 To really bring this point home, and then I'm going to jump into something else I Want to talk a little bit about a TED talk. There's a TED talk by Kelly McGonigal. It's about 17 minutes long Who's is anybody seen it? How to make stress your friend so for this for for the purpose of this discussion stress and tension are the same Okay, so in this TED talk She she talks she's a health psychologist, and she talks about how throughout her whole career She'd been telling people to get all the stress out of their lives They gotta get the stress out of your life. It's gonna kill you and she came to the realization one day that she had been telling everybody all wrong It was because of this study the study was done over eight years. They studied 30,000 people They asked all the people they have a lot of stress medium stress or little stress their lives And do they think stress is bad for them or good for them? And at the end of the eight years two groups stood out the group that said they had a lot of stress and The stress was bad for them and the group that said they had a lot of stress and the stress was good for them The group that had said the stress was bad for them had the most deaths most illnesses most problems most challenges in their lives The group that said they had the stress was good for them had the most successes The greatest the best health the most gains over the eight years in both cases. They had a lot of stress The only difference was what? Somebody say it Mindset so that she came to the realization that the belief stress was bad for you was the real problem Not the stress itself And then when you change the belief and they actually did studies on their hearts When they changed the beliefs the way the capillaries respond It was completely different when they thought the stress was bad for them They would close up and tighten when they thought the stress was good for them They would open and actually oxytocin which go into the body Causing to relax more causing them to grow causing a whole different response in the heart So stress really isn't the problem. It's that relationship to stress as You become and I was I liken it to building muscles as you become good with tension Which is what builds masculine masculinity which which builds your attractiveness as you become good with tension You start to become more attractive to the world You start to become more powerful of the world who in high school gets all the girls, right? This is do the nerds get the girls Who somebody say it? Jocks right do jocks have a good relationship to tension. Yeah, you have a better on average than the than the nerds, right? How about artists? That's another group that sometimes gets the girls depending on the artist, right? But artists also they're stepping into a lot of it, which is the next piece I'm going to talk about if I if I have time here is the vulnerability piece when you're good with tension and you add this little bit of vulnerability This ability to feel emotions and relate and I'm not talking about like I'm not talking about fake Feel emotions through routines and stuff, but actually feel people's emotions It changes everything, but if you start to feel emotions without the tension piece. It doesn't work you become needy and insecure You see it's like it's just like a think of a hose The hose itself is the tension inside the hose is the water It's the emotion so as I start to feel tension with you and I relax I start to feel more emotion inside that tension. It's the conduit for me to you to connect and You can actually build this skill. I can just start connecting to you and dropping in and feeling you more and more relaxing with you Can you feel that difference? Can you feel it? So it changes everything It's actual skill that you can practice and it's who you're being before you say a word It's who you're being before you go out there and start figuring out what to say It's it comes from your core inside. It's before you even move a muscle And when you change your beingness then the words don't matter that much A hi to somebody who's nervous and insecure. Hi, how are you? Feels like this. How are you doing? Nice to meet you Something like that. There's a million variations of it But when you drop down and relax and say hi, it has a whole different effect on the people around you This is why you're never going to find the right words if you haven't worked on your nervous system You're never going to find the right things to say It's just not going to happen Because until you change who you're being at a core level deep down inside You can say all the perfect things just like the guy like your buddy who's like great with women and it's still not going to work This applies to sales this applies to Building a business and training employees because there's a masculine and feminine everything if I'm if I'm the salesman most likely The person I'm selling to is going to be the feminine and we're going to go into a dance If I'm the CEO of a company my employees are going to be the feminine. We're going to go into a dance So this changes every part of your life. This is for me. It's changed my health because I was extremely sick It's changed my income because my I was I grew up in a very poor family It's changed my relationship to women It's changed the way I view women because I had a lot of anger and bitterness towards women for years And now I just think women are fucking amazing And the women that show up in my life are amazing They're awesome giving people because I've shifted that whole reality in this area