 I'm not gonna swear. I'm not gonna swear because people don't like that anymore. Hello everyone, welcome to episode number 28 of The Mighty Michael, fully actual podcast. We're in Matt's house, aren't we? We just got the place clean and Mark just threw his oranges on the floor. Yeah, we got a house inspection coming soon. What, when is it? Tomorrow? Tomorrow. Tomorrow. That's scary. And so we had to clean the shit out of the house because the house is a bit fucked from all the fucking mischief we get up to, man. I've got to stop swearing in the first five minutes. I've been saying this for two seasons. For two seasons, Matt. But we've somehow gotten through, but now they're onto us. So tempting to swear right now. As you guys know, we have to censor the YouTube podcast a little bit so we don't get age-restricted. But the uncensored audio is on Spotify. But we got a jam-packed episode for you today. We got a guest coming soon and Matt has no idea who it is. That's why we wanted to start so late. You thought that we were just mucking around in there? No, we've been waiting because we know there's a guest coming. And Matt, I can tell you it's a girl. Family member too. Well, it's not my sister because she's an Adelaide. She's filming a film. And it's not my mum because she would have told me. It's a female. Anyway, I've just been texting them. But they're not here for another 30 minutes. So let's get through most of this stuff first. How good was last week's episode, man? Holy shit, we fully pranked that guy and made it think that Matt can't walk. That's so funny, everyone. We got Matt vs Michael. We got Tinder Adventures. We got fucking, fucking, fucking, man, hey? No, I'll be out. I'm so far behind. Can I say something? We have recently obtained Worm's Armageddon number two. It's in, we've been playing it the last couple of days. It's so fucking fun. This is the one where you were number nine in the world? Yeah, that's correct. You guys probably haven't heard that. We played on Twitch on Fridays usually. And look, a lot of people don't like to watch it. And I get it. It's very niche. It's very niche. But yeah, it's a fucking, it's a fun game. It's like chess kind of. And there you go. If you want to watch it, go to our Twitch buddy, Michael. Sorry. Also, Bozy's still going strong. He's, I think it's his medication. I Googled his medication. And there was all these reviews saying that, oh, the vet only gave my dog a few days to live. And now that was a year and a half ago. Like crazy shit like that. So I don't want to get my hopes up. It's exciting. But like Bozy's doing pretty damn well. It's going to make sure he keeps taking that medication. It's like some Chinese herbal medication, but it won't stop his cancer from growing, but it will just stop the bleeding of the heart or something. I don't know. Look, it's good though. He's like back to normal nearly. He doesn't even seem like he's sick. And they told me to take him home for palliative care, which is like care for someone right before they die. And now it's two and a half weeks later. Yeah, isn't that wild? He's a good boy. Well done, Bozy. He's such a good boy. So really good news there. And let's get into these bloody... What's been going on, actually? Matt, have you got any stickers or fucked work stories? You want to scream at everyone? I don't have any bad work stories. You always come home with terrible work stories about, hey, you hate this person and that cunt's a fuckwit. I doubt that. And you just want to fucking punch everyone in the back of their head and shit. Don't tell anyone that. And you gun in? I do have some stickers though. Gun into works? Yeah, I'm getting... I'm starting to... Okay, I'm coming around. I think I said to you guys that the post office is like a sticker, like an underground sticker. Magnet. It's a service. And it is incredible how many stickers I've actually got there. But so when I was picking up PO Box today, I scored some fucking gems. So you just go to the PO, to the post office. Yeah, a guy knows me now. I literally walked in and he goes... He's so fast. Two, five, six. Oh, that's me. What do you say? What's his name? I don't know. Asher? Asher Paul? We'll call him Asher for now. But yeah, so I scored these really cool, like smiley face stickers. Oh, from the PO Box? Oh, no, from the post office. We can't let him get PO Box anymore. And then, yeah. So it's so hard to pick which one I wanted to put on the front. But you know, it's always a bit of a... Why don't you put them all on? Yeah, because I didn't want to waste. I need space. So... What are you going to do when that thing's full? I don't know. I might start a big board behind me. But because, you know, everyone's real funny on here. We'll probably do the Jester one. It's a bit of a comedy guy. Put it near the fragile, because it means we're funny, but we're also very fragile. Right, well, I am definitely very fragile. I was top 10 in the world at one time. Smiley face. So yeah, I got a little smiley face, and it keeps a smile on my face. That's so fucked, man. Anyway. Weekends. Single. Weekend was just normal weekend, man. Oh, we met James Webley. Oh, yeah. James, yeah. Yeah, Webb's. Webe? James Webe. James Webe. And man, he's a professional eater. He's a fifth fastest eater in the world. Okay. Number one in Australia. Like he, and it is, it's just unbelievable. And like, it's, he doesn't even, you don't even train. He's just always, he figured out one day that he can just eat huge, insanely large meals. Yeah. He found out by accident that he could eat. He's always been able to eat a lot. And he just did a challenge. And he did it easily. And then he got on the news for it. It's just like some, what a weird hidden talent to have. And that's his full-time job now. Well, try and get him on the podcast cause he had some very interesting stories next time he's in Brazil. But yeah, he's a professional eater. He went to the Echo, won the eating competition there, and then came over to our house and then beat us in an eating competition. He ate double what we ate. He ate a meter long pizza after eating like 20 Dagwood dogs an hour before. Was it 20 Dagwood dogs? In three and a half minutes, he set the record for the Echo. Can you imagine that? Oh. That is horrible. I swear those things sit in like a little chamber for years. Imagine his shits. He should start photographing his shits. Dude, that's what I said. I didn't say photograph. I was like, man, you must have the biggest shits. And then he fucking got up in my face and said, we'll just say shits. We'll just say shits. We're going to calm him down. Yeah. Oh, and he's, oh, he said he'd start a fire. And he said he'd start a fire. And he said he'd start a fire. And he said he'd start a fire. Oh, he said he'd start a fire at the next restaurant. Yeah. Yeah. He was like, bro, like, I don't even like this. Oh. Anyway, let's do some sponsoring. Hey, there are orphans in Africa and they're dying. If you donate $1, you can support a whole village in Africa. You can go to manscape.com and get the best male grooming products of all time. They've got all sorts of balls, shavers, and beard tremors and nose cutters and they're waterproof. So you can have a shower or you can swim in some sewage while you shave your body before you go out on a night trying to get there. There. There. Slop a. Fucking dip it in the. Also for women. Whoa. That was lovely. And use that discount code fully actual 20 for 20% off, man. There you go. Have have have 20% off. Have some free money. Now you can go and buy them and then sell them for full price. And now you're making money. Yeah. Look, this is the story of a girl. It's okay. Darling. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Oh, nice. It's too small for him. You have that on your body. He wants a pat. Is it too hot? Good boy. Darling. Oh, oh, my little, look at this. This is the most beautiful dog. Straighten him out of it. And what is the most beautiful dog? And he's, I found, Luke found some puppy videos of him the other day. Oh, man. I didn't think I had any. That's so cute, man. Is it falling Marty around? It's the most beautiful little puppy. Oh, yeah. Now look at him. Oh, such a good boy. Where's my little darling? I want to see, try and do the highest pitch frequency you can. Take AG1. Are you unhealthy and a bit fat? Well, listen, bitch. Take AG1. It's got 75 vital nutrients and minerals. It's vegan. It's GMO free. It's dairy free. All this crazy shit. And it fully works and makes you feel better. It's just one scoop in a glass. You drink it. They deliver it to your front door. It's a subscription. And holy shit. It actually tastes good. What? And it's actually healthy for you. Your guts feel better immediately. And you have a boost of energy. Go to AG1.com and use that discount. AG1.com slash fully actual. AG1.com slash fully actual. Link in the fucking description and get around it and get your health sorted. Hooray for health, everybody. Hooray for health. Made in New Zealand. Yeah. Hooray for health. It's green. And of course our website where we fucking post. We've got three content creators on there now. Like it's not just us anymore. We're like the fucking losers now. These guys are crazier than we are. Holy dog shit, man. You've seen, bitch. You fucking seen big, big, bulging eyes, bitch. Anyways, a 21 day free trial. Link in the description. Have a look at the content. See if you like it. If you don't, you can just fucking roll it off when you're a fucking brand new website. Check it out, bro. Check it out, bro. It's good. Very good. And boom break. It's Michael. It's Matt first Michael today. Matt first Michael. It's Matt first Michael. It's Matt first Michael today. Yeah. Come, come. Oh, what's up? Come, have fun. Come today. Bottle of karma. And the current score is 1412 to Michael, right? And this is a competition where Matt and Michael face off against each other every week, testing all sorts of skills. Michael, could you check the camera? And whoever wins this competition by the end of the season will win the infamous bottle of mints that separates us men just as it separated itself. The level is going down. The level of the cum bottles going down. Matt's been sipping out of it. I'm not the one who's opened it multiple times and threatened to drink it. It has been on our faces, me and my website. Going down. Yeah. Anyway, let's let's move right along because today's competition. I actually even gave the boys a bit of a heads up. Are you right, Matt? Sorry. I'm just trying to explain the rules. Yeah. We'll wait. Go on. Change them. Anyway, today's for today's Matt first Michael. We will find out who is better at show and tell. All right. So it's just like in primary school. You get up, you do a show and tell and whoever is better at show and tell is the most interesting and the coolest and like the biggest. Oh wow. Factor. They will win. And James is here to help me judge. Because I was a teacher. So I'm ready. You've seen so many show and tells that you can't even fucking breathe underwater. Okay. What are the rules? Because I've got so many ideas here. Paper, scissors, rocks, scissors goes first. What do we get judged on? So you've got a minute. I'm just going to. And I think it should be primary school rules too. So you can't swear. Don't you reckon? Okay. So I'm going to be presenting it to a primary school class. Okay. Holy shit. What year? I think year six because I taught that the most. So let's go year six. Okay. And also are we judged on like how rad the thing is or how like, what, how like, has it got to be rare? Yeah. If you just show us like a pencil. It's like, okay. Just show us your best show and tell. Number one should be like the entertainment level. Like how interesting it is, the speech, how good the speech is. And then we work down from there. You know, like if you make mistakes, if you make mistakes, if you actually make mistakes, if it's like you don't get any better results, then starts taking points of um, and r-ing. Okay. Hang on, but we're year six level isn't it? Is a lot of o-mining iron. Oh I know. Hell yeah. And your six's yeah. Absolutely. Because it's its. You are, but it's not. It's a men pro. It's quite in pro. This isn't like a practice. Do you put a kid down if he was o-mining. Well, I never put kids down because that's mean. Like actually like, like a dog or like put the kid down like, killing all I should have said the right words. Cause this one's improvised that if you're, if you're like an A level student, you wouldn't, um, an arm much, you'd be able to present your information quite well. Okay. You guys need to close your eyes when I bring my, cause I want it to be a reveal. Do you want to go first? And how long do you reckon we give them 30 seconds? Good. Always go second. If you can, my brother, yeah, between 30 seconds and a minute. Cause if they want to give a bit more detail and I'll let you know when you've hit 30 seconds and I'll let you know when you fit a minute. All right, these are the rules. Paper, scissors, rock, ready to get up scissors, paper, rock. Sorry, I wasn't ready scissors, paper, rock. You'll be going first. Do you have any questions about the rules, Matt? Well, I should because you guys change rules all the time. When you go to judging, Marty will go, I know, but I'm going to judge on this. Do you want the last couple? You're doing really well. Last one. Okay. So just relax. You beautiful blonde hair in the extensions plugged in links, your links. Okay, always the tradie socks though. Look how much, how's the, how have they balled up so much? I think that's how they were designed. You wash, no matter how much I wash them, they ball up. Matt's got so knee. Yeah, but it's getting better. So Matt's gone first. Are you bring a, like, where are they going to stand? I guess here, but maybe do you want to sit here? Well, do you need to stand? I think it's depends what your routine is. So maybe I need to get, I need to make sure because you two are judging and, you know, change rules all the time. So I'll have to, I want to get close to you so you get a good. Why don't I sit where you are, Michael? So we can see you both. That's a good idea. And then you're here in the presenting stage. Three, two, one. Go. Go. So many moons ago, I was doing some exercise and basically I hurt my elbow and which is just standard for me these days on exercise. But this was a while ago when I was young and I hurt my elbow. I went in and they said, you've damaged it. They need to give you some steroid injections. Turns out I had a Bacytus and this Bacytus. And if anyone doesn't want a Bacytus, it's like it's it's kind of like in your joint and it balls up into a big, you know, big jump ball in your in your arm. 30 seconds gone. Anyway, so this is my Bacytus. Now you can touch it if you want. Oh, there it is. Shit. Oh, dude, don't don't polly. You can move it like that. Isn't that cool? I don't like that, man. That's so far in there now. Let's see. Show the camera. Get pliers. Let's get loose. Get pliers. The cameras missed out on all that presentation. Just saying. How'd you have Matt turn around and we were all gone? That's one minute and four seconds, Matt. That done? Yeah. No closing. Doesn't it? Yeah, it does go quite fast. I could have presented that better. But I don't realize how fast it is. All right, so Matt's show until I was. I'm not going to give Matt feedback because Michael would use that. So Michael needs to present now. All right, you're being fair. Thank you, James. Fairness. Fairness is key here at Marty and Michael. And that's why James is the best friend. That's why James comes out until he decides not to be nice. Yeah, but which is most is him for me. But sorry, I was thinking about Marty. You've got disco pants on today. Hey, is that what they are? I like them. I saw you warm up. They're pretty comfy. Yeah, you are my pink ones the other day look good on you. Are they yours? Yeah, they're the ones I found for a for a dress up day for Boystrip Mini. We got to do that again this year. The the the fucking dress ups. We're dressing up at Michael's box. Yeah. Yeah, well, that's for the party the second day and golf if you want. I'm going to go to Lowe's and get another outfit for golf because it was fun. Yeah, I might get. Yeah, I might get one too. Yeah, let me know when you go. Yeah, look, you'll be keen to all dress up about it. Something gross and all he hasn't had time to think of something amazing. I don't think so. He's gone to something that he knows he's pretty excited about. He knows it's already there. So he's going to get it. I could even see him. I could see him going around to the side shedding. Oh, it's going to be something. Oh, no, it's going to be something gross. He's going to outdo me. But is it really his? Once again, all right, he's Michael's back. All right, he's telling us not to look. Yeah, don't look. All right, we're not looking, Michael. Don't look, Matt. I can look. Oh, yeah. All right, can I remove my? Should we press start on the stopwatch as soon as we look up, Mark? OK, just let him know when. All right, you ready, Mark? I'm going to count down now. Have you got your finger on? Yeah, ready? Yeah, three, two, one, begin. And what we have here. I wasn't expecting that. Is it an original? Black Sabbath 1970s. You can't talk to him, right? No one said that in the rules. An original 1970s Black Sabbath poster from the 70s. So this is here. We've got Ozzy Osbourne sitting down. This is from the 70s. That's over 50 years old. Is it a photo or is it actually crazy? Beautiful. It's a poster. It's the poster of a photo once. But then let's just call it a painting. That's a painting. It's a cool painting. OK, what else? Thirty seconds. I also have two things. A fucking chain gun, Nerf gun, which is just fucking cool. Does it work? Spins around. Look, don't worry, you're safe. I didn't load it because school safety at our school. And that's that spitting on Michael's 70s picture twice was horrific to watch. You got Tony I owe me and that's not cool. Why didn't you talk? Why didn't you talk about the ghost in the in the photo? I forgot. The cookie got too hard in my head. So then I just thought it was a ghost story with it. Now, remember, if this is judging like as you would as like at a school with a presentation, yeah, pretty sure a good kid doesn't arm an R and a really good kid doesn't spit on the other kid's project when he doesn't tell the judges how to do their job, right? He would be striking the principles off it. You would get back to spending a suck up to the teachers. You fucking know. You also said probably fucking twice in your presentation. OK, well, that's for the teacher. I'll let you go. My excuse is I'm pretty upset that my mates just spat on my family. He's not even a friend at my school if he does that. So, yeah, that's a really important post that lucky. It's framed or I'd be in big trouble. It's just covered in salt. Oh, oh, oh, don't play with it, man. Sorry, cut that cut that. Yuck, man. Anyway, it's beautiful. Does it smell? No, it's just the idea of you touching your own saliva is very gross. Pin ones came out of that. What? Dude. Dude. That is the thing in the world of that. And it just stands up, calmly stands up and walks to his car and drives off, drives off to the hospital really calmly. Oh, my God. But do you feel like just pinned his cheek to, like, the bottom of the eye or something? Well, this literally has a lot of things to have. Don't pull it all through it. So anyway, there you go. All right. Fuck, that's difficult. Are you going first on me? Yeah, I guess I'll go first. Oh, this will be interesting. So Matt's. I've already made my mind up, by the way. Matt's delivery was good, but, like, very, he projected well, but there was some arming and aring. Correct. And the, you know, his Chantel wall, interesting. It's also, like, kind of fucking disgusting. That fucking weird lump on his fucked elbow. So it's like points for that, too. You caught between, like, oh, cool. And why are you showing me that you? Yeah, somebody pulled that out of the fucking bag. And Michaels was, yeah, definitely, you know, more interesting. It's colorful. It was quite interactive when he aimed it at us. I got a bit scared and a bit like I felt excitement. Yeah. And, you know, the painting, it's kind of, it's kind of shit. So Matt was right to spit on it. Sorry. So fuck, man. It's not for everyone. So, yeah, look, it's fucking close again, boys. Very close. I agree. Man, I hate doing this shit, man. I chose to take out the behavior. I took out Michael's swearing and I took out Matt's speeding. Yeah, they cancel each other out. Because you can't take the fully actual out of the boys. OK. So I appreciated Michael's effort to bring in the things where obviously Matt's is attached to him. However, I liked the way that Matt described his morning, led up to a bit of a like he didn't show us for a little while. He sort of explained it and talked about it. And then he revealed that he knew a lot of information about it, too, which was quite good. Whereas, Michael, you should have known more information about your present. Yeah, that is why I am going to award this week. My personal opinion is to award it to Matt. And that is because kids don't do drugs. Thank you. I now award it to Michael. It's so easy to bribe. All right, well, that's I would have said, look, I was sitting on the fence. I'm sitting on the fence. So James has I'm saying Ty and James saying Matt. So it's Matt this week. Fuck, I can't believe that. It's such a half-assed handshake. But what's the score now? 14, 13 to Michael. 14, 13. So close. It's so exciting. Let me know in the comments if you think mine was better, because I reckon it was. Yeah, OK. And while you're at it, give us a bloody subscribe and a like and a five-star review on Spotify. Please. It keeps us pumping, brother. Keeps the fucking egos hiking. Yeah, it keeps fucking me so in the kitchen, brother. Yeah. Oh, sorry. If I'm not allowed to say that, Conor, just just cut that, I guess. But if I am allowed to say that, then don't cut that. Yeah. Sorry. All right, let's move along. It's time. It's good having you next. For Matt's favorite segment. Matt and Michael just kiss everybody. I swear I know. His nose is just touched and he made a kiss. Sound. All right, everybody. It's time for Matt's Tinder adventures. T-I-N-D-O. We have Matt's Tinder. Matthew Brown is lost control now. These women will lose their soul. Oh, look, Julian's here. Julian's here. He looks like a light. Good to see you, mate. What's happening? He looks like a light with legs. Oh, there he is. Julian's here. You comfy? Julian's here because. Hey, Julian. I'm pretty sure the fucking ticket sales are on right now Yeah, link in the description. Or they're a week away. No, I'm pretty sure it's there. I'm pretty sure it's there. Yeah, that's heavy. That's heavy. So ticket sales should for our finale should be available. Link in the description. We're going to the Judith Wright Center and then we've got a fucking massive bar like 500 meters down the road, not even a section for everyone. Book so we all of us can head there after and get on it with us. Get on it with Matt. Just get Matt fucked up and like grab him and feel him and should I drink heavy this time? It's going to be a firetab. Fucking dog shot him. Fucking dog shot man. No dog shots. No dog shots. But I live here. I might get drunk. Yeah, look, so, you know, come and fucking watch us do this live and then come and have a bloody beer with us after. All right. It's in Brisbane, by the way. Anyway, Matt's Tinder Adventures. This is a segment where we've taken over Matt's Tinder and I use it so that Matt can get golf because he doesn't know how himself. You fucking pig. Links from Zelda, your links. He looked at me when I said that. He looked at me for a bit of his friend. All right, Matt starts the conversation. Daddy wants a little baby girl. And mama wants a man that knows how to hit the spot every time. Doesn't mean we're going to get what we want. Don't you worry. Daddy knows where mommy's spots are, especially when I want to deep up her back hole. Oh, really? How deep? 12 centimetres, and then I hook my fingers in and scratch. Scratch? What kind of animal are you? I'm brown, Matthew Brown, keen for a fuck or what? Well, Matthew Brown, it's been a while, so I'm not desperate. So going to have to pass on that one. Thanks for the offer, though. I open my mouth so wide, my skin splits. My tongue's like circles in the air. You're missing out, baby girl. Daddy knows how to please his daughters. Well, that's weird. Oh, come on, now. You're keen for it. I can smell it on you. And she hasn't replied to that. Did she unmatch? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Literally have no idea, Matt. I haven't double checked on. That's so crazy that you are that, bro. Winchin. All right, she starts this conversation. She's so keen this. Oh, you listen to the first few messages. This blows my mind, OK? Oh, God, here we go. Hey. Hey, how are you doing? I smell like rotting fish. It's so bad. Other than that, I'm great. What's your purpose? Oh, my gosh, that's so hot. My purpose right now is to be filled yourself. You want to be filled? I can fill you if you want. My hot cream is bubbling away in my rectum sack. That sounds so good. So why do you smell like rotting fish? I have a massive aquarium in my laundry. And it used to have like 20 fish in it. They all died because I didn't clean the aquarium for like three months. Cleaned it out yesterday and it was fucked. Oh, wow, that's so gross. You definitely would have stunk. Yeah, the fish was so slimy and green. My mouth is full of steak and plastic bags. When's your birthday and shit? I want to buy you something. So gross. My birthday has already been. It was 13th of June. You don't need to buy me anything, lol. What did you want to buy me? How about you? When's your birthday? Oh, yeah. The steak has undercooked fat and grizzle on it. It's so chewy. And the plastic bags are stuck in between my teeth. I keep swallowing bits of it. I wanted to buy you skin. There's actual human skin you can buy online. It's really cool. They turn into lamps and tablecloths. My birthday is on Friday. Why is there plastic bags in between your teeth? Oh my gosh, that sounds incredibly creepy and gross. That's awesome. What are you doing for your birthday? Happy birthday for Friday, if I forget. Because I was chewing on it, obviously. Oh, no, it sounds gross, but they clean the skin and everything. It's the newest craze. It's going nuts. Instead of animal skin, they use the skin from dead humans to try to stop animal hunting. Oh, yeah, I'm so excited. My friends really want me to try meth, but I'm not sure. I'm a bit nervous. Yeah, I guess I was wondering why you were chewing plastic. Oh, wow. Yep, no, I'll stick to animal skin, lol. But I mean, nice of you to offer. That's awesome to be excited for your birthday. Are you into drugs and taking drugs normally or socially? I just like the texture of plastic bags. Animal skin, that's pretty cruel of you and kind of gross. But OK, I guess you like the fact that animals get slaughtered. No, I don't really do drugs. I mean, I've done like ice and weed before and cracked cocaine once, but never the hard shit like meth. Have you? What's it like? Oh, yeah, sorry. I'm not a can't kill animals type of girl. I like my meat. And if you're going to eat animal meat, you might as well use the rest of the animal for something lol. But human skin, yeah, no, that's not cool to me. Yeah, OK, you do realize that ice and meth are the same thing. Though ice can be pure a form of meth. No, I'm not into drugs at all. Haven't touched anything, including weed. Not my cup of tea. Yeah, eating meat is fine, but killing animals for the skin is messed up. When you just prefer human skin off actual dead people, that way no one gets hurt. Just let me show you, it's not a big deal. The lamps they can make are actually really beautiful. Ice and meth are the same. Lol, why do they have different names then? Doesn't really make sense, does it? Ice is the street slash slang name for crystal methamphetamine. Ice and meth are the same name. Yeah, no, that's really gross to use dead people's skin. I wouldn't kill an animal for skin. For someone who doesn't do drugs, you definitely seem to know a lot about it. They clean the skin and treat it, so it's actually really clean and cool. Plus, you can color it these days. I've got a skin hammock, and it's surprisingly strong and comfy. What's your number? I'll send you a pic. You wouldn't even know it's human skin. I just finished a course as an enrolled nurse, but also my first boyfriend was a druggy, so I learned a bit. But he's also the reason I would never touch drugs. They do skin pillowcases too. It feels like you're laying on someone's chest. And she hasn't replied. Oh, this one's good. This girl knows our friend's mainland and chest. Oh, no. Hello, so do you do silly and stupid stuff like mainland and the others? No, I do more like circus stunts. Once I set myself on fire and jumped off a three-story building, it got deleted from YouTube though. Burn my arms. Well, that doesn't sound like a good time at all. It's actually so crispy and dense. My shoulders are swollen and I've fractured the base of my spine. What's the last thing you learned? Oh, wow, that sounds bad. Last thing I learned, do not do circus stunts or play with fire. Yeah, my mother cries when she sees me. She told me to get out of her house and kept saying it louder and louder. Those fragments of bone chipped off my skull and I can feel them digging into my skin when I move my head from side to side. I'm not sure if you're messing with me or being serious. No, I'm being deadly serious. I have some gnarly injuries from circus stunts. I haven't done them for ages, though, after my last injury. That was like seven years ago. Okay, well, I'm glad you stopped. Have you ever been to the circus? I can call Tommy. He manages the touring circus here in Australia and we can get some free tickets. Not sure my kids would like it. Off the crowd at the circus, the dumb little kids. They would love it. Kids aren't dumb. They literally are dumb. That's why they have to go to school because they don't know anything yet. They believe in center and dumb shit like that. 70-year-olds don't even know about fucking maths and shit. They're so fucking dumb, don't act like they aren't. My seven-year-old is grade two and math and English is at year seven level. She has a scholarship to high school already. You went to school? You went to school and you still do stupid shit? So are you stupid or what? Hopefully you don't have children because speaking like that about kids is just not needed. And I'm sure if you told Maylan and Jess this video, they wouldn't agree either. Yeah, I'm sure they're smart for kids of their age, but compared to adults, kids are so fucking dumb it's not even fair. Stupid little dumb fucks can't even try their dumb ass to laces until they're out of town or some dumb shit. I bet I'm way smarter than your dumb kids. Did she unmatch from that? She hasn't replied, I guess she hasn't. Oh, dude, is there a way to see if she has replied right now? No, it's on the... Oh, actually, maybe, yeah. Oh, that's probably the best one we've had. Dude, that is insane, especially because it's like a friend of a friend. Oh, my God, that is so rough. I wish I could be there at the moment. She's telling them this story. No, she just hasn't replied. Oh, she hasn't unmatched yet, though. Okay, there's still hope. I'm just going to write another message now. It's just saying, dumb exclamation mark. That might go on, Matt. Dumb! Same kids as dumb is so funny. I wonder if she's part of their mum group. Right, I'm just going to do a few sure ones now, okay? Okay. Sling the skulls of dead rodents into my bedroom. Ew, sorry, I'm not into necrophilia. Necrophilia? Yeah, I'm not into that either. I just like fucking with the dead shit around me. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, dude. Oh, shit. Matt's trying to be a bit creative here and a bit playful with this one. He starts with initiate land sequence. I am a robot. I reach out my robot hand and smile. In Latin America, it is greeted with a kiss on the cheek. So I demand a kiss on the cheek from the robot. I lean forwards and obey my master. My robot lips kiss your cheek. They're cold. I lean back and smile. He glanced down and noticed my robot cock is fully erect. Hey, Mr. Brown, how are you? I'm fucking swinging on tree branches. I fucking love hanging out in parks. What's you been? That's good, dude. That's fucking good. What's you been? Swinging on tree branches. What's you been? Well, anyway, that's Matt's Tinder Conversations. As you can see, there's a few fucking going pretty well there and he got another message from another one. So well done, Matt. All right. Let's move right along. Oh, man, that was lovely. That was a fucked up, dude. Dumb kids. The kid one was good, especially because they know mainlander Jess. Yeah, that made it so much better. It's going to be even funny if they're a part of that little social media mums group that Jess runs. Reading that out would be so funny. Yeah, and then he said, he's definitely smiling. Dumb kids. Well, like they are, like they're not, you know. I guess, like, it's probably 100% sure that you would be smiling. Yeah, it's like saying, oh, a kid is short. Yeah, they're just, they're small. They're a bit dumb still. They're not small. They haven't learned everything yet. So compared to adults, they're fucking dumb. So what you said was factual. You just worded it a bit wrong, you know? Yeah, it was just a bit harsh to hear that, you know? I might not get an invite to the wedding now. Very, very. What's up on there? What do we got? You have all the questions and we have all the answers and we've got lots of dances for you. And this is where we answer your questions. If you want to stand to your question, comment on the Muddy Michael Fully on our YouTube channel. We answer the most like questions first. So once you've commented your question, have a scroll through and like the other questions you want to answer, Matt. Because we cut questions for always still catching up. We'll have to have people. Yeah, just remember, guys, we are, if you comment on that, we won't be able to read it for two weeks. Like, does that make, where two weeks? I'll be out of start collecting again. So just don't be like, oh, that didn't answer my question. Just remember where two weeks ahead now. So it's fucking fucked. So I haven't been able to get the, we haven't had people asking a lot of questions because they think we're not, we're not real. We're not real. Yeah. So I've just dug out a few from the vault. Questions from Peter Hunter, two, one, one, three. Michael, how's your wedding planning going? How's your wedding planning going? It's going well. It's probably like two months away now. There's so many things on. Holy fuck. Is it two months away? I think so. Probably. Has it been stressful? Man, luckily Amber does all of it. It's amazing. Lucky man. So you've done nothing. No, well, I had to find my outfit. So you've done nothing. Man, the shoes I bought takes six weeks to make. So you've done nothing. Well, I had to go get the outfit. That was hard. It was two days. What about the seating? The seating? Have you done that? Yeah, I helped that out. I think that's all good. I feel like you just said, yeah, just, you know. Because I was, that took ages for us because you want everyone to sit near someone that like it's going to be a fun night for them. Was it, are you in circle tables or long tables? I think two long ones. Okay. But yeah, it's fucking thanks to Amber. It's going well. You think? Yeah. Well, there's, weddings cost a bit of money. But I imagine spending heaps of money and then having to do heaps. That would be really difficult. Sorry. Sorry. So thank you, Amber. You have all the class. Thank you, Monique, too. You did nearly all of ours. But I did. Organize the suits. Yeah. Next question is from Maddie. You have when will Matt Brown participate in a bong break? At the end of the year. At the end of the year. When will you smoke weed with us? He's told us at the end of the year. If anyone's listening from his work, don't, this is a lie. But he's told us at the end of the year, one day after he's on holidays. You have the, but that's not true if you're from wholesome and everyone else. How cool is that? Would you do meth? This boy's trip. Two grand. Up to two grand. You said 10 grand. You didn't even do K. I think you said K. You didn't even do a fucking cat. I wish you would get around it a bit more, Matt. I just don't want to. No. It's not scary. If you smoke weed. Last like 20 minutes. If you don't do K. You're a pussy. Sorry. Please. We should get that put on a shirt. Can't. If you don't do K. You're a pussy. Well, how much would it take for you to do K. On the next boys trip? A thousand dollars. A thousand dollars? That's like, we get three bags of K. With that much. It's stupid. If you don't do K. If you want the entertainment, you're going to pay the prize. But will you do K. $120 cash. Will you do K. Like all night? Just one bump. Yeah. If you're paying a thousand dollars, you're going to get what you pay for. Well, what about? No. We go 120 dollars. You do it once. And then you'll want to do it for the rest of the night because you realize how fucking good it is. Yeah. Hence my, well, I'm saying a thousand dollars because I know I'll get excited about it. We'll give you 120 and just have to have like a bump. And you're so cheap. Imagine if he and me. Your wedding's going to be cheap. My grand is fucking. That's a lot of money from HGK. We'll pay for the cat. Imagine if he had died immediately. Yeah. Just drops onto the face. No? Just fall. Just straight away. Talk to me. Dead. Oh, dude. That would be so, I feel so bad. Yeah. We're fully prepared. You're going to be doing them. The moment he touches it, he's instantly dead. Everything just stops working in his body at the same time. Everything just freezes instantaneously. So yeah. A thousand dollars. Oh my God. No. But you know why I'm not into it because I've seen two really bad episodes right in front of me. And I didn't tell me. Yeah. But our ball in both. So you guys didn't get to see it because you guys are all on it together. So you did not care. No. It's like, it's not that bad. I don't want it. It looks disgusting. You're not going to die. It's just, you just got to lose control for a second. I saw a little lock. I saw a little lock. He go through it and it was disgusting. Your behavior to him was disgusting. Yeah. But think about how much. He had alcohol with it. You're an idiot. Exactly. If you do too much ket with alcohol. Alcohol and ket? No, no. Okay. If you do ket soba, you will have the best time. That means I don't have that. Just just just ket for the night. No. No. No. Shit. If you don't do alcohol with it. Yeah. We'll probably do that the whole time. Four days. So boring. We won't be doing anything. I really hope one of you overdosed. Oh my God. Just so I proves my point. You can't really. I don't think, I think it's impossible to OD on ket. And we'll prove it to you. What's K-hole? Oh, wow. Thank you. Yeah. I didn't know that. Aram. No, I'm pretty sure ket's safe. I still stand by. I still stand by. I still stand by. I still stand by. I still stand by. I still stand by. I'm pretty sure ket's safe. I still stand by. You're K-hole, but you'll just come back eventually. Look, I reckon no alcohol will start you. You will not stop by the end of the night. I'm not going to do it unless $1,000 appears. That's a lot of money. I know. We might win big at the casino. I don't want you to. I don't want to do it. And then we can just put $1,000. Yeah. I don't want to do it. So you don't want to pay the money. I don't want to do it. So it's not going to happen. It's fine. $500. Oh. To do it once. We've only been talking about it for like five minutes and you've already gone from $120,000 to $500,000. I reckon by the time Boystrip comes, we'll be at $1,000. No. Do some ket now with us. No. How much would it cost first to do ket right now? $1,000. $800. Oh, shit. Would you do ket right now? Kat run. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'm being dream. I'm glad you're at $800 already. Don't do that because we'll lose the audio. Next question is from Edward Hill. Why do you guys always have puree waters? Man, we've reached out to him trying to get a brand deal. I can't stand tap water anymore. It's full of fucked shit. And we just, I don't know. I just really have gotten used to the distilled water. And it's so good. Even though I've been converted. It's so like flavorless that it's just so nice. Once you stick to it and you go back to tap water, it's like chemical. I can't water smells like fucking shit. I won't even have a sip of tap water. It's just too scary. But yeah, it tastes like shit. Sorry. But yeah, definitely get on it. If you want to like. Clean your teeth. Feel better. Forever. Like the movie. All right. Final question from the wonky donkey. If you guys discovered a new sexually transmitted infection, what would you call it? Yes. Cron. KROHN. Cron. Cron. Cron. Cron. Or Crohn's is already a disease. I like Cron. Cron's good. Cron's very good. Thanks, man. Surely there's something called Cron. C-R-O-H-N. Cron. C-R-H-N. O-H-N. You know what we should get Julian to do is watch the fucking website video we filmed with the, with that rape scene at the beginning. Oh, wow. I feel like that's right up his alley. Yeah. Should we have a quick bong break? If you want to. Shit. Is it Jeremy or Jeremiah? Jeremy. Who? Jeremy. Why? What are you talking about? At boxing. Demetri. No. What? There's a guy called Jeremy. I just call him Jez. Jez. Fuck. I think I said Jeremiah today. Did you have a session with him? No, but I just walked past him. Hey, Jeremiah. Oh, my God. That's embarrassing. Is that the bit of Jez-a-Dude? That's such a strange name to say. It's not that, is it? It's just Jez. Yeah. Fuck. That's like a cringe moment. Did you only just realize that now? Yeah. What the fuck? How? Anyway, let's have a quick bong break. Okay. And we're back. And we're back. And we're back. All right. Let's fucking open some of these P.O. Boxes. If you want to send a shit, send it to P.O. We open everything live on the podcast. And sometimes we send real fucked up shit. You can leave the big box the next week. Man, remember that we went through a period where we just get the most insane shit sent into us? Well, that box over there looks pretty insane. Oh, man. I still get scared sometimes opening things. Yeah, I don't like it. We have Matt's tin. There could be anything in there. It could be poison. It could be ants. Or mold spores. Oh, book. We have book. Big book. Do we have a book? Oh, what the fuck? Oh, no. Look, we got the book. Ari gold rules to go rules to rule by the gold standard. Right. Okay. Well, thank you very much. We'll, um, we'll put that straight on the fire. That's a for client. No, I'm kidding. We'll, um, we'll definitely read this tonight. Yeah, yeah. Do you want to, do you want to read it and then give us next week? Give us a book review on it. Michael's going to give us a book review on that book next year. We've got cool pictures. And, um, just let everyone know what he thinks of it. Thank you very much. We've sent that in. What are you pulling out of them? That looks like some sort of bio degradable material. This is from Bulldog and Perf. Oh, what have we got here? Oh, some hair. Oh, some pubic hair. That's a hundred percent pubic hair too. Like you can tell from the thinness of it. All right. Well, cheers Bulldog. Let's add to our pubic hair box because we'll be gluing this to Matt's head on the season finale. All right. Chuck it in, Matt. Oh, how exciting is this boys? It's a feclaner. And please don't get it on me. Oh man. You're just going to have to put your fingers in there and scoop it out. This is fucking difficult to open boys. I don't want to breathe you around. Do you want to do it now? Michael? Or do you want to save it for next week? Oh. Oh, you fucking. I did it. Put a cube on my hand. Sorry about that. Please be snacks. Be careful. Be careful. Man. Looks fragile. It's. We have movies. It's from England. Movies. Tom Green. Tom Green. This is a Michael package. Bottom. Wow. Some old DVDs. What's bottom? So we've got a movie. And a game. We can pop a Blu-ray in and jet back to mine. Matias. That's me. I think it's. Matias. Oh. Shit. Please. Please. Shit. Did we? I'm pretty sure. Oh no. Oh my God. I can't deal with this right now. Are you serious? Yeah. Oh my God. Oh my fucking God. Why? Why? That came from England. Give him the scissors, Matt. So he doesn't get shit all over his fingers. Oh. It spreads in the fucking package. Oh, it's warm. Maybe it's a bite. Oh. Yeah. I don't think you should open it. Oh my God, dude. Is it oil? I know. It's an oil of some kind. Final answer. Does it smell? Have a sniff. The bomb. Chili shit. Oh, the bomb. Hot sauce. Chili does look like an oil. Where? It's chili sauce. That one looks fucked. That's not poo. Trust me. It's just the oil. Okay. It's just really crippling hot sauce. What did you... What's it smell like, Matt? What's it smell like? Thank you, dude. She's a brilliant gift. Thank you very much. Guys, you sent us some gifts here. Thank you. That's some cool shit. Yeah. Just have a lick. Yeah, I'm done. Oh, really? Can you show everyone what it looks like? I'm scared. It's just sauce. It's just a little bit of sauce, man. Bullshit you were. Julien's going to try it. Julien's going to try it. Oh, fuck yeah. Julien, come... Can you sit on that blue fecline? I'll sit at the fecler. Julien's going to... Julien's going to scull it. You heard it here first. It does smell good. It's shown going good in play, brother. Don't spit anyway at this computer's everywhere. It's going to look fucking weird. Yeah, I told you. It doesn't look normal, right? It's just sauce. It's just traveled from England. Be careful it doesn't explode. It used to be it. It used to actually be that sauce. Oh, bro. What does it smell like? Like this. Just because it's not sealed. If it was sealed, that would make me feel so much better. Yeah. You're both lying. It doesn't smell like hot sauce. It smells like salmon. I do remember someone sending it saying that they were going to send us the hottest sauce. Yeah, well this isn't the hottest sauce. This is the hottest one of... Amazon. And Amazon. Yeah, yeah. We helped produce that show. Yeah, it used to be that show. It used to be. It's not sealed. One of the people who would organize the guests on it. I was like the platform itself. His customs opened it. No, it looks sealed. It's just leaked because travel from London. Yeah, sniffed it. Atmospheric pressure in the plane. Poisonous cunt? I don't know. I was pretty pumped for you to take that to see what happens. What if I die? It's like Matt on the fucking ket. What's case scenario? It's shit. Yeah, it's just a bit of poop. They'd send it in because they want... They know we do the spicy stuff. They want it. Yeah. Well, Matt usually does. No, he's got it in his beard. It smells. What do you reckon it is, Matt? Would you rather ket or that? We'll be right back with a prank call, everyone. Matt's going to wipe this shit off his face. Oh, really? It's affecting Matt. Holy shit. So it is a really... It's a hot sauce. Just it from it being on its chin. Yeah. We can hear Matt coughing his guts up from the bathroom now, everyone. And it wasn't even on his mouth. It was just on his chin. Holy shit. Imagine if he was dying right now. Imagine if it was anthrax. We've finally been sent anthrax. Oh, man. Stop saying that. Oh, sorry. I really... Because every time we do it, it's like a call to action. We're asking people to send us anthrax. And one day they will. It's a horrific way to die. Dude, shut up. Are you fucking kidding me? It's probably happening right now to the inside of his head. Well, we'd be fucked, too, because it gets airborne. Oh, my God. So we fully... Dude, we just found out that it's fucking anthrax. Do you want us to call the cops or some shit? An ambulance? Holy shit. All right, look, Matt's done. He's fucking in pain. So we're going to go ahead and do the prank call now. So Matt's in there washing his mouth and he goes, you know, I won't be able to masturbate tonight. And I was like, what do you mean? And he goes, oh, no, I'm just like spitting on my dick. Every time I have something hot on here and I go to masturbate that night, it burns my dick. I said, are you joking? No. He's spitting on my dick. Well said. So is it fully like, are you different now, Matt? Dude, it's 1.5 million scovils. I think a jalapeno is 50,000. So is it like 25 times? Wow. Oh, man, I wish... Yeah, fuck. Imagine if he drank some. Do you want to be dead? Do you want to try be on here and just show the people your pain? At least show the people your pain. Just for 30 seconds, because you look... Just do the prank. I'll just come in. Wow, he's fully fucked. He's getting frustrated. All right, here we go. Call my mum and say we've got a live show coming up. That's good. Why do I get absolutely nervous when I hear you're ready? You'll see your name come up on my phone. No, look, it's nothing bad today, Tracy. How are you? Good. How are you? Yeah, not too bad. Thank you. Have a nice day. I won't take too much of your time. We're just... We're planning the podcast finale. Do you remember last year we snuck you in last year? Well, we're trying to think of something really sort of... I don't know, just something big to happen during the finale, something quite shocking, and we've kind of had a bit of a brainstorming. I don't know if you'd be keen for this, but Julien's already okay with it. He was literally... He didn't want to do it, but he understands it's like for comedy. But we're thinking we... At the very end, we get you on stage and you and Julien kiss like full-on pash for a few seconds. Oh, God. I know it's a bit weird, that one, but we just thought, fuck... Weird. We can pay. We can also... That is really weird. And Julien reckons we could offer... We're even happy to pay for it, because I know it is a bit strange to kiss your son with tongue and lots of tongue. Oh, no! No way. Honestly, we've got a budget of $10,000 to try and do this. You couldn't give me a fucking million dollars. He's quite a handsome young man. And he's actually pretty keen. He was a bit like... He was a bit like... Oh, no. He's a bit like... He's a bit like... He's a bit like... No, no, to begin with, but then he kind of came around to it and honestly, I've been able to wipe the smile of his face since he agreed to it. Oh, stop it. Stop it. Stop it. No, no. We're just only fucking with you, Tracy. This is a prank call. You're on the Mighty and Michael Fully Actual podcast and Julien's sitting right here. Sorry, Mum. So it's a hard blow. You're so terrible. But off-camera... I told you I don't like it. I told you I don't like it when I see your number. No, off-camera. Like, not on the podcast. Would you want to, like, make it? Yeah, just for the boys. Just for us. Oh, my God. God, you're terrible. Just let me touch one tit. Just for you. What about you? What about making out with Matt Brown? Oh, yeah? As you look at your son. Oh, well. Oh, I'd do that for $10. There you go. Matt Brown. Well, thank you for... I'm sorry to waste your time. And thank God, to be honest, you said no because it would have been quite an awkward message. He's like, yeah, yeah, I'll do it. Yep, no worries. No, no, don't pay me. It's fine. You know what? I shouldn't have said yes. I shouldn't have said yes. I shouldn't have mentioned that. Oh, fuck. I probably would have popped a bone. Stop it, stop it. You're too naughty, too naughty. I'm going. All right, Tracy. Thanks for the chat. We'll speak to you soon. Thank you, Tracy. See you. Bye. That's so lovely. What if I have to see it in a while? It's going to be so awkward. It's going to be this built-up sexual tension. Yeah, it has been for years. I'm just going to be thinking it, but no one's going to say anything. And you'll just make a kind contact with out of the corner of your eye and you'll both look and then quickly look away again. Dude, Matt did so much pain. If you didn't hear before, James came running in and was like, Julian, did you touch the fucking sink? That's everywhere. The chimney source is caught in everywhere. Matt's had a long time of pain as well as James has just started with his pain. Just in time to say goodbye to everyone. And remember to like, comment, subscribe, give us a five-star review on Spotify. We love you guys. Don't forget this. The audio version is on Spotify. So go and have a look at that. And goodbye. I love you. We're the best. See you later. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best.