 Good afternoon, for those who are new, I'm Dr. Theron Sherman, and in today's briefing we will be discussing SCP-5283. There isn't any objectionable material in this document, so let's begin. Item Number – SCP-5283 Object Class – Safe Special Containment Procedures Due to its nature, SCP-5283 is currently self-contained at Site 37. Description – SCP-5283 is an immovable third-party Nerf N-Strike Elite Universal Suction Dart stuck to the ceiling of Site 37's central cafeteria. Addendum 1 – Removal Attempts Attempt 1 – Researcher Harbour Wilson attempts to pull SCP-5283 from the ceiling. Outcome – Failure – Attempt 2 – A different staff member attempts to pull SCP-5283 from the ceiling. Outcome – Failure – Attempts 3 through 8. Dr. Wilson directs six other staff members to attempt to remove SCP-5283. Outcome – Failure – Attempt 9. Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a knife. Outcome – Failure – Attempt 10. Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a motorized saw. Outcome – Failure – Attempt 11. Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a chainsaw. Outcome – Failure – Attempt 12. Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a portable laser saw. Outcome – Failure – Attempts 13 through 16. Dr. Wilson attempts to remove the entire ceiling tile SCP-5283 is attached to. Footnote – Four separate attempts are made using a knife, motorized saw, chainsaw, and a portable laser saw. Outcome – Failure – Attempt 17. Dr. Wilson attempts to burn SCP-5283 using a lighter. Outcome – Failure – Attempt 18. Dr. Wilson attempts to melt SCP-5283 using a flamethrower. Outcome – Failure – Attempt 19. Dr. Wilson attempts to destroy SCP-5283 using three miniscule detonation charges. Outcome – Failure – Attempts 20 through 23. Dr. Wilson attempts to destroy SCP-5283 with a shotgun. Outcome – Failure – Attempt 24. Dr. Wilson attempts to destabilize the local reality around SCP-5283 to result in its disconnection from the ceiling. Outcome – Failure – Attempt 25. Dr. Wilson prays for SCP-5283's removal. Outcome – Failure – Attempt 26. Dr. Wilson prays for his removal. Outcome – Not applicable – Attempt 27. Dr. Wilson spends approximately 78 minutes shouting at SCP-5283, demanding it fall off of the ceiling. Outcome – Failure – Attempts 28 through Redacted. Dr. Wilson attempts to punch SCP-5283 off of the ceiling. Outcome – Fuck this. Correction – Failure. Further attempts are pending. 2. Senior Researcher Rebecca Larson. From Researcher Harbour Wilson. Subject – The Damn Nerf Dart. I say this in the most respectful way possible. What the hell do you expect me to do about the Nerf Dart? Seriously, I have tried everything. Manpower, blades, saws, fire… No, you do not need to remind me of how big of a failure that was. Detonation charges. I even spent over an hour shouting at the damn thing. No matter what I do, it doesn't budge. Nothing. I feel like I'm going insane. I become a laughingstock here. The guy who can't even move a Nerf Dart. It's degrading. If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them. Because I'm this fucking close to submitting my resignation letter. 2. Researcher Harbour Wilson. From Senior Researcher Rebecca Larson. Subject – Regarding The Damn Nerf Dart. Have you tried asking it nicely? Following this email correspondence, Dr. Wilson was seen walking into Site 37's Central Cafeteria while muttering the phrase, what kind of bullshit idea is that? He then reportedly walked over to SCP-5283 and asked, can you please get off of the ceiling SCP-5283? He was immediately met with the laughter of most nearby staff, much to Wilson's seeming embarrassment. Though it ceased moments later when SCP-5283 seemingly obliged the request, falling from the ceiling. Since its removal, all anomalous effects have ceased, and SCP-5283 has been reclassified as neutralized. Dr. Wilson has since started seeing a foundation therapist. Thank you for listening. Site 42 studios and its staff are funded by viewers like you. Please become a patron or visit our merch store at the link in our bio to support our work. Secure. Contain. Protect.