 I'll start out with the Hadith of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and these are some of the Hadith that as I come across and I find that they have a connection to the subject of respecting parents and the rights of parents, I just write them into the book, into the notes that I've been taking. So in the first one narrated by, in Sahih Muslim, the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, الرحمه متعلقة تون بالعبش تقولوا من وصرني وصرن الله ونا قطعني قطعن الله The rahim, the womb, or the connection that's created by the womb, the rahim, like the kinship bonds says or is connected to the ash, the rahim is connected to the throne of Allah and it says whoever connects to me, Allah will connect to them, and whoever cuts me, Allah will cut them off. And this is enough of a reminder to us of the importance of the rahim and the importance of maintaining that bond and this is in general, whether it's the parents or otherwise, but it starts with the parents. The second one narrated by Sahih Al-Bukhari, and this Hadith gives us an understanding of what slidat al-Rahim means because sometimes when you see the translation of slidat al-Rahim what do we see it translated as? Ties of kinship. Ties of kinship. Ties of kinship. Ties of kinship. But what are we doing? Because that's just a noun, there's no verb. What do we have to do with the ties? Connecting. Connecting. Isn't that what we would say? Who's ever seen it or heard it as maintaining kinship bonds? Have we seen that sometimes or heard it speaking? Sometimes it's translated as maintaining kinship bonds and other times I personally have seen it less translated this, but as you mentioned, connecting the actual making of a connection between the kinship bonds and this next Hadith narrated by Sahih Al-Bukhari will clarify to us what does slidat al-Rahim connecting the bonds of kinship, what does it actually mean? Abdullah ibn Umar, Abdullah ibn Amin, may Allah be pleased with him, he said that the messenger of Allah, SAW said, the person who maintains the kinship bonds, or the wasm, so if we say slidat al-Rahim is the now, the person who does that action is the wasm, he's the one who's doing the wasm, he's connecting with that kinship bonds. So the messenger of Allah SAW said, the one who connects is not the one who returns the favor, or gives, basically it's like an equal exchange, the muka'fi is the equal exchange. The wasm is not the one who does the equal exchange, the wasm is the one who, when his bond is cut with him, he goes and connects. So think about that in our families, I think every one of us can, can just connect with the kinship bonds, so think about that in our families. I think every one of us can just think about your families, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, grandparents, grandchildren, somewhere in your family, there's somebody either with you, or with other members of your family, there's some people who are not talking with each other, right? I think we can all relate to them, it's a human condition. The messenger of Allah SAW, the messenger of Allah SAW is treating as a doctor the ills of all society. So it's a human condition, the qata of the rahm. We can all relate to that, we've all seen that, we've heard stories, maybe we've experienced that, somebody has cut us off, or we've cut them off for whatever reason, valid or invalid. And usually the people who are in this on both sides, if you talk to them, they feel, I have a right to not speak to that person because of what they said to me. Okay, well, how can we fix this? I don't need to fix it, they should come to me. That's in a situation where there's discord in the family. But then there's other people who you have, and hopefully for the majority of the family, you have a good relationship, and a good interaction, and you see them on aid, and you see them at dinners, and you see them at family reunion type things, and we may fool ourselves, trick ourselves into thinking that maintaining relationship with the people who are maintaining with us, that's silat al rahm. We say, oh, we have to go visit them at Eid because of silat al rahm. Will they cut you off? No, they visited us, so we visit them. They invited us, so we invite them, a lot of cultures, right? You start counting up in Ramadan. Okay, who invited us last year? Now we gotta invite them back this year. And when it comes time to the weddings, oh, who gave us on our daughters wedding this much? We have to give on their daughters, right? It's almost an equal exchange. But thinking about a person who came to your wedding, or a family member's wedding, didn't bring you any gift, and you still gave them $100. That's the silat al rahm. When a person cuts you off, doesn't work in an equal exchange with you, and you go above and beyond and do something for them. So with the family members who we are maintaining the silat al rahm, that's also an obligation. It's also an obligation, so we shouldn't discount that. But we should not think that silat al rahm, this high station that the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, is calling us to, is that equal exchange. It's for the person who cuts us off. It's for the person who disrespects us. It's for the person who does not fulfill our right, and then we go to make that connection. They say one of the examples is, you know, there's a hadith, a famous hadith where the Prophet, peace be upon him, said that there's a tree in the desert that resembles the believer. And all of the Sahaba, all of these grown men, not one of them could understand what tree is he talking about. Because even though it's a desert, there's still trees. There's trees in the desert like the Siddiq. Has anybody ever eaten nabaq from the Siddiq tree? It's like a, almost like a little berry from a desert type tree. In Yemen, anybody from Yemen here, they have a very expensive honey that comes from the Siddiq tree. So the Siddiq has thorns, and it's interesting. Look it up on the internet. Look up lote tree, L-O-T-E. You know when the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said, it's named after the same tree that's in the earth, the Siddiq. But on earth, the tree is, it has its thorns. One is straight, and one is curved. It looks just like the perfect barbed wire. In fact, the Bedouins, and I've seen this in Mauritania in the desert, they'll cut the branches of this tree to make a fence around the goats that the wolves can't get in there. It's so, it's dangerous. I've actually put clothes on the tree to dry them off when we've been washing them like in a lake or a river. When you try to pull your clothes off, it starts ripping. Like, it's almost like barbed wire or razor wire. That's the Siddiq. It also produces a very nice fruit. But when the Arabs heard in Surah Al-Waqe'a, in Siddiq, Mahdoul, right? One of the Arabs said, Ya Rasulullah, is Allah going to reward us in Jannah with a Shajarah, Like the person who owns or interacts with this tree, you're going to get harmed. If you try to pick its fruit, it'll pick it, it'll cut you to shreds. And the Arab said, is that one? He said, didn't you hear what Allah said? She Siddiq, Mahdoul, meaning a Siddiq with no thorns. So not just any Siddiq, a Siddiq with no thorns. And one of the most amazing things that I saw with the Siddiq is the camels would come to the Siddiq tree and you know how like we take a bunch of grapes, the small grapes, you put them in your mouth and you pull it and you just pull the stems out? I've seen, wallahi, I've seen camels come to the Siddiq tree with this barbed wire thorn, put, grab a whole branchful and just pull all of the leaves and it doesn't cut any of its mouth. That's why when Allah tells us, look at this amazing creation, the camel. With some people, some of the Orientalists, they say this is a proof that this is not a universal message. Because how would somebody in the middle of the Amazon rainforest how would they relate to the camel? Two things, one is the camel is a unique and amazing animal wherever in the world you are, if you study it and look at what it can do. But the second thing is the principle that Allah is teaching us look at these amazing creatures which, within your ecosystems and it doesn't have to be the camel, if it isn't the one that eats it, it be the, that's just an example, look at all of the creatures around you. So getting back to the tree question, the Arabs had trees in the desert. The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam asked them There's a tree in the desert that resembles the believer. What is it? None of them could answer. But who knew the answer? Abdullah Mu'ma. Abdullah the son of Mu'ma, but he was a young boy. And so just like we see, you know, most kids with edab, they don't want to speak up in a gathering of adults. Out of edab, maybe out of haibah. They're a little bit shy, a little bit scared. So afterwards he told his father, he says, I knew what the tree was. It's the palm tree, the date palm tree. And he said, why didn't you say it? Because then when the Prophet didn't find an answer, he said, it's the date palm tree. And Abdullah Mu'ma, he said, I knew what it was. He said, why didn't you speak up? It would have made me so proud to have my son answer this question that all of the Sahaba, with some of the elders of the Sahaba, they couldn't get. So we look at the date palm tree. I asked one of my teachers. They were actually in a date palm grove or garden, and it was when they eat the fresh dates. Before they become dates, they're like, before a raisin is a raisin, you can eat a grape. The same thing with the dates, the bedah. Does anybody like to eat bedah? We just finished the season right now, in August and September in California. So I asked him, as we're looking at the trees, I said, what is it? So the Messenger of Allah SAW said, what is it, but I'm asking, what is it about the tree that we are like? He said, oh, it's a lot of things. He said, one of the things is that the date palm tree, it doesn't like a lot of water. And it doesn't like very nutritious soil. The harsher the soil and the like, it needs enough water, it needs water to grow. It can't like, it's not one of those drought resistant trees that can go without water for years. No, it needs water, but if you water it too much, just like any tree, but even in the desert, the date palm, it won't do good. And if the soil is too good, if there's not enough sand and rocks, the dates won't be as sweet. So the harsher the environment, the sweeter the dates. How does that sound like the believer? The other thing is there's so many benefits that come out of a tree, out of a date palm. Not just the dates, but there's the dates and then the date seeds. There's people who will actually take the date seeds and crush them up and it becomes food for the cows or the donkeys. The palm roofs out of it, out of the palm tree of France. The actual trunk of the tree, you can use it in construction. Who's ever seen a building that has like palm fronds in it or palm trunks in it. If you go to some countries, usually in the deserts, they still build with it. The other thing is, there's a type of, it's like the fibers of the tree that the Sahaba would wash their dishes with them. They would scrub their bodies with it. So you know, like the luffa sponge. It's like that, but it's made out of the date palm tree. So here's a business idea I thought about, like a match. So somebody gets those palm fibers and organic fair trade certified non-GMO of that. And then sell some natural body scrubbing materials. And what other things? They use some of the fronds when they fall off, they use them for cooking. There's a lot of benefits. And then I read one time, they said, look at the palm tree. Because when you throw rocks at it, what happens? What is the date given response? It's not like the trees from the Wizard of Oz. Remember Dorothy tried to pick an apple. They started throwing the apples to hurt them. But if you throw a stick at a palm tree and it has dates, and you throw rocks at a palm tree, what is it going to give you? Dates. Dates, something good. And so that's another way that believers should be like the palm tree. When somebody throws sticks at us or stones, we can't respond like, like, equal for equal, tick for tick. But we can also say, I'm going to go to a higher level. So how does that relate to Surah Al-Rahim? When somebody cuts us off and tries to destroy the kinship bond, the Rahim between us, we shouldn't take the attitude of, well, they're not calling me. I'm not going to call them. They're not respecting me. I shouldn't respect them. They're not maintaining the kinship bonds with me. So I'm not going to maintain the kinship bonds with them. So with that, we'll go into, as it relates to Bid al-Wadi Dain. And last week we spoke about obeying them, which one is greater, the mother or the father, because we began, the first few weeks, we're talking about the importance of respecting the parents, obeying the parents as a group. And although it's important for them to work as a team, what happens when they don't? What happens when one parent, the mother asks the child to do one thing, and the father asks for something else? Or what happens when the parents see one thing for the children, I want you to do this, and the child, especially once they become older, doesn't want to do that? And where does that come to head a lot of times when it comes to marriage? So now let's talk, see what the ulama have said about obedience and respect of the parents as it relates to marriage. So Muhammad Molud says, he discusses that one of the ulama looked at all of the, kind of did a survey of the hadith that relate to obedience to the parents as it relates to marriage, and what the ulama have said about that. So the first situation is the parents tell the child, tell the son, sorry, so there's two different things. There's the parents telling the son, there's the parents telling the dog. So the first thing is, if the parents tell the son, I don't want you to marry so-and-so, a specific person. So the parents say, he says here, surayman, as an example. So the parents tell their son, look, I know you want to get married, it's okay, we encourage it, we want you to get married, you have an interest in surayman, don't marry her. But you can marry anybody else. So he said, if this is the situation, then some of the ulama, some of the ulama, and there's also, fifth, you have a lot of difference of opinion, some of the ulama say, he has to obey them in that situation because they didn't come and say don't get married at all, they just said this one specific person. Now before we start thinking of other scenarios and questions, let's just get through this whole, all these scenarios and what are the different opinions in them. Now if they tell the son, don't get married at all, we don't want you to get married, then at that point he does not have to obey them because now they're asking for something unreasonable. So earlier when we were talking about obedience to the parents, we said a lot of it hinges on, they're not ordering us to do something haram, they're not ordering us to do something harmful, and the order to be able to do it is actually reasonable. So for the average Muslim, average human being for that matter, leaving marriage would be harmful to them. So the parents can't come and they can't say, I don't want you to get married at all, no more marriage, they don't have that right because that's unreasonable. But if they say, look there's a lot of people, you have interest in a couple different people, just not that person for whatever reason. According to some of the Ulema, they say you have to obey them in that question. Now the third situation is what if the child is already married and the parent says, I want you to divorce your wife to the son. There's a hadith and now the majority of the Ulema say he does not have to obey her. And Imam al-Haythami, Ibn Hajjah al-Haythami, who's one of the famous muhabideen, he mentioned this opinion from the Shafi'i school. And this is the opinion of the Shafi'i school, this is the opinion of the Madagascool and others as well, that he does not have to obey them because now this is something when we look at marriage, marriage is something that's very sacred. And breaking the bonds of marriage is very, should only be done under the most serious situation. So we know the hadith, the most hateful of the haraatu Allah is divorce. So out of all of the halal, the closest thing to being haraam, it's not haraam, we're not like the Christians who believe till death do us part. And that was the shari'a of Isa. And if you study the split of the Christian church, the foundational matter that a lot of churches split on was this. They're like, we have to have a way out, some marriages don't work out. And so the shari'a of Isa, the shuri'a Allah of Isa, and I know this is going online, Isa had a shuri'a Allah, Moses had a shuri'a Allah, Yusuf had a shuri'a Allah, y'all had shuri'a Allah, shari'a Allah. The prophets of Allah are saying shari'a Allah is for divorce, but it's the most hated of the haraam. There's a hadith that the messenger of Allah, said that in the morning Iblis has his throne, or he has his throne on the oceans. And in the morning he sends out his demons. And he tells them the one who does the worst thing when you come back in the evening will get to sit right next to me. So they go out, spread their mischief and their corruption. They come back in the evening and he starts asking them, what did you do? The first person says, I got a person to drink alcohol. He says, no, not you. I got a person to gamble, no, not you. I got a person to kill, to murder, no, not you. He said, I separated between a husband and his wife. He said, yes, you, come sit next to me. Now when you look at it, murder, theft, alcohol, those are all things that are haraam in and of themselves. But the actual act of divorce is not haraam. But most of the time, the things that lead up to the actual divorce is filled with haraam. Cursing, fighting, being home, living, humiliating all of these things. And that's one of the interpretations that the Aalama As-Sarabah, this hadith, abladoo al-halaali ilallah al-talaa the most heinin of the halaa to Allah is the talaa. And they had to ask this question, well, we know one of the definitions of haraam is that it is the thing that Allah hates. And what is something that's halaa? Something that Allah does not hate. So how could Allah hate the halaa? So they looked at this, they gave it an interpretation. They said, yes, Allah does not hate the halaa. But all of the things, so the actual act of divorce is halaa. But everything that leads up to divorce is usually filled with haraam. And so that's what Allah is saying that, or the Prophet is telling us that Allah hates. So because we have this, the most heinin of the halaa is divorce. The most beloved thing to release is divorce. And with the disclaimer that in some situations divorce is actually an obligation. Sometimes, whatever's better for the person, that's the path they have to choose with. Now we're talking in general. So if we know this is the status of divorce in Islam, if the parents come to the child and they say, I want you to divorce, they're asking them for something that's very, very difficult and very, very problematic. And so they'll say, no, you don't have to obey them. Some of the ulama have said, yes, you do have to obey them. And they use as a hadee, a situation where Umar ibn al-Khattab told his son, one of his sons, I can't if I can find the name, but one of his sons had married a woman and Abdullah Umar ibn al-Khattab told his son, divorce your wife. And so he really, he didn't want to divorce her, so he went to the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. He's in a situation, a difficult situation. He told the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, my father has told me to divorce my wife. So then the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, divorce your wife. Now some of the ulama said, this is a proof that the father or the parent has the right to tell their child if they feel that there's benefit in this to suggest divorce. The other ulama responded, no, no, no, that's not what's going on in this hadith. What's going on in this hadith is this is Umar ibn al-Khattab. This is Umar al-Faruq. This is Umar who the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said about him, Aleykum bi Sunnatin. Follow my Sunnah and what else? And the Sunnah of the righteously guided khulafa'in ba'di that come after me, including Umar. This is Umar who many times, there's actually one thing that Umar has, it's specific to him amongst the Sahab, it's called the Mu'afaqat. There were a number of times where he mentioned something and there was no clear wahi at the time, but Umar's opinion was actually in line with what Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta'ala was going to reveal to them. A couple of examples. After the Battle of Bada, there were some prisoners taken. The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam now gets two advice. Keep them as POWs and ransom them or execute them. What did Abu Bakr advise? Rancid. What did Umar advise? Execute. And he said not only execute, but have every member of the Muslims who that's their relative, they execute their relative. To show this is, this is iman as the dividing between us. There's no more tribal connections. The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam went with Abu Bakr's choice and then later Allah had said it was not befitting for you to take the prisoners of war, you should have executed them. So Umar's insight was actually in line with the Wahi that was about to come. It's not that he had Wahi. And I'll give some more examples of this and explain it more after the Salat. We'll bring it through the Salat at the nation. So just to use the last 20 minutes to finish out this very important topic. So we left off on discussing on the Dua Faqat of Umar. Just to give you a couple more examples of the Dua Faqat. It's fine, I got it, I got it. I got it, yeah, thank you. Thank you. One time Umar was with the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and they were eating and Aisha was right there. And Umar told the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam I don't think it's befitting that your wives are able to interact with the men of the community and he's talking about himself first and foremost without a barrier in between us. I think it would be more befitting that your wives are not only wearing hijab but also speak from behind the hijab and then the aya of hijab came down. And so it's not that Allah is revealing it because of Umar. And it's not that Umar has Wahi because Wahi revelation is only something that the Prophets have but it's something that the insight of Umar he could see something that would later be confirmed by revelation. So again it's not Wahi and it's not that Allah is doing it because Umar had that feeling. The aya of hijab. When the if happened, when the lie against our mother Aisha came and people started spreading the slander about Aisha. We know that the majority of the believers they rejected it. Some of the believers believed it and spread the lie and they were punished later for that with 80 lashes each. And then some of the people were in doubt maybe, maybe not. But Umar, when he heard it what did he say? The first thing when he heard the news of the slander, the first thing that he said was Subhanaka had a bohtan on Azeem. Where else do we see that? Had a bohtan on Azeem. That's the exact words that are mentioned in the Qur'an. The exact words. When Umar al-Lilaw, when he heard the verses of embryology that we all mentioned to prove the scientific miracle of the Qur'an. When he heard those verses the very clear ones, there was a alaqa and a mudqa and all of this at the end he said What was the next ayah that was revealed? So Umar had, he was on a different wavelength than most people. He had insight. He had, when he was the Khalifa one time he was standing on the minba giving a khutba and recently before that he had sent out a Muslim by the name of Saria. And Saria was sent out as a leader of a battle. Leader of a group of Muslims they engaged in the battle. During the battle Umar could see in the khutba while he was in Medina he could see that the enemy were coming around the mountain. And he could see that Saria the general of that army was not paying attention to that mountain and they were about to be ambushed. And so during the khutba he said Alhamdulillahi al-wahid al-ajami al-ladhi la sharika lahu wa la mathal Ya Saria al-jamal al-jamal al-jamal And when Saria came back he said I heard the voice of Umar. And this was confirmed by all the Sahaba so this not just some some hearsay that happened this was confirmed by all the Sahaba who were present that Saria heard the voice and others heard the voice and then they confirmed it to Umar. And Umar was in the midst of giving the khutba he just, he called out to Saria and he made it rhyme with the rest of the khutba Alhamdulillahi al-wahid al-ajami al-ladhi la sharika lahu wa la mathal Ya Saria al-jamal al-jamal al-jamal the mountain, the mountain, the mountain he looked over and he saved the army. So now this is Umar if he tells his son, Abdullah to divorce his wife do you see why the messenger of Allah said yes I'm confirming the judgment it's basically like the supreme court is the messenger of Allah and the ninth district court is Umar al-lillahi al-wahid al-ajami and the supreme court is just confirming the lower court's decision, yes because do we think that Umar would be telling his son to divorce his wife because of a cultural reason? do we think that Umar would tell his wife to divorce his son to divorce his son's wife because of a nefs issue that Umar had a nefse issue he didn't Umar said when he, as a Muslim he never went to any of his wives with the intention of shahwa he said I wanted somebody to be mujahid fi sabidullah that was Umar he wasn't even thinking he wasn't thinking on the realm of nefs and culture and shahwa Umar was the person who he imagined he was walking to the messenger of Allah to assassinate him the story happens he becomes Muslim the next thing he says why are we worshiping in private? let's go worship at the Ka'bah and him and Esudallah Hamza went to worship at the Ka'bah they said from the day Umar became Muslim Islam gained indignity and respect and honor amongst the people and once Umar was assassinated it's been going down ever since so this was Umar so the reason why it's important to mention this is because if a parent comes and says well you know what as a parent I have the right to tell my son to divorce because of this hadith you say no no no you have to understand the context of the hadith and this is what has been confirmed by the hadumah so we have those three situations if the parent says a specific person the son has to obey if the parent says in general the son doesn't have to obey because it's unreasonable and divorce doesn't have to obey now one thing I will say about the specific person is we don't have to look at this as absolute because nowadays the halal has become so difficult to attain and marriage is one of the most difficult things that is afflicting our societies it's very difficult to find two Muslims who are both practicing who identify as there in their religion practice in their religion want to get married and are compatible you see how many levels we have to go through and in this day and age where the haram is so easy the haram is so easy and so we have all of these levels and if finally a young Muslim man finds somebody that he's compatible with and his parents don't know then that's where we would say well even though there is some precedent some legal ruling to say you have the right that's all based on reason and if it's unreasonable if it's an unreasonable request then we don't have to you don't have to obey as the son this is not talking about the daughter the daughter is a different set of rulings and for all of us who are mid-year and have daughters in our care by Sharia Allah has placed the Winaya their guardianship under our guard but the Wadi does not mean you're the supreme leader like the North Korean leader calls himself it's not the supreme leader it's not the dictator it's not authoritarian what does a Wadi mean what does Wadi mean what does it come from what does the word come from Wadi Amid is there it's another version of it but Wadi what does it mean or what's the translation that we've seen of Wadi a protector Allah is the Wadi of those who believe he's the protector the protecting friend some translations put it as so the Wadi is the one who protects those in his charge the Wadi and Amid should be protected the parent should be protected so when it comes time for marriage it's not oh do you just for whatever reasons nefcy reasons selfish reasons cultural reasons you like or dislike this choice for marriage for your daughter or for your son you have to see what's in her best interest and that's what we guard that's what we as Wadi we guard we guard her best interest now there's a certain level of conflict of interest because we're the parent and sometimes you know a parent couldn't be we have a couple of people in the medical professionals here yeah no there's one brother okay if you're a surgeon should you operate on your relative if you're a lawyer should you take you know you can't be a jury on somebody that's really they look for these conflicts of interest there's things in the government you know there's always conflict of interest so at one level there's a certain level of conflict of interest that you're the parent but at the same time the thing that outweighs is that you have more care and concern for this person or we should have that for the betterment of her state that when a situation comes we can put aside the conflict of interest which here's the conflict of interest my nefs my own personal reasons for liking or disliking the situation and hey I'm your father I'm the Wadi Bidder Wadi Dain I'm the Wadi Dain and now I'm going that's the conflict of interest so that's what we have to put to the side and we have to say I'm gonna put to the side my nefs and I'm gonna put aside my possible cultural reasons for disliking or liking something and say what is in her best interest and so if a person comes to propose to our daughter and we see that it's in her best interest as the Wadi we do not have the right to prevent that that's what the Wadi does he has to ensure that that he only lets in what's beneficial to her but once that situation comes then he cannot stop it and according to the Hadith of the Messenger of Allah he said that if a person who you accept their dean proposes to your daughter and you reject it what will happen? chaos chaos in the land corruption in the land and that's what we have that's what we have a lot of times because the parents are getting so involved in their son's choices of marriage they're getting too involved in their daughter's choices of marriage and now we have people that don't even get married because of all this the Haram is right outside our doors brothers and sisters it's right outside our doors it's on the phones and then we're gonna sit here and we're gonna say 2019 oh no no not this one okay now she's 21 24 25 35 36 39 what's going on so we have to take all of those things into consideration if the father prevents a good situation he actually has a new term he's no longer in the wedding he's a mu'adid according to the Fouqaha he gets a new title the title is mu'adid which means a preventer of something good and so if the daughter now gets another proposal and the father rejects it she can go to the Badi or a group of Muslims who fulfill the position of the Badi and she can have them marry her in their place they become the way they can look at the situation and say is this a beneficial situation or not so we shouldn't think that just because we're the Badi biologically that it's absolute no it's a position with the specific requirements we're there to make to protect her and make sure that we facilitate that if we prevent it we're now giving up our rely on rights she can either go off and get married on her own according to some of the Ulema or she gets another wedding from amongst the Muslims of the community now I'm not giving this as implemental advice it should have everything if a person is in that situation they should always see consultation of that but it's also important to know because in this context we're talking about rights of parents respect of parents obeying of parents and this is in a lot of families where it comes to head the daughter's like this is what I want or the son says this is what I want and now the parents are preventing and they're siding they don't want any you have to respect me remember you were at the halak you study the book you listen to the lectures it says no no that's not where that's not where that's not where the rule goes into it so for also for the for telling the daughter to divorce we had a discussion about the Ulema had to discuss this because that hadith exists that the prophet told Abdullah the son of Omar to divorce his wife and so we have to discuss that we say can the parent tell the son and the majority part of us say no for the daughter there's no difference of opinion nobody can suggest divorce to the woman because one of the worst things that a person can do it's called the muqaddidak which he comes to a woman or if a person comes to a woman and says oh you know what your husband's not this and he's not you know basically he does what's what's up changes their opinion about staying in the marriage so that's one of the worst things that can happen so those are the the rules on obedience of parents I'll leave the last five minutes for questions I know I opened up a very very sensitive topic which is obedience as it relates to marriage but I think it's also something that we as a community should all know and realize because there's going to be situations where people come and ask or advice and they say you know what my daughter wants to get married and I don't want it and then you as a person who they're asking for advice you might have to bring some sense to the situation maybe maybe what he said his judgment is right maybe she thinks it's a good marriage and he and after a couple other people look at it says it's not there's situations where I've been called upon to look at a situation and I've looked at it and I said even though the woman wants to get married I said no no no this is not good for you but one of the ways that we can kind of balance that out is we get multiple people involved and so three or four or five people all independently look at that situation and say I don't think it's the best situation if we get four or five upstanding Muslims from our community men and women to look at a situation and they all agree with the parents but then in that situation most probably the parents are right so you might be part of that you might be part of that advisory committee and it's not necessarily something official it's something that people in the community come up to you and says my son wants to get married my daughter wants to get married I am refusing now you might have to be one of those people that looks in and this is not something that necessarily takes a lot of anymore knowledge it just thinks sincerity you have to look at the situation and you have to see is this beneficial for this person's being is this something that's good for them and if it is why are we stopping it some people might say young man wants to get married his parents say wait till you finish college and wait till you get a job and I don't want you to get married to do this and this and that right so even though they're not telling him don't get married essentially by putting up all these road blogs they're telling him don't get married if he comes around he's 21 and wants to get married he says I want to get married they're like no you need to finish college you need to get a job you need to be stable in your career it's very very problematic there's studies look this up jot it down on your phones it's called the FYI Institute Family Youth Institute right now on your phones just type it in Family Youth Institute and just put in FYI Islam it should come up if you type in FYI Islam this is a group out of Ohio is doing a lot of good work and they you should sign up for their newsletters as well you can sign up for their newsletters they send out very I think if you type in FYI Islam yeah so if you do a Google search for FYI Islam it'll come up there's it showing up for those of you that look the Family and Youth Institute they got a lot of resources to help families and one of the things they do is they do research about the status of Muslims young Muslims older Muslims and what's going on so one of the research they did was on on campuses they went out just a couple of years ago talked to Muslim youth on campuses today they talked about drug use alcohol use illicit relationships and so forth and all of these other things and do you know the percentage of the Muslim youth on campuses that are using drugs and alcohol percentatized and this is through published research data 20% 40 50 it's 50% so think of the Muslim now we're not talking about the Muslims who are coming to the masjid necessarily the Muslims it's not all Muslims somebody might start looking like you're talking about these the youth who are in the masjid they're in a different category we're talking about all of the Muslims who are on campus some of them some of their families don't even know where the masjid is right so it's all of the Muslims there's also the people who engage in Zina what's the percentage of that on campuses today this is again it's not hearsay oh semantic data this is like surveys research published data it's available on their website I'm a group what did you say? 60% 75% well it's actually a little lower than that so it's about 50 but they have it as a but that's still high that means one in every two Muslims on campus now these are the same Muslims they go back to their baba their mama their abu whatever the title is they're given then I don't want to get married no no no wait and this is the reality that's on our campuses so if a person is in this situation they come to me and they say I want to get married and my parents are telling me automatically I'm saying okay it's most probably irrational unreasonable but let's investigate let's speak to your parents let's see what is the actual and sometimes some of the concerns are valid and fair we have to ask but you might be in a situation where you might have to tell your friend or your cousin or your brother or your uncle hey let your daughter get married she wants to get married she wants to halal now you're going to prevent her from marrying a good Muslim man and expect corruption in the world so you know the hadid that I mentioned that the Prophet SAW said if you refuse suitable men to marry your daughters this includes the fathers the mothers the girls themselves because sometimes the girls refuse for unreasonable reasons if you refuse expect corruption in the earth and now we have the 50% of the system isn't that corruption we have 50% alcohol 50% zina 50% drugs I mean it's a bad situation and it's another reason why we need to have more programs not in the masjid we need field operations we need people who can go from the masjid into those campuses as volunteers so if any person ever gets a chance to volunteer at an MSA or if they're having an event or if they need speakers be involved in that somewhere because we need to have that that outreach into those communities I'll end with that I know it's 9 o'clock so let's pick up for the navigators but I'll stick around for about 5 minutes if there's any final questions because we hope it will be a very important topic oh yes yes so it is a similar context of the story of Ibrahim where he came to visit Ismail Ismail was in the valley of Becca and he came and Ismail was a hunter so he had gone out to hunt to provide for the family and Ibrahim asked he knocked on the door and it was Ismail's wife and he said Ismail he said no and she didn't know this and Ibrahim said how are things how are things going and she said oh it's really bad and everything's bad life is bad and the food is bad and he says okay just when Ismail comes back tell him Ibrahim Ibrahim Ibrahim Ibrahim Ibrahim Ibrahim yes there's that one Ibrahim Ibrahim let him change the Ibrahim is the door man right or the the first step yeah okay the first step tell him to change his door step and so when Ismail came back from hunting put down his bow then he said anything happened today he said yeah an old man came and he asked me how are things going what did you say this is what I said what did he say to you and he said change your door step he was like okay you have your door step and then another time he came back and he found the woman she said you know even though it was a harsh life she was like life is great husband is a great provider everything is great he said keep your when he came back tell him to keep his door step when he came back said anything went through and he said that was my father he told me that I should stay married to a reasonable situation I think a good correlation would be if somebody if somebody is thinking about divorce and they want that let's just say prophetic guidance and the shura and the consultation if they go to professional therapists and counselors who have seen multiple of these cases and they can look at that and they can say yeah this is a this is a difficult situation they can't the therapist of course can't tell the person to get a divorce but they can offer the insight maybe to see that this might be this is not necessarily a good situation so because sometimes as I mentioned before divorce is actually an obligation it's actually logic in the situation it's actually the better thing to do but how do we figure that out that has the process of like dissecting the situation was there a question about it? yes did the nasir alayhim did he come? oh okay I see so the question that there's an ayah about that Allah SWT says that the angels will descend upon them and give them that tidings does this happen at Yama al-Qiyano or definitely Dunya I'll have to check on that specifically any final questions about the divorce game or discussion? okay Subhanahu wa ta'ala wabarakatuh wabarakatuh wabarakatuh wabarakatuh