And I was just going to anyone really to fucking, for a bit of advice about what was happening. So I went to the chiropractor and he's a kinesiologist as well, and fucking hell out of like, I've been to fucking six different doctors in the last 12 months, spent like three grand on testing. I went to this chiropractor, Rigby chiropractors in Brisbane. They honestly like, listen to this. This is how fucked this is, okay? I went there, not expecting anything. I don't really go to chiropractors or kinesiologists. It's a really weird process that they make you do. You wouldn't think that it would be a pro, it looks like fucking just some random- Witchcraft. Yeah, it literally looks like witchcraft when you get there. He said to me, he made me do all these things and he's like, I don't think it's your kidneys. I reckon it's your adrenal glands. And then he gave me this natural medication, right? Fucking, it's legit called love. And it's just a mixture of all these roots. I had some within six hours, my blood pressure had dropped like 25 points within six fucking hours. All it does is just calms your adrenal glands down. Then the next day, I get my blood test results and the blood test results match exactly what the chiropractor slash kinesiologist had said. Like six other doctors have been staring at my heart. Oh, your heart looks fine. Had to get another heart echo. Oh, your heart looks fine, blah, blah, blah. Maybe think something else. Spending so much money on all these specialists, no one could fucking tell me what was wrong. Went to one chiropractor slash kinesiologist, gave me a little fucking $50 vial of like herbal shit and it has worked better than any other medication has in the last two years. And Sidney, after two years, it's the first time my heart's not beating out of my chest. I don't feel it beating out of my chest. And it's a natural fucking remedy, man. Do you understand, cunt? Not everyone has to go to the fucking specialists. Let's be honest, doctors these days with what they're pushing are pretty fucked. They are fucked. Well, it's all geared wrong. They're treating the symptoms. They're not treating the cause. Okay, they're not looking for a why. They're just, oh, you have high blood pressure here. Have this tablet. They're legal drug dealers. This tablet is giving you this side effect. Oh, here, have this tablet for that side effect. And so on and so on. The cause is never treated so you get sicker and sicker. Honestly, I could not fucking believe how well one trip to the chiropractor went. Plus he fucking fixed my shoulder a bit. Like it's honestly, like- I'm gonna go there too. So, what are you gonna go for? I just wanna see, maybe have sex? Okay. They do offer that some of them. But anyway, so to conclude, I get some more test results back next Monday. But the blood test showed they think it's my adrenal glands are just fried from chronic stress over the last, however many years. And so I just need to do things, change my lifestyle to make sure that my adrenal glands aren't just fucking constantly trying to fire adrenaline into my body because they're just so fucked. They miss fire. Even while I sleep, my cortisol levels are through the roof because they're just constantly trying to squirt adrenaline out, even though there's nothing left in them. And it was literally like painful where my kidneys were. Like it was so sore. So that's when I was like, I was convinced, oh, this is kidney disease. Did you take what the chiropractor told you back to the doctor and be like, oh, this is what it is? I haven't seen the cardiology. Oh, that's bullshit. Yeah, I've seen the cardiology. But it'd just be good to take it back. Take this job. Yeah, I will. I will tell him. But it's good to take it back. Doctors and media, they look at, someone said to them, I take this natural remedy and it's working. They just roll their eyes and I go, yeah, whatever. Cause I don't learn about that shit. And you're told that it's all bullshit. But honestly, two years of stressing about this heart shit within one appointment at a chiropractor and kinesiologist, I feel so much fucking better about everything just after him giving me this fucking herbal medicine. It's unbelievable. What do you think, Matt? I think it's the best you've felt coming out of the past. For two years, for two fucking years. Like you always come out stressed and not sure what's going on. And I still have more test results to get, but I'm less stressed because the medication is working. So then you just go back to him. Yeah, exactly. So if you're fucking struggling out there and you don't know what's wrong with you, just try it. Go to a chiropractor slash kinesiologist. Can't just be a chiropractor. They need to do kinesiology. Just try it and have a fucking see what it, and when you start making you do weird shit, just trust me, okay? It fucking worked very well for me. I'll keep you guys posted on it if it continues to work, but best stuff felt in two years. What's kinesiology? Man, I don't, it's probably knows. He's got a degree in science though too, like we do. Like the full science and doctor, it's just a weird thing. Yeah, it's just a bit different. We're different sort of science, I think. We're physical science. Painful science. Speaking of Matt Brown. Happy birth, you happy. It's Matt Brown's birthday everyone. And she was included in a science video of the ages today. That should be out right now. So if you want to see the fucking Matt Brown video, Matt wanted, he came to us, wanted us to do an experiment which whips the most. He was very, he came to us. He ran at us backwards, demanded that we do this experiment and then beat the fuck out of us with whips. Yeah, we have some marks on our body. Actually, God, I fucking never want to do that again. Yeah, plus if you see us dripping sweat, it's cause it's like so hot in here. It's boiling. I'm like dripping sweat. Dude, look at me. I'm glazed already and it's just begun. It's just begun. It's so bad. So hot today and so humid. But it's Matt Brown's birthday, so go in the comments and say, Happy birthday, Brown. And tell him what you want him to do to you sexually cause that's what he gets off on. How old are you today? 38? I'm 35. Shit, man. We're starting to get a bit old. Dude, that's halfway to 70. Yeah, shit's starting to fall apart. Dude, that's halfway to, you live your life again. You're 70. That's not fucking, that's not fucking around. Once you're 70, you're fucked. You're dead, pretty much. It depends. Well, like your quality of life would be pretty shit at 70. I'm so glad. I'm so mad. Look at Arnold Schwarzenegger. He's like 70. He's like unheard of ringworm. I have such a nicer outlook now on life now that I know that it's not my heart. My heart is fucking awesome. Yeah, it is. It's just some of my adrenals. I might live to fucking your age now. 65. I'll be so happy with 70, man. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, it was like, as I said, health is probably the second biggest, most important thing in the world. So stressful. So like, it was a very, very stressful week. That type of fear, like, you don't want that, like, trust me, that type of fear is life-changing. Seeing him like that was really rough. It's life-changing fear, OK? Like, so just fucking look after yourself in your 20s. It's as fun as it is. Just moderate a little bit. Still get fucking... Yeah, still have the best time ever, but just don't push it as hard as you can every single time. Yeah, yeah. Try and give your body a rest. And yeah, just have, like, two to three pills. Yeah, you're not impressing on anyone by doing heaps. Well, come on now, you were very impressed. We were so cool. And the amount of people, the amount of people, the amount of drugs that we've done to other drug takers, you get a fucking high five and a head nod like that. I was impressed with the footage I would get of you guys. Some people would take one cap and die. What the fuck? And we'd have three of those same caps. A bad dose, like, getting a bad... No, we had the same pills that... And Julian even said, who sold us the fucking drugs. His mate died the day before. Yeah, and he's like, don't take more than one of these. We took three that night. I don't really... I couldn't piss for hours. And we were so fried. We didn't talk. We just sat in the lounge room, grinding our teeth just fucked out of our mind. There's no conversation. That sounds like a fucking awesome night. Yeah, well, we were fucking sick, Matt. We were fucking sick. Sick in the head. And it's translated to sick in the body later in life. No, you're fine now. It's actually, fuck it. Take as much as you fucking want. Well, let's just wait. You just get your original glands fried, and that's fine. Well, let's just wait till the kidney hats. Next Monday we'll have all of the results, and then we'll know who knows. Imagine if they just said, I have fucking cancer or something. And here we are fucking, yeah. Yeah, and I love having cancer count. Put a hole on getting really fucked up. But if you're in the clear, that shows, with science, that you can do as many caps as you want, and then you are fine. You will have to turn your life around at some stage. Yeah, probably about 30. Then start to think about... If he was still doing what he was doing, you'd be fucking right next to the... You'd be a doctor, diagnosing me. Really? Maybe, I don't know. I reckon that I'd be getting diagnosed. Diagnosed, that's what I meant. That's what I meant. I would have OD'd by now. Let's be honest. Matt, be honest. No. All right. OK. I don't think you... I think you continuously did things. You never pushed the limits every single night. You just continuously did things. So your health is just continuously damaged. Yeah, it never had a rest. Everyone, our mate, Shane Warn, shit. I don't know if you guys heard Shane Warn. He sent us a video for our hard segment. So he's a friend of the podcast. He died, heart attack. Fucking... Yeah, crazy. He's a very healthy guy, too. Yeah, so maybe, yeah, don't get fucked up. I guess it's just luck of the draw. It's like, it has to be luck of the draw. It's struck of the law. It's struck of the law completely. It depends on what hand you get dealt and timing. Yeah. I think. But yeah, fuck. Yeah, it's a rough one. What a lovely guy. We love you, Shane, wherever you are. And shout out to his family, too. Yeah, shout out to his family. But there was also a bit of water around town. And fucking hell. Yeah, the floods. Like, people died? A few people died. This place right here, right, when the peak of the floods, I fucking, at nighttime, I was like, I fuck, I better go and... I was away. Because Michael was at his girlfriend's place, and that's a little while away. I was like... Oh yeah, you're a millennia, right? So I was like, fuck, I'm gonna have to come and check. So I drove and the bridge right before this house was completely flooded. I couldn't pass it. So I was like, fuck! This place might be fucking underwater, baby. And then we get here on Monday, and the fucking Michael, one of Michael's bins is gone. You can see the water came up pretty fucking high, bro. Yeah, for some reason, our boat, we have a boat, by the way. Yeah, we have a fucking boat. It's just like, out the front of the house. The dinghies usually kept at the back of the house. It was tied to the front fence with an extension cord. It was an A-roll boat. So the boat must have been floating away. With no one in it. One of your neighbors, who's probably a hero, probably sprinted over and strapped it up. I like to think so, yeah. Thank you, neighbor, whoever did that. Maybe it was one of the horses. Oh, the horses. But I wonder how the horses went. Yeah, God, it was hectic. And everyone said, don't drive home on the Bruce Highway. I drove home. Well, depends where on the Bruce Highway. It's quite long. They said that we were trapped in the Sunshine Coast hinterlands. They said that we'd be trapped. No, we weren't. We were fine. They just said that. Yeah, some areas were OK. But, man, others fucking copped it. Like, there's something on the south side of Brisbane. I had people at my work. They lost their houses. Sucked for them. And northern New South Wales. They're still fucked right now with no help. We're fucking, you guys still struggling? If there's any listeners from there, let us know in the comments. We're trying to decide whether it's still worth it to go down and help out. It's a real big fuck you. It's always been a fuck you to the media for what they've done, especially the last couple of years. But fuck you even more for this whole flood situation and not helping assholes and not help. Well, not really the media, too, but the government as well. Yeah, the same fucking thing. Yeah, God damn it. It's really, really shit. Yeah, it's a poor response. Oh, it's a very poor response. It's grossly grossly grotesque. A lot of people coming out, though, Willem Powerfish. Yeah, fucking Willem is helping out. He is an absolute legend. What did he do? He put 10 grand or something at an IGA. So he's gone. He's gone again today. He's gone to fucking Lismore today to deliver more. And if there's any viewers from there, let us know. We're still considering whether we should go. We're just so backed up now with filming because last week it was fucking we didn't get anything done because I was in and out of fucking seven different tests and couldn't really film with a bloody blood pressure thing on my arm and fuck me, mate. Fucking fuck off. It was very scary. Lots of pro surfers are out there on jet skis or getting people out of houses. Mick Fanning was getting rescue and people on jet skis. But anyway, you all know this. It's been a rough, rough time. Well, it's always fucking that last couple of years. Anyway, moving on to something really, really exciting. I've come up with a new concept. I don't like that you're fucking looking at me. No, no, no, no, this has got nothing. Well, you could use it and this goes out for everyone. And I think everyone, you know, is struggling in this time. I know I've come up with a concept. It's called paying. I can't really remember it. I think it's called paying it backwards. Remember the one paying it forward? No, pay for pay it forward. It's like a movie. They keep it filled at the end. Yeah, pay it forward. Just ruined it forever. I haven't seen it. Yeah, it's fucking it's shit. Let me spoil it. This is called paying it backwards. So on Sunday afternoon, I was at Woolworth's with my girlfriend. It was backed up in the car park. And there was a massive, massive argument. Someone had snaked someone's car spot. They'd gone in and we'd parked and we'd witnessed the whole thing. We'd be just parked. And then the lady gets out and there's this couple that gets out who snaked the car park from another lady. And that lady went off at the couple, especially the female who was driving. And then the female driver went off at her and they had a big, big argument. It was fucking crazy. I really enjoyed it. Anyway, ended with her swearing and blah, blah, blah. We went into the shops and then I kept seeing the couple that had snaked the car park from this lady. Anyway, we got our shit. We went back and I was like, fuck it. Let's stir this shit up. All right, so then we got a note and then I was gonna, I started with the F word and I was like, nah, too harsh, cross that out. And then I wrote, drive better. I am, drive better, bitch. And then we went over and I quickly ran over, snuck it, chucked it on her windscreen. And then basically we ran back and I just waited. It was so exciting. Then the couple walked forward over to their car. They got in, they didn't fucking see the note. The note was right there. Anyway, they drove away and then we followed them for like out of the car park and we got onto the road. And then like, as we got onto the road, the note flew off on like off their car onto the middle of the road. And then they pulled up like, fuck, we have to see this. So we pulled up near them, but it was obvious cause we're in the Marty and Michael fully actual van. So we had to sort of look like we weren't parking out. We were just driving around. So we started checking the tires. Yeah. Anyway, we sort of did this Yui around them very sussly and she made her boyfriend go, get that note. I could just, she looked like the most grumpiest bitch in the world. Anyway, the boyfriend grabs the note, he reads it and he starts chuckling to himself. And he walks up, hands the note to her and she just see her face just gets so mad and frustrated. Anyway, we paid it backwards. It's kind of fucked up, man. It's kind of fucked up. They followed them that far. Hey, I've got a question. If it's really busy at the shops, right? And someone gets out of the car from like the back of the line and walks over and stands in a car park to secure it, waiting for their car. No, it's not on. Is that not on? No. Yeah, I've always been against that and fuck, I've had a few car runs, do you see that stuff on YouTube? No, I'm not fucking moving. Yeah. Anyway, anyway, let's pay it backwards. Fucking, there's something from my Bible. Take it as you wish. All right, let's move on though. We got to get past, we still got to do the sponsors which is going to take a little while because we've got a brand new one and then we've got to get past this boring shit and into the fucking beef of the podcast. All right, the sponsors. As you can see where Manscaped sponsors us. Okay, go to manscaped.com, use our discount code fully actual 24, 20% off all Manscaped products. Look at the table here, okay? They've got new like shampoo conditioner. They got body wash and we actually had a look. They're like paraben and sulfate free, which is like fucking good. Look at the cancer. They don't give you cancer these ones. They've got deodorant now. They got roll on. They got body wash shampoo conditioner. So it's actually like, like we're actually, they sent us a whole box of this. So we are using this. Matt, you can fuck it up one if you want. Take one, take one as you leave if you want. Have a look at that's real nice bottles, 20% off. If you need new body wash, it'll be at your house within a few days. This is just body spray. So you just spray it all over your body. Is that what it's for? What is going on? You spray it all over your body because it's called body spray. Is that what it does? It's just, so it's like deodorant, but it's just a hydrating body spray. Fuck me. See what I mean? They got shit that you didn't even know that you need. See how nice that is, Matt Brown? Yeah, it's hydrating for you. Drink it. I think you can drink it. See, you can drink it. Oh, actually, I don't know that for sure. Anyway, so manscape.com, discount code, fully actual 20 for 20% off. We're also, this podcast is funded by the University of Markle, our subscription website, okay? It's got, just yesterday, a video posted where Matt is whipping us with all sorts of different whips. Extension cords, whips, real whips, TV antennas, car antennas, a belt. Oh, so fucking painful. If you want to see that, you can watch it for free. There's a 21 day free trial. So you can see if you like the content. We post one weekly video every week. That would never ever be allowed on social media. Don't you understand? Social media has so many rules. They don't know about the Civil War or the Revolutionary War. No, no, let's call it the Civil War. The week before. The American Revolution, you fucks. The week before we did a video with. The world is the world. Potato guns. Yeah, we can call it whatever we want. It's a civil war. Yeah, because countries, the world is one country. The reason doesn't matter. It's the Civil War. We filmed the Civil War again. It was shot each other. And we both had potato guns. Anyway, I got him in the head twice with a fucking potato gun. The worst tennis ball hit I've ever had. Had a bruise on my head. Two headshots. Shocking. They come out like from here to here so fast, Matt. Here to here fast. Anyway. Brown. Brown. If you want to go and have a look at that content, link is in the description for YouTube. University of Markle.com slash 21 day free trial. Anyway, we have a brand new sponsor. Let's a little clap first. Because we don't get many sponsorships, as you guys know, because I fucking pull my ass cheeks apart and squirt fart into microphones. And we talk about Matt stalking. Okay. Not many companies want to get on board with us. Yeah. Nord VPN. They want to get on board. They helped us. It's a three episode trial. So help us out. We've never actually even used a VPN before, right? So we've been forced to go to Nord VPN. Let me just get my notes out here. I got some shit that I need to say. It's very, very. Have you ever used a VPN, Matt? I have. This is so you can get Netflix in America, if you're in Australia, you can get better Netflix. Right. So there's there's a couple of pretty good, massive benefits, right? So now first you have complete security. No one can fucking hack you. Okay. A lot of people think that VPNs slow your internet down. This one doesn't. Nord VPN does not slow your your internet speed down at all. That's fucking insane, Matt. Plus, you know how America and Netflix get all the fucking awesome shit and is way bigger and like just any entertainment anywhere in the world, you'll be able to get. You can pretend you're in America and you get American Netflix. You can pretend you're, if you're in Russia, this is more important to you than ever right now because they have blocked everything from you. So any Russian fans listening, get Nord VPN, okay? To grab your exclusive Nord VPN deal, go to Nord and so N-O-R-D-V-P-N dot com slash fully actual or use the code fully actual to get a huge discount off your Nord VPN plan plus one additional month for free plus a bonus gift. It's completely risk free with Nord's 30 day money back guarantee. So try it for 30 days. If it's shit, just unsubscribe like you do with our website when you watch our shit. Same thing. And you get your money back. I reckon help us out. If we can do well with this, then we can keep them. Yeah, then they stay on. Then we actually progress in this podcast. Cause we're not even... We don't make money from this. It costs us so much money, you know? Any idea how expensive Matt Brown is sitting there with these fucking glasses and towel and have to give him all our manscape product. He's very expensive. Not to mention we have to pay Kona to edit and we none of these are ever monetized. So just help us out. NordVPN.com slash fully actual. Get a VPN. See what it's like. We've never done it. We've never had a VPN, but fucking fuck it. Let's do it together. We'll all get VPN and no one will know where we fucking live. Then we'll be safe. They won't be able to track you. You can know the hackers. We'll be able to see your search history cunt. Your disgusting filthy search history. NordVPN. They're very good. Yeah. Ra, ra. On this day. Shit. Here we go. Oh, boy. I want to get baked for this. Is it Bong Break? Cause we have a long session. All right, yeah. Let's now that all the boring shit's out of the way, here comes the good shit, all right? We got the fucking... Bong Break time. Yeah, we got all the good shit coming. Fucking. Oh, but before we cut to Bong Break, if you want to support us, you can't support us by doing any of the things we just mentioned, please just drop a like with a little thumbs up is and drop a comment. If you don't know what to comment, just comment the word comment. Okay. We pick comments, comment anything you want, man. Brown. Subscribe. It really helps us out to see those numbers grow, tricks YouTube into thinking that people want to see our dumb shit. So even when it's not monetized, it gets shown to new people. So please drop a like, man. It helps. Drop a fucking like, man. We're all in this together. We're all in this together, Matt Brown. That's right. Bong Break. And we're back. Also, I forgot to mention before the Bong Break, that Nord VPN, the link for that, it will also be in the description in YouTube. That makes it easier. And we're going to put it above the Manscaped link, because that's how grateful we are for Nord jumping on. And let's just see if they stick around after hearing our fucked shit. Dude, you're looking good. I look exactly like Michael now. Michael Myers. Is the red hair, man. Hey, it's strawberry blonde. Exactly. On this day. Okay. Here we go. On this day in 2012, Taylor Swift tragically had a miscarriage. She did not realize she was pregnant and went to a theme park. There she went on the most terrifying roller coaster ever. As the roller coaster rocketed up, the G-forces were so strong that her fetus was sucked out of her and left hanging on by the umbilical cord. The roller coaster took a sharp turn and the fetus slung into a piece of roller coaster structure and obliterated it. Bits of fetus exploded onto the other passengers. Once the ride was over, Taylor was incredibly embarrassed and tried to make light of the situation by telling everyone to shake the fetus off, just shake it off. A year later, she even wrote a hit song, Shake It Off, based on the incident. I'm Matt Brown and I'm a horny cunt. Man, that is extreme. But she got a lot of money out of that one. She wrote that song out of that. It was very popular. You turn a negative experience into a beautiful pop song and it can take you anywhere in the world. So next time you hear that song, Shake It Off by Taylor Swift, now you know how she came to that. That's perfect, Matt. It maybe gives inspiration to have similar experiences to get shit like that. Pregnant women, go on and get on roller coasters. I might write a hit song. Well, it might spark your pregnancy, Matt. Okay? It might begin the birthing process. Gosh. Could, yeah. I'm not trying to kill anything here. You're trying to help out. You could get, yeah, early birth. Trying to help out. So it's like if you are due, then go on a roller coaster. That's pretty rare. Because you don't want it to stay in there for too long. If you are due? Speeding it up. What does that have to do with it? Oh, yeah. Sorry. I should apologize for that. Matt's the only Jewish person here. Are you Jewish? How did you know that? That's why he doesn't have a foreskin on his head. Holy shit. Are you Jewish? Dude, how do you do that? All the Jewish jokes he makes, you've never caught on. Oh, wait, wait. You're playing with me because I'm stoned. He's not Jewish? Yeah, I wouldn't. I can't say that. It's okay if you are. Are you sure? Are you sure if you're Jewish or not? His dick indicates that he might be. Really? But you can get circumcised and not be Jewish. Ramadan. Have Ramadan. Do they do that? Yeah. Okay. Oh my God. Matt's Jewish now. All right. Michael's Bible. Oh, here we go. Speaking. This is part Jewish. That's exactly right, baby. Okay. Chapter two, verse 10 from the book of C. You must be be to see be. And to see be is being see itself. Does that make, you're following so far? Yeah, yeah. So open your eyes and be. Seeing does not exist without being. Just as being does not exist without seeing. They are one in the same, but also complete opposites. To see is to truly be. Just as to truly be is to truly see. See? I want you to call me Beesus from now on. Now this one, people get confused with this because they think if you're blind, then this excludes you. But you can still see things in your head. If you be. If you're blind. Yeah. A sight itself is not seeing. Being is seeing. And seeing is being. I think is the lesson to take away from that. And you know what? So that means we are instead of just human beings, we're also human beings. Human beings as well. What do you think, Matt? That's heavy, man. I feel different. Yeah. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my back. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Because I always thought that. You had the weight on your back? Yeah. I feel like a weight was lifted. Yeah. Ha. Ha. That is a new sound that Marty started. With Rhonda. I've never heard Rhonda say that or any sort of voice from you say, Hey. Ha. That tone. Yeah. She's. Speaking of. Yeah. Arnold Fine. Who we've figured out is having. Rhonda's husband. Well, well, that's what he's telling people. I secretly think that Arnold Fine is having an affair with Rhonda. But when people see them together, he says, oh, this is my wife. Anyway, that's just a hunch that I have. Well, Arnold Fine's wife is so sick. She is sick. She's an alcoholic. But so his real wife could maybe be like. Actually sick with a terminal where she can't get up. Yeah. Well, I'll have to ask him. And I don't know any of that. So he's on my head. He's like side chick is Rhonda. Oh, we're just we're just speculating here. I have no idea. I'll have to find out at the end of the episode. When he prank calls the same tavern that Rhonda called Matt. His eyes darting around, which tells me that it's time for. Oh, what? Little black book. Matt Brown. Little black book. I thought shouldn't it be called little Brown's book? Little Brown's book of black. Little by little black Brown book. Let's see what secrets dwell in this layer tonight. This layer. Oh, here we go. Little Brown Brown book. All right, let's see where we have this here. Yes. Here's the spot. It's quite a long one. Have number 22. 22. Mr. Blue. You've so many house, Mr. Brown. I've had a few. I've had a few. I've had to look at you. I was enjoying my still born roast for breakfast when there was a knock on the door. I glided backwards to my front door and opened it. I was greeted by an absolute monster of a woman. She was at least eight foot tall. I stared up in amazement. She had long, thin hair and a receding hairline, a mono brow and some hair on her chin. She smiled to reveal her yellow teeth scattered throughout her mouth. I'm your new neighbor. She bellowed. I just coming to introduce myself. I am Hulk from Sweden originally. She offered to shake my hand and her hands were the size of dinner plates. I'd never seen such a massive woman before. And I felt a third testicle descend from my inner core as I knew it would take a lot of mince to fill this creature. Welcome to the neighborhood. I am Matt Brown. Pleasure to meet you, Matt Brown. She had a twinkle in her eyes and my little Brown sensed something happening. Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee? I inquired. That would be lovely. She replied. She had to duck to enter my house and remained hunched over to not hit her head on the ceiling. The floorboards creaked and cracked under her weight as she walked. I led her to the lounge room and told her to sit. She instinctively sat on the floor as she knew her head would still hit the ceiling as she sat on the couch. I went to make the coffees and glants back right before I left the room. She was staring back at me and biting her bottom lip lustfully. Her crooked yellow teeth pierced through her lip and blood was rolling down her face and dripping from her hairy chin. I gave her a little wave and continued to the kitchen. I could not believe my luck. Not only had this freakishly large giant wand straight into my lair, but she was showing very obvious signs of interest. I returned with a coffee and as I entered the lounge room, I looked at Hulk and she was completely naked. She had light brown hair in between her tits and all over her back and legs. I could see that look in your eyes, Matt. Now come and have me. I pegged the coffees at the wall and let out a victorious shriek. My legs and torso swelled up to such a size that my clothes ripped off of me. My little brown was dancing like a cobra, ready to strike. And then all three of my testicles were writhing with maggots and hot mints. The giant still hunched, sat on her arse and lifted her giant hairy legs in the air. Break me, Matt Brown! She screamed. I sprinted at her and with a run-up punched her huge gaping split. It swallowed up my arm to my elbow and I felt her cunt grasp onto me. The giant stirred with pleasure and grabbed at the back of my head. She pulled me in and licked my face with her horse-sized tongue. With my free arm I started groping at her lightly hairy tits. I managed to pull my arm out of her and lined up her gash with my hips. I thrust forwards and my little brown didn't even touch the sides so wide set with as was this monster's pussy. The beast started sucking on my entire head and this sparked my little brown to swell to ten times its size. I was finally erect enough to feel the sides of her box and started jack-hanger hammering at this creature while my entire head was still in her mouth and both my arms played with her huge sagging tits. The inside of her mouth smelled like rotting meat then I power vomited directly down her throat similar to how a mother bird feeds its young. I felt my ejaculation surge begin in my arse. So I jack-hammed harder and harder until I exploded. My little brown opened like a blooming flower and glowing hot red molten mints surged from my core. She released my head from her mouth and she felt her insides being burnt from my mints. Black smoke billowed from her mouth and eyes and she collapsed backwards unconscious. I finished coming and unplugged my disfigured little brown. The giant was dead, smoke still pouring from her, burnt from the inside out. I dragged her corpse to the my incinerator and turned her huge corpse into ashes. I had pinched a load off in a giant and then wasn't even midday yet. Fuck yeah, cunt! You killed a woman! Oh my god, dude! Please burn her from the inside! So you've actually like, you've... Oh my god, I don't know if that's legal. Black smoke... Should we cut that, man? ...coming from her eyes. Maybe. Yeah, that's very... Black smoke coming out of her eyes. That is an intense fucking picture. Do we cut that, dude? Are you gonna... Is that okay? Are they looking for her? Should we check with legal? Yeah, we might have to check with legal. Oh my god, dude. Fuck. She's playing with a fucking giant. Yeah, 840 is massive, man. I'm imagining something from like Jack in the Beanstalk. Yeah, like, that's a big, big bitch. Matt Brown. Oh, Matt Brown. Oh, very good. Bravo. Oh my god. Well done, Mr Brown. You have conquered another woman, huh? In true Matt Brown style. She lies now. She lies in ashes. Oh, well... Yeah, fuck. I guess it's a shame about the life, but... She was a giant. Yeah, she seemed like a monster. She seemed like she didn't quite fit in in the society anyway. Let's just say that she was like 800 foot. Instead of 8 foot, 800 foot. Let's just pretend like that never happened. Yeah, okay. All right, next we have the cow. Which is the comment of the week. And we all decide on it, right? So if you want your comment to be commented on the week, it goes up on the board. But Mr Brown has forgotten last two weeks ago the winner of the comment of the week. And so we haven't got the new comment on our board. Can you hold the board up, Matt? It's a very good board. It's a great board, but we have it. So we'll add that one. Plus this week's comment of the week, which has already been decided. Matt will now read the comment and then explain why we want to give it comment of the week. Matt Brown? Well, it was a very, very highly liked question. So it was because it's highly liked. How many likes are we talking here, baby? We got 67. And it is a question too, isn't it? It is a question. So we want to answer it now, but read it out. We want to answer it when it's questions time. We can launch straight into questions. Yeah, that's so true. Why don't we go for a comment? Now, if you want us to answer your questions, by the way, all you got to do is just comment your question. We answer the questions with the most likes, as long as we haven't answered them too often previously. So if you want your question answered, comment a question and have a scroll through and like the questions that you see, because we will probably answer them, man. Well said. Thanks, man. It's so hot, man. I know. My hair is so red. Everywhere. Look at me. I bet I'm sweatiest. All right. The comment for the board is, it goes to fly by night. Well done fly by night. We comments all the time. So thank you fly by night. It's a question. And the question is, does Michael have a better sense of personal hygiene now that he has a new girlfriend? We might as well jump straight into the questions. And that is a great question to start, baby. Yes. Yeah. He's forced to have a much routine. Yeah. Routine now. I had the same questions when he, when he started fucking staying over at his girlfriend's because like fucking. What girl is going to want to leave? This place is pretty. It's you got fucking source all over your curtains. You got a rat and fucking disgusting. Yeah. Fuck. I forgot. I haven't seen them yet. I saw one. I came in really. Yeah. You got it. You got to film it, man. They want to see it. He ran. I always look out because I got to catch him. Got to catch him. Michael's rats. Just one. Yeah. Just one. That's one. That's fine. I wonder hopefully they're all right after the floods. I don't. I'm willing for them to be sacrificed. Wow. I bet there's a Python out there having a feast though. Like fuck. If there's only one. Also guys, if you see the fully actual. YouTube account or applying to comments. It's it's Matt Brown doing the replies. I've see you sometimes pretend like you're, you're us. Matt sometimes pretends that he's us. Replying is the fully actual. It is Matt Brown. Replying. So if you want to speak to Matt Brown and have a conversation with him, you can do so in the comments and the Marty and Michael comments and replies. Those are from us, but we do go through and read all the comments. So even if you don't see his reply, we do know we should have a good read. Start thumbs uping him. So they know. Yeah. Okay. We can do that. I'll start thumbs uping it when we read him. That's easy. That pretends that he's us sometimes. Well, I don't. Hang on. So nice to be able to smoke a little bit of weed again. Now the blood pressure is down because of some miracle medicine that chiropractor gave me. Yeah. I guess you'd be stressing way less. Yeah, dude. I sleep now at night because I might not. I'm not going. You have a new lease on life. I might. Yeah. I can live again now. Congratulations, dude. I hope it just stays like this. I hope I don't get any bad news next Monday, but I won't. The blood tests are very good. Yeah, you won't. 100%. Surely. Still, I haven't got my renal results yet. Touch wood. Where? Is that the... We did this experiment on that. It doesn't work. It doesn't work? Pretty sure. I can't remember the conclusion. We'll have to redo it. Conclusion is stupid anyway, Matt Brown. What's the question you have on your mind? The question is from James Williams. I doubt it. But anyway, go on then. Question for the podcast. When they make a movie of you guys, who would you pick to play yourselves? I would pick Matthew Gregory Brown. Dennis from Always Sunny in Philadelphia to play me. I don't know who that is. Michael does. Which one's he? I don't know. Fuck. I don't know names. Denny DeVito? Maybe. I don't know. Denny DeVito to play Matt Brown. Really short, Matt. That's really short for some reason. For Marty, he chose Jason Statham. And for Michael, he chose Nicholas Cage. Very random. They look nothing like you. Yeah, I wonder how they'd go playing this. I'd go Risa Farnes. For my own film. Oh, Risa Farnes. I don't know who that is. He's from Notting Hill. The Spike. Oh, that guy right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And for Marty, I'd go Paul Black. Maybe Jack Black for Marty. Just so he can act it. But he has to get skinnier. I don't know. It's tough on fuck. He can't do one for you. I think Marty should play himself. They're all they're also like good looking. Most of the fucking Hollywood people. They need some like ugly accounts there. Sorry. It's just funny or if you're ugly, you know. He can't. Fire red hair, baby. God upset. Startle him. I'm not fucking joking. You broke the computer. It's literally frozen everything. Oh, he's joking. Yeah, I'm joking. Oh, I could tell that I made him feel bad. You almost had me though. I'm very clank clunk. And ever kicked the computer. Next question is from Samson link. Has Michael ever had a breakup solely based on the gross shit he does? No. It's unbelievable. It is unbelievable. We're in shock. That has not happened. I can't wait because Amber still hasn't watched any of the website of Vidsay. Oh, well, yeah, we're going to watch it. We're going to watch Vidsay. Oh, well, yeah, we're going to do a reaction. I really think we're going to the website. We're going to sit our girlfriends down and show them. If we don't show any of the video, we could also just film that for social media. Because like that'd be fucking hilarious. True. That is social media. You could chop it up. You could do like show the video and their reactions. And on social media, you can just have their reaction. I guess we can just blur the bits that need to be blurred. I mean, what about the fucking you laugh you lose? I'm addressed as a cat shitting in a kitty litter box and you're pouring fucking a year's worth of golly on your fucking head. Oh, yeah. That is fucked. And the flags of the Olympics, man. A shit on your back. I forgot about that. So he might get dumped soon. Fuck, you never know. Imagine if she broke up with you. I can't do this. I'm sorry, Michael. I can't do this. Oh, the golly bottle too far. Next question is from Joel. Question for the podcast. Does Matt partake in the bong break? No, he's not allowed. Not allowed to do bong break. Not at the moment. Also, even if I could, it's probably not the best idea. Why, Matt? Oh, I get silly. Imagine if Matt was high. That's the whole point. If I get too silly, I won't be able to control the contraptions. This whole thing is silly. Makes like everything just 10% better. Look at the chair you're sitting in, man. This is... Yeah, it would make that chair 10% better. When am I getting a new chair? Because this is fucked. I think every 5 or 10... Well, we're gonna do it. Oh, 5 or 10 now? No, we're gonna do it roughly every 10. Just because we couldn't be fucked going out buying so many chairs. Maybe you should just buy me one good one. But, you know, it is his birthday. Maybe... Oh, yeah, dude. Let's give him a new chair for his birthday. We do have the new chair. Do you have a new chair? Yeah, dude. Let me go... Wait, wait. Let's put Matt in the other room first so that... And we'll lead him out and we'll reveal his reaction on camera. I can't believe this. This is so cool. All right, Matt. What if it's worse than this one? You've got to go in my room. That's the chair we're in. Oh, yes. Ghost is out in the room, baby. Happy birthday, dude. We should just put one wooden spike. It's like one of those egg chairs. This is for people who can't watch on YouTube. It's like a white egg chair. Like a... It's like a lead on it. It's hard to explain. Picture an egg, right? The shell of an egg. Cut it in half and then put it on the ground. And that's what Matt has right now. All right, Mr. Brown. Come on out. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, Matt Brown. Sit in your fucking chair. It's a new brown. Lift the lead and have a seat. You're leaving a chair. Yeah, it's just a back rest. It's for your back, your neck. If you're ever sitting out in the sun in it, it's like a neck rest. Sit down, Mr. Brown. Sit down, Mr. Brown. Oh, fuck, yeah, it will. Oh, fuck. Speaking of the microphone. You are a bit lower, but it works. It's good. It swivels. Yeah, see? More functionality with this. I don't know. My bum's already sore. And now you can lean back. So we thought this is definitely an upgrade. You've got a back rest. A neck rest. How bad is my camera angle? It's good. It's perfect. It's probably better. You're a little lower camera shape. That's what I envisioned this throughout this whole season. Your head is quite low in frame. This is so cute. Look at your legs. They're all like near the table. Your knees are near your ears. And that's good for hearing your legs support your ears. This fucking sucks. I hate it. It's hot as fuck in here right now. This is the hottest day we've had filming a podcast. It's just so bad. Anyway, next question. You're welcome. Oh, yeah. Happy birthday, Matt. Do you want the other gift now? Yeah, go on. Let's give him his other gift. We'll get this out of the way. You got me another gift? Yeah, dude. We got you something serious. Something serious to help. Why is it in a brown bag? To help curb your loneliness. It's a flashlight. Oh, no. The name is Linda. It says Linda on the box. It's a fucking pocket pussy. And I know you're going to pretend like you discussed that gift, but enjoy it, man. Okay. Hey, between you and us. Hey, enjoy it, dude. Probably use lube. Is that what you did? Yeah. Lube and then realistic tunnel bring you authentic enjoyment. Exactly, dude. You can pretend you're fucking whoever you want. You can be watching the news and pretend you're the news anchor is having a hang tanchery with you. Holy shit. Hang tanchery. Hang tanchery. Is that a real thing? Yeah, it's a German name. It says no smell. Hang tanchery. Do you love it? And her name is Linda. Use it now. I hate you guys. Trust me, you'll use it and you'll say thank you. Yeah, of course he'll fucking use it. But anyway, let's pretend like it's a crazy gift he's not going to use. Now. This might have come in handy when he was stalking all those. That is a very, very good birthday present. Now we'll go on to the next question. The chair is so... It looks like he's in a wheelchair. Don't you think it looks like he's in a wheelchair? Oh, yeah. It's like a wheelchair egg. Oh, very good. You look cute. It's like summer camp. Shut up. Okay. Next question. It's from Snakes Makes. What happened to Michael after the henna ink? Wasn't he supposed to go and meet his girlfriend's parents? Oh. You got most of it off, but... It took three days to get it really... Yeah, what did they say about that? Oh, they just, they didn't really notice because I had a hat on and then glasses and we'll sort of add a field and I was kicking the ball around with it. Oh, you get too close to him. Yeah, with the nieces. Oh, there you go. You fixed it. So I got away with it, but they're cool with the vid, so it's okay, I think. Yeah, man. It's definitely a concern of mine. I remember we posted that fart compilation. I was like, man, it's so cringe if Mon's family watched this. Did she say that Mon sent it to them? No. No, she didn't. I just got a text from Mon's dad the next day and he had watched it, but he was laughing at it. So that's all good, baby. Yeah, well, farts are like, you can't go wrong with farts. Of course farts, but let's be clear here. What I do is not a normal thing. Yeah, I guess it's very, very visual as well. I pull my cheeks apart and drag it out for as long as I can. You shouldn't be able to make that sound by pulling apart. Everyone gets confused. There you go. You've got to tie it off for a zipper. Yeah, I tried. I can't do that. It's impossible. I've tried it many times. Fuck, we got to get going. We got to do bachelor. Oh, shit. Yeah, we got to do the bachelor brown segment after this straight away. Okay. Can we just move on? Yeah. Next question. Actually, this goes perfect. Ratmaster has said. Ratmaster. Michael, can you? You can use the brown chair as a foot rest. If Matt get over gets an upgrade, I just got an upgrade. So if you want a foot rest, you can use a blue chair. Next question is from the flow. Will you boys ever go back to a gaming channel? Oh, yeah. We're meant to fuck. We keep saying that we're going to this year. But then if you say yes to too many things, it's just too hard. Yeah, it just sucks the fun out of everything. So we're just sort of happy with the workload of the moment, but we would definitely never rule it out. We've got James on board full-time now. Oh, yeah. And as he, as he, as we get into routine and set things up and he gets faster, we will have more time, baby. So we definitely ain't ruling that shit out. Next question. Put it over there, man. Yeah. So next question is from the flow. Do you remember your favorite German food, Marty? Look in Germany. There's like the quality of meat there. Freshly killed beast. Well, yeah, man. 100%. You know, for breakfast there, they'll have, you can eat mints raw in Germany and they get the mints out in for breakfast. They smear it on rye. Then they'll slap a bit of mustard on maybe a pickle and that is just fucking, it's delicious. Really? Love it. All right. Final question. Great quality meat there, Matt Brown. I think you'd really enjoy it. Oh, shut up. Next question is from Spencer TXB. Did Conor McGregor or his team ever try and contact you over the savagerness of his pics that you guys wrote comments on? No, he never did. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have been him who blocked us either. It would have just been one of his social media team. But still it's pretty fucking cool. But we're trying to get verified on Twitter so that we can start the same thing again on there. So follow us on Twitter, Marty and Michael on Twitter because we will be trying to get there again. I want Conar to read what we say. You can only do that with a verified account. Do you understand? Do you understand, my brown? Oh, it's so hot. It's so hot in here. The egg sort of keeps the heat in his back. Oh, wow. Would you prefer the blue chair over that? Fucking eggs. Really? Too late now. Why don't you try and spread your legs out a bit? How about you fucking leave me alone? You've already damaged me enough. Just move on. It's like a downgrade. There you go. That's a bit better. Yeah, that looks comfier with your legs straightened out. Shut up. Is that it? Questions? Yeah, we're done moving on. All right. It's time for one of the best, most important segments of our entire life. Do you understand? This is when this podcast goes from a normal podcast into changing people's lives. Cunt. Do you understand? This man over here is still in five and he's fucking alone. He's all alone over there. He's got his flesh. He has no one. He has nothing. Matt Brown, Bachelor Brown. So this is where we call people that have sent in their numbers. Bachelor Brown. I like that. We've got some female listeners. They've sent in their numbers. We call them and see if there's any chemistry with our Matthew Brown. Can we just not do this and end? Have you spoken to any of the older? We had to go the second one. They said hello. I just said hello back. So you're not talking to them any longer? That's rude in society. Is that what you're saying, mate? You don't talk to them anymore? I say hello if they say hello. Okay. So you are still talking to them? Sort of. They're watching right now. You don't want to keep talking on? They've been very nice. Okay. So it sounds like they're not going to make the final three unless girls send him better shit. Lift your game. Start talking to them a bit more. So we've been sending another number. There's not going to be any final three. So that idea is fucked. So by the end of the season, Matt's going to pick out his final three and we'll bring them in. And he chooses the one by sound, not sight. She makes some mating call thing. Yeah. She's used by sound. Which one he likes the most? I don't think there's an Australian number, but anyway, let's see. Three days. She lives in his house and we video the whole thing. No. Maybe. Sammy, her name is. Stop. All right. So we haven't discussed the details, but that's pretty much it. I have no details to discuss. Yeah. There'll be maybe five. All right. This right now, this guy I'm about to call could be the future Mrs. Matt Mince Gregory Brown. You'd never know. This could be her. I doubt it. Here we go. All right. Let's see what we got here. Okay. Hello. Hello. This is Marty here. Who am I speaking with? Michelle. Michelle. Very nice to meet you. Michelle, you have just got you on speaking here and I have Michael sitting next to me. But more importantly, to my left, I have a very, very handsome Matthew Gregory Brown and it is actually his birthday today. And he has been so excited to talk to you, Michelle. He's been bouncing up and down and doing a weird little shake and bobbing his head to the side with a gross fucking weird smile on his face. And so we're just wondering if, you know, maybe it's okay if he talks to you for a few minutes. A telephone date. Oh, that's so good. Someone's given us a number to just want some chick they know called Melissa. Michelle. Yeah. Same thing. And now she just had to cop that. I thought it was just even though we are. I thought that's what we thought. She listened to that whole spill and then was like, what the fuck? I'm going to call James again. Maybe you get it wrong. I think we do that. It's very good. That's fucking hilarious. I said we do that one. That was a good rollercoaster. Now this. That's good sign. I just wanted to be. Cop that. I just wanted to be some random woman denied your advances. Sorry, Michelle. Come on. Please just answer your fucking phones. Hello. Hello. This is Marty. Who am I speaking with? Sammy Louise. Sammy Louise. Welcome to a fully actual podcast. I have you on speaker with Michael to my right. But more importantly, we have the beautiful dense Matt Brown. And it is actually his birthday today as well. I don't know if you know that Sammy. So. Okay. So Matt was just wondering if he could maybe like have a chat to you for a few minutes and maybe like woo you and see if you're interested. Whatever conversation Matt is about to come up with. He is pre-thought about and was trying to woo you and impress you with his charisma. All right. So just bear that in mind. You're right. I'm ready for anything. Nothing is like out of my, you know, out of my window. I'm not for anything about anything. Oh, there you go. That's a good start, Matt. And Matt loves to hear things like that. You're up for anything. So Matt, why don't you tell Sammy a little bit about yourself? Yeah, do it. Oh. Tell her about your birthday. Oh, my birthday today. Matt, come on. You're fucking this up. Yeah. I'm not very good at this, Sammy. Come on. Tell her a bit about yourself or something. God, what do you do when you meet someone? You talk to them. Talk to her. Try your best. That's so intense to deal with. Ask her about it. Like what color she likes. Sammy, where are you from? I currently live on the north coast near Byron Bay. Oh, okay. Cool. That's drivable distance. We were going to go there to help with the floods anyway, Matt. You can come and you can meet her. You can come. First date vibes. First date vibes. Red. Red. Red. Red. Do you love, do you love her, Matt? Hey. Matt, no, Matt's got a few more questions. Matt's just got, go on, Matt. Talk. What do you do, what do you do for work? You can do it. What do you do for work? That's a good question. I'm a full-time single mom, so I bartend in the daytime and I am a mother to my son every other time. Nice. Matt's ready to be a dad. He's definitely ready to be a dad. Yeah, I could be a step back. And how old are you, Matt? Today, I turned 35. Oh, straight. That's a new 21. Oh, good. How old are you? I'm 28. Oh, cool. Okay. That's fucking perfect. Well done. Holy shit, that's perfect. And literally, I think every lady that we've spoken to has been a mother so far now. Yeah, a lot of single moms. You must have that fatherly vibe about you, the way you hold yourself. In a dad board, I've seen it that you own. Fucking hell. He's got a dad board for the ages. What do you like to do in your spare time? What are your hobbies? That is a good question. Carry into it, man. My spare time? Well, it could be anything. It could be something to go for an adventure through the waterfalls and rapers, to an adventure with you. Depends on the mood. Okay. So adventures are always fun. Oh, very awesome. Yes. Well, yes. Adventures are always fun, Matt Brown. You are correct. I'm laughing. Ding, ding, ding. Are we not cute? Now, Zemi, this is... Look, he's laughing at it. He loves it. Holy shit. He pointed at the phone and his eyes lit up like that. And he was like, ha, ha, like that. His child's like... Sammy! Like, I'm not even shitting you here. He's in love with this. This is the most excited. I've seen him for one of these calls. He's legitimately... He's like a primary school kid. He's like he's got butterflies and shit. So, Sammy, if it's all right with you, I will pass your number on to the brown. Oh, no, we'll do Instagram. We'll do it. That's easy. Would you be willing to come up at the end of the year? Yeah, no, no, no. At the very end of the year... And move in. By the sounds of it. Matt Brown. The top three finalists. Oh. Bachelorettes up for their season finale. Sammy, just... I'm definitely there for sure. We'll pay, of course, for everything and you'll get to meet the Brown in person. No, no, no. Of course. Yeah, of course. Wait. That is fucking... Oh, yes! You've got it right! You've got it right! Wow, this is deep. I've been watching you for so long. Oh, we really appreciate it. Really appreciate it. I'm going to get your Instagram off of you via text and then I'll pass you on to the brown and you guys can see. Feel each other. Converse. See if there's something there. He's so excited. Oh, my God! Brown! Brown! Brown! Thank you very much for your time, Sammy. See you in a bit. Matt will be in touch. Bye, Sammy. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He's so excited. Oh, my God, Brown. You're the lucky girlfriend, dude. Hey, girlfriend! There's a heavy girlfriend! Oh, my God. That is a big deal. Dude, you did well there, man. Dude, you were so good. Much better than previously. Previously, you just fucking sit there, looking fucking in! They're only to make the conversation very good. Very, very good. But you tackled that head on and I think you impressed her. Oh, Brown. Brown. She sounded really nice. You guys, you found the one. Thank you, dude. I liked her little cheeky vibe she had. Oh, he's doing that because Boob she has? Oh, wow. Yeah, true. I haven't even seen her yet. Dude, no, she could tell she's the one, right? That's definitely promised. I like that she's from Byron Bay. Girls from Byron Bay are really nice. I think just under Byron Bay. Yeah, like Mullen Bimby. Sorry. Well, they got fucked by the floods. We're going to go and help. Yeah, I know. I hope she's okay. Matt could come down. Come down like a ton of bricks. Bound down. Gallons of fresh water. Oh, it is German. German. And this is a segment where I say something that either sounds German or is German. And these two fucking cunts have to guess whether it was German or gibberish. Whoever guesses the least amount right gets fucking hit by me at the end. The wooden spoon. The German spoon. After today, I'm probably deserving of a hit, because I got to belt you guys. You did. You definitely assaulted us. Yeah, you hurt us badly. Oh my God. Our backs are fucked. Actually, I had to redo some of these, because Matt kept missing the part he was meant to hit. So we ended up being in a lot more pain than usual. Don't do that. Sorry. Why have you got the spoon? Because I hold it. It's just like a feature. It's like nice to swing it. All right, let's get this done. All right. First one. Sammy. Katzenanspoken. Katzenanspoken. I'm going to... Oh, that's bullshit. You say Spuklen. Yeah, I say no German. Yeah, it's not German. That is German. Oh my God. Either of you like to take care of what that means. I want to get naan bread with my Indian. Katzenanspoken. Cut. That beer in half will share it. It means spitted cats. Katze. Okay. Okay. Next. Milch schnell erbrechen. Milch schnell erbrechen. That is not German. That is not German. You're both wrong. That is German. Fuck. That means vomit milk quickly. Vomit milk quickly. Okay. Wow. We're not... Still 0-0. Number three. Flippstisch Biergehalt. Flippstisch Biergehalt. Fuck. He's going to try and convince us that... I reckon it is German. No, that's not German. He's gone German to fuck with our psyches. No, it's not German. He's doing maths. I know him. You got to play the game. It is... Not German. You see? Mr Brown is on the board. Oh, you see? Okay. Mr Brown is on the board. He's fucked hard, then. Go. Krakt Braufschwelle. Krakt Braufschwelle. That's not German. That is German. Fuck. Yeah, hit me. That is not German. Why not all going into the last one? Oh, no. What happens here in the last? We're tired. It's scissors paper rock to choose. If we both have the same ringworm, it's scissors paper rock. Toibschmittel Jagerfest. Toibschmittel Jagerfest. Oh, shut up. That is nonsense. You can't say that. That is not real life. And if that is, that's fucked. It's either I got to say... What are you thinking? No, fuck it. It's German. On... Yeah, unless you put some Irish spin on it. It is not German. Jagerfest I thought would throw you guys. Oh, because that's just fucking shit, baby. Feel bad hitting the birthday boy. I can't do it like Michael. That's madness. It actually hurts quite a lot. It sucks. I sort of want to show you. Maybe go up a forearm for him. I reckon the lower forearm will kill him. You've done so much for me. You paid for lunch. You've got me a girl. I think... That's 70%. Yeah, you'll get like a little... It's like a little sunburn. It's like a sidewoods. Yeah, it's a bit of a bludgeon. All right, next ringworm. Watch this. Sweat. Oh, yuck. Leg squeegee. Do you understand? Next we have the P.O. Unboxing segment where we open the shit. And we got gifts that you guys have sent us. If you want to send us something on the P.O. box, we open everything live. It's 256 Taken 4018 Queensland, Australia. Taken is spelled T-A-I-G-U-M. Let's open one each. I'll shotgun the big one. It says careful on it. What's your birthday, YouTube? Oh, yes. I can see who this one's from. I'll take the Australia post one. This one is from Nicole. Is that the first Bachelor girl? Oh, look. Look at this. She's just sent her Instagram. And she looks lovely, Matt. Looks very friendly. Very friendly indeed. Look at Matt. Look at his face. Browns found the one. Conor zoom in on that face. Look at that. Oh, my God. He's lifted his sunglasses to get a better look. He's interested. He loves her. She's got cute kids. Cute lover. I knew she was the one for you. That's a bit weird, Matt. So just keep your eyes on her. Oh, shit. Oh, no. This is from Nicole. So this will be good. What did Michael open? Well, we've got a new manuscript. What is it? Michael's opened one of the letters. Explain to people. This is the Marty and Michael PO unboxing segment by underscore or by Andrew underscore av underscore spotter. Andrew. Thank you, Andrew. We've gone through and each episode. He's listed what we got. What we got. That is fucking awesome. Episode seven. We got Valium and oxycodone. Oh, he's got what he's listed. Everything we've ever received. Dude, that is. Oh, Andy. That is a fucking gift. Dude, Andy, fucking legend. Thank you so much. That actually helps. Now we can go back and turn some of the fuck shit we got sent to into tiktoks. Simpsons disco stew episode 35. Look at what about. Anthrax and hemorrhoid plushes. I think that was real. Yeah. Three. Remember, it was like fake anthrax. Oh, the fucking soft toys. This is hard. God finally. This is so good. All right. So thank you very much for that, Andrew. That will actually come in handy before you lose that. Michael, that is great. That one. I'll open this one. Okay. I'll keep it here. I don't like this. Viagra episode. Matt's got something. Matt's got something. Yeah. The small package. This scares me. They're gone. Oh, good. Someone in here in a way. What is it, Matt? Is it some sort of biological material? Oh, what's that? Oh, they look like they're nipple clamps. Nipple clamps. They are too. Oh, they are. Kind of a look. Look, they even have the bit where it goes through the nipple piercing. Oh, cool. Nipple clamps. Yeah. I wonder what the other one is. Oh, my. Oh, wow. Stockings. Oh. It's a bit sexy. Birthday stockings. Who did that come from? There's probably more shit in here. Like important stuff that she sent. We've got stockings and nipple clamps. Hang on. We'll get to Nikki. It does. There's no note or explanation. They've just sent us stockings and nipple clamps. Thank you, random person, for sending us stockings and nipple clamps. Now onto the big, we got a big box. Like a medium sized box. And from Nikki. Fan from Germany. And it is full of the fucking coolest, yummiest snacks foods. She's been saying, yeah, she meant to send it a while ago. We have a Christmas decoration that says fully actual on it. Fuck, we have a Christmas ball ball. It says fully actual on it. It does too. Oh, that's so cool. Oh, wait. Here's the Holy Grail. Oh, it's the, she has a new German second. Oh, what have we got? I love yous, but don't fucking mess them up again. That is, she's done like a, she wrote a book. She wrote a book for us. Oh, thank you, Nikki. That's so good. Thank you, Nikki. All right. I would have taken so long, Matt. Thank you. I did treat someone grateful. Thank you, Nikki. Look at this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I mean, thank you. Oh, these are going to be so good. Look, look at that. Look at this. Look at this. Look at this. Oh yeah, true. I'll have one of them. One time break. Oh my God. Wow. This is aさかわいい. That's very good. This is like Kinder surprise chocolate. Like it's got the what chocolate filling. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Have one of these. you. Matt, it's your birthday you're allowed to. That's so good. Nupsper Milch. It's actually a knusper. Oh my god. The crisp in the middle is fucked. I remember that. I remember that when I was a little boy. This would be my dinner. Oh man, what's this one? Orange Zetrone mix. Flüssig gefüllt. Flüssig gefüllt. What the fuck is that? Look at Matt Brown sitting in his egg. Dude, let's try the white chocolate. It's like crispy. White chocolate is for fuck lily, fly lily lily. Oh my god. What is that? The D Weasel is my favourite. Look, a rubber for big mistakes, Matt. You might need to rub some of those dine trees out, hey? No, I'm just joking, mate. Can you pass me some water on the side? Because I'm burning up in here. You're right. The heat is insulated in the little egg behind me. Oh my god. This is the best fucking present we've gotten in a while. Thank you, Nicky. How awesome is our podcast is people watching us eat chocolate. It's ASMR or something. All right. All right, let's move on. We've got to stop this. It's madness. Here is a Deutsche Papier. It's called Lesen. Yeah, what's my Lesen? Deutsche Papier. Here. Lesema. Another one. There you go. Matt, Deutsche Papier. Oh my god. All right, we'll finish these and then that's that. Thank you, Nicky. Thank you, Nicky. We nearly went and scoundrelled them all. That whole tray is gone now. They are incredible. Oh my god. It's kind of a surprise. It's not. Same flavour. That's your new addiction. We ate that like it was a meal. That snack food should not be consumed in such a frenzy. I get these are going to have a hard time with that. Dude, you fucking, you barely chewed on some of those. I want a couple more. This is my last two and that's it. What do we got now, Brown? The prank call. Prank call time. We're going to call the same pub that Rhonda was at as Arnold Fine. And Arnold Fine will be looking for her because she's missing. Okay. Can't seem to find her. That's not good. That's not good for anyone. Here we go. This is just a normal conversation. Fuck. It's just like an Eastern European farmer. Move to Australia. Hello, my name is Arnold Fine. I look for my wife. Her name is Rhonda. She come to your pub maybe 12, 12, 30 and I have not seen her and have from her. I call maybe see you check if Rhonda at as a pub. I'm sorry. You're looking for Rhonda. We haven't had anyone with that name come in today. But she very drunk. She cannot very drunk. She left her house very drunk. She up all night. She's sick. She's sick. My wife is sick. She meant to feed the pig. I come home and the pig starving in the backyard. So I try call her and she answered maybe hour ago, but she very drunk. Say she pop and maybe you look for her. See maybe the pockies. She left. She left the pocky machine. She played. She slapped the machine. Maybe have look for fat blonde lady. Fat blonde curly hair. Yeah, very drunk. Yes. I'll have a look around the gaming room now. If not, I'll keep the phone like on. Okay. Yeah, if she's not here, I'll wait, you know, and I won't be one second. Okay. Thank you very much. Very nice. Okay. My wife, there she go. She expect me man to do dinner. You cannot, you cannot do that to me. I'll fine. I run around all day selling pig and you go to pop a middle day. No, no, no. You write that down. No, no, no. You come home and you cook for your man. No, I sick. My wife is sick. No, no, no. She healthy enough to go to pop. She not healthy enough to make Arnold find my gahattas flash. Make no sense. Fuck. Fuck my wife. My sick wife. Damn bitch wife. Leave me to do cook. I do not cook. I am man. My little Honda. I worry, I worry for her. She knock. I worry. Is still there. Yes, you're fine. Yeah, I'm sure we haven't had anyone come in at the moment with her name on them. Like got curly hair. Um, there's really no one in our poke room at the moment. Fortunately, she is not here. Okay. If you see fat blonde curly hair, Rhonda, can you tell her that Arnold fine. Try call her and he very upset with her. You write that down. Maybe you write it down. I'm very upset and I cannot cook a dinner for the pigs and me and she needs to come home and the cook a dinner. Whether she's sick or not. You write that down. I'll grab your contact phone. I'm just in case we do see her as well. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. One second. I do not know if by heart and make a note. You tell her she come home right now. Arnold fine. Very cross and I are selling peak all day. I sell peak to Butcher and I come home and my wife is drinking at the pub. It's a crazy. Yeah. We'll keep an eye out and we'll give you a call. She has to you understand. I do not cook a dinner. I do not know how to cook a dinner. You understand. Yes. I write now starving. I'm starving to death. You understand. Okay. I will pass that on to you. Okay. I do have to go and do this. I will definitely call you. Okay. Okay. Thank you very much. You've been very helpful. Fucking Rhonda. I find her. You have a good night. Okay. I'll speak soon. Oh, my God. Arnold fine lives. It's real. The number I gave her. She thinks there's a man out there who honestly, she's got it in her head that she has to find Rhonda. That's in her shift too. She's like trying throughout the shift to look in the gaming area more than she normally would. This is what now it sets up. Not an amazing prank call. I know, but this sets it up for the following weeks when Rhonda calls, they'll start remembering who Rhonda is, right? And then it gets crazy, baby. This is the set up like the butcher one. I don't want to get your hopes up, but I have a feeling that... Dude, this is the most happy I've ever been. This is like storyline prank calls again. This is like storyline prank calls. By the way, the number that I gave her was that number from the girl. You spoke to one of them. Michelle. She gave her Michelle's number. Shell, whatever. Michelle, yeah. Sammy. Sammy's number. You didn't give her Sammy. Yeah, I did. I gave her Sammy's number. Oh, no. So please blow that number out, please, Conor. That's my new girlfriend. Oh, look how protective he is. All right, guys. Not our best podcast but hey, you've got to cut us some slack. It's 42 degrees Celsius in here. It's so hot. Anyway, if this video made you laugh or you had a little smile on yourself or something, maybe consider giving a like or a comment right now. It's the end. So, end now so you can do that and make us happy for another week and come back straight at you next week and Michael's parting thoughts, you are forced to be free. I think we are the best. The best. We're the best. You've got to finish it, Matt. Where the best where that best a check best where the best where the Say it where the best where the best best best you have to believe it say it where the best Matt come on hurry the fuck up and say it. It's so hot in here. No you want to go and be with your I was gonna say partner Sammy dude Sammy He didn't even say it But we're the best we'll see you guys next week