 Project Number SPC-001 Solation Pujonitorial Capabilities Use of SPC-001 has increased the effectiveness of pugilistic processes and reduced risk posed of center personnel. The effective range of SPC-001 far exceeds previously known means of solation and pugilistic engagement and has proven to be exponentially more powerful. SPC-001's effectiveness on non-solation entities is undergoing experimentation. Project Components SPC-001 refers to an advanced form of experimental weaponry created by combining research into the arcane fields of metallurgy, dermatology, and physics in an effort to increase the pugilitorial strength of center personnel. It is portable, requires minimal maintenance, and is simple to operate. On use, SPC-001 will generate a fist-shaped ectokinetic energy manifestation of oscillation disdain which strikes its target with unbridled hatred. Despite its relative ease of production, SPC-001 is resource-intensive. Implementation is to remain tubular class knowledge until further notice. Center personnel inquiring on the nature of SPC-001 are to be KO'd without further inquiry. Augmentation Summary 0.01 Center personnel Justine Everwood was recently injured, losing her preferred combat extremity, right arm, to a salation and mandible strike. Due to her bodacious, brawler-bay clearance, Everwood was selected to participate in SPC-001 testing. Shortly following a briefing on the project, Everwood's bionic arm replacement surgery was altered to include SPC-001 augmentation. Below is a transcript from a video recorded on Jack-to-Snack Bright Cellular Device during testing. Began log. Everwood and Dr. Summerman stand a few nautical meters from Bright. Everwood is pointing her augmented SPC-001 arm at a salation-shaped target in the distance. Focus on punching the shark. But without actually punching it. Yes. This is stupid. I have a perfectly good left arm. Why can't I go over there and give him the old one-two? Because you're all ones and no twos. Summerman patched SPC-001. Everwood retracts it from his reach. Okay, but I don't understand how this is supposed to help me punch things. I need to approach it to beat the crap out of it. Look straight at the target, aim your arm at it too. Think of punching the shark. I already am. Work with me here, okay? Point your sixth cyborg arm at the target and think about punching a shark. Hell yeah. I wanna fuck up its nose so bad it can't smell for a week. Good, good. Keep thinking those thoughts. I wanna knock its stupid teeth out. Who does that piece of shit think he is smiling at me with so many goddamn teeth? I'll show that smommy bastard. Everwood is interrupted as a fist-shaped energy projectile fires from SPC-001. All three present vocalize surprise before a loud crashing sound is heard on the other side of the room. The target dummy is fucking destroyed. Whoa! That was awesome! I know, right? That was kick-ass, dude! Look, I got it all in video! Dude, you're not supposed to be recording, it's the secret stuff! Aw shit, don't tell jit! Recording blurs as the cameras quickly moved before cutting abruptly. End log Augmentation Summary 0.02 Field tests using SPC-001 were arranged. Sea Patrol P-1-2-2-1 was sailed out to known salation and festive waters. The following are results recorded across various missions. Enemy Nurse Shark Results Fucking Exploded Notes Awesome! Enemy Pygmy Shark Results Fucking Exploded Notes Cool! Enemy Blue Shark Results Fucking Exploded Notes I'm never gonna get tired of that. Enemy Bottle Nose Dolphin Results Fucking Exploded Notes What kind of self-respecting mammal willingly goes back into the water? Enemy Wabagong Results Projectile bounced and hit a nearby tuna, which fucking exploded. Notes Was that even a shark? Enemy Are we PETA yet, activist? Results What's worse than fucking exploded? With whatever that is, that's what happened. Notes This works against people too, apparently. We can finally bring our battle to the land-dwelling allies of the salation menace, sharkics, AWPY, Wilson's Wildlife Solutions, and those filthy, filthy, serpent's fists will quake in their pathetic salation-sympathizing boots. Enemy Goblin Shark Results Fucking Exploded Notes I feel some changes in SPC-001. It took several shots this time. Enemy Devil Ray Results Exploded Notes Same old, same old. Enemy Coral Reef Shark Results Beat Notes Does anyone even read these? Enemy Killer Whale Results Punched Notes I'm pretty sure this cannon arm thing is fucking up somehow. I can't hit for shit anymore. Enemy Great White Results Escaped Notes I think this is the first time I lose one in years. I just can't even be fucked to care. Enemy Megalodon Results Mission Refused Notes Upon refusal of an engagement, SPC-001 underwent significant investigation by center-point dexters and was determined to not be suffering from structural defects. Everwood underwent a psychiatric evaluation and was found to possess only 90% hatred of salations, 30% lower than typical center personnel. After being informed of Everwood's score, the Cowabunga Committee requested a personal assessment. Augmentation Summary 0.03 The following is a transcription of the properly recorded meeting between Everwood and the Cowabunga Committee. Hello, Jay. We know why you're here, so let's get right to it. Everwood C-12 and C-4 are silent for 15 seconds. Everwood looks at C-12 expectantly. Were you done talking? Yes, I was expecting your acknowledgement. Okay, sorry, I was just wanting to make sure. Yes, I- You just, you know, you could have made that a little more clear, because of the way you were talking. Right, yeah, I- Kind of implied you were going to start the conversation. It's fine. So good, dudeette! As I was saying, we have noticed your salation hatred score is dipped significantly. Is there something that perhaps has caused you a problem? Maybe a problem with co-workers? Because we've received complaints about Summerman, Ann. Not really. No. I see. Have you perhaps been associating with salation sympathizers? What? God no. I would never trust a shark, or those who cavort with them. I see a shark, I punch it. It's what I've always done. It's what I do. It's what I'll always do. It's why we have fists, you know? What good are fists if they're not being used to knock some overgrown fish senseless, right? Hell yeah, preach it, sis! C-4 reaches forward to High Five Everwood. She stands and returns to High Five. C-12 stares at the two before clearing his throat. Would you say anything has changed at all? Well, like my test results indicated, I haven't been feeling as into punching sharks as I used to. I'm not sure why. If anything, I should hate them more considering one of those idiots tore my punching arm off. Your canon arm is sick, though! I dig the canon aesthetic. Thanks. Hmm. Perhaps that augment, SPC-001, has affected your drive somehow. Woah! What is it for? So like, okay, imagine that our arm is like, a metaphorical hate boner for sharks. Can we not talk about dicks? This is being properly recorded. And like, for some reason, it's gone floppy now. C-12 sighs in exasperation. Everwood winces. You know, earlier, when you asked if something was wrong, I… lied. I didn't really want to talk about it, but it looks like I have to. Aw, dang! I thought I was a little close! At least we're not talking about dicks anymore. So, something did change? Yeah. Well, go on then. Everything I said earlier about my love for punching those damn things, it's still true, but my heart's just not in it anymore, I think. Ever since this damn thing was slapped on my arm, I've been kicking a ton of shark ass, but it's just not the same. It's almost… too easy. It doesn't feel right. C-12 and C-4 exchange looks. C-12 nods at C-4, and then turn back to Everwood. Okay. I am going to assign you some basic salation-pognitorial engagement. You are ordered to not use SPC-001 during these engagements. Are you sure? That's a good idea. My right hooks were awesome, but my left can't even crack concrete. I believe that you grew accustomed to dispatching salation targets with SPC-001 as opposed to the good ol' fashion way. Maybe going back to your roots will help you figure things out. Hell yeah! Give those sharks a clobberin', Jay! I… I guess I'll try. End log Following Everwood's meeting with the Kalabunga Committee, she was placed in a beginner squad. SPC-001 was disguised with a fist prosthetic covering its barrel. Augmentation Summary 0.04 Following a series of uneventful salation engagements in which Everwood underperformed impugnitorial prowess, a training event was scheduled in order to train her in use of her left arm. Due to the use of live targets in this training event, Everwood was disarmed a second time via a mandible strike to the left of her limb. Before a marine fighting team could intervene, SPC-001 activated and fired a large fist-shaped energy projectile Everwood's opponent. The salation threat subsequently fucking exploded. Future personnel selected for the SPC-001 program are to have their arms fed to salations prior to engagement. Research into the effects of subjects losing additional appendages to supply power to SPC-001 is currently underway. Following this event, Justine Everwood resigned from the center and was relieved of SPC-001. Below was a transcribed recording of Everwood's resignation assessment. Begin log This is Center Human Resources Personnel Nigel Masters with Justine Everwood. Release number D-1-2-2-1, regarding the resignation of said Justine Everwood. Just call me Jay and please, I want to get this over with as soon as possible. As you wish. I'm just going to ask you a few questions, procedure and whatnot, I hope you understand. Sure. Thank you Jay. Now, why do you wish to leave the center? I'm bored. Could you clarify? I'm not sure what more beyond I and Am and Bored, I have to say about this, but okay. Both were silent for 8 seconds before Everwood speaks again. Imagine having all the power in the world, any shark, no, any one, anything really, you look at, pretty much explodes. Nothing could stand before you, you are a god. And when you hold so much power, nothing is a challenge. I see. Do you really? I could blow up beasts bigger than this entire building without even batting an eye. We're meant to engage sharks in pugilism, after they put that damn machine on me, none of them could possibly pose a threat, so I got bored. I stopped caring, I stopped hating the sharks, I almost felt bad for them. Thank you for elaborating. I'm not done, that machine, the one they put on my arm, weaponizes hate, so without the will to fight, this was bound to happen. Everwood rolls her shoulder bringing attention to both her missing arms. Really, I just went along with it for as long as I did, because deep down inside I hoped that it would be fun again. But it wasn't, and now I can't wipe my own ass. I am sorry. I don't care, please give me your next question. Are you aware that you cannot return to the center after leaving? Does it look like I'd be any use punching sharks? Noted. Anything else, or can I go home now? Umm, no, that would be it. I just need you to sign this document for me, though I'm not sure how we will accomplish this given your, um, situation. I got it. Everwood leans forward and grabs a pen off Master's desk using her mouth. Master points to the requested signature, and Everwood proceeds to scribble nonsensically by flailing her neck. Once done, Everwood spits out the pen and stands. Just one more thing I need you to do for me. Please step forward to the amnesia induction area. Everwood nods and approaches a set of doors to the right. Commander Alice opens the door holding a baseball bat. Hey Jay, sorry about what's going to happen. It's no big deal. You're just doing your job, and it's not like I'm going to remember it anyway. No, but you certainly will feel it.