 Good morning to you all, Shabab. We haven't taken too much time from your sleep, and it's an honor to be among you, especially on such an occasion as this, when we are mentioning the life of the Prophet Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. What a beautiful thing to gather us. What a beautiful discussion to have. What a beautiful teaching to impart. What beautiful moments that we spend basking in his life, Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. And it's important, I think, the topic that we chose for today is very important for us, because oftentimes when we think about the Messenger, Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, we think about him in his Sayyidina Imam Malik, in the Hamas of Allah, who would be greeted, oftentimes people would come to his home, and they would knock on his door, and his servant would come out and ask, what do you want? And are you seeking Masa'id? Do you want rulings in Taf? Or are you seeking hadith? And they would tell her, we're seeking Masa'id, we're seeking rulings in Taf. And so he would go out to them, and just give them whatever they needed. Or he would go to the Masjid and teach the Taf. But if they were seeking hadith, she would tell them to stay right there, meeting the Masjid. And she would go tell him that they're seeking hadith from him. And so he would make also put on his best coating, put on his best perfume, which is why I'm mentioning the story. Aathan gave me his best perfume. And then go to the Masjid and sit on a raised platform like this, that he had erected himself in the Masjid for the sole purpose of teaching the hadith of the Prophet ﷺ. And he would light incense in the Masjid as-Rab. And everyone who was there would also be in the state of Wudu'u, to receive those hadith from him. So this was part of his honoring of the hadith of the Prophet ﷺ. And I was mentioning earlier that oftentimes when we think about the Prophet ﷺ, it's in his public official capacity. As the Imam, as the leader of the army, as the one who adjudicates, as the one who resolves conflict. And we see him in this light. But that is not usually where the Prophet ﷺ is. And in following him, following him for now, we try to fit ourselves in those roles as well. But if you look at the character of the Prophet ﷺ, we're talking about the Prophet's character. And you talk about our character today, there's a little bit about the economy. And that is because when we think about character, we tend to think about it in terms of how we handle ourselves and how we control it, how we behave in the public sphere, how we behave with one another in public. You know, you say this person has great character, look at what he does, look at what he does. And it's usually in the public sphere that we're thinking about character. And this is very important for us to reflect upon, because it's very easy for me to have good character with you. It's very easy for me in the public where we are spending time together in the mischief or after an event or in a conference or something like that. It's very easy for me to display good character with people in public. We're not going to challenge each other in public. We're not going to provoke one another in public. We're not going to argue with one another in public. And so oftentimes when we think about character, do you think about it in the public realm? And that is not where we get the greatest percentage of reports about the Prophet's character. We don't get it from the public. We don't get it from how he is in public. We get it from his family and how he is in private. If you look throughout the books of the Shemait, the character, the sections on the character of the Prophet ﷺ, who is reporting to us that content? It's Aisha, it's Panas, it's Zaid, it's Um Salama, it's Al-Hasan, Al-Hussain. These are the people who are conveying to us the character of the Prophet ﷺ over and over and over again, which is incredible that most of what we know about the Prophet ﷺ's character, we are receiving it from those who spend the most time with him in his private space, intimate time with him at home. And this is very important for us because home is where character is cultivated. Home is where character is developed and it is where a person will make the greatest spiritual progress along his or her path toward Allah ﷺ. It starts at home. And one of the reasons that marriage is half of our religion is because of all of the problems that marriage will present to the married couple that they will never have to face with their best friends who they meet over lunch, or with people in the public with their co-workers. You're never going to be challenged by your co-workers the way you were challenged by your children or by your spouses or by your parents or by your siblings. So home is where character is cultivated to the greatest degree. So much so that that character will get you half of it, all of you want to accomplish indeed, it will get you halfway there. Character starts at home. Character is tested most at home. And what do we say of the man who in his private life leads by a shining example, so much so that most of what we know about his character comes from those who are sharing that private life. Because if you ask my brother, for example, about me, you may have a certain, and not to focus on me, you may have a certain impression about me. We're constantly judging. We're constantly evaluating and constantly placing value judgments on the people around us. And it's very easy for me, especially because I'm here behind the mic on this raised platform, there's a certain presumption about me that you might have about me regarding me that, oh, he's this, or oh, he's that, may Allah SWT avail me from you. Because I know who I am. I mean Allah SWT never asked me or never questioned me about the impression, whatever positive impressions people have about me. But we are in this. This is how we think about people, especially people who are in the role of teachers. But if you ask my brother about me, or if you ask my father or my mother about me, if you ask my wife about me, because if you ask my brother, for example, and they were to tell you unabashedly everything they know about me, or what their impressions are about me, or having to deal with me on a daily basis, having to forbear my weight, having to bear my weight and forbear all of my idiosyncrasies and all of the things that Allah SWT has banned from you, if you had to actually write all of that stuff down, how reflective of my public persona with those private details actually would be and take it from me. It would be as though you were finding out about a perfect strength. This guy is not this guy in any way, shape or form. All the details that I have now have nothing to do with the guy on stage. And this is something that we ask Allah SWT for help with, because it's very easy for us to put on a face in public. But in private, it's very, very difficult to fool anybody at home. You can't fool anybody at home. So what do we say of a man whose details of his private life outshine the details of his public life? Privately. Privately. He outshines himself publicly. And one of the reasons for this is because what's private is most consistent over time. What's public is incidental. And it's occasional. But what's private is consistent over time. And this is the meat, the real meat of character. When we talk about the character in the Prophet's online writers, this is what we're talking about. How he was in his person over years. And so this gets us to, let's take a step back and look at just the definition of khulok real quick. The word khulok comes from the three letters khalafa. Khalafa means he created. So character and creation have a linguistic connection. Character comes from the same word that we get to create. And that reality of the word, that lexical connection also has to do with the reality of the word. The metaphysical reality of the word. That is to say that character is something that we are already created with. Certain character traits are embedded in us, are inherent to us from the day that we are born. You find children who are predisposed to certain character traits and certain character traits come easier to them than others. You might have a child who is rumpunches, what would they say, lively and spirit, that's what I'm talking about. It's very spirit, which is a euphemism for spoiled brat. There's a book that's out there, How to Raise a Spirited Child. Basically how to raise your spoiled brat. And certain things later on in life may come easier to a child like that. Like competition, they might excel. Ambition, a sense of accomplishment, independence. It might come easier to a child like that. Whereas a child who is more calm, natured, cool, who doesn't hit other children, that child might later on have empathy as their emblem. They may be very sensitive to the needs of the people around them. And this comes easier to that child. And one of the meanings of khuluq is nasib. A portion is sort of what is divinely apportioned for us. And Allah Almighty says, lay salamu ala akhirat min khalaq, that they will have no khalaq in the year after. What does that mean? They will have no khalaq in the year after. And the word khalaq comes from khuluq and khalafa. They have no khalaq in the year after. They have no portion in the year after. Nothing is designated for them. Nothing is reserved for them in the year after to anticipate or expect. So this means that certain character traits are part of our nasi. They're part of what's been apportioned to us divine. That Allah SWT has sort of apportioned. And the Prophet himself says, this is not just in the language, but the Prophet SAW himself said that Allah SWT, Allah SWT has distributed among you your character traits as he has distributed among you your provision in the world. Everything that you are provided in the world, character traits are distributed among you as well. But that's not to say that an empathetic child cannot learn competition or an ambitious child cannot learn sensitivity. That's not to say that. Because one, there is a predisposition. But also there is mujahadat in nasi. There's finally the ego, right? There's struggling with the ego. There is the acquisition of virtues. And the Prophet SAW said that He said that knowledge, just as knowledge is gained through learning, nobody is going to learn through osmosis, right? You're not going to just turn the CD on as you sleep at night and the next day you're a scholar. I wish it was that easy. I wish it was that easy, right? So knowledge can only be acquired through exerted effort in the pursuit of it. And just as that is the case, then hen, which is forbearance, is acquireable. You can acquire hen through forcing yourself to be haneem, through pushing yourself to be haneem, through exerting yourself to acquire that virtue for yourself until it becomes easy for you. And patience is one in the same way. If you're not a patient person, well, you can become a patient person by intentionally pursuing that attribute. And in all of our tribulations, to behave like the patient people, to begin to imitate and embody what the patient people have, right? And he said, In any virtue or any character trait, can be acquired by exerting yourself to the pursuit of that character trait. Until you become... So Imam Ghazali says that if a person is miserly, then one of the ways to get over that miserliness is by committing yourself never to say no, just pledging to yourself that I will never say no. And then you begin to give, but you begin to give a little bit, you're a little bit there, so there's still a degree of miserliness, right? But at least you've never turned anyone down until that becomes easy for you. And then to set a certain amount of money that you're going to give every time you're asked, whenever you're asked, you give that much money, and you give that much money. And then to serve, to actually, once you're able, once that becomes easy for you, then to actually go out in search for people who are in need and not wait until they come and ask you. You see, so by degrees, one can acquire the virtue of generosity, right? The virtue of generosity. Until it becomes easy for you and you become known as a generous person. Not that you're intention, you don't want to be known as anything. You want to only be known to Allah, but until you become a generous person in your essence. And so this is one, this is lexically what the word means, and if we look at the technical definition of khulu, and you might not have, I thought we were talking about the prophet at home, what does all this talk about character, right? What is the point of talking about the prophet at home, if not to refine our character by that discussion. And to improve and enhance our private lives through that discussion. The prophet at home is all about this kiyatun nafs. The prophet at home is all about purification of the heart. That theme, the prophet at home is another way of saying how am I at home? How am I at home? Because it's very easy for us to lay our claims to piety in the hearts of other people. It's very easy for us to lay our claim to piety in the hearts of other people. I feel religious because so-and-so perceives me to be. And a lot of what we do and I'm not talking about anyone here, I'm just speaking in general terms about Muslims in general, but I'm not speaking about myself to some degree as well. But a lot of what we do has to do with seeking acceptance in the hearts of other people and love in the hearts of other people for the sake of ourselves. And this is why it's one of the worst things that a person can do is to seek praise for himself. Right? Through which one can be proud of himself. Experience a certain type of elation because so-and-so thinks such and such about me or because so-and-so, and that's why one of the most destructive things that we can do to ourselves these days is not to weed ourselves off of our addiction to antisocial media. Right? That's one of the most destructive things because at the heart of that mechanism and I dare say that this has a degree of every, this has a portion to every single thing that we post if we're not careful is a deep-seated need that is a narcissistic need for attention, for acceptance for for admiration at something we've said or something we've shared or something we've posted or whatever it is but there is a deep-seated need for the admiration of others and it's called a like we're seeking love we're seeking there's a deep-seated need for that but that need is all in the nuts that need is all in the nuts and they knew exactly they knew this, this is diabolical this is absolutely diabolical because they knew what they were creating every time and they admit this now the founders of Facebook specifically admit this now with the introduction of that little red notification at the top of your browser notifications so and so liked your posts, so and so shared your posts with that little red indicator they knew that they were creating addictions in people they were creating addictions and they studied this with psychologists before they even put it up on the platform they studied this and they're admitting this now that they knew that they were creating addictions by setting up those notifications the way they were such that you couldn't pull yourself away from Facebook even if you tried and you deactivate and come back and you deactivate again and come back to that website because there is some, it's like a fix, I used to have that I used to have that and it's something that I'm missing now and so that was a tangent that I didn't intend to go on how did I get there? how did I start? technical definition of Kudu technical definition of Kudu why don't we just go back let's not try to retrace it but let's just go back ok so the technical definition of Kudu that this is all about Tazki is what I was saying this is all about purifying the heart purifying the heart so the technical definition then and a lot of our studies whatever we're studying the subject of our studies we're going to go through a linguistic definition and then a technical definition and the technical definition is called it's the normal feature so when we want to know about influenza for example you can look up Webster's dictionary and get a lexical definition for influenza but if you want a technical definition then you have to go to a medical encyclopedia to figure out ok what's the history of this thing who discovered it in what laboratory are there different strands of it what are the different symptoms of it what are the different cures of it what are the side effects of the vaccines for it that's now you're getting into the technical definition and we have we have collections of technical definitions among the Guwahama one of the greatest of them is called his name is Anjur Jani and he wrote a book called in this book he says about khuluq he said khuluq is a language that is easy to understand and it's easy to understand and it's easy to understand he says that khuluq and you can write this in your notes the women can write this in their notes but the men don't take notes men don't take notes men don't take notes we have a couple of people that do so khuluq is an expression al-baratun anhi'at in the nafs it's an expression concerning a a deep-seated predisposition of the nafs a deep-seated predisposition of the nafs from which actions emerge with ease and facility without the need for forethought or premeditation yeah or consideration but it is it is a term it's an al-barat it's a term concerning or it's a term that connotes a deep-seated predisposition in the nafs from which actions emerge with ease and facility without any need for forethought or consideration yeah it's a term connoting a deep-seated predisposition of the nafs or in the nafs from which actions emerge with ease and facility without any need for forethought without any need of forethought or consideration so I'm going to give you an example you're on the 101 the 101 is close by it's by the way it's by the way it's by the way you come off the exit and there's a guy there with a sign and there's nothing like the light screen and the first thought that comes across your mind is I need to catch the light and you see the guy there and the second thought that comes across your mind is I hope that light doesn't turn yellow because there's no one in front of you in that light it's just you in the light it's in front of you and you say I hope that light doesn't turn yellow so the light turns yellow and you go all the way to the front right trying to pass the guy a little bit right so that now he's a little bit behind you he's not in front of you and then he comes over to you and you're acting like you're listening to radio or you're on the phone or something like that and then he rolls he knocks on the window you roll down the window as though caught by surprise this is not autobiographical I believe I'm just making this up it's hypothetical as though you were caught by surprise and so he asks for money and so you begin to think you begin to look through your purse or your wallet and you begin to question okay how much should I give him should I give him $5 or $10 and then he just hates you he just hates you just give the purse that I sent him a gate the purse that I sent him a gate so give because you're really receiving you're really receiving you're not giving he's the one who's giving and the prophets why it's when they used to give they used to give like this they were really in essence receiving and the one who is taking is actually the one giving who has the upper hand now is the one who's who's in essence giving because everything that goes from them they find in general and they find in this world and the fact that they're able to give this is proof that they find you is proof that they find in this world because they gave before and Allah SWT gave them again so that they would be able to give again so you have all of this and you remember oh that's what sheikh has someone so say right I should give and so you put all the $100 bill and you fold it put it in this and usually you give two or three dollars usually you'll give a five and a ten but you pull out $100 bill fold it, put it in his hand you don't even ask him to pray for you because you want your reward with Allah SWT and you've got your hijab on you know he knows you're Muslim if you don't have anything identifying you you'll say something like As-salamu alaykum just so he knows you're Muslim so you even gave a little bit of subliminal dialogue to be a person at that point of good character how many people say it how many people say no do you have bad character how many people say yes good character how many people say no alright, why do you say yes it's obvious doesn't need an answer why do you say no because it doesn't answer the definition what's the definition exactly good character is a predisposition in the necks from which actions emerge with ease and facility without any need for forethought or consideration so we're not going to say you have bad character but you also are on your way toward good character because the more you do that the easier it becomes so that you don't even have to think about it anymore you don't even have to think about it anymore now you're said to have good character right you see what I'm saying so this is what is consistent over time and what scenario for the human being is going to create like an incubator where a good character can be developed over time what is that incubator is it this room is it this room is this the room where a good character is cultivated now is it the message is it school, is it work is it in the malls is it where a good character cultivated only at home it can only be cultivated at home and then how we are in the public sphere should be a reflection of what we are at home and if it's not then we've got a lot of work to do because that that is living in a web of contradiction if we are outside different from how we are at home if it's easy for me to call a friend but difficult for me to call my mother or father if it's easy for me to to engage someone with a smile who is sort of provoking me in the public but difficult for me to afford that same smile for my spouse or my siblings at home when they provoke me then I've got some work to do I've got some work to do and I have to re-prioritize the whole thing I've got to prioritize so that your family then becomes your your key to felicity to spiritual progress your family become your key to spiritual progress that my spiritual growth and my intimacy with my lord and my proximity to my prophet Salaamu Alaikum that is only through my wife it is only through my husband it is only through my mother or father it is only through my children that's where it's going to come from that's where it's going to come from so as you're listening to all to the purification of the heart series on the CD or reading this book or that book and thinking I've got to put this all into practice I've got to start acting on these things we have to make the shift the mental shift from the public space where you intend to act upon these things into your private home life because if you get it straight at home in the public it's not even an issue it's not even an issue it's already easy in public the difficult thing is to be to have good character at home where it counts proves of the messengerhood of the prophet Salaamu Alaikum of the prophet Salaamu Alaikum is that from the very beginning of his life until the very end of his life those nearest to him those nearest to him never had a single complaint about him those nearest to him ever since he was young ever since he was a baby until the time that last month I took him back they never had a single complaint about the public space never anything that they could point to that they could say this aspect of his personality or that aspect of his or this demeanor or that there was never an instant you point out to me one in all of me thousands of hadith that we have from him in all of the books of Sina you point out to me one incident where the messenger of Allah Salaamu Alaikum argued with anyone at home where he ever fought with anyone at home we already know he never argued with anyone in public he never argued with anyone in public at home a single incident where the Prophet Salaamu Alaikum ever argued with anyone at home and this was before his advent as well for 40 years before his advent as well and in all those years he was married to Khadija 15 years of marriage with Khadija we don't have a single incident where they actually argued about anything that was his predisposition he was non-confrontational and he was empathetic beyond words and he was able to forbear all of the weight of the people around him and it's as though he had a bird's eye view of everything that ever happened he was able to see it from a different space from a different vista altogether he was able to perceive it as it was and you cannot get there you cannot get there unless you have the disposition of acceptance of other people as they are not to place expectations on one another not to place not to base our frustrations when they fall short of fulfilling our rights but to concern ourselves with the fulfillment of their rights over us that's how he was along your understanding and to be in service of one's own self so the the day that I got married the night before I got married I called Shrikhamsa asking him for advice but no this was a no I had called him to invite him to my wedding and I said I know you're very busy so please you know I'm expecting that you cannot come so there's no false expectations here but I would love if you would be able to make it so he said I can't make it but I have one piece of advice for you I said that's all I need that's why I'm just giving one piece of advice he said in all my years of marriage in all my experience with married people he said I can give you just this old and valuable advice but if you take it and if you apply it you will have felicity in every day of your marriage he said have zero expectations those are your advice have zero expectations and basically purify your heart purify your mind because the naps is what expects the naps is what you I expect this from you I expect that from you I deserve this I'm worthy of that I'm entitled to this that the heart of every expectation is a naps so the proposal I said accepted he didn't expect he didn't have expectations but he accepted his family as they were and they were able to breathe in his presence to just be themselves in his presence so much so that on a few occasions they crossed the lines with him some of them I don't understand on many an occasion we're going to get to that inshallah we're going to talk about that they crossed the lines with him and he accepted he accepted that he accepted that so I think this is an important important for us to to discuss this before getting into the real meat of the material the content of the material because this is not an intellectual you know this is this the content that we have to share today is not for the intellect it's not for the intellect it's for transformation you know and I'm looking at faces the most of what North California has to offer I know many of you personally so a lot of this is just by way of encouragement and reminder to continue doing what you do because I know you all to be people of very good character but there's always room for improvement there's always something that we can do there's always a heightened sense of awareness and a way of reminder especially to myself that I am accountable for what for what we share here so any questions before we go anything that I didn't touch upon that perhaps means mention so when are we going to start this first session okay we might push it out a little bit okay so I think the first thing that I want to discuss what I had planned inshallah is to speak about the Prophet ﷺ at home before we just jump into the anecdotes of the Prophet ﷺ's life at home we want to talk about him as husband and him as father and as grandfather right so in the roles as husband, father and grandfather and in order to do this properly we need to know who is there present in the Prophet's household who were these people that he was engaging on a daily basis right and so what I'd like to do is introduce the Umahansi and then talk about anecdotes from the Prophet's life with them and then the mothers of the faithful and then introduce his children as well and then talk about anecdotes that he had the situations that arose with his children as well so we'll talk about we'll talk about we'll proceed there inshallah finish this session after speaking about the wives of the Prophet ﷺ so the Prophet ﷺ had 11 wives all throughout his life 11 wives beginning with Khadija she was the first of the wives of the Prophet ﷺ obviously we know and I'm going to spend more time on the wives that we don't really hear about mostly Khadija and Aisha I'm going to just speak about them very very shortly but the other wives I want to highlight a little bit more I don't know if you have a collection of all the wives of the Prophet ﷺ in your own personal notes somewhere but this would be a good opportunity to write something down about each one of them six of them all of them were from Mecca he didn't marry anyone from Medina they were all his wives from Mecca six of them were from Quraish and four of them were not from Quraish and one of them was from Israeli-Israelis so the six were from Quraish Khadija was from Kuwait Aisha was from Abu Bak Hafsa was from Omar Um Habiba was from Abu Sufyan Um Habiba was from Abu Sufyan Um Habiba was from the daughter of Abu Sufyan and that was a marriage that happened we're going to get to it Abu Sufyan became Muslim Um Sarma was from Abu Umia and Sauda was from Zuma these were the six from Quraish and then four who were not from Quraish Zayna was from Mimouna was from Harith Zayna was from Kuzeyna and he was from So these were the wives of the Prophet and he had two concubines Maria and Rayhana these were his two concubines so about Khadija just a couple of things about her that I think are very important is that Khadija the Prophet married a woman who was twice married before that and she had children from both marriages she had children from both marriages it's interesting one of her sons was named Hind and one of her daughters was also named Hind so she had a boy and a girl with the same name as Hind Khadija married the Prophet Salah al-Salaam she was older than him obviously by 15 years this is what we know she was not only one of the richest women of Manqa she was one of the richest people of Manqa and the Prophet Salah al-Salaam lived the life with her raising her children with her so he married into a family already that was already set and he didn't have any children with her no he had all of his he had all of his children with her except for Ibrahim the son of Maria and there is a little bit of the difference of opinion regarding Maria whether she was the wife of the Prophet Salah al-Salaam or not the majority of the scholars believed that she was Um Walid and she had become Um Walid and we're going to talk about that when we get to her but she was the only one who bore him the child other than Khadija so the Prophet Salah al-Salaam already came into a marriage where there were children and he brought into that marriage Ali al-Salaam so he came to that marriage with Ali so Khadija raised Imam Ali al-Salaam and so what do you say about Imam Ali al-Salaam what do you say about him who was raised by the Prophet Muhammad Salah al-Salaam the perfect man and raised by Sayyid al-Khadija the perfect woman whose wife was Fatima Zahra whose sons were Hassan and Hussein what do you say about Sayyid al-Nadi al-Salaam in that in the midst of that so he was raised by Khadija Sayyid al-Nadi al-Salaam was raised by Khadija and so the marriage that they had was such that Sayyid al-Khadija gave the Prophet Salah al-Salaam all the space he needed to be happy and he did the same thing for her he did the same thing for her he did not after the marriage for her or micromanager in any way the most that he would do is send one of the servants to if Khadija was taking too long to get back home to send one of the servants to just check on her and make sure she's okay and Khadija herself tried to get the Prophet Salah al-Salaam to have more money she tried to make him a partner and one of the things that we can read from that marriage is that the greatest thing that they could have given their children the greatest thing that the Prophet Salah al-Salaam could have given the children of Khadija and the greatest thing that Khadija could have given the children of the Prophet Salah al-Salaam whom she had with him was a happy spouse that's the greatest gift that you can give to your children is a happy wife or a happy husband you can do no greater good to your children than entering happiness into the hearts of your spouse and we get that from Khadija she was the comfort of the Prophet Salah al-Salaam she was like the mother of the Prophet Salah al-Salaam she was like the mother of the Prophet Salah al-Salaam she fulfilled that role for him and her age helped her in that she was older than him right so that and Abu Talib fulfilled the role of father so when he lost Abu Talib and Khadija it's as though he lost his parents all over again so Khadija was his everything she was his rock and so much so that A'ayi Isha'a who was very jealous by nature she said I was a very jealous woman and the jealousy was not for any woman more than it was for Khadija whom I never met whom I never met and on one occasion she tells the Prophet Salah al-Salaam he constantly mentioned her and he's not just constantly mentioning her to A'ayi Isha'a she's just the only person complaining but he's constantly mentioning her to all of his wives and to all of his friends and he's constantly mentioning her and he's constantly seeking out the company of her old friends tell me this about Khadija tell me that about Khadija all those years she was 40 years old before I met her so I've got 40 years of memories about her that I don't have access to so you tell me about Khadija growing up with her and he would go and spend time with them and they would say Khadija is this Khadija is this after every meal he would tell the wives if there was anything left over distribute this to the neighbors don't forget our Jewish neighbor and don't forget the friends of Khadija so this was how he honored her he missed her dearly and though she was one of the richest women of all of the richest people of all of Makkah she died without a thing to her name without a dinar or a dirhan she died we talked about Abu Bakr who gave everything to the Prophet several times Khadija did no less Khadija did no less than that and she raised his children so this was Khadija I didn't want to speak too much about her we cannot speak enough about her but she was and then after the death of Khadija after the passing of Khadija the Prophet has a dream and in that after the passing of Khadija the Sahaba and especially the women among the Sahaba they see that the Prophet is without a caretaker in the home who will help him raise all of his daughters he's got six girls with Khadija six girls what are their names I'm sorry four girls and he's got two boys I'm sorry we go through the names and we have a number he had seven children he had seven children seven right six with say the Khadija seven with Maria I got some tatter so he had he had Zayna Zayna those were the four and then he had Abdullah Al Qasim Abdullah and he had Ibrahim so they saw that the Prophet had six children at home and Iman Ali and the children of Khadija how many children in that house he's got ten kids in the house and so they have they have to say that he's got to get married he's got to have some help at home and so they suggest they suggest to the Prophet Salah Salda and the Prophet Salah except he says go and ask Salda if she agrees then then that would be fine so the first person who marries after the death of Khadija is Salda and Salda is the daughter of Zuma Ibn Qais Ibn Abdul Shams Al Qureshiya she was married to a man called Sakran Ibn Amr and she had become Muslim along with her husband and they both migrated to Abyssinia in the second migration to Abyssinia there were two migrations to Abyssinia the first is when they got there and they stayed there for a while and then there was a rumor after the boycott there was a rumor that the Quraysh ended the boycott and accepted Islam so they all came back and then when they found that that was not the case a few of them went back to Abyssinia and a few new people went to Abyssinia she was among those new people who went to Abyssinia on that second migration and so after that migration her husband died and so one of the things that we find about her one of the things early on in the marriage that we find about her is that after the battle of the Bada she saw some of the people taken as prisoners of war and she had this site took her by surprise she was taken aback by that site how the leaders of Quraysh and other tribes are now they've got their hands chained to their necks and so she said something where she expressed her dismay and how at that spectacle and he reminded her he said that these are people who fought Allah and his messenger and she turned she came to her wits about it and her wits were restored and she said I apologize for that it was just a shock of seeing now so this was one of the things one of the encounters that we have we don't have very many encounters with one of the reasons for this is because she gifted her day to Aisha and she said I just want to have I don't have any desire for intimacy and it's enough for me if you keep me as your wife in that status I just want I want that relationship to you to be one of the the mothers of the page one and the Prophet SAW accepted that one of the things that she says on one occasion that she made the Prophet SAW on one occasion in which he led her in Salah and he had such a long that she grabbed her nose right and after the prayer was over she turned she said I grabbed my nose because I thought my nose was going to bleed from how long that prostration was and so the Prophet SAW said I laughed at that and she was one of the two women her along with Zaynath she remained in her house and did not perform hajj after she had performed the hajj with the Prophet SAW she did not leave the house to perform hajj again and they all went on hajj again and she refused to go on hajj again because her hajj with the Prophet SAW could not be replaced by another hajj SAW I said I don't know what I saw in the Prophet SAW I loved her to be in Saudi Arabia she said that I had not seen any woman who footsteps I would have liked to tread in terms of her personality in terms of her her demeanor than Saudi Saudi was known to be among all the wives of the Prophet SAW she was known to be the most the quickest to ease the Prophet SAW in following his command avoiding his prohibition that whatever the Prophet SAW said Sauda was the first person to implement it without any questions without any feedback as you command as you command and this was something that Aisha felt envy towards Sauda I wish I would like that that was not Aisha's constitution she was going to there was going to be a little bit of back and forth between Aisha and the Prophet SAW but Sauda there was no back and forth on anything no and she lived with the Prophet SAW for about five years three of them in Makkah and she died in the second year after the hijrah and she relates from the Prophet SAW one of which we just shared and then Aisha the Prophet SAW saw in a dream that he was going to that the Jibreel Al-Islam brought to him a gift that was wrapped in white silk and so he removed the silk and beheld Aisha and this was a recurring dream that came to the Prophet SAW three times that's related in Al-Bukhari and so when he would come out of that dream he said if this is from Allah then it will certainly come to pass and after the third day he sent word to Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him he sent a servant to Abu Bakr to ask with a hand and Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him responded saying can a man marry his niece this was not something he could conceive this was not something that he could he just never conceived that a man could marry his own niece so he sent this servant back to the Prophet SAW and he said Abu Bakr says that is it even possible is it even legitimate that you could marry your own niece and so Abu said Abu Bakr is my brother in faith he is my brother is that even an explanation a little bit of explanation yes okay this is a reaction when I'm getting from you a couple of you guys got it most of you are thinking right now so the Abu Bakr Al-Anhu his reaction is that how could the Prophet SAW marry his own niece meaning that how could the Prophet SAW marry the daughter of his own brother who is the brother Abu Bakr he sees himself as the brother of the Prophet SAW that you and I are brothers how can you marry my daughter if we are brothers and so the Prophet SAW said to him he sent word back saying you are my brother my brother in faith we are not more than that connection to us preventing them so Abu Bakr never thought never in his wildest dreams did he think that Aisha could ever be married to the Prophet SAW because he is her mahram being that Aisha is his niece so the Prophet SAW married Aisha and there is so much that we can share about Aisha but in the interest of time I am not going to speak very long about her there is a there is a story where the wives of the Prophet SAW I will just share one story about Aisha the wives of the Prophet SAW according to Aisha according to Aisha according to Aisha Aisha says she says she says the wives of the Prophet SAW we were two cliques we were two cliques and all of the wives of the Prophet SAW lived in the quarters that now if you are in Medina you know where the Prophet SAW is buried there is an enclosure where the Prophet SAW is buried that no one has access to that enclosure it is like a square enclosure all of the houses of the Prophet SAW were there all of the wives of the Prophet SAW lived in that enclosure in their own separate quarters and each one of those those quarters had a door leading to the Masjid so they all lived right there in that enclosure so she said that we were we divided ourselves into two cliques basically naturally organically I have to say organically organically they fell into two different cliques right she said she said she said she said she said they got along well they got along well they was alright with them she said she said she said Aisha, Hafsa Sauda and Safiya basically Aisha chose the women who were not really a challenge for Aisha those are the women she got along with right and then she says Um Salma and the rest of the wives right so Um Salma she would give a difference to her and she said and the rest of the wives right who whose names shall grow without mention so on one occasion the Muslims knew so what the Prophet ﷺ would do he had nine wives that were that were alive all at the same time one of his wives died just two, three months after he married her and so nine wives that he would split his time among these wives and he would grow a full day and night with one wife and in the next day and night he would be with another wife the next day and night he would be with another wife and so on and so forth he would spend his time equally with his wife so the Muslims knew who was the most beloved to the Prophet ﷺ on one occasion Amr Ibn As asked the Prophet ﷺ who was the most beloved person to you thinking he was the most beloved person and he says he says he says he just said so it's known and he said no no I don't mean no one can compete against that's known I mean among the men he says and he gives him a long list and he says as long as I was going to keep asking he was going to keep answering and I just had to stop asking hoping that I wasn't at the bottom of this and so Aisha was known and so the companions loved to give the Prophet ﷺ a gift so they would wait until he was in the house of Aisha in order to send the gifts to the Prophet ﷺ when he would be in the embrace of his most beloved wife Aisha and so this obviously is going to create massive tension massive tension every time and then Aisha of course is going to what happens is that when the gifts come and the gifts usually come in different forms sometimes it comes as food and if it comes as food then what the Prophet ﷺ is going to distribute that food among his wife it's not just going to be consumed by him and Aisha he's going to distribute it to his wife there's something like 30 kids in the house and I actually need to do you know how many children but one of the things that I intend to do in sha Allah is count all of the children above the wife so so if you are just imagine receiving a gift knowing that this is the night that the Prophet ﷺ is with Aisha and you're receiving a gift on that night and it happens again the next week the nine days later it happens again nine days after that so every night that the Prophet ﷺ is with Aisha you're getting gifts and it's Aisha's night so why doesn't he ever give gifts when he's with me and distribute it to Aisha and to the rest of us so this creates tension in the household of the Prophet ﷺ and Aisha is loving it Aisha is just loving it right and so her reputation she knows her status in the heart of the Prophet ﷺ because that status now is known to all the guys every man all of the companions know that this is how she is the beloved wife of the Prophet ﷺ and so they get together and they speak to Um Salama the leader of the other clique they speak to Um Salama and they say Um Salama ask the Prophet ﷺ that when he comes that he should tell the companions that if they want to send gifts that they should just send gifts they should postpone whenever they think to send a gift send it on that day that you think to send the gift and wherever the Prophet is the gift will be received it's not like Aisha's house is the warehouse for where gifts are stored right wherever the Prophet may be send your gift and put an end to this thing so Um Salama talks to the Prophet ﷺ about this and he doesn't respond and so she goes back and she says well he didn't say anything and they say okay the next time he comes to you then bring it up again and so she waits for how many days nine days and she mentions it again to the Prophet ﷺ and no responds the Prophet ﷺ knows what's going on he knows that it's jealousy from Aisha and then he goes back and he didn't say anything so they say don't let him go without a response solicit a response from him be resilient and solicit a response from him so she waits another nine days and so the Prophet ﷺ tells her don't harm me regarding Aisha don't harm me regarding Aisha do not harm me regarding Aisha do not harm me regarding Aisha and so Um Salama immediately says I would never harm you that I would ever bring harm to your heart and she retracts and she goes back to the wives and she says that this is what we said don't harm me regarding Aisha so they said to her and you just let it go and so they went then Fatima they spoke to Fatima like so they say okay he won't reject Fatima he won't say anything to Fatima oh no no no I'm sorry yeah yeah to Fatima and so Fatima goes to the messenger some laundry or something and she doesn't say what they said before which is whenever you receive a gift cause it's not about the gifts whenever you receive the gift you shouldn't be on any date have your companion send the gift whenever they think to send the gift she goes right to the heart of the matter and she said your wives have asked me your wives have asked me to plead on their behalf regarding the daughter of Abu Bakr so she's not in the prophesies in the messenger to you love who I love and she said yes he said then love this one and so she goes back to the wives and she says this is exactly what she said and they said you were not a faithful representative of us you did not represent us faithfully at all go back to him and tell him it's about the gifts right go back to him and tell him and so she said go back to him to speak about her and so she refused and so what did they do they sent Zaynab Bint Jash they sent Zaynab Bint Jash and Zaynab Bint Jash goes to the prophesies on the night that he is with Ayesha she goes right to the prophesies Ayesha is right there and Zaynab Bint Jash begins to talk about this and said this is just unacceptable and she said to the prophesies she basically said let me now put words in her mouth she said yes so she said all messenger of Allah your wives have sent me excluding herself from all the joy I'm just a messenger here your wives have sent me asking you regarding the daughter of Abu Kuhafa what did Fatima say that your wives are complaining to me about the daughter of what of whom of Abu Bakr so Zaynab says your wives are asking me regarding to come to you regarding the daughter of Abu Kuhafa who's Abu Kuhafa he is the the grandfather of Ayesha the father of Abu Bakr so the name Abu Bakr cannot be mentioned because if you mention the name of Abu Bakr you know the prophesies is not going to side with you it's going to side with Abu Bakr so they mention the name of Abu Kuhafa the daughter of Abu Kuhafa and so she begins them to talk about Ayesha she said she did this and she does this and she does that and she's just railing on Ayesha and Ayesha is just waiting for her moment and she's looking at the prophesies and was trying to see if there's any indication that the prophesies will allow her to respond until it became too much right, it became too much and then she knew from the prophet silence that she had permission to respond and she responded and she let her have it she answered every single thing that was said and she just unleashed on Zaynab into Jaffa regarding the other women and regarding Zaynab herself Zaynab is actually now it's not the other women who are sending Zaynab Zaynab also has a stake in this and so the prophesies of Zaynab after Ayesha is done the prophesies of Zaynab turns to Zaynab and he says she's the daughter of Abu Bakr and that's where that so it's done at that point it's done there's no turning back there's no other attempt after that she's the daughter of Abu Bakr you call her the daughter of Abu Bakr she's actually the daughter of Abu Bakr so my hands are tied she's the daughter of Abu Bakr this we have to look at this a little bit and say that I said I wouldn't talk very long about Ayesha but this is an example of an anecdote in her life the the request of the wives was understandable the scenario, the way it played itself out anyone would be anyone of those wives would naturally be justified in this type of frustration but the request of the wives was utterly absurd it was absurd just imagine the Prophet S.A.W. going to the Mimba after Juma you know you make your you have your Juma announcements right and the Prophet S.A.W. announces to all of these men who are sitting there saying if any of you, just imagine if he was going to follow what his wife if any of you have a gift that they want to send me let them send me that gift any day of the week and don't wait until I'm in the house of Ayesha to do so just imagine if he would have done that how ridiculous that would have been it was absolutely ridiculous the Prophet S.A.W. would never put himself in such a situation whatsoever one, the companions who had no intention of giving him any gift would now feel the obligation that oh my god I never even thought to give him a gift oh my god I don't even have the means to give him a gift but what am I going to do now I need to start shopping for gifts and the gifts would have just come to the Prophet S.A.W. from all quarters every single day the houses of the Prophet S.A.W. would just be storehouses for gifts every one of the houses of the Prophet S.A.W. would just have and there's no room in any of these quarters the quarters are very very tiny so what is he going to do with all of these gifts and who is going to actually invite his companions to gift him on this day or that day no one's going to do that so this is just one of the one of the social dynamics of Medina that the wives just had to accept this is just how it is just how it is they just had to accept that and so Aisha she enjoyed this religious status for the Prophet S.A.W. she said that the Prophet S.A.W. died with his head between my neck and my chest and in this discussion that he's having with the wives he says to her that he says to Fatima he says to Um Salama he says that the revelation doesn't come to me while I'm in the sheets of any of my wives while we're covered by the blanket under the blanket of any one of my wives except for Aisha that's where revelation comes to me so don't harm me concerning Aisha and the next wife of the Prophet S.A.W S.A.W is Hafsa bin Tawama Hafsa the daughter of Omar bin Khattab the story with Hafsa is that Sayyidina Aufman when I'm sorry Abu Bakr Omar approached Abu Bakr and offered Hafsa to Abu Bakr and Abu Bakr just fell silent he didn't say anything so Omar left but he left him with something in his heart Abu Bakr that hurt Omar that he didn't respond and of course he refused to even respond is an indication to Omar that he does not want Hafsa and so he goes to Aufman and this is after the death of Aufman's first wife Sayyidina Abu Bakr first first and Omar goes to Aufman and he offers Hafsa to Aufman and Aufman says Omar give me a few days to think about it and he gets back to Omar saying I'm not really thinking about marrying he's still mourning the death of Aufman so Omar goes to the Prophet and he says I'm just in shock at Aufman that he's not even he's refused Hafsa and he mentions Abu Bakr that he's not they're refusing to marry my daughter and so the Prophet says to Omar Allah will marry Hafsa to someone better than Aufman and he will marry to Aufman someone better than Hafsa and so for Aufman he will marry him to Umu Khutun to his second daughter and so Aufman becomes the possessor of two lights from the Prophet S.A.W the possessor of two lights and after Umu Khutun dies the Prophet S.A.W tells Aufman if I had another daughter I would marry you Aufman and so Omar Adhan who then receives the news that the Prophet S.A.W he tells her who is the one who's better than Aufman he says you're looking at him and he asks Omar for the hand of Hafsa and Omar Adhan who is elated beyond the and so he the next time he sees Abu Bakr Abu Bakr tells him maybe you harbor something in your heart against me and so Omar says yes and so he said he said don't, he said forgive me about it because I heard that the Prophet S.A.W was considering Hafsa and I didn't and if the Prophet S.A.W was going to do so then I would definitely not I didn't I didn't want to reveal the secret of the Messenger of S.A.W I didn't want to reveal the secret of the Messenger of S.A.W basically that if the Prophet S.A.W would have changed his mind that would have been a very difficult thing for Omar to so he wanted to preserve the secret of the Prophet S.A.W and allow him the the knee way to decide whether he was actually going to marry Hafsa and so he said had the Prophet S.A.W changed his mind I would have surely accepted your offer to marry Hafsa and so Omar he found comfort in his heart and everything went back to normal between him so this was Hafsa and so he told Hafsa Omar told Hafsa he warned her and he knew that whatever you do in this marriage do not follow the footsteps of Ahisha don't try to imitate Ahisha the feistiness the the back and forth the arguing that Ahisha would handle the Prophet S.A.W there were points that Ahisha angered the Prophet S.A.W several times so much so that the Prophet S.A.W told Ahisha he said I swear to the Prophet when you're pleased with me you say I swear by the the Lord of Ahmading I swear by the I swear by the Lord of Ahmading I swear by the I swear by the I swear by by the Lord of Ahmading so she said I swear I swear O Messenger of Allah, I don't avoid anything except your name. It's just your name that I turn away from, right? It's just, I don't turn away from you at all. It's just your name that I turn away from mentioning, right? In those moments, it's just your name. So it doesn't go past my lips, right? My heart is with you all the time. My heart is open to you all the time. It's just your name. So, Al-Murad Ar-Rumid, tells Hapsa, don't be like Aisha. And then another occasion, he tells her, don't be like the one who is in her own self-admiration of her own beauty. Don't follow the footsteps of the one who is, who admires her own beauty. But he told her basically to just maintain composure with the Prophet ﷺ. On one occasion, Safiyah, she, the Prophet ﷺ, confides in Hapsa a secret. And he tells her, do not reveal this secret to anybody. And so the Prophet ﷺ hears this secret then from one of his other lives. And he divorces Hapsa. He divorces Hapsa as a result of that. When the news reaches, Al-Murad Ar-Rumid, Al-Murad Ar-Rumid begins to throw dust upon his head. And he says, what will I say regarding myself and Hapsa on the Day of Judgment? How will I answer my Lord regarding myself and my daughter on the Day of Judgment? And he comes to the Prophet ﷺ and I'm commanding him to take Hapsa back, telling him that she is your wife in general. So take her back because she is your wife in general. In another narration, take her back to comfort the heart of her father. And so he takes her back. I had mentioned something about Sauda that I wanted to clarify. So Sauda did not live three years in Makkah with the Prophet ﷺ and two years in Medina and then died. That's not the case. But those five years, she was with the Prophet ﷺ where she lived with the Prophet ﷺ for those five years, which means that these were the five years that she spent with the Prophet ﷺ where her night was shared with Ayesha. And then she gave that night to Ayesha after those five years. Do I say anything more? How would you say it? How would you mention it? Because you promised to my attention. How would you say it? I don't think it was clear. How would you say it? Please tell me. Because I know after the lesson you're going to tell me, I would accept all of this. So please correct me. Yeah, I'm good enough. She passed away after the Prophet ﷺ. I had a similar confusion. You said that Hapsa was dead and she never went back for Hapsa. Yes, yes. So I was confused by that. I said that she had passed away after those five years. That was a mistake. So those five years she lived with the Prophet ﷺ. I'm not going to tell you that. But she shared the night with him and then she gave the night away. Exactly, she shared the night with him and then basically she gave that night away to Ayesha. So for those five years. Is that clear? It's not clear. So I missed both. And then we have Umm al-Mu'mineen, Zayn al-Pintu al-Zayma. Is the next of the wives of the Prophet ﷺ. Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. She was known even in the days of Jahliya as Umm al-Masakeen. She was the mother of the destitute. The mother of the poor. Umm al-Masakeen. She would give so much of what she owned. What was the name of the wife, son? Zayn al-Pintu al-Zayma. Zayn al-Pintu al-Zayma. And she was married to Abdullah al-Jajj, who was slain at Rohud and who was buried where Sayyidina Hamza was buried. They were buried together in the grave. So Zayn al-Pintu al-Zayma was known as Umm al-Masakeen. She had children that she brought into this marriage and the Prophet ﷺ raised her children and she only lived with the Prophet ﷺ for two or three months. And then she passed. So the marriage lasted two or three months. The commitments of that marriage outlasted the marriage by many, many years, right? Which was the children that she brought into that marriage were now the children of the Prophet ﷺ who he raised and who he spent upon and provided for until they all became of age. And so Umm al-Mubideen then he married after that Umm Salama bint Abi Umayyah. And Umm Salama also married a previous marriage. All of his wives had previous marriages, except for Aisha. And she brought into this marriage four children. So she brought four children into this marriage as well. Salama, Umar, Dodra and Zaynah. These were her four children. Umm Salama, her story is very difficult. She traveled to Habashah, right? And when she came back from Habashah to Makkah her husband had the idea that we should go to Medina, right? At that time it was Yathri. And this was before the Pledge of Aqaba. So this was the first household that actually left Makkah to Medina to make hijrah to Medina. Before the hijrah. They made hijrah before the hijrah. They made hijrah before the Pledge of Aqaba itself. And so Umm Salama prepared to go with her husband, Abu Salama, on this journey. And then when the tribes of Abu Salama and Umm Salama got wind of this, basically they fell into dispute over the matter because they were persecuting it. And the tribe of Umm Salama refused to allow her to accompany Abu Salama on this journey. So they split them and say, Abu Salama, you go and we are keeping Umm Salama. And then the tribe of Abu Salama refused to allow Salama, the son, to stay with his mother. And so they took the child and Abu Salama had to leave by himself and go on his own. Amana, I beg you, if any detail of what I'm sharing today is different from what you've heard or from what you know, or if I slip, or if I slip with a tongue or something like that, you must correct me because this is a trust. We are discussing the details of the life of the tribes. People are writing this in their notes. And we have people here who are far more knowledgeable than I am about these matters. So if there's anything that I have said that needs correction or clarification, please do clarify or correct and raise your hand or just interrupt me and clarify please. And so for an entire year, Umm Salama would go to a certain place and she would weep over being separated from her child and her husband for an entire year. This was a very difficult situation. And this was before the tribe of Abu Salama. This is in the heat of the persecution of the Muslims. And so they finally got to a point where they said enough is enough. This woman is grieving continuously and we have to solve this situation. So they seek to resolve it. They ask for the permission of the tribe of Abu Salama to remake with her to her husband to return the son to her. And this is finally approved. So she sets out on her own to make this journey all the way to Medina on her own by herself until Osman of Taha sees her and he says, where are you heading? And she says, I'm going to Medina to be with my husband. And he says, alone? She says, there's no one who's going to escort me. And so he said, no, I will take you. And he was not Muslim. And he escorted her all the way and she said, I escort him by love and that I never saw more. No, of course, the false had some being the exception. But she said, I never saw a more virtuous man than Osman of Taha. That every time that I was to mount or dismount he would bring my camel down or raise it up but he would leave. He would go far away and turn his back so that I can mount and dismount without having to worry about him seeing me. And he was a wonderful companion to her on that journey providing for all of her needs and he becomes Muslim later on but during this journey he is which is an interesting dynamic, right? Being a Catholic in that time and helping someone migrate to the Prophet's Resonance after persecuting that and having all of this on your mind throughout the entire journey of bringing Osman to her husband and thinking about all of this it is just a very interesting dynamic for Osman of Taha to play this role, right? But being that they couldn't just need her to go on her own and none of her own tribesmen were doing this then he stepped forward. And of course we all know about the role that she played in Hudebiya in getting all of the Muslims to comply with the command of the Prophet's Resonance we can't speak too much about her Umen Mubin Zaynab Bint Jaqsh is the next wife Oh, one thing about the Resonance she was the last of the wives of the Prophet's Resonance to die. She was the last one to die and that was in the year 59 and some say in the year of 63 and there's a very discrepancy here Umen Mubin Zaynab Bint Jaqsh Zaynab Bint Jaqsh was married to the Prophet's Resonance and she was one of the nobles of the Quraysh and the Prophet's Resonance married her to Zayn Ibn al-Hadid This was at the insistence of the Prophet's Resonance Zaynab did not want this marriage but the verse was already resonating in her mind that when Allah swt and his messenger decided that it is not for anyone who believes to have an opinion of their own after that and so she accepted Zaynab al-Hadid she married him but she was known to be a woman who was rather sharp and not very easy in the marriage Zayn tried over and over again to continue that marriage to keep that marriage together but it got to a point where it was unbearable and the Prophet's Resonance married Zayn to complain to the Prophet's Resonance and the Prophet's Resonance married Zayn to keep the marriage, to keep her and Allah swt revealed the verse on that occasion but that marriage dissolved Zayn divorced her and then the Prophet's Resonance married her and she was extremely devout she was known she took pride in this because she would tell the wives of the Prophet's Resonance that all of you were married except in Ra'isha but she said all of you were married by your family but the Lord of the Throne he is the one who married me about her it's also known that on the wedding night the companions after the Wadima they stayed and they overstayed their welcome and the Prophet's Resonance wanted them to leave but none of them left so he gave the signal he basically got up and left himself and went to spend a little bit of time with some of his other wives and then he came back and at that point they got the hint that okay maybe it's time to go and so this was the occasion of a verse being revealed that when you are in the presence of the Prophet's Resonance and he is home then don't overstay your welcome that this caused the Prophet's Resonance but he was shy to mention it to you but Allah is not shy but he was never mentioning what is true so Allah kind of brought that out and this was in the Prophet's care since we are talking about his character and his character especially at home when it came to his own rights or his own preferences or what would be convenient for him or preferable for him the Prophet's Resonance was the last person to speak on his own behalf and he just accommodated the scenario of however that the scenario played itself out he accommodated for it he found a place in his heart to accept it to as the decree of Allah and to make the best of the situation so as long as it concerned his own rights he was not going to speak about that but once it concerned the rights of others because these companions now who overstayed their welcome at the Prophet's house what they would do was they would do this with Abu Bakr they would do this with other of the companions they would stay longer than what was acceptable and at that point the Prophet's Resonance would go to them and say this is not acceptable don't stay too long after receiving the generosity or the hospitality of people don't stay too long and it's when it concerned the other companions when he saw that this was now becoming a habit now that we can't spend this time with the Prophet's house we will go to some of the other major companions and so this was what he had no tolerance for if it came to the rights of others or it came to the preferences of others he made sure that they learned those etiquettes but with himself it was very easy for them to overstep their welcome with him because this is very important especially in the presence of people who are so magnanimous and so generous it's very easy to have to lose composure with them and to take certain things for granted to take certain liberties around them and it's something that we have to be on guard for especially when we're dealing with people who are very close to Allah SWT whose aspect is more jamali than jalali what's dominant in them is their magnanimity as opposed to their majesty with a person who is a little bit intimidating it's very easy to have a certain decorum with them but a person who is smiling all the time who is adjusting all the time a person who receives you well who is warm, who is affectionate and compassionate and these are the traits that sort of dominate in that person it's very easy to take things for granted with that person and to lose that decorum and so this is one of the things that we learn in Allah is rushing to the province of defense here in revealing a verse about that and so he comes back to Zingam and he's with him and Aisha describes Zingam and this is important because Aisha is jealous of these wives but she's also the one from whom we receive the most praise of these wives but she's praising these wives that she killed that jealousy for them and so she says that she was the one who used to come to my aid in the household of her the governing of the affairs of the household of the Prophet SAW and I have never seen a woman ever who was more, who was better in terms of her devoutness and in terms of her fear of Allah than Zingam and in terms of or more truthful in speech or more loyal in terms of her familial ties or greater in terms of her charity while she had the tidaan on the nafsihah and the amani in the test of the day or more serious in terms of putting herself to the task that she had before herself and she was seeking certain proximity to Allah through that work so if there was something that she was a task that she was devoting herself to that she never saw someone more serious in that task because that task was going to bring her closer to Allah than Zingam and she was known as she was known as the shelter of the poor on one occasion they asked the Prophet SAW who is the first person who will meet you in jannah among all of the while the beautiful question to ask who is the first person who will be with you in jannah among us they wanted to know basically after his passing Saba Baal-e-Wadi was in a room who among them would be the first person to be reunited with him such that her happiness could be restored to her as soon as he said to her he said the longest of you in terms of your hands the one who has the longest hands and so after he said that they got a read out and they started measuring the hands of all of them they all gathered together and it turned out that Sauda had the longest hand her hand was the longest she had lived thinking that she was going to be the first person to die after the messenger SAW and she would be reunited with him and all of them thought that Sauda has that distinction they all relished in the distinctions that they had Aisha relished in that distinction that I am the only one I am the one who the last thing that reached the Prophet's stomach was my saliva that's the last thing after she had moistened the tooth pressure that's the last thing that reached the stomach with my saliva so Sauda lived all of her life thinking that she would be the one to die after right after the Prophet SAW was not the case because when Zaynab died and she died in the year 20 and she was the first person to die after the Prophet SAW they knew that they did not mean the one who had the longest hand literally but it meant the one who was the most generous so they had to find out what was the interpretation of that they said okay the only interpretation of that was the one who was the most generous among us and that was Zaynab and then after that the Prophet SAW married Zaynab and she was one of the daughters of Abid Diraab in Ben-I-Mustalla and Abid Diraab had there was a festival in Ben-I-Mustalla there was a battle in Ben-I-Mustalla Abid Diraab and he was the one who sought to wage war against the Prophet SAW to wage a battle and when he heard about this he preemptively sent the Sahaba to Ben-I-Mustalla and they ranged victorious in that battle and so what happened was many of the men and the women were taken as prisoners of war and one of the women was Jewelia the Tinhada and she had as a prisoner of war to one of the companions and so she herself tried to seek many missions for herself and she went to the Prophet SAW seeking aid as she sought her own freedom she didn't want to be a companion and so she wanted her freedom and this is interesting because her father led this war against the Prophet SAW her father was the one who wanted to wage this war against the Prophet SAW and she is coming to none other than the messenger himself seeking his help in getting her freedom from one of his companions the minute she comes to the Prophet SAW and she observes her and she says I hated her from the minute that I saw her because she had this pleasantness about her she had this beauty and she had this beautiful pleasantness about her that I knew the Prophet SAW would have seen just like I had seen I knew the Prophet SAW perceived it the way I perceived it and the Prophet SAW said to her would it not be more pleasing to you and she said yes that would be much more pleasing to me just to have my freedom back is to be your wife and so the Prophet SAW proposed her and Aisha who hated her at first sight she said that she has this love-hate relationship with all of these wives but there is not hate relationship I shouldn't have said that but she has this initial love for the situation not for the woman herself but just really you just come to the Prophet SAW there are many women that came to the Prophet SAW presenting themselves as what wives and Aisha she said really what would drive a woman to just gift herself and so none of the women who proposed to the Prophet SAW in that way actually were accepted the Prophet SAW didn't accept the marriage of any woman who actually proposed like that and he would fall silent and then someone one of the other companions would volunteer and the Prophet SAW would say yes if you were willing I can marry you to him and the woman would say yes as you please Aisha that happened several times this is all this could come up in the Q&A session I guess but they thought of marriage very very differently from how we thought we could marry for them because he's got to be my soul mate she's got to be my soul here with it they don't have it's easy it's easy with them to marry, to divorce, to remarry it's very easy for them like Dr. Homer says they're from a different country they do think a little bit differently right so what happens with Jewelia is that the Prophet SAW marries her and Aisha praises her saying that I don't know of anyone who was a greater blessing to her people than Jewelia because the day that she married the Prophet SAW all the companions freed all the relatives and they would say the in-laws of the Prophet SAW how are we going to have as prisoners of war the in-laws of the Prophet SAW so on that day more than a hundred households had their men return to them on the day that he married Jewelia so in a lot of ways the marriages of the Prophet SAW are to unite tribes and there's many wisdoms behind it and we're not going to get into all of this because it's going to take us off the topic but they're to unite tribes they're to soften hearts toward accepting and when he started after that people become Muslim because now he's part of the family so people convert people who were battle hungry trying to fight against the Prophet SAW through marriage through this relationship that they have to the Prophet SAW and Jewelia was known as being a person who had who was so devout and she would make dhikr constantly to speach constantly on one occasion it's related that the Prophet SAW he wakes up and he finds her sitting in her dhikr and Fajr is upon them and she remains in that position before Fajr throughout Salah al-Fajr the Prophet SAW comes back to her and Dhuha is close and he sees her in that position and he says you haven't moved from this place since this morning you didn't go to sleep and then wake up you didn't pray Fajr and then cut so she said yeah so I've been here so this is her dhikr this is her dhikr with Allah SWT this is the time that she's spending with Allah SWT in awe of her Lord constantly making dhikr with Allah and so the Prophet SAW said to her he said I've been to after 4 words 3 words I've been to since the day that was in Atunna SubhanAllah yubi hamdi so you've heard this Dhuha before right so the Prophet SAW makes these 4 words he says that had you said these 4 words they would have outweighed they would have outweighed all of the dhikr that you have done and these 4 words are SubhanAllah yubi hamdi SubhanAllah yubi hamdi SubhanAllah glory be to Allah SWT praise be to Allah SWT in accordance with the number of everything that he has ever created and in accordance with the extent to which he is content with himself and in accordance with the weight of his throne and in accordance with the full extent of every one of his words which are infinite the speech so had you said that dhuha it would have outweighed all of that time that he spent in dhikr and one should understand from this that the Prophet SAW is seeking to comfort him and he is seeking to make things easy on him one of us today would say good job and continue and if a person isn't able to keep that up a week later or 10 days later or a month later we will go back to that but the Prophet SAW's response was to facilitate for her and to alleviate for her the pressure of having to hold to this litany of hers and she continued in that she still continued in that but she would replace her supply of dhuha with this dhuha then became her litany that she needed constantly so she was known to be very devout in this way and then the Prophet SAW married Um Habiba the daughter of Abu Sufyan Um Habiba the daughter of Um Abu Sufyan right so Um Habiba was married to Obaid Allah ibn Ja'ash who was the brother of Zainab bint Ja'ash so Um Habiba is the former sister-in-law of Zainab bint Ja'ash right the former sister-in-law of Zainab bint Ja'ash so through her brother she married her brother and so she was the sister-in-law and then once he died she became the former sister-in-law that's what we mean so he he was known to be one of those who did not ever bow down to an idol he didn't like bowing down he didn't like the idols he never did that and so when the Prophet SAW began to call to he became Muslim along with his wife and he was one of those who went to Abyssinia and he settled in Abyssinia but then he began to change and she noticed in him that he was coming under the sway of Christian influence and up until the point where he actually became Christian and he began to drink his drinking began to sort of overtake him and he lived the rest of his life alone, he didn't be married and so she she sought divorce from him she didn't want to be married to him and so she was divorced and the Prophet SAW when he heard about this he became a servant all the way to Abyssinia and Najashi Najashi also told Zena he told her that she should seek someone to represent her in marriage and this servant came to Najashi telling Najashi that the Prophet SAW seeks to marry Habibah and obviously there is political implications in this marriage Habibah was one of the very first people to convert so she was there from the very beginning and as a way of honoring her the Prophet SAW sought to marry her but also being the daughter of Abyssinia is not incidental that's not just a coincident that's also part of this formula here that if he's married to the daughter of Abyssinia there is obvious political implications to that so the Prophet SAW has Najashi as his representative in this marriage so Najashi represents the Prophet SAW in marriage to Um Habibah and Najashi gives to Um Habibah 400 dina and he prepares the wedding feast and everything and Um Habibah also has a representative who represents her as well no and so she is married to the Prophet SAW through this long distance arrangement and then after the conquest of Khaybah when Jaffer bin Habibah becomes back from Abyssinia the Muslims are victorious in Khaybah he brings with her Um Habibah and so she comes with Jaffer bin Habibah and the Prophet SAW says I don't know what I'm more happier about the victory of Khaybah or the arrival of Jaffer and Um Habibah is united with the Prophet SAW at that point when news of the wedding actually read the news of this proposal and this marriage reached Abu Sufyan Abu Sufyan said basically he is saying this is he acknowledges that this is a great blessing indeed that there couldn't have been a more nobler honorable man for my daughter and he was still not Muslim at that time there are a few things from Abu Sufyan that are pretty astounding the Prophet SAW when the Prophet SAW goes back to the Ka'bah and he is surrounded by seven sons they all have their swords around the Prophet SAW and they tell him go make your Tawaf around the Ka'bah and he makes his Tawaf around the Ka'bah and he comes out and he says he says he says he says are you protecting him or have you converted and he says I am just providing my protection so Abu Sufyan says in an adjarnah he says then we provide our protection for the one who enjoys your protection so the Prophet SAW his last years in Mecca is enjoying the protection of Abu Sufyan there's a couple very interesting dynamics with Abu Sufyan there and obviously you guys all know that Abu Sufyan gave his eyes in one of the battles after having accepted the faith he loses his eyes in one of the battles when he comes to the Prophet SAW after his eye he has his eye in his hand and he tells the Prophet SAW the officer flying and the Prophet SAW says I can restore it for you or you will have a great much greater reward in Jannah if you're a patient and Abu Sufyan throws it on the ground and he steps on it in Muqman in Muqman and his son Muawiyah he's one of the scribes of the Prophet SAW so after this the Prophet SAW marries Safiyah Bint Fuiyey and Safiyah Bint Fuiyey was she was the daughter of the master of his people of Bannum Nadir Bannum Nadir she is the daughter of Fuiyey Ibn Akhtab and he was the chief of Bannum Nadir so in the battle of Khayba her I'm sorry she was married to Kinnana ibn Habib who was killed in the battle of Khayba and she did not have children with him so Safiyah falls in like after the battle of Bannum Kureyla Bannum Nadir she falls into among the prisoners of war of the Prophet SAW and she is given to one of the companions as a prisoner of war but because of her status as the daughter of Bannum Nadir the Prophet SAW goes to that companion or has word sent to that companion that Safiyah should be wed to the Prophet SAW and again there's deep political implications for that marriage that this is the daughter of the chief of Bannum Nadir it's not appropriate that she should be wed or that she should remain a slave or concubine of the just a random companion but she is the wife of the Prophet SAW that has social implications political implications that are profound and it's through such a marriage that the Prophet SAW has people like Abdullah ibn Nassanah the rabbi Abdullah ibn Nassanah and other prominent Jews become Muslim through this type of relationship now that they have with the Prophet SAW through marriage and Abdullah ibn Nassanah when he has his son he brings his son to the Prophet SAW and the Prophet SAW does the technique for him because the dates along his gums and everything and he names his son Yusuf he names him Yusuf his Jewish heritage so we find that Safiyah then is wed to the Prophet SAW and there's a few dynamics now that are introduced into the prophetic household as a result the Prophet SAW is now having to deal with not just the jealousy of his wife but it gets now to the point where it becomes it becomes this ridicule that the wives have for Safiyah being that she is the only non-Arab among the Jewish and so they begin to talk about her in this fashion on one occasion the the Prophet SAW goes out with I forget who it was but the Prophet SAW one of the Prophet's wives had a lot of camels and the camel Safiyah got sick on one of the you know who it was she had a lot of camels and the Prophet SAW the camel Safiyah got sick and couldn't continue the journey and so he asked for this wife to send to her sister Safiyah he did so he could have actually done it himself he could have commanded her to do so but this was the property of his wife so he didn't impose himself in that but he said it would be a good thing if you could send your sister Safiyah he says your sister Safiyah one of the camels and she said to your Jewish wife to your Jewish woman you want me to send a camel to your Jewish woman he set it up he set it up as to your sister and what did he mean by that what did he mean by that this is not something that he would normally refer to one of the co-wives as the sister he would not do that but because Safiyah was receiving such ridicule and she was sort of the outcast because of her Jewish heritage or Jewish blood he is accentuating that point emphasizing that point that she is your sister in Islam she is your sister she is also your co-wife she is my wife so it would be a good thing to loan her one of your camel she says to your Jewish woman and the purpose of that is to send a false sign and the day that he is supposed to come back to that wife and I'm sorry I don't remember who it was the day that he is supposed to come back to that wife because he is going every day with a different wife he doesn't come to her and then the next time he doesn't come to her again a good month full of Zayna bin Jash Zayna bin Jash so he doesn't come back to her until she falls into a state of despair false signs he is not going to come back and then he finally comes back to her but he makes no mention of anything and she makes no mention of anything but she never talks about Safiyah after that she never talks to her about Safiyah after on another occasion they call Safiyah a Yahudiya but they call her that not not just saying Jewish woman but Jewish with this scorn in your face and so she complains to the prophets and she says this is what the wife is doing so he says and he doesn't rebuke them he doesn't try them he doesn't engage them but he says the next time they do this tell them that your father is a prophet and that your uncle is a prophet and that your husband is a prophet in other words look at how Allah has honored you look at how Allah has honored you like my father and my uncle my father is Moses and my uncle Harun they are both prophets these people that you are reciting about that you are reciting in Quran every time you recite a story of Musa every time you recite a story of Harun just imagine after you get told that every time any of those wives who are scorned recited anything about Musa or Harun who are they thinking about Safiya it's already there now you can't forget that you can't remove that thought from your mind and you'll never be able to recite those verses the same way again so the prophet said he created that space in their minds so that any time the name Musa or Harun is mentioned they are thinking who he is and it creates this space of love in their hearts for Safiya now and that your father your husband is the prophet as well so she now he is uplifting her where she was feeling scorned she was feeling put down he uplifts her and he raises her status above theirs he raises her status above theirs he honors her look in what beautiful manner he honors her this is part of our legacy on one occasion this is before that because they never spawned her after that but before that on one occasion this was for Musa take that back on the prophet's death bed Safiya remarks that Ya Rasulullah if only that which is overcome you came to me instead and the wives of the prophet who are in her presence look at one another they wink so the prophet said told her go and rinse her he can barely speak and he tells the wives go and rinse your mirrors he said why Ya Rasulullah why Ya Rasulullah and he said from your waking from your waking that was gossip that was gossip that was akin to gossip so you've eaten her flesh because I'm doing nothing about what she says except that it's the truth but what she says is true she does wish that this came to her and I know that she's true and honest about that so look at the honor that he's giving look at that honor that he's giving under Allah so she died in the year 1950 and then we have Mehmunah she's the 11th of the wives so Mehmunah she was there's only a couple of things that we have to share Mehmunah, the interest of time here I could give you a rundown of her viral people really do have to cut it short because we also have Nani'ah and Nani'ah so Mehmunah, one of the things that happened in her house is that Ibn Abbas was related to Mehmunah she was his aunt he mentions the prayer of the prophet that happened in her house in which he prayed with the prophet and it took him all of in the first Raqqah he prayed all of Raqqah and then he bowed down for the same amount of time that it took him to recite our Surah in Raqqah and then he stood up and it took that same amount of time the standing took the same amount of time and he was saying Subhanallah but no, he was saying I forgot the but it took the same amount of time and then his his prostration this prayer happened in the house of Mehmunah also one of the things that happened in the house of Mehmunah is that they brought to him there was people who came to him as visitors and they brought with them grilled lizards so the prophet said when he asked he was told it was obvious what they were and the prophet started saying just refuse to eat from it and they said, Ya Rasoolallah is it haram you can't eat it he said this is just not what they said in Qa'an Qawmi this is not from what my people my people don't eat it Qawmi is basically my where I'm from we don't eat this but by no means so they all ate and then then we have Rehanah and Marya very very briefly Rehanah was one of the one of the concubines from and the prophet offered marriage to him and he said that if you like that you can marry one of the ways that they knew that a person was married or not was if they had a hijab or not if they actually wore them in Qab and so this was one of the distinctions that Jawali did not the wives did and so she did not she preferred, she said Ya Rasoolallah I would prefer that you would to remain as your concubine because I cannot fulfill your rights upon me I am worried about fulfilling my rights upon you so I would much rather remain as your concubine and she refused to accept Islam in the beginning and this bothered the prophet's life since then she embraced the faith thereafter and she was buried then the prophet also received as a gift from Muqaqas in Egypt he received a gift of a doctor a a slave two concubines who were sisters Maria and her sister Sireen and also a donkey a very healthy, robust donkey and it was this donkey that the prophet said in Muqaqa and Dhul Dhul means porcupine so he received the donkey and so the Maria and Sireen the one who was bringing them from Egypt this was a gift that was given to one of the Muslims who were coming back he was speaking to them about the prophet's life and who he was and so they became Muslim on the way they became Muslim they became Muslim on the way and then when they came to the prophet's life she was mad obviously Iesha and once she saw Maria she had that reaction against her the prophetbanked Sireen to Hassan Babylon he freed the slave he accepted the donkey he sent the doctor back saying We are people who do not eat unless we are hungry, and when we eat, we don't feel our stomachs. So the doctor had basically nothing to do there, he wouldn't have anything to do in the meeting. Just a man going to medical school, learning all this stuff, and there's nobody coming to you. And he's like, we've got this thing taken care of, right? So he went back, right? And so Maliah is the only woman to give birth to any of the Prophet's children besides Khadija. And she gives him Ibrahim. And the Prophet ﷺ would go and visit Ibrahim often, and he would smell him, and he would take him from his wetness and give him back, and he would spend time with Maliah there. She became Um Waleh, right? She became Um Waleh. And basically if you have a concubine, that through her giving birth, she's no longer the status of a concubine, but she is called Um Waleh, which means that she is in this middle space where she has all of the rights of a life without having to fulfill all of the obligations of the world. And her children are born free. So it breaks the cycle of concubine and breaks the cycle of slavery, breaks the cycle of slavery. And that's an institution that the Prophet ﷺ himself brought to bear, right? That was not there before, that was not instituted before. And so we find in this, just very briefly to comment on this, very briefly, the Prophet ﷺ had to give an example for all possible scenarios of people who were there at that time. For the Muradun, for the Celebit, he had to exemplify celibacy. And so he lived up until the time he was 25 Celebit, which was unheard of at that time, where you can have all kinds of relationships with, and it's just, it's unrestricted. And the youth of, especially as a young man growing up in a society where there was no limit on the number of slave girls one could have to be celibate up until the time you're 25. And then marry someone who's 40, right? He exemplified what it is to be celibate. And he exemplified what it is to be monogamous because he was married to Khadija for 25 years. And had Khadija remained, he would not have married anyone else. Khadija offers the Prophet ﷺ to marry and he doesn't marry. She offers him concubines and he doesn't take concubines. So he lives that life of monogamy with Khadija throughout all of their marriage. And then Khomijini, a person who is in a state where he has more than one wife, he is the example for that as well. And for people who had concubines, he was the example for that. And whether those concubines would give birth, he was the example for that. And whether those concubines would not give birth, he was the example for that. So he fulfilled all of the roles for every possible situation of marriage or concubining. For every man who was there in Medina so that they knew exactly how to bring to all of those relationships the quintessential exquisite ethic of nobility, integrity, of chivalry, of how to deal with those situations. So he had slaves and he also freed slaves. So he could exemplify every possible role in that social, in the way that social, in that social dynamic that they were living back in those days. The Pope's high sense didn't bring concubines, he didn't bring polygyny, he didn't bring slavery and institute these things as part and parcel of what Islam brings to a society when it comes in. All of that was just, that was how this society, that's what the Pope's high sense was born into. And so he exemplified every possible way of managing those relationships with the utmost degree of character and ethics and nobility. And that was from the great wisdom of Allah swt in arranging those. Even marrying the wives of your adopted son who divorced them, even that had to be exemplified. You see what I'm saying? In his own personal way. So with that I just wanted to shed light on that because there may be a lot of questions about that. So there are many aspects to describe the Prophet's family like at home. So I have to be very selective, especially given the talk, how do you condense sixty-three years, sixty-one solid years, how do you condense that to four hours? It's impossible, you cannot, all we can do is take glimpses and from those glimpses and draw out implications and draw out as much as we can for our own benefit in a limited time. But this is really a lifelong study. Studying the home life of the Prophet's family is one of the ways, one of the best ways I think to draw close to Allah swt. And we want to go back to that theme of the blessing that Allah swt has given each and every one of us in our husbands, in our wives, in our fathers, in our mothers, in our children, in our siblings because these are the people to whom we are bound. And if you think about the Arabic language, it's so fascinating. The words that we have in the Arabic language for family have this running theme throughout our life, which is to cling or adhere to something. So you take the word for Ha'idah, which is an extended family, Ha'idah. Well, let's start small with tif, right? Tif is a baby. But tufayin is a parasite, a blood sucker, right? That's a tufayin. And the word for baby is related to the word for parasite because that parasite cleans on to you and it sucks your blood, right? You become the source for their life, just like that baby will cling on to the breast of the mother and suckle towards dear life, right? So the word for parasite, the cling on, right, is the same word that we have for baby. And you take that further and you go to brother. Ah, and ah is related to afya. And afya is a rope by which you tie your horse to a peg in the ground, right? That's a rope. And so that horse cannot break free from that peg. It becomes an un... That horse is bound, right, to that peg, just like that baby is bound to its mother or father. And then you go a little bit further and you say, okay, the word for family then, nupi or family, is usra, right? And usra is related to the word asir, which is a captive or a prisoner of war, right? Who is bound to you, right? As the victor in that battle, that prisoner is bound to you now. And in a society that practices slavery, that prisoner becomes essentially your slave, right? He cannot come out of that relationship except through formal means, manumitting himself when you're freeing him. But in other words, that slave is bound, right? And then you go from there to an extended family. And an extended family is the word for that, is haida. Aida is a person who is dependent on someone else, right? It means to be dependent on someone. Bound to that person for your sustenance, right? So you have this running theme throughout all of these words that are not related, in terms of their roots. Tafala, khasara, awala, ahawa. These are not related roots, but they are all related through this running theme throughout them which is to cling on to something and to be bound to it. Allah SWT has set the situation up to where a person cannot divorce their parents. They cannot divorce their children. They cannot get out of that relationship. And even if a person sort of walks out and moves across town, right? They are legally obliged to take care of those people, right? Until they die. Until they die. They are the responsibility of those people. The parents or the children are the responsibility of the parents until they become of age. And then it reverses. The parents are the responsibility of the children until the parents die. You see what I'm saying? We are bound in those relationships. So the dynamic of these relationships is such that Allah SWT, at the end of these relationships, there is jannah. And he puts jannah under the feet of the mother specifically, right? And so my ticket out and into the divine presence is only through my wife. It's only through my husband. It's only through my parents. It's only through my children. And my mourning lit me as I reach, as I begin every day is, Oh Allah, not me, but I'm saying in general, should be. Oh Allah, enable me to be the jannah of the people you have surrounded me with. In order me to be, enable me to be a meadow of heaven for my wife. Enable me to be a meadow of heaven for my husband. Enable me to be a meadow of heaven for my parents. Enable me to be a meadow of heaven, a safe haven for my children, right? Because through them, your character is refined. It's only through them. Think about your siblings, think about your parents, think about your spouses. It is only through those people that your character is refined. It's not refined over lunch. It's not refined as you sit in this room. It's not refined. All the homework is done at home. All the homework is done at home, right? So, where do we begin? What can we say about Prophet's whole life? Except to take glimpses of this beautiful life that he led, and to use them, insha'Allah, as a means to inspire ourselves to embody these principles. The Prophet's whole life is the example. And a lot of times when we think about how the Prophet's whole life was at home, there is a hadith that comes to our mind, right? And what is that hadith? It's a hadith that you expected to hear at this lecture today, right? As you were driving your car or as you were thinking about, should I attend this class right now? There's a certain hadith that sort of comes into our minds, right? What is that hadith? About how the Prophet's whole life was at home. Ladr, please, Ladr. Be good to your family, and I'm the one who is the best person. Okay, that's a beautiful hadith. There's another one. That's about the character. I'm talking about the Prophet at home, yes. He wouldn't say no. He wouldn't say no. We are not asking the question clearly. When we think about the idea of the Prophet at home, and what he used to do at home, there's a certain hadith that rises to prominence. Yes. The Prophet's whole life was in the service of his family. He was in the service of his family, right? That's usually the hadith that we will hear about this. And it's usually the only hadith that we will hear about this. And that hadith is usually mentioned to remind men to serve their wives, right? So pretty much, you know, the men, whenever they hear it, they say, okay, here we go again. Take a deep breath, right? And the women are saying, see, see, you know, see. So this is the hadith that you don't want the Khatib or the teacher to really dwell on too long, right? Just mention it. You can mention it, but it's okay to mention other things before and after. So it sort of blends in, right? I would like to take a step back from that, because I think that's problematic, the way that this hadith is used and taught, and the way that this hadith is received, and the expectations that we place on a hadith like this that he was in the service of his family, because the way that we have gone about the pedagogy of this hadith, if you will, is that this hadith relates to men serving or not serving their wives at home, right? And yes, on the surface, that's true. But I dare say that this hadith applies to men, and to women. Is not the Prophet ﷺ and the example for both the men and the women? He's the example for both, right? The Prophet ﷺ is the example for both, the men and the women. And the whole purpose of being in close proximity to these families is to serve them, whether or not you're a man or a woman or a son or a daughter or the parents are in the service of their children. And then the children are in the service of their parents. The wife is in the service of her husband, and the husband is in the service of his wife. And so what is going on with this service? What is really at the core of this is love. This hadith is all about love, because if you love someone, you will serve them. And the Prophet ﷺ had loved his wives. And he served them. And he loved his servants. Sorry, not his servants. He loved his servants. And he served them. There are many things that the servants would have done that the Prophet ﷺ would take up for himself. Hadidya Radellallah walks in on him several times, and he finds him mending his own clothing. And she says, if you would only let the servants do that, we have servants. But one of those servants was Zayn, who was gifted to Hadidya. And the Prophet ﷺ, she gifted him to the Prophet ﷺ, and he became the adopted son. In the time of Hadidya, the Prophet ﷺ is mending his own clothing, which is not the work of free men. It's not the habit of free men in that society. That's why you have servants, right? She would say, just give this to one of the servants. And the Prophet ﷺ would look at her smile and continue mending her clothing. So he was in the service of his servants. So the whole point about this is not just how men should be at home. Yes, there's a lot to be learned there. But it's also how women should be in the service of their husbands. How women should be in the service of their parents and their children. How men should be in the service of their wives. And how men should be in the service of their parents and their children. The whole family is coming together to serve. And what we see in the Prophet ﷺ is that whatever needed to be done, he just did it. And there's constantly things that had to be done, in a house. And running a household, there's a hundred things that just have to be done, to keep that household running, running smoothly, to keep everything cleaned, to keep everything organized, to keep everything just going from, to keep the routine going. Where there's not all this clutter around and all this, especially they didn't have clutter back then, but we definitely had some clutter. So basically the principle is that the Prophet ﷺ, if there was anything to be done, he did it. And if there was anything that his wives needed help with, he helped. Which also, which goes across, so he's not just the example, the point I'm trying to make is that he's not just the example for men here, but he's also the example for the women as well. And so, specifically, specifically, we do have admonition and advice directed toward the men. Specific, right? And the Prophet ﷺ has said in the Hadith that you mentioned, خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِيْسَ عَلِمْ وَخَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِيْعَلِمْ Right? The best of you are those who are best to their women. Right? To their women. Which doesn't mean to their wives. It means to their women. Right? He didn't say he was of Jatumi. He didn't say, right? He didn't say Nihadi in other narrations. And Al is either wives or it's their family. Right? But he said خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِيْسَ عَلِمْ in another. Which includes men and the mothers. And it includes the sisters. It includes the wives. It includes the daughters. It includes the aunts. Any woman in your household if you want to reach the pinnacle of character of virtuous character then the best of you are the best to all of those women. Not just the wives. Not just the wives but to all of those women. Right? To all of those women. No matter what. No matter what I have we have someone here on midst here. No matter what. It doesn't matter what day of the week what's going on that day. There's a ritual that he has that at a certain hour of the day he's going to pick up the phone and call his mother. That's what he does. He's always done that. Here. Someone here in this room. It doesn't matter. You can have the greatest shape at a mollet or a conference or something like that in the middle of the speech. He will leave and get on the phone for a 20-30 minute conversation in his mother. Right? So this is the type of honour that the prophesies are made is conferring specifically to the women that by which the men are now measuring themselves. If they want to know where do I stand with Allah the barometer for that is where do I stand with my women? Where do I stand with my mother? Where do I stand with my wife? Where do I stand with my daughters? Where do I stand with my sisters? What place do I have in their heart? And that is a good indication of where I am with Allah in terms of character. So specifically he meant the men in such a hadith. And this is very important that these hadith these hadith are utterly revolutionary in a time that they were living in where women were inherited just like property. Where women were regret where women were were traded on a slave market. You could go and buy a woman right? That's how the past was right? And over time the rulings of the prophet and the rulings of Sharia over time are going to phase all of that out phase it all and this requires us to take a step back a little bit because someone asked me in the Q&A session a question regarding slaves Neel the prophet Noor Jibril Noor Allah swt in his revelation instituted slavery but slavery was always there it regulated with a strong encouragement to phase it out over time with a strong encouragement but it was a necessity of that time in a place where you had battle after battle after battle where men were being slaughtered and slain on the battlefield and you had an overwhelming number ratio of women to men in an environment where people did not have protection for themselves it was tribal but there was also the threat of imminent danger just on this highway you couldn't travel from place to place without protection and this was for the men and the women so it was in the best interest of many people to be the clients or the slaves of a certain clan or tribe and to receive the protection and the guarantees afforded them through that relationship now there were great abuses that the Prophet ﷺ came and he outlawed one of them is if you ever strike a slave then that is immediate freedom for that slave they are immediately free if you were ever to strike a slave and their rights were we can go through this I don't want to spend too much time on this but they eat from what you eat from they dress from what you dress and Sayyid al-Komi khadim the Prophet ﷺ said that the master of people is the one who serves him as a slave hearing that what does that do? what does that do for you as a slave? hearing that and for random sins random sins random sins the explanation for it you want forgiveness from Allah free a slave what does that have to do with fasting intentionally breaking my fast or swearing in oath and not keeping it what does freeing a slave have to do with that there's got to be some other spiritual like send me to the mountains for a week or something like that to contemplate and meditate my state and how horrible a person I am because I lie about the oath in order to get on the good side of God I got to go find a slave and free him so if that is the ethos of what's being taught then how are these same men going to go into the state market and buy slaves so over time this sort of phases itself out over time there's so many issues that we can address regarding this but the point I think just to keep in mind is that we cannot judge whatsoever the past by the values and the ideals of the present and over time for many reasons and for many divine wisdoms over time this issue became phased out such that now we don't have slavery and it would be totally against the Sharia to try to revive that aspect of the Sira because the Sunna of the prophesied Sunna was not to institute it it wasn't to bring slavery to people who didn't have slavery it was to phase it out wherever it was to phase it out wherever it was so we mentioned this just in light of restoring to the woman the honor that was hers all of all so then we get into some of the anecdotes that we have prepared insha'Allah for you the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam in the name of Allah the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam in the name of Allah the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam in the name of Allah would converse with his lord he would pray to his lord about the responsibilities that he had and he would say Allah is the best that I can do in terms of what is under my what is in my control so do not take me for what is outside of my control what he meant by that is the I give to my wives exactly the time that each of them is entitled to to the best of my ability so do not take me to account for that which is not in my control which is my my heartfelt attachment to some of them over others one of the things about this that is so fascinating is that there is Allah has revealed a verse in the book of Allah in his book that allows the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam to distribute his time among his wives in any way he saw fit to skip the visitation of some of his wives if he saw fit to replace the day of one of his wives with the day of another of his wife as he saw fit to not go to some of his wives as he saw fit the Allah swt gives him that permission and in the last two weeks of his blessed life he is with Meymouna and the pain comes to him right and he asks Meymouna's permission to go and spend his last days in the house of Aisha and he goes to each one of his wives and seeks their permission to spend his last days in the house of Aisha at the end of his life and that is only after living for years having never taken the license that Allah swt gave him that even though he had that choice even though he could have done anything that he wanted in terms of arranging that visitation he never once took that license but he would give everyone a fair amount of time in accordance with his ability to do so and he was taking care of family he was taking care of all of these women in their family right so on one occasion though we do have he spent a little bit more time with Ali al-Safiyyah who had the honey that's Safiyyah no not Safiyyah sorry that was the honey Zaynab Interject let's go with that Zaynab Interject for a little longer she had this type of beautiful honey that he liked and so the other wives got together and they said he spent a little too long but what we should tell him is that when he goes when he visits you after the dinner then you should ask him if he's been eating I forgot the name of the word but if he had eaten from a certain plant that had a certain food that had a featured order maybe he'll stop going stop spending that much time at the Zaynab's so they did this he heard from more than one of his wives Zaynab Interject so he he heard from more than one of his wives the same thing and they sort of deceived him a verse on that account and he said because he said I'll never go I'll never eat that again I'll never again and Allah swt reveals the verse to the Prophet why do you forbid what Allah has permitted so sometimes it took divine revelation just to just to resolve the conflict so on several occasions several occasions I shall rather love to honor and I is asked and the reason that she is asked is because she is the one who has from the Prophet ﷺ she is the one who is teaching the most she's teaching more than all of the other wives of the Prophet ﷺ she relates two thousand two hundred some hadith from the Prophet ﷺ if you combine all of the hadith that all of the wives of the Prophet ﷺ were related to him it doesn't come out to one-third of what Aisha relates from the Prophet ﷺ so she is she's the one who's being kind of and they come to Aisha and they ask her these are on several occasions these men come to the Messenger ﷺ the two of Aisha after his passing and they ask this question was asked several times and every time she gives a different response highlighting a different detail of the Prophet's life so much whatever she remembered and on one occasion she says he was in the service of his family but he was constantly in the service of his family this wasn't incidental he didn't just have a good month one year where he was just helping out around the house but he was consistent in the service of his family consistently his service was such that whatever was needed he would just do it and it was very difficult for him to actually ask for things to be done it's very difficult he did have say the Prophet ﷺ was there and said the Prophet ﷺ was so in tune with the Prophet ﷺ's needs that he was just that the Prophet ﷺ was there from the time that he was 10 to the time he was 20 that the Prophet ﷺ was scarcely had to ask him that for him to learn throughout the years how to beautifully serve the Messenger ﷺ one of the things about this that should be mentioned when we say that he was constantly in the service of his family is that also his family was constantly in his service we tend to forget that his family was constantly in his service as well and this is a very good reminder to especially the men here because I think the women by default are giving in that capacity in terms of raising the children serving the children the needs of the children and also usually the domestic affairs fall on their shoulder so they are already in the service of their husbands and fathers and their children and so the men have to be in their service as well because they recognize that the women are in their service the husbands have to be in the service of their wives because the wives are in the service of their husband so this was a two-way two-way street the focus is usually on the Prophet ﷺ in this hadee that he was in the service of his wife but what were his wives doing what we're in the service of his wives as they were in his service and and in this respect we get different hadeeh with Aisha even says that and he would even cut the meat with them with a chop chop of meat with them in the kitchen right quote unquote I projected that they didn't have kitchens and you know but but wherever they were doing the chopping of the meat the Prophet ﷺ would chop the meat with them who are they chopping that meat for the Prophet ﷺ so they are in his service and so he is serving them as they serve him he is facilitating for them the service that they are offering to him and so there is a mutual service that's going on where the husband is recognizing this beautiful service from the wife and the wife is receiving the help of the husband as she is trying to serve him in the best way that she can right in other words break it all down to one word love love love love that's where it comes from that's where it comes from love right services and it's a manifestation of love if you love someone you serve plain and simple if you love someone you serve if you love your teachers you serve if you love your parents you serve if you love your children you serve them and and at that service is sacrifice you sacrifice for them I swear by Allah the beloved is not mentioned in the presence of the lover except that he sacrifices drunk and out of his wits sacrifice just by the mere mention of the name of the beloved he's ready to sacrifice where are those types of lovers who consider the sacrifice of everything they own and their very own selves yet insignificant where are those lovers can they I mean she said he was constantly in the service of his family but when the prayer was called he would live for the prayer and another narration she says that he would that his face would change and it's as though he didn't recognize anyone in front of him right when Bilal not the other word in the mat the name of the tomb would call for the adab it's as though he didn't notice it's as though he didn't even see us and try again right because his lord was calling upon him and so she says in other narration that he used to sew his clothing mend his sandals he used to milk his goat and he would serve himself we are the one of several and he would serve himself now the fact that we have so many narrations indicates to us that this was a major concern for the men who came after the Prophet ﷺ who had this tremendous task of being the very best to their window we don't have women asking Haidisha how was the Prophet at home right we have men asking Haidisha how was the Prophet at home men over and over again they ask her how was the Prophet at home which shows that their main concern was how do I become prophetic privately how do I become prophetic at home how do I reflect the Prophet sooner where it's not in the public sphere with those closest and nearest and dearest to me and this was their main concern I want to follow the Prophet ﷺ at home how can I do that tell me what he used to do at home so that I may do so so that I may bring a prophetic light into my house light that shines so bright it just bounces off the wall and blinds my wife in her ecstasy that's what I want to do I want to bring that prophetic light home right and some of these men have problems in their marriages like all marriages have problems and so they they're curious with all these problems I'm having in my life how would it the Prophet ﷺ engage his wife how what was his secret that kept all his marriages intact and that kept all of his marriages blessed what was his secret maybe if I apply some of those secrets I will have the same results at home right I'll have the same type of dynamic the same beautiful relationship with my wife and so after hearing this can I after my husband that he used to serve himself you find these same people who are asking these questions of my issue that if you saw them in public and they were on their their horses and one of them dropped something like their whip or something like that they dropped it and they're surrounded by people they would insist on dismounting and picking up that whip and mounting again and their servants are there and there and there are other people who are around right but these men have just been told that he used to be in his own service he used to serve himself right and so this is what we find among those men who ask that question later in public that they were known that it was known about them that they would be in their own service and the Prophet ﷺ is compassion with his wives who is double that of anything else and this is the the the the al-Baswa says wujan benyakum mawattatan wa rahma and we placed between you affection and compassion right affection and compassion and the Prophet ﷺ is binina r'ufun t'aheen right he is with the faithful he is kind and compassionate so the wives of the Prophet ﷺ had double dosage of that right they had the muwadda and the rahma because they were the wives and also they had the rahma that he gave to all the mu'minin because they were mu'minin right uh so they they they enjoyed that they enjoyed that and that's why when they would give them the choice to divorce him or to stay married to him and this choice came after they would complain to the Prophet ﷺ that that there wasn't enough that everything that comes in goes out and they don't have enough for what they need for for for what they want the Prophet ﷺ fulfilled all their needs right but they wanted beyond their needs they wanted they wanted they wanted the matter to to to expand a little bit just a little bit they weren't making too many demands on him but on one occasion the pressure was so great that the Prophet ﷺ had left his quarters all together for an entire month he didn't stay with any one of his wives for an entire month and the verse comes down giving them all the the option of staying in the marriage or of having their their marriages dissolved and starting with someone else whatever they wanted to do right and each one of them chose to stay in that marriage each one of them and in this way they all partook in that sacrifice in this way about the Prophet ﷺ if any one of his wives felt ill he would take care of them personally on one occasion the Prophet ﷺ is with one of his wives and then the night comes for Mahisha so he comes into Mahisha's quarters he finds her with her back against the against and she was lying down um fake sleeping so the Prophet ﷺ that comes and he disrobes and he lies next to her but then he removes himself from her puts on his clothing again and he tiptoes out of the room and leaves so Mahisha gets dressed and she hurries in her getting dressed and getting ready she she's she's hastened and she goes and she's seen she's trying to see where the Prophet ﷺ is going is he going back to one of his wives or not and so the Prophet ﷺ that leaves and she follows him and he heads out to the Bakiya and she follows him and he's praying there at the Bakiya for that he's a making dog at the Bakiya and then he turns heading back and she turns and he walks a little bit briskly and she walks briskly and then he starts to jog and then she starts to jog and then she starts to run all the way back and you know how far it is right you know how far the Bakiya is from the from the from where the Prophet ﷺ is there so she comes back she throws off her clothing gets into her whatever she was dressing she gets into the bed the same position but she's panting a little bit and she's got this glistening on her on her forehead from you know what is going to the perspiration and so the Prophet ﷺ comes to her and he says he says he says the Hashem Rabia right he said which means which means basically you know what's this glistening right what's this glistening what is this what is this acceleration in your breath right your breathing having your panting is glistening in this panting what is this all about and so she said to the to the Prophet ﷺ he said to a Ya'a'ish, not Aisha, Ya'a'ish taking off the tabla buta one of his nicknames for him he also called her alhamdulillah right the little red one for her bashfulness for a modest senior bashfulness say Na'a'isha I was just mentioned to see Ali you know toward the toward the end of her life as she's on her deathbed people want to come and spend time with her and give her their last words and receive her last words Na'a'bas is one of these people and she says don't I don't want to see him Na'a'bas and she said in Na'a'bas's system coming she said no I don't want to see him because he's you know Na'a'bas has this this soft tongue he's going to praise me and I don't want to hear anything about it in his comfort in Na'a'bas was was in way console people who was very generous with his words and he would try to uplift the spirits of people you know so they they okay so she finally got him in and so he comes and he says glad tidings to you Aisha, glad tidings to you you're this close to being reunited with the the prophets of Allah that is so glad tidings to you you are this and you are that and you have this virtue and that but you are this right and he starts to go and so she says daqa that daqa has a stop stop right there just just stop and he said his farewell he prayed for her and he left and then some of the companions came in and they asked her and just you know after that conversation she tells them and where is she she is in her own home and who is there Sayidina Muhammad SAW her her husband and her prophet is buried there her father is buried there Sayidina Muhammad SAW is buried there why isn't Aisha buried there if she died in her own house she died in her own house why is she not buried there why isn't she buried with her own husband whose decision was that that was her decision she said bury me with my with my with my companions with my Salafi Salafi my my co-wives buried me with a very very new man for who am I to be buried who am I to be buried and you imagine and you imagine that was me and that was me I mean I understand the sentiment who am I to be very yes absolutely who am I to be buried in the prophet's eyes and who am I I am nobody right I know that sentiment very well right but then I'll start to make but you know his light and you know the honor and it's a gift from Allah swt who am I to reject the gift from Allah swt I justify it a million with one way when Aisha was the one who had the most right to that and it's in her own her own home she can get buried wherever she wants it's it legally she has that right right unless the prophet himself says i mean gave her some command like you cannot be buried here you must be buried in Bukhia she had every right to be buried next to her husband and what wife would not want to be buried next to her what husband would not want to be buried next to his wife if it's a happy marriage based on love but she says no bury me and with my co-wife who am I to be buried next to her so say what you will about Sayyidina Aisha there are people in this ummah who have things to say about Sayyidina Aisha astaghfirullah astaghfirullah it's only through her decision that when they visit the prophet's eyes that that they are not also visiting Aisha it's only through her decision that that's that that's the case through her humility that that's the case and that is humility beyond that is humility to the degree that i cannot find that i cannot find the closest person to the prophet the most beloved person to the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the person had the most right to the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam removes herself and has herself has her soul buried has her body buried meters away from her after spending the most intimate moments with her she says who am i who am i to be buried next to him so he said Yaaash Hashan Rabia Rabia she says Qutu La Shaiq she said oh it's nothing he says you're gristling and panting her you're perspiring and panting she said oh it's nothing so he said you either you would tell me or the one who's well acquainted with all things would tell me so so she says Yaaash Hashan Rabia when you came in i i knew and then you left i thought you went with one of the two so she said there's no way i'm going to keep this she says the other end i will owe you i i i ransom my father my mother for Yaaash Hashan Rabia and so i mentioned everything to him and so so he said so you that black figure that black form that i saw in front of me as the prophet's rushing back to her he sees this black form in the distance right so you this black form that i saw running in front of me she says so she said she confessed and the prophet said Yaaash Hashan he said he said i came in and i found you sleeping and so i didn't want to disturb you and Jibril Ayesha came to me and ordered me to go pray for the people of the pia and i didn't want to wake you such that you would feel loneliness in my absence and then i rushed back to you then i rushed back to you so that the time would not be prolonged away from you and so this was you know this was uh you know he uh he woke up he woke up like where are you and where am i where is your head and where is mine where do you see you where are your thoughts taking where are your thoughts taking it's just your jealousy is overcoming and and look at where my thoughts are i was i was you know so so he's showing her the concern the consideration he had for some of the other end of the summer say the Amr of Iran who he on one occasion he comes and he says he's relating this he says and so we in another narration he says we used to control our women and then in Medina we met men who were controlled by their women and so our women began to learn from their women and so on one occasion i i got into this tiff with my wife and she began to raise her voice at me and talk back to me and i said how dare you talk back to me this is not this is not what what's changed right how dare you talk back to me and she said she said someone better than you is it it receives this type of talk about someone better and she said he said who he said Rasulullah is our son and received this from your daughter hafsa and he is living he can't believe what what he's just heard but hafsa hafsa raises her voice and so he goes to hafsa and he asks he faces her about this and hafsa says yes we do this with the messenger of Allah and he he rebukes hafsa and he says where will you be if Allah is pleased with you if the messenger saw asem is angry with you how will you fare on the day if you've angered the messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and then he goes he on his way to the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he passes by um salam and and he says um salam is this right is this true and um salam says Allah forgive you are you also going to interfere in this manner as well we're wearing niqab because of you you know just just stay out stay out of this and so he goes to the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and he explains to her yeah Rasulullah we used to control our women now we come to her and he recites the whole thing the whole diatribe he goes to the whole diatribe once more and so at the end when he gets to the statement of um salam and he's quoting he's quoting my wife and then hafsa and then that's what hafsa told me and then um salam I just saw um salam and she told me the same thing and she said why are you interfering right and once he said that once he got to that point of the story the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and that's where the hadith ends just left him hanging right told me left him hanging in other words what in other words deal with deal with you know Nana so um so uh on one occasion hafsa right oh no Safiyah something happens and haisha is relating the story something happens with the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam between the prophet and Safiyah and so the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is upset with and uh he leaves her Safiyah comes to haisha and she says and haisha is relating the story Safiyah comes to haisha this is what I was laughing at before Safiyah comes to haisha and she says haisha she says work your charm do whatever you can just remove the feeling of vexation the anger from the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam towards me and I'll give you my next day I'll give you my my next visitation that's for you and so I she says and so she goes and she gets a a bond right that is that has been rubbed with saffron and she puts water she sprays water on it so that the fragrance of the saffron can and be read in the garment and she goes and she sits right next to the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam with this garment on so that he can smell the saffron on that garment and so the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam tells her you know what they say about me he says another day haisha today is not your day just stay away from me stay away from me haisha today is not your day and so haisha tells her so tells the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam she said she said that is the bounty of Allah he gives it to whosoever he wills he gives it to whosoever he pleases right so don't tell me it's my day or not this is the bounty of Allah and he assigns it to whosoever he wills and she explains to him what happened with saffia and that saffia you know invested her and the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam begins to he smiles and laughs at the situation any taxation goes from his heart he's good with saffia haisha worked her charm on one occasion now how they would do it the the visitation with the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam on the night that it was any one of the let's say it's um sallam at night all of the women would gather in the house of um sallam and they would just have a condo so they would socialize they would all be socializing together the kids are there the wives are there everyone's there and then when the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam comes then they all leave and the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says so this is something on a daily basis they would do this towards the end of the night they were all gathered together and they would just enjoy one another's company after all the work of the house is done and the day has has has gone they would enjoy one another's company and so on one occasion he was haisha's night and they were in haisha's quarters and so on this occasion then it was late it was late it was rather dark and so excuse me who is this zayna so zayna comes to the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and extends her hand and the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam takes her for haisha right and then haisha says and she says it from a different place in the she says inna ha zayna inna ha zayna that's zayna that's not me that's zayna and so the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam removes his hand right here he removes his hand and so zayna and haisha then get into this this quarrel right and their voices start to rise and abu bakr dhan walks of he's in the street and he hears the voices of the wives of the prophet of zayna and haisha he hears his own daughter's voice coming outside into the street as they're arguing and so the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam who says he addresses the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he says take dirt and entrusted into their mouths right they were very protective of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam very protective especially oman and abu bakr very protective one of the reasons for that is that they gave the prophet sallallahu their daughters in marriage so if their daughters are behaving like this it's a reflection on how they raised them right it's a reflection on so there's honor that's involved here there's also their love for the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and they don't want that they like none of the men do this for the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam except if you're a better one from you know from from way out way out in the middle of nowhere who just has no tarbiyah whatsoever right no no upbringing no clue and you come in and you get your tarbiyah right but the companions of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did not treat him this way and so they didn't have that very little tolerance for this and so the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam leaves he goes and he prays and aisha thinks to herself abu bakr oman i mean for my father's asha she knows what she's going to respect after the prayer right abu bakr is going to come he's going to say this he's going to do this he's going to say and abu bakr he he abu bakr oman oman he would come on more than one occasion abu bakr was physical with aisha he would he he was physical with her right as her father he was physical with her so abu bakr oman oman a lot of times we think abu bakr is soft abu bakr and oman at the start and stern abu bakr was soft but he had the heart of oman and oman was soft what was hard but he had the heart of abu bakr they were they were both in balance they were both in total equilibrium so abu bakr comes and he begins to go at it with aisha how dare you and how you know this is and so he and so the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is standing between him and her the prophet rushes back because he knows that abu bakr is not going to slide the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam rushes back he leaves all the companions in the masjid he rushes back abu bakr oman oman is there and he's going and the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is there shielding aisha from abu bakr shielding and so he's protecting aisha from abu bakr and so abu bakr oman oman leaves very very upset very angry and so the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam turns to aisha and he says to her he said he said what do you think you know I saved you from the man I saved you from the man he refers to abu bakr the man I saved you from that guy which is that intimacy so you know the father has intimacy with his daughter but the husband is a totally different the husband has the husband has has the the wife the relationship between the husband and wife that's that's that's other world and it's from the miracles of Allah it's from the signs of Allah that he will bring perfect strangers sometimes from the opposite ends of the earth like my wife is from Syria I've never I've never stepped foot in Syria before I married her what would what would a guy in New Jersey born in New Jersey and a woman who's never left Hala right what would what would bring us together in the in the in the most in intimate way that human beings can be together except a miracle from Allah that he joins perfect stranger and he puts between them a section and compassion between those people that is not replicable with any other relationship possible you can't have any other relationship that and Allah calls it and among his signs among his miracles is that he does this between the husband and wife now so the prophet says when it goes to ash and he says what do you think I saved you from the man right I saved you from the man from the man her father her own father who raised her right who spent all of his wealth on me right raising her providing for her every need but now the prophet says I'm speaking about him as though as though you I protected you from the threat of a man right that intimacy that was just incredible she would drink right she'd drink from the vessel and then the publicist know what would take the same investment right and she's drinking from here the publicist has been sitting here right and he would take from the same vessel and turn it like this and then drink right in front of me exactly from the pastry and she drink the little things sometimes it's the little things that will that will cause a person to forget you know great great the next time you fight with your spouse and it leads into an argument or something like that you got to do right try and go to these small small gestures and see if that doesn't just melt the heart of just totally crazy in the fat melt whatever happened that's in the past now it's in the past it's just a restoration revival of that emotion that has to be renewed on a daily basis on one occasion I can show a little time is with hapsa and they're right they're traveling in the publicized night and they used to draw lots whenever the publicized animal wanted to go they would draw lots to see who would go with the publicized animal on one of these trips and on this again in a lot of times ahisha and hapsa their lots were drawn more more statistically more than the other ones if you had to compare and so they were together on this trip and the publicized and the isha goes to hapsa and they're in the hoda right they're in the hoda covered right so hapsa goes to hapsa and she says hapsa what do you what do you think i'll ride in your huda and you might admire it let's see what happens basically she wherever they're going to sit during the publicized animal is going to sit during with one of his wives right so uh the uh they did get to a place where they sit during the publicized animal uh is going to sit during with one of his wives and he chooses for that night ahisha so he goes to the hoda of ahisha and he brings hapsa out of that hoda and ahisha you know so he's really and so he's going to stay with hapsa whatever happened between these two happened but he chose hapsa that he intended ahisha and got hapsa and ahisha goes and she she finds his little pond and she uh she puts her feet in the pond and she makes this dua to Allah she says oh Allah send a scorpion or a snake or something just to just to bite me right just to inspire herself right send some scorpion or those garden snake to just bite me and teach me a lesson right i could that could have been me and so many times she was she was she uh reigned victoria's but this was one of the defeats that she admits on one occasion the publicized animal is with um is with um the publicized animal brings a prisoner of war to the house and uh and he tells the people in the house to to watch him right uh and so they they do and ahisha and they're in the house of ahisha and they do and the uh and then he he frees himself somehow he gets loose and he runs out and ahisha didn't even notice because she was busy with something right and so the publicized cinema he comes and he says where is it and she says he's gone he's gone i can't believe it he's gone and so the publicized cinema says he says what is wrong with him we a lot cut your hands right now follow back back out a little bit may Allah cut your hands uh we have to understand that the Arabs had these phrases that were extremely harsh when taken literally but no one in their right mind would ever take them literally so they were usually mentioned in context of what is wrong with you or in context with uh of um uh wake up right wake up and smell the coffee right uh and they're very harsh may his mother be rough to him right uh right may may he may her hair be shaven and may her may she be uh hung by it by the her hamstrings you know and then they would say this not they would say this about animals right but they would uh i mean this was this came from from a phrase that they would uh mention about animals right that they would that they would shave the fur of the animal that they're starving and they would hang it up by the hamstring but they would address one another with it as well like may you have that same fate where you're so it's a very very you know harsh thing to say but no one in their right mind would take it literally and i'll give you one example of this is a very dynamic example but if i was a performer and i go to you know some of my friends and i say pray for me that i that i kill it on the stage pray for me that i oh there's another kill it no one's gonna please i don't want you to arrest it and they don't help me for veil and then what am i going to do about your kids and then do you have a will that you know what's going to think that right so the the person says i'll pray for you you just break a leg right and so right about he's getting on stage and his bff his best friend forever just told him to break a leg do you think that's going to affect his performance like how can how dare he say that to me like oh my god and i hope and then he's walking very consciously on the steps holding on to the railings this me i hope i don't slip there's not any but don't tell you are there any bananas make sure no one is put a banana or a bar of soap on the ground i don't want to break a leg for god's sake no one's going to take that seriously but everyone understands that break a leg means good luck the same way all of these phrases mean wake up it's not a comedy or they mean how how could you or they mean what is wrong with you or they mean you know i'm saying that's what they mean that's what and those are the concepts where they say that may his hands clasp on dust in other words may he lose everything in an instant and have no property no wealth may all of it be gone from him this is not what they meant but the public side is something that even in these statements even in these statements he goes to the companions toward the end of his life and he presents himself to them and he says whoever has anything against me let him take it back from this day and what he meant for them in that is anything that i have said even for these statements that i have mentioned that you have a right to retribution from you have a right to take back from me based on anything that i may have said even what's what's fascinating about this is that the hadith of muad when he tells muad o muad kuffa alayka hadha right be aware of this tongue right this this tongue this tongue could lead you into a hellfire right he says yarrus allah are we are we going to be taken to account for what we say also not just what we do and he says what takin that's what takin that's got may your mother grieve over you o muad are people cast into hellfire more than through the harvest of what of their tongues is there anything that will cast people more on their faces than the harvest of their tongues was fascinating about that is what did he just say sake that's got one more with his tongue he just said that with his tongue may your mother be bereft of you in other words may you die may you die is what he said may you die is there anything that will drive people into the hellfire or you know more than what they say so obviously may you die is exempted from that if the meaning of it is how they understood it which is get a clue right get a clue right are you kidding me you know what we say are you kidding me no you're not kidding me i didn't buy it i didn't so these are these are all phrases that are understood in the home context so he says to aisha manak if i love you thank you he says what is wrong with you may Allah cut your hands and so um he leaves her and then he comes back and when he comes back he finds aisha going like this and he says what's wrong with you what's wrong and she said i'm i'm just wondering which one of these hands is going to go first so the prophet sallallahu alayhi sallam will smile when he laughs and you know okay yes so the hadith that i shared about say that he goes to say the aisha and the prophet sallallahu alayhi sallam will cleanse the prophet sallam defends aisha from her father that hadith has a completion and the completion of it is that the the next time that Abu Bakr al-Rahman comes back to the house of the prophet sallallahu alayhi sallam enters the quarters of aisha he finds the prophet sallallahu alayhi sallam an aisha smiling engaging one another you know as if nothing happened and so he says to them both he says in other words he says enter me into your truce as you entered me into your war and so group hug group hug and i also wanted to mention something that i mentioned before jizan allahu khayran i have one of my teachers among us here who was watching my every word allah blessed him and allowed us all to to learn so much from him he really should be teaching us and it's from his humility and my laah that i accepted the invitation to speak but he has mentioned to me that one of the things i said about Abdullah bin sallam the jir this rabbi who became muslim that was actually before bin khuraiban right that was before bin khuraiban he didn't he didn't become muslim after the prophet sallallahu alayhi sallam married saffiya as i had alluded to and to be honest i didn't mean that i didn't mean to put those two events as though it was cause and effect but i was but i didn't say clearly was that that is the kind of marriage that would allow someone like a abdullahi to enter into islam easily and i didn't mention it like that i should have said it like that abdullahi was muslim already before that point so i just wanted to make that clear so to mention the children of the prophet sallallahu alayhi it was him and they were seven uh the first of them was in qasim which is very interesting we watched this video about a week or so ago he said sallallahu what is this name in qasim what is this name that the prophet sallallahu alayhi sallam chose for his first uh his first born of qasim the one who the one who apportions out right the one who apportions out what did he have in mind have you read anything on that say what did he have in mind when he like some of the qasim one can only wonder the one who apportions out what is good one who gives everyone their due of what is good so he was born to the to to the prophet sallallahu alayhi sallam and there is a difference of opinion about how long he um he tarried uh some saying that he uh lived for about 17 months uh and he was the first of the children of the prophet sallallahu alayhi sallam to be born and the first of the children of the prophet sallallahu alayhi sallam to die and then uh abdulla right abdulla well actually we have an order that even qayim is of zia gives us he gives us a certain order a an order to to their birth and Allah is the one who is best but al qasim and then you have zaynah and then you have rukaya and then um kufum and then fatima and then abdulla and then ibrahim and Allah is the one who knows best but even qayim uh gives us that uh in zalim and gives us that order uh so the way that uh that we have it here the way that this author has put it uh is al qasim and then abdulla and then abdulla was known as al qayib al tahib al tahib and uh these were nicknames for the for him al tahib the pure one al tahib the pure one right and so these are synonymous right the pure of the pure um and then zaynah uh the daughter of the prophet sallam zaynah her husband was abil aas ibn al gabiyah uh and he was the um he was the nephew of khadija um excuse me um and zaynah let's see so yes okay so the prophet sallam so he's giving us a little bit of background the prophet sallam she married a man named abil aas ibn al gabiyah sorry i told you that several times um and uh when Allah swt gave the prophet sallam the called him to the office of prophecy um khadija and all of her daughters accepted the prophet sallam obviously um and abul aas remained on his shirk and the prophet sallam i had previously wed al qayya to otba ibn abil ah and um al qusum he married to otayba ibn abil ah so the two daughters um qusum and al qayya asma did not marry them as virgins right but he married them to these two men otba ibn abil ah and otayba ibn abil ah and both of them ibn abil ah right these are the two children of abul ah so abul ah was the father and daughter of ruqayah and um khusum right and so both of them divorced ruqayah and um khusum they both divorced them but abul aas was also pressured to divorce zaynah and the prophet sallam and he refused to do so so the prophet sallam i um uh honored him for that he always had a special place in his heart for abul aas because he refused to divorce um his his daughter now this was before the law comes down forbidding a woman from being in marriage with a kafir that comes later right but in this time um the prophet sallam his daughters are returned to him which means that he has now the extra burden of taking care of them and providing for them and so uh this um this uh plays itself out and so um abul aas they went to abul aas and tried to convince him to uh divorce her and he said that he uh he refused to do so uh and he loved her very much um then just so happened that he um was among the uh the prisoners of war of badr he was among the prisoners of war of badr and now it's not just you know yes you refuse to marry the not my daughter but you took in this battle against us right and so what happened was he uh was taken as a prisoner and he sought the shelter he sought shelter in the house of whom zayn right and this is after the prophet sallam now they're divorced now they're divorced the prophet sallam they're no longer married and the prophet sallam on one occasion he is after this battle he's praying fajr and he hears the voice of zayn of his daughter saying that i have given protection i've granted protection to abul aas and after the prayer the prophet sallam turns to the sahaba and he says i you heard it when i heard it i didn't know of this before you all heard this right and this is at fajr right at fajr so he's he's seeking her protection and the prophet sallam goes to her and he says and he basically tells her that she has you know reminded her that she is not halal to him right but then he uh he also um he also grants him amnesty and then um and then uh a short while later he professes his Islam and the prophet sallam will be married then so i'm sorry i'm a bit off i didn't get this far in my in my reading i was supposed to read this uh this morning but i didn't get this far just to join the memory um the fourth child was lukhaya bintan nabi sallam it's in the lukhaya and uh no and lukhaya the daughter of the the prophesied sallam she was married to sainah of maa and after the uh in one of the battles in the battle of bata of sainah of maa did not attend that battle because he was taking care of lukhaya right uh lukhaya had fallen ill and so the prophet sallam had told him to stay behind to nurse lukhaya to back back to help and so when he had come back from the weather um she or he found that she had already been buried and obviously he was not there to to to to bury his own daughter so this is it's it's fascinating how lukhaya gives the prophet sallam and the seven children six of those children he buries with his own hands and the seventh of them fantama he tells that he tells him that she's to die so the prophesied sallam having all of these children and none of them outlasting him none of them surpassing him uh he buries them all young asma died in her in her 20s and so each one of them he had to endure the pain of losing those two uh umko sum um is now wed to asma and she uh what was known about when when she died asma was not with her that night the night that she passed away he was with uh his concubine and the prophet sallam was hurt by this and when uh it came time to bury her the prophet sallam said uh who among you uh has not um whoever among you has not uh had conjugal relations last night can go into a grave to uh to to can bury can go and descend into the grave to to finish off the burial process and uh and othman had to stay up he couldn't go down and so the family members of of the the other family members then uh took her body and buried her uh and othman could not so this is a way of recommending othman for not being with with his daughter the night before Fatima the the daughter of the prophet sallam obviously Fatima we know very much about her this great hero that i can add except that it is not only in our tradition that Fatima and you may not have heard this but Fatima is considered to be the female embodiment of the prophet even on the prophet's deathbed when she comes close to the prophet sallam i showed remarks as she's telling the story that of the whispering twice into his mouth she remarked saying and i never saw anyone who resembled the prophet sallam more in the way that he walked than Fatima and he kissed her head whenever she would enter a room uh Fatima was was the prophet sallam's she was um al-Abiha she was called the mother of her father um so she in every way uh sought to replace her own her own mother Khadija and that consolation that Khadija would give to the prophet sallam he found in Fatima and so she reminded him all the time she constantly reminded him of Khadija and the treatment that care that that love that that that she she would uh pour out to the prophet sallam she would weep while taking the thorns out from his from his blessed feet sallam she would weep and taking the clothing that had been uh that had been smeared and that had been with the abuse that he had had to face she would weep and taking all of that off of him uh sallam the day the prophet sallam passed she says um um she's with Sayyidina Anas and she says how did you find it in yourselves to cast dirt upon the messenger of Allah how could you possibly do that she says she wept bitterly she said oh my father uh after having taken the dirt from where he is buried rubbed her eyes with that dirt she said oh my dear father who has answered the call of his lord oh my dear father the heaven of paradise is his refuge oh my dear father to jibreem i send my condolences he said she said she says what do you say about someone who smells the dirt of Ahmad that he is not able ever again to smell any fragrance odor any fragrance scent she said tribulation has been poured out on top of me that if it would poured out onto all of the days it would change them all into rings this was her dream over the passing of her dear father alaihi sallam what do you say about a woman who once she is told that you will soon die you will soon die that she leaves him she leaves the person telling her this she leaves him smiling rejoicing happy laughing and i think she is just she's mesmerized what did the Pope say i was going to tell you oh he told me i was going to die he told me i was going to die in your 20s infatima knows her time is coming he knows her time is coming she's seen she's seen all of her siblings die she's seen all of her siblings well perhaps not that they were the first two because they died very very young before she was born but she knows that all of her siblings had died and what do you say of him alaihi sallam who could scarcely find and who could scarcely collect himself after the passing of his grandfather of his uncle we all discussed scarcely collect himself after the passing of the prophet muhammad sallam alaihi sallam while mourning at the same time he anticipated death of his wife the mother of al-hasan al-qusay for him his grief was was was was 10 times that of anyone in all of madina because he lost the prophet sallam alaihi sallam as they lost him and he knew that and and and and infatima was not infatima was not she didn't just tell isha and not to her husband fatima was not so fatima lives all of those days those bitter bitter sweet days watching her children play at hasan al-qusay wondering what is to come of them wondering what is to come of her husband wondering what is to come of her household wondering what the future will bring and her only conservation is that she will be reunited with the prophet her father sallam alaihi sallam who told her that she would reign supreme over all of the women of janma all of the women of paradise she would reign supreme above them she would have a rank above all of them and al-hasan al-qusayn would have rank over all of the youth but he said there would be one woman who has rank over you and that is madina in time on the mother of jesus alaihi sallam she would have superiority over you and over all the rest of the women in paradise the household of the prophet sallam alaihi sallam was met with tragedy after tragedy after tragedy after tragedy and in all of that there is hay for all of that there is goodness for you and me and all of that there is goodness for the prophet sallam had to go through all of those experiences so that he could say whoever is afflicted with any calamity whatsoever it may be let him remember his calamity be the be using me let him compare that calamity to losing me that is the greatest of all calamities and she bore she bore children for imam al alaihi sallam her sons were al-hasan basically when the prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam came to imam al alaihi sallam he said what did you name him on the seventh day he said what are you going to name him and he said hara war and he said no no he's al-hasan and so when the same was born the prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam on the seventh day they brought him to the prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam for the technique and the naming and he said what are you going to name him and he said hara war and so he said no no no he's just a little version of hasan he's al-hasan he's just a tiny little hasan you see hasan running around two three years old you see hasan this is just a little hasan so he named him Hussein and on the third the the the day that the third son was born to imam alaihi alaihi sallam they brought him on the third day to the from the seventh day to the prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam and he asked what are you going to name him and he said hara he said no he said war right he said no no no this is muhsin or muhsin and the reason why we don't hear about this usually is hasan for saying hasan for saying we don't hear about hasan is that he died very young he died as a he died very shortly ibrahim the son of the prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam and ibrahim he was born to mārīyā and kibriyā did i cover them all i cover them all right so ibrahim alaihi sallam and he was born to mārīyā and kibriyā and ibrahim there's a place where in the Bukhia in imam alaihi sallam where it is believed that ibrahim's grave is there it's marked by a small very very small enclosure of rocks right around uh on a raised uh raised plateau and it's believed that say that ibrahim alaihi sallam is buried there you can see just as an entry you have just a small thing right they they made that for say that ibrahim alaihi sallam and Allah knows but uh the prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam would go and i think i mentioned that he would go in his visits to mārīyā he would go and smell ibrahim and kiss him and he would do this with other children as well he called children the flowers of heaven that that fragrance that Allah swt chooses into infrance right the beautiful fragrance no matter where that child is from right anywhere in the world you pick up a child from between from from right after they come out of the womb all the way until a good year goes by right and they have this beautiful fragrance this pleasant pleasant fragrance that the prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam called them the flowers of heaven these children are the flowers of heaven look at look look at how he honors the creations look at how look at how he allows us to perceive and how he connects us to the unseen to the what is other world and what is divine and it takes our hearts into a sublime meaning none and on the day that ibrahim died the prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam went they asked the prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam uh yā rasūla you you're weeping and he says he says he's famous to us he says to ibn A'ūf he says that the eye sheds tears and the heart feels the grief but we don't say anything except that which pleases our Lord we are ever sorrowful over your parting from us or prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam had he loved the body he loved him and he would he would go to visit just to be with his son and she she did the prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam kept mania away specifically for i lost my mom it was best but the the the understanding is that she was exceptionally beautiful and he did not he was sensitive to the feelings of his wives and with his wives and and so maria he kept that distance but he would visit from time to time and obviously she became Muslim along with her sister seedy and she gave him ibrahim so she became hum wala as a result i wish we knew more about maria one of the reasons we don't know so much is because she we don't even know she spoke Arabic she was conflict who knows what they were talking about he knows what that means i don't know how you how do you speak in hieroglyphics or they want to speak in hieroglyphics come on now that's kind of a crime mistake all right so one of the things one of the most important days we're discussing the prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam that has fathers is what we received from sainat anas radiallahu anhu what's up sainat anas radiallahu anhu and this is the first hadith that opens up the section of the character of the prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam in the book alwafa bi'ahwar al-mustafa by awul phalaj nid jawzi he says he lists this as the very first hadith and it had such an effect on me when i read it when i was reading to the book that i decided to name my own son anas based on this hadith sainat anas radiallahu anhu and there's a lot of different narrations in this hadith i'll try to combine them he says that he says he tells the story of the prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam's first day in medina how he remembers it he was 10 years old he said when the prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam first came my mother who's un sallam he took her by the way she is the woman who remember that little boy oh no we didn't talk about okay that's going to take us into a different i'm sorry and then i'll be for a different time but anas radiallahu anhu said that the day that the prophet sallallahu alaihi sallam my mother gifted me to him to be in his service and so i served the messenger of Allah for 10 years whether he was in medina or traveling and he never once said to me ah he never once said to me he never once expressed the slightest utterance of frustration ever with me and he never struck me and he never insulted me and he never once said to me and this is this is the i think this is the that he never once said to me regarding something that i had done why did you do that more for something that i neglected to do why didn't you do that when i learned him in how to and never once did his wife tried me for anything except that he would say leave him leave for this was decreed for him to do this was written and decreed for him to do and in a in a another narration if something is decreed it must necessarily come to pass so leave him be so he would rush to his defense right and ala salam he was making mistakes but going back to this point about i never he never once asked me why did you do this or why didn't you do that this for me was one of the greatest proofs for his being a prophet this whole hadith right is one of the greatest proofs that never once expressing frustration at a child never once expressing frustration at a child and this is going to make his mistakes the proof for that is in the narration he said his wife's never chided me except that he would defend me so he's making mistakes or or else why are they rebuking right he's feeling bold he's breaking stuff he's not doing what he's supposed to do he's neglecting to do what he was asked to do he's doing what he wasn't asked to do and it's everywhere the prophet goes there is kindness he can't get rid of him he's a thief right he's a young a young you know a young child right he's 10 he's not a thief he's a sabbina but the whole thing about this is that children will latch on to you and as they latch on to you they are going to go through a hundred different moons a day right and sometimes they have the good days sometimes they have their bad days sometimes they have their angelic days and sometimes you where did you come from you little demon like like did you come from like who's are you to whom do you belong right seriously and through all of that the prophet said i said i'm not never never expresses the slightest utterance of frustration the same happens never once that for me was a miracle beyond beyond words right and something a little biographical about me i i named my anise my my son anise for this hadith i said you know every time i call upon his name it will remind me of this hadith and why i need an anise right and and inshallah you know that would be a constant reminder for me to treat him the way the prophet says i'm going to treat anise to build him up to defend him where he needs to be built up and not and not struck down right where because you can you can you know you can it's very you know with children children can recover from almost any traumatic events but there are children born in syria who all they know is war and they can make it through like like super superheroes straight up in intact everything exactly as pure and innocent and that's all retain for them that's all preserved from them they have resilience beyond belief and they're and these are children they're children walking around without any honors amputate totally totally their arms gone because of a bond that just fell on them and and it says though they have both their arms it says though they have both their arms and they look around at their siblings who have two arms and two legs and they don't even ask why me Allah swt has given them contentment in their innocence they have contentment with Allah children that's the fitra that's the state of the fitra is whatever Allah does with me i belong to him that's what they have and so they can make it through trauma but you break the psyche of a child they'll never be able to kind of know you break somebody's psyche and you've destroyed them for life it takes therapy and psychiatry and psychone all it takes everything i throw that in drugs and all kinds of you know medicines prescribed medicine some unprescribed it takes all kinds of stuff to get a person to come back from a broken psyche so the prophet sire has said that he's treating anise without new and anise he cannot shake anise anise every time he walks a corner anise is there he wants water for will do anise is bringing the water he's done with will go and it takes the water he's ready to eat anise brings the food and then anise is sitting there eating with him right he cannot shake this child and anise is with him in all of the houses we have this idea that oh really anise lived but he must have lived in anise's house what that did because the prophet sire was always not in his house no he wasn't the prophet sire was not always in any house and anise was always there always with him in the house in the house anise was a servant he would travel and he would take anise with him that's why we have so much from anise we have so much from anise you tell me about the shaman look at how many times anise's name comes up in the shaman and he gives us so much he's the last companion to live in basra he's the last companion to live in basra and there's related that apu hanifa met anise he saw he actually saw him right he didn't take hanifa but he saw him he met him that's how long anise lived so you know being raised with that delicacy being raised with the prophet sire asena in that way you come into manhood right the prophet sire asena is not what he is building anise from the ground up and he is not going to throw a guilty complex on him or anything like a guilty like anise knows when he makes a mistake what's the point in childing him after he has already felt the guilt of his mistake what's the point and there's so much to learn from that that after a child or a spouse or a friend has wronged you or has wronged themselves and is aware that they have done so there's no goal that you play in that anymore except to uplift them not to not to drag their noses not to drag their noses in it like we do with dogs when we train them to behave properly that's what that's what we do with dogs and we don't take that same methodology and apply it to our wives or our husbands to make them feel guilty about what they've done you should have done that you should have done that you should have done this and you should have where is good character now where is good character now if you should have could have would have are you not transacting with Allah in everything that befalls you is not Allah the one who decrees everything that defaults and this doesn't mean that you never ask a child why or why not right it doesn't mean you never ask your child why did you do this or why didn't you do that you can ask that question but what is behind your if you're asking if it's to teach the child to go through a certain you know a certain thought process in order to reevaluate the decision that he or she has made then now that's teaching you're actually teaching that child to to think through their actions and why did you hit your sister now they're they're you're having that child engage their emotions right and there's a pedagogy in that there's a there's a beautiful that's that's an okay question to ask why right that's an okay that for that it's okay to ask why but this is a different type of why that Anastasia is talking about it's a different type of why this is the why that make you feel when you're already feeling this small it makes you it dwarfs you even more and that's the type of why that comes right out of the nefs that's the type of why that is gut that is driven by the nose that you have wronged me or you have not done what I asked you to do and you know you should have done this and why didn't you do that and just to make that person feel that much worse about themselves and that's why I said I'm a lifted people's spirits and he didn't he entered he took contentment and thrust it into their hearts that's what he did inward happiness he thrust that into the hearts of the people closest to him and the people and the companions in general just by the way he would smile or look at them some of all your eyes so that that why that question why in a marriage should be the heaviest question on your time that should be the heaviest question on your time why did you do this why did you do that that should be the heaviest question on your time just from a psychological perspective it puts the person on the defensive and they feel that they now have to defend their decision to you and now they're looking upon you like you're a policeman or like you're you're you're you're you're like like I can't please you there's no I can't do anything to please you I can't do anything right you know I'm constantly going to mess up right why can't I get this right why can't I make him happy why can't I make her happy and that sets in and then it accumulates over time it accumulates over time and ultimately the person feels that whatever they do they cannot they cannot please their significant others whatever they do and they don't feel accepted they don't feel left they don't feel appreciated they don't feel like all you can all the other things that I'm doing right why are upon this and make me feel miserable about it I already feel miserable about it right so that question why should be the last question to escape it and that should be the last we should we should actually when we feel that question why coming up this is this is the solution to it everybody ready everybody ready let's take out your tongue now bite down now put your tongues back in your mouth why shouldn't you need to stick out your tongue you could have just bitten it down just bite down on your tongue every time that question why surfaces to the top of your mind right you know and you know where it's coming from you know that it's coming from the nerves if you know that it's coming from the nerves bite down on your tongue don't ask don't ask and in doing so you are following the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in doing so you are bringing prophetic light into your relationships by doing that don't ask why and just bask in the decree of your Lord who just wrote that mistake to happen to just wrote that scenario to fold up the way to unfold the way it did in order to try you in order to try you so instead of making that person feel miserable right whatever happened was a test for you through them and ultimately we are engaging our Lord ultimately we are engaging our Lord our Lord is behind every text our Lord is behind every blessing our Lord Imam Ali alayhi sallam said there is nothing that befalls me there is nothing that befalls me except that I see Allah before it in it and after in other words I see Allah before it's being whatever caused that thing to happen I see Allah as that cause then the thing happens itself I see Allah as the effect and then after it I see Allah as the wisdom of the cause and effect if that is how we are perceiving reality then the question why would be the furthest from our minds but if you have to ask if you ask the question why then the first thing to to realize is that you are veiled from the wisdom of Allah's presence why means that I cannot see through the veil between me and a decree I can't see through it it's too thick so I have to ask why and you have to give me the answer why is a crime in this relationship why is a crime in this relationship and ultimately it will not get you the results that you are seeking ultimately it's not going to rectify it ultimately it's going to make it worse it's going to make it worse because you have now put that put your beloved who is sent there in order to refine your character on the defensive and they now have to deal with their with their deficiencies and their faults coupled with your displeasure and your discontent and your anger and your expectations that are unfulfilled and their misery and their suffering and there's no goodness out there's no good that comes out and there's no spiritual maturity that can be acquired from a person who cannot bring himself to accept the decree of Allah as it is now if there is recurring behavior if there is something that actually needs to be addressed if there's a if there is something that really annoys you then don't ask the question why just have a heartfelt conversation and say I would really appreciate it if instead of doing something like this that you consider doing it like that that would be really that would that would be much better I would really appreciate it would you mind doing that for me and I'm ready to do whatever you would mind have I been pushing your buttons right now is there anything you know just talk through these issues talk through these issues but to ask the question why to a child and recommend and all of this this is not going to bring us anywhere in our relationships so that's all I just want to I'm sorry about that so we said that we would go to a five with the option of Q&A or the option of continuing so so what do we want to do? Well she wanted to know so when you mentioned um no of course they have a role to play in this but we relate what we have received and so we just haven't received or let me say I haven't come across it may be there and I and there's hundreds of thousands of Khabib but I haven't come across many scenarios where the mothers also are are mentioned like so of course it happened and it may be there it may be reported I just haven't read enough now that's my fault the previous uh yeah they remain they remain oh that's a good question that's a good question say did the children go back to their families to their or did they remain the perpetrators that's a good question I I assumed that they remain but but I that was my own assumption it may be true and it may be the case that they actually went back to some of their relatives on the mother's side about I haven't read anything this way or that way Harith yeah so from Seyda Hanima his uh his wet nurse yeah so Hamza also was uh was his brother through suffering um Harith what can we say about Harith? As an adult yeah like not from time with us in that whole story I'm thinking they must have continued the relationship later on right and Harith uh no I I don't know there's a lot to be said about him I don't I I haven't compared to you do you have me we have we have a missed a person who's extremely knowledgeable about the Surah and about these questions say that Muhammad you can you can ask him Muhammad afterwards and he may have something to share with you but he's uh um he he's a bit um he he would prefer to answer questions in private so should we keep going in questions or share a few more anecdotes or what would you like to do so everyone's gonna say Q&A everyone hands Q everyone has to vote you can't just keep the fit so Q&A show of hands Q&A hi hi hi up in here don't be shy Q&A everyone has to raise their hands for one of the two so I'm assuming that everyone is going to raise their hands for for continue with anecdotes if I if these hands come down okay anecdotes and that doesn't mean we won't do the Q&A so after five if you want to come up to me we can have a private Q&A channel so it is related to the Phoksa Rasulina uh stadium uh analyst leads the Phoksa Rasulina with his grandson and Hassan he noticed the Phoksa Rasulina would be very playful and he would grab him he would hold him in his arm and and uh stick out his tongue to him and Hassan would try to grab for his tongue and the Phoksa Rasulina would not allow him to to grab onto his tongue and he would stick out hand again and grab for it as well Hassan was very very young uh Hassan and if Hussain used to ride on the back of the Phoksa Rasulina uh and uh he would say to them uh what oh what what a strong horse you both have or what a strong camel you have inshallah so he would walk on all fours with both of his uh his grandsons on his uh back on one occasion he's giving a hook back and Hassan uh is running uh toward him and he trips and stumbles and falls and the Phoksa Rasulina smiles in the middle of his khutbah where he's telling people right have fear of Allah have fear of Allah and then he he breaks into a smile and he said he says that among your children and your spouses there's a great tribulation and so when Hassan comes in Phoksa Rasulina he was down picking him up and he continues his khutbah after that and he used to carry Hassan uh on his uh his shoulder he would ask uh so this is all this mostly about Hassan here Abu Hurayra rather on the dates that um excuse me that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once um uh came into the house of Fatima and he said to her is Luka right is Luka here is Luka here that was his nickname for Luka for for Hassan Luka uh I should have looked this up I don't know what Luka means what is Luka it's made of Luka I want to know what that means but it's a funny it's a funny sounding name this is a good place I think to talk about um well no because that's not so uh we said that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam with the children who are in his house Sayyidina Anasadam who once mentioned that on one occasion uh the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam asked me to do something uh and I said to him no I'm not going to do that well if you never say enough and I and I had every intention on doing but you know how children go through a quote unquote rebellious phase that lasts about 10 years right this was uh Sayyidina Anasadam's rebellious moment they had with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said I'm not going to do it and and in my in my heart I had every intention on doing it right and so I left out and to play with some of the children uh and then I was going to do it and I was going to do it later and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam after a while he came he came out and he grabbed Anasadam from behind I grabbed him by the neck I grabbed him by the neck turned his head toward him and looked at him right so he turns his head toward him and he says Buneis said little Anasadam did you do what I asked you to do and he said that I was so I was on my way I was on my way and so the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and this shows you know that as a parent you have to pick your battles with your kids it's not my way or the highway 24-7 all the time there are certain times that you have to you have to be stern at certain times you just kind of let things slide let it go right and the children will test you from the very beginning and you'll try to test those numbers so the sternness may be required early on so that they get those boundaries drawn very clearly around that priority that those boundaries need to blur up a little bit as the child is older seven seven seven is a prescription seven years as you are he says so you train them for seven years and then you you teach them you discipline them for seven and then acculturate them for seven and then befriend them for seven no and then yes befriend them for seven and then let them go the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was in a constant he was constantly visiting his daughters as they were married and go and spend time with his daughters this was something that he was in the habit of doing sallallahu alayhi wa sallam where did he find the time to do what he did he did it as a as a constant routine he would marry them and he would visit them and anything that would cause harm to any of his daughters he felt that one time Fatima got worried that sallallahu alayhi wa sallam you can get word but it came up that sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was considering marrying someone in addition to Fatima and Fatima came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam expressing her feelings about them and so the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam went to say ma alia alayhi wa sallam and told him anything that harms Fatima harms me sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did someone find what look out like look out yeah her translation is bringer of light we see so it's it's lamb caffeine yes comes up but then it's a carcass beginning to a child yeah that's true like the one it's like a child that's like butt head just a mom like to get something from her like when they put their head on the mom's head but her meaning is from a carcass so i'm not really too sure i have to look in the you don't you don't want to look to a dictionary for these things you want to look to the commentaries of the hadith and i didn't like the commentary the commentaries of the hadith they would have they would have these about these words spelled out so i think with that then inshallah perhaps we should bring it do this to a close let's have a couple more questions before we uh we do our friends written questions do we have any more that you may answer guys didn't ask any questions you guys awake this whole time no questions i i get it all i i'm the man yes he he died during this i'm the man i don't buy i buy you the fire he was the fire was one of the good things and uh and he died very they all died professor the part of all like i'm asking you partner or your child like the wife uh can you speak a little bit more about that because i'm trying to sound like i mean i spoke for 20 minutes i i i get that but basically like is it more because you try to understand why that person did that or just trying to make that person feel little like you know when it's coming from the naps if it's coming from the naps by dawn on the time if it's actually coming from wanting to to know the reason behind it like what what were you thinking when you did that because you want to sort of appreciate the reason why they let's say you know something happens and and the explanation would be helpful so that's a different type of why because you need an explanation for it in order to understand what just happened but uh but if it's if the if if it's just a mistake that happened and your why is in order to pretty much make that person feel worse or make yourself feel better or um uh you know because by by by dumping on somebody else you feel like you got it off your chest and now you know you can breathe a little bit but you just dumped it on it right so that kind of a why you never want that a rhetorical why wouldn't i mean even rhetorical why could could be with that intent i'm talking about when that is the intent whether it's rhetorical or you're demanding an answer right that's the type of why that is destructive that's the type of why that that will that will just ruin somebody's just you know so does that one understand or i heard about it on npr we talk about the question why but it's the number one way to interrogate someone is to just ask why yeah and that people no matter how instant they are they automatically think that's it and they feel like they're being attacked so it's not a marriage book but it does talk to all of that marriages so that might be helpful yeah what is the name of the book it's called taking the war out of our words by shannon ellison taking the war out of our words by shannon ellison taking the war out of our words by shannon thank you very much i'm doing it yes it's like biting the tongue biting our tongue so and we feel like this is talking or reacting but yeah the other practical advice for us and you know whenever i come to these classes i feel very inspired and i'm like i'm gonna do better when i go home and then when you go home life happens and you just like to just automatically get back into your old habits so how do you break this habit how do you what the last i mean we we have to do a whole that there's a whole a whole lot to be said there basically you know not shannon namul alzani prescribes in manaman for any improvement of any or refinement of any condition in manaman so there is a theoretical component and there's a practical component to read oneself of advice or to overcome a certain tendency or habit to break one to break out of it the knowledge that is required i think we've gone through a few sessions of that to where we've acquired enough knowledge on it to inspire us and then now the practical steps that's what which is what's required how do i then bring this knowledge into my daily practice and know that all the scenarios that are going to present themselves to you they are now going to present themselves to you as vessels into which you can put this knowledge right every conversation you have with your with your significant the significant people in your life now can be seen as an opportunity to put this knowledge into practice so it changes our perception of what befalls us such that you know the the test now it becomes clear the whole thing is that there's there's inshallah there's a veil that has been lifted and with the lifting of that veil we can perceive and interpret more correctly more accurately the events as they are transpiring and to try to see a lot about it in those events and then it infuses those engagements and those interactions with much more meaning than the mundane routine life i go back to my routine life nothing's routine about life if you're able to see Allah before in and after a thing nothing's routine about that so now i think with the rehearsal of this information this this this content this knowledge that we've traversed together to repeat it to ourselves to take something from this even if it's one thing take one thing from this and say i'm going to work on this this is going to be really and then one thing that a person can do is every day commit commit to this could be part of our every single day to commit oneself to a certain pledge right to take a certain pledge with yourself right and i actually wrote this pledge out i'd like to just share it with you inshallah so that so that we can benefit from one another so every day and you can do your own 10 prayers right but these are my 10 prayers that i that i think if there's any benefit inshallah then you can remember some of this so uh dear lord and i wrote them in english because i tend to think in english and english is my mother's arm right even though it wasn't the first language i learned if you came down there so whatever your language is make it authentic to yourself uh dear lord bless and sanctify your messenger and his family to begin our prayers with that and to end our prayers with that if you begin and if you end your prayers with that then everything that is in between the beginning and the end is likely to be accepted inshallah dear lord reflect your names and attributes upon the mirror of my spirit dear lord delight me in the laughter of my parents dear lord make me a meadow of heaven for my wife dear lord allow my children to see in me whom you want them to be dear lord help me to be stronger than the world is terrible dear lord alleviate through me the suffering of one of your servants today dear lord bless my time with what is pleasing to you and not me to procrastinate tomorrow dear lord destroy any hope lucifer has renewed this day against me dear lord allow me to live what you have taught me and guide me to flee from you and to you dear lord clear my vision such that i may only behold you in all that was is and shall be dear lord agree to prophet muhammad on my behalf that he may mention me to you so these are litanies that a person can engage in at the beginning of every day right to sort of pledge oneself to these you know that that you know in various religious traditions they wake up in the morning and they recite certain pledges in the morning like in buddhism there's a there's a litany that they go through that they that they pledge themselves to alleviate suffering in the world they pledge themselves to to not be violent against any person they pledge and so this is like a daily pledge that you make with yourself so draw out your write your own ten prayers that are the dearest things to you and begin every day with those uh that way throughout the day whenever the test or the tribulation comes you'll be able to anticipate it because you've asked the last one kind of for help and you'll and and all of the tests now will come in the context of what you asked for so these are this is another practical thing you can do another practical thing you can do especially when the question why it comes up and you find that you are angry instead of asking why go and make the prophecy as i said it's a practical thing you said if anger is to overcome any one of you then make with him he says because he says he says that anger is from shaytan and shaytan was created from fire and fire can only be put out in water so if any one of you is overtaken by anger let him make hold of put out that anger right we might have heard that several times actually we might have heard that but how many of us would overcome with anger so the the point of it is not to act on those things that you already know well why are we i swear by i swear by and i and i feel very confident confident in this that if you didn't learn a single thing more about your religion you have enough to enter into if we just act on what we already know you don't need another conference you don't need another lecture you don't need another book you don't need another you know what we what we need is a little bit of that that push that not to start acting on what we don't i think one of the feelings that of separation is that we we know too much we know too much and we don't have an output mechanism for it we haven't taken advantage of you know infusing this knowledge into some practical action that's going to bring about some beauty in our lives and the lives of the people around us so i think that the time is is is nine for us to roll up our sleeves and to start acting on what we know and if we do that for the next if you've gotten this part 20 30 40 50 years by acquiring all this knowledge then the next 20 40 50 years if you acquire no more knowledge and just focus on acting on what you've acquired you're good and that's not to say that no one's been acting on the knowledge that you had right that's not to say that the seamah if you were doing it right but the beauty is the beauty of your actions is in your faces you all reflect that right but i think a lot a lot of the a lot of what makes us feel that my iman is not strengthening my iman is not growing my iman is not deepening it comes from the fact that we know too much and we don't act on much of what we know and once we're able to do that Allah swt brings us into a totally different spiritual space inside inward we begin to experience the delight of our faith in different ways but the soul means that it thrives in the deeds of virtue that's where it thrives in the deeds of virtue pardon you