 The Kraft Foods Company, makers of Kraft quality foods, presents Harold Perry as the Great Gilder Sleeve. The Great Gilder Sleeve is brought to you by the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. Miracle Whip is a different kind of salad dressing with a really different flavor, lively and teasing. It's not too sharp and yet not too bland. Millions of folks call it just exactly right. Try Miracle Whip on your salads. Just one taste and you'll know why it's the most popular salad dressing ever created. Delightful and different Miracle Whip. Come on in Summerfield. It's early on a summer evening as we find the Great Gilder Sleeve in the parlor. Comfortably settled in his favorite chair with a good cigar and the evening paper. Wonder if there's good news tonight. Hmm. President Truman spends weekend on his yacht. Well good. Hope you had a nice breeze. Glancing through the paper, Leroy. Hey, who's the girl in the bathing suit? What? Oop. It says her name is Miss Quick-Drying Glue of 1950. Oh my goodness. Is that a real name, Aunt? Hardly, my boy. And please don't breathe down the back of my neck. You're getting your bubble gum in my back hair. Uncle Mort. Uncle Mort. There's Marjorie. I'm in the parlor. Oh, I've got the most wonderful news, Anki. I just came home with Bronco. That's wonderful, no? You are? Sit down, my dear. Calm down and tell me all about it. Well, Bronco's doing just wonderfully in the real estate business, Uncle Mort. He'll be in in a minute and tell you all about it. He sold a big piece of property over by the river. Well, good for Bronco. Isn't he just perfect, Anki? Yeah. And he's my husband. Oh, brother. And just think, Anki, we've only been married three weeks and already he's a big businessman. Yeah, that Bronco's kicking up a lot of dust. And Bronco's so clever, Anki. Oh, yeah. Bronco, Bronco, Bronco. She never quits. Oh, here he comes. We have to kneel. Mr. Gilder Sleeves. Well, hello Bronco. I'd like to know more about it, Bronco. Tell him the good news. Well, I made my first big sale today, Mr. Gilder Sleeves. As they say in real estate terms, I knocked over a lulu. Knocked over a lulu, eh? Well, that's fine, Bronco. Glad to hear it. Well, tell him all about it, darling. I think I'll go out and get some air. Well, it's the old woolligan place over on the river, Mr. Gilder Sleeves. And I've sold it. It's all signed up. Great. Make a nice commission, did you? Well... Yes, what about the commission, Bronco? Well, the commission is kind of unusual. I get part of it in cash and part of it in a... In a... In a what, Bronco? Well, in a houseboat. A houseboat? A houseboat? Yeah, it's sort of a house on a boat. You know. That's quite a lulu. Bronco, what in the world are you doing? What are you going to do with a houseboat? Well, I haven't quite figured that out yet. Somebody get a houseboat? Leroy, I thought you were outside getting some air. I got some. Well, go get some more. Bronco got part of his commission in cash. And a houseboat, well... Well, it's something. Excuse me for laughing. It's not your fault, Bronco. You really did very well for a young man just starting out. Simply takes time and experience to develop a good business sense. And, as you say, you did get some cash. Did you get a houseboat? I guess I should have talked to you before I made the deal, Mr. Gildersleeve. Did you get a houseboat? Well, I'd have been happy to help you, Bronco, but don't you worry about it. You can't expect to become a shrewd businessman overnight. Did you get a houseboat? Well, I think it's wonderful, Bronco. Did you get a houseboat? Yeah, you're a good boy, Bronco. And believe me, I'm not laughing at you, but it strikes me so funny. A houseboat. Oh, for corn sake. Fire! What? Oh, Bronco did, Leroy. No kidding? Yeah, no kidding. I guess I could sell it for something, couldn't I, Mr. Gildersleeve? Well, there's not much of a market for houseboats, my boy. If I were you, I'd simply charge it up to experience. Think of the fun you'll have telling your grandchildren about it. Yeah. Live and learn, Bronco. Well, I've got to go up and dress now. Houseboat. I'm running over to Miss Milford's for a while this evening. Well, next time I have a problem, I'll talk it over with you, Mr. Gildersleeve. Sure, what a fine boy. I'm just finishing up the dishes, Rockmorton. Come out in the kitchen and talk to me. Love to, Catherine. Why not give me a towel? You wash and I'll dry. Fine. Here, let me put an apron on you. Well, ruffles. Cute? By the way, I heard about Bronco this evening. He sold the old Willigan place on the river. That's wonderful. Yeah. Took a houseboat for part of his commission. A houseboat? Yeah, a houseboat. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Bronco's just a wide-eyed and experienced boy, Catherine. Not a shrewd bone in his whole body. Imagine taking a houseboat. Well, I don't know, Rockmorton. I'd love a houseboat. You would? Imagine floating along the cool breeze from the river drifting in the window. Yeah, but... On moonlit nights, reclining chairs on the deck, watching the twinkling lights. A lovely island and a sea of stars. Soft music, little waves whispering under the bow. Fireflies weaving magic patterns in the night. Our little chairs side by side. Your little pink hand in mine. Drifting down a silver path of moonlight. And you're so beautiful, Catherine. Here's a dish towel. Almost fell in the river. Try the glasses first, Rockmorton. Yes, yes. By George, the more I think of it, Catherine, the more I'm convinced that a houseboat is a great idea. Ah, just a dream, Rockmorton. Dream nothing. I could have Bronco's. The boy doesn't want it. He'd sell it for a song. He'd give it to me. Oh, now it's a Rockmorton. He would. Simple, big-hearted Bronco. Why, he'd let me have it in a minute. Say, a houseboat with my name on it. SS, Rockmorton, Pete Gildersleeve. What an idea. Excuse me, Captain. I'll see you tomorrow night. Tomorrow night? We could all sit on the deck of my houseboat. Where are you going? Gotta go home and see Bronco and find a couple of reclining chairs here. Hear the voices ringing. They seem to say, Good old Bronco, he'll be tickled to death to have somebody take that houseboat off his hands. He'll probably want to give it to me. But I'll insist that he take something for it. There's little Marjorie and Bronco sitting on the couch now. Hello, children. You back already, Yankee? Was Miss Milford home? Oh, yes, she was home, but I have some important things to attend to. And have you thought any more about your houseboat, Bronco? Oh, not much, Mr. Gildersleeve. I'm afraid I have a white elephant. White elephant, eh? Too bad. Well... I'm going upstairs and do some sewing, darling. All right, dear. You're so handsome. And you're so pretty. See you later, Marjorie. Your tie is the exact color of your eyes. It is. Polka-dotted eyes. I'll stay down here with you if you want me to, darling. Oh, no, you don't have to stay down here. Well, I will if you want me to. Oh, my goodness. You do whatever you want to do, dear. Well, I want to do whatever you want me to do, darling. Why don't we all go upstairs? Bye-bye, honey. Bye-bye, dear. Be sure to drop him a postcard when you get there. Now, where were we, Mr. Gildersleeve? Huh? Oh, yes. Yes, we were on your white elephant. Oh, yeah. You had a houseboat. Oh, I'm not very smart, Mr. Gildersleeve. Oh, yes, you are too, Bronco. You just haven't learned the ropes about business yet, that's all. Now, I was thinking, if you wanted to, I could probably take the boat off your hands just to help you get rid of it. Oh, no, it's very kind of you, Mr. Gildersleeve, but I couldn't let you do that. But, Bronco, I'm not doing you a favor. I'd like to have the houseboat. I might be able to use it sometime, somehow. Well... Of course, I don't expect you to give it to me, no, indeed. Well... No, I insist on paying you something for it, my boy. Oh, I don't want to take money from Marjorie's uncle. But this is business, my boy. Now, you're the seller and I'm the buyer. You have to take something for it. What's the price? Whatever you say. Gee, I don't know if I want to sell it, Mr. Gildersleeve. Wait, you have to. I mean... What did you do with it? I guess I could keep it. Keep it? Bronco, on what you're making, you can't support a wife and a houseboat. But I don't want to take money from you. Bronco, stop saying you don't want to take money from me. I want to buy your houseboat. You name the price and I'll buy it. Well, if you insist, Mr. Gildersleeve, I'll sell it to you for just what I have in it. Fine. Is that fair, Mr. Gildersleeve? Fair? Well, of course. How much do you have in it? Two hundred and thirty-five dollars. Two hundred and thirty-zeek? Is that fair, Mr. Gildersleeve? Well, it's... Sure, I... Then you've bought yourself a houseboat, Mr. Gildersleeve. Thanks a lot. You don't have to give me the check now. Tomorrow's all right. Tomorrow, yes. Well, you're swell, Mr. Gildersleeve. I guess I'll go up and see how Marjorie's doing. Hey, Bronco, hey! Two hundred and thirty-five dollars. Whee! What happened? How did he do that? We'll return to the great Gildersleeve in just a moment. Now, it's been said that you just can't please everybody. For example, take salads. Some like colorful fruit combinations and some like fresh mixed-garden vegetables. Some folks like a shimmering gelatin mold and others won't have anything but the hearty meat or seafood kind. But when it comes to salad dressing, well, there most everyone is pleased with Miracle Whip. Yes, it's true. Millions actually prefer Miracle Whip. And no wonder, Miracle Whip has a delightfully different taste. That's because it's a different kind of salad dressing that combines for you the very best qualities of zesty boiled dressing and fine mayonnaise. The recipe for this unique combination is a craft secret, so Miracle Whip's wonderful distinctive flavor simply can't be copied. Peppy, yet not a bit too sharp, Miracle Whip has a really appealing taste most folks agree is perfect. And perfect is the word for Miracle Whip's texture, too. Smooth as silk. It's made possible by a special craft beater. So when you want your salads to please everyone, make them with America's favorite salad dressing. Delicious and smooth Miracle Whip made by craft. Let's get back to the great Gilder's leaves. Our water commissioner has spent a restless night. Now this morning he's called a special meeting of the Jolly Boys Club at Floyd's Barber Shop. By George, if a man's friends can't help him out at a time of need, they don't deserve to be called friends. Darned houseboat, $235. What a slicker that Bronco is. Simple big hearted Bronco. I showed him the ropes and he put them around my neck. Good morning, Gilder. Good morning, Judge. What's the purpose of the special meeting, Gilder? Well, this is the time for all fellow Jolly Boys to rally around, Judge. One of our members is in a pickle. Oh, who is it, Gilder? Me. I'll tell you all about it when we get in the barbershop, Judge. After all, the members will be eager to do whatever they can. Goodness, look at the front of Floyd's barbershop. Circus posters all over the windows. Yeah, last year's circus. I do wish the Jolly Boys Club could have a more dignified place to meet. Say, what if we had a clubhouse, a nice place with a view of the water? What's that, Gilder? Never mind, Judge, you just gave me a beautiful thought. Step inside, old man. Thank you, Gilder. Well, here's the judge and the water commissioner. Greetings, Floyd. Hello, Floyd, and here's Peavey. Well, hello, Mr. Gilder, please. Good, Peavey. Ain't enough chairs for the wall. One of you gents like to take the barber chair? Get a trim while the meeting's on. Kill two birds with one stone. No, thank you, Floyd. Where's the chief? Oh, he couldn't make it, Commissioner. The lock broke on the jail. He's got to stay and watch the prisoners. Well, let's start the meeting, Gilder. We have much time. Yes, I had to close the pharmacy and put up my sign and go on to the bank. I'd have somebody go to the bank and find out what's in there. All right, Peavey. What's this about one of our members being in trouble, Commissioner? You ain't been tapping the till at the water department, have you? No, Floyd. I had a little problem this morning, but I think I've solved it. Is the meeting adjourned? Wait a minute, Peavey. I'm just getting around to the important business. For a long time, we've said that the Jolly Boys Club should have a better place to hold meetings. Oh, my room upstairs ain't good enough, huh? I didn't say that, Floyd. It's just we need more room. Gilder, what are you driving at? Yeah, come to the point. All right, I will. How would you fellas like to be part owners of a beautiful houseboat? What? A house who? Just picture it, fellas. Our own little houseboat tied up at the bank of the river. A Jolly Boys Club house right on the water. Hey, Commissioner, where'd you get this idea? Where'd I get it? Floyd, you know I'm always trying to think of ways to make the club better. Oh, yeah. Gilder, are you suggesting that the club should buy this houseboat? Well, I told Bronco that I would... I mean, it's a great opportunity, Judge. Think of it. On moonlight nights, chairs out on the deck, like a little world all our own, floating in a sea of stars. Makes me a little dizzy. Yep. Well, fellas, just picture the moonlight on the water, twinkling lights on the shore. What a place for singing. Yeah, not bad. The fish couldn't throw rocks at the windows. Can't you just hear our voices floating out over the water? Imagine singing down by the old mill stream with a mill stream right under us. Does make an attractive picture, Gilder. You bet it does. This is the chance of a lifetime, fellas. And we can buy this little boat cheap, dirt cheap. Only $235. $235? Pretty expensive dirt. Yeah. It's a charming idea, Gilder, but the club doesn't have that much money. Now, wait a minute. What about the sinking fund? The sinking fund to buy a houseboat. PV, how about it, fellas? We've got about $50 in the fund that we've been saving up to buy a pool table. Wouldn't you'd rather have a houseboat than a pool table? We could buy it on time. $50 down in the balance-like rent. I'm sure we could. What do you say, fellas? Well, I'll agree if I can be the skipper. Now, wait, judge. This was my idea. Well, how about drawing straws? Good. I'll make the straw. I'll handle the straws. I'll take care of the straws. It was my idea. Why don't we all go over to the soda fountain and I'll finish this straw? Good idea, PV. Come on, fellas. My George, I did it. Gilder Sleeve, you're clever. That's right, Birdie. You seen Bronco? Yes. He took Miss Marge and Leroy down to the Soda Fountain. Let's celebrate Mr. Bronco's big houseboat deal. Oh, that. You know what's up, Miss Kilsie? Mr. Bronco sold you that houseboat. Birdie, he didn't sell it to me. I insisted on buying it. Yes, sir. Ain't many young men as smart as that Mr. Bronco is. Birdie, not that it makes any difference, but I was the one who made the deal. That Mr. Bronco is going places. He's got a head on his shoulder. I know, Birdie. There's a smart young man with a head on his shoulder. All right, Birdie. Miss Kilsie, do you know what that Mr. Bronco got on his shoulder? Yes, Birdie. That's right. Look up on the edges. It'll be on you. Margie. Bronco's been telling us about the wonderful deal on the houseboat. I'm glad he sold it to you. Now, just a minute. What a businessman. Isn't he wonderful, Unkie? Yes, yes. Oh, Mr. Gildersleeve. Hello, Bronco. I've been waiting for you. Well, here I am, Mr. Gildersleeve. Yeah. Well, I wanted to ask you, Bronco. You don't mind if I buy the houseboat on the installment plan. Do you? $50 down so much a month? Oh, no. That's all right. Whatever you say. I'm happy about the whole thing. Smiling businessman. Really, though, Unkie, don't you think Bronco handled this very cleverly? Oh, Margie. Well, as I said before, Bronco did extremely well for a beginner. But now let me explain to you how I handled my side of this deal, Bronco. This is how a really smart businessman operates. I'm listening, Mr. Gildersleeve. I'm eager to learn. Yeah. Good boy. Now, here's what I did. I wanted the houseboat, you see, but I didn't want to invest my own capital. Pretty smart move right there. Absolutely. So I went to the Jolly Boys and convinced them to buy the houseboat for the club. You see how simple it is? I'm the president of the club, so naturally I have the use of the houseboat. And it doesn't cost me a cent. Say, you are clever, Mr. Gildersleeve. What an operator. In fact, I'm taking Miss Milford down there this very evening. I thought we'd sit on the deck a while, take my ukulele, and watch the moon come out. But the moon doesn't come up until after 11 o'clock. We'll wait. Have you been down here before? Oh, sure. I left it over before we bought it. It is pretty dark. Don't you have any lights on it? Oh, yeah, yeah. Two kinds of lights. Sunlight and moonlight. That must be it. Tied up alongside the pier here. Come on, Catherine. Sorry, James Rockmorton. And folding chairs, ukulele, all the comforts of a houseboat. Well, it seems to be a boat. Sure, floats. Here, I'll help you onto the deck. All right. Watch your little steps. I'm right with you. We're floating. I can't see a thing. Well, the moon will be out in a little while. Give me your little hand. We'll go up on the forward deck. Well, all right. What's this on the deck? Rocks? Are you sure this is your boat? Sure. Rocks again. I can't understand how those rocks got here. Well, I hope you know where you're going. I can't see a thing. Me either. But this must be the forward deck. Needs a little sweeping up. Here. I'll set up the reclining chairs. Drop the ukulele. Drop, Morton. Maybe if we just sat on the pier. Pier? No, indeed. By George, I worked hard to get the Jolly Boys to buy this boat. Now we're going to sit on it. Chairs all set. Everything perfect. Sit down, my queen. Where? Right here. Oh, I found it. This is the life, Catherine. Out on the deck of a lovely houseboat. Stars overhead. Rocks under my feet. Well, I'll sweep them off tomorrow. Let's just think of how beautiful it is. The night sky. Sparkling like the inside of a hat full of diamonds. It is lovely. Catherine, listen. I'm listening. Which car? Yes, Rock Morton. This is the moment we've been waiting for. See? Everybody's coming up the pier. Make it easy, judge. That water's wet. I can see, Floyd. I have the flashlight. For goodness' sake, the Jolly Boys. But they aren't coming here, Rock Morton. Now watch yourself, Floyd. Okay. Careful, beauty. Will you watch your own step, judge? John went flying. Deliberately coming down here to ruin our evening. But, Rock Morton, they're going over there. Good. They're lost, getting on the wrong boat. Hey, that sounded like the command. Oop, he heard me. Certainly did. Shine your light on that other boat, judge. Oop, can't find it all. Judge, turn off that flashlight. Why, Gilday, it's you. Yes, it's me. What are you both doing poking around down here? We came down for a frankfurter roast. Frankfurter roast? Judge, you don't even know where the boat is. Yes, we do, Gilday. We're standing on it. You're standing on it? Then where are we? You're sitting on a coal bar. That did it. Give me a piece of that coal. What are you going to do, Rock Morton? I'm going to put a lump on an old goat. Gilday's sleeve will be right back, folks. During the months ahead, you'll probably be serving more buffet suppers than ever. And for that all-important salad course, try this. Prepare a variety of ice cold and fresh, garden vegetables. Tomatoes, cucumbers, celery, carrots, or whatever your favorites. And arrange them on a tray of crispy greens. Then, as the final tempting touch, serve especially good salad dressing. I'd say serve miracle whip. Millions of folks everywhere prefer its lively, teasing flavor. That distinctive taste, they say, is just exactly right. Try it. See if you don't enjoy compliments when your guests enjoy miracle whip. It's comfortable now, Catherine? Yes. Since you've kicked some of the coal in the water. Yeah, and Miss Milford, join us, dolly boys. Here on the houseboat? No, thanks, Horace. Cold dust in my shoes? What a sneaky thing to do to the president. As you get a cold on that barge, Mr. Gildersling, sitting on a ton of coal with his nurse, are you kidding? Wise crackers. Perhaps we should go over, Throckmorton. Wouldn't you enjoy it more on the SS Throckmorton P. Gildersling? Nah. I like it better here with you on the SS John L. Lewis. The Great Gildersling is played by Harold Perry. The show is written by Paul West, John Elliott and Andy White with music by Jack Meakin. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Mary Lee Robb, Lillian Randolph, Kathy Lewis, Dick Crenna, Arthur Q. Bryan, Earl Ross, and Dick LeGrand. This is Jay Stewart saying good night for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of Kraft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of The Great Gildersling Good night. And now we'd like you to meet a very good friend and neighbor, your retail grocer. Because he and his fellow retailers operate so efficiently, we in this country enjoy better meals. Meals that include more fresh fruits, vegetables, meat and dairy products than ever before in history. To all the members of the National Association of Retail Grocers who are holding their 51st annual convention at Chicago this week, the Kraft Foods Company sends warm greetings and best wishes for a successful meeting. Now join the excitement of Break the Bank on M...