 The makers of Wrigley Spearman Showing Gum invite you to enjoy life. Life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Psy Howard, and starring that celebrated actor Mr. J. Carol Mash with Alan Reed as the squalor. You know friends, Wrigley Spearman Showing Gum is a typically American product that appeals to people of all ages and nationalities in all parts of our country. And the Wrigley people feel that Life with Luigi is a typically American radio program. A friendly and enjoyable show that sort of symbolizes the American spirit of tolerance and goodwill. So the makers of refreshing, delicious Wrigley Spearman Gum are glad to bring you life with Luigi each week and have you join them in this pleasant half-hours entertain. And now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes about his adventures in America to his mama Vasco in Italy. Dear Mamma Mia, a wonderful thing about America is everybody's got a right to be a millionaire. Of course you know you got a chance, but at least you got a right. The reason you know you got a chance is because taxes is high on the top to help with the man on the bottom. And I'm like that because nobody is more on the bottom than me. But I'm happy to be here in America, even if I'm a no-got-the-money. Because nobody orders me what I should have done, what the job I should have taken, what the business I'm going to go into. Yes, Mamma Mia, I'm going to get the right to become a failure all by myself. But I don't worry about my antique business, Mamma Mia, last week the business was very good. So I'm going to take $20 and open my first checking account. So I'm going to worry about the money, and I'm going to get my health, and I'm going to get to my night school, and I'm going to get to my friends. And you've got to me, little cabbage-puss. Busquely. Yes, that's all right. That's a big... Yeah, but I have Busquely. That's not the nice. You know what you're doing? Reading my private letters over the shoulder when I'm not looking. Sure, little banana nose. Between us two is never should be any secret. So what's yours is mine, and what's mine is yours. Busquely, you really mean this? With all of my heart, Luigi, anything I've got in this world is yours for the ask and give it. Anything? Yes, just to mention her name and you can have it. And, Busquely, I'm a think, I'm a better off if a what's a mine is a mine and what's the yours are you stuck with. Go ahead, talk like a stupid green horn of boob. Hey, you're just a rodeo mama, big ladder, about a millionaires. You think you ever going to make a million dollars with your crazy antique junk shop? Yeah, but, Busquely, that's not so important to me. Look at you. All of your life you're busy saving the money. You'll never go out and you'll never spend it. Sooner you're going to be too old to enjoy your money. And what the good it's done to you, huh? A lot of good. You wouldn't understand that it's a little pumpkin ahead. But there's a big enjoyment in just piling up your money and watching it grow. I'm no like at the brag, but the last five years, if my mattresses have grown three inches at all. Yeah, but I'm still a sapper, Squally. Money ain't the most important thing. No, then what is? Well, well, good health. Yeah, try and get a $5,000 a credit and a pair of rosy cheeks. Yeah, what else? Friends. I know people all their life is spent to get rich and the richer they get the less the friends they got. Oh, Luigi, I got plenty of friends, a good of friends. They're with me all the time. Yeah, who? Georgia Washington, Abraham Lincoln. Georgia what? Yeah, that's my hobby, collected autograph of pictures of my friends. Washington and Lincoln, Thomas and Jefferson, Jefferson and Davis. But, Squally, Jefferson, Davis is a pictures on a confederate bill. I'm saving those two, never know when they're going to be good again. Yeah, but, Squally, I'm got to reel the friends. Reel the friends? Who? Schultz or the delicatessen of man? Yeah, Schultz or the delicatessen of man. What can he do for you? Why, when I say to my friend in Washington, Georgia, go into that store, change yourself up for a hundred pennies, he does it. What can a Schultz do? Nothing, he couldn't even change himself up for a salami. Yeah, but, Squally, my friends do anything for me. Oh, Olsen or Horowitz, they wouldn't lend you the hole in a donut. If you ask Schultz for 50 bucks, he'll make a big joke and he'll say, smile, Luigi, keep a laugh for the like of me. Oh, my rheumatism is a killer. Yeah, but just the same as Squally, you're wrong. If I'm asking my friends for money, they would have given it to me. I'm assured they would have given it to me. Yeah? If they had it. You see, you ain't so sure. All right, I'll tell you what you do. You go to night school now, let me see you come home with a 50 bucks. All right, Squally, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to show you how wrong you are. Good. Listen to that popper squeak. Only don't be disappointed. If I know your friends, they wouldn't lend you a nickel even if you left a dime for security. I wonder what's keeping Miss Balding. No, she's never been late to class. Who cares? The later she comes in, the more time I got to think about I'll abide by why I didn't do my homework. Well, Luigi's smile. So what's the matter, you look so sad? You got some Rosa Trouble with Squally? No, isn't that that? This is something else. Friends, I'm going to get a little favor. I'm going to ask you. Favor? What's this favor, Luigi? Oh, your's name it. $50. Some name. Did you say $50, Luigi? That's a lot of money. A lot. That's enough money to push the country from inflation to explosion. Yeah, but I'm going to need this a $50 very much because I'm a what? I'm sorry, I'm late. So to make up for lost time, we'll do without the roll call and get to work. Couldn't we do without the work and get the roll call? I shall disregard that, Mr. Schultz. Now, class, I asked you to study the chapter in our history books pertaining to the pre-Civil War period. Mr. Horowitz, you may answer the first question. Who was John Brown and what did he do? John Brown. Oh, yes, yes. He got together a bunch of fellows. They made a raid on Harper's Ferry. Good. Mr. Schultz, what was John Brown's reason for raiding Harper's Ferry? They were taking away the business from the Staten Island Ferry. No, no, no. Mr. Olsen, will you tell him? I will be glad to undertake that job. John Brown's purpose was to incite a slave revolt in Virginia. For this act, he was hanged in Charleston on October the 16th, 1850. Stop, Mr. Olsen. Mr. Basko, 1850 what? Huh? A 50 what? 50 dollars. Mr. Basko, we're talking about John Brown. You mean he's going to give me the 50 dollars? No, no, no. John Brown was hanged. If they're going to hang him for that, then I'm going to want the money. I'm going to want the money from a nobody. I'm going to want the necklace from a nobody if he's going to make a trouble. Well, now what can be the cause of this upheaval? Louis, he needs 50 dollars. Well, I can see we might as well take a little time off. All right, Mr. Basko, tell us all about it. Well, you seem asperling as a lack of this. I was talking with a Pasquale about this. Look who's here. Mr. J. P. Rockefeller himself. Hey, Pasquale, Hammer did it just like you said. I'm asking my friends for 50 dollars. And you found out the money don't grow on the trees, eh? Hey, look. Huh? Hey, Luigi, did you rob a bank? No, no, no. Count it, Pasquale. Go on. It has a 50 dollars. Look. Schultz took a 20 from his cash register. Horowitz got a 15 from his wife. Olsen is about a 10 from a friend. And Mrs. Spaulding, she's a gimme five. Looks like the whole United Nations is chipped in. Yes, Mr. Pasquale, I'm going to explain to them what talk we had about the money in a friendship. Well, no wonder. They was making a test case. And that don't count. Sure, they gave you money to show up a Pasquale. But what would have happened if there wasn't a personal interest, like if you broke your leg or something small? No, Pasquale, no, no. Pasquale, give me the money, Justice M. How you like it that? You layin' in bed with a broken leg and they come with the money to pay the hospital. What's the charity case out of you? If you have your own money, you'd be in the Blue Cross, a hospital, a plan, and while you're suffering with a broken leg, you'll be enjoying yourself. You're just mixing things up, Pasquale. Nobody is asking for charity. Friends are glad to help. Anybody is glad to help. People... people inside is all good. Is that so? Well, come on with me. I'm a sick and tired of hearing this Cinderella slops. I'm gonna prove you best a friend is the buck, not the Nelson. All right, where we gonna? Don't ask the questions, your commander. When I get through with this lesson, you're gonna find out that the milk of a human kindness cost a hundred dollars a quart. Pasquale, Pasquale, maybe you explain to me now. Two hours we travel around subway, bus, trolley, everything. We must be far away from home. Very far, Luigi. You recognize a discipline? No, I've got no idea where we are. Good. You see any people walking around, you know? How can I know anybody, Pasquale? I've never been here. Good, good. Now let me have that $50. You beg off your friends. Well, I'd like to hear. Now, what's all about the Pasquale? Got any more money in your pocket? Not the one I sent. That's a nice... Hey, taxi, taxi! Luigi, you say people are nice. They got a good instinct. Money means nothing. Give me the Pasquale. What's the distance I got to do with the... Yeah, mister? Yes. 23 north the whole state is three. The maker is smart. I can't stand without me the clicks. Yeah, and I'm glad you stopped for this funny business. Because now we're going home. Not to you, Luigi. Just to me. What? Once and for all, I'm going to teach you money talks. Let's see how you live all by yourself without the money. Get a going, driver. Home the jibes. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop that. What am I going to be? Who am I? What? Who am I? I'm a lawyer. Shopping or driving your car, chew a stick of delicious wriggly spearmint gum from time to time. The good, smooth chewing gives you lots of satisfaction. It helps relieve pent-up tension so that you naturally feel better and get more enjoyment out of what you're doing. Then, too, the refreshing, long-lasting wriggly spearmint flavor tastes good and freshens your mouth and helps sweeten your breath. So enjoy chewing delicious wriggly spearmint gum often every day. Always keep a package or two handy. Now let's turn to page two of Luigi Vasco's letter to his mother in Italy. And there's some mom and me, Pasquale's left to me all alone in the streets, somewhere in Chicago, without a penny in my pocket. I'm a walk around for an hour of cold and I'm getting scared. I'm a felt just like the day when Uncle Pietro always got mad at his goat and I took him in a woods to lose him. There was a winter so far in the woods if it wasn't for that goat, Uncle Pietro would never find his way home. Anyway, I'm a walk around all around until I'm a see policeman. Excuse me, excuse me, Mr. Policeman. You know where at 21 and not the Holstead Street, they say? North Holstead Street? Isn't that way over on the other end of the town? I don't know. But on one corner is Dugstore, on the other corner is a laundry. But if you use it to laundry, don't let him start the shirt so he's away at the college. You know where I'm supposed to be? North Holstead Street. Mr. you certainly are lost. First bet is to get the J trolley and they'll help you from there on. You have three blocks, turn right and follow your nose. That's no good, and my nose is a loss to two. You're pulling my leg, huh? No, it's not the possible. I'm a guy with my hands in my pocket. All right, all right, just get the J trolley, I'm busy. How much is it cost to J trolley? Well, it's a pleasure. We should have no trouble after you answer. I'm going to want to buy the trolley. I'm just going to want to know the fare. 15 cents, now don't tell me you haven't got it because if you do, I'll run you in for vagrancy. Oh, no, you can't. Look, Fred, I don't know what the gimmick is but why don't you go your way and I'll go mine. All right, all right, I'm going to go. Everybody takes advantage of the poor policeman. Oh, look. Oh, look, a policeman was right. I'm going to turn the corner, follow my nose and there's the J trolley. Oh, look, the people is going in there too. Hey, trolley, trolley. What's the idea of trying to get through without paying your fare? Please, I'm going to try to do nothing wrong. I'm just the one who should have loaned me a ride. Loan your ride? Well, now I've heard everything. No, no, you haven't heard the nothing. I'm not the start of the talk yet. So you want to loan on a ride, huh? You want a 20-year loaner would you rather have easier financing and let the FHA guarantee the payments? No, I'm going to guarantee the payments to myself. Only, please, please, no talk is so loud. Now, look, Buster, I've heard every line but that's it. What do you think I am, a moron? Please, I'm going to care what you are. I'm just the one who got a home. All right, get off the trolley. But I'm just... Get off the trolley. Are we going to start? I don't move until you do. All right, then move it to the rear. No, move off. All right. My mommy, nobody is the one who listened. The Castellamari people just go to the park just to wait until somebody has come along to tell them of their troubles. Here, nobody is the caretaker. And he's getting a call. I know what I'm going to do. Hey, taxi! Taxi! Twenty-one or not the whole of the statistician, please? Not Halstead Street. That's a six-dollar ride, mister. Don't worry. I'm going to get the money with me but I'm going to pay you as soon as we get there. Now, what's the matter? Him is so angry. It can't be possible. He's right. Trouble is everybody. My mommy, what's this? What's this in my pocket? That's my checker book. Sure. No, I'm going to do anything. Yeah, where is this somebody? Hey, hey, mister. Yeah, what do you want? Look, mister, I'm a lost and I'm a left-of-my-money home. Well, go home and get it. Wait, wait. Oh, lady. Yes? Lady, please, I'm going to need a 15-a-censor for the trolley. What? I'm going to beg a lady. I'm going to give you a checker for the money. What? You got a pen I'm going to sign. Oh, this is ridiculous. It's the worst thing of the dick, listen. I'm a cold and I'm hungry. Over there, there's a coffee pot. I'm going in. It's pretty rough outside, huh? Yeah, and it's a rough inner-side. I mean, I'm a stomach. I'm hungry. Well, fine. How about some eggs with Tabasco sauce? Delicious or Western-style with chopped up vegetables and meat or just bacon, ham, sausage with eggs, eggs fried, scrambled, soft boiled, French-fried potatoes and toast. What do you have? Everything. Ha, ha, ha. You're kidding. Ha, ha, ha. I'm a nut. Do you see, mister? I'm a nut eating at the mission early today. Oh. You don't have to worry about the money. I'm going to give you a checker for the whole thing and now. Oh, you don't have to give me your check. It's only 45 cents. But I ain't got a 45 cents. What? I'm going to be a hero again. Look, mister. Hey, what are you, a stiff? Yeah, I'm a stiffer from the cold. Hey, now look, mister, everything is strictly cash here. We don't give eggs on the cuff. But I don't want it in the cuff just to put it on the plate. All right, wise guy, beat it. Yeah, but I'm a no-wiser guy. I'm going to give you a check. We don't take checks. We don't trust. Everything is strictly cash. If you ain't got it, good night. Good night. What's so good about it? Mama mia. It's 11 o'clock. Well, at this time, I'm not going to fool around. Huh, mister? Yeah? Hey, listen. I'm going to get the no money. I'm going to get the no check. Some of them are going to get the nothing. I need a 15 cents. Yes or no? I need it. Look, mister, I'm going to want to take advantage of nobody. Yeah, yeah, what kind of talk is that? Stand up straight. Huh? You don't look like a bum. Don't worry. You don't have to beg from anybody. Help yourself. Get wise. Be positive. Get the wise of what? Be positive. The positive? You heard me. If you're negative, you get no place. Be positive. Be like me. Positive. Mama mia, it's so cold I can't even a snap of the fingers. Well, stop sniveling and start taking advantage for a change. Don't ask for handouts. Get out and hustle. You've got to learn to accumulate some scratch yourself. Understand? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I'm understanding. Positive? Positive. That's it. So long. So long. Positive. The only thing I'm a positive is I've got no money. Yeah, but the man is right. I shouldn't have feel sorry for myself. Hey, y'all. Get your morning paper. Paper, mister? No, no. I'm a no-getter. Wait a minute, mister. You got a lot of papers, huh? Well, I don't think I'll get rid of half of them. Here, here, here. That's no way to talk to you. You've got to be positive. Here, give me half of the papers. I'm selling for you. How much am I going to get? Well, I'll give you four cents for each one. Hey, you want to up and up? I'm a feeling more like it down and down. No, that's not right. Sure, I'm money the up and up. All right, grab this bundle. Okay? Okay, okay. I mean okay. Now you work that side of the street. Yell out the headlines and shake a leg. All right, I'm going to shake two legs. La la la, got to your peppers. That's it. Howdy-woody-woody-weed-она extract! What do you want to do with a wereita extract? All right, accent! Hey, I got a boy. Come on, mom, let me learn just a language. Get to your pepper as soon as possible. How do you want to do with a wereita extract? How do you want to do with a wereita extract? What's the matter? I sold out and you got all your papers left. Should I get an honest stack of where you get them from, huh? What? Yeah, using my owner money too. And here's yours. And oh yeah, if you make a six cents a paper, give it to somebody else a four cents, so remember. What do what do what do what do the next to that? What do we do with the paper? How do you like that? I just break them into the business and already he's taking over the company. What do the papers say? How do what do what do the next to that? How do what do the next to that? Fifty people are killing the crash here. Young man, I just bought this paper and that headline isn't even in it. Huh. Well all right, I'll buy another one and maybe you'll find that they're dead. Well... How do what do what do what do the next to that? No water declared. Anything you want to declare? All right. Why do you got nickels for a cup of coffee? Huh? What a short head. Isn't it, girl? A stronger man like you begging her for money. Here, come on, I'll take you some of these peppers in the water. Work! Sure, a bit positive. Every pepper you sell, you get a three cents. What? Sure, that's the spirit. Here, come on. What do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what do what in the morning. Who knows where Luigi could be at this hour? Oscar Lee. You are just a genuine 14-carat yurt. Yeah. This you call being a friend. To torture him, tease him, take him 30 miles away like a stray cat you're trying to lose. Oscar Lee, if Luigi comes back with double pneumonia, we're going to make you take half. Please, Mr. Delicatessen, a man, don't scream out of me. My conscience is a-killing me. Honest, I didn't mean to no harm. I just wanted to teach him that money don't grow on the trees. No? Then how come my bank has got 12 branches? Schultz, Schultz, how can you joke at a time like this? We got to organize a searching party. Oh, searching a party for Luigi? Yeah. Oh, I wouldn't give anything if I see that little banana nose alive. All right, Pascuali, I'm going to see if you really mean it. I know a good detective. Now, give me $100 and we've got to get him to find Luigi dead or alive. Dead or alive? Yeah. All right. All right. Here, Schultz, here. Don't have to ask twice. Here's your money. All right. Now, we're going to call our detective. Look out the window. A taxi is driving up in front of the store. Sean, look who is getting out. It's Luigi. Look at that big cigar here, Schmolding. Hello, fellas. How are you? What's the new? Luigi. Oh, Luigi, come here. I could have kissed you. Get away, Bobby. You bother me. What do you say? Hey, Luigi, where do you get that expensive look on cigars? I don't know, the friend, anybody who's willing to check his two legs is nowhere to scratch. Here, here. Don't be negative. Hustle up with the positive. He must be suffering from shock. Luigi, what's happened to you? You're a change. You're a change. That's right. You said it. I'm going to learn a very big lesson, Pascuali. Like you say, money talks. If you try to be nice, you get in no place. You got to be tough and hard. So ask me, from now on, fellas, shake your hands with the little Luigi. Here, here. I'm sorry for what I did, Luigi. If I make this a change in you, I'd do anything to change you back. Huh? Yes, I'm all wrong, and not you. I missed the old Luigi. Oh, you did, huh? Yeah, me too, Luigi. I like you better than you have. A little for shimmery. This new way doesn't suit you, Luigi. I don't like it, Luigi. Oh, you don't like it, uh-huh? No. Honey, you know something? I'm ahead of myself. I don't like it either. And this is a guy that's making me sick. That's the boy that's making me sick. You know, I just don't want to be me. I can't be harder, and I don't want to be. I don't care how rich he's making me. Come on, we all are celebrating with someone. Yeah, sure. Sure, sir. If you don't mind, I'd like my hundred dollars back. Uh-huh. But, Shrally, you say money talks. So what? So listen to your hundred dollars. They tell that goodbye to you. Here, Luigi. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's thanks, Mr. Scali. Here. It's for you. Maybe you learned your lesson today. And you learned my lesson, too. Friends. They're much better than the money. You know, so mama mia, don't worry. I'm a no-changer, except in a one-a-thing. Negative and a positive. When a Pasquale was asking me again to marry Rosa, I said, no, that's a negative. And when a hizzer asked me if I'm a shura, I said, sure, I'm a shura. That's a positive. And also about those two words. Even if sometimes I'm feeling lonesome, those two words, negative and a positive. Even if sometimes I don't think everything is going good, I know that if it's a negative or a positive, there's no place I'm going to feel that way than in this big, beautiful country I'm found in America. And with that, I'm a positive. You're loving the son of Luigi Bosco, the immigrant. I hope you've enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they want to remind you of good, but also good for you. Dom is an easy way to help keep your alsoades digestion. Every time you chew a stick of well-tasting wriggly spearmint, you get enjoyment plus the benefits of the chewing action. So remember to chew a few sticks of delicious wriggly spearmint gum every day. It costs so little, tastes so good. Get some wriggly spearmint chewing gum for yourself and your family next time you go to the store. Ladies and gentlemen, you can see your Life with Luigi favorites in the new issue of Look Magazine, now on sale at your newsstands. Look takes you inside Luigi's antique shop and introduces you to Psy Howard, creator-producer of Life with Luigi, J. Carol Nash, its star, and other personalities who make CBS's Life with Luigi show sponsored by the Wrigley people possible. See the Life with Luigi story in the new Look Magazine. The makers of Wrigley spearmint chewing gum invite you to listen next week at the same time when Luigi Vasco writes another letter to his mama Vasco in Italy. Life with Luigi is a Psy Howard production and is directed by Mr. Howard. MacFenoff writes the script with Lou Derman, J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Vasco with Alan Reed as the squad. This is CBS The Columbia Broadcasting System.