 Section 1 of A Sentimental Journey through France and Italy. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Martin Giesen. A Sentimental Journey through France and Italy. Lawrence Stern. Section 1 They order, said I, this matter better in France. You have been in France, said my gentleman, turning quick upon me, with the most civil triumph in the world. Strange, quote I, debating the matter with myself, that one and twenty miles sailing, thought is absolutely no further from Dover to Calais, should give a man these rights. Hmm, I'll look into them. So, giving up the argument, I went straight to my lodgings, put up half a dozen shirts and a black pair of silk britches. The coat I have on, said I, looking at the sleeve, will do. Took a place in the Dover stage, and the packet sailing at nine the next morning, by three I had got sat down to my dinner upon a fricasseed chicken, so incontestably in France, that had I died that night of indigestion, the whole world could not have suspended the effects of the Droit d'Aubaine. My shirts and black pair of silk britches, portmanteau and all, must have gone to the King of France. Even the little picture which I have so long worn, and so often have told the Eliza, I would carry with me into my grave, would have been torn from my neck. Hmm, I'm generous to seize upon the wreck of an unwary passenger, whom your subjects had beckoned to their coast. By heaven, Sire, it is not well done, and much does it grieve me. It is the monarch of a people so civilised and courteous, and so renowned for sentiment and fine feelings that I have to reason with. But I have scarce set of thought in your dominions. Calle, when I had finished my dinner, and drank the King of France's health, to satisfy my mind that I bore him no spleen, but on the contrary, high honour for the humanity of his temper, I rose up an inch taller for the accommodation. No, said I, the bore-boys by no means a cruel race. They may be misled like other people, but there is a mildness in their blood. As I acknowledged this, I felt a suffusion of a finer kind upon my cheek. More warm and friendly to man than what burgundy, at least of two levers of bottle which was such as I had been drinking, could have produced. Just God, said I, kicking my portmanteau aside, what is there in this world's goods which should sharpen our spirits, and make so many kind-hearted brethren of us fall out so cruelly as we do by the way. When man is at peace with man, how much lighter than a feather is the heaviest of metals in his hand. He pulls out his purse, and holding it airily and uncompressed, looks round him as if he sought for an object to share it with. In doing this I felt every vessel in my frame dilate. The arteries beat all cheerily together, and every power which sustained life performed it with so little friction that would have confounded the most physical presieurs in France. With all her materialism she could scarce have called me a machine. I'm confident, said I to myself, I should have overset her creed. The accession of that idea carried nature at that time as high as she could go. I was at peace with the world before, and this finished the treaty with myself. Now was I king of France, cried I. What a moment for an orphan to have begged his father's portmanteau of me! I had scarce uttered the words when a poor monk of the order of Saint Francis came into the room to beg something for his convent. No man cares to have his virtues the sport of contingencies, or one man may be generous as another is puissant. Said known quo ad hoc, or be that as it may, for there is no regular reasoning upon the ebbs and flows of our humours. They may depend upon the same causes for all to I know which influence the tides themselves. It would oft be no discredit to us to suppose it was so. I'm sure at least for myself that in many a case I should be more highly satisfied to have it said by the world I had had an affair with the moon in which there was neither sin nor shame. Then have it passed altogether as my own act and deed wherein there was so much of both. But be this as it may, the moment I cast my eyes upon him I was predetermined not to give him a single sue, and accordingly I put my purse into my pocket, buttoned it, set myself a little more upon my centre, and advanced up gravely to him. There was something I fear forbidding in my look. I have his figure this moment before my eyes, and think there was that in it which deserved better. The monk, as I judged by the break in his tonsure, a few scattered white hairs upon his temples, being all that remained of it, might be about seventy. But from his eyes, and that sort of fire which was in them which seemed more tempered by courtesy than years, could be no more than sixty. Truth might lie between. He was certainly sixty-five, and the general air of his countenance, notwithstanding something seemed to have been planting wrinkles in it before their time, agreed to the account. It was one of those heads which Guido has often painted, mild, pale, penetrating, free from all commonplace ideas of fat, contented ignorance, looking downwards upon the earth. It looked forwards, but looked as if it looked at something beyond this world. How one of his order came by it, heaven above, who let it fall upon a monk's shoulder's best nose, but it would have suited a Brahmin, and had I met it upon the plains of Indostan I had reverenced it. The rest of his outline may be given in a few strokes. One might put it into the hands of any one to design, for it was neither elegant nor otherwise, but as character and expression made it so. It was a thin, spare form, something above the common size, if it lost not the distinction by a bend forward in the figure, but it was the attitude of entreaty. And as it now stands presented to my imagination, it gained more than it lost by it. When he had entered the room three paces he stood still, and laying his left hand upon his breast, a slender white staff with which he journeyed being in his right, when I had got close up to him he introduced himself with the little story of the wants of his convent and the poverty of his order, and did it with so simple a grace, and such an air of deprecation was there in the whole cast of his look and figure. I was bewitched not to have been struck with it. A better reason was I had predetermined not to give him a single sue. The monk Calle Tis very true, said I, replying to a cast upwards with his eyes, with which he had concluded his address. Tis very true, and heaven be their resource, who have no other but the charity of the world, the stock of which I fear is no way sufficient for the many great claims which are hourly made upon it. As I pronounced the words great claims, he gave a slight glance with his eyes downwards upon the sleeve of his tunic. I felt the full force of the appeal. I acknowledge it, said I, a coarse habit and that but once in three years with meek a diet on no great matters, and the true point of pity is that they can be earned in the world with so little industry that your order should wish to procure them by pressing upon a fund which is the property of the lame, the blind, the aged and the infirm. The captive who lies down counting over and over again the days of his afflictions languishes also for his share of it. And had you been of the order of mercy instead of the order of St. Francis, poor as I am, continued I, pointing at my portmanteau, full carefully should it have been open to you for the ransom of the unfortunate. The monk made me a bow. But of all others, resumed I, the unfortunate of our own country surely have the first rights, and I have left thousands in distress upon our own shore. The monk gave a cordial wave with his head as much as to say, no doubt there is misery enough in every corner of the world as well as within our convent. But we distinguish, said I, laying thy hand upon the sleeve of his tunic in return for his appeal, we distinguish my good father, betwixt those who wish only to eat the bread of their own labour, and those who eat the bread of other peoples, and have no other plan in life but to get through it in sloth and ignorance, for the love of God. The poor Franciscan made no reply. A hectic of a moment passed across his cheek but could not tarry. Nature seemed to have done with her resentment in him. He showed none. But letting his staff fall within his arms he pressed both his hands with resignation upon his breast and retired. The monk, Calle, my heart smote me the moment he shut the door. Proth, said I, with an air of carelessness three several times, but it would not do. Every ungracious syllable I had uttered crowded back into my imagination. I reflected I had no right over the poor Franciscan but to deny him and that the punishment of that was enough to the disappointed without the addition of unkind language. I considered his grey hairs. His courteous figure seemed to re-enter and gently ask me what injury he had done me and why I could use him thus. I would have given twenty levers for an advocate. I have behaved very ill, said I within myself, but I have only just set out upon my travels and shall learn better manners as I get along. The disobligion, Calle. When a man is discontented with himself it has one advantage, however, that it puts him into an excellent frame of mind for making a bargain. Now there being no travelling through France and Italy without assays and nature generally prompting us to the thing we are fittest for I walked out into the coat yard to buy or hire something of that kind to my purpose. An old disobligion in the furthest corner of the court hit my fancy at first sight. So I instantly got into it and finding it intolerable harmony with my feelings I ordered the waiter to call Monsieur de Saint the master of the hotel. But Monsieur de Saint being gone to Vespers and not caring to face the Franciscan whom I saw on the opposite side of the court in conference with a lady just arrived at the inn I drew the taffeta curtain betwixt us and being determined to write my journey I took out my pen and ink and wrote the preface to it in the desobligions. End of Section 1 Recording by Martin Giesen in Hazelmeyer Surrey Section 2 of A Sentimental Journey Through France and Italy This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Recording by Martin Giesen A Sentimental Journey Through France and Italy By Laurence Stern Section 2 Preface in the desobligions It must have been observed by many a peripatetic philosopher that nature has set up by her own unquestionable authority certain boundaries and fences to circumscribe the discontent of man. She has effected her purpose in the quietest and easiest manner by laying him under almost insuperable obligations to work out his ease and to sustain his sufferings at home. It is there only that she has provided him with the most suitable objects to partake of his happiness and bear a part of that burden which in all countries and ages has ever been too heavy for one pair of shoulders. It is true we are endued with an imperfect power of spreading our happiness sometimes beyond her limits, but it is so ordered that from the want of languages, connections and dependencies and from the difference in education, customs and habits we lie under so many impediments in communicating our sensations out of our own sphere as often amount to a total impossibility. It will always follow from hence that the balance of sentimental commerce is always against the expatriated adventurer. He must buy what he has little occasion for at their own price. His conversation will seldom be taken in exchange for theirs without a large discount and this by the buy eternally driving him into the hands of more equitable brokers for such conversation as he can find it requires no great spirit of divination to guess at his party. This brings me to my point and naturally leads me if the seesaw of this days oblige will but let me get on into the efficient as well as final causes of travelling. Your idle people that leave their native country and go abroad for some reason or reasons which may be derived from one of these general causes infirmity of body imbecility of mind or inevitable necessity the first two include all those who travel by land or by water laboring with pride, curiosity vanity or spleen subdivided and combined ad infinitum the third class includes the whole army of Peregrine martyrs more especially those travellers who set out upon their travels with the benefit of the clergy either as delinquents travelling under the direction of governors recommended by the magistrate or young gentleman transported by the cruelty of parents and guardians and travelling under the direction of governors recommended by Oxford Aberdeen and Glasgow there is a fourth class but their number is so small that they would not deserve a distinction were it not necessary in a work of this nature to observe the greatest precision and nicity to avoid a confusion of character and these men I speak of are such as cross the seas and sojourn in a land of strangers with a view of saving money for various reasons and upon various pretenses but as they might also save themselves and others a great deal of unnecessary trouble saving their money at home and as their reasons for travelling are the least complex of any other species of emigrants I shall distinguish these gentlemen by the name of simple travellers thus the whole circle of travellers may be reduced to the following heads idle travellers inquisitive travellers lying travellers proud travellers vain travellers splenetic travellers then follow the travellers of necessity the delinquent and felonious traveller the unfortunate and innocent traveller the simple traveller and last of all if you please the sentimental traveller meaning thereby myself who have travelled and of which I am now sitting down to give an account as much out of necessity and the besoin de voyager as anyone in the class I am well aware at the same time as both my travels and observations will be altogether of a different cast from any of my forerunners that I might have insisted upon a whole niche entirely to myself but I should break in upon the confines of the vain traveller in wishing to draw attention towards me till I have some better grounds for it than the mere novelty of my vehicle it is sufficient for my reader if he has been a traveller himself with study and reflection hereupon he may be able to determine his own place and rank in the catalogue it will be one step towards knowing himself as it is great odds but he retains some tincture and resemblance of what he imbibed or carried out to the present hour the man who first transplanted the grape of Burgundy the Cape of Good Hope absurd, he was a Dutchman never dreamt of drinking the same wine at the Cape that the same grape produced upon the French mountains he was too flechmatic for that but undoubtedly he expected to drink some sort of thynus liquor but whether good or bad or indifferent he knew enough of this world to know that it did not depend upon his choice but that what is generally called choice was to decide his success however, he hoped for the best and in these hopes by an intemperate confidence in the fortitude of his head and the depths of his discretion Minere might possibly oversee both in his new vineyard and by discovering his nakedness become a laughing stock to his people even so it fares with the poor traveller sailing and posting through the polite kingdoms of the globe in pursuit of knowledge and improvements knowledge and improvements are to be got by sailing and posting for that purpose but whether useful knowledge and real improvements is all a lottery and even where the adventurer is successful the acquired stock must be used with caution and sobriety to turn to any profit but as the chances run prodigiously the other way both as to the acquisition and application I am of opinion that a man would act as wisely if he could prevail upon himself to live contented without foreign knowledge or foreign improvements especially if he lives in a country that has no absolute want of either and indeed much grief of heart has it off and many a time cost me when I have observed how many a foul step the inquisitive traveller has measured to see sights and look into discoveries all which as Sancho Pantha said to Don Quixote they might have seen dry shard at home it is an age so full of light that there is scarce a country or corner in Europe whose beams are not crossed and interchanged with others knowledge in most of its branches and in most affairs is like music in an Italian street whereof those may partake who pay nothing but there is no nation under heaven and God is my record before whose tribunal I must one day come and give an account of this work that I do not speak it vortingly but there is no nation under heaven abounding with more variety of learning where the sciences may be more fitly wooed or more surely won than here where art is encouraged and will so soon rise high where nature take her altogether has so little to answer for and to close all where there is more wit and variety of character to feed the mind with where then my dear countrymen are you going we are only looking at the shears said they your most obedient servant said I skipping out of it and pulling off my hat we were wondering I said one of them who I found was an inquisitive traveller what could occasion its motion was the agitation said I coolly of writing a preface I never heard said the other who was a simple traveller of a preface wrote in a des obligeant it would have been better said I in a vis-à-vis as an Englishman does not travel to see English men I retired to my room end of section two recording by Martin Giesen in Hazelmere Surrey sections three of a sentimental journey through France and Italy this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by Martin Giesen a sentimental journey through France and Italy by Lawrence Stern sections three Calais I perceived that something darkened the passage more than myself as I stepped along it to my room it was effectually Monsieur Dessin the master of the hotel who had just returned from Vespers and with his hat under his arm was most complacently following me to put me in mind of my wants I had wrote myself pretty well out of conceit with des obligeants and Monsieur Dessin speaking of it with a shrug it would no way suit me it immediately struck my fancy that it belonged to some innocent traveller who on his return home had left it to Monsieur Dessin's honour to make the most of four months had elapsed since it had finished its career of Europe in the corner of Monsieur Dessin's coachyard and having saled out from then Sputter vamped up business at the first though it had been twice taken to pieces on Mount Sennis it had not profited much by its adventures but by none so little as the standing so many months unpitted in the corner of Monsieur Dessin's coachyard much indeed was not to be said for it but something might and when a few words will rescue misery out of her distress I hate the man who can be a charl of them now was I the master of this hotel said I laying the point of my forefinger on Monsieur Dessin's breast I would inevitably make a point of getting rid of this unfortunate des obligeants it stands swinging reproaches at you every time you pass by it Maudure said Monsieur Dessin I have no interest except the interest said I which men of a certain turn of mind take Monsieur Dessin in their own sensations I'm persuaded to a man who feels for others as well as for himself every rainy night disguise it as you will must cast a damp upon your spirits you suffer Monsieur Dessin as much as the machine I have always observed when there is as much sour as sweet in a compliment that an Englishman is eternally at a loss within himself whether to take it or let it alone a Frenchman never is Monsieur Dessin made me a bow C'est bien vrai said he but in this case I should only exchange one disquietude for another and with loss figure to yourself my dear sir that in giving you a she's which would fall to pieces before you had got half way to Paris figure to yourself how much I should suffer in giving an ill impression of myself to a man of honour and lying at the merci as I must do denom d'esprit the dose was made up exactly after my own prescription so I could not help tasting it and returning Monsieur Dessin his bow without more casuistry we walked together towards his Ramise to take a view of his magazine of she's in the street Calais it must needs be a hostile kind of a world when the buyer if it be but of a sorry post she's cannot go forth with the seller thereof into the street to terminate the difference between them but he instantly falls into the same frame of mind and views his conventionist with the same sort of I as if he was going along with him to hide park corner to fight a duel for my own part being but a poor swordsman and no way a match from Monsieur Dessin I felt the rotation of all the movements within me to which the situation is incident I looked at Monsieur Dessin through and through I'd him as he walked along in profile then on fast thought him like a Jew then a Turk disliked his wig cursed him by my gods wished him at the devil and is all this to be lighted up in the heart for a beggarly a count of three or four Louis Dark which is the most I can be overreached in base passion said I turning myself about as a man naturally does upon a sudden reverse of sentiment base un-gentle passion by hand is against every man and every man's hand is against thee heaven forbid said she raising her hand up to her forehead for I had turned full in front upon the lady whom I had seen in conference with the monk she had followed us unperceived heaven forbid indeed said I offering her my own she had a black pair of silk gloves open only at the thumb and two four fingers so accepted it without reserve and I let her up to the door of the Hermes Monsieur de Saint had Diablet the key above fifty times before he had found out he had come with a wrong one in his hand we were as impatient as himself to have it opened and so attentive to the obstacle that I continued holding her hand almost without knowing it so that Monsieur de Saint left us together with her hand in mine and with our faces turned towards the door of the Hermes and said he would be back in five minutes now a colloquy of five minutes in such a situation is worth one of as many ages with your faces turned towards the street in the latter case it is drawn from the objects and occurrences without when your eyes are fixed upon a dead blank you draw purely from yourselves the silence of a single moment upon Monsieur de Saint leaving us had been fatal to the situation she had infallibly turned about so I began the conversation instantly but what were the temptations? as I write not to apologize for the weaknesses of my heart in this tour but to give an account of them shall be described with the same simplicity with which I felt them the Hermes door, Calais when I told the reader that I did not care to get out of the des obligeants because I saw the monk in close conference with a lady just arrived at the inn I told him the truth but I did not tell him the whole truth for I was as full as much restrained by the appearance and figure of the lady he was talking to suspicion crossed my brain and said he was telling her what had passed something jarred upon it within me I wished him at his convent when the heart flies out before the understanding it saves the judgment a world of pains I was certain she was of a better order of beings however I thought no more of her but went on and wrote my preface the impression returned upon my encounter with her in the street her guarded frankness with which she gave me her hand showed I thought her good education and her good sense and as I led her on I felt a pleasurable ductility about her which spread a calmness over all my spirits could God how a man might lead such a creature as this round the world with him I had not yet seen her face it was not material for the drawing was instantly set about and long before we had got to the door of the remise fancy had finished the whole head and pleased herself as much with its fitting her goddess as if she had dived into the tiber for it but thou art a seduced and a seducing slut and albeit thou cheatest us seven times a day with thy pictures and images yet with so many charms dost thou do it and thou decest out thy pictures in the shapes of so many angels of light it is a shame to break with thee when we had got to the door of the remise she withdrew her hand from across her forehead and let me see the original it was a face of about six and twenty of a clear transparent brown simply set off without rouge or powder it was not critically handsome but there was that in it which in the frame of mind I was in attached me much more to it it was interesting I fancied it wore the characters of a widowed look and in that state of its declension which had passed the two first paroxysms of sorrow and was quietly beginning to reconcile itself to its loss but a thousand other distresses might have traced the same lines I wished to know what they had been and was ready to inquire had the same bonton of conversation permitted as in the days of the aizdras what aileth thee and why art thou disquieted and why is thy understanding troubled in a word I felt benevolence for her and resolved some way or other to throw in my might of courtesy if not of service such were my temptations and in this disposition to give way to them was I left alone with the lady with her hand in mine and with our faces both turned closer to the door of the remise than what was absolutely necessary End of Section 3 Recording by Martin Giesen in Hazelmere Surrey Section 4 of A Sentimental Journey Through France and Italy This LibriVox recording is in the public domain Recording by Martin Giesen A Sentimental Journey Through France and Italy by Lawrence Stern Section 4 The Remise Door Calle This certainly fair lady said I raising her hand up a little lightly as I began must be one of fortune's whimsical doings to take two utter strangers by their hands of two different sexes and perhaps from different corners of the globe and in one moment place them together in such a cordial situation as friendship herself could scarce have achieved for them had she projected it for a month and your reflection upon it shows how much, monsieur she has embarrassed you by the adventure when the situation is what we would wish nothing is so ill-timed as to hint at the circumstances which make it so you thank fortune continued she you had reason the heart knew it and was satisfied and who but an English philosopher would have sent notice of it to the brain to reverse the judgment in saying this she disengaged her hand with a look which I thought a sufficient commentary upon the text it is a miserable picture which I am going to give of the weakness of my heart by owning that it suffered a pain which worthier occasions could not have inflicted I was mortified with the loss of her hand and the manner in which I had lost it carried neither oil nor wine to the wound I never felt the pain of a sheepish inferiority so miserably in my life the triumphs of a true feminine heart are short upon these discomfortures in a very few seconds she laid her hand upon the cuff of my coat in order to finish her reply so some way or other God knows how I regained my situation she had nothing to add I forthwith began to model a different conversation for the lady thinking from the spirit as well as the moral of this that I had been mistaken in her character but upon turning her face towards me the spirit which had animated the reply was fled the muscles relaxed and I beheld the same unprotected look of distress which first won me to her interest melancholy to see such sprightliness the prey of sorrow I pitted her from my soul and though it may seem ridiculous enough to a torpid heart I could have taken her into my arms and cherished her though it was in the open street without blushing the pulsations of the arteries along my fingers pressing across hers told her what was passing within me I looked down silence of some moments followed I fear in this interval I must have made some slight efforts towards a closer compression of her hand from a subtle sensation I felt in the palm of my own not as if she was going to withdraw hers but as if she thought about it had infallibly lost it a second time had not instinct more than reason directed me to the last resource in these dangers to hold it loosely and in a manner as if I was every moment going to release it of myself so she let it continue till Monsieur Dessin returned with the key and in the meantime I set myself to consider how I should undo the ill impressions which the poor monk's story in case he had told it her must have planted in her breast against me the snuffbox, Hallé the good old monk was within six paces of us as the idea of him crossed my mind and was advancing towards us a little out of the line as if uncertain whether he should break in upon us or no he stopped however as soon as he came up to us with a world of frankness and having a horn snuffbox in his hand he presented it open to me you shall taste mine, said I, pulling out my box which was a small tortoise one and putting it into his hand it is most excellent, said the monk then do me the favour, I replied, to accept of the box and all and when you take a pinch out of it sometimes recollect it was the peace offering of a man who once used you unkindly but not from his heart the poor monk blushed as red as scarlet Mondeur, said he pressing his hands together, you never used me unkindly I should think, said the lady, he is not likely I blushed in my turn but from what movements I leave the few who feel to analyse excuse me, madame, replied I, I treated him most unkindly and from no provocations it is impossible, said the lady my God! cried the monk with a warmth of a separation which seemed not to belong to him the fault was in me and in the indiscretion of my zeal the lady opposed it and I joined with her in maintaining it was impossible that a spirit so regulated as his could give offence to any I knew not that contention could be rendered so sweet and pleasurable a thing to the nerves as I then felt it we remained silent without any sensation of that foolish pain which takes place when in such a circle you look for ten minutes in one another's faces without saying a word whilst this lasted the monk rubbed his horn box upon the sleeve of his tunic and as soon as it had acquired a little air of brightness by the friction he made me a low bow and said it was too late to say whether it was the weakness or goodness of our tempers which had involved us in this contest but be it as it would he begged we might exchange boxes in saying this he presented his to me with one hand as he took mine from me and the other and having kissed it with a stream of good nature in his eyes he put it into his bosom and took his leave I guard this box as I walked the instrumental parts of my religion to help my mind onto something better in truth I seldom go abroad without it and often many a time have I called up by it the courteous spirit of its owner to regulate my own in the jostlings of the world they had found full employment for his as I learnt from his story till about the 45th year of his age when upon some military services ill-requited and meeting at the same time with a disappointment in the tenderest of passions he abandoned the sword and the sex together and took sanctuary not so much in his convent as in himself I feel a damp upon my spirits as I am going to add that in my last return through Calais upon inquiring after Father Lorenzo I heard he had been dead near three months and was buried not in his convent but according to his desire in a little cemetery belonging to it about two leagues off I had a strong desire to see where they had laid him when upon pulling out his little horn box as I sat by his grave and plucking up a nettle or two at the head of it which had no business to grow there they all struck together so forcibly upon my affections that I burst into a flood of tears but I am as weak as a woman and I beg the world not to smile but to pity me the remise door Calais I had never quitted the lady's hand all this time and had held it so long that it would have been indecent to have let it go without first pressing it to my lips the blood and spirits which had suffered a revulsion from her crowded back to her as I did it now the two travellers who had spoke to me in the coat-chart happening at that crisis to be passing by and observing our communications naturally took it into their heads that we must be man and wife at least so stopping as soon as they came up to the door of the remise the one of them who was the inquisitive traveller asked us if we set out for Paris the next morning I could only answer for myself I said and the lady added she was for Amiens we dined there yesterday said the simple traveller you go directly through the town added the other in your road to Paris I was going to return a thousand thanks for the intelligence that Amiens was in the road to Paris but upon pulling out my poor monk's little horn box to take a pinch of snuff I made them a quiet bow and wishing them a good passage to Dover they left us alone now where would be the harm said I to myself if I were to beg of this distressed lady to accept of half of my shares and what mighty mischief could ensue every dirty passion and bad propensity in my nature took the alarm as I stated the proposition it will oblite you to have a third horse said avarice which will put twenty levers out of your pocket you know not what she is said caution or what scrapes the affair may draw you into whispered cowardice depend upon it Yorick said discretion it will be said you went off with a mistress and came by asignation to Calais for that purpose you can never after cried hypocrisy allowed show your face in the world or rise quotes meanness in the church or be anything in it said pride but allows a prebundary but it is a civil thing said I and as I generally act from the first impulse and therefore seldom listen to these cabals which serve no purpose that I know of but to encompass the heart with adamant I turned instantly about to the lady but she had glided off unperceived as the cause was pleading and had made ten or a dozen paces down the street by the time I had made the determination so I set off after her with a long stride to make her the proposal with the best address I was master of but observing she walked with her cheek half resting upon the palm of her hand with the slow short measured step of thoughtfulness and with her eyes as she went step by step fixed upon the ground it struck me she was trying the same cause herself God help her said I she has some mother-in-law or tattoo fish aunt or nonsensical old woman to consult upon the occasion as well as myself so not caring to interrupt the process and deeming it more gallant to take her at discretion rather than by surprise I faced about and took a short turn or two before the door of the remise whilst she walked musing on one side end of section four recording by Martin Giesen in Hazelmere Surrey section five of a sentimental journey through France and Italy this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by Martin Giesen a sentimental journey through France and Italy by Lawrence Stern section five in the street Calais having on the first sight of the lady settled the affair in my fancy that she was of the better order of beings and then laid it down as a second axiom as indisputable as the first that she was a widow and wore a character of distress I went no farther I got ground enough for the situation which pleased me and had she remained close beside my elbow till midnight I should have held true to my system and considered her only under that general idea she had scarce got twenty paces distant from me as something within me called out for a more particular inquiry it brought on the idea of a further separation I might possibly never see her more the heart is for saving what it can and I wanted the traces through which my wishes might find their way to her in case I should never rejoin her myself in a word I wished to know her name her families her condition and as I knew the place to which she was going I wanted to know from whence she came but there was no coming at all this intelligence a hundred little delicacies stood in the way I formed a score different plans there was no such thing as a man's asking her directly the thing was impossible a little French debonair captain who came dancing down the street showed me it was the easiest thing in the world for popping in betwixt us just as the lady was returning back to the door of the Hermes he introduced himself to my acquaintance and before he had well got announced I would do him the honor to present him to the lady I had not been presented myself so turning about to her he did it just as well by asking her if she had come from Paris no she was going that route she said vous n'êtes pas de Londres she was not she replied then madame must have come through Flanders apparemment vous êtes flamande said the French captain the lady answered she was peut-être de l'île added he she said she was not of l'île no aura no camp ray no gone no Brussels she answered she was of Brussels he had had the honor he said to be at the bombardment of its last war that it was finally situated and full of no bless when the imperialists were driven out by the French the lady made a slight courtesy so giving her an account of the affair and of the share he had had in it he begged the honor to know her name so made his bow he madame a summary said he looking back when he had made two steps and without staying for an answer danced down the street had I served seven years apprenticeship to good breeding I could not have done as much the remise Calais as the little French captain left us Monsieur de Sain came up with the key of the remise in his hand and forthwith letters into his magazine of chases the first object which caught my eye as Monsieur de Sain opened the door of the remise was another old tattered disobligion and not withstanding it was the exact picture of that which had hit my fancy so much in the coat-chart but an hour before the very sight of it stirred up a disagreeable sensation within me now and I thought was a childish beast into whose heart the idea could first enter to construct such a machine nor had I much more charity for the man who could think of using it I observed the lady was as little taken with it as myself so Monsieur de Sain led us on to a couple of chases which stood abreast telling us as he recommended them that they had been purchased by my Lord A and B to go the grand tour but had gone no further than Paris so were in all respects as good as new they were too good so I passed on to a third which stood behind and forthwith begun to chaffer for the price but twill scarce hold too said I opening the door and getting in of the goodness madame said Monsieur de Sain offering his arm to step in the lady hesitated half a second and stepped in and the waiter that moment beckoning to speak to Monsieur de Sain he shut the door of the chaise upon us and left us de remise calais c'est bien comique t'es very drole said the lady smiling from the reflection that this was the second time we had been left together by a parcel of nonsensical contingencies c'est bien comique said she there once nothing said I to make it so but the comic use which the gallantry of a Frenchman would put it to to make love the first moment and an offer of his person the second t'es therefore replied the lady it is supposed so at least and how it has come to pass continued I I know not but they have certainly got the credit of understanding more of love and making it better than any other nation upon earth but for my own part I think them aren't bunglers and in truth the worst set of marksmen that ever tried Cupid's patience to think of making love by sentiments I should have soon think of making a gentile suit of clothes out of remnants and to do it pop at first sight by declaration it's submitting the offer and themselves with it to be sifted with all their pores and corners by an unheeded mind the lady attended as if she expected I should go on consider then madam continued I laying my hand upon hers that grave people hate love for the namesake that selfish people hate it for their own hypocrites or heavens and that all of us both old and young being ten times worse frightened than hurt by the very report a want of knowledge in this branch of commerce a man betrays whoever lets the word come out of his lips till an hour or two at least after the time that his silence upon it becomes tormenting a course of small quiet attentions not so pointed as to alarm not so vague as to be misunderstood with now and then a look of kindness and little or nothing said upon it leaves nature for your mistress and she fashions it to her mind then I solemnly declare said the lady blushing you have been making love to me all this while the remise Calais Monsieur de Saint came back to let us out of the chaise and a quaint the lady the count de elle her brother was just arrived at the hotel though I had infinite goodwill for the lady I cannot say that I rejoiced in my heart at the event and could not help telling her so for it is fatal to a proposal madam said I that I was going to make to you you need not tell me what the proposal was said she laying her hand upon both mine as she interrupted me a man my good sir has seldom an offer of kindness to make to a woman but she has a presentiment of it some moments before nature arms her with it said I for immediate preservation but I think said she looking in my face I had no evil to apprehend and to deal frankly with you had determined to accept it if I had she stopped a moment I believe your goodwill would have drawn a story from me which would have made pity the only dangerous thing in the journey saying this she suffered me to kiss her hand twice and with a look of sensibility mixed with concern she got out of the chaise and bid adieu End of Section 5 Recording by Martin Giesen in Hazelmere Surrey Section 6 of A Sentimental Journey Through France and Italy This LibriVox recording is in the public domain Recording by Martin Giesen A Sentimental Journey Through France and Italy by Lawrence Stern Section 6 In the street, Calais I never finished a twelve-guinea bargain so expeditiously in my life. My time seemed heavy upon the loss of the lady and knowing every moment of it would be as true till I put myself into motion I ordered post-horses directly and walked towards the hotel Lord said I hearing the town clock strike four and recollecting that I had been little more than a single hour in Calais What a large volume of adventures may be grasped within this little span of life by him who interests his heart in everything and who, having eyes to see what time and chance are perpetually holding out to him as he journeyeth on his way, misses nothing he can fairly lay his hands on If this won't turn out something, another will. No matter. It is an assay upon human nature. I get my labour for my pains. It is enough. The pleasure of the experiment has kept my senses and the best part of my blood awake and laid the growth to sleep I pity the man who can travel from Dan to Beersheba and cry, Tis all barren. And so it is. And so is all the world to him who will not cultivate the fruits it offers I declare, said I, clapping my hands cheerily together, that where I in a desert I would find out where within it to call forth my affections If I could not do better I would fasten them upon some sweet muddle or seek some melancholy cypress to connect myself to I would court their shade and greet them kindly for their protection I would cut my name upon them and swear they were the loveliest trees throughout the desert If their leaves withered I would teach myself to mourn and when they rejoiced I would rejoice along with them The learned smell fungus travelled from Boulogne to Paris, from Paris to Rome and so on But he set out with the spleen and jaundice and every object he passed by was discoloured or distorted He wrote an account of them but it was nothing but the account of his miserable feelings I met smell fungus in the grand portico of the pantheon. He was just coming out of it It is nothing but a huge cockpit, said he I wish you had said nothing worse of the Venus of Medici's, replied I For in passing through Florence I had heard he had fallen foul upon the goddess and used her worse than a common strumpet without the least provocation in nature I popped upon smell fungus again at Turin in his return home and a sad tale of sorrowful adventures had he to tell Wherein he spoke of moving accidents by flood and field and of the cannibals that each other eat, the anthropoguy He had been flayed alive and bedeviled and used worse than Saint Bartholomew at every stage he had come at I'll tell it, cried smell fungus, to the world. You had better tell it, said I, to your physician Mandangas, with an immense fortune, made the whole tour, going on from Rome to Naples, from Naples to Venice, from Venice to Vienna, to Dresden to Berlin Without one generous connection or pleasurable anecdote to tell of But he had travelled straight on, looking neither to his right hand nor his left, lest love or pity should seduce him out of his road Peace be to them, if it is to be found, but heaven itself, where it possible to get there with such tempers, would want objects to give it Every gentle spirit would come flying upon the wings of love to hail their arrival Nothing would the souls of smell fungus and mandangas hear of but fresh anthems of joy, fresh raptures of love and fresh congratulations of their common felicity I heartily pity them, they have brought up no faculties for this work, and where the happiest mansion in heaven to be allotted to smell fungus and mandangas They would be so far from being happy that the souls of smell fungus and mandangas would do penance there to all eternity Montreuil I had once lost my portmanteau from behind my shares and twice got out in the rain and one of the times up to the knees in dirt to help the postillian to tie it on without being able to find out what was wanting Nor was it till I got to Montreuil, upon the landlords asking me if I wanted not a servant, that it occurred to me that that was the very thing A servant, that I do most sadly quote I Because Monsieur said the landlord, there is a clever young fellow who would be very proud of the honour to serve an Englishman But why an English one more than any other? They are so generous, said the landlord, I'll be shot if this is not a lever out of my pocket, quote I to myself this very night But they have wherewithal to be so Monsieur, added he, set down one lever more for that, quote I It was but last night, said the landlord, Camille Lorde Anglais, présenter un écu à la fille de chambre Tant pis pour mademoiselle, j'en a tant, said I Now j'en a tant, being the landlord's daughter, and the landlord supposing I was young in French, took the liberty to inform me I should not have said, tant pis, but tant mieux Tant mieux, toujours Monsieur, said he, when there is anything to be got, tant pis, when there is nothing It comes to the same thing, said I Pardonnez-moi, said the landlord I cannot take a fitter opportunity to observe, once for all, that tant pis and tant mieux, being two of the great hinges in French conversation, a stranger would do well to set himself right in the use of them before he gets to Paris A prompt French marquis at our ambassadour's table demanded of Mr. H. if he was H. the poet No, said Mr. H. mildly, tant pis, replied the marquis It is H. the historian, said another, tant mieux, said the marquis, and Mr. H., who is a man of an excellent heart, returned thanks for both When the landlord had set me right in this matter, he called in La Fleur, which was the name of the young man he had spoke of, saying only first that as for his talents he would presume to say nothing, Monsieur was the best judge what would suit him, but for the fidelity of La Fleur he would stand responsible in all he was worth The landlord delivered this in a manner which instantly set my mind to the business I was upon, and La Fleur, who stood waiting without, in that breathless expectation which every son of nature of us have felt in our turns, came in Montaille I am apt to be taken with all kinds of people at first sight, but never more so than when a poor devil comes to offer his service to so poor a devil as myself And as I know this weakness, I always suffer my judgement to draw back something on that very account, and this more or less according to the mood I am in, and the case, and I may add the gender too of the person I am to govern When La Fleur entered the room, after every discount I could make for my soul, the genuine look and air of the fellow determined the matter at once in his favour, so I hired him first, and then began to enquire what he could do But I shall find out his talents, quasi, as I want them, besides a Frenchman can do everything Now poor La Fleur could do nothing in the world but beat a drum, and play a march or two upon the fife I was determined to make his talents do, and can't say my weakness was ever so insulted by my wisdom as in the attempt La Fleur had set out early in life as gallantly as most Frenchmen do, with serving for a few years At the end of which, having satisfied the sentiment, and found moreover that the honour of beating a drum was likely to be its own reward, as it opened no further track of glory to him He retired as Ceterre, and lived comme il plaisait à Dieu, that is to say upon nothing And so, quoth wisdom, you have hired a drummer to attend you in this tour of yours through France and Italy Prr, said I, and do not one half of our gentry go with a hum-drum compagnon du voyage, the same round, and have the piper and the devil and all to pay besides When man can extricate himself with an équivoque in such an unequal match, he is not ill-off But you can do something else, La Fleur, said I. Oh, oui, he could make spatter-dashes and play a little upon the fiddle Bravo, said Wisdom. Why, I play a bass myself, said I. We shall do very well. You can shave and dress a week a little, La Fleur He had all the dispositions in the world. It is enough for heaven, said I, interrupting him, and ought to be enough for me So, supper coming in, and having a frisky English spaniel on one side of my chair, and a French valet, with as much hilarity in his countenance as ever nature painted in one on the other, I was satisfied to my heart's content with my empire And if monarchs knew what they would be at, they might be as satisfied as I was. A Sentimental Journey through France and Italy by Laurence Stern Section 7 Montreuil As La Fleur went the whole tour of France and Italy with me, and will often be upon the stage, I must interest the reader a little farther in his behalf by saying that I never had less reason to repent of the impulses which generally do determine me than in regard to this fellow He was a faithful, affectionate, simple cell, as ever trudged after the heels of a philosopher, and not withstanding his talents of drum-beating and spatter-dash-making, which, though very good in themselves, happened to be of no great service to me, yet was I hourly recompensed by the festivity of his temper It supplied all defects. I had a constant resource in his looks, in all difficulties and distresses of my own. I was going to have added of his too, but La Fleur was out of the reach of everything. For whether it was hunger or thirst, or cold or nakedness, or watchings, or whatever stripes of ill-luck La Fleur met with in our journeyings, there was no index in his physiognomy to point them out by. He was eternally the same. So that if I am a piece of a philosopher, which Satan now and then puts it into my head I am, it always mortifies the pride of the conceit by reflecting how much I owe to the complexional philosophy of this poor fellow, for shaming me into one of a better kind. With all this, La Fleur had a small cast of the coxcum, but he seemed at first sight to be more of a coxcum of nature than of art, and before I had been three days in Paris with him, he seemed to be no coxcum at all. Montreuil The next morning, La Fleur entering upon his employment, I delivered to him the key of my portmanteau, with an inventory of my half a dozen shirts and silk pair of britches, and bid him fasten all upon the chaise, get the horses put to and desire the landlord to come in with his bill. C'est un garçon de bonne fortune, said the landlord, pointing through the window to half a dozen wenches who had got round about La Fleur, and were most kindly taking their leave of him, as the postillian was leading out the horses. La Fleur kissed all their hands round and round again, and thrice he wiped his eyes, and thrice he promised he would bring them all pardons from Rome. The young fellow, said the landlord, is beloved by all the town, and there is scarce a corner in Montreuil, where the want of him will not be felt. He has but one misfortune in the world, continued he, he is always in love. I am heartily glad of it, said I, to all save me the trouble every night of putting my britches under my head. In saying this, I was making not so much La Fleur's, a luge as my own, having been in love with one princess or another almost all my life, and I hope I shall go on so till I die, being firmly persuaded that if ever I do a mean action, it must be in some interval between one passion and another. Whilst this interregnum lasts, I always perceive my heart locked up. I can scarce find in it to give misery a sixpence, and therefore I always get out of it as fast as I can, and the moment I am rekindled, I am all generosity and goodwill again, and would do anything in the world, either for or with anyone, if they will but satisfy me there is no sin in it. But in saying this, sure, I am commanding the passion, not myself. A fragment. The town of Abdera, notwithstanding Democritus lived there, trying all the powers of irony and laughter to reclaim it was the vilest and most profligate town in all Thrace. What for poisons, conspiracies and assassinations, libals, pasquinades and tumults! There was no going there by day, it was worse by night. Now, when things were at the worst, it came to pass that the Andromeda of Euripides being represented at Abdera, the whole orchestra was delighted with it. But of all the passages which delighted them, nothing operated more upon their imaginations than the tender strokes of nature which the poet had wrought up in that pathetic speech of Perseus. O cupid prince of gods and men, etc. Every man almost spoke pure iambics the next day, and talked of nothing but Perseus' pathetic address. O cupid prince of gods and men, in every street of Abdera, in every house, O cupid, cupid, in every mouth, like the natural notes of some sweet melody which drop from it whether it will or know, nothing but cupid, cupid, prince of gods and men. The fire caught, and the whole city, like the heart of one man, opened itself to love. No farmer-copilist could sell one grain of helibor. Not a single armourer had a heart to forge one instrument of death. Friendship and virtue met together and kissed each other in the street. The golden age returned, and hung over the town of Abdera. Every Abderite took his Oaten pipe, and every Abderite-ish woman left her purple web, and chastely sat her down and listened to the song. Twas only in the power says the fragment of the god whose empire extendeth from heaven to earth, and even to the depths of the sea, to have done this. Muntrei When all is ready and every article is disputed and paid for in the inn, unless you are a little soured by the adventure, there is always a matter to compound at the door before you can get into your shares, and that is with the sons and daughters of poverty who surround you. Let no man say, let them go to the devil. It is a cruel journey to send a few, Miserable, and they have had sufferings in now without it. I always think it better to take a few soos out in my hand, and I would counsel every gentle traveller to do so likewise. He need not be so exact in setting down his motives for giving them. They will be registered elsewhere. For my own part there is no man give so little as I do, for few that I know have so little to give, but as this was the first public act of my charity in France, I took the more notice of it. A well away, said I, I have but eight soos in the wild, showing them in my hand, and there are eight poor men and eight poor women for them. A poor, tattered soul without a shirt on instantly withdrew his claim by retiring two steps out of the circle and making a disqualifying bow on his part. Had the whole parterre cried out, plus so dame, with one voice it would not have conveyed the sentiment of a deference for the sex, with half the effect. Just heaven, for what wise reasons hast thou ordered it, that beggary and urbanity, which are at such variance in other countries, should find a way to be at unity in this? I insisted upon presenting him with a single soot, merely for his politesse. A poor little dwarfish brisk fellow, who stood over against me in the circle, put something first under his arm, which had once been a hat. Took his snuff-box out of his pocket, and generously offered a pinch on both sides of him. It was a gift of consequence, and modestly declined. The poor little fellow pressed it upon them with a nod of welcomeness. Prenez-en, prenez, said he, looking another way, so they each took a pinch. Pity thy box should ever want one, said I to myself, so I put a couple of soos into it, taking a small pinch out of his box to enhance their value as I did it. He felt the weight of the second obligation more than of the first. It was doing him an honour. The other was only doing him a charity, and he made me a bow down to the ground for it. Here, said I to an old soldier with one hand, who had been campaigned and worn out to death in the service. Here's a couple of soos for thee. Vive le roi, said the old soldier. I had then but three soos left, so I gave one simply pour l'amour de Dieu, which was the footing on which it was begged. The poor woman had a dislocated hip, so it could not be well upon any other motive. Mon cher est très charitable, monsieur. There's no opposing this, said I. My leur anglais. The very sound was worth the money, so I gave my last soo for it. But in the eagerness of giving I had overlooked a pauvre enteur who had had no one to ask a soo for him, and who I believe would have perished ere he could have asked one for himself. He stood by the shade, a little without the circle, and wiped a tear from a face which I thought had seen better days. Good God! said I, and I have not one single soo left to give him. But you have a thousand! cried all the powers of nature sterling within me. So I gave him, no matter what, I am ashamed to say how much now, and was ashamed to think how little then. So if the reader can form any conjecture of my disposition, as these two fixed points are given him, he may judge within a leave or two what was the precise sum. I could afford nothing for the rest, but Dieu vous bénisse. Et le bon Dieu vous bénisse encore! said the old soldier, the dwarf, etc. The pauvre enteur could say nothing. He pulled out a little handkerchief, and wiped his face as he turned away. And I thought he thanked me more than them all. End of Section 7 Recording by Martin Giesen in Hazelmeyer Surrey. Section 8 of A Sentimental Journey Through France and Italy. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Recording by Martin Giesen. A Sentimental Journey Through France and Italy. By Laurence Stern. Section 8 The B-Day. Readers' Translation. Post-Horse. Having settled all these little matters, I got into my post-shares with more ease than ever I got into a post-shares in my life. And La Fleur having got one large jack-boot on the far side of a little B-Day, and another on this. For I count nothing of his legs, he cantered away before me as happy and as perpendicular as a prince. But what is happiness? What is grandeur in this painted scene of life? A dead ass, before we had got a leak, put a sudden stop to La Fleur's career. His B-Day would not pass by it. A contention arose, betwixt them, and the poor fellow was kicked out of his jack-boots the very first kick. La Fleur bore his fall like a French Christian, saying neither more nor less upon it than Diable. So presently got up, and came to the charge again astride his B-Day, beating him up to it as he would have beat his drum. The B-Day flew from one side of the road to the other, then back again, then this way, then that way, and in short, every way but by the dead ass. La Fleur insisted upon the thing, and the B-Day threw him. What's the matter, La Fleur, said I, with this B-Day of thine? Monsieur, said he, c'est un cheval le plus opinionatre du monde. Nay, if he is a conceited beast, he must go his own way, replied I. So La Fleur got off him, and giving him a good sound lash, the B-Day took me at my word, and away he scampered back to Montreuil. Peste, said La Fleur. It is not mal à propos to take notice here that though La Fleur availed himself but of two different terms of exclamation in this encounter, namely Diable and Peste, that there are nevertheless three in the French language, like the positive, comparative and superlative, one or the other of which serves for every unexpected throw of the dice in life. Le Diable, which is the first and positive degree, is generally used upon ordinary emotions of the mind, where small things only fall out contrary to your expectations, such as the throwing one's doublets. La Fleur has been kicked off his horse and so on. Carcaldum, for the same reason, is always Le Diable. But in cases where the cast has something provoking in it, as in that of the B-Days running away after and leaving La Fleur aground in jackboots, it is the second degree, it is then Peste. And for the third. But here my heart is rung with pity and fellow-feeling when I reflect what miseries must have been their lot and how bitterly so refined a people must have smarted to have forced them upon the use of it. Grant me, oh ye powers which touch the tongue with eloquence in distress, whatever is my caste, grant me but decent words to exclaim in, and I will give my nature away. But as these were not to be had in France, I resolved to take every evil just as it befell me, without any exclamation at all. La Fleur, who had made no such covenant with himself, followed the B-Day with his eyes till it was got out of sight, and then you may imagine, if you please, with what word he closed the whole affair. As there was no hunting down a frightened horse in jackboots, there remained no alternative but taking La Fleur either behind the shares or into it. I preferred the latter, and in half an hour we got to the post-house at Nampont. Nampont, the dead ass. And this, said he, putting the remains of a crust into his wallet, and this should have been thy portion, said he, had thou been alive to have shared it with me. I thought by the accent it had been an apostrophe to his child, but was to his ass, and to the very ass we had seen dead in the road, which had occasioned La Fleur's misadventure. The man seemed to lament it much, and it instantly brought into my mind Sancho's lamentation for his, but he did it with more true touches of nature. The mourner was sitting upon a stone bench at the door with the ass's panel and its bridle on one side, which he took up from time to time, then laid them down, looked at them and shook his head. He then took his crust of bread out of his wallet again as if to eat it, held it some time in his hand, then laid it upon the bit of his ass's bridle, looked wistfully at the little arrangement he had made, and then gave a sigh. The simplicity of his grief drew numbers about him, and La Fleur amongst the rest, whilst the horses were getting ready. As I continued sitting in the post-shares I could see and hear over their heads. He said he had come last from Spain, where he had been from the furthest borders of Franconia, and had got so far on his return home when his ass died. Everyone seemed desirous to know what business could have taken so old and poor a man so far a journey from his own home. It had pleased heaven, he said, to bless him with three sons, the finest lads in Germany, but having in one week lost two of the eldest of them by the smallpox, and the youngest falling ill of the same distemper. He was afraid of being bereft of them all, and made of thou, if heaven would not take him from him also, he would go in gratitude to Santiago in Spain. When the mourner got thus far on his story he stopped to pay nature her tribute, and wept bitterly. He said heaven had accepted the conditions, and that he had set out from his cottage with this poor creature, who had been a patient partner of his journey, that it had eaten the same bread with him all the way, and was unto him as a friend. Everybody who stood about heard the poor fellow with concern. La fleur offered him money. The mourner said he did not want it. It was not the value of the ass, but the loss of him. The ass, he said, he was assured loved him, and upon this told them a long story of a mischance upon their passage over the Pyrenean mountains, which had separated them from each other three days, during which time the ass had sought him as much as he had sought the ass, and that they had scarce either eaten or drank till they met. Thou hast one comfort friend, said I, at least, in the loss of thy poor beast. I'm sure thou hast been a merciful master to him. Alas! said the mourner, I thought so when he was alive, but now that he is dead I think otherwise. I fear the weight of myself and my afflictions together have been too much for him. They have shortened the poor creature's days, and I fear I have them to answer for. Shame on the world, said I to myself. Did we but love each other, as this poor soul loved his ass. It would be something. Nampon, the Postillian The concern which the poor fellow's story threw me into required some attention. The Postillian paid not the least to it, but set off upon the pavé in a full gallop. The thirstiest soul in the most sandy desert of Arabia could not have wished more for a cup of cold water than mine did for grave and quiet movements. And I should have had an high opinion of the Postillian had he but stolen off with me in something like a pensive pace. On the contrary, as the mourner finished his lamentation, the fellow gave an unfeeling lash to each of his beasts, and set off clattering like a thousand devils. I called out to him as loud as I could, for heaven's sake to go slower. And the louder I called, the more unmassively he galloped. The deuce take him and his galloping too, said I, he'll go on tearing my nerves to pieces till he has worked me into a foolish passion, and then he'll go slow that I may enjoy the sweets of it. The Postillian managed the point to a miracle. By the time he had got to the foot of a steep hill, about half a league from Nampon, he had put me out of temper with him, and then with myself for being so. My case then required a different treatment, and a good rattling gallop would have been a real service to me. And privy, get on! Get on, my good lad! said I. The Postillian pointed to the hill. I then tried to return back to the story of the poor German and his ass, but I had broke the clue and could no more get into it again than the Postillian called into a trot. The deuce go, said I with it all. Here am I, sitting as candidly disposed to make the best of the worst as ever white was, and all runs counter. There is one sweet lenitif at least for evils which nature holds out to us. So I took it kindly at her hands, and fell asleep, and the first word which roused me was ammiam. Ah! bless me! said I, rubbing my eyes. This is the very town where my poor lady is to come. End of section 8