 Lux presents Hollywood. Lux Radio Theatre presents You Can't Take It With You, with an all-star cast headed by Edward Arnold, Walter Connelly, Faye Ray, Robert Cummings, Neda Harrigan, and Lee Patrick. Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. This is a special occasion for us. Just five years ago this week, the curtain went up for the first time in the Lux Radio Theatre. And one of the most gratifying things to me is our box office report. Unlike most theaters, our box office is not situated in front of the building with one ticket seller. But in every city and town throughout the country, with thousands of ticket sellers, in every store where you buy Lux Toilet Soap, it's your loyal purchase of our product that raises the curtain each week in this theater. And it's all made possible by the exceptional quality of Lux Toilet Soap. Mr. Ruick has a letter on this subject that I think you'd like to hear. It says, dear Mr. DeMille, we are all loyal to you, to the Lux Radio Theatre, and to Lux Toilet Soap. I, for one, purchased Lux Toilet Soap at first as a thank you for the Lux Radio Theatre, so the theater might be continued. But just as you've told us, the quality of the product is so outstanding that I am now writing to tell you that I wouldn't think of doing without my Lux Toilet Soap. It's a grand help for a woman who wants to keep her complexion as attractive as possible, and it certainly makes a grand bath soap. And special thanks to you, Mr. DeMille, for you can't take it with you. I'll be listening in Monday night. And that, Mr. Ruick, brings us to our play. The ancient Greeks had a gift for philosophy, the Romans a gift for government, and just as certainly Americans have always been blessed with a gift for humor. Prophets of gloom have never fared very well in our country. They've always been overshadowed by prophets of laughter, like Moss Hart and George S. Kaufman, who wrote You Can't Take It With You. A Pulitzer Prize play on the Broadway stage, and later a hit motion picture produced by Columbia Pictures Corporation, You Can't Take It With You is a great American comedy. But it's also a love story, for there can be humor and romance, even though the parties concerned are usually too serious to say it. To cast this play, we literally covered the country from Maine to California. Our good friend Edward Arnold was up in San Francisco enjoying a kind of postman's holiday with the Bohemian Club, a group of gentlemen who amused themselves occasionally by putting on a play. But we suggested that it was time to stop entertaining himself and get back to entertaining the public. He's here tonight as banker Kirby, the same role he played in the picture. Miss Faye Ray was in Maine, finishing an engagement on the Straw Hat Circuit. That's the branch of the theatre which blooms in the spring and closes up at the first frost. We reached her by telephone and told her about the part of Alice. And above the noise of shifting scenery, she managed to shout across the continent that she'd take the next train for California. We found Walter Connolly, our choice for Grand Par van der Hoff, solemnly waiting a steak knife in the Paramount Commissary. When we caught his eye from a safe distance, he explained that he was learning to be an orchestra conductor. For the title role in the Gay Days of Victor Herbert. Robert Cummings, one of the most promising young leading men in Hollywood, takes the part of Tony. Nedda Harrigan, in private life, Mrs. Walter Connolly, plays Mrs. Kirby, and lovely Lee Patrick, the role of Penny. Firecrackers, ballet dancers, romance, and income taxes are about to descend upon us. It's curtain time for act one of You Can't Take It With You. Starring Edward Arnold as Mr. Kirby, Walter Connolly as Grandpa van der Hoff, Faye Ray as Alice, and Robert Cummings as Tony. The 57th floor of the Kirby building, tallest and most impressive structure of a great American city. On a door opposite the elevator is a brass plate, bearing the legend, Anthony P. Kirby Company, bankers. And behind seven other doors, marked private, is the inner sanctum of the great Kirby himself. The famous tycoon cannot be disturbed just now. With his son Tony and a small group of associates, he's engaged in the ceremonial dance of modern business, a very important conference. Gentlemen, we're going ahead exactly as planned. Our company will be the largest individual corporation in the world, particularly with Ramsay lined up. Why, we'd control the whole field of production. Exactly, gentlemen. But AP, Ramsay would never permit himself to be absorbed by anybody. Oh, won't he? Earlier this year, Ramsay floated a new issue, didn't he? What for? For expansion, new production facilities, all right? Where's he going to build these new production facilities? I own every 12 square blocks completely surrounding his factories. You own them? We didn't know anything about that AP. Of course you didn't. Nobody knew. The Blakely real estate company's been buying it for me a piece at a time, but my name was kept out of it. That's brilliant, AP. So you see, gentlemen, we can proceed without any trouble. Well, you know what to do. Come on, get busy. We'll hop right through. Oh, Douglas, get me Mr. Blakely on the phone. Yes, sir. Well, Tony, how does it feel to be a vice president? Well, it's been painless enough so far, Dad. You talk as if you were having a tooth yank. Look, Dad, maybe sometime when you've got a week or two off, you can sort of let me in on what the banking business is all about, huh? Oh, now, now, don't give up, Tony. Sure, it's complicated, but oh, you'll get used to it. How's your mother been? Oh, she's fine. Said she'd drop in later. Mr. Blakely's on the phone. Good, good. Hello, Blakely. Hello, AP. How's it going, Blakely? You got that property yet? Well, I'll make them sell those 12 blocks of uselessness unless I can buy every inch. Well, I'm yesterday and they turned it down. I tried to get him in here the day to talk some sense into him, but no, no, you're right. But Mr. Kirby, oh, that man's got ice water in his veins. I tell you, John, we've got to get that property. You can't force a man to sell his home. Well, what'd he say when you offered him the 50,000? I'm not sure, but I think someone began singing, someone else danced, and Grandpa Vanderhoof himself sat down and played a mouth organ. A mouth organ? What are they, a bunch of nuts? Mr. Vanderhoof is here, Mr. Blakely. Oh, Mr. Vanderhoof. Well, send him right in. No, no, no, no. Have him wait. Yes, sir. Let him cool his heels a while. Psychology, eh? Mr. Vanderhoof, Mr. Blakely will see you in just a minute. Oh, that's all right. I'm not in any hurry. Thank you, Mr. Vanderhoof. Hey, mister, what are you doing with that there machine? Huh? Oh, well, why, this is an adding machine. Oh, my goodness, made a mistake. First time in 20 years. I suppose that calls for the building to collapse. What do you have to do that for? Well, I have to add up these figures and see if they check against these other figures. Why? Say, do you like it? That's what you're doing? Oh, my goodness, no. Oh, for landscapes, what am I saying? Then what do you do it for? What would you rather do? Rather do? Well, I, uh, I make up things. Portrait? Oh, no, no, things. Gadgets. Let's see, you got anything here? Well, look back here behind the desk. See, this is one of the things I made up. The bunny comes out of the cabbage, looks around, and it goes back. Now, that's kind of cute. Seems to me, Mr... Poppins. Seems to me, Mr. Poppins, that's the sort of thing you ought to be doing all the time. Yes, well, maybe someday when my ship comes in. A lot of people waiting for that ship, Mr. Poppins. Meanwhile, they don't have any fun. Look, how would you like to come over to our house for a while and work on your gadgets? Over to your house? I don't feel bashful about it. Mr. Dupinna, he's the ice man, came over nine years ago. Got interested in making fireworks down in the cellar with my son-in-law Paul, and he's been living with us ever since. Over at our place, everybody does exactly what he wants to do. Really? That's wonderful. But, uh, how do you live? Who takes care of you? The same one who takes care of the lilies of the field, Mr. Poppins. If you like, you can come over and be a lily, too. Say, let's hear that bunny again, will you? Well, uh, all right. It's a wonderful invention, Mr. Poppins. ought to be fun making it, too. Oh, goodness, it is. Mr. Blakely. What's this? What's going on here? Well, you see, sir, this gentleman... Mr. Poppins was showing me his invention, that's all. Oh, Mr. Vendor, well, well, well. Come in, come right into my office. No, thank you, Mr. Blakely. I was just going. Going? Oh, what are you talking about? Say, that's a bad twitch in your eye. You've been working too hard. You ought to take a vacation. Well, Mr. Vendor Hopp, if it's all the same to you, let's quit playing games. I'm a very busy man. Then I don't want to disturb you. Bye, Mr. Blakely. Oh, look, look. I have a check here for $100,000 made out to you. You don't say. Look out for that twitch, Mr. Blakely. Coming, Poppins? I'd like to, but I don't think... You, you, Poppins, this is all your fault. You and your confounded toys. Get it out of here. Oh, you broke it. You broke my... Wait a minute, Mr. Vendor Hopp, I'll get my hat. If you leave here, Poppins, you needn't come back. I don't intend to. Mr. Blakely, the die is cast. From now on, I'm... I'm a lily. Fine. Get your bunny, Poppins. Hello, Mr. Poppins. Thank you. Hello, Grandpa, that's you. Yep, Reba, you better set another place for dinner. Mr. Poppins here is going to stay with us for a while. No, I ain't that nice. How do, Mr. Poppins? How do you do? Reba, will you taste a love dream for me? It's a new candy I'm working on with coconuts. Like to, Mrs. Essie, but I just ate a scallion. It's going to taste like scallions no matter what. Guess I'll have to ask mother then. Hello, Grandpa. This is my granddaughter, Essie, Mr. Poppins. It makes the best candy in the city. Hello. Hello. Just put your hat over there, Mr. Poppins. I'll show you where you can wash up. Mother hates a love dream for me. I don't think I can know, Essie. I'm busy with my play. You have to make candy today. It's so hot. Well, Ed went out and got a bunch of new orders. If it keeps on, you'll be opening a store, dear. That's what Ed was saying last night. But I said no. I want to be a dancer. Mrs. Essie, that new batch of love dreams is about ready. Oh, gosh. I better get back to the kitchen. Finish the second act yet, Mrs. Sigmar? Oh, no, Viva. I've got Cynthia just entering the monastery. Monastery? She was singing in the Paradise Club last I heard. Well, she gets tired of the Paradise Club and there's this monastery, so she goes there. My, I bet she buss it wide open. Mr. DePina, I want to show my wife. Oh, what are you doing down in the cellar? Look, Penny, the new firecrackers. Mr. DePina and I just got through with them. We can sell them for ten cents a string. And they pop like the Dickens. Watch. Pretty nice, huh? You did it lovely. Mr. Sigmar? Yes, Mrs. DePina. On this skyrocket, I think we've got the powder chamber too close to the balloon. Bring it up here and let me see. Mother! Hey, Essie. Well, I delivered the candy. How's my beautiful wife? Oh, just fine, dear. I couldn't wait to get home and get out this islephone. Say, where do you hear this tune? It's been ringing in my ears all day. Listen. Burt? No, Chopin. You've got a lot of you in it. To the family. Folks, this is Mr. Poppins. You know, Essie, the fellow playing the xylophone is Ed. He's her husband. This is my son-in-law, Paul Sigmar. Hello, Mr. Poppins. How do you do? And Mr. DePina. He's the Iceman. Very pleased to know you. How do you do? And over here is my daughter, Penny. How do you do? Oh, hello. Were you ever in the monastery, Mr. Poppins? No, I never have been. What's matter, Penny? Stuck? I got her in the monastery, and I can't get her out. Hey, where's Alice? Isn't she coming home for dinner? She didn't say. I think she ought to stop working in that millinery shop. They make her stay so late. Why, Penny, she hasn't worked there for five months. Really? She works for some bankers now. Kirby and Son. She works for the Son. Bankers now isn't that nice. Reba, Reba! Yes, Mrs. Sigmar? Reba, will you please call up Alice at her office and ask if she's coming home to dinner? That's at Kirby and Son, Reba. Yeah, I know. Yeah, she works for the Son. Now, where was I in my place? Tony, Tony, dear. Yes, Alice. Tony, stop me if I'm wrong. But isn't that the telephone ringing? Say that's strange. I thought I heard something. Voices in my ear. Voices that say, if you don't kiss Alice more right away, you're a chump. Tony, please! This is a business office. Hello? Mr. Anthony Kirby, Junior's office? Oh, hello, Reba. Wait. Mother wants to know if I'll be home for dinner. Oh, definitely not. The man says no, Reba. Darling, darling. Tony, stop that. Reba, tell Grandpa I love him as much as ever, but a young vice president has me in his car. Tony, Tony. Why was I only kissing you on the back of the neck? Yes, Reba, of course I'm struggling. Tony, don't you come. Tony. Good evening, dear. Oh. Mother? Oh, uh, hello, Mother. Won't you sort of sit down or something? No, I... I see you're busy. If you don't mind, I think I'll go and see your father. Excuse me, dear. Goodbye, Reba. I've got to hang up now. The ceiling just fell in. Tony, would you mind handing me the want-ad section of that paper? Oh, I'm sorry, Alice. I had no idea my mother was going to pop in like that. No, I guess you didn't. Well, I'd better go home. Now, wait a minute. I want to tell you something. Last night I informed the lady that was just in here that I was going to marry you. Tony! I don't remember you telling it to me. What? You didn't ask me. Did you see the way she looked at me? I know just what she was thinking. Oh, listen, there seems to be a general impression around here at the Kirby's or Ogres or something. Well, there's nothing to do with me. They're just putty in my hands. Never wanted a thing I couldn't get of a yell long enough. Worked like a charm when I was a baby. Here, I'll give you an idea. Yay! Tony! Oh, you crazy. And there's one little detail I forgot to mention. I love you, Alice. I love you very much. Oh, Tony. Tony. There you are. Do you like it, Mr. Sycamore? I think it's marvelous. Did you make that just the two days you've been here? Well, I had the parts, you see. But this is a wonderful place to work. Same as the Sycamore. This new fireworks display is going to be the best we've ever made. I guess it is, Mr. Depina. Did you think a name up for it yet? No. What we need is something new and big with plenty of flash. You any ideas, Mr. Poppins? Let me see. I know. The Russian Revolution. Bloody of fireworks there. Well, that's brilliant, Mr. Poppins. What do you think of it, Ed? The Russian Revolution. I think it's swell. So you got swell ideas, Mr. Poppins. Say, maybe you got something you'd like me to set up on my print press. Oh, why don't you print something about the fireworks? Advertising them. Then print the candy boxes, and the people who buy the candy will also buy the fireworks. Say, that's great. Listen, how does this sound? Watch for the revolution. It's coming soon. Fine. We got a lot of these red-frag firecrackers left. You could write about them, too. Sure. Red flags will sweep the country. Get your red flags from Sycamore. Well, that's fine. Fine. Yet, Miss Alice, it ain't even half ready. Gather round, everybody. It's the town cry-o-herself, and I've got an announcement to make. Alice Alice, dear, what's the matter? Oh, it's wonderful, Mother. Listen. A young gentleman is going to call on me in exactly 20 minutes. Who, Alice? What's his name? Mr. Anthony Kirby, Jr. Yes, Kirby and Sonny. Yeah, yeah, what's all the excitement? Grandpa, I've had a proposal from Tony Kirby, and he's coming to call tonight. A proposal? Well, why didn't you say? And, Mother, please, I want him to take us in easy doses. So, please, don't read him any plays on his first visit, because I like him. And, and, Elsie, I wouldn't dance for him if I were you, because we're going to the Monte Carlo Ballet later. Well, now I've got to dress. Bye. I hope you're all right. I'll be right back. Sit down. Thanks. Well, Alice, do you love him? Love him? Oh, I... Oh, I... Can't even talk about him, huh? Not rationally. Who's asking you to be rational? Listen, when I courted your grandmother, it took me two years to propose. Know why? The moment she'd walk into the room, my knees would buckle, and the blood would rush to my head, and the walls would start dancing. Up to the last, I couldn't even look at her without my heart didn't go thump, thump, thump. That's why I've lived in this house so many years. I never could move out. It'd be like... like moving away from Grandma. Oh, Grandpa. I've got it that way, too. If you have, then I guess it's all right. Look, I... I bought you something. Here. You like it? Well, bless my soul. A new harmonica. Sure is a beauty, too. I guess I'll run along downstairs and have a whack at it. And remember, everybody, be very nice. It's Alice's young man. Come right in. I'm afraid there's been a mistake. My name is Henderson. Henderson? But I thought it was Kirby. Wilbur G. Henderson. Internal Revenue Department. I'm looking for Martin Van der Hoff. Right here. Come on in. Thank you. Sit down, sir. Thanks. Mr. Van der Hoff, the government wants to talk to you about a little matter of income tax. Income tax? Now, Mr. Van der Hoff, we've written you several letters about this, according to our records. Oh, that's Mr. Kirby now. I'll answer it. Excuse me. Uh, thanks. Hello, sir. I'm glad to see you. Oh, thank you, sir. Mother! Sit down, son. Sit down. Make yourself at home. Oh, thank you very much. Mr. Van der Hoff, I hope you'll excuse me, but I've got to be going. Oh, I'm sorry. Drop in again sometime for dinner. If you don't mind, I'd like to get my business over before I go. Oh? Mr. Van der Hoff, our records show that you have never paid an income tax. That's right. Why not? I don't believe in it. You don't believe in it? No, sir. Well, whether you believe in it or not, you owe the government 22 years back income taxes. Yes, now look, Mr. Henderson, suppose I pay you the money, mind you. I don't say I'm going to, but just for the sake of argument, what do I get from my money? Get? What? Why, you get everything. What? Well, well, everything. Look at Congress and the House and the Senate. We've got to pay them, don't we? Not with my money, no, sir. Now listen. Hello, Tony. Hello, Alice. I hope you all got acquainted. Oh, yes. I think you two will make such a lovely couple. Mother. Look, Mr. Van der Hoff, there's no two ways about it. You've got to pay your taxes. How's that? I said you've got to pay it. Well, they've got to show me. They don't have to show you. I just told you. Look, who's going to pay for all those buildings down in Washington and interstate commerce and the Constitution? The Constitution was paid for long ago. And interstate commerce, what is interstate commerce anyway? Oh, look, there are 48 states, see? And if it weren't for interstate commerce, nothing could get from one state to another. See? Why not? Have they got fences? No, they haven't got fences. They've got laws. Oh, holy smoke. I never ran across anything like this before. Well, I might pay you about $75, but that's all it's worth. You'll pay every Senate, like everybody else. You're bigger than the law. You've got another thing. Come on. Holy smokes, what's that? What's that? Let me out of this place. Let me out of here. Let me out of here. You see, Tony, my father makes fireworks in a cellar. Oh, well, I hope you don't get in any trouble, Mr. Vanderhoof. Not me. I don't owe the government a cent. Alice, dear, here's your rare things, mother. Already, Tony, we'll be late. Hello, everybody. Mr. Kalenkov. Tony, you're just in time to meet Mr. Kalenkov. He's Essie's dancing teacher. Ah, my little Alice. My little Alice car. Never have I seen you look so magnificent. Mr. Kirby, Mr. Kalenkov. How do you do? I have a slight pain in the chest. Oh, Mr. Kalenkov, I practiced today. Oh, my pavlova. Uh, Grandpa, I am in time for dinner, no? Of course you are. You'll pardon us, Mr. Kalenkov. We're going out to the Monte Carlo Valley. Monte Carlo Valley? It stinks. Yes, well, goodbye, everybody. I'm glad to have met you all. Goodbye. Dinner's ready. Well, let me get my clothes ready. We can put the order right in that corner. Thank you very much. Quiet, everybody. Quiet. Did you notice his manners, Pa? Quiet penny. Grandpa's going to say grace. Well, sir, we've been getting along pretty good for quite a while now, and we're certainly much obliged. Looks like Alice is going to get married, and I think she'll be happy, because we just met the boy you sent to her, and he looks fine. Remember, all we ask is to just go along the way we are and keep our health, and as far as anything else is concerned, we leave it up to you. Thank you. Now, who has the pickles? Pickles, Mr. Poppins? I'm sorry. The curtain falls on Act 1, if you can't take it with you. And the course of romance promises to be rather stormy in the Van de Huff household. During the brief intermission, before we go on with the second act, a member of our official family, Mr. Rueck, has an interesting interlude for you. Yes. I should like to tell you about a conversation that some of us had last night. We were sitting around a table at the Brown Derby when someone brought up the subject of how men differ from women in their attitude towards the simple things of life. For instance, men don't like plays that are sad as much as women do. And men sing in the bath, Mr. Rueck. That's right, Mr. Rueck. We've made up a little song about that, but I think it's cute. Want to hear it? We certainly do. Go ahead. Here's what we've heard nearly everyone say. Women are different from men. Ladies, when bathing, are not half so gay. While men sing or whistle and then sing again. If they're Irish, the tune goes like this. D That cheer is one they won't miss. Maybe they'll whistle and you will hear. That's enough, girls. That's enough. You've proved your point. Men do sing in the bathtub or shower, and it's up to the wise wife to see that this happy mood isn't broken. Don't please give them a soap that's sort of stingy in its louder. Don't give them soaps that sting and smart. In short, do give them locked-toilet soap. It's rich, active lather works up fast and cleanses thoroughly and quickly. Yet it's gentle and mild. It makes a bath a pleasure. And best of all, it leaves a man sure of fastidious grooming. Mr. Rueick, we have a two-line encore to our song. Fine, let's hear it. Here is how you can keep husbands always gay. Let them take bath the Lux soap way. Yes, Lux toilet soap is a bath soap men like. Here's our producer, Mr. DeMille. Act two, you can't take it with you. Starring Walter Connolly as Grandpa van der Hoff, Edward Arnold as Mr. Kirby, Robert Cummings as Tony, and Faye Ray as Alice, with Neda Harrigan as Mrs. Kirby, and Lee Patrick as Penny. It's later the same evening. On every side of the city park, skyscrapers send up a million lights to challenge the stars. But Alice and Tony, who found a secluded bench beneath the trees, are not concerned with the miracles of man or nature. Just now, they have eyes only for each other. What are you thinking, Tony? Thinking how much better this is than going to the ballet. What are you really thinking about my family? It's not a family you can just ignore. No, it isn't. You know, I think they're great. They seem to do just what they wanted. Grandpa started it 35 years ago. He suddenly quit business one day, started up the elevator, came right down again and never went back. He said he wasn't having any fun. Well, that's exactly what I mean. And mother. You know why mother writes plays? Because two years ago, a typewriter was delivered to the house by mistake. Well, now I know why you're so different. You know, I think that your family is the answer to what's wrong with the world. People spend their lives building castles in the air, and yet they never try to make them realities. You know, in school another fellow and I had an idea. Oh, do you mind if I start to talk about myself? I'd love it. Well, this fellow and I had an idea how to utilize the energy in grass. You know, grass just like this. Did you know that every blade of grass has an energetic force that has never been used for anything? No. Oh yes, well we worked on it all the time. Every spare moment, all night sometimes. We get so excited, we forget to sleep, and, well, then we left school. He's selling automobiles, and I'm in some mysterious thing called banking. Tony, why don't you? Don't say it. Don't say it. I know what you're thinking. But the curbies come from a long line of bankers, and the line simply must not be broken. Gosh, that's been potted into my head, and it's giving me softening the brain. Oh, that's silly, Tony. You're still young, and there's plenty of time to decide about those things. Besides, I resent what you said about your brain. I think it's beautiful. Do you? Mm-hmm. Gee, that's wonderful. Now, tell me, when do we get married? We don't. Oh, darling, what'd you say? I said, we don't. Not for a while. Why? Because I've been thinking. We could save ourselves a lot of embarrassment later on if our two families could meet first. Oh, so that's what's on your mind, huh? I want you to bring your folks for dinner Wednesday, Tony. Now, wait. I'm not going to put you on exhibition like a freak in a circus. I don't mind. Well, I do. Well, it's worth it if we get their approval. It'll be sensible, Tony. They've centered their whole lives around you, made all sorts of plans. Suddenly I come along, and everything's upset. Tony, there's no two ways about it. Your family has to meet mine. All right. Wednesday for dinner. It's a date. Aren't you dressed yet? No, I'm not. Well, hurry, dear. Tony said eight o'clock. Look here, Miriam. Are you serious about taking me on this slumming tour? The more we fight, Tony, the more he'll resist. It's the only thing to do. Yes, but the dinner and some awful... That's just it. She's probably from some dull middle-class family. As soon as Tony sees us all together, he'll realize how impossible the situation is. Yeah, that I take it is what is known as being subtle. Yes. Oh, heaven only knows what they'll have to eat. You know how sensitive my stomach is, Miriam. They're sure to have some vegetables, Anthony. Yeah, probably cooked. You know, mine have got to be raw. Anthony, please, hurry. They're expecting us at eight o'clock. All right, all right. Reba, people look out through the window and see if there's a man standing in front of the house. What you're so excited about, Ed? There's a man that'll follow me, Grandpa, the last few nights when I've been out to live in candy. Maybe he wants a piece. I don't see nobody, Mr. Ed. Some day, Alice, you're going to break your neck sliding down that banister. Some day I'm going to do it without holding. Yes, dear. You're going to give Reba the kitchen all day tomorrow, aren't you? She'll need it. Oh, yes, that's why I'm making the love dreams now. So I'll be way ahead. Thank you, darling. Look, Mother, tomorrow night before the Kirby's come, will you have Reba put everything down in the cellar, the typewriter, the kittens, and the dialer phone? Certainly, dear. Reba, remind me. The Kirby's are certainly going to get the wrong impression of this house tomorrow night. Well, I'll be upstairs if anybody wants me. Oh, Mr. Sycamore. Yes, Mr. DePinner? Look what I found in the cellar. Remember? Over eight years ago. Well, of course, Mr. DePinner. It's my painting of you as a discus thrower. Oh, I always meant to finish it, but I got started on my plays and never painted it again. Well, it's just as well. I'd have been the next one to strip. I think I'll finish it tonight. Is the costume still down in the cellar, Mr. DePinner? Sure. We use the bath towel. You go get it, Mr. DePinner, and I'll go upstairs and get my pallet and brushes. Oh, boy. Oh, Reba. I'm in time for dinner, no? Yes, sir, Mr. Kolinkov, right on time. That is why I like to... What is that thing? That? It's a picture of Mr. DePinner. Penny painted it. It stings. Let's see. Yeah, I guess it does. Close and be right down. Oh, my pavlova, you are like a beautiful swan. Is he making any progress in her dancing, Mr. Kolinkov? Well, uh, confidentially, she stings. Well, as long as she's having fun. Oh, hello. Nice to get into my art things again. Ah, Mrs. Sycamore, you are like a breath of party. Oh, thank you. It's a time of chatter, don't you think? I'm ready, Mrs. Sycamore. Where are you going to wait? Right here, Mr. DePinner. The toga looks pretty good, huh? Well, all right now. Pose, Mr. DePinner. All right. My new ballet dress. Good, that's a good. And now add music, please. For tonight's lesson, we use the dance of the hour. OK. Now, ready? We begin. Would you pour your stomach in a little, Mr. DePinner? Pour a little free, a little free with the hands. And the music must be free or two. Your stomach in a little more, Mr. DePinner. Mrs. Sycamore, Mr. Kirby's there here. Well, good evening, Tony. Good evening. You're Mr. and Mrs. Kirby, aren't you? How do you do? Are we too early? No, no, no. Sit right down and make yourself at home. It's perfectly all right. Yes. Only we thought it was tomorrow night. Tomorrow night, Tony. Well, that's funny. I thought... Really, this is most embarrassing. Not at all. Not at all. We weren't doing a thing. Of course. We were just having a quiet evening at home. Now, don't let that bother you. This is Alice's mother, Alice's sister, Mrs. Carmichael, Mr. Carmichael, and Mr. Collin. How do you do that? And oh, yes, the discus thrower is Mr. DePinner. How do you do? Don't mind my custom. I'll take it right off. Oh. I'll call Alice. Alice! I feel very uncomfortable about this. It's very careless of you, Tony. Very. Penny, how about some dinner for these folks? Please don't bother. Oh, no bother at all. Ed, call up Murphy's and get a half a dozen bottles of beer and some canned salmon. Do you like canned salmon, Mr. Curvy? Please don't trouble. I'm not very hungry. We're having frankfurters, but I don't think we'll have enough now that you've come. Make it frankfurters, Ed, and see if Reba has enough. Okay. Hey, Reba. Hello, Alice. Oh. Oh, dear. What do you think, Alice? They thought it was tonight. Oh, but Tony, I... I'm so sorry. You see, I was planning such a nice party tomorrow night. Well, perhaps we could come tomorrow night. Oh, no, no, no. We'd better see about getting you some dinner. Oh, that's all done, Alice. I sent out. What did you send out for? Mr. Curvy should have told you he suffers from indigestion. Now, now, Miriam, it isn't as serious as all that. Well, perhaps it is not indigestion at all, Mr. Curvy. Perhaps it is stomach ulcer. Stomach ul... Oh, sit down. Sit down, Mr. Curvy. Tell me, how do you find business conditions? Well, that depends on what side of the fence you're on. Oh, isn't this nice? A real chat. Are you any hobbies, Mr. Curvy? Business is my hobby, Mrs. Sikker. Tony told me you once raised orchids. Well, that was a long time ago. Grandpa plays the harmonica. Oh, really? Yes, ever played one, Mr. Curvy? Well, when Mr. Curvy was a boy, the harmonica was associated with street corner loafers. Oh, were they mother? Of course. Well, then Dad's been holding out on you. He used to be a champ. He told me so himself. Here's the scrub. Only they didn't have any more frank footers, so I got pickle pig's feet. Oh! Never mind, Dad. Just bring everything in the kitchen. I'll fix some scrambled eggs for Mr. Curvy. Well, Alice, wait a minute. I'll help. Well, Tony, that's that, I guess. A fine impression we're making. How could you make such a dreadful mistake? You knew it was tomorrow night? Sure did. Tony, you mean you brought them tonight purposely? Why? Well, I wanted their approval of you just as you are, not a trumped-up evening with everybody acting unnatural. But I wanted them to like us or you've spoiled it. I planned such a nice evening. Oh, a fine pair to plan things for. They're out there acting like a couple of people on a slumming tour. Reba, fix some scrambled eggs, please. Come on, we'd better get back. The perfect hobby should improve the body as well as the mind. The Romans were a great people. Why? What was their hobby? Wrestling. In wrestling, you have to think quick with the mind and the body. That's quite true. When I was young, I was quite good at it. Well, unfortunately, as the years go on... Foolish. Once a wrestler, you never forget. I have not wrestled in six years, and I forget nothing. Look, Mr. Curvy, stand up. Now, wait a minute. I'll leave Mr. Curvy alone. Now, you hold me so, and I hold you so. Now, listen, I don't want to rest. What do I do? I do this. My glasses. Where are my glasses? Here they are, Mr. Curvy. They're broken. Well, I am sorry, but when you wrestle again, Mr. Curvy, you will, of course, not wear glasses. If you don't mind, perhaps we'd better be going. Oh, now, Mrs. Curvy, don't be silly. No use rushing off like this. I want to stay here and talk to you, Alice. I'd rather you didn't. There's nothing to talk about. Good night. Now, it's been very nice to have met all of you. Stay right where you are, everybody. Oh, good heavens. What's all this? Who are you? Which one was it, Joe? This guy here. Hey, what is this? What is this? What do you mean? Say, here, we don't belong in this house. Give me a mouse. Shut. You. What's your name? My name is Edward Carmichael. Say, I haven't done anything. Hey, what's all this about? The police department. And what have you done? Nothing else. See, I told you somebody was following me. Shut up. Now, this door leads to the cellar? Yes, yes, it does. Get down there, Joe, and look around. Okay, Chief. Now, nobody move. Come here, Carmichael. Ever see these papers before? Huh? Well, sure. They're my circulars. You print this stuff? Yes, sir. And you put them in the candy boxes and get them in the people's homes? Oh, but I didn't mean anything. Oh, you didn't, eh? Well, listen. Watch for the revolution. The red flag will sweep the country. Radicals, they're radicals. But I didn't mean it. Shut up. Hey, Chief, Chief. Hey, what is it, Joe? Well, you all right, Chief. They've got enough gunpowder down in that cellar to blow up the whole city. But we only use that to make fire. Shut up. Oh. Everybody in this house is under arrest. What's that? Oh, my heaven. Look here, officer. This is all nonsense. Excuse me, officer. But I've got to get down in the cellar. Oh, no, you don't. What's your name? Mr. Depenner. But I just remembered. I left my pipe down there. Get back there. But I've got to get my pipe. Grab him, Joe. Let me go. Let me go. I've got to get down there. You stay right where you are. Act two of you can't take it with you. Ended rather abruptly. We'll see what happens in Act three. If anyone can get out of a fix like that, our money's on Grandpa. Perhaps his secret is friendliness. And here's another gentleman who seems to know that secret. After a brief intermission, we will go on with Act three of you can't take it with you, starring Edward Arnold, Walter Connolly, Faye Ray, Robert Cummings, Neda Harrigan, and Lee Patrick. A few weeks ago, I mentioned on this program a conversation I'd had with Joan Bennett. A few days later, I got a letter that made me think that perhaps I'm not always as grateful as I should be. The letter says, well, here, Sally, you read it. Dear Mr. Ruick, so you know Joan Bennett. You big lucky, I wish I knew her. Why don't you tell us some more about the stars you know personally? Shall I read the way it's signed? Certainly, why not? Go ahead. Well, it's signed an admirer. Oh, that. She doesn't mean me, Sally. She means she admires Joan Bennett. And by George, so do I. What a complexion she has. Are you going to do what she asks? Oh, Joan Bennett? No, an admirer. Oh, you mean to talk more about the movie stars, I know? Well, I know Olivia de Havilland, and believe me, I was glad I did the other night. Why, Mr. Ruick? Because I was at the Trocadero, and she came in. She looked so absolutely beautiful that everyone in the place turned to look. She has lovely skin. Indeed she has. And she uses luck soap. She's a real fan for it. It says it does a swell job for her. And besides, she likes to use it because it has such a nice perfume. You can bet a girl like Olivia wouldn't use luck unless it did work because she's really a practical little thing, so business-like about everything, expects results. Nine out of ten screen stars use luck soap. That means they get results, doesn't it, Mr. Ruick? It certainly does, Sally. Luck soap has active lather that does a thorough job, makes you sure of perfect cleansing. And that means it's the soap for every woman who wants her skin to have the best of care. Smooth, soft skin is a joy to everyone who looks at it, and everyone does look at it and admire it. So let luck's toilet soap help you win the love and admiration you ought to have. We pause now for station identification. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System. We continue with the third act of You Can't Take It With You. The long arm of the law has reached into the Vanderhoof household and scooped up the entire family. And with them, the aristocratic kerb is. In the police station, the men have been herded into a single barred room, reserved especially for the drunk and disorderly. Well, Tony, I hope you're satisfied. And I only hope it teaches you a lesson. Go fooling around with stenographers. Sorry, Dad, but I intend marrying you. Yes, I know. I intended marrying a waitress once. But fortunately, my father knocked it out of me. Mr. Kirby, you'd be a lot better off if you'd relax a little. Ah, relax. With my son being snatched from under my nose, with my being arrested like a common criminal, this may jeopardize the biggest deal of my career. Stop worrying, Mr. Kirby. What if all your deals fall through? Might be a lucky break for you. Are you crazy? Maybe I am. I was just like you once. But I quit because I wasn't having any fun. That was 35 years ago. Yeah, and you haven't done a thing since. Oh, yes, yes. I went to the zoo when I got the notion, took up the harmonic again, made a lot of friends, and even found time to notice when spring came around. Yes, a fine country we'd have if we all spent our time at the zoo and played the harmonica. It's a lot of nonsense. Too bad you can't find time for a lot of nonsense like that. Maybe you'd stop being so desperate about making more money than you can use. You can't take it with you, Mr. Kirby. So what good is it? From what I can see, there's only one thing you can take with you. And that's the love of your friend. Oh, why don't you go out and get a pulpit for yourself? I'm sorry. Which one of you is Vanderhoff? Right here, sir. There he is, mister. Five minutes. Thanks. Hello, Mr. Vanderhoff. Remember me? Oh, sure. Mr. Blakely, isn't it? Yes. Heard you went trouble and came over to help you out. I see. Well, you're wasting your time, Mr. Blakely. I don't intend selling my home. What? No, sir. Not so long, young fellow, and run along and let me alone. Well, we'll see how long you can hold out. We'll just wait till a few more things happen to you. Oh. So it was you who arranged this arrest? Yes, and it's only a starter. Blakely, did you do this? Mr. Kirby. Are you idiot? Do you know what you've done? Mr. Kirby, I never dreamed that you knew these people. Get out of here, you blundering idiot. And if you have one ounce of brain seed, we can dig up my attorneys. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I'll phone them all. Yes, sir. So you're the one that's been holding up my deal. Kind of funny, isn't it? No, what's so funny about it? I mean, you're engineering this thing and then getting caught in your own trap. Well, you won't think it's so funny when I take that house away from you. Listen to him. Talks like a tsar. I'll show you how business has done the Kirby way. Business. You are not the businessman. You are a lion in the jungle. Yes, and I've got the longest in the shop is closed, too. That's how I got where I am. That's why I'm on top and scum like you are in the gutter. All that scum. Who are you calling scum? You're an idiot, Mr. Kirby. A stupid idiot. You can't talk to me like that. Oh, yes, I can. Scum, are we? What makes you think you're such a superior human being? Your money? With all your wealth, you're the poorest man I know. Poorer than any of these people you call scum. Because I'll guarantee they've got some friends. You may be a high mogul to yourself, Mr. Kirby, but to me, you're a failure. A failure as a man. A failure as a human being. Yes, even a failure as a father. I'm sorry, Mr. Kirby. I hadn't lost my temper like that in 30-some odd years. If I could make it up to you anyway, how'd you like to have my harmonica? It's a new one. Here, you might want to play it sometime. All right, everybody. Night court's open. Have your slips ready. Come on, come on. Mr. Vanderhoof, for disturbing the peace, you and the rest of your family are, by your own plea, guilty. But I shall suspend sentence. Thank you, sir. But for manufacturing explosives without a license. I'm sorry, but I'm forced to fine you $100. $100? That's a lot of money. Your Honor, I'll pay his fine. No, no, thank you very much, Mr. Kirby, but I couldn't let you do that. We've got to help Grandpa. He's our neighbor. Order. Silence, please. Oh, Grandpa, don't worry. Why, Maggie? Your Honor, we're Grandpa's neighbors. We'll take care of that fine for him. We'll take up a collection. Very well, but quietly, please. Thanks, Judge. Okay, folks, let's pony up. Now, you're a lucky man, Mr. Vanderhoof, to have so many friends. Yes, sir. Now, gentlemen, I'd like to dismiss the charge of disturbing the peace against the Kirby's. But if these people were guilty, then I must assume the Kirby's were guilty too. Unless, of course, they can explain what they were doing there. I don't see that that's important. Haven't we been embarrassed enough? Your Honor, if I may say something... Yes, of course, Mr. Vanderhoof. These people just dropped in to see me about buying my house. Why, why, of course. That's all we were there for. That's not true. Now, Alice... Now, let me alone. I won't stand for it. I won't stand for our being humiliated like this. Your Honor, there is shame to admit that they came to look my family over to see if I was good enough to marry their precious son. Why, I never heard of these. She's right, Mother. That's just why we were there. It's time you spoke of Tony Kirby. Why, it's your family that isn't good enough. I wouldn't be related to a bunch of snobs like that for anything in the world. How do you like that? Alice! Estie, Paul, come here. What's the matter, Grandpa? Look, it's a letter from Alice. Here, read it. Alice! She coming home? Read it out loud, Penny. Oh, wait a minute. My hands are shaking. I've been with Helen, her school friend in Riverside. That's in Connecticut. Read what she says, Ma. Let me see now. I know now the situation between me and Tony is impossible. I should have stayed in my own backyard. But, oh, my darlings, I'm so lonesome for you. Last night, I cried myself to sleep. I wish I could rush back home. But how can I if I want to forget? Sounds to me like she's not coming back. Well, I guess that settles it. Who are you calling, Grandpa? I'm calling that fellow, Blakely. Blakely? You're not going to sell the house? Alice is right. She can't come back here. She'd be miserable. Mr. Blakely, please. We'll find a place where she is. Hello, Mr. Blakely. This is Mr. Vanderhoof. Still want to buy the house? All right. Draw up the papers. That's all right. Quite a crook, that fellow. Mr. Vanderhoof, why won't you tell me where she is? Because there's an unwritten law in our family against snitching. And Alice doesn't want to see you, Tony. Grandpa! He just took out the xylophone. Pretty busy today here, son, moving and all. Mr. Vanderhoof, if you see Alice, will you tell her that I've quit the banking business? And I'm going to work on that grass thing. Grass? Sure. Grandpa! Grandpa! I've just seen Miss Alice coming up the wall. Miss Alice is home! What a heavenly day, but we were going to see her. Grandpa, what are you doing? I came as soon as I got to a telegram that... Oh, I'm too late. You've already sold the house. Of course I sold the house. I was getting tired of it. But now everybody on the block has to move. What about Grandma? You're moving away from her. Alice. Well, Mr. Kirby, you wanted the house and you got it. We'll now get out. Don't talk to me. Oh, Grandpa. It's all right, Alice. It's all right. Now, don't cry, honey. The desk was right here, wasn't it? Sit her down, Harry. Say, what is this? What are you bringing that furniture back in here for? Oh, there's Grandpa. Come on, Harry. What in the world? May I come in? Dad. Why, it's Mr. Kirby. Mr. Kirby. Do you mind if I sit down? Of course not. We're a little short on chairs. Well, you won't be. I told the men to bring your furniture back. You did? Why? Mr. Vanderhoof, you told me I was a failure as a man and as a father. I guess maybe you were right. My son walked out on me today. Oh, Dad. But I'm not giving up. I want my son back. I want to be a success as a father. So the first thing I've got to do is to be a success as a man. My big deal isn't going through. And strangely enough, I don't care. Mr. Kirby, you know what I do when I'm facing a crisis of some kind? No. I just take out my harmonica and play until the crisis fades away. I think right now, if you and me could get together on a duet, you brought the harmonica I gave you, didn't you? Well, I... Fine. Fine. How about Polly Wally Doodle? Polly Wally Doodle. I'll start it when you join in. Oh, isn't it lovely? I'm the harmonica. Ah, my Russian wrestling friend. What are you doing here? I'll show you. I hold you so. You hold me so. What am I doing? I'm doing this. Oh, Miss Ann. Thank you. Come on, Mr. Man. Alice, I guess everything's all right now, huh? Oh, Tonya, I can't say a word. Gee, I feel like screaming. Guess it's coming over me. Yeah? I got her. But you've got what you want, Tonya. Oh, Alice. Grandpa's going to say grace. Well, sir, here we are again. We had a little trouble, but that's not your fault. You spread the milk of human kindness, and if some of it gets curdled, that's our lookout. Anyway, things have turned out fine. Alice is going to marry Tony. The Kirby's are coming to live with us for a while. And everybody on the block is happy. We've all got our health, and as far as anything else is concerned, we leave it up to you. Thank you. Has anybody got the pickles? Ah, all the pickles! The Van de Haas Plan are rather interesting people, and four other interesting people are coming back to our microphone now. Edward Donalds, Walter Connelly, Faye Ray, and Robert Cummings. That's quite a mob you got here tonight, CB. Gangsters? Where? Not gangsters, Walter. Just a mob. You know, two's company, four's a mob. Why the retrenchment? At the mill, mobs ain't ought to have about 4,000. Sometimes four good actors can outshine 4,000, Bob. Yeah, but they can't make as much noise. That depends on their ammunition. You four made plenty tonight. Well, we're all a little shell-shopped after rehearsing under firecrackers all week. Well, I do think it was carrying realism too far when the man put firecracker off under my chair. That was rather a low trick. But Eddie, wasn't that in the spirit of the Low Jinx Festival at the Bohemian Club? Well, we have two important pilgrimages a year, CB. The High Jinx, which is serious and the Low Jinx, which speaks for itself. It's quite a sight. Actors making fun of themselves. Oh, no, Ed. Impossible. Actors never make fun of themselves. Well, I've seen it with my own eyes. I'll take you all up sometime, show you. All except Faye. It's strictly stagged. Educational, but not coeducational. Never mind, Faye. How did you enjoy that summer theater in Maine? Oh, it was grand. The only way I know of to get paid for taking a vacation in Maine. I came to report that we'll interest you, CB. I found in my summer theater that Lux soap is just as popular backstage as it is in Hollywood. Naturally, I took some with me when I went to Maine because I've used it for years. And I discovered that almost everyone else uses it, too. They know as I do what a help it is in keeping one's complexions soft and smooth. Hmm, reports like that make the heart grow fonder. Well, you know, Mr. DeMille, it's time for you to give a report of yourself. What have you done about next week's play? Next Monday night, we're going to have Irene Dunn and David Nevin. And the play... The play which I think everyone will like is The Sisters. A story about a girl who cast her lot with a reckless adventurer, fought for love and won a victory. Irene Dunn and David Nevin in The Sisters. That's a wonderful cast and a fine play. I bet a lot of people have been asking for The Sisters. Well, the Arnold family you'll be listening in, and it's time for me to get out of here. I've got to go to work again. I think we all enjoyed doing you can take it with you. Goodbye, CB. Good night. Good night. And our gratitude is one thing you can take with you. Our sponsors, the makers of Lux Toilet Soap, join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday night when the Lux Radio Theatre presents Irene Dunn and David Nevin in The Sisters. This is Cecil B. DeMille saying good night to you from Hollywood. This is Melville Rourke asking you to be sure to listen to the Lux Daytime Program, The Life and Love of Dr. Susan. This human and gripping story of a young attractive woman doctor is brought to you every afternoon, Monday through Friday. For the time in station, see your newspaper. The Life and Love of Dr. Susan comes to you in addition to the Lux Radio Theatre. Heard in tonight's play were Lou Merrill as Kalenkov, Sally Payne as Essie, Edward Marr as Ed, Ralph Sadan as Poppins, Gryff Barnett as Hughes, Gil Patrick as Secretary, Abe Reynolds as Dipina, John Fee as First Associate, Victor Rodman as Blakely, Jane Morgan as Secretary, Libby Taylor as Reba, Harry Humphries as Paul, and Earl Ross as Guard. Edward Arnold will soon be seen in the Columbia picture Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Walter Connolly is now appearing in the RKO production Fifth Avenue Girl. Robert Cummings current film is the Underpup, a universal production. Lewis Silver's is from 20th Century Fox, where he directed music for Hollywood Cavalcade. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.