 Alright, so hello and welcome back to another video from us. My name is Kwame and this is my wife. Elaine, hi. And it's been such a long time since we've done a video, but I'm happy to be back and for an interesting reason because I saw something on Instagram on this page that I'm going to leave in the link below. And it just spoke to me, it just spoke to me about the title of this particular video right now. And I shared it with Elaine, so what we're going to do right now is I'm going to read them out and tell them the reason why these things happen. And then she's also going to react to it, ask her how we actually exist together, right? And so yeah, so these are some of the things that men wish that women knew. So it's comments from people on Reddit. I think that was where the comment, the question was posed and people have their comments here and they are so relatable, at least to me. So if you're a man listening or if you're a man listening with your wife or your girlfriend or if you're a woman listening and you have a boyfriend and some of these things happen, at least you know why they happen. And before we even go into that, YouTube guru, friend of mine, also suggested that we start a separate channel for our couple conversations and experiences. I don't know how I feel or we feel about that. You think it's a good idea, but I'm putting you on. Yeah, you're putting me on this one. So if you guys feel that it's necessary or it's not necessary, you can also comment because, well, we don't often do these videos and I don't know. So yeah, let's get into these things that men wish that women knew. And the first one, I mean, all of them hit home for me, not all of them. We're going to go through a few. But the first one is just because I'm not talking, doesn't mean that I'm not enjoying my time with you. And this happens all the time. I'm almost always like in my head, I am doing my own things and like I like to be in the same space as you, exist in the same space as you and I like it actually when she's around, but not necessarily us doing something together, but just seeing that she's there while on my phone, just being myself is enough of me. And it's something that I really, really enjoy, but she doesn't see the same way. Well, I mean, I'm learning to just be together, but I'm always used when I'm around somebody, like I'm talking, I'm interacting, I'm telling stuff, my experiences and you are more like to yourself in a way. So then it's sometimes difficult to guess what is happening. And for the most part, it's nothing, it's nothing serious in the person's head or whatever the person is thinking. But it doesn't sit well with you, why? Oh, sometimes, I mean, when we, it depends also when, because if we've already spent some time together, we had, you know, we talked about things, like we've been together, then it's easy, but when I come from work and you're still in your zone, then it feels a bit like... You don't want to spend time together? I just came home, like let's talk a bit, you know, for me that's part of coming home. Okay, I can understand this as well, I can understand. And the second one is, we actually really want to be complimented too. This comment says, a 60-year-old woman complimented me five years ago and it still makes me feel good, which just shows how little we get compliments. For this one, I cannot necessarily fully agree to it. I mean, it's nice, it's actually really nice when you get complimented by a lady or when you're moved to by a lady or when the woman takes some kind of action. It's really, really nice, but it's not something that I crave most of the time. But also maybe because I already do it. Yeah, and also when you compliment me, I don't know what to do with myself. Yeah, that's mostly... So when I compliment him, so sometimes he looks really handsome. Sometimes I look really handsome. Or then sometimes I notice it. You're always handsome, but then sometimes you have this glow or I can see it and then I say it and then you just get really shy. Yeah, I'm not used to it. Where is it coming from? But I think it's important to still compliment your partner. When they look nice, just... I mean, when they, for example, you go somewhere and they look nice, you can compliment them because it's nice to be affirmed and complimented. Yeah, okay, so yeah, it does make sense as well. This one, I'm not sure I even want to go into it. The third one, it's hard to get over you after a breakup. We don't really have emotional support systems in place to rely on. And a lot of men have small social circles. So losing someone means a lot to us. Well, you cannot answer that because, well, that's not the situation now. But in my experience, yes, it's actually true. Most of the time, when men lose someone or go through a breakup, because we have been conditioned so much to just be the ones that do the breaking up and move on quickly because we are the men, it's difficult to actually even go and tell your friends about it because chances are you're not going to get any good support from them, like, you know, emotional support because men often, often, I'm not saying all of us, see that kind of emotion as unnecessary and soft. So, yeah, I mean, it is difficult. I haven't gone through too many of those, thankfully. But, yeah, it's true. It's actually really true. But it also depends because I know, for example, for my brother, he really talks to his friends. So he has a small group of really good friends that know him for a long time. And it was a similar situation, not like a breakup, breakup, but he stopped seeing somebody. And when I was talking to him, because I didn't know, I wasn't aware that, like, they were separating. And then he said, yeah, yeah, I already talked to these people before I made the decision. And then I think, yeah, everybody said, so it really depends on how vulnerable you are with your friends and... What it has been from the beginning, because for most of us, it's also, like, just hanging out and having fun. You usually don't have these deeper relationship emotional connections with a lot of guys. Yes, but it also, I mean, it takes one person to... Break that cycle. Yeah, bring that level of trust and vulnerability. So, yes, I understand. But it's a bit of a generalizing thing that men can't have deeper connections, which I don't think that is a gender thing. So it's not that we can't have, we often don't have. It's not that we can't have, we often don't have. Because you... Yeah. But it's also a way you... something you should nurture yourself by showing up and putting in the work. I mean, being vulnerable, yes, it's difficult, but it also gives you a lot if you can connect better to friends or family. It's a two-way thing. Okay? This one says we aren't great at hints. Communication is king. Which is very true. Sometimes, I mean, a woman would want you to notice something or feel it or act on hints. And look, if you've tried acting on hints, especially when you think maybe a woman likes you and you act on the hints that she's giving, maybe she's being nice and everything, and they tell you, no. Then that thing can stab you in the heart. Oh, my God. So, yes, if it's not explicit in the same way, in the same way when it's like you're moving on to somebody and they say, no, if you're a man, stop. So when it's explicit and a person says, no, I've even done a video on this before. When a woman says, no, only for you to chase. Bro, if you don't feel like chasing, you are right in your way. Let them be explicit. Communication is king. As in my opinion. Yes. But I think we're already doing that now. No, it's not about us, really. I'm just... No, I'm just saying that with us, when we want something, we try to ask for it nicely. So if I need help with some chores or I don't know how to tackle a certain problem, I ask you, like, can we talk or could you please do the dishes? Because it doesn't make sense. I can leave it, but then I'll still wonder when you're going to do it or if I'm not explicit, then it will just get frustrated. So for me. Okay. So she doesn't have that issue then. So I guess I can't, you know. Well, I mean, we came from far. I mean, in the beginning, yes, it's also difficult to communicate because you're not sure how the other person will take it and all these things. So, I mean, we're still learning how to communicate. I don't think it ever stops because life throws new things. So you have to get up to speed with how you feel about that and how you can go about it. It never really stops. So these comments are a lot. I don't think we can go through all of them, but we'll go through as many as we can and then we'll take it from there. So when we tell women that we don't know how we feel about something, it's usually true and we generally don't know and don't understand how we are supposed to feel. I personally wasn't allowed to express emotions growing up and it turned me into not being able to understand my emotions. This one, I don't even want to go further into talking plenty. This is me. That's it. Most men growing up, especially in our generation, were told emotions are... Especially the ones we consider the vulnerable ones, the soft ones are necessary. So it's difficult to express your emotions about certain things and how you feel about them, to actually say how you feel about them or even understand how you feel about them and communicate it effectively. So this one is really true. So sometimes when we say we don't know how we feel about it, it's true. We just don't know how we feel about it and it would take time for us to make sense of it. But I think, thankfully, Chi is able to help me unpack the layers and poke certain questions and... Okay, so this is so good. I'm just saying, it's not bad. I'm just saying that you're able to... I won't say force it out of me, but you gradually help with... Yeah, and I think with this statement, what I'm missing is that you could say, yes, I feel a certain way about it, but I'm not sure yet. So that at least you acknowledge that there's something going on. Yeah. Because that on itself, if I have to take you as an example, could be the first step. Because sometimes I feel that there's something going on, but you yourself are distracting yourself or you're not trying to give into it. Well, if you can acknowledge that, yeah, there's something going on, trying to figure something out, but I'm not sure yet and I'll come to you when I'm ready. That could already help me, like, okay, let me be mindful or even more mindful when, you know, be there in a way, not only asking every five seconds, but just like keep an eye on you, check in on you, you know. So that I miss a little bit in, it's fine if you don't know how you feel, but can you at least acknowledge that there's something that you're trying to figure out or something that you're not struggling with, but you're trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Yeah. Okay, then. And the next one is, I really like to hang out with my friends because I love them, not because I don't want to spend time with you, I don't think we have that. I think it's the other way around. Because Kwame is really like to himself, so sometimes I feel it makes him sometimes hyper-focused on his work, which is great because your work is also, your passion, but I feel that the magical thing with friends is that they can get to a different perspective, they can, they bring... My circle is very small. I know it's small, but... Yeah, very small. I know it's small and intimate. I'm not commenting on the size, I'm just commenting on that sometimes you get into your zone and then you kind of leave the outside world for what it is, but the magical thing of friends is that they bring the outside world in, they bring in different experiences, they talk about their own lives and that can also give you some inspiration or some new insights or... Yeah, lots of things. So I think for us it's the other way around. Because I see my... I do need to see my friends, otherwise I will... Isn't it a cultural thing? It's how you were brought up? How generally... It's possible. Dutch people make time or they fix that social encounters or social gathering, the necessity for that into their way of life. I think that's what I saw at least when I went to the Netherlands a couple of times that I did. Maybe, but it's just... It's literally something that you guys consciously do. I don't know, I only know for myself that if I don't talk to my friends, I will... Yeah, it's difficult for me. I need to bounce off ideas and talk about things that happen to me and I want to know what they're up to. So for me it's... Yeah. It's not only social, it's also calling them and being in touch. I'm going to be jumping some of these comments because when I go through them, I either can't relate or don't feel like we should tackle all of them. So, yeah, I'm going to go next. Yeah, we don't know where we want to eat, either. Yes, and that's me. That's me. Mostly, I don't know. I seldom have a particular craving in a place I want to go. 99% of the time, I don't know what to eat or where. But most of the times, I come up with where we eat. Which is a weird balance. It's rather the opposite. I mean, what the world quarterly knows it to be that women are the ones who often don't know where to eat. Yeah, but it's also because I have a lot of cravings. I can literally, one time, I craved an Oreo milkshake for five days before I went to get it. Like, it just sticks with me. If I have an idea, like, oh, I really feel like I really want to eat this, then... Like, I'm very particular about what I want. I think last time we went for a burger because I wanted to have, like, a burger in my hand and, like, take that bite and sweet potato fries and... You just like food. Yeah, also, like, for the best, I think. You just like food. Okay, um... This one says we like random gifts, random hugs, and random signs of affection and love. Sometimes just a cup of coffee in my favorite mug is enough to convince me it's going to be a good day. Nah. I think that one is better for me. I would love you to make my coffee in the morning in my favorite mug, the small mug. That's not me. That's not me at all. That's not me, yeah. But I do... Yeah, I try to give you... Well, you always say you don't need anything. I mostly don't. I... So it's difficult for me to do small gifts. But I do bring food home and sometimes I try to spoil you. Yeah, and those times are, you know... Not so often, so it's nice. Like, it's nice. It's not like an everyday thing. So it's unexpected and it's nice. It's good. Yeah, but most of the times you are a bit... ...awkward about it. Really? Like, with... Okay, so with Father's Day... I mean, with Mother's Day, you always celebrate all the important women in your life, right? But with Father's Day, it's only with fathers. I don't know why. So I decided to get him a package, like, with all, you know, nice things to, you know, pamper him a little bit. And then I gave it and he was like, But it's Father's Day! Like, why are you... Why do I get this? I'm like, it's nice. I wanted to do something for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's... And it was like awkward for like five minutes. And I was just like, yeah. Five minutes is too long. She's lying. She's lying. It was awkward for that long. Let's move on, please. Okay. Good. This one says, A boatwreck doesn't always mean a morning. Sometimes it just falls out of nowhere. Which is true. Women don't get that, you know, the penis, you get hard for no reason. I never get hard, yeah. But it's also because... Have you heard the saying? No. Life is like a penis. Sometimes it just gets hard for no reason. Yeah. Yeah. So... I guess I knew, but it's difficult because I don't have the same organ. So for me, how it... I mean, you also don't know how a vagina works, honestly. Yeah. So I think that's also something that comes back to the communication point that... Talk about these things. Because I mean, I guess I knew somewhere that that was what it is, but because I don't have it myself, it's hard to, you know, understand it. Yeah. I literally don't have the same body. So it's good to talk about it. Anyway. This one says, when we say we're thinking about nothing, the majority of the time we're actually thinking of nothing. Or maybe we're thinking of ridiculous made-up scenarios that sound stupid when we say it a lot, which is true. It's true sometimes. You're making out things in your head or, you know, daydreaming about weird stuff, which you don't necessarily think is necessary to share. And it's not because, like, I am deep in thought about something serious that you should be concerned about. Sometimes it's just nothing. Okay, I never think about nothing. You always think. It's not like it's nothing as a nothing plain black. It's not possible that it's nothing, but it's not something serious. It's not something necessary. I like to ask sometimes, like, what are you thinking of? Because it gives you a bit more insight into the person. So when you're randomly asked, like, what are you thinking of, it can lead to a conversation that you otherwise would not have had. Yeah. So I like to use it from time to time, but I understand. I mean, we're not always making sense, and that's also fine. Yeah. Okay, so men love being the target of a romantic gesture. It was the same as the gift. Yeah, okay. But it just makes so much sense that men love it too. This one is also very similar. Please ask us out. It makes us feel wanted and loved. Yes, it's the same as romantic. I think I've done that. Yeah. Yeah, and this one is very, very, very true. The video on it as well. Playing hard to get does not work at all, at least not for me, not in this new age. Like, if you want something, just say yes. If you want this relationship, just say yes. Don't play hard to get, although she did play hard to get. I didn't play hard to get. Not in its, like, direct sense. I know, I wasn't playing any game. I was figuring out whether this is what I wanted and whether I could say yes to the relationship as a whole, whether it would be long distance or here. So I don't think this one applies to me. No. OK, OK. This one says, we get angry, we get depressed, we get sad. We want to cry and be held at times too. Being told by one of my exes that real men don't cry when I was at a really low point. Only further push me down the dark hole. Please don't do that. That hurts. Yeah. So we get angry, we get depressed as well, we get sad. Yeah, it makes the, I mean, that's just a fact. Please don't tell men not to. I mean, this is what we're even talking about, the essence of this whole video, that we try as much as possible to express our emotions and be allowed to do so. You get it? Yeah. And I know for you that there's a way mentioned be when it comes to emotions or communicating their emotions. So don't do that if you do that. Men are not supposed to be tough. No, but that's also the thing with the gender stereotype because as a man, you still feel all these things. But society programs you to not express these things. So I think, yeah, for me, it doesn't really make sense. I mean, yes, you should express what you feel. Whether you're a guy or a girl, just try to voice out your feelings so they can find their way to what they're supposed to do or mean. And if you're sad, then you're sad. If you're angry, you're angry. That's fine. That's all part of life. So I find it hard to not... I don't know why anybody would say that to anybody. When somebody is truly sad and you say, real men, don't cry. It can happen. It can happen. I mean, the fact that you can't relate doesn't mean it doesn't happen. No, I'm not saying it's not happening, but the fact that somebody is really sad and then you add more pressure to it. To it, yeah. Yes, I don't understand. What I would like to know if you're sad, like, what can I do? Do you want to talk about it? What do you need? Do you want to hug? Like, that's where I would go. Like, you try to give the feeling space and then maybe afterwards, you can talk about how to solve it, but you don't just say... Cap it and don't make it back, yeah. Like, don't bring it here, please. Yeah. That's nice. Um, this one says, if you don't want to hear the truth about something, don't ask me to tell you the truth because I'm going to tell you the truth every time. Yeah, but that's what I like. Good. That says also that I don't even want to go further, because I'm very direct. Yeah, but same for me. I think... But, yeah. This one also is similar to the one that we talked about sometimes. We just want to be by ourselves. Um, this one says we can be uncomfortable with unwarranted physical contact as well. Yes, we can. Yes, we can. Yeah, that's again like a stereotype that guys always want physical contact, always in the mood. That's also one thing that is not true and that should also get more space to be expressed. Again, it's weird that it's... Tell us more about what you like in bed. Yeah, I, for one, will ask. I'm not the person who's going to think that I know everything, so I'm going to ask. And every situation even in bed is different every single time, so it's not every day that you do this particular thing that works. Sometimes you just don't want that thing that time, so I think communication in bed is really, really important. Yeah, and also if you're trying out, even if you're in a long relationship and you want to try out something new, it's really important to ask for consent. And like, are you okay? Are we doing this? Yeah, we do talk about things. Yeah. This one says, we don't really care about makeup and just want you to be healthy and happy. A guy who wouldn't be attracted to you, any guy who wouldn't be attracted to you without your makeup on is a shitty person. Yeah. That's me, me, that's me. I agree with this one like 110%. I don't really care about makeup. I'm more attracted to you, your face as it is. If you look nice without it, chances are you look better with it, so I prefer to see you without it. And that's for me, it works. I don't really care about makeup at all. For me, I think it's one of the biggest, for me personally, it's one of the biggest myths that women wear makeup for guys. I wear my makeup for myself. Yeah, I know. If you find it pretty cool, but it's not... I didn't say, okay, let me clarify again. I wasn't saying women wear makeup for guys, no. But it's not the reason I would talk to anyone. Yeah. That's not where my attraction is. It's not the reason I'll talk to anyone. And it's not something I would demand the person I'm with to do because if they don't, I don't find them attractive. First of all, like you were saying, they don't do it for you. And secondly, me, I don't really care. Yeah. Okay, this one is also the same. Our feelings get hurt, we're trying to suck it up. Just because I joke about my emotions doesn't mean I don't want them to be taken seriously. Okay, that one is also true. And finally, sometimes we want to be the little spoon. I am more the big spoon than you are. I am more often the big spoon. Yes, yes, yes. And you are tolerant. No, but that has nothing to do with size. Oh, okay. Oh, it's just, yeah. It's just nice to comfort you from time to time, even though you're not necessarily needing of it, but just to support, literally, as the big spoon. Okay, so that's actually all of it. I jumped a few of them because they were quite similar. And yeah, so these are some of the things that men wish women knew. And if you have other ones that probably were not mentioned in these comments, because this was actually from a particular source, commented in... Yeah, that would be nice if we can find one for things that women wish that men knew. Because there are lots of... Yeah, I think maybe that's what we should actually get women to comment so that maybe we can react on it as well. Yeah, so if you have something the other way around, you can let us know and then we can... Also react on it if it's the same. Yeah, or if you have a source, similar source, we can do it the other way around. Because, yeah, I mean, yes, there's some things true in gender stereotypes, but most of the times you have to look a bit further to get to the truth. It's good to break it down. So that we can open the same... I'm also curious what people will say. Yeah, so if you like this video, don't forget to give it a thumbs up and subscribe to the channel. And if you also think that we should start our own channel separate from this one, you can also let us know. Amazioji... I'm a bit shy, that's why. I find it a bit shy. You see how this is... Yeah, convincing has to happen a lot of times before we can do this. Okay. So, yeah, we're gonna end it here and we'll catch you in the next one. Hopefully sooner than this one. Yeah. That's a subtle hint. I'm just saying. From his side. I'm just saying. Communication is king. Yes. No, I'm saying that hopefully sooner. It's not a hint. Okay. We'll see what we can do about it. So adios for now and we'll catch you in the next one. Peace.