 Tis the season for festive football and the best way to watch it, down at your local Green King Sports pub of course, after all, Christmas is the time to catch up with friends old and new, so get the team to your local for refreshing pints, delicious food and live action of every Christmas cracker. Every fixture from TNT, Sky, Amazon is live at Green King Sports. That means water wall action on our huge HD screens. Head to your local Green King and watch every winning goal, toppings, volley and dodgy VAR decision in an atmosphere worth sharing. Download the Green King Sports app and you'll get 10% off drinks every time the sports on telly. Hello, welcome to the 1878 FM podcast, episode 19, the halfway point, even though the games are not the halfway point, but there you go, episode 19. Are you getting emotional at that point? Yeah, that's it. I mean, likewise, I was well enough then as well, when you were saying it's a halfway point. That was just, you know, in my throat. How have we got here already, you know, I mean, I feel emotional too. That's it. It's just the halfway there. It's the trauma. Living on a prayer. That's it. Well, exactly. Exactly. Christmas special, you know, as well. Christmas special. That brings tears to you because obviously the bear for Jesus was a big special moment for you. Exactly. Oh, it's big for them, wasn't it? Yeah. Big for Baz. There you go. Yeah. Big. Big. Can't get on, though. Anything else you want? Just big for you, innit? Just me. Just for you. Just for me. No, that's because you come from a long line of people who own ins. You own it. Yeah. It's a big moment for them, though. They're gator communities as well. Yeah, gator. Yeah, of course. Of course. Bands and all that. Not John Bands. That would have been weird, but just Bands. Really weird, yeah. Yeah, because he's not... I'll be honest, though. I'm not related to him. If there was an opportunity to win some money, John Bands would have probably been there. But fair play to him. Fair play. Why not? You're not related to John Bands. Well, I don't think so. I suppose I couldn't categorically, as well, say that I'm not related to because I don't... I haven't checked. He's missed the big opportunity there, though, when he had his money, maybe, you know, in the height of football. Maybe if he'd bought some properties and rented them out as holiday homes in the future, he could have called them John's Bands. I like that. And who knows where he could have gone. That could have been very much the Airbnb of the day. Yeah, absolutely. Or he could have, like, told stories around the fireplace and he could have done Bands Yarns as well, which would have been nice as well and made them into books. Exactly. He could have told many stories of how he got round the back. He could have. He could have. A bit left, you know, off the left side. But fair play to him. Big John, he's missed an opportunity. I think so. He's missed an opportunity. This would be his time of the year. I mean, there could be some need to work opportunities in John Darns as well, you know, for mending socks as well. I mean, well, you know, you'd be a perfect foot model for that as well. He could even model his own feet with the socks. He's got nice feet. He could model his own feet. Well, he wouldn't model someone else's feet, would he? That would be weird. That would be weird. Because he might have wanted a foot model for it, might he? Would he be the perfect person? I mean, why would he be? Because they're his feet. They're his feet. Okay. No, that keeps the overheads down. He doesn't have to bring in any other kicks to do the model. Just to keep it all. I'm with you, Pat. You're thinking about the property. Keep it all in house. Balance sheet. It is proper margins, isn't it? Of course it does, you know. You know, PSR rules. You've got to be careful nowadays. You wouldn't end up in, you know, QVC in the middle of the night selling England retro tops. No. Because I've seen them do that. Well, listen. He will go where the money is. Fair play to him. No doubt. Fair play, but he has missed the big opportunity, especially just at this time of year. But he's still at the puller at the times of the year. Yeah, I think, I think, John's Barnes. Would work all three years. All six times of his adventure. Especially, of course, in the summertime. Listen. There are Virgin mothers all over the place who need somewhere to have babies at this time of the year. Oh, throughout the year. Any time of the year. I haven't seen that one. I've seen, like, Team Mom. Yeah. I've not seen, like, Virgin Mom. It's a new one. MTV Emission House. It's a new one. Or Dave or whatever channel puts it on. Well, it's a new one. Virgin Mom. Yeah, Seton St. Helens. Hey, who knows? No. It definitely wouldn't be Seton St. Helens. You know, let's not cast any aspersions there. I'm just saying, you know. But, yeah, it could be anywhere. This is a programme that... Would Andy Bush house this? Andy Bush should have a... Well... Two in the bush. No. Two in the bush. Yeah, it's worth one in the... One in the hands. One in the hands, yeah. And maybe it would be if the Virgin Moms maybe it came from the hand. Oh. Well, maybe. I believe he's got access to... I think I try believing Father. No, I was going to say, I believe Andy Bush has got access to multiple donkeys as well. Who knows? He's a man who can find a good donkey. Well, he's got... Doesn't he live close to where they do donkey rides and stuff? To where they do donkey rides. Well, I mean, in so much as he lives near the seaside. Yeah, exactly. So, you know, I think I take your point. Yeah. I would imagine in the same way that Blackpool has donkey rides. Yeah. Southend on C in Essex maybe two is a donkey hotspot. Yeah. A donkey hotspot. I didn't think we'd use that today. It's not like a BT hotspot. It's not like a BT hotspot. I don't know. Or a personal hotspot. I tell you what. Can I just say one thing? I'm so glad this show is scripted. Otherwise, I would have forgotten all this. Yeah. God, thank God you've got it on that prompt. Talking of which? Talking of which? Hang on. Which page are we on? Page three now, Dave. Page three. We've raced through. Sorry. I'm still on the end of two. Right. We've raced through to the bit where Ped says, thank God this is scripted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very meta. It is meta. It's very meta that we did. We didn't even know. We were going to discuss Virgin Moms and the Buses Donkeys. Incredible times. Incredible times. Dave, before we hit record. No, I don't like Christmas. What? Is that the question? No, no, but we will get onto that in a minute because that is my hackles of just going on. You could have maybe spent Christmas in one of John's bands because you have a bit of a leaking roof, don't you? I do have a leaking roof, which is not what I asked for for Christmas. No. It wasn't on my list at any point. But yes, I have. I won't bore you with the whole backstory, but it was something to do with the roofing job that we had done last year, which Clinton worked on. And now, having forked out for the money last year, now I have water dripping into my upstairs bathroom, which is not a good thing. And the problem is that it's unlikely to get fixed this side of Christmas, which means that that's only going to get worse. Yeah. Therefore, meaning that my ceiling is going to be in a worse state come January than it would be if I could get the work done now. So I'm currently fielding quotes from different roofing contractors in the local area and trying to work out what price I should be paying. It's a minefield, isn't it, really? When they come around and they kick the tiles on the roof and they shake their head and they go, I'll tell you what, Gav, because that happens to me. Who knows what the going rate is for a leaky roof? The worst thing is, with that, right, we had our extension on many moons ago. This on the barn? Not on John's barns, no. And the gully in the roof with the extension, the fitted it and all that. And then you notice, like, the leak, obviously, as you've done Dave. And the problem is, because it's up on the roof, upon, as Robson and Jerome once said, you have to take people at, like, face value, don't you? So someone come out, yeah, three hundred and seventy-five. We'll strip it all back, we'll do this, but the Baba paid them to strip it all back. You get off two weeks later, it's leaking, and then you phone them. And, like, you know, mum must be blocked or something. And it takes you to a couple of goals with different roofers till you get it. And then a proper one comes and goes, what have they done? And that's the worst is when someone comes out and goes, why have they done it that way? And you're like, mate, I am not a roofer. You come out to fix it. You give me an explanation and done it and went, that's my involvement in this, this thing. It's not as if I said, like, get up there, do this. Do you know what I mean? You've no idea, have you? You've no idea. And the thing is, you have to just do your research and get a few different people around. Because one person will say, ah, you don't want to do it that way. You want to do it this way. And then the next one will kind of go, oh, well, I don't do it that way. I do it the other way. The way that that other fellow said that he wouldn't do it. You know, and so at the end of the day, you've just got to try and take a majority view point, I suppose, and just kind of go, right, well, I've seen all these people and these are my findings. And now I've decided to do this. But at the moment, I'm kind of in the batting blind stage, which is fun as the league continues and time runs out and ho, ho, ho, it's Christmas time. The most wonderful time of the year. Mm-hmm. And Santa will slip on that roof. You've got to be thinking about Santa. Well, I mean, the only thing is flat roofs are good for landing slays. Oh, of course. That's good. Especially when it's a terrace, you see, because you get a decent, you know. You've got six houses up there to hit. Yeah. Well, that's good. You've got a bit of a runway. Yeah. So that's good. That's all right. That's good, you're thinking of Santa. Again, emotional. I know. It is. It's that time of the year, Dave. Well, come back on to Christmas and your love of it, which is coming through to me and Pad in the studio. I can feel it very much. Elton John, I can feel it. Well, I can feel Dave's love coming through and I can hear Ned battling with an AI at the moment on the other side of the wall. But hey, you know, more will be revealed about that as well. Dave, since we last did this podcast, Heaven of One Again and of Drew. Had a draw. Had a draw. Had a draw. And someone decided to have a few pens, which we weren't great at, but it will come on to the latter in a minute. But first of all, barely away last week, I mean, you were talking about, can we just, can we get past that, get the result? A game where we're probably expected to win, but it was a tricky one. Everton, when had done the job, didn't he professionally? They did. They did. I mean, I was worried that they were, we said this, didn't we, before, you know, I was worried that they might have slipped up there. You know, obviously having had the big results, which were not shocks, but, but more unexpected for everybody in the likes of Newcastle and Chelsea. And then you kind of thought they're going to go to turf more and they'll get turned over one nil or something like that. But it didn't happen. It was a very professional performance and a very professional result. And, and our, our smiles continued, or at least they did a little while. But yeah, you know, it's, it's the things are still in a pretty positive state, I would say. This was always going to happen in terms of injuries and stuff, wasn't it? I guess. I guess. We all talked about how many games in December it would be impaired. We obviously pick, I think we have five out of the weekend and then we also lost Abdelhaid Decora, you're half-timing that barely game. It's meant going to Fulham, yes, against Fulham in the Cup. We had, it's just a kind of guy who backed him and we had obviously brand-wide back. But it is just catching up with us just a little bit due to the volume of games and all things in the squad. I think it's, I think it's, I think it's catching up with us a lot rather than a little bit. But I think they've dealt with it, they've dealt with it so far quite well. Yeah. You know, on Saturday, I thought we dealt with it brilliantly. We had it, you know, we changed the formation and that might be something that we look at more often. In fact, I think we should have played it on Tuesday night if I'm honest. And I think we should play it again on Saturday because it does give us the ability to have either two forwards on the pitch or two playing behind the centre forward. What do you, sorry to interrupt, would you go with Brand-Thwaiting, sorry, with Godfrey and instead of Keynes with the pace or do you think Michael Keynan with Tarkovsky and Brand-Thwaiting? No, I don't know. It depends who you're playing against, I think. It's not like our back line massively relies on pace anyway when it's a four. So I don't know why we'd need it, although we did see little moments in the game where they got down the side of Tarkovsky a couple of times. So you could say that, but I do think that's a good tactic if we have got the Corey out. And this was always going to be one of those things we said that before the season, didn't we? It's like, you look at the size of the squad, it was always very risky, but I thought certainly on Saturday we patched up really well and everybody is fighting the same fight, obviously, which is fantastic, everyone's pulling in the same direction. The only issue is is when sometimes you look at it and you say, well, what if we want to play four at the back and then we want to move maybe Jack Harrison inside? You're going to need Ashley Young. And they're the ones, Andy, where you're looking at a player who you need cover, but one of the players you cover is out injured as well. So, yeah, it's been bullish. You know, we were talking a few weeks ago after the Forrest game, and I was meeting Dave with someone, you know, seven or eight points from the whole of December. So, to get nine so far, and that don't get me wrong, I'd be disappointed not to get any more now that we've got them. But certainly that was the target. I would love to get, I'd love to be like 18 and getting, sorry, 19 and getting 20 would be unbelievable by the end of the year. That would be an unbelievable, you know. Up to 20. Up to 20, yeah, I'm saying if we could get... I'm thinking 18 in December. No, sorry, 19, but if we could get 20, that would be unbelievable, I think, in real terms it would be 30. That would be unbelievable, but I think what we've got so far is good and as disappointing as Tuesday night was, ultimately we still fall back or a draw from the game. And I think what it showed was everyone's in the same boat, everyone's equally as tired, everyone's equally's got problems, suspensions and everything else. So, just out of your deal with it, and if you can plug the gaps or change the formation, at this time of year, I think... It goes back to what we were saying as well last week, in so much as ahead of the Burnley game and we're saying, you know, is there a must-win? In other words, it would have been, obviously, is it still a must-win after the Chelsea Newcastle results? Yeah. We're saying, you know, we need to do it while we can do it, while we've got those key players because we will get injuries, for sure. Everyone's going to get injuries, as you say, Ped. And it's how you cope with these and get them in the bag now and I'm pleased that we did get them at turf more because, you know, we've got a lumpy ride up ahead, in terms of... Spurs on Saturday way is going to be tough. City at home after that is going to be tough. Walls away is no walk in the park. And then, you know, after the Palace game in the Cup, we've got Villa who are flying and then our old friends fool them again. And then I think we've got Tottenham and City again. We have got Tottenham and City again. You're right, back to back. Yeah, but that's it, isn't it? But when, you know, we've looked at the last few fixes and gone, oh, God, he's looked tough and we've got through them. We're going to lose games, of course we're going to lose games. It's just about racking up those points and getting away from the teams for hours. And obviously at the moment, we're seven points away from Luton and obviously their game is called off under really horrible circumstances. But, you know, barely. It's eight points and it's just about keeping those gaps up, isn't it? Yeah, that's all it's about, keeping those, keeping that distance. Yeah, it's actually, it's actually great. It's actually such a good professional performance. And I'm not going to be like, I'm not going to be sort of pulled into the negativity of losing a Carabao Cup game on penalties, really. I just thought both teams on Tuesday looked absolutely like they didn't want to be there. It was a game too far for both of them. And they got the goal, which is obviously the worst thing that could have happened because, you know, their tactics were trying to, you know, shithouse tactics, trying to sit in, trying to roll round, the referee wasn't great. And we've lost it because one of our players has had a brain malfunction at the wrong time. And that's it, isn't it? Ultimately, that's not sitting and going, oh, it's terrible and we're out of the cup here. You want to be in the cup, of course, we would have got Liverpool, big deal. But it's come down to one decision where one of our players has done something stupid, so it should still be positive. Yeah, I was just disappointed with the way we played but both teams, just knew after five minutes, sitting there, it was quiet and the game was not an accident, it was just flat and they were the same, they were crap. You know, when it was two teams, that just looked, I think, evident and put a full on as well. But the players on the pitch give everything. I just think there was just a lack of quality on both sides, really. More due to probably changes and injuries and all that. And a bit of frustrating night early, Dave. Yeah, I agree, I agree. But again, I'd rather that we had that in the caribou cup rather than we had it in what is a crucial run of league games. So, listen, we park it, we move on, it's not the end of the world. Concentrate on the side. And, you know, see where we end up. Going to space, at the bed, obviously, we'll find out later on if the manager's got any options back in terms of Michelinko or a Coleman or something like that. But Dave just started winning one of the last two games, so they're improving. We shouldn't be terrified to go in there because we are playing well and we have got 26 points this season. Forget about the Ducs and we've got 26 in spazer on what, 33 or something, 34. And they started off winning basically every game, didn't they, while we were losing. So, I think everything, probably after the first four or five games, the run of things are probably quite similar or actually everything might have actually done better over that period in space. Dave won their last two, obviously beating Forrest and beating Newcastle quite comfortably before that. He lost the West Arm and he'd had the draw and they had me on a particularly good run. He lost four out there. They had injuries and suspensions getting the players back, but they've got suspensions on Saturday. I don't think we should be afraid of anybody at the moment. I think that's the point, isn't it? I think as we go to these teams, I don't think we should be worried about them. We can't get something there and of course it'll be tough, but we can get something. Yeah, I mean, this is what we said and with the risk of sort of keeping harping on about Chelsea and Newcastle, but that's what those two games told us is the fact that we shouldn't be fearful of anybody. And if the performances are right, things go our way then, as you say, there's no reason why we can't get anything there. I'm just saying it's going to be tough. We know it's going to be tough, but we can get something there. We can get something out of the city as well. Who knows? All we can do is battle and give as good a performance as we possibly can do with the players that we have available, subject to injuries and what we'll be. I think the four games that we've won and we're still on that win and none, of course. We're still on four consecutive away wins. We're still on four Premier League wins on the run. We played a mix as well. We've had a team that was around us in Forrest. We beat them. We then had a team that was doing well in Newcastle and we beat them. We had Chelsea who we'd have been above in the league but around us and we beat them. And then we had a team in the bottom three and we went there and beat them. So we have played a variety of teams in them four games and we kept the clean sheet in everyone and we only conceded the goal against Fulham because it was in it Michael Key and I'm winning. It wasn't like we conceded like a three-four goal so defensively we're doing okay and I think that'll be his message on Saturday. He'll be go, sit in, don't give anything cheap away and we do have, all right, but the loss of the core will be big and we know that he's probably going to be and Martin will be missing for a couple of weeks. It'd be great if he gets back before then. We're just going to have to cope without him for now which is something that we didn't do very well when we lost them for three games last season. Yeah. Yeah, that's all we can do, isn't it? But I think the whole point about the clean sheets is really important. It's not like we've been winning games 5-4 and stuff like that in 4-3 which is great if you're absolutely flying up front. We've not been flying up front for decades. But I think the fact that we've been keeping clean sheets is good and we keep it tight at the back and then see what we can get on the break and, you know, listen, if we could come away from Spurs with a hard 4-0-0 I think we'd be pleased, wouldn't we? Yeah, because I think at this moment it's just about adding to the point, isn't it? Just taking the game dropping key back. It's just about getting going there with the plan and hoping it works and, yeah, the corey, I mean, the thing about we forget about the corey is he scores goals, he's our top goal scorer and that's obviously, that's weird. He doesn't just drive us forward. He actually bloody converts to the end as well which is really important. And that's where Dom, especially needs to step up or if Beto needs to step up and he is. But mostly Dom needs to... Not that he's been... I didn't particularly play well on Tuesday but he needs to start those chances he needs to start pumping them away because there might be somebody else who puts them away and doesn't set pieces them barely way. So you can't always rely on that tactic and that's just where the manager has to look at it and think maybe this is a day I do put Beto in and I leave Dom out because there's another game on Wednesday, isn't it? So those decisions have to be made but we hopefully, hopefully, it may be great to get something, I suppose I'm being in great form but I'm not looking at this game thinking, it's a must win or anything but it just keeps everything ticking over, doesn't it? I think that's exactly what you need this time of year. I'd like to see some more goals from Jack Harrison as well and that's not a criticism by the way because I think he's been playing really well and I think he's made a real difference to our performances of late but as I say he was unlucky actually the other night but I think I'd like to see some more from him. Yeah, definitely. He's capable of it. We know he's capable of goals as well as obviously being contributing and obviously sort of feeding. Yeah, we do. If we were to get something out of space whether that's a win or a draw I think that'd set up the city game nicely as well just confidence going but I think you said something before as well it is. It is. Whatever happens we need to not lose sight of how well we're doing so if a defeat comes then we're ready to go for the next one don't get too darned but listen to it there's no reason why we can't go to space and be organised and dogged and stay in the game West Ham went there and had about 22% possession I think and won the game too one because they got two opportunities that come their way very fortunate both goals but they got them and they put them away excuse me if we get that at the weekend then we have to we absolutely have to take them chances Dave don't we? Yeah and also as we've said before at the moment on that Friday morning when we heard about the points deduction if we thought that at this point now going into Christmas that we would be where we are we'd be absolutely over the moon to be honest with you to have actually got that return from any run of fixtures we'd have been delighted but to have actually got that return from not an easy run of fixtures I'm not saying that they were the hardest fixtures in the world but not an easy run either by any stretch to be there we should be really really happy so yeah heads up you know ho ho ho and on we go I'm in that right that's what it's about is it? drop some lines at this time is that what it's about? sounds very unchristian of you why? just because I expect more from you I expect more stories what story? are we back to John Barnes as Jan? I don't know I don't know where we are we're in the studio just you know just freestyling we've thrown the script away the script's gone now I just wanted that moment where you sat us all down in front of the fireplace and told us one of those stories what like in Johnny Mathis? yeah Johnny Mathis that one I can't hear you singing it you're on solid ground that one we'll be getting YouTube psych if you're not careful I know because I have YouTube listening when did Johnny Mathis get onto the 1878 FM podcast? exactly absolutely let's move away from the script do we throw the script away? it's Christmas let's get rid of the script throw the script away I am a man I am not a number prisoner what a place what a place you won't let me in with the dog they'll let a big balloon chase after weird fellas but they won't let me in with the black lad he basted ok harsh but there you go there you go he doesn't even know what we're talking about no not really dogs in Wales ultimately is what I'm taking out of that you don't know prisoner no ok he had a shelter he was everywhere he said man travelling the world travelling the world in a cat on his shoulder why is that why that's why they call him dick dick witty dick wittington no holes in his no holes in his in his bag but one on his roof absolutely have you ever done this is actually a really good question Dave have you ever done panto no I haven't what is going on I tell you what you offered how I've never ever ever been offered panto some of the people I see in panto how have you not been offered I tell you what I'd bite their arm off at the moment pay the roof yeah I don't know whether there are many theatre impresarios who regularly subscribe to this if there are then effectively take this as a come and get me for next year I'm a celebrity or panto panto more so is that going to be like on the back page of the born and news the born and globe the day viti issues come and get me play to theatre impresarios what's going on the good thing about panto as far as I'm concerned it's good wedge and you don't have to travel to Australia oh yes it is and you don't have to travel to Australia and you don't have to eat testicles largely you don't as far as I'm aware although that showbiz starring Christopher Biggins anyway he's behind you he is behind you that's wrong that's a good panto boy where are we going next willow wonky I got a c and gcc drama as well I think no I think you'd be made for panto maybe we could produce our own because we've got obviously we've got lipper educated ned we've got jack who looks like well jack is always a famous name for and he looks like literally Marco in 1995 so he could be there you've done panto as one of the ugly sisters was he no it was snow white ok fair enough yeah I was only the lead I was only the lead I thought it was supposed to be women playing men's parts looks panto no no I'm just saying so I think we've got a good core group I've read at the boards mate we've got a strong foundation we just need to hire out a good theatre that has got a healthy safety record and we'll go from there I just can't believe you have never been off a panto you need a better agent at the height of your fame you were doing the wall and you were doing a coach trip I mean all the biggies they're big enough to get you a panto job absolutely listen it's never happened you never say never I am available at early 30's you've got a lot of time a lot of panto miles in me that might be the issue though he's between parts he can't play the younger whippersnapper and he can't play the old I don't know his hair still looks good no I'm just saying obviously he can't play a kid's role he could play like buttons though and like no cinders and all I think he'd be a good button I think I could be a poor man as Shane Ritchie yeah or a rich man as Shane Ritchie or just a rich man as Shane Ritchie listen Shane Ritchie is doing alright loves the caravan loves the caravan loves the caravan loves the caravan that's a big thing yeah fair play to you Jay Cartwright of Feastenders fair enough hands everywhere hands everywhere wasn't he in dyad there you go Dave we want Dave in panto we need to start a thing get Dave in panto for next year this is the time to do it isn't it it feels like a bit late now I know almost like an election campaign start a campaign in here get Dave 50 into 2024 we would be your home ground for a panto Dave listen is there pain decent wedge I'll go anywhere sorry is there a local hi wickham is the closest one to me that would be handy readying is close I think you're more of a slough man personally hi wickham is more prestigious than slough on the panto circuit it's high isn't it it's high isn't it listen I would go anywhere for a panto job that's okay that's okay they put you up in hotels travel lodge I mean Aston big place he's at the empire doing panto at the moment I think that much between what Dave's done in his career and Aston Marygold's no we performed on the same stage me and Aston there you go was that like a big weekend it was I remember so remember lamb remember what oh we've lost him we've lost Dave oh we're there hang on sorry I was taking my headphones off to come to him hang on did I just disappear then you just froze said my network connection had gone it's my internet I think yeah it was like a panto you just disappeared you disappeared but without teeth he said Aston should I go in from we performed on the same stage together yeah go on we performed on the same stage together me and Aston Marygold did you know no I had no idea it was oh no you didn't it was back in the lambuna this was at a big weekend radio one big weekend in Aston it could have been swindling or somewhere like that one of the biggings me and Dom who was my folk face and then we had JLS come on to do backing vocals to do to back us for lambuna which was quite a pinnacle moment I think in my musical career if you can call it a musical career and again why have you a panto it's incredible really isn't it okay well that is our campaign get fits into panto get David to the panto Christmas 24 totally available Christmas 24 will literally be Christmas 24 next year won't we there's Dave Bowie Dave Bowie let's get them in let's do the campaign die hard the panto that was it not Christmas we've got some questions anyway of course we have Mark Cotton Dot Slad Dot Slad says best Christmas cracker joke and Yorkshire puddings with your Christmas dinner yes or no I'm going to deal with the second part first yes Yorkshire puddings with every kind of roast dinner for me just anything I mean your Yorkshire puddings make everything better sausage and mash in a Yorkshire pudding instantly better just shout Yorkshire puddings are not we don't have them but I have put a motion forward only two days ago is that for just your house or is that for the whole community so what if I have it everybody has to have it I feel like Dave is in hoffles I feel like you're going for Gator community of the year so everything has to go through the societies you have to have approval so we have lights you can't be the only dark house on the block you have to trim your bushes anyway you can only have one car per household up the drive and all this kind of thing and I feel like that would have to get through the delegation so the motions being put in for Sheila who is head of the local group is she does she run the Facebook group as well I'd imagine you have a Facebook group I'm sure there'll be a I'm not in but you know that's because you've changed, is that why you've just changed your number because Sheila kept sending me I wondered why that was because I'd heard other rumors why you changed your number but I'm actually pleased it was more to do with Sheila than anything else I mean, Ped was saying it could be all sorts of things I feel less worried now yeah, that's what it is but what happens, because I feel like this could be like the COVID inquiry when the old saying up and go we've lost our whatsapps are you going to be similar when they find out you've had Yorkshire puddings on Christmas day but it hasn't been approved and then they go and you're like no, I haven't got any whatsapps change my number my phone dropped off beside of a boat in the North Sea I've got nothing to do with the only fans I've changed my number my phone went in the North Sea off the side of a boat absolutely, only Scrantz only Yorkshire puddings there you go there you go I'm not having Christmas dinner what are you having this year? which stuff then? I'm not getting wrecky what are you having? I'm having a big Costco buffet what did you have last year? Costco buffet is that like a Kerry Keterna prawn ring and stuff? again, that goes back to only fans that's only fans you have a prawn ring out of your hand bit of everything you know, so you don't have to just sit down you can just relax go and help yourself at the buffet that's what we do because otherwise my mum's slaving over the no, we're not we have each of you you have the chefs in though, don't you? the chefs my mum and then me and my mistress do the other stuff go and go and go and Jamie and Andre Goldman has to do something he's got plenty of time on his hands best Christmas cracker deal best Christmas cracker deal? I don't know I'm going to pass on that one you'd have to see it that's the point of Christmas cracker deals that's what you don't remember them the year after actually there was one it was sort of billed as a Christmas cracker joke that I saw yesterday that Vernon Kay put on Instagram it was a scene from Kes and you got the two lads there and you know what, shall I find it otherwise I'm going to just hold two seconds I'm going to find it now because if you're going to deliver something which is really off script why not deliver it in the right way so that you get the full impact so why are you looking for that Mark's wish was a Merry Gold at Christmas and that's the Merry Gold Christmas so Merry Christmas Mark I hope you and your family have a full year how did the ornaments get addicted to Christmas I don't know how did the ornaments get addicted to Christmas he was hooked on trees his whole life there you go very good what would you call an elf who just won the lottery I don't know what would you call an elf that just won the lottery wealthy that's not bad that's not bad so and it says and obviously it's got two speech bubbles with the two lads and it says can kestrels fly at night and then the little lad goes all kestrels maneuver in the dark not bad I mean it's very much based on the 80s 80s Merseyside music scene when I was cash out in the 60s so they've gone for the fair enough making an old joke but a good one kestrels maneuver in the dark is a good one it's a good one it's a good one apart from Kezu of course that's the end I've ruined it for everyone spoiler alert and Josh says Waste Christmas presents ever and best Christmas presents ever Merry Christmas lads the 1878 podcast is my favourite thank you very much Josh Waste Christmas presents ever you threw back at it quite literally see these are really aerodynamic if you just cat them at the right angle I did relate this story to you that you are straight talking enough to just give people a present I've got no issues with that I've done that a few times that was my story what was the reaction to that straight talking I think some sort of went well and others were like fair play no there are no bushes I won't beat around that's been said it has been said you've been a taxi driver for a long time so fair play you've given away what's your best Christmas present you've ever had could be difficult playstation 5, playstation 4, playstation 3 playstation 2 i can care with all of them super nintendo everything kids as a kid it's hard to go that was the best one I ever received just a happy, happy Christmas that's all happy and healthy Christmas Dave, best and worst for you well in many ways best and worst is the same thing because every year I get socks and pants given to me not only for Matalan some people would say are the worst present but then other people would also say you need them I've been doing underwear at any point during the year because obviously they'll normally last me at least a year so that's always a good thing to be telling them inside I suppose the Christmas present that I was most excited about goes back a long, long, long way and I was I don't know maybe 3 or 4 or something and I got one of those Fisher Price car parks but not a new one my mum found it on the dump true story she found it literally somebody had just kind of put it by the bins and so she got it and she realised it just needed a bit of a cleanup and she wrapped it up and it was fantastic and I loved it and it had like a little ramp that went up the side and then the cars would park on the roof of this and I think it had a little lift as well I think possibly a little lift as well as the ramp I think there was a thing but I love this and I thought it was fantastic and there you go cost no money whatsoever and was probably my favourite Christmas present of all time you know they say it's a modern thing but it's been going on for years the cycle of the best kind as long as you get it checked out by Elf and Safety then it's fine there you go full, full full Christmas top I love it Gareth Hughes says are the Lord of the Rings trilogy Christmas films as they have elves in it no they're not they're not what are you talking about he's asking you elves are not Christmasy though they've just been like putting the mix haven't they they are Christmasy they're not Christmasy they've just been manipulated to be Christmasy there's literally a film called Elf it's a Christmas film I mean don't give the bloody plot line of the film away you've already spoiled Kaz I know it's like you know it isn't like bleeding data you know data breaches where once you get past like 30, 40 years you can drop anything goes you just drop Kaz there in 60 years but still okay and Gareth also says the answer is no Gareth but there you go may as well ask the old question is Dai are the kids still? yes it is, let's move on it is we all know it is Mark Kidney says what's your ideal Christmas day and thanks for all the content this year thank you Martin Martin sorry was it? go on Dave what's your ideal Christmas day Dave are you not a big lover of Christmas are you? do you know what I think Christmas is better when you are either a child or you have young children of that age and when I say of that age I mean of that age I enjoy Christmas I'm being careful when I say obviously and then when you've got a soul key teenage 16 year old daughter like I have the magic is not quite the same not quite the same though but there's a lot of work goes into Christmas and I don't take that for granted there's a lot of people all pull together and make it a special day and for that I'm very grateful but I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a little part of me that's always quite pleased when it's done for another year without sounding too humbug but what is my perfect Christmas day I don't know I think Christmas day for everybody is only what you know it to be that makes any sense because other people have different things that they do on Christmas day for me Christmas day is always the same sort of thing we have lunch at about three or four late lunch people normally go around to whatever we're going to be mums this year but we've also been out for Christmas lunch we've been to other family for Christmas lunch normally a kind of one o'clock two o'clock kickoff food comes out about three or three four o'clock and then rolls into the evening and then involves you know just general family mayhem and party games and all that kind of stuff and that's what Christmas day is and if it was anything other than that for me then I suppose it would be weird but each to their own and you know other people do different things at Christmas don't they that sounds good I mean that mine isn't too dissimilar to that to be honest mate we have we'll have a little touch of breakfast but nothing heavy and then we'll have our Christmas dinner lunch whatever you want to call it about yeah three out of three we have the parents around you know after get you know one set of parents day passes to get in the gate of course Sheila Sheila has to sign that off if you want to leave you have to get a stamp you basically you get the little father Christmas stamp on the hand which is you know put the torch on it let them back in Alfred on the gate he let them in well you know he becomes elf for the month of December he's a jolly soul and all of that all of that yeah you know few party games and that kind of thing and just chilled really it's quite nice it's nice to see everyone and it's it's always a bit mad I find Christmas Day as well though because obviously it's quite hectic when your kids are it's like quite hectic and then in the past we've had like 15 in ours for Christmas dinner and you're trying to get everything and there's Pete you know when it's all when you sit down about half nine and everyone's gone you're a bit like you feel knackered especially when the kids 15 pre-approved well now because 8 live within the boundaries of it so it's only ever been set and Sheila's normally okay up to 8 after 8 there's an issue and then how does it work in terms of parking as well for any additional people from outside coming in in terms of sort of Sheila's system I suppose I suppose with regard to the parking no where this is going you can see this coming in a mile off right in terms of Sheila and the parking with all the different cars in I suppose all that comes under the banner of Sheila's wheels wheels yeah but obviously some people like to have a share but also so therefore the car to left the home powdered sugar that's nice mix it together what's that I think so parking's not really an issue Sheila will on occasion issue an extra car space for the day but it does become more complicated then they're not the kind of people you want to mix with if they're not from the area family we're talking but you have to disregard them at some point don't they they start getting to areas of the plate that are outside the realms of the gated community I think it's time to say goodbye to you really yeah you are very black and white aren't you what you're I no fat truth well we know mine isn't going to fat truth because I told you the story of the gully before didn't I so that's mine and Dave's ideal Christmas day so what's yours no no no because you'd be pissing through you know wouldn't it so go on what's your ideal Christmas day get up about half eleven open some pleases go to me mums have something to eat come home there you go lots of detail there drinking of non-alcoholic beverages yeah and that's it it depends if I've got any games I'm not getting any games this year but I might have a little go with jet wash and how do you know you're not because surely you don't know what Father Christmas is got in his sack for you yet there's no good games out there I see I've already played them all okay that's where my priorities lie you have other weird priorities like teaching kids how to play football I have jet wash priorities that I have to sort out I might have a go with jet wash jet wash in my later game that's the greatest game ever and I think it would get Dave into gaming okay I'm not disputing that because I can see the peel there you go it looks like you've had enough if you're checking there's no water I'm just seeing if I can hear any drips fair enough thanks Dave Stuart says what's your least favourite thing yeah this will be you Dave what do you think about Christmas personally I hate turkey so I have beef every Christmas says Stuart it's my least favourite thing the madness I think possibly my least favourite thing about Christmas is the fact that it tends to at times be quite a stressful environment yeah for family and therefore nerves can get frayed and yeah it can just be stressful so I suppose if there is to be a downside in Christmas then maybe that is it in terms of what to eat I think each to their own really I'm not a massive traditionalist really some people like to have beef some people do things like beef wellington and all sorts of stuff now don't they for Christmas dinner and if that's your bag then fine but I will be eating turkey this year because I'm still offered me as of October nice good lad I think it's just the pressure isn't it there's a pressure to enjoy yourself or an pressure to see certain people and I think as the years have gone by with the limitations on all of our time now and it was not really stopping too much about to become harder and harder there was always the classic phrase I will have to meet up over Christmas and you never really do it it sounds good but no one ever really does it I don't think because I just don't think you've got time now and you're tired that's the irony isn't it Christmas is probably the one time when you don't have time to meet up with your friends but you're right everybody says it I tell you what let's meet up over Christmas we never ever do theoretically it sounds great everyone will be happy if we've got time off we want that time to just chill out and again it's that thing of like you get all your presents some people don't of course but if you do or you've got kids you want to see them playing with them and that takes up a lot of your time and I know for as I said a lot of people this year will just be using the time to just chill out because I've outstressed for everyone's lives Josh Alfield says would you rather have hands for feet or feet for hands I thought I'd rather have hands for feet would you? more control hands for feet or feet for hands yeah hands for feet and with you as well because I think hands for feet can only be an improvement in the world of dexterity whereas feet for hands would diminish your general powers did he play for Bayern Munich hands for feet played with hands that do this as well I mean these go play hands that do this yeah that's got a good accent James we've already obviously done the dyad movie says all the best fellas keep up the great work I think that's a good way that was the questions I've got a question for you I can't remember because we probably had this scenario last year but I can't remember how does it work in terms of I mean do I need to put in an official leave form for next week do we take next week off how does it work is that how it works right so there's no podcast next week and then we return back in January yeah yeah yeah because it's a weird one isn't it where it's like everything's next week and then the following week it's all back to normal yeah that's good so this has effectively been our Christmas special then it has I mean that's special if only you were listening as I introduced it but that was fine I wasn't listening he had this bucket in his bathroom as we were doing the intro catching the drops but we hope you get the roof he's got a leaky gutter so that's the truth that he blacks he hasn't got so you can hope the born end or end born or whatever he is it's all good Dave listen have a very very happy and merry Christmas family hope you'll have a lovely a lovely time thank you very much and to both of you as well glad tidings we bring to you and your family yes thank you and yeah have a good one thank you for having me this year and I will see you in January well in 2024 it is the future it's big year for me next year it is 31 40 40 next year big one big one it's good it can be altered it can be altered by the haters absolutely people like Ned but listen to everyone who's watched and listened thank you very much for all taking the time make sure you like, subscribe give it a 5 star review and we will see you all in January have a good Christmas and happy new year see you later