 What is up to all my psychology lovers, renegade readers and former gifted children? It's your boy Ian here today to do a full book breakdown and book review on Alice Miller's The Drama of the Gifted Child, The Search for the True Self. And I am very excited for this book breakdown because all of us have been a victim to parental projection. And all of our parents were victims of that also. Unless you had very knowledgeable or very open parents, they were just continuing a cycle of projection on you. And that is the main concept that Alice Miller explores in this text. So before we get into all the details, I just want to let you guys know the four different things I'm going to be doing in this book breakdown. First of all, I'm going to be breaking down the book chapter by chapter. Second, I'm going to be contrasting Alice Miller viewpoints with modern thinkers, a couple postmodernists, and the early cycle analytical thinkers such as Carl Jung, Otto Ronk, Sigmund Freud, Wilhelm Reich, and others. Third, I'm going to be updating and making some of the ideas in the book because it was written in 1979, relevant to 2022. Fourth, I'm going to be giving you practical advice, practical self development tips on how to utilize this to improve your own life, because that's what this is about. We are we only read books on this channel that can change our us make us better people so that we can go change the world and wake up individuals one one at a time so that we can end unnecessary suffering. Education is one of the main ways to do that. So I'm super excited about this. So what is parental projection? But before we get into that, we need to figure out what does a child need? What is childhood? And quote, the child has a primary need from the very beginning of her life to be regarded and respected as the person she really is at any given time. When we speak here of the person she really is at any given time, we mean emotions, sensations and their expression from the first day onward. So let me just ask right now, how many of your parents gave you that full expression to be who you really are. And you know, maybe they did. But let's talk about the minute stuff. Anytime religion, the modern he God religions are involved. Anytime public education is involved. Anytime a hyper fixation by parents on sports or academics is involved. You are a victim of parental projection. And Alice Miller argues that unless you fix this, you are going to do the same thing to your children in an unconscious way, unless you go through the act of coming to terms with this and individuating, you are going to do this. And our parents did this to us because their parents did this to them in the modern world for the first time ever, we have the freedom not to do this to our kids at times. Some of us do, but and I just want to really, really, really fast mention some of the excuses I've heard when I talk about this stuff, people will say one to me, well, you've never had kids before, you know, you'll, you one day you'll understand why I did everything I did, you'll understand why, or I was just doing the best job I could, you know, that's fine. I understand that life is hard. But first one, you never had to have children to that was a choice to you can live in an impoverished, terrible life in a terrible place, and still not project on to your children, you can let them express their emotions, sensations from the first day onward, because let's hop into the second group of quotes, because I feel like this will explain this better, the most a facious objects for substitute gratification are a parent's own children. The newborn, or small, the newborn baby or small child is completely dependent on his parents. And since their caring is essential for his existence, he does all he can to avoid losing them. From the first day onward, he'll muster all of his resources to this end, like a small plant that turns toward the sun in order to survive. And another quote real fast, the role secured love for the child, that is his parents exploitation, he could sense that he was needed in this need guaranteed him a measure of existential security. So our parents want these things for us, they are maybe filling a soul image within for us through them things that they can never do things that they want for us that they have never got or unconsciously repressing, they project this onto us. And we as children or adolescents want to satisfy that we want to give that to them, because that we have a psychic and physical connection most importantly to our mothers, but also our fathers, we want to gratify them more so than anything. So we are going to become what they want us to become. But is that what we want to become? And you know, you might be like, this is just a part of childhood, man. But why do you think so now let's fast forward into modern society. Why do so many people not do what they want to do with their life? Why are so many people unhappy working jobs that they hate participating in a system that exploits them? Why is suicide depression? And all the all the other key factors increasing, you could say technology, but what does technology do technology projects and like technological algorithms project themselves onto you and try to change you that is what I mean it's so funny that is what social media and technology does it tries to change your behaviors in small ways to align to to it so that it can then send you down a sales fund or or whatever the whatever the goal is of modern technology companies when you are hearing this now. All this projection creates like I said a lot of analysis paralysis, a lot of paralysis in individuals, a lot of individuals never reach even 5% of their potential. Every, you know, I was I think every 15 years. So listen to this. This I think my math is correct here if you slept eight hours a night. So it's 56 hours a week and then worked 40 hours a week. So you have 106 hours a week for sleep and work. And then you took all that free time and then you multiply that for 15 years, I think you would have 45,000 hours if I remember correctly, it's some insane amount like 45,000 hours of free time after work and after sleeping to to become whatever. So from the ages of let's say 18 to 33, if you were working the whole time and sleeping well every single night, you have 45,000 hours to become whatever you want to become. What do people do with that time? What do children what do parents how do parents make their children from let's say ages three to 18 do with their time? Mostly it's wasted wasted on screens wasted in the public education system. What does the public education system do the public in America and most European countries in the West and I would assume in the East to it is outcome based education. It is meant to turn every single student into a very similar mold. It's it it differs from the more of a liberal arts education that lets you branch off. It wants us to become citizens to become taxpayers. And that's why there's standardizations and all these different things. And that's why also how well can a child learn in a class with 40 other kids and one teacher that is underpaid and doesn't want to be there and is probably only there because they couldn't get another job in their lazy like that that's who most teachers are in 2022. How much room for growth is there? I would contend and I know this is true that most that a kid could not learn any math. The kid could learn some basic math along the way, but and reading and writing and have room to grow right they can have 13 or 14 years to be themselves and at 14 or 15 then be sat down and with a tutor that they enjoy that they have a good chemistry with and within 100 hours and 100 hours for each subject be caught up with their peers. And that's a very extreme example, but it doesn't take that long because when you are in the class with 40 kids and you the the teacher has to cater to the slowest kid in the class. You don't get very much done over the course of 12 years. Trust me, I know I'm a teacher. I know how you know what kids I know about that 45 hour that all that wasted time. I mean, because if I times like all the time spent in school, those tens of thousands of hours that kids spend or thousands of hours that kids spend could become could be could be so much greater. And I think it's a it's a huge travesty man that all this time is wasted. I would and and I hate to bring it back to the parenting right I hate to bring it back to parenting because it's very unfashionable in today's society to mention the nuclear family and to talk about the importance of that because what if we just let if like we said you know Alice Cooper like schools out forever right and we sent like you know the kids kids back back it was like what happened in with the lockdowns violence video game usage drug usage suicide are all going to increase gang violence you know that's what happens if with certain sectors of kids if you release them back into their life they're going they have no authority figures they have no um they have no parental they have no parents at home maybe because their parents are working too much or they're in a single family household and their mom or dad has to work 60 hours a week to support their three siblings so who do they turn to they turn to their compatriots they look for they look at a horizontal manner at um their peers who are in the same position and then they lash out all of this anger all of this things that they've been projected on onto society and that's how crime starts that's how all these things start to happen it's a really terrible cycle so it's like we're getting projected on by technology kids are technology their parents the public education system their peers you're so and that's what also is crazy is that you can have a great group of friends right you are a great what what if you have really great parents and they like really you know don't do this very much like a little bit like everyone has to everyone does this a little bit in relationships and in life so what happens when a child has to go interact with other kids though who are experiencing all this they are going to assimilate to their friends of course that's what happens with children they want to fit in they want to be a part of the group and they are going to then get into a cycle of projection because their friends are going to be projecting their um their parents projections onto other children and there's this whole cycle and it all comes back to the same end goal that transcends all politics it's to create a society by waking up every single individual consciousness to non-violence and to non-projection onto others and to you know a charitable mindset that is the goal every other solution sucks every other solution will eventually break down we have not we want to solve we want to go to space but we haven't been able to teach people the two fundamentals of life don't hurt others and don't project onto others let people be who they want to be as long as they aren't um you know pushing that onto others or with violence you know emotional physical or um spirit in a spiritual way spiritual violence or mental you know whatever we haven't solved that problem yet that is the goal that's why books like this are so important because we have to bring everyone back it's like we have to go back to like these fundamental things and talk to people like they're idiots because they kind of are idiots that haven't figured out that they are just following this unconscious cycle that their parents were a part of this cycle of abuse continues every single day and almost every single household in the world and is up to us to stop it there is no political solution there is no religious solution there's only a educational solution and it is up to us and it god damn it doesn't start you don't talk to your neighbor about this we have to get online we have to be able to scale this message we have to scale this message in an extreme way i'm not saying yet you don't go talk to your neighbor you need to do that that's a part of this but we have to utilize there's seven billion people that we need to reach and bring back to these core fundamentals of life of non-violence and non-projection and before we hop into the chapter by chapter breakdown i just want to say that is the goal of this channel and i think of every single conscious human in this world i'm not even projecting that that we need that when one suffers we all suffer we are suffering because of projection parental projection that creates actually a lot of the violence in our society so it is up to us to fix that you know and by fix by and it starts with us though that's the thing that most people you know don't think about is it starts with mastering it first ourselves and then we can go share that with others a lot of people get stuck in actually i would say 90% percent of people fix themselves right who are into the stuff they fix themselves but they never go and fix others they almost use that power to exploit their life to live a confined existence they are not trying to write books push themselves to help other people learn this knowledge and that is i would say the lowest form of consciousness is learning knowledge giving being given the gift of knowledge by someone like an alice miller by whoever whatever mentor and they're not continuing to share that knowledge what if alice miller never wrote this book where would what where would we be you know i mean obviously no one obviously not much further away from we are now because everyone's everyone's doing this anyway but it takes courage to do this and a lot of us don't have courage because of what happened in childhood that's what i'm trying to say here a lot of us have this analysis paralysis this ineptitude to take action and to show courage because it's not what aligns with our axiomatic foundation of projection or our parents axiomatic foundation that they projected on to us of what we needed to become no parent wants their kid to be leading the revolution of education they want their kid to be secure and happy and to have a family most of the time when are you gonna have kids johnny you know it never ends the projection never ends my my parents i have almost had to force my parents and to see me i have just become this beacon of light that like it doesn't you cannot you have to see me for who i am but like i have you know for close friends that like their parents refuse to see them for who they are they won't even look at them and like in the face when they're like telling them things that they that don't align with what they want them to be that is a problem and it's up to us to end the cycle so one of the main themes of chapter one and we touched on this a little bit already is that parents love to kill their children's feelings parents love you know the modern parent loves even the classical parent love to not let their children express themselves for who they really are and this isn't some claim that you know parents shouldn't be able to put the iron fist down when kids are being irrational or illogical but just in general in the moment by moment throughout the day kids should be able to be who they want to be and i love dog training and cat training i've can't i've you know trained my dog and trained my cat my cat can walk on a harness um do a couple tricks come to me when i call him eat when he i want him to you know and if any of you guys ever seen cesar malon you know the dog whisperer or jackson galaxy the cat whisperer all they do is that they come into this house and they do a couple quick tricks and show some stuff but at the end of the day 99 of what they're doing is just telling the people that the dog or cat needs physical and mental stimulation and then suddenly all the problems are solved same with my cat like sometimes my cat five in the morning will take his one little claw and just jab me in the back and it's because i didn't play with him enough and the night before you know i didn't sit 20 for 20 minutes before bed and wear him out with the uh with the mouse toy and if i don't literally if i don't do it i he will do it routinely because he just has too much energy to stay asleep and wants to have some fun so then i have to sit and play with him a little bit at five in the morning and then he'll plop out down and go to sleep and then i can go to sleep kids are the same way have any of you guys ever been in public before and like seen just an kid having a you know just acting really bad but then the parents are acting bad or the kids aren't even acting bad but the parents are having a terrible reaction reaction when i was living up in jackson wyoming last summer i was out doing yoga in a park near um okay just in a park and there's these tourists were walking by and i could they had these southern accents and their hands were just filled with bags they probably spent a thousand plus dollars that day they looked kind of posh and the kid was just running around and pushing the dad and like trying to have fun and the dad was pissed he's like johnny johnny and then eventually the kid didn't stop so it with you know they had walked like 30 feet and the kid didn't stop so the dad rips the kids pants down and is just sort of smacking them in the butt and by this point they're about five feet from me this is happening right in front of me and i'm in you know i'm in lotus position and the and uh the wife was like looking at me like oh no and then the kid is just screaming bloody murder just and then the dad the kid won't walk anymore because the kids just got his head down so the dad picks them up and this kid's like seven or eight years old a pretty big kid and the dad just picks him up and is walking with the kids who just is flailing and screaming and you know then they walked away you know that's a very extreme example that has really nothing to do with what i'm talking about but parents don't honor their kids feelings because any for instance any parent that puts their kid their kid into public education probably isn't honoring their kids feelings let's talk about let's talk about um something pretend there was a government mandated martial art school that everybody had to attend right everybody has to go attend this government mandated martial art school and it's really important you know that you learn martial arts because let's just say it's a there's like monsters out there that can kill you so you really need to know your jujitsu and some kickboxing skills to be able to fend off these things because let's just say weapons weapons don't exist the eretical world so you show up and that's what you know that's what school is you know supposed to teach you the skills to you know live a fulfilled life you show up and there's seven six the other kids are adults in your class you have a teacher and he's been hired by the government he's making 45 000 a year and he only is teaching there because he's too lazy to do anything else and because at the end of 30 years he gets a nice pension there's good healthcare and he can't get fired unless he says a slur or injure someone on purpose he can't get fired because there's a martial arts union he's now your teacher and he doesn't really care he's not really well trained he got he got a martial arts you know he got a black belt from someone random a long time ago and he's now your teacher and there's 50 other people in there and you guys all have to learn and everyone's just as clueless as you and doesn't care just as much as you because who's ever going to get confronted by a monster how much are you really going to be is that would that be a very good environment for you to go in if there was a high risk of violence every single day when you left against these monsters you would not feel very good you with that pressure with that imminent pressure of like getting attacked by a monster you'd be like i need to find someone better i need to find someone to train one-on-one with as much as i can and when i can't maybe afford that or do that i need to have you know be in a small group of five or six people and we need to do that that makes perfect sense well 99% of parents don't do that they don't uh send their kids to a small very small private school or do co-homeschooling with other parents you know what they do is send their kid into the you know and into the into the um government school and the problem is is that that pressure isn't there the pressure isn't there to you know because no one can see that the kid isn't progressing no one can tell that all this time is being wasted tens of thousands of hours are being wasted and the children do not have the opportunity to express themselves in any way there are rules there are there is a bell schedule can you imagine man being a kid let's say you're 10 years old and you're really you're playing the violin right for the and for the first time you really tap into that flow and you know in a in a band class orchestra class you know there was always have 70 kids in them in you know a city and you can't practice on your own there's no one-on-one instruction but let's say there is you're you're over in the corner you finally hit the flow you got you're playing Mozart or something for the first time and you know swan lake and it's flowing and then ding time for math class and then then someone walks up you have to leave it's you are you need to go to your next class well I just finally got swan lake for the first time I'm having an enlightened experience or they can't probably know how to say that but I'm feeling it nope and then suddenly you're in math class under the bright led lights with kids everywhere and a teacher that doesn't care and you're a type and you're doing algebra one now you're doing equations the brain does not work like that the brain likes long spurts you know and then when we go home if we look at parents home and I'm very hard on parents because before I decide to inseminate a woman you know I mean just to say as objectively as possible to have sex with the purpose of having a child and then if I get someone pregnant to say I'm going to have this child instead of getting an abortion you know or you know for them if like should we get an abortion or not if we decide to go through with it I'm going that is a statement that I am going to dedicate myself as much as I can but much as I can isn't just doing the best job I can it's going all of the way it is spending um having the money you know money is an important thing having the time having the resources having the inner character development not to project and do all these things so that my children can grow and that's actually the most important thing because kids don't need that much money they don't care about a lot of those things what they care about is time and the space to be them that's what we're talking about here but if I'm going to engage you know embark on this endeavor you know and that's like what the problem with our society is is that no one even cares like I I know a guy and he just had a kid and I was like hey man you know you can read any books do any research and nope and you know it's it's a disaster I mean you know that was a couple years ago and the parenting I've seen has just been an absolute disaster you know and I'm seeing it from afar so no one has a plan everyone's just is running into this everyone has been projected on by their parents by the school system by their jobs what is it the modern job other than just projection land most jobs I would say 99 percent of jobs are absolutely useless that you know one day they're going to be replaced by robots and AI because they can just be done you know you know so these jobs these useless jobs have people who don't have the confidence don't have the courage to step out and take risks to be risk takers they are not fulfilling their life purpose they are projecting an image that is not them on to themselves uh Johnny the mechanic or this person and you know people like to say well how would society function you know how society would function if everyone lived up to their true potential we would already have robots to do all this by now we wouldn't need electric cars mechanics would be all these things would be obsolete no one would be going to mcdonald's or you know doing um you know there would be no need for the mall because everyone would just um you know fashion and poor dietary habits and all these addictions the cornerstone the the the the whole gas station in general would just not even need to exist because no one would need hot cheetos or gasoline anymore none of these things would even exist if everyone just for 10 years said all right we're going to take a hit things are going to be hard but we're all going to try to maximize our potential and you know try to cure cancer or try to cure um try to get every single car on the road electric or be get on a sustainable power grid take up where tesla left off you know nickel low tesla we did that there would be some rough you know there would be some poverty there would be some problems and if people said you know hey you know the guy at the gas station isn't going to um most likely be the next you know the nuclear physicists that helps us you know so you know take science to the next level but he can be the guy that is supporting that guy he can be the guy that you know when that guy comes home every day gives him some encouragement or does something for him does service for the people everyone is in on it and everyone is friendly to each other it's not this these weird relationships like you know like the old master slave relationships or the old you know the servant relationships of today are like you know the house cleaner relationships hello Betty it's like no these people are integral parts we respect them because we all have the same purpose now when um the house cleaner comes and you know if the house cleaner comes and you're making a bunch of money it's like oh man we've got to get out of the house and let them do their thing but this is um Amy that your neighbor the person who's helping you achieve the cure to cancer when you achieve that you know your little part then her life's going to get better too and then everyone's going to be able to relax more everyone's going to be invested and in on it no one's just trying to pay the bills anymore you know i know i'm going full utopia and and not even you know but this is the problem this is what happens when you kill kill children's feelings is that we don't have the opportunity to ever even feel this to ever even feel our fullest expression um oh so only repression can occur without full acceptance only so every single you know if there is this general in you know parents make mistakes i'm not an idiot dude like i'm not calling for parents to like be perfect like everyone makes mistakes everyone might need to go through hard times you might need for nine months to you know make some big decisions not to you know have to you might need to go to work or do some stuff then you know your kid may suffer a little bit you know we all have to make those decisions but in the long run if we look at it the scope of the 18 years or the 20 years of their life 30 years your whole relationship with them till they die you know if you have them at 30 until you die 50 years later is it 99% acceptance and 1% repression then whatever but every single time if it's 30% even 30% repression or 10% repression that has a lot of psychic weight because people do not understand psychology we hate education people hate psychology you know men you know and this is you know i'm making generalizations here but you know there's been a revival you know men have always been you know this is i'm making a statement here a generalization but i would think i would say that this is true and i would say some stats would back this up that men in general are a little bit more interested maybe not anymore but insight like the average american male is a little bit more interested in psychology than the average american female we can see this through like people like robert blei jordan peterson these type of figures kind of blowing up more i don't know if that's true but that's just something i've noticed being a teacher that there is like this divide you know anyway but anyway nine you know 99% people don't care or don't read any you know they're not watching this book review and reading alice miller right now so they don't have any tools or any language or any vocabulary for what for what happened so then they go to a psychotherapist right so this person now goes to a psychotherapist but the psychotherapist this is a disaster i mean everybody this is an absolute disaster if you're still watching this please leave a comment on the sequence i'm taking you through because they go to the psychotherapist and the psychotherapist was trained not in alice miller's union psychology or you know freudian or they you know did some experimental interpersonal spiritual psychology no they were trained in cognitive cognitive behavioral therapy CBT and which is the most deductive BS form of you know therapy there is and it's the most effective because you guys know what cognitive their behavioral therapy is it's outcome based therapy it's saying okay there are there are normal behaviors right like johnny screams all the time he screams all night every time he sees the color red he screams well johnny not screaming anymore is good if we can get you know the main goal now is to get johnny not screaming when he sees the color red and that makes sense right because there was a long and weird history of all the freudians you know the psychotherapist not actually like fixing problems but that doesn't fix the core problem why is johnny screaming of every single time he sees the color red i don't even care if johnny is screaming at um with all the time i want to know why and for johnny to express that so that he can maybe work through this this could be a phase trying to change johnny into something else sounds a lot like you know engineer you know human social engineering or trying to engineer a human into something that they're not it's like outcome based education and we think we already talked about that outcome based psychology is a disaster so this person's going to come to this place and they're going to say i have this void within me i have these problems you know that i i don't feel whole you know i have accomplished all these things but there's these things and the person's not going to say well let's go into your past let's do active imagination exercises they're not going to do real therapy they're going to say well how can we fix that they're going to try to fix the problem for you but that trying to fix the problem is not really letting someone express himself in the fullest manner and it's this delicate balance in psychology because as we saw in the 60s and the 70s um what was it called like the primus screen people that you know the big trend in like the 60s and 70s after like we went too far into the well what did your father do to you with you know the Freudian psychology kick in the you know 30s and 40s and 50s in the 60s and 70s we went the opposite direction is like we just need to let it out and that's where you know with the hippie moving stuff and people you know that's when you need to hit the pillow you know people would be hitting the pillow and screaming and some people do that today and you know they went to that extreme that we have to let out this primal energy and what it's the middle ground though you have to be able to go into the past and figure out these problems and you also need very you know primal ways or not so primal ways to express that and I would say that yoga and you know going on the sun and lifting weights and like the true basics are and you know reading nice poetry and having nice friends and not having so many led lights on all the time are a lot better way to like long term sustainable solutions and you know screaming into a pillow and punching it you know a hundred times anyway so I just wanted to mention that is that the whole society is is a projection society and I'm going to be writing an article an exclusive article on that for the men's book club is just you know called the society of projection that everywhere we go it's just projection and repression repression it's really sad actually and I would just like to conclude before we move on that the way out of this is love it is to kindness it is to patience and mindfulness we have to start there with ourselves we have to fix that within ourselves so we can stop doing this to others and then we can others will start to feel that example those start to feel our vibe and we can start bringing these terms to them you know in our real life and then obviously online education is important too but that is the first step we have to stop the cycle you know we're about to hop into you know the book and start moving a lot faster I'm just covering the first five or ten pages here in this 20 minute bit but I still can't get over how deep this cycle is so now let's talk about some reactions to repression that Alice Miller lists in the text the first one and the most annoying is intellectualism and I have to deal with this all the time with my students with people in real life and our society and technologies are enforcing this even more is left brain oriented it enforces a left brain mentality so it enforces an objective mentality to all all of life and an intellectual or objective or rational mentality toward things that matter toward even personal safety physical safety how you're you're accounting how you're going to you know make it till next week budgeting those are all you know very reasonable things that the that the objective framing is supposed to be used for when you're doing problem solving but what starts to happen is that people's whole life because they were repressed as children they were never allowed to express their emotions because parents one find it annoying they find it just annoying and they don't because they don't like to be out of control because they've never given up control in their life they want to control another's life and another's experience because they think the more that they control somebody the less chance when they they're going to be you know faced down from an overdose or something or you know turn into a maniac or and you know as we've seen you know the more a lot of the time the more constraints you put on an adolescence the more they either totally submit to you and become personality or they try and break out and they get they fall into symbol mania which is insane so but so people you know i know a lot of guys man and they wake up in the morning and they watch the news they watch politics they have this objective framing of reality and history and what's happening then they go to work and they do a job that has nothing to do with the right brain it's almost monotonous or very hard problem solving skills they then they come home and they hang out with a bunch of other people or do they go to the gym they do a very um or play video games which is very logical it's a very it there really is no room for creativity because if you're especially trying to achieve if you're playing a competitive game it's that you you're using that side of your brain more even though creativity is involved then they maybe go to the gym and do a very typical workout like you know not very expressive workout with you know multiple types of movement then they come home and maybe have a friend have a couple friends or wife or husband or whoever and they all think the same way also and they never experience the beautiful world of subjective reality and be able to think in a subjective way and my favorite way to explain subjective thinking is let's imagine star wars um number number four luke's on the farm out out on tatooine obi-wan Kenobi comes and says we need to save princess Leia from Darth Vader and you know go against the empire the empire you know all the odds odds are against him but that's been his dream his whole life that's what he's always wanted uncle ben says you know don't go this is going to hurt you and and luke says i'm not going to do it luke actually listens and says i'm not going to go and it takes the farm being burned down and them dying um his aunt and uncle dying for him to be able to make that decision but imagine they didn't die in that way imagine they didn't get hurt what would happen if luke said you know what obi-wan good luck this is up to you go find someone else i'm going to stay on my farm and just be work another season it's an important season i need to work another season what kind of movie would that be well the death star would come and blow up all the um all the planets what kind of movie would that be it wouldn't be a very good movie what did luke skywalker do subjective reality you might be saying my movie my life is in a science fiction movie but you are a character in a big simulation and your actions your life can are just like luke skywalkers you have this infinite potential and by thinking in non-subjective manners with multiple types of framing there's all these different subjective framings but there's only one logical and rational and objective framing there's only ever really one solution you know and or maybe a couple within some statistical parameters it's a very outdated and not good for certain types of situations and it's so sad to see my students stuck in this because unless they and i've you know i've taught thousands of students and gen zers you know and i'm sure every other generation was this way but 99 you know almost all of them have this mindset or they are moving into more symbol mania which we'll talk about in a second and all of them are in this mindset and unless there are a couple different things happen unless they start reading books or seeing a therapist and understand what happens they could use knowledge or truth they could also um have a be thrown uh have a near death experience an nde an nde or experience some trauma or have a crazy experience in some other way you know maybe psychedelic experience and then they get out so then that will either force them to become very you know most of the time they're going to become even more repressed in that memory but sometimes they are driven you can they'll be driven out of that um repression and intellectualism or if they start to study and take a very um the very dangerous path of spirituality because spirituality um creates a lot of times symbol mania and whatever personality those are like the traps along the along the path of spirituality so like i said most kids are never going to escape never have an opportunity to escape and are going to be entrenched in intellectualism for their whole lives and it's so funny because a lot of them suck at it a lot of them suck at intellectualism in general because they were never taught critical thinking skills like the trivium or the quadrivium they don't even have they don't understand what a Socratic dialogue is i think i talked about this earlier they have no framing for critical thinking so their whole life is based on critical thinking and rationality but they're not even trained in rationality so they really suck at it you know if you're going to be totally in one frame or just you know be so into it you might as well be really good at it you know but people aren't it's like we're waning around with these half logical people that when you bring up anything i was talking to a buddy the other day and i was like and i brought up all these great points about his potential and his artistry very talented person well uh you know i'm a dad now well this is that that doesn't matter i used to be able to do that and it's like like i said he everyone works he sleeps eight hours a night works 40 hours a week spends a couple hours a day with their kids over the next 15 years they'll probably still have 10 000 hours left to get really good at a couple different things but instead that's going to be wasted away on whatever distraction comes into the way so let's talk about symbol mania and i think actually let's read what she calls it she um alice miller calls it cult sexual perversions groups of all kinds alcohol or drugs and that's what symbol mania starts to do is that in this repression in this trauma we like symbols we like things to create flow to help move it through so that we don't have to get stuck there and actually confront these memories in this reality and the subconscious is or the consciousness we're trying to avoid this as much as possible so it gets caught in the group mentality into therapy and what's really crazy about that is most of the time that a lot of our wounds actually came from the group mentality that came you know these mindsets came from the group came from the collective and we're trying to go back to the collective to heal us and that's what alcohol and drugs make you do they help you um feel like you're back in the womb again they help you go back into that collective into that oneness into that altogetherness and that is a great thing to do but the problem is is that most of the time there is a sales funnel involved there's a there's a problem at the end of the tunnel that people first of all they don't go through that they don't go through these groups or through spirituality or even through drugs or alcohol drug or alcohol phase to become a better person and understand themselves and to work through some things they're going through it to just mellow out and to zone out from reality i i can't believe it like when i'm with people and maybe i'm partaking in some of those things i'm trying to go i'm trying to talk i'm trying to feel i'm trying to make it into an experience that i can remember and it's impactful they're just trying to shut off the blinders and it can also be used to then actually making more hyper suggestible so you know joining a cult joining a group you're becoming what happens when you enter those trance states or become part of this group is become the the crowd makes you more hyper suggestible to what the guru wants to what the leader wants to what the social media company wants to change your behavior into so these small behavior changes these small little battles that you lose along the way then make you more susceptible to the symbols and or not to the symbols but to the philosophy and usually most of the time it's done through symbolism if you look at you know the symbolism of religions or even political organizations and all these different things there's actually a lot of a cult symbolism in there because our subconscious processes symbolism whether we know it or not it is older than us even if we don't know it even if we don't believe in it it is still happening and people love that people get entrenched in that and the problem is is that they become attached to these symbols they become attached to these rituals and these trivialities and then they become they become symbol manics they become so they become addicts to that and that is all to avoid what happened and they think that they're doing something look how expressive I am I'm doing yoga I'm doing art I'm at the festival burning man whoo but like I said I I see the highest goal of human consciousness being able to clean house being able to you know run the antivirus software and make the soft you know make you know make some uh software upgrades and you know maybe clean out the hardware of our human computer so that we can go out into the world and eliminate all the other viruses the virus is being violence manipulation control coercion any of those things that is our goal to you know create a nonviolent world without unnecessary suffering so when I see these people doing this they think that they're doing that because they feel good and everyone around them is feeling good but they're just in an echo chamber the whole world isn't feeling that way and if you removed all that from those people if you remove those cults and those groups and their routines their yoga routine their you know daily ritual they would start to feel everything that they've repressed and also creates another sign of repression is the whatever personality and this is very sad and I've seen this in action so many different times that the whatever personality is the worst of all like I talked about that friend he has developed this one of the most action-oriented people that I knew when I was younger but I think now looking back when I look back at all of it he was the most ambitious person I know because of his parents his parents put hyper ambition into him and that was filled with some other trauma in his life so he rode that way for a couple of years but he's never confronted any of that he's never actually talked to his family or thought about all the ways that it all sucks and it's actually a disaster I'm not going to give too many details but you know there's a ton of problems and it all is now manifesting in just a whatever personality oh that's just the way it is and it's becoming the that ego his ego is becoming eliminated and it's very sad and you know it's a very sad thing to watch someone's ego become obliterated with this whatever personality and that's also what a lot of groups in simple mania try to do and that's what intellectualism does isn't that what objectivity is is that you don't have a say it's that like I said if we look at a problem objectively like all right how to like if we're looking at how to make more money well get more viewers build more traffic okay that's that's that's a way so that's one of the examples I like to talk about is that I have a friend man I tell this story all the time on this channel but I have a friend back in high school when we were 15 he dropped out of high school he was a straight-A student his parents were infuriated they you know tried to you know they put him in a behavioral school and did all these things and forced him to go to school and then when he was 16 he emancipated from them his goal when he was 15 this is what he told me he said Ian I don't need any of this I'm I'm good at this but this doesn't matter none of you guys are going to be rich one day I'm going to become friends with a rich person I'm going to become friends with rich people and make money that way and everyone laughed at me everyone was crazy but I was like oh shit that's really smart because he is he was like a he was a really good communicator he is still to this day hung out with him a couple weeks ago it's probably the best communicator I know the most personal guy I know like really good at like shmucking up a little bit so when he was 16 he started he joined listen to this he started volunteering at the local Freemason um lodge and he started to work for these guys and asked for jobs and they started to help him and he started to build up he um he made friends with the um a guy that worked at a soup shop at the Freemason started wearing nice clothing getting into high fashion and then of course he joined the Freemason and all these entrepreneurial groups around town by the time he was 22 he had made friends he became best friends with an heir of a company um a natural resource company in the southwest and he meet he becomes friends with this guy this his age who is um now inherited this huge company and his is his personal assistant now it makes 400 000 a year he's making last time I checked I haven't heard that number that was a couple years ago he's making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year and what being a personal assistant entails is for his job it's just booking flights booking um uber's getting food and he had he told me calculates that takes less than two hours a day of work that was his but he is best friends with this guy him this guy are actually like best friends I met his I hung out with his friend before they are like best best friends and he used subjective thinking everyone was laughing at him why would you drop out of school that is not guaranteed but he's like if I and he um during that whole time he was doing toast masters and um taking personal development courses on communication and reading all these books there was no way that he wasn't going to be able to make friends with someone who was rich and be able to give him an easy job what kind of thinking is that or like I know another guy that I met a long time ago um he cuddles people for a living he is a cuddler he he charges $200 an hour for male and females who are lonely to just cuddle them no sex no anything he just goes and cuddles with them $200 an hour he works for he works what's 200 times 40 he almost is always booked and does works 40 hour weeks he told me that he's going to be retired and be a multimillionaire by the time he's 40 he's been doing this probably for a while I think he's got like five years left retired for life at 40 and all he does is cuddle people a week you know it's like can you make these things up 200 times 40 okay whatever I that's probably a lot of money anyway so what this all comes back down to though is mutual codependency that code there is a mutual all these things are a mutual codependency on what the parent thinks what the group thinks because sometimes the parent can be replaced by other people by um they people move parents kids or adolescents or adults move that projection from person to person that's sometimes why you know a girl or a person with daddy issues can never be alone because they need to move that energy um that repression from person to person so that they never forget and have to confront what really happened so mutual codependency is the problem and once again the solution in a relationship to codependency to all these other things to start to win the small battles again to start taking time out for yourself to start to look back at what happened and affirming yourself again and then when you had the power to do that then you can maybe touch back into the past a little bit more so chapter number two is about grandiosity and depression and let's start off with a quote quote behind manifests and let's actually blow this up behind manifest grandiosity they're constantly lurks depression and behind a depressive mood they're often hides an unconscious or conscious but split off sense of a tragic history in fact grandiosity is the defense against depression and depression is the defense against the deep pain over the loss of the self that results from denial so there is this interlinking force between grandiosity and depression that we are going to be exploring in this chapter but first we're going to break them down one by one so let's hop into grandiosity so first of all there is a link between grandiosity um aka admiration and love and miller says that the person who's grandiose is admired everywhere and the needs of this admiration indeed he cannot live without it he must excel brilliantly in everything he undertakes which he is surely capable of doing so I actually I didn't really mention this but I'm going to be releasing a short podcast this week about Alice Miller's life she actually had a very troubled life was very interesting and kind of weird character even though she's talking about all this she's very flawed more flawed than I would say most in her position but I guess you don't have the choice of if you're going to be the person who sells millions of copies of books anyway so admiration and love so people start to seek admiration they are this void within them starts to seek admiration and when they get admiration admiration feels like love so pretend one day I have five million subscribers and I'm you know super rich and everyone's into this channel it's going to you know I'm going to be getting all this admiration and also hate but all these people are going to love what Catanac is doing however before I started this journey before you start any journey you need to ask that if no one understood me if nobody watched would I care you know as I was researching Alice Miller I watched I was coming across a couple other YouTube videos with Alice Miller about Alice Miller and I saw one video that was like eight minutes long just kind of went over some of the basic tenets of her life thousands of views this um producer had thousands of subscribers only had made about 10 videos probably you know and gotten hundreds of thousands of views um blah blah blah a lot more than I have after four years of doing this and that's fine with me because I don't care because when I started I said I understand that I'm the polarizing figure that I'm making long form content and I don't care what happens if it flowers into something beautiful that's fine and that's the same thing with love you need to say that I am a hundred percent happy being single that if I never find anyone then it's okay because if you don't say that you're going to be actually projecting on to other people when they come across you unless you actually find the perfect person because you aren't full yourself when you are doing creative work if you don't feel secure in what you're doing then it's going to create problems and that's what where admiration starts to come that if you don't aren't a hundred percent happy with how you present yourself to the world and how you express yourself and if it's not good for the times then maybe 20 30 40 years after you die people will understand it or 200 years after like we've seen a lot of great writers then that's fine but people don't want that there is an instant satisfaction from admiration it's a it's a huge drug that's what being famous is I mean if you know because it's crazy because with admiration also becomes all these different things if you become famous let's say you have a couple million followers that means that you have at the tip of your fingers a bunch of people who want to have sex with you a bunch of people who will party with you or do drugs with you a bunch of people who will affirm you would give you money and tell you that you're the best and everyone else sucks you literally have access to anything that you want and can get it almost instantly that feels like love that feels like these people love you but it's really that you're it's really you're sinking admiration because you know hooking up with fans or partying with your fans you know all those things are I guess fine or whatever but the constant use of that forever is really trying to fill a void in your heart so admiration admiration seekers are never really free because they're stuck in the cycle of continuing to seek admiration there's always something more you know one of my favorite fighters John Jones he's probably the greatest of martial artists that ever lived but he has a steroid problem he has a drug problem he has a hooker problem he has all these different problems that have destroyed his career and it's all because he loves admiration and then when it comes time to fess up about it he starts quoting the bible he starts talking about god and all these different things it's a joke you know and I see this all the time with admiration seekers that when it starts to crumble down a ton of problems start to occur so how do we escape from this so if you are a person who is hyper ambitious who is seeking admiration is very grandiose or you know someone like this they need to tap into the east and sometimes just telling someone hey let's do some meditation and do some yoga that's actually not a good method trust me I've been trying to do it for 15 years with people a lot of western people don't like that so you have to start slow you have to maybe tell them that we're going to do some movement we're going to do some calisthenics you might give them a book not a meditation book a book like Siddhartha by Herman Hesse that's only 120 pages and it's a really easy read and that it's a priming about the eastern consciousness or the Dao De Ching or something and have a discussion with them about that that's how you prime someone to eastern consciousness or maybe you have them read some poems and we I think covered this in um the human shadow book by Robert Bly how strange to think of giving up all ambition suddenly I see with such clear eyes the white flakes of snow that has just the white flake of snow that has just fallen in the horse's mane let's read that one we can we slow it down how strange to think of giving up all ambition suddenly I see with such clear eyes the white flake of snow that has just fallen in the horse's mane when you give up ambition that's from by watering the horse by Robert Bly when you give up all ambition you can start to see the world in a more clear manner because all the input all the noise all the frequency starts to fall away and that's what the early that's what the Chinese poets and poets and the people in the east have known forever and that's what the modernist in America and Europe discovered and that's why Rilke and Pound and Elliot and Williams and Jeffers Frost Olson Marion Moore although that whole era they understood and they their poetry English poetry poetry in the west became lucid for the first time because they gave up ambition and poetry they gave up trying to be like browning and you know go all the way and they relax a little bit and of course you know Robert Bly and James Wright were the next generation of people so this is I'm going to blow this up it's a little bit small but it's lying in a hammock at William Duffy's farm in Pine Island Minnesota by James Wright one of my favorite poems over my head I see the bronze butterfly asleep on the black trunk blowing like a leaf in a green shadow down the ravine by behind the empty house the cowbells follow one another into the distances of the afternoon to my right in a field of sunlight between two pines the droppings of laughter comes on a chicken hawk I lean back as the evening darkens and comes on a chicken hawk floats over looking for home I have wasted my life that's basically saying that a life without solitude without you know those small moments of listening is a life wasted you know that's what I try to do every single summer when I go spend time on you know at my parents ranch in Wyoming I literally you know it's kind of sucks I go up there I'm like I'm gonna do so much but most of the time I just sit for eight hours a day outside and just walk slowly and look around and cry and feel like so many emotions just have silence again you know having to live in Las Vegas in a city because that's where I was born and this is where I'm out until I can make enough money through this stuff to move away to a rural place I have to live in the noise I have to live in the city I have to live with every single time I go into my backyard just you know hearing the major road you know down the road down the street you know it's a lot and giving up ambition is hard in a city in a life when you have to pay the bills when you have a family but not an ambition once again we were talking about subjective reality is a very subjective reality type thing it's almost you know that's my um philosophy of yoga stretch less tense less think less eat less breathe less do more we have been taught through and once again through outcome based education that we need to work out and do all the stuff needs to be hard and life needs to be hard and it's a grind no it's not really a grind we can get most intellectual benefits from slow easy reading we can get most monetary benefits from figuring out what product we need to sell to the right people and you know slowly researching that then executing that plan we get most out of our relationships by just slow long moments with our partners not these explosive things that doesn't it doesn't feel like a connection you know I'd rather take a nice bike ride and have a picnic and look at look at look at a couple places around a town then go to Six Flags or Disneyland or whatever and have the and that's okay sometimes too but that I want there to be a lot of that and then you know out of 99 of those days to have one you know very intense day where I go you know we go do something because that's not really a connection that's more like a experience so that is I would say the cure of grandiosity is that people need to look more toward the east because the east have figured this out they figured out so much that they have become totally non ambitious and I've always said that as long as you don't blow your brain out too much and go head into symbol mania with yoga that it's a great balance because if you go pretty hard with yoga and you don't eat up all you know you don't go too hard with it then it's actually just going to balance out a lot of stuff you don't really have to do anything else you'll just become less ambitious in general and more ambitious in the right way which is just being yourself so some of the common similarities between grandiosity and depression are as follows as laid out by house miller a false self that has led to the loss of the potential true self a fragility of self-esteem because of lack of confidence in one's own feelings and wishes and let me just discuss something really fast that that when grandiosity and depression are linked because when the grandiosity goes away then there is depression I know so many people like this with athletics that they ruin you know their body starts to gain they can't do it anymore and then that depression underneath is hard and they have to confront these things as they're getting older their parents are dying their siblings are dying they can't do as much anymore the decline of the mind on moving away the family all these different pentacles of life I mean this is what the plastic surgery industry is this is what the diet pill industry is this is what all these different things are about it's rejecting what is happening to you rejecting getting older I am 28 and a half years old right now and it sucks I'm not you know I'm getting older I loved my adolescence I love the freedom I love you know my early 20s and I've loved my whole life but I'm getting older it's moving into midlife now you know and it's crazy you know it's crazy but I understand I've I had to give up a lot of things I had to give up martial arts because how hard they were on my body and my mind and the energy was taking away from things like this I had to give that up I'm as I'm making this video right now I'm still what I'm watching a you I'm I'm watching a UFC event and I still get nostalgic every time basically every time I'm in the shower for some weird reason I think of martial art moves because I dedicated my life to it for a couple years and you have to give these things up though eventually even if I kept going even if I someone was like hey no you should do that more and I still do it occasionally but if I kept going eventually at 50 or 60 I would have to give it up things life changes and it sucks but it's not the end of the world it there's always a new phase of life and at the end of life when everything has been given up you are preparing yourself for death you're preparing yourself for the next journey the final journey in this consciousness that's what a lot of these things are so a lot of people are really weird about having to give up certain aspects of reality and I don't I don't understand a lot of time and I think it's because how big we played up how much advertisers play up youth how much and youth is great when you're older you know like Cormac McCarthy says the only thing about good and old is dying you know as you're getting as you get older things get harder life isn't as easy sex isn't as good all these different things but there are things that are better if you are a writer if you were an artist like in yoga event like the body starts to decline right your your body I can't do as great of asanas or whatever but I've always heard from older practitioners that meditation and pranayama breathing exercises get a lot better and you can exist in a blissful state you can achieve some of the stuff you got in asana in a different way and those can get better up until death krishnamacharya you know the hero of modern yoga the inventor of it basically over in india he was doing it till the day he died you know meditation in pranayama and asana he was he kept the routine but obviously you know gearing more toward breathing and meditation so depressed people are perfectionists and grandiose people are perfectionists the denial and of rejected feelings both deal with those a pre ponderance of exploitative relationships an enormous fear of loss of love and therefore a great readiness to conform that is one of the killers as you know we learned as if you may be read in napoleon hills thinking grow rich a loss of love is one of the ghosts of one of the ghosts that kills people because when you if you're afraid of losing love then you're you're not going to be able to take and become your best self if you're scared of losing money you're never going to take the risk if you're scared of criticism you're never going to create your best start you have to get over these things um so we also have split off aggression oversensitivity a readiness to feel shame and guilt and restlessness these are all things that are present both in grandiosity and depression and there is this connection when that that ambition that admiration falls off this is what's awaiting that depressive state is waiting that's why it's so important to solve it early it's important to solve it whatever you're at if you're in your 20s right now like me it's so important we get this out of the way so i don't have to deal with this when my skin gets wrinkled and i am getting old and i maybe have injuries and i can't do things or i get fat or my mind starts to go a little bit or more than it's already gone now um thinking about these things now creating a lifestyle that honors that being excited i'm excited to be 50 i'm excited to be 60 my god seven years old if i make it that far and you know i'm still doing what i love to do which the simple things i love to do looking at birds you know chilling out writing some poetry reading watching the sunset if i still have an opportunity to do that i'll be a happy camp so what is depression miller talks about it being the repression of feelings and that's kind of a reductive point of view a lot of people would say that's not really maybe that progressive in 2022 as you know the whole meaning of depression but what do we need what we need are certain types of people around us first of all we can heal ourselves but let's look what alice miller talks about a therapist and most people who are screwed up out there aren't going to go see a therapist honestly most of us had screwed up childhoods and are maybe trying to work through this but we're not going to go see a therapist about it so miller says quote there are good things that we can get from this could be therapists friends partners you know people in our life reliability honesty respect trust empathy understanding and ability to clarify their emotions so that they need not bother us with them if a therapist promises unconditional love we must protect ourselves from him for his hypocrisy and lack of awareness so miller talks about that there are only two times and you know that being a child needs unconditional love all the time and i believe that but as adults we don't need to give unconditional love we kind of can in a sense but it's not required all of the time you can at that like ephemeral distant level that like recognizing that someone is just you that we are all one and they are no different than you get it on that spiritual message but that doesn't mean that you need to let them run rampant over you in your life because they are adults now and um a aligned adult is not going to be you know a toxic you know anyway unconditional love is important but instead of unconditional love you can give be over and giving you know your wife husband friend unconditional love you can be a reliable friend you can always you know be a steadfast person an honest person you can be a respectful person a trustworthy person an empathetic person all these things are what really matters i would have all of those over something that unconditionally love me for me because that's kind of weird anyway that's probably them projecting a certain problems on to me and that's what we um see miller start to talk about that some people when they are stuck in this mode they start to project unconditional love onto everybody because that's what they've always wanted so if someone is promising that to you they're having you know those aren't people that you want to be around and i've gotten myself into a toxic relationship before super toxic from doing that from saying i'm just going to unconditionally love this person no matter what they do or no matter what they force me into or my lifestyle or what i want to do my dreams so when you give this up though when you start to express your feelings a child an adult for the first time there is a certain step by step um usually method that it goes through and she talks about it through therapy like i said i understand a lot of us aren't going to go through therapy or maybe even quote unquote need therapy but usually the cycle is it's going to be hard you're going to have to accept it there's going to be this big overflow of emotions then there's going to be a sense of suppression trying to hide from it accumulating some of it because there has to be a sense of processing as you guys start this journey as we all are starting this journey of confronting all these things and learning to express ourselves once you accept it for real and you don't project a false self onto it you don't go on i'm free now look i'm expressing myself here i am i have a flower in my hair but really trying to figure out who you are it's going to take a while you're going um it might take years or months where you're going to be accumulating a lot of different emotions you're going to be waking up to things and it's going to be nasty that's the thing sometimes it's actually really nasty and that's why i get so pissed off about that a lot of people don't honor non-violence or teach that more so than anything project onto your child do all these things but don't promote um the objectification of women and violence toward what mostly women right and i'm thinking of this because there are guys that i know in the past and i i didn't know them but i've heard stories from women that it sounds like when i hear the story that looking at where the guys are now years down the road that they were domestic abusers and now they're suddenly healed or have but they usually the path is that sometimes they were just like that and that's not what i'm talking about just this person but sometimes they are reacting and trying to get out of and going through this new experimental phase to get away from their parents to cement themselves as this new person and along that road they are just doing it first of all in a terrible way they're trying to connect to the real self they're connecting to the real self a little bit but they're inflating this false self and they become violent toward other people you know men and women just everyone that comes across their path too much they become violent towards and what sucks is that that is a part of you know they make that a part of their journey and then they move on but as all you guys know um when you're a victim of violence it sometimes can linger on for years and it's kind of a weird hypocrisy and double standard that we're so screwed up as a society that a lot of people you know will make excuses and talk about you know or think that that was just a transition that was just something they had to work through and it's sad that you know a lot of young men are just at that state that get out of this to go through the turbulence they have to abuse people but that's literally what has to happen for me I was I luckily I got this done pretty fast I understood that this was going on through reading psychology and just general stuff when I was like leaving high school when I was 17, 18, 19, 20 and I got out you know never violent I one I finally got it out through martial arts I finally you know when I was 18 joined my martial arts and that helped a lot but you know just through a lot of dumb petty crimes you know egging houses you know messing around with people in college you know playing pranks planks on whoever you know just dumb stuff that didn't really hurt anybody that was just um you know look you know with shoplifting stuff you know just small things at the grocery store for no reason at all um you know it was just all these things this little phase looking back that I had to go through to get out of that you know um you know I moved to Oregon to be a ski instructor with the most wild group of guys ever it was the most insane thing ever it was just that process and then on when I was done when I literally came out of it I understood what happened to me how who I was and then what I needed to do and my life has been different ever since then I maybe drank alcohol you know a couple times since then not because I don't want to drink alcohol I just don't see the point anymore for me you know uh you know and anyway it let's full screen this it is going to be different for everyone but you need to if you're going to go through with this try to like I said keep the turbulence down especially when it comes to affecting other people for you know with big consequences when it comes to violence or saying certain things try to take it out I what I'm trying to say is maybe take it out on society a little bit more like then people you know individual people if you need to take it out maybe you know if you need to have some symbol mania or go through some stuff don't you know try to do it in that manner don't do it on others and we see a lot of young men do this is why a lot of young young men get radicalized into all factions of politics is that they are going through this they're suddenly moving away from the family but they re-assimilate back into the group and they actually don't get that much further because the the the political collective is just another childhood is just another sibling society it's the sibling society so then finally you know there then there has to be the metaphorical confrontation with the parent or the physical confrontation with the parent you know and that's finally when it kind of ends and then now there is this new person now you are this new person so so I feel like depression has a lot to do with feelings but it also has to do with the repression of feelings but also has to do with toxins in the body you know this wasn't really talked about in 1978 that a lot of foods that we eat a lot of the the our general lifestyle is very depressive and I know a lot that has to do with that we're not expressing our feelings of being who we are but I know people who aren't suffering from this who still aren't getting what they need to get done you need to do this but you also in 2022 and this is something new that they didn't realize back then there are links to depression and food to vitamin D deficiency to magnesium deficiency to addiction to certain things to video I mean there's all these new things that can also create depression that have nothing to do with this because Alice Miller survivor of the Holocaust probably was never had to deal with maybe the TV but the TV Netflix social media video games they can all be addicting they're actually meant to be addicting and you can get sucked into that vortexing can affect your life and make you depressed and it's actually has nothing to do with childhood you could still you could have solved all this and still get sucked into that because these things there's you know dope all around us so don't and you know Alice Miller also was pushing an agenda in this book if you go read her biography and what her son has to stay I'll talk about all that like I said in different posts she's pushing a certain agenda she thinks that this therapy and this is the only way to get out like I said I recommend that there needs to be that process of therapy but also there are toxins in our life that is causing this don't run to a group don't run to this channel or to me or to our membership program for help run to yourself run back to nature run to things that are higher that will automatically lift you up or bring you back down and make you confront these things and make you feel good we you know the men's book club for instance is a cornerstone is a cornerstone to create a habit of a little bit of socialization and a little bit of reading that is just one of us such a small part of all of our journeys this is just a small little thing that we do every single week there is a ton more stuff that needs to happen so let's move on to chapter number three so Miller starts to talk about in chapter three about the disrespect of up to children and that has been a huge thing that we've been talking about but let's go over some quotes from her and get her perspective well disrespect is the weapon of the weak and the defense against one's own despised and unwanted feelings which could trigger memories of events in one's repressed history and the founding head of all contempt all discrimination is the more or less conscious uncontrolled and covert exercise of power over the child by the adult but there are other things we can get from good there oh sorry wrong way except in the case of murder or serious bodily harm this unrestrained use of power is tolerated by society what adults do to their children's spirit is entirely their own affair but the child is regarded as a parent's property in the same way as the citizens of a totalitarian state are considered the property of its government until we become sensitized to the small child suffering this willing of power by adults will continue to be regarded as a normal aspect of the human condition for hardly anyone pays attention to it or takes it seriously because the victims are only children their distress is trivialized is absolutely urgent that people become aware of the degree to which this disrespect of children is persistently transmitted from one generation to the next perpetuating destructive behavior someone who slaps or hits another adult or knowingly assaults her is aware of hurting her so we trivialize the stress of children all the time you'll get over it go to school johnny it's fine it's not that bad kids in africa have it worse it's not my problem it's their kids and we you know i don't and then don't tell you know i've been at the i've you know i've heard parents say forward to some other adult don't tell my kids what to do don't do you know parents get all crazy all weird i mean i have a neighbor two houses down and you just screams cuss words as kids probably beats him up i mean it's just a terrible situation i mean i i haven't had no proof for physical abuse but you know just the worst verbal abuse i've ever heard i'm just like i can't deal with this man this is this is terrible but we have this thing and this is now coming into contention in many different now um actually politics children have been thrown back to the front of politics once again in 2022 and especially for the midterms elections in america for 2022 issues with what's being taught in school what shouldn't be taught in school what can um the state do with kids you know especially when it comes to transition therapy and all these different things but you know there isn't very much freedom for the kids on both sides is should the parents have control should the state have control or should the kids be able to make the choice can 13 year olds make choices i don't know but they can't express themselves actually if you stop them it's going to create a lot of problems but you know they would argue you know some people would argue that the choices they make when they're 13 maybe will affect them for the rest of their life and cause a lot of problems down the road so should they be able to make choices that affect them forever and you know i air more on the side of yes i air more on the side of these things are learning experiences and should be taught through education and parents should be telling their kids these things long before it ever happens and a lot of things negative things that happen with kids are actually because of parental they because they never got to express themselves before and then um you know heading to the public education system um system all these kids congregate together then they see other kids doing things so they're going to do things it becomes a whole mess instead of so and then so i get both sides of the argument that one side's trying to control kids from be able to make their own choices and the other side's trying to open it up but the other side's opening it up to a bunch of false self these kids actually aren't being who they really are supposed to be that's not what being what's being argued for what they're actually doing i see these kids they're just want to follow trends they want to dye their hair green and they which is fine and they should be able to do that but it's like is your hair being green a huge aspect of your identity no that has created so many problems especially in the modern society with high fashion and fashion clicks it just like it doesn't really matter what your hair is or what's happening or if you're wearing makeup you can or you can't you shouldn't get judged either way like i know a lot of guys we're here on the you know this is the men's men's book club post a lot of guys you know trash women for wearing a lot of makeup oh how vain but who cares if it makes them feel good then whatever you may have a preference in that school but projecting that on to women is like like they wouldn't need makeup if they you know felt good about themselves and how they are then why do we why am i you know why do i wear a crystal why do i do my hair like why do i do anything i don't do it for you guys i don't do it for anything i do it because it makes me feel good and it's like my vibe for the day and if women want to do a certain thing doesn't mean that they're you know vain and trying to get attention and no these are all narratives that actually are just projections and maybe they should be expressed but you know they're they hurt the other side though they make the other side you know being women feel bad and a lot of men actually are the ones that hold their kids back from expressing themselves on a physical level from you know because a lot of times that's the thing is that people don't realize is their greatest fear is just like a phase or a fat and if it isn't then actually maybe mean something like a kid wants to wear certain types of clothing clothing or have a certain type of hair or be a certain way they probably are just doing that and they're just going to try and do it i've tried different hairstyles done different things did it last forever absolutely not that's how it is but the more intense you make it the more of a boogie man it becomes the more that they're going to react and want to do it more and you know a lot of this a lot that the main problem though i see is that i'm so i'm talking obviously about the left and the right and this big parent debate happening right now in in america and probably around the world i know in canada the uk those are just the countries i know about because they speak english is remaining a language probably australia too religious programming the use of christianity islam uh judaism to control people instead unrealistic standards based on these old value systems is wrong value systems are great but you should be able to create them from scratch and be able to do um like we talked about earlier create a vision be a visionary for values don't need to follow those things they are very shameful and regressive and repressive all these different things i have zero support for you know modern religion even when done correctly i understand that the bible and the koran have great messages and if you look at them a whole as a whole and dissect them they really are talking about finding the true self instead of um inflating the false self and escaping the simulation and natural law all these different things right all these good things but there's so much fluff and such so much baggage along the way what's the point the point is controlled the point is actually projection and trying to escape the feelings of death and you know trying to find immortality you know i don't need to dissect religion right here but it's not helping children it helps the only reason that religious children actually do better is because the schools are structured and there's more of a focus on children children are you know given more time and focus and growth opportunities so they will do better and in those spaces they have a lot of freedom of expression but a lot of the main things or you know some of the main things like how they're going to express their sexuality and how they're going to dress or if they're going to cause if they're going to do this if they're even going to believe in the religion anymore or you know not allowed to be expressed and causes unimaginable damage i know i experienced it through i was not even in religion i was just kind of an offshoot you know inactive parents but you know sometimes would have to go for whatever reason and would be have to go to youth groups you know for a couple years of my life once a week and cause a lot of damage man of just like in rebellion and fighting against that that i didn't i didn't need that tumultuousness i didn't need to go there and need to feel pious or all these different things and it was great i actually had a lot of good experiences with you know friends or you know acquaintances i would probably say and you know camping trips and all these different things but i could have done that my parents could have found a group that didn't have this hierarchical religion crazy religious stuff happening you know and i knew it was bs the whole time since i was super young i was like this is this is down this is wrong what do you mean what do you mean so the disrespect toward children is still happening in almost every single household in the world and parents understand even parents like i know you know i'm a teacher i know so many teachers and how they treat their kids and they you know it's like the old you know applies for everyone else but not for me when i'm stressed i can do these things or it doesn't really matter if you are i mean sending your kid to public school in general is opening up the potential for them to get bullied and to get hurt and get made fun of and to be um repressed in so many different ways every opportunity in life does that but it's not like it's strengthening usually it breaks down and sends people off the course it's not like these people are who they have had long-term connections with or maybe giving them critical advices advice or they're just troubled themselves and the kid knows it or you address this with that child's parents because a lot of the time the school is so big that the parents don't know each other so if they're having a problem they're not even connected so like in a small homeschooling group if johnny is being mean to sam then sam's mom can you know knows john's mom and they can work something out they can talk about it there's a lot of steps they can maybe monitor you know have them have play dates together but just monitor monitor them you know and let them kind of get over this rough patch so they they can actually be friends there's a lot of room for growth but in a school with an administration that doesn't care administration that protects and there's all this information stuff and probably on the other side a parent that doesn't care that's why the kids being an asshole it's a mess so and and you know this kind of gets crazy because I've read arguments there's like more libertarian-esque arguments that say kids should be totally independent that parents really have no obligation at all to their children and you know if we want to go with pure freedom approach I don't know if I agree with that but that parent should be taking care of their kids basic needs you know they should be taking care of their basic needs until the until you know the kid the child can on its own and you know and they continue can continue to but they shouldn't be involving any coercion or manipulation in that relationship at all because you know a lot of times parents use the idea of security and a roof over your head and a hot plate of a meal and detention and I'll take your phone away against kids for their bad action there's always a so that's what the problem is is that there's always a punishment right that if you dye your hair green so if they your parents say you can't dye your hair green and then you go and you dye your hair green after school okay now your hair is green so now you may have to dye it back or your phone is going to get taken you won't be able to hang it there's always this punishment so this is creating a sense of this is creating a reinforcement cycle that you shouldn't do things against the grain that you care about what you feel doesn't matter really matters that you conform and then we see this with the society of employees we have now and all the people who are scared to take a risk or to stand up against you know policies local policies that they don't enjoy with sexual addiction and sexual exploitation it can trauma and I mean obviously right and Miller talks about how to get over that to move through that once again you have to learn to express your feelings because a lot of people now in tender culture bumble culture I'm sure you couldn't even imagine what it's turned the the scope of that now it's all empty voids of abandonment and issues and problems and the introduction of pornography for most people under the age of 30 now in 2022 at probably a young age in their life through the internet that is a very violating thing too and creates a lot of problems with the values and what she talks about though is that these disgusting memories the memories of getting caught masturbating or you know some sexual deviancy then you're labeled as this there's this embarrassing moment but that you may fetish fetishize that and then continue to do that with partners throughout your life do these do regressive acts to then keep playing out that thing because you were not accepted for um what you were doing you know it's not like you know you know it's like one thing if you're doing something actually really intense but it's another thing if your child is masturbating or doing something or even having sex at you know in high school or something like people will freak out over that stuff but really it's about like I said I feel like a lot of this is preventative a lot of this stuff is the more they can express themselves when in in positive ways like in martial arts and in youth groups and through sports and through clubs and reading and writing and art the less of the other stuff that's going to happen and if it does it's going to be pretty mild that's what I've always seen with my students the really good parents when they're kids it was time for them to rebel and shake the boat a little bit they did but it most of the time it was short lived and not that serious you know they were kind of posers and fakers which is probably a good thing and then they you know are going to move on to be more successful through life because it was just a thing and their parents you know maybe were a little bit nervous but let them move through it so we're not going to talk about her um interpretation of Herman Hesse's novel that's so funny that she mentions Herman Hesse because I had forgot she did earlier on I mentioned Sid Hartha I didn't know I forgot that she had mentioned that at the end of the book but we're gonna actually that's actually a really good book to do for the men's book club along with Sid Hartha and some other ones so we'll I don't want to spoil anything there's some spoilers in there you probably already had a spoiler for yourself but for the future we won't do that so now we get into the solutions and we've been talking about a little bit before but there are no therapeutic effects man the problem is the compulsion of repeating that these things continue to happen much like addicts and quote therapeutic effects may be achieved the aim of therapy however is not to correct the past but to enable the patient to both confront his own history and to grieve over it to give them real experience books this course these things are just a motivation for you to go and do the things this isn't going to help you heal but this is where you will come this is where a lot of people come to feel like they're healing to do pseudo work you know to do to inflate the fall self or to not really do anything just get stuck that's why when you leave that's what we're trying to do here with this club though is to talk about this and to get it together that's what I want to do if anyone has chose up for the book call next week if you guys have made it through you know I will have a link to that in the time in the men's book club it will that's what we need to discuss like what are the action steps and I really found this quote very insightful she starts talking about how this is where he gets crazy this is I love this this is why I love when people do this we were talking about framing earlier right like framing reality what if we frame reality that all the like not your life but your life all the problems in your life that like all the things that you don't like and all the shit that other people are doing to you all because of this projection from parents onto children at a young age and now everyone just is living it out and hasn't solved it you know instead of saying it's um you know class exploitation or not enough people get pulled themselves up by the bootstraps laziness or like the typical excuses what if you said you know there's a million you know and there's a ton of other ones it's because of the parents and Alice Miller says quote political action can be fed by the unconscious rage of children who have been misused imprisoned exploited cramped and drilled this rage can be partially discharged and fighting enemies without having to give up the idealization of one's own parents the old dependency will then simply be shifted to a new group or leader if however disillusionment and the result resultant mourning can be lived through social and political disengagement do not usually follow but our actions but our actions are freed from the compulsion to repeat they can have a clear goal formed out of conscious decisions so that's what happens our rage right now especially with the polarization of this country we have had like i said some of the worst projection maybe in the history of the human species lately and that's why people are taking you out with these groups political parties tiktok instagram that is all just a big group we're just big numbers the youtube we're just a big drop in the pool trying to fit in trying to be a part of something trying to be a part of a content creator journey all these different things are trying to almost escape from this and from this point of view from this experience that we are all traumatized you know everything that's happening what does she list i mean the arms race like just the most typical hyper masculine projection of the phallus of all time you know all these different things and that's why i really try to stay apolitical on this channel and you know i of course no one can really be apolitical but just to focus on ideas and the policies because everything else is such a mess and when you get involved in it it's meant to split you to polarize you to have ideas like you can't get you can't yeah i just want the political parties are polarized in this perfect way that if you choose one there's like any conscious person let me just say this this is any conscious human being especially in america with only two parties but anywhere else honestly can't really choose a political party without these huge divides that have to happen even if the politicians don't even believe in those divides these huge issues and you can't really vote for a ticket that is just and nice anymore and it's kind of sad that you know non-violence and love and all these different things are available in small sectors on both sides but then there's these huge like oh my gosh and then we're playing the lesser of two evils never that's like saying do you want coke crack or dr pepper you know i remember that rat from a long time ago it's like what are we doing we that that isn't the solution it's if we look at the problems of our society once again this is a different framing okay it's a political solution if we hire the if we get this party in that will be fixed blah blah blah or screw all that crime inflation all these different things are resultant are the result of traumatized adults who were not able to express themselves as children and not paid attention to enough and given that space that co-creative mirror to grow because that's the other thing is like now a lot of parents when Alice Miller was writing this a lot of you know the single motherhood rate has you know is increasing divorces increasing there's more abandonment than ever parents work more parents are on the phone more parents throw their kids on the screen more there's more abandonment than ever so this is going to reflect in a more hostile world as we're going forward and we're starting to see this increase things should be getting better should be getting more peaceful with technology right but why aren't they this is just an interesting viewpoint that you know I say this all the time I'm like it's just bad parenting but this is really expanded my vision I've always kind of known this in the kind of like this frame of it's really just bad parents like there are some bad apples out there but most of the time it's nurture over nature 99% of the time you know sometimes there is then naturally really bad person but I felt like I feel like though in the right community with the right people even the worst most sadistic baby at a genetic level you know just has all the wrong things happening can be nurtured into a loving individual that is at least reasonable enough not to commit physical violence on people you know I like the bare minimum so once again this is the most important thing so many great sages forever have talked about this before we can attack the hate in the world we need to understand the hate in our own heart to understand ourselves because there's so much fake hatred out there that was never their own that it just uses projection Miller states that will love what needs to be loved and hate what needs to be hated because a lot of us don't even hate what needs to be hated we don't even have that capacity we were never given that opportunity to hate to know it and now the kid you know I see kids man who friends kids and stuff or more I would I like to use the word acquaintances like my friend's friend if I'm like hanging out with some friends and they have some they have their friends over for like a party and they have their kids over I'll see their kids maybe interact with them and when I let them be themselves they literally start twitching and they can't handle it like being able to I'm like it's all good like if they look at me because I'd like go crazy like you know I'll start jumping around and going crazy and you know their dad has never even given them pat on the back and seeing a guy do that with long hair and being goofy it gives them the free but then they start questioning it we're the same as adults when we see the freedom in front of us instead of the hate when we we react to it people around us it's like you know it's like when you walk into a bar in rural town everyone looks at you you're like oh my gosh I'm finally doing it and it's the journey man like I just have to say like no matter what you're doing you can do it like you have my support I don't want to say my unconditional support but you have my ear you have my whatever like let me know what's happening like you made it man if you're still here and it's at the very end of the video you made it and and thank you like let me know your story you can send me an email go to my website and hit the email contact button and like if you're made it this far you're in the men's book club whatever just like post your story if you want like say it out loud like it's therapeutic if you've never told people before because that's kind of one of the last things that I want to touch on is that and if you've read this book you'll understand that we may think it only happened to our siblings and we just got the shorter or they got the shorter than the stick but coming to terms with what happened is very hard I've had to do that in my own life with my own childhood of the anger that was put upon me like I have a problem with expressing emotion and you know you may be seeing me like this but I live I'm a very I gravitated to yoga and to martial arts and more like the Bruce Lee Zen style like I remember being in jujitsu competitions and like not showing any like when I'd win a huge match you know a whole tournament bracket 16 man bracket I would purposely just just to be hard you know just to like be intense but it was like why was I doing that because inside I was like yeah yeah let's go I did it and you know at times I would do that but then but you know when I got there were times though I was like remember one time when my parents were there because I just was like there's a lot of stuff that happens you know I mean I haven't really talked about my story very much but it's I mean I basically have I grew up I was not seen for who I needed to be in any capacity you know and I was sent to the public school system where I was bullied beat up I'm verbally abused all to make me tougher all for social ability you know being social I did not receive really any education I did not receive any relationship I didn't you know receive any of those types of education maybe some artist I'm for sure some artistic education for my dad you know a lot of he saw me you know he gave me a lot of like you know movies and books and stuff to like really dive into which we know in a sense helped me you know chart my own path easier but you know didn't get that and then as I go got older you know I had to come to terms with that I had to and I talked about that I went it was like partying and going crazy and like being a ski bum for a couple years and and like failing getting out of school and then suddenly a clip suddenly at right out you know with right after I quit martial arts once that whole cycle was over from 16 to 21 22 suddenly I became the I you know not to you know be grandiose but the intellectual I am today the lover of knowledge a lover of spirituality and I had always loved that stuff but I really took it to the next level I took it to a level where I could be here now like trying to make a life out of this and feel like I have the skills to talk and communicate so if you guys enjoyed this video subscribe to the channel go join the men's book club it's only five dollars a month by the time you hear this whenever you do it will still be going I would love to have your support I would love to have your energy and your comments it is a respectful place it is a place where we have what I am going and everyone else is going to provide the space for you to be you for whatever that is whatever you want to become as long as you're not like a logic troll you know no if I want to be a logic troll that's fine but like I had a little write up about like you know if you're going to be a logic troll don't go all the way like we understand we'll go there with you we understand anyway I will see you guys later this is Ian have a great life have a great life now that you hopefully can become free of all this all this