 Pomolive soap your beauty hope and luster cream shampoo for soft glamorous caressable hair bring you our miss Brooke starring Eve Arden. Our miss Brooks teaches English at Madison High. Like many other romantically inclined people she sent the object of her affections Madison's bashful biologist Philip Boynton an unsigned card for Valentine's Day and then she sat down to wait for his reply. It wasn't that his reply was long and coming it just didn't come at all. Knowing Mr. Boynton I wasn't too surprised that he forgot about Valentine's Day but I was determined to change the locale of our next date. For the past six weeks we had spent every Friday afternoon at the zoo. Now I am definitely not anti-animal but I am a school teacher and hence after spending three hours in the monkey house I just can't afford to buy taboo by the court. I was brooding about it in the school cafeteria on Friday when Harriet Conklin walked over. Mind if I sit down with you miss Brooks? Not at all Harriet but don't you usually have lunch with Walter Denton? Yes I do but he's manager of the basketball team you know and he's giving the boys an extra skull practice. Really whose skull are they using today? I hope you're not expecting Mr. Boynton to have lunch with you miss Brooks. He told me he was eating his lunch in the laboratory because he didn't want to leave McDougal alone. Don't tell me that frog is sick again. Not actually sick it's just spring fever or something. It's kind of fun to have lunch without any men around anyway. Don't you think so miss Brooks? Well yes and no. What do you mean yes and no? No. A real woman-to-woman talk in a long time. You know Walter Denton is crazier about me than ever. All I have to do is whistle and he comes running. Really? It's the only way to train them. That's what you want to try with Mr. Boynton. I have but every time I whistle he opens his lunchbox. The tension sometimes his dog-like affection and constant worship becomes absolutely clawing. Well I wish Mr. Boynton would claw me once in a while. By the way Harriet when Walter takes you out on a date where do you usually go? Oh all sorts of places miss Brooks. A drive in the country or a long walk in the park or sometimes we go to a movie and hold hands. Do you ever go to the zoo? The zoo? Gosh no. Except when Mr. Boynton takes us there for his monthly lecture. That's where I've got an edge on you kids I hear it every week. But Mr. Boynton takes you to the movies once in a while doesn't he? Oh yes as a matter of fact we went last week. Was it romantic? Oh extremely. We stood in the crowd of people behind a velvet rope for a while and then Usher said there's one down front. Yes. That was the last I saw of Mr. Boynton for three hours. Finally got a seat in the balcony. Golly that's a shame miss Brooks. You couldn't hold hands at all could you? Not even with the long gloves I was wearing. But about those Fridays in the monkey house Harriet. I'm surprised at you miss Brooks. You don't really let Mr. Boynton take you to the monkey house every week do you? Well I think it's the monkey house. It can't be the Taj Mahal with all those bananas. Madison High's Ferris. May I join this charming bevy of polkertude? Why Walder what a lovely speech. Yes you are a delightful child Walder but if you'll excuse me miss Brooks I'd like to get my entree at the steam table. Oh can I be of service fair Harriet? I'll gladly fetch what you want. No thank you but if you'll sit up nicely when I return I'll pat you on the head. Arf. Arf. No thanks Harriet just bring back a roast beef bone and a can of strong heart. Okay Harriet. You know I think it's wonderful the way you kids get along. You're very fond of Harriet aren't you Walder? Very. A plus which Harriet's the principal's daughter and I'm manager of the basketball team and there are things that I can accomplish quicker if I can get to Mr. Conklin without having to go through regulation channels all the time. What's good about getting to Mr. Conklin so fast? Well I like getting things done fast that need getting done fast. Like New Jersey's for instance. Like New Jersey's what for instance. Not New Jersey's anything. New Jersey's for the basketball team. Oh we need them badly. You do at that. The ones the team wore in their last game looked awfully fuzzy. They didn't wear any in their last game. No one's will come through all right. I'm taking Harriet out on a date tonight and I can bring it up casually when I see Mr. Conklin at his house. I don't like to suggest a career for you Walder but I have a feeling you're gonna kiss an awful lot of babies before you're much older. Oh I could never be a politician. I'm too sincere. But why are we talking about me? You seem to have a problem of your own on your mind Miss Brooks. Is it that obvious Walder? I have been thinking about Mr. Boynton but only in connection with getting him out of the zoo and into my parlor. That shouldn't be too tough. What kind of a web are you spinning? Web? Look Miss Brooks at the risk of feeling like a traitor to a fellow male I'll help you plot Mr. Boynton's overthrow. But frankly I'm kind of hungry right now. Then why don't you eat Walder and we can finish building the bomb after lunch? Oh say there's Mr. LeBlanc the new French teacher. Oh he ought to know plenty about romance. He's a real Frenchman. I'll call him over. Don't you dare Walder. When I'm ready to take my case to the United Nations I'll let you know. Besides I've seen Mr. LeBlanc on dates with Miss Enright lately. So what? Miss Enright goes on dates with anybody. Gosh every time she sees Mr. Boynton she makes goo goo eyes at him. That's not nice Walder Miss Enright's eyes are always that way. I mean it's unethical. Unethical is better than lonesome Miss Brooks. Oh Mr. LeBlanc. Walter please. Yes would you be kind enough to come over here a minute. I'd like to talk to you about something very important. Well you better talk to him Walter because I refuse. I think my coffee along and oh I'll do you Miss Brooks. Fine. How do you Mr. LeBlanc. What what did you want to talk to me about Walter. It isn't important. I'll see you later. Now that's what I call a real subtle maneuver. He's a he's a funny boy no. No. Now now is just you and I Miss Brooks. I'm afraid is just you Mr. LeBlanc. I've got to see Mr. Conklin about something. Mr. Conklin please Miss Brooks. I think Mr. Conklin is a fine principal but do you have to mention him during the lunch period. You've got something there. I guess it can wait a while. It's only a question of giving him my weekly dollar. Are you owe him a weekly dollar for what. It's a long and grim story but I think I can boil it down to the repulsive essentials. A couple of weeks ago I took an electric heater of his connected it in Mr. Boynton's laboratory on an overloaded circuit and shorted the building started a small fire and ruined the heater. Why you do that. I like sirens. I didn't do it purposely Mr. LeBlanc. It was an accident one for which I'm paying at the rate of a dollar a week and today's dollar day at Madison. Well that is too bad Miss Brooks but it is not money that causes you to look the way you do today. Is there a sign on my forehead. How do I look today. Well there are only two things that can make a woman have the look you have on your face. One is an affair of the heart. The other is the meatballs in this cafeteria. But but neither of them is incurable. I'm sure you haven't eaten those meatballs lately. Look it's nice of you to try and cheer me up Mr. LeBlanc. Please call me Paul and I'm not trying to cheer you up. I'm trying to help you. First of all tell me this. Did you receive any messages on Valentine Day. Oh scared. I got one from Zimmerman's Bakery. One from the finance company. A lovely little card from Bertie's Bicycle Shop. In the shape of a pump that one was. Oh yes a dandy little poem from Sam our neighborhood scissor sharpener. I think I remember that one. It went. I've applied my grindstone to shears both old and new but I never met a scissors one half as sharp as you. Wasn't that a peachy sentiment for Valentine's Day. You're quite amusing yes but not to you I'm afraid. Because you're not in love with Sam the scissor of Bertie the bicycle. No my problem is boy in the biology. Miss Brooks since we have taken me into your confidence I would like to make a suggestion. You must play. How do you say in this country. You must play difficult to acquire difficult to acquire. Oh you mean hard to get. Now tell me tell me the truth when Mr. Boynton asked you for an engagement. Do you ever say no. Well no but it isn't just because of Mr. Boynton. I'd hate to disappoint four hundred monkeys. I haven't gone out with him much lately at all because he do not ask you. Well I like that I am glad. Miss Brooks there's one way to get a man interested that never fails. You must make him jealous. Try that Mr. Leblanche but he just doesn't jealous very easily. Yes but you've tried it only once. That is not enough. How do the big American advertisements work. A repetition over and over the same thing. What is it you hear on the radio all the time. Smoke. If you repeat this often enough you know what happens. Jack gets pretty burned up. I'm afraid Mr. Boynton is too wrapped up in a frog to pay any attention to me. Oh but of course I forget Mr. Lefrog. You know in France we have a proverb. Le chemin au coeur d'homme et par son gris nail. Translation. The way to a man's heart is to a frog. Very touching but I don't see what it has to do. It's so simple really. Here you have a man with his little pet. Mr. Lefrog. And here you have a woman with her pet. Mademoiselle Lefrog. Now we convince the man that Mr. Lefrog is lonesome. And where can his poor little frog find companionship. With mademoiselle Lefrog. And when the two little frogs are together where are the man and the woman. Pricing junior beds for tadpoles. No. No miss books. No the man and the woman are also together. Now you know miss books what you have to do to get Mr. Boynston to be a bat to your dog. No. Yes. I've got to build a better frog trap. Look Mr. Lefrog Leblanc. This idea is a little bit. I'm coming Miss Brooks. Oh you look better already. Hello Walter. Miss Leblanc is quite an idea man. We were just discussing a really fantastic scheme. Not only fantastic but ridiculous and absurd. Walter. Yes Miss Brooks. Run down to Peterson's pet shop and get me a female frog. Starring Eve Arden will continue in just a moment but first here is Vern Smith. The makers of palm olive soap are giving away one hundred thousand dollars in prizes. First prize forty nine thousand dollars plus over forty nine hundred other cash prizes in the big forty nine gold rush contest. Hundreds will strike it rich in its exciting gold rush contest. One of them may be you. It's easy to enter. Just finish this sentence and twenty five additional words or less. I like palm olive soap because that's all just twenty five words or less to finish the sentence. I like palm olive soap because then mail your entry right away along with a palm olive soap rapper. Try for your share of that one hundred thousand dollars in prizes right now. Your chance of winning forty nine thousand dollars is as good as anyone. Get entry blank with complete rules from your dealer or write your completed sentence on plain paper. Include your name and address and dealer's name in the dress. Mail with one palm olive soap rapper for each entry to gold rush contest box forty nine new york eight new york. Better write that down. Gold rush contest box forty nine new york eight new york. Enter as often as you like including one rapper with each entry. Get palm olive soap right away to help win a lovelier complexion and try for your share of the one hundred thousand dollars in cash prizes. Well I gave Walter my last dollar to buy a female frog and while he was out getting it I took advantage of a free period to visit Mr. Boynton in his laboratory. Hello Mr. Boynton. Hello Miss Brooks. I just dropped in to say hello Mr. Boynton. Hello. Well goodbye Mr. Boynton. Oh don't go yet I've just been examining McDougal you know my frog he's got me a little worried he's way off his feet and we'll look at him. Don't you think his eyes pop out more than usual? Yeah. Hi Mac. Mac don't you? Oh no Miss. Spring and it's just after all you raised him from a tadpole and it's only natural that you should still think of him as your baby but he's a big boy now. This Mr. Boynton did it ever occur to you that Mac gets lonesome all alone in that cage? Well I let him at the cage quite often he hops all over the lab. But what good is that he has got any friends here? I don't know there are always a number of guinea pigs around of course he doesn't pay much attention to them. Well naturally guinea pigs make fine friends for other guinea pigs. A frog might crave a different kind of companionship. What about me I'm very close to McDougal. I'm his constant companion. If I were a frog I don't think I'd consider that the ideal arrangement either. Now I think I'd want something a little more frog like. Just what are you getting at Brooks? Look did you ever sit down and tell McDougal about the birds and bees? What does he want with birds and bees? He won't even make friends with guinea pigs. Well let me put it this way. Mrs. Davis my landlady has a cat named Minerva. Now around this time of the year Minerva keeps us both awake half the night with an almost incessant yowling. Well have you tried giving her a saucer of milk? That's not what she's yowling about Mr. Boynton. Yes I know and believe me if I thought it would quiet her down I'd give her an autographed picture of Elsie the cow but it won't. She's yowling because she's lonely. Well Ms. Brooks I didn't know you were so aware of these biological manifestations where did you learn all this? My mama done told me. Since I've acquired my pet frog, pet female frog that is. You have a pet frog Ms. Brooks what's her name? Her name? Uh Millie. Millie? Yes from the from the picture the mating of Millie. She's awfully cute too. You think Mac almost understood what you were talking about? Well don't think for a minute he doesn't. What do you say Mac would you like to come over and play with Millie this afternoon? Today you are a man frog. This is amazing Ms. Brooks. You don't mind I'd like to ask you if uh shine up your hope chest Millie here it comes. I'd like to ask you Ms. Brooks how about a double date that is if you if it isn't too much trouble? Shall we say my place for tea? Splendid. Just bring a pogo stick and a deck of cards Mr. Boynham. A pogo stick and cards? Yes while Mac and Millie play gin you and I can have a hopping contest. Excuse me could you come over here to the door a minute Ms. Brooks I've got to get to my next class. Oh certainly Walter I'll just be a minute Mr. Boynham. Did you get it Walter? Yes it's in this paper bag Ms. Brooks. Here thanks. That's okay I hope it works Ms. Brooks well I'll see you in English. What's in the bag Ms. Brooks? This bag? Oh just a roast beef sandwich Walter brought me. Well it's a pretty active one. Look out it's falling out of the bag. Here let me see that. Now I've got him. Oh Ms. Brooks do you realize what you've got here? Sure an FROG. I didn't want to mention it in front of Mac until we got home. But this is a male frog you can always tell because in the species demorphic Nathus from West Africa there's a very apparent demorphism in the dentition. The males being provided with a series of large serrated teeth in the lower jaw which in the female is identialous. Well slap me with a wet lily pad. Excuse me Mr. Boynham I've got to be running along now. Why Ms. Brooks? I've got to see a boy about a frog. Here I'll put it back in the bag for you. Now just hold the top tighter and he won't get away again. I still don't comprehend why you got this male frog. Well I didn't know how you and McDougal would react to the idea of keeping Millie company so I thought I'd play safe and get this one too. I don't think Mac likes the idea very much. Don't be jealous Mac. Let him live his own life. We better not come over this afternoon Ms. Brooks I'm afraid it would only confuse Mac. Look Mr. Boynham I don't care if a frog wants to play hard to get but there's something I'd like you to remember. What's that Ms. Brooks? Well I don't want to sound too much like an English teacher but when one plays hard to get too often one sometimes don't get got. I'll just take this frog into my room and see how Walter happened to make such an awful mess. Well there you are Connie I've been looking all over for you. Mrs. Davis what are you doing in the hallowed halls of Madison High? Well I know how you've been waiting for a Valentine card from Mr. Boynton and I just had to tell you that all hope isn't lost. But today is Friday Mrs. Davis. That's just it Connie some mail came this morning that should have been delivered Monday. A Valentine? No a bill from the gas company. Now that's the nicest bit of sentiments in Sam's scissors. They say that if we don't pay it immediately they'll shut off the gas. Just my luck with Mr. Boynton coming over for tea. It couldn't be the electric company promising to shut off all the lights. And I'm short some money or I wouldn't bother you in school like this. You know Minerva costs me a lot lately with her special diet. No. Just how much do you need Mrs. Davis. Well if you'll forgive a slang expression one greenback will do it. I just happened to have one on me. He's in this bag here. Don't look so alarm Mrs. Davis I'm not cracking up completely. Look just take this frog back to Peterson's pet shop and they'll refund my dollar. I'll explain why I bought the frog later. You don't have to explain anything to me Connie. If you want a frog for a pet it's perfectly all right. But why are you giving it back to keep the gas on for one thing. Besides it's a male frog and I've got to have a female. Well you don't have to spend any money for that. I'll get you a female frog in the park. I never thought of that. I'd certainly appreciate it Mrs. Davis. Will you bring it back with you after you paid the gas bill. Certainly Connie and I just know that you'll be very happy together. And so class you were to have these compositions ready by next Tuesday. At the end of the period class dismissed except Walter Denton. Come up to my desk Walter. Oh I'm glad you asked me Mr. Brooks. I wanted to explain about that frog. You see Mr. Peterson was out to lunch when I got to the pet shop so I got you one out of the park pond. But was it all right. I mean was she a girl. No Walter she was a boy with big serrated teeth in her lower jaw. And what about the dollar I gave you. Oh here it is Mr. Brooks. I didn't have time to give it to you before. Thanks Walter that'll be all for now then. I'd better get over to Mr. Conklin's office and make my payment on that heater. Here I am Connie. Hello Walter. Mrs. Davis. Goodbye Mrs. Davis. Well but you think Connie Mr. Peterson didn't sell Walter that frog at all. I know Mrs. Davis but he said it was a very good specimen and traded me a lovely female for him. And instead of giving us any money he promised that when our frog becomes a husband we'll get the pick of the litter. I can hardly wait but where's the female frog. Oh I had that in a paper bag and it seemed very insecure. So I put the frog in a desk across the hall. Nobody saw me across the hall. But that's Mr. Conklin's office. Mrs. Davis you wait right here. And if I'm not back in five minutes call the coroner. Come in. Oh it's you Miss Brooks. Please ransack whatever business you have in this office in a hurry. I've got an appointment with the doctor. The doctor what's the matter Mr. Conklin. Oh just to check up. A lot of nonsense if you ask me. My wife's been telling him all sorts of foolishness about the state of my nerves. To hear her tell it I've not only got the world's highest blood pressure but I'm jumpy, anxious, overwrought. But Mr. Conklin. Don't interrupt. And I'm ill tempered. Now what is it you want. I just want to give you a dollar towards the heater I accidentally injured here. Oh thanks. Sit down for a minute and I'll give you a receipt. I've got a regular Board of Education receipt book around here somewhere. But Mr. Conklin your desk drawer. Please Miss Brooks. Don't tell me where I keep my things. Of course it's in the desk drawer. Let's see now. Book should be right over here next to this blutter. Oh that's funny. Oh here it is over by this frog. Hello little frog. Miss Brooks it won't take a moment to get the receipt. Hello blood pressure. Never mind that. What is this frog. Mr. Conklin ours isn't the only school that's overcrowded. Cool Connie how long did Mr. Conklin spend bowling you off. Oh it seemed like hours but actually it was only a few minutes. You should have been there when Mr. Conklin and Millie here faced each other across his desk drawer. Poor thing her heart hasn't stopped beating yet. Neither is yours Connie. You're as jumpy as Minerva. Are you sure Mr. Boynton said he'd be over for tea. Oh definitely Mrs. Davis. I told him all about how lonely Minerva was and compared her to McDougal. So he's bringing Mack over to meet Millie. It's the first time in weeks we've had a date away from the zoo. Oh that's Mr. Boynton now. I'll go make the tea Connie and you receive him alone. All right Mrs. Davis coming. Well it's nice to see you boys. Come in. Let's go into the living room. Thank you Mrs. Brooks. Here's something for Millie. It's from McDougal. Oh I'll open it for her. Well wasn't that thoughtful of Mack Millie. Just what you needed. A clump of wilted lettuce. Here I'll put it in this little box I keep her in. I guess Mack wants to see what Millie looks like. Oh of course here just hold him up. There we are. This is Mack Millie. I think she likes him. But Miss Brooks didn't you say you had a cat on the premises. That's right Minerva. She usually sleeps in the piano during the day. Here Minerva come out of the piano. Oh well she'll probably wake up in a little while. Sit down Mr. Boynton. Oh before I do don't you want to open this big box. For me? Well what in the world can this be. It's a cat Miss Brooks. I brought him over to keep Minerva company. Two. Just a moment but first three. Luster cream. Tonight show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo. Only luster cream brings UK Dumas magic formula blend of secret ingredients plus gentle lanolin gives loveliness lather even in hardest water glamorizes your hair as you wash it. Luster cream not a soap not a liquid but a dainty cream shampoo leaves hair frequently clean free of loose dandruff. Blistening with sheen soft manageable gives new beauty to all hairdos or permanence four ounce jar one dollar smaller sizes either tubes or jars tonight try luster cream shampoo and be a dream girl dream girl beautiful luster cream girl you owe your crowning glory to a luster cream shampoo. And now once again here is our Miss Brooks. Well Mr. Boynton finally took McDougal and his cat and left. Mrs. Davis and I had dinner and then we sat down in the living room to spend a quiet evening. Minerva went back to sleep and everything was nice and peaceful when the phone rang. Lie down Minerva it's not for you. Hello sorry Minerva it is for you. Next week tune into another Our Miss Brooks show brought to you by Pamela Cope your beauty hope and luster cream shampoo for soft glamorous caressable hair. Our Miss Brooks starring Eve Arden is produced by Larry Burns written and directed by Al Lewis with music by Wilbur Hatch. Here's good shaving news three men out of every four can get more comfortable actually smoother shaves with palm olive brushless shaving cream. This is not just a claim here's the proof twelve hundred ninety seven men tried the palm olive brushless way to shave described on the tube and no matter how they shaved before three men out of every four got more comfortable actually smoother shaves. Try palm olive brushless yourself. See if you don't get more comfortable actually smoother shaves the proved palm olive brushless way or mystery liberally sprinkled with laughs. Listen to Mr. and Mrs. North the exciting fun packed adventures of an amateur detective and his beautiful wife. Tune in Tuesday evenings over most of these stations and be with us again next week at this time for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks. Bob LeMond speaking to the CDS the Columbia Broadcasting System.