 J. E. S. Health. Health. Oh! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris in his orchestra. The orchestra opens a program with Swing is Here to Sway from Alibaba Goes to Town. We make quite a point of asking you to insist on Jell-O by name when you buy. And here's a postal card from one of our listeners that I think will show you why we do that. It's from Mrs. H. E. Chirer of Lovington, Illinois. Here's what she says. She recently tried another brand that was guaranteed to be as good as Jell-O and founded a complete failure as to taste and quality. I really want you to know I consider Jell-O and only Jell-O. Well, Mrs. Chirer is right. There is only one Jell-O. And if you hear some other gelatin dessert called Jell-O, you know that is incorrect. Well, the name Jell-O is a trademark, the property of general foods, and that name tells you that you're getting the real thing. The one and only genuine Jell-O with the delicious extra-rich fruit flavor. So if you want Jell-O's rich fruit goodness and tempting beauty, don't accept any substitutes. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. This way played by Phil Harrison, his orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a man who owns a watch, comma, a violin, comma, and an automobile question mark. Jack Benny. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny talking. And Don, when you said automobile question mark, I presume you were alluding to my Maxwell. Were you not? Yes, Jack, I'm afraid I was. Well, Don, you can have your little fun. It's all right. Maxi and I can take it. I love every rattle in this dear little chassis. Well, did you drive it down tonight, Jack? Yes, Don, I drove right to the studio and everything was fine. Mary was with me and I had no trouble at all. Did I marry? Not with me, you didn't. I'm talking about the car. What about that flat tire you had? Flat tire? Say, you could hardly feel it. Believe me. Anyway, my tires, my tires were awfully thin. Well, what happened? Jack ran over a marshmallow and got a puncture. Well, no wonder it was toasted. You forgot to mention that. Why didn't you change the tire, Jack? Because I haven't any tools, Phil, that's why. You haven't got any tools? No, I gave them to my sister for a charm bracelet. Well, that's a novel gift. How does she like it? Oh, fine, but she can't get her arm off the floor. Jack, are you still keeping up the payments on that car? What's that, Don? The audience was laughing. I didn't quite get them. You might as well wait for a laugh, you know, kid. Well, what I said, Jack, is are you still keeping up the payments on that car? Well, I, uh... Tell them what happened yesterday, Jack. Oh, it was nothing. Well, what was it, Mary? Well, we were riding down Wilshire Boulevard and Jack nearly fainted. Why? The car broke down right in front of the finance company. Well, I was going there anyway. Then why did you get out and run? Because. That's why. Guys, I don't know what's the matter with you, fellas. You're always picking on Jack. Thanks, Kenny. You think he was the only deadbeat in the world? That's telling him. You said it. Oh, quiet. You've got more important things to do tonight than to discuss me. You said it. So now, ladies and gentlemen, as we announced last week, we're... Come in. Hiya, Buck! Oh, hello, Andy. How to see Andy. You haven't been around for a couple of weeks. Well, Buck, we've been pretty busy getting ready for the holiday. Oh, that's right, Jack. Thursday is Thanksgiving. I almost forgot. Well, Ma didn't hear. Buck, here's a turkey she sent over for you. A turkey? Gee, I was wondering what you had in that basket. Let me look. Oh, it's a live one. Thanks, Andy. You're welcome. Gee, that's a tough-looking bird. How will I kill it? Well, don't use an axe. We tried it four times. Oh, yes, I see those notches on its neck. But no kidding, Andy, the turkey really that tough. Taff it, Chester. Bull, clear out of the barn. You're a fine present to give me. If I can't eat it, what am I going to do with it? It'll make you a darn good watchdog. Say, there's an idea. Yeah, tie it to your car. You won't have to lock it. You know, Andy, this gang has been riving me about that Maxwell of mine, but it doesn't faze me, though. Say, that reminds me, Buck, every time you talk about that car, yours paw slams off the radio. He does. What's your paw got against the Maxwell? He courted more in one. Oh, I'm sorry, Andy. I didn't mean to revive any unpleasant memories. Anyway, I'm glad you got here early, because tonight we're going to do a big plane. We've got to get started on it right away. Are we all set, fellas? All right, Andy. All right, boys, let's settle down. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as we announced last week, for our feature attraction tonight, we are going to present our version of Columbia Pictures' phenomenal success, that Frank Capra production, Lost Horizon. Now, um... Now, in our version of Lost Horizon... All right, boy, that's enough. In our version, we will all portray our own characters. That is, I will be Jack Benny, Mary will be Mary, and Don will be Jello. And Don, huh? Yes, and I'll be cute enough to eat. Yeah. Mary, pour some whipped cream over Don and put him in a dish. What'll I use? The rose bowl? That's a good idea. Hey, Buck, am I in this? Of course, Andy. What character would you like to play? Well, I'd like to wrestle with Ronald Coleman's part. Oh, you would. I'd like to wrestle with Coleman. Quiet. And now, folks, in our play Lost Horizon... Now, cut it out now. Will you put that thing down? Okay. Don, that's sound, man. Now, let's get on with our play. By the way, Jack, what does Lost Horizon mean? Well, Mary, it's, uh... Well, it's a sort of, uh... Oh, Don, do you know what Lost Horizon means? To whom? To whom? To you. That's to whom. To whom? Well, I don't know. Don't ask me. Well, I want to find out. I'm going to ask Kenny. Kenny? What are you laughing at? Oh, nothing, Kenny. Go ahead, ask him, Mary. He'll make him feel good. All right. Say, Kenny, what does Lost Horizon mean? Well, uh... Lost Horizon is symbolic of the utopia that we mortals are forever seeking in our eternal quest for happiness. Why, Kenny! What was that? Kenny feigned it! Quick! Get a glass of water! Kenny, Kenny! Play, Phil! Kenny! Kenny! I was all mine, Phil! This is the Benny program starring Jack Jell-O with Mary Strawberry. This is the last number of artists and models. Buck Maxwell rides again. What is it? I am here to grant your wish and ease your troubled mind to take you away to a place where there is nothing but happiness. I will give you peace and relaxation. Who are you? My name is Chang! Chang! I am here to help you, my son. Gee, Mr. Chang, didn't I see you in a picture last night called Lost Horizon? Yes. By the way, how did you like me in it? I thought you were swell. How did you like me in artists and models? I am here to help you, my son. Oh! Come with me! And we will journey to the land of eternal youth, the everlasting bliss. Gee! Let earthly paradise where all is serene. Gosh! Let garden spot of the universe! If you're a real estate man, I'll scream. Here not, my son. Here not. I am taking you to Shangri-La. Shangri-La! Come with me. Wait! Shall we go on my Maxwell? Your Maxwell? Ah-ha-ha! Look, Mr. Chang! What happened? Where are we? We are in Shangri-La, my son. Gaze upon its majestic beauty. Behold its shimmering splendor. Peace theorize upon its peaceful tranquility. Oh! This is so beautiful. So wonderful. Ain't it the nuts? Oh! How romantic this place is. How charming. How utterly utter. You ain't seen nothing yet. Gee! I can't get over it, Mr. Chang. Everybody looks so youthful. Eternal youth. That is the secret of Shangri-La. Oh, look! Look at that beautiful young girl coming toward us. That is my wife. She's 385 years old. 385. My! What a nice figure. And such broad shoulders. Yes. She just had her hands on it. Oh! How romantic this place is. How charming. How utterly utter. You ain't seen nothing yet. Gee! Yes. She just had her hips lifted. Oh, I see. Come here, my dear. I want you to meet Mr. Benny. Hello, Junior. Hello, Mrs. Chang. Gee, I can't believe that you're 385. My husband is 390. And this is our son, Clambake. Clambake? What a name. He doesn't like it either. Uh-huh. Say hello to Mr. Benny. Hello. I'm 312. Stripped or with your clothes on? You know, Mr. Chang? You know, Mr. Clambake? What a name. He doesn't like it either. Uh-huh. Say hello to Mr. Benny. Hello. I'm 312. Stripped or with your clothes on? You know, Mr. Chang, I think I'm going to like it here. Everyone likes it here, my boy. Or in Shangri-La, every wish comes true. Isn't that amazing? Say, who's that man standing over there with those five boys? Eddie Cantor. Ah, Shangri-La! Wait a minute. Am I seeing things? Can that be Andy Devine coming toward us? Yes. That's him. Hello, Andy. Hi, Buck. Why, Andy? That doesn't sound like you. Well, I'll tell you, Buck, every time I come to Shangri-La, my throat clears up and my voice is as clear as a bell. Well, that's the most unbelievable thing yet. Say, Buck, remember what I used to sound like this? Hi, you, Buck! Yes, I do. But I'm all right now. So am I! Get together, boys. Tell me, Mr. Chang, what miracle causes such a change? It is no miracle, my son. You see this fountain here? Yeah, yeah. Anyone who drinks of its waters immediately acquires a voice of silvery tone. You mean if I drank a glass of water from this fountain, my voice would improve? Yes. And I could sing? Even better than Kenny Baker. As good will be enough. Then just take half a glass. Here. Oh, boy. The deal is taste good. Me, me, me, me, me. I feel it working. Listen, Mr. Chang. Thank you, everybody. Congratulations, my boy, it was splendid. Oh, Mr. Chang, these compliments. I really don't deserve them. I'll say you don't. Why, Kenny, what are you doing in Shangri-La? Is that where I am? Yes, Kenny, in Shangri-La. Where every wish comes true. Oh, boy, I wish I had a ham sandwich. A ham sandwich? Is that all you can wish for? All right, put mustard on it. One ham coming up, smear it. Isn't that wonderful? Hi, Jack, old boy. How do you like it here? Phil. She is good to see you. Mr. Chang, you know Phil Harris, don't you? Sure. He comes down here every weekend. Never told me. Are you having a good time, Phil? Am I? You know, Jack, I was out to lunch with the cutest little girl. What a honey. Cute, huh, Phil? How did you happen to meet her? She went to school with my grandmother. No kidding. Has she got a friend? Yeah, but I got rid of him. So long, Jack. Goodbye. Come, my boy. It is growing late, and I have promised to present you to the High Lama. He is 900 years old. 900 years old. Isn't he awfully wrinkled? No, we have impressed once a week. Well, I'd love to meet him. Say, is that him standing over there addressing that crowd? No, that is one of our famous orators who swears the multitude with his every word. Shall we? Let's. And so, my friends, again I say to you, Jello is the finest, the most economical of all gelatin desserts. Is there anything more tempting than six delicious flavors? Nay, nay. Is there anything more appetizing than strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime? Nay, nay. Thank you, chandeliers. See, there's one fellow who hasn't changed. Silence! Before us is the palace of the High Lama. Oh, what a magnificent building. It's even more beautiful than Grauman's Chinese. Grauman's Chinese? Why, it's more beautiful than the Taj Mahal by moonlight. Oh, let me look again. Gazooks, you're right. Quiet! The High Lama approaches to greet us. Be prepared. 900 years old. She must be all dried up. Yes, don't light any matches around it. Oh, boy, I'm nervous. He will not harm you, my son. Behold, the High Lama. Your Excellency, I beg to present, Jack Benny, your Excellency. Hello, stanzer. Slepharuman. Quiet, quiet, I'm a lama now. A lama? Yeah, and I thought I was joining the Elks. You know, Sleph, he is hard to believe it. Are you really 900 years old? You said it. I've been in the march at times so long I got bunions. Well, tell me, tell me, Sleph, how are you doing here? Oh, Jack, you boy, am I making money? Everybody here lives to be 300 years old, 400, 500, there's no limit. I tell you, Jack, I'm cleaning up. Well, what do you do? I sell birthday candles. Birthday candles? You must be making a fortune. Say, is your wife here with you? Yeah, she sells matches. Well, I'm glad you're so successful. Tell me, Sleph, who's the head man around here? You or your wife? Well, I wear the pants, but somebody else has to help me out with them, you know. A thousand pardons, your Excellency. I must leave you now, Mr. Benny. Oh, will I see you again, Mr. Chang? No, I go as mysteriously as I came. Like a shadow in the forest, like the wind in the night. Woo-hoo! Well, well, well, that didn't sound like wind, but it got a laugh anyway. Here comes my daughter. I want you to meet her. Hello, my little irons blossom. Hello, prune face. This is my daughter, Mary Lama. Go ahead, shake her off with Mr. Benny. Hello, Mr. Benny. Well, Mary Lama, you look just like a Mary I know back home. How old are you? 116 and never been kissed. 116, so young. Yes, and already she wants to get married. Well, kiddies, I'll have to tattle along now. It's time for my dancing lesson. Dancing lesson? Yes, I'm learning the suede queue. I've been here so long, I got a broad feeling. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Well, Miss Lama, your father's pretty active for a man his age. Go on, every time he sneezes, we have to pick him up. His shoe! There he goes again. You know, Mary, you don't mind if I call you that, do you? No. Let me show you around the palace grounds. You love the flowers and gardens and waterfalls. Follow me. Gee, I've often imagined a place as beautiful as this. God, it's like a fairy tale. Look at those gladiolas zooming in the sunlight and these snap-dragons. Aren't they lovely? And look at these tiger lilies. I think I'll plus one. Ow! They ought to be muzzled. Who's your gardener, anyway? Frank Buck. And right here's where I spend many happy hours. Let us carry a while by this waterfall. Waterfall? Rather small, isn't it? Well, it ain't Niagara, but it's wet. Oh. Why don't you take a dip in this lovely pool? What, with my clothes, huh? They can stand it, too. All right, I think I will. Look out now. I'm gonna jump in. Here goes. One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to wee! Gee, this water's so cool and invigorating. It's deep, too. Deep? Oh, I forgot. I can't swim. I'm sinking. I'm sinking, Mary. Mary saved me. I'm drowning. Help! Help! I'm out of with you. Oh, Mary, where am I? Wake up, Jack. You're in my apartment. Oh, Mary, I just had the most wonderful dream. And all of a sudden, I thought I was drowning. You're telling me, get your head out of the goldfish bowl. Oh, yes, play, Phil. Give me a towel, Mary. Here's one more thing to be thankful for this year, something new and delicious to eat. It's a new kind of salad, cranberry and orange salad. Lovely to look at, mighty good to taste, and so easy to make. Here's all you have to do. Dissolve one package of orange jello and one and three-fourths cups of hot water. Chill until slightly thickened, then fold in one chopped orange, two of chopped raw cranberries, and three tablespoons of sugar. Unmold on lettuce, serve with real mayonnaise, and you have a grand Thanksgiving salad. A shimmering mold of orange jello, bright with colors of real oranges and fresh cranberries. And one of flavor blend, crisp and tangy to suit the season. Really a swell combination. Be sure to make this new salad, and be especially sure to make it with genuine jello. Or jello brings you that delicious, extra-rich fruit flavor that can't be topped. Just your grocer for jello. That was the lost number of the lost horizon in the new jello series, and we're with you again next week at the same time. I hope you all enjoyed our play tonight. Great buck! I don't think much of that Shangri-La idea. Why, Andy, wouldn't you like to have your voice clear and beautiful all the time? Guys, no, I wouldn't be able to get any work. I never thought of that, but as far as I'm concerned, I wish there really was a place like Shangri-La where you could lay around and relax. Don't you, Mary? I'll take Palm Springs. Oh, that's right. It's much closer. Yeah, good night, folks, tonight. J-E-L-L-O We are deeply indebted to James Hilton, author of Lost Horizons, for allowing us to present our satire of his great master piece. Kenny Baker appears on the jello program through courtesy of Mervin Leroy Productions. This is the national broadcasting company.