 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm John Finasley of johnfinasley.com And I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today the topic the five surprising things men find beautiful in a woman Hope you enjoy this one really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos And if anytime during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be in be seen in the YouTube Algorithms really quickly my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart and occasionally I use Explosives to enhance a sentence so if an f-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea I suggest logging off right now Lastly, these are my thoughts my opinions my perceptions by no means do I suggest this is the truth You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian so much of my advice goes contrary to public opinions Sift it out for yourself and make the decision for yourself. Okay, let's get into the topic of the five surprising things men find beautiful in women or in a woman So when I was preparing for this video I was thinking to myself quite frankly of how often women are Objectified based on their looks this goes back to practically when little girls are being raised They're oftentimes Subjected to so much pressure in the area of the importance of looks and To perpetuate that the importance of looks to attract a man in their life And we have an entire Multi multi multi multi billion dollar industry to subject that subjects women to the belief that they're not Attractive. I mean we have a makeup industry. We have vogue magazine. We have oh my gosh I don't even want to get into some of the celebrities and influence out there that Perpetuate this thing this issue centered around looks create your value I'm gonna repeat that your looks create your value and quite frankly. It's barely It's it's it's it's quite unfair to women to describe their value based on their looks And yet we have been indoctrinated that at least here in the United States Significantly which must make it very difficult for a woman to actually feel beautiful in a relationship, and I'm not suggesting you can I'm just suggesting that this might exist So with that said, you know, let's think about this for a moment oftentimes when you meet in real life Okay, you meet someone in real life if some person walks up to you. It's mostly based on your looks Because they know nothing about you They know nothing about your personality and know nothing about your values They know nothing about your lifestyle. They certainly don't know anything about your emotional maturity. So we literally Start the process of dating based on the premise of attraction based on looks Okay, and yet there is so much more to a person than just their physical Attractiveness and I think you would all agree with that. There's way much more to a person And just like women are objectified based on looks men are objectified to some degree or or Judge based on their status their wealth their height Okay Repeat that their status their wealth their height So men are objectified in a different way than women are women tend to be objectified based on looks and then based on their status and the fact of the matter is this is such a huge societal thing that it makes it incredibly difficult to genuinely connect with another human being in the dating mating and relating realm and Today I want to lean into something beyond the looks that actually men genuinely do find attractive Now I will say this if you're currently in the dating market if you're currently putting yourself out there Looks is an important function of this Let's be real ladies You're attracted to men based on their looks and men are attracted to you based on your looks So and a and the real challenge today, especially for those of us in midlife is as we age our looks start to fade a little bit and Worst most people don't do a good job taking care of themselves physically they eat poor foods and they Rarely exercise so we so to some degree as we age We're seeing this huge population of singles out there looking for love because there's this been boom of divorces that hits right around age 40 so the demographic that I lean into that midlife demographic Is a significant percentage or divorce and that percentage of people? Haven't done a good job taking care of themselves, and I'm just drawing attention to what I see out there and I hear complaints from both sides of the aisle Repeat I hear complaints on both sides of the aisle I hear women complaining about men and their looks and I hear men complaining about women about their looks But the reality is as I said a moment ago a human being is much more than just their physical Attractiveness and that's why we're gonna lean into today those five surprising things that men find beautiful in women And I hope that all of you are hitting all cylinders and what about to share So I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses, and we're going to take a look at my notes the five surprising things guys find Find beautiful in a woman Now the first one I wrote down is what I call beginner's mind Beginners mind and As a person who's out there in the dating realm as well as most of you Is I've noticed over the years that I've gone on dates with women And I'm sitting across from them at a at a restaurant or at a bar or something And I literally can see every man that's ever hurt her standing right behind her Repeat that every man that's ever hurt her is literally standing right behind her. I see this frequently I've heard this from many of my friends So many people go into the dating realm, especially as they are in midlife With a lot of pain a lot of hurt on the inside and that hurt is being perpetuated on an Energetic level which actually can turn someone off and make you less attractive to the opposite sex This is why I'm such a big proponent of not spending too much time on those on those forums and sites that continually talk about narcissism and bad behavior in men because what that's going to do is going to project all of that Anger and frustration on the inside you may not even Cognitively know that you're doing this but you're projecting hurt and pain and what men find beautiful or at least let me just say Emotionally healthy men. Let me let me demonstrate emotionally healthy men emotionally unhealthy men go after wounded birds Because they're often times the easiest to score and that's not who you want to be and that's not the men you want But what I'm saying about beginner's mind is you actually go on a first date with someone or you spend time with someone Literally open-hearted open-minded listen, we all have pains and hurts So I get it and yet if we can release the pains and hurts of the past We make room for someone to enter our life and I got to tell you that is very Sexy and that is very beautiful if you can approach the process with beginner's mind Does this make sense? Is it sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know Okay, number two You're not in your head. You're in your body I think one of the most beautiful things I have a friend of mine Who's my Pilates instructor and I go to her three times a week and she's always dancing. She's always moving She's not in her head. She's in her body And I think that's a very beautiful trait within a woman who is Expressive with her hands and actually moves with that sense of now She happens to be a former dancer and she says she just naturally does that she has a ballerina in her But yet I love people that have that They're they're not in their head all the time and let me just say something ladies I know you're hearing from me of other dating coaches that that's considered masculine energy Let's throw out the fucking label the masculine and feminine and let's just call it what it is You're in your fucking head. You're over analyzing. You're overthinking and folks. I am so ridiculously guilty of this myself I Because I I am a junkie for human behavior when I'm junkie. I mean I I study human behavior I'm fascinated with human behavior. So I am often lines in my head as well This is one of the reasons why every morning when I get up I jam the music and I dance in my living room at 5 30 in the morning just to release the energy Just to release that energy because it's beautiful healthy energy There is nothing that I think is more beautiful than people that have music in their soul And they express that music outward in the way they move and I believe that's highly beautiful And I know lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of men who feel the same way All right number three put back on the glasses. Oh What kind of piggybacks on what I'm saying, but silly with her humor or play She's not too serious now. I'm thinking in particular of one friend of mine who She was at a bar this was years ago. Maybe a decade ago She was at a bar and she saw this very attractive guy. So it was based on looks okay She saw this very attractive guy And to get his attention she took an ice cube out of her Cocktail that she was drinking and threw it at him just threw it at him And he he was startled by it, but he he he was you know, we'll startle by it And then he walked up to her and they started a conversation They ended up having a you know, they ended up having a great night They went dancing that night and then they had another date and another date and they started dating Quite frankly, he was quite a bit younger than her So it didn't work out because he did eventually want a family and she was already had children and whatnot But the point is she was playful Patting a guy, you know, like it I'm oftentimes thinking of what young girls do to young boys It's just kind of pat them in a playful way. I find that very sexy I find that beautiful and to the extent that it's not abusive in any way or it's not crossing a boundary I'm not suggesting anything like that. I'm just suggesting since simply silly humorous, you know Folks I'm thinking back to a date. I didn't have too long ago. I had recently And we totally laughed for five straight hours Her person her sense of humor was jiving with mine and I gotta tell you I find that at least for myself And I know many women feel the same way is that humor is a great connector of two people So that's and I like silly humor. That just happens to be my forte Actually, I have warp sense of humor and I have sarcastic I mean, I got the a full gamut of sense of humor But I'm I'm here to say silly play is very beautiful to most men number four And this one is really serious because I see too many women I think there's too much makeup and too much plastic surgery Let me repeat that too much makeup and too much plastic surgery I've I've spoken to my guy friends who are in relationship and one of the things they all said is that they appreciate that their partners Don't wear a lot of makeup. It's more natural with just a tiny little bit And yet these days and I see this more with younger women Well, quite frankly with women in midlife as well Is it's literally caked on and god forbid the the plastic surgery with the the duct lips The duct lips. Oh my god these days I see too many women who have overdone it in the plastic surgery area And men don't genuinely listen We might temporarily find that attractive But only and for some of them that have these gigantic breasts that are about the size of two basketballs and such I'm telling you it might be You know temporarily attractive. I don't find that one bit attractive but temporarily attractive But that's not what they're going to see because you're hiding your beauty And I'm not listen. I'm all in favor of a tuck here a tuck there. I I have friends who've had their eyes done I've had friends that done liposuction. I'm not judging that It's the too much that's being done And quite frankly you've seen this with a lot of celebrities that have done too much plastic surgery And some of them have absolutely ruined their faces And they're no longer You know, I I understand they're trying to retain their youth, but they're no longer as exciting. I mean, I think You know just simple things Can go a long way. That's just my perception on this. Everybody's a little bit different But let me just repeat this. I'm not a fan of duct lips duct lips duct lips And number five and this is probably the most critical one Ladies you have a propensity to give your power away to men And which gives off an air of insecurity and that is not attractive when you give your power away to men when you make your entire Relationship Waiting for the man to make all the decisions I gotta tell you ladies men appreciate the effort on your part if you want to talk to them just You know Text them pick up the phone I don't know how many ladies talk to me and say I haven't heard from my boyfriend in a week And I'm like have you reached out to him? No, he's supposed to reach out to me Folks if you want to be in a healthy happy relationship, then you better start thinking of it like a two lane street You're traveling down the road together in your separate cars before you join cars together and you're going at the same pace So if you're giving your power away, and I know you've been indoctrinated this since caveman period And now it's time to step into your power. One of the reasons why I wrote my book What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? It's a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work So you can step into your power and not give your power away to men Ladies, I know you all love the idea that men are the leaders of the relationship And all you just have to do is sit back and you're feminine energy in the memo What planet does that happen on you're sitting back And he's going to claim you. Yeah, he might chase you for sex He might temporarily claim you but men aren't attracted to women who just sit back and do nothing I'm repeat that we are not attractive to women attracted to women who sit back Well, some men are but those are emotionally unhealthy men I'm talking about though emotionally healthy men are attracted to women who make effort in the relationship process And I got to tell you something I've done a study with 15 000 men and they say that their one one area They appreciate so much is when a woman makes genuine continual genuine effort in the dating process So it's not on all the guy that includes compliments that includes planning dates that includes paying for dates that includes reaching out Now listen, I know a lot of you ladies are dealing with men who are dysfunctional I'm not talking about those men I'm talking about those emotionally healthy men that look beyond the surface of looks and sex And want a true heart connection with another human being And if you're not familiar with the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman I highly recommend reading this book so you can understand the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship So you can piggyback what I've shared here today with you Because the fact is and by the way my hope by the way everything I just shared goes both ways I mean we should say what do women find attractive in men Now emotionally unhealthy women want men to be the leaders They want men to do all the work so they can just sit back and have feminine energy I know emotionally unhealthy women are attracted to that I'm talking those emotionally healthy women who want genuine partnership in their relationship They want a relationship of a two lane street So what they find beautiful in a man is quite frankly much the similar that I've shared here today Maybe just a little bit different but mostly similar All right, is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know hit that like button right now to let me know This is sinking in also put an amen in the comment So I know this is sinking in and it's now time to take questions All right, so for those who are listening to the recording right now You won't be able to see this this is only for those who are on the live stream right now In the live stream, there's a chat box right there where you can post a question Simply write the word question and post a question there after if you have a question for me Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign there and if you purchase a super sticker super chat The monies go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor as like that's a picture of him right there connor My little homie my little salty connor passed away a few years ago So in his honor, I've created a scholarship fund to help defray the cost of personal development for those who want to work with me And I also donate to the personal development charities that are near and dear to me We've already collected over 2 000 dollars in the fund and I'd really like to get that up to 5 000 So purchase a super sticker super chat right now with the little dollar sign right there All right, it's time to take questions So I'm going to put on my trusty glasses And if you have a question write the word question then post the question thereafter This is the best part of the live stream It's the part I love the most and my hope is you feel the same way on this friday night um I was just sharing though before we get question. Oh, here we go. Here's a question All right question from gene Is there something in me that attracts the kind of man that is okay? Being totally financially dependent on me. Is there something in me? um Well, I guess how do you pre qualify the men you go out with in other words? How do you pre qualify their financial status now? Here's the thing folks? I believe that what's most important is that each human being has the ability to financially take care of themselves Whether they're in a relationship or not. I can take care of my life You can take care of your life because when we commingle our funds together and start to share some Some of the expenses we actually are left over with extra money From that perspective. So I don't know if it's that you're attracting men who are financially dependent on you I think it's you're choosing men who are financially dependent on you now How do we pre qualify? Well, we try to find out what they do for a living We try to get a sense of their past experience quite frankly I'm in favor of talking about money earlier rather than later going back to the book eight dates by dr John and julie dotman chapter two. No, excuse me chapter four Money that's one of the most important topics ladies before the penis goes inside the vagina Maybe you might want to have a conversation about money because it takes money to make the dating process works It takes money to make the relationship process work So i'm here to suggest you might want to talk about money Soon around later, but jonathan that would feel like an interrogation and every other dating coach tells me not to interrogate someone Folks we should be interrogating everybody The fact of the matter is or let me reframe that you should be pre qualifying your prospect heavily listen this Cavalier way of dating is only causing a lot more frustration in people's lives And that is because most of you've been indoctrinated in the belief that chemistry equals relationship success And if you haven't seen my my relationship iceberg The tip of the iceberg is chemistry and I finally spelled it properly after not realizing I did That's that's attraction below the water line is compatibility shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity That's and and by the way, we become more attracted to a person who shares our values whose lifestyles blend and they're emotionally mature Here's the thing. We're all suckling on the nipple of I need to be attracted to someone to feel good about them And so I'm here to say that We should be Interrogating people now. I say that tongue-in-cheek What I mean to say is ask really good questions And so what if you scare someone off if someone says oh my god I feel like I was interrogated on this date go you were I did I'm not gonna let your penis into my vagina until I don't until I know more about you So if you have a problem with that go fuck off buddy I listen I'm the contrarian in this group. I'm a believer of radical honesty Who believes in radical honesty write the words radical honesty in the comments section to let me know You believe that it's better to be radically honest instead of this timid way of dating most people are doing And that's just my perception on that so thank you so much Wow, we just got a hundred dollar super sticker from Heidi. Whoa. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Wow And I noticed that we have margaret with a ten dollar super sticker Oh the Connor asley scholarship fund is so fucking excited And yes, I can see gene says radical honesty and margaret says radical honesty and kerry says radical honesty And kitkat says radical honesty All right kelly says dating is an interview with food be Discerning and ask lots of questions filter out exactly by the way I try to get a lot of questions out of the way on the telephone That's a great time because then if you get a bunch of questions out of the way on the telephone You can then enjoy yourself on the date I do this all the time. I'm testing women all the time I'm actually testing for emotional maturity because quite frankly ladies as much as you think men are emotionally unavailable and emotionally immature You women are equally bad at emotional maturity. And if you haven't seen my emotional maturity relationship skills chart You can see here clinical what that means is 20% of the by the way, this is not a fact. This is my opinion I believe 20% of the population has clinical issues Narcissism bipolar borderline depression. I mean some real significant issues in their life And that might even be higher than 20% and then roughly 20% of people are healthy Now when I say 20% folks, I'm being ridiculously Generous when I say 20% I'm not sure it's even close to 20% But let's give it the benefit of the doubt and then the vast majority of people are dysfunctional And I'm I'm dysfunctional too. I say stupid shit. I do all kinds of things I stick my foot in my mouth from a place of dysfunctionality. So listen, I know many of you Think you're better than everyone else. You're superior than everyone else. Listen, we are suckling on the nipple of Of specialness here in the united states We have a lot of righteous Egotistical people here. We also have equally as many doormats and people that have some real serious issues Emotional maturity basically is simply this your actions consistently match your words You take personal responsibility for your choices You know how to fight fair means that you have good listening skills and good communication skills You have empathy not empathy is meaning I can feel someone's feelings Empathy is you care about someone's feelings and most importantly, you care about your own feelings and lastly transparency And quite frankly if people operated from these five levels plus if we included the book the four agreements The four agreements the four agreements Four agreements be impeccable with your word always do your best People's perception of you is oftentimes a projection From them and lastly don't make assumptions and if you operate from my five signs of emotional maturity in this You are far ahead of the game than the dysfunctional crowd. That's mostly out there and ladies I'm dealing with dysfunctional women just like you're dealing with dysfunctional men All right That's one of my rants. So thank you so much um Cat says what should I ask him on a first date? Ask him how big his penis is. Oh my god, jonathan. I can't believe you said that I'm just making that up. I just like to be a little bit of a brat You know ask what feels right for you ask him about his life ask him about his passions Ask him about his professional life just ask and then do what's called drilling down So if someone said jonathan What why are you know, what inspired you to become a dating coach? What inspired you to become a dating coach and I share the story and then go Tell me more tell me more tell me more tell me more Drill down When we can drill down we're actually demonstrating that we're trying to get into someone's heart Now if you're not familiar with um This meme i've shared i'm going to share a meme with you all so bear with me one second Okay, folks. I can't stand trivial conversations. I can't stand trivial conversations I like this meme it says I hate small talk Let's see I want to talk about adam's death alien sex magic intellect the meaning of life far away galaxies uh The music that makes you feel different memories the lies you've told your flaws your favorite sense your childhood What keeps you up at night? Um your insecurities and fears. I like people with depth who speak with a twisted mind Uh, I don't want to know what's up We are literally most dating conversation is how's your day? How's your day going? Is your day going good? I hope your day is going going out really. Did you have a good day? Hey wishing you a better day I hope you have a better day than me. I mean, that's the gist of most conversations these days oh And ladies you are just as bad at being conversational as men So i'm by the way men are fucked up women are fucked up. I'm an equal opportunity judge of both sexes I just believe most people are fucked up. It's a matter of degrees, but then that's me. So I hate surface conversations just like jennifer says I hate surface questions. I like questions of depth um And where can you get that mean pleasant valley just type in I hate small talk and then put meme thereafter Um dysfunctional men should a woman offer much leeway to a man who is Severe ptsd is partially deaf from several tours of combat. He's a gentleman Well, you just said he's a gentleman. So if he's a gentleman You know, we can have also folks people are fucked up But that doesn't mean that they're not capable of being in a relationship It just means we have to be more compassionate. This is why I highly highly highly highly highly highly highly recommend reading the book If the buddha dated if the buddha dated Folks If we could start dating from a spiritual perspective and not a judgment based perspective We are going to have a lot more fun in the process And i'm here to say if you can actually operate with that beginner's mind that I shared before You're going to have a greater chance of having success Than the judgment and lack of compassion most people have you said he's a gentleman. That's all you need to know Now does that mean that shit isn't going to rear its ugly head? Absolutely. It's going to Find someone if if they're a true gentleman, then they actually know how to communicate From an emotionally healthy place or at least we hope so so give it a shot. Listen We can always say no, but we should try to find reasons to say yes Let me just say that we should try to find reasons to say yes. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know All right Carrie leg says what do you do when both people have huge difference in politics? You know what I say run as fast as you can folks Here in the united states. We have become a very divided country I mean we're on the borderline of a civil war practically and what what someone's politics oftentimes demonstrates their ideology Now in my belief system anyone is too far to the right or anyone is too far to the left I can't stand people like that. I have an aversion to people whose ideology is too far one way or another way This is just me And I typically find people whose ideology is extreme Oftentimes are very closed-minded And I can't stand closed-minded people. This is why one of the questions I ask women on a date I ask them What do you think of our current journalism system that it's part of quite a bit? opinionate based journalism on the three major networks being msnbc Fox and cnn and what are your thoughts on that? I love asking that question because this will tell me Where they fall in this category and if they're open-minded or closed-minded now I have a judgment and a belief that most news organizations are ridiculously almost Belligerently opinionated and I believe it's very destructive to our ability to gain information It's very very very very very very biased. So I want to talk to a woman and says yes I agree with that the news is fucked up Versus, you know cnn tells the truth because they have real experts on there cnn tells the truth because they have a fox tells the truth because they have real experts on there I throw up now if I pissed off some of my audience. Hey knock yourself out. I'm not your guy I just happen to share I can't stand closed-minded personalities and a great way to find this out Is politics and religion are great I actually avoided a first date with the woman because we talked about politics right from the get-go And I knew this woman was closed-minded I'm probably a little closed-minded too, but I'm open in my closed-mindedness Where I'm closed-minded is I can't stand closed-minded people Anyway, that's just my rough thoughts. Um, let me know what you think in the comments below All right Don't forget to purchase a super stick or super chat like those lovely two folks did. I really appreciate it Someone says what is Jonathan having tonight? I want what he's having I masturbated earlier. Does that count? Did you yet Listen, I don't hold back folks. I call you listen. I'm almost an open book. I kind of wear my I'm transparent. I just call it the way I see it. Okay Um, I'd like to think I have a rational mind, but I call it the way I see it And the fact of the matter is I'm a red-blooded guy I I certainly am attracted to someone from a physical sense going back to the original quest or the original post I've stuck my foot in my mouth. Oh, I've embarrassed myself so bad in front of women on a first date I can't begin to tell you so folks don't ever put me up on a pedestal as being the quintessential guy I'm riddled with flaws just like any human being In fact, I think I'm going to do another uh mushroom journey this weekend I actually I'm going to do a journey this weekend to piggyback on what I did last weekend Because I recognize I have to forgive myself for something I did say something to a woman recently that was so Selfish and so myopic and so I was in you know, I was just I don't you want to go into the particulars So I want to do a mushroom journey this weekend to do a healing To do a forgiveness healing I find that the medicine helps break down the egoic part of my personality and allows me to really connect with my part Because I have some forgiveness to do for myself and I invite you all To do forgiveness for yourself if you're not familiar with the hawaiian forgiveness prayer known as the hapono pono pono pono Type in hawaiian forgiveness prayer in google And the prayer goes like this I love you I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you like giving yourself a shot of love Because that's what love would do and that's how love would respond and I want you all to start giving yourself an injection of love I want you all to start loving on yourself. And by the way, there's a link to get my book Oh, by the way, if you want to learn also how to ask better questions in the dating process I highly recommend scheduling a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you My area of expertise is teaching you how to vet for compatibility So you can start asking better questions based on your personality. So check out the link below to that But to continue with what I shared about forgiveness I share I say that forgiveness prayer to myself every single day 10 times a day 20 times a day because Nobody beats themselves up more than I do. Let me repeat that. Nobody beats themselves up more than I do I crucify myself on the cross almost every day Feeling like I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable And you know is and and by the way, I do have a good sense of self-esteem I have a good sense of self-love and yet I'm not perfect I'm riddled with flaws just like anyone else and anyone who acts perfect in my opinion They're more fucked up that they let themselves on to be but that's another conversation For another time. All right Let's see what we have to say Elaine says I like telling a guy off if he's disrespectful. There you go Um sass says emotionally healthy men are unicorns by the way sass and emotionally healthy women Are the true unicorns because I I meet so very few so with that said I just like to find a guy with a few dents a few well-traveled miles A leather seats are worn and feels like a butter There you go sass and let me just repeat women as well as men Mary Ann says, what do you think I'm on youtube? I don't watch tv anymore. There you go Vivian says mushroom journey. Yeah, I'm excited It's a last minute decision all right Oh em thank you Maggie says what's a mushroom journey? Do me a favor type in mushroom magic mushrooms. You'll find out Maggie Yes, I'm feeling frisky tonight Getting ready to go out with some dear friends of mine tonight. We're going out to an awesome restaurant in hollywood cold. Um Isabella's uh very upscale very cool. So I'm very excited about that. Joanne says amen Uh kelly says there are emotionally healthy men and women out there. We just have to work on self more Yes, self love self love self love All right Perfection is a shame in disguise. Oh, that's an interesting way of looking at perfection is shame in disguise. I like that Pleasant valley says magic mushrooms are indeed magical All right, do we have any questions purchase the super sticker super chat Jen says honestly, you are freaking hilarious. Can't stop laughing. Thank you for being real come to san francisco Folks if you want to host An event in your city and you can cover the cost of me coming out there I will happily speak at any of your women's group You cover the cost for me to get out there and I do fly first class and put up my hotel room I don't need to be paid for the event. I'll come out if you just cover the cost So if you want to do that make it happen Jen or anyone else that wants to have me speak at their women's group or men's group Or whatever. I am happy to do it all right Be enthusiastic says When I started applying the self love I become a better version of myself I watch videos about spirituality little by little like set myself. I forgive myself easily. I go. Um, let go immediately. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes When is your next book coming out my next book is called compassionate dating while why Modern romance needs a makeover, but I'm still on the high of look at this book was birth This book was actually I was writing the book called compassionate dating why modern romance needs a makeover And then connor passed away. There he is again And in my grief My grief I felt so compelled to write a book about self love And and really the importance of love as our way to navigate life This is why I'm a big proponent if you haven't read the book return to love by mary and williamson I highly highly recommend reading this Why i'm sharing this connor was the inspiration because connor broke my heart open Into not just loving myself, but wanting to be a Conduit for individuals to love more. So I want to ride this wave of this book for a bit longer It thankfully it's in the top 20 000 of books on amazon. I want to thank you all that's purchased a copy If you have purchased a copy send me a picture with you at holding my book Write a review that would mean a lot to me But for now I want to ride the wave of everybody loving on themselves Before we get into the dating conversation more so because at the end of the day It doesn't matter if you meet the right guy What matters is you meet the right you and that's my invitation for you. Can I get an amen? Oops Sorry those armpits stains. Oh my god. I was embarrassed Ooh, that smells bad. I better take a shower before I go out. All right So China yes, this is live um Virginia says love your energy tonight Melanie says amen China says am she also says lol um The world needs more love all you need is love All you need is love Ba ba na na na all you need is love love. Oh my god. My singing voice is terrible Thank you for accommodating me there because I really do have a terrible singing voice All right, we're going to take one more question. So we're going to go swimming real quick Uh decklands world says question How do you find available how do you find available men when you live in a city where there aren't any men in your age group Should I consider moving? It's been 10 years and nothing so So you're telling me you're telling me there's not one man in your age group. There's not two men in your age group There's not three men in your age group. I mean, do you live in a college? Are you 50 years old and live in a college town? Are you um 20 years old and you live in a retirement community? Which one is it? Because the vast there are plenty of people in our age group. What you're really saying is I'm not attracted to the people in my age group. How do I find the people that I'm attracted to that's usually the question Listen, you can move to a city where there's an abundance more people But you're still gonna have to do this. You're gonna have to put yourself out there on the dating apps And you're gonna have to make effort so You know what? I'm not a big fan of moving But I'm but if you feel the need to be in a city with more people then do it Just do it. They're everywhere At least here in the united states. They're in new york. They're in los angeles. They're in miami. They're in dallas They're in chicago. They're in bumpfuck egypt. They're everywhere So that's my invitation for you anyway um Vivian says what did you say that women That women that you need forgiveness for so I shared earlier. I need to forgive myself For my unconscious behavior recently my myopic behavior um Now i'm judging my behavior, but i'm beating myself up So the forgiveness is the shame I feel over saying something stupid To a person and i'm really beating myself up for that I beat myself for all kinds of things the grammatical air when I someone told me I misspelled chemistry Oh my god, I beat myself up and it was just an unconscious thing But I crucified myself over that so i'm here to say that I continually Do forgiveness prayers as a way to give myself An injection of love an injection of love Because I need love every day I know you need love every day and the best way to get love is to give it to yourself first Just like the oxygen mask on and the airplane give yourself the oxygen of love first Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know by giving me an amen Purchase a super sticker super chat right now I'm gonna look to take one more question and we're gonna wrap up Oh me just purchased a super sticker. Thank you so much Mary Ann said did you sabotage with this woman that you want forgiveness because you feel guilty to be happy? um I believe that there's a possibility that I sabotaged it Because maybe it was my intuition thinking it isn't the right person for me. That's one possibility Maybe I sabotaged it because I'm not really ready to be in a relationship. That's one possibility um What's most important is I did apologize for my behavior and I did try to remedy it. Let me repeat that I apologize for my behavior and I did try to remedy it And and to the extent we're still in a holding pattern on that But I'm here to say I beat myself up and so I just want to forgive myself for my beating myself up as well All right. Thank you for asking that. I really appreciate it And this is going to be our last one for the day Maggie says thank you for all you do Cheers to Connor asley fun. Yay Connor oh my little cutie pie Oh now I'm gonna cry um folks Terry says who gives a shit about those armpits stains. I do I'm embarrassed I'm gonna go out tonight and dress up and hopefully it'll look really hot Um, but what's beautiful? Let's recap that Beginner's mind is very sexy Number two not being in your head being in your body Number three being silly playful sense of humor Number four not too much makeup and not too much plastic surgery and number five being in your empowered self That is what men find beautiful. Thank you maria for the super sticker That's what men find beautiful and that's my invitation for you all right now is to find that Interview and express it outward so the men can see who you are Without the walls without the mask without the makeup if you will Because when we can actually see someone for who they are that is true intimacy into me you see Into me you see into me you see into me you see and I invite everyone to practice Which is vulnerability authenticity and transparency and I promise you If you speak from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person All right. I hope you found value in this. Please post a comment below if this resonated with you Purchase the super sticker super chat before we wrap up As always, uh, I'd love to hear your thoughts So I do my best to read all the comments if you're listening to the replay replay I hope you found value in this tonight. Go out and make it a great evening have some fun And I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic joth americ of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye to hidey. Bye to bridge. Bye to pleasant valley. Bye to Shawna. Bye to glenn. Bye to marguerite. Bye to robin. Bye to vivian. Bye to melanie. Bye to barba. Bye to kimberley Bye everyone. Have a great evening. Go out and have some fun tonight