 So this weekend we watched a Netflix series called fake profile Didn't you call it a telenovela well, it takes place in in Las Vegas and Cartagena, Colombia, which is where my family is from and It's just you know It's a cheesy soap opera For those of you who may not know are there it telenovels or soap operas and But it was it was interesting. Well, by the way, it's called fake profile. What is it in Spanish? Profile false. Oh, yeah, but feel false. So Now why I'm sharing this with you It's about two people who meet on Tinder and it turns out to some degree each one of them has a fake profile And I thought this really would help leaning into this conversation We're gonna have today because the topic is five new questions You should ask a man in the early stages of dating now before I get into these five I want to share with you a video. I watched earlier today And it was a clip from Andrew Tate and if you're not familiar with Andrew Tate He is a very controversial person in the social or social media realm and He spoke and he has quite a bit of influence on men and he talks to men about how you need to you know, get a good job So you can be attractive to women work out So you can be attractive women and a lot of people are buying into his rhetoric So one thing he said was if you want to be happy You need to find a good woman and I thought wow, that's kind of interesting He said that and then his next sentence was and sleep with as many women as you possibly can Like I can help them find a great. No, no, but no, no, no But he's talking about have a good woman in your life and sleep with as many women as you possibly can Okay, so my point in bringing this up is There is a lot of advice out there ladies for men that are hearing it from other men that are Contradictory to the content that I share But it leans into what happened in this tell a novella because the guy was cheating on his wife Oh, I don't want to spoil it for anyone But really quickly he was cheating on his wife We find out he's married and it and it's really a cheesy sofa Yes, once you get hooked into it then you watch it and you're like, okay I don't want to say that it's not worth it But you know, I like seeing scenes of my homeland So, oh my god, there was all these great scenes of card and and I was there with you earlier this year and I was so excited to see everything and Again, why I'm bringing this up and why I'm bringing up Andrew Tate is I Believe that we have to do a better job of due diligence in the early stages of dating Now it's interesting because someone I admire and really respect Esther Perrell she wrote the book mating and captivity Recently I watched a clip a video clip of someone who was sharing her ex or her Esther Perrell's advice is the number one dating mistake is women asking too many questions on a date Hmm, and your complaint about me was I didn't ask enough Okay, so interestingly enough. Well, it wasn't a couple. Well, I didn't get that sense in those for early conversations Okay, so you were adopting the advice heard from others And yet here's something really critical and I want you to think about this The idea of that Esther Perrell was saying just have a good time on a date The person will naturally unfold who their character is over time But here's the problem with that just like the woman in Fake profile she got attached to a man who turned out to be a you know a cheater And so many things because she didn't a ask good questions in the early stages And I think it's critically important to get a sense is do you share the same values early on in which we did by the way What did we do on our second phone call? We unpack our whole lives, but do you remember that list of 16 questions? I sent you so you know He has a list of 16 questions, and I don't agree with them all but it was interesting because it was like an interview Okay, but you were willing to do it. Well, yeah, cuz I don't have anything to hide Are you like that guy that has a whole different life than what he's presenting? Okay, so you didn't have anything to hide, but you didn't have anything to lose either. I You know, I just wanted to hear what you had to say. Okay. Was it a turn-off? Was it a turn-off? No, a couple questions. I just didn't agree with but then my perspective on those questions You didn't agree with that led to you know a back-and-forth not a debate but discussing why he felt that way Okay, and how long was that second phone call between the two of us? Like four hours. It was four hours long My point is is I shared the important questions and these are things I teach in my private coaching So folks if you need some support in your life to fix your broken man picker Which a lot of women have check out the link below to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you Why I'm sharing this is Okay, let's say it was reversed you were asking me these questions Well, I would have loved it because I appreciate the opportunity to open up. Let's talk about other men Who aren't willing to open up? They're like, hey, can't why do we have to make this interview? Why can't we just have a good time? Well, the problem is just like the woman in the show you can get attached To the wrong person and we have to do a better due Gilligence in the early stages of dating before you even I prefer like what Marie and I did if before you meet someone is Ask those deeper questions well in advance So then if you realize that you know, you're on the opposite ends of politics You're on the opposite ends of of religion You're on the opposite ends of having a family or you're at the opposite ends of marriage Whatever that is know that before you meet someone so you don't waste your time Okay, good. Yeah. All right, so we're gonna dive into those five new questions You should ask a man in the early stages of dating when I mean by new questions It's simply I'm introducing this in a way because most people aren't talking at least most of my Contemporaries and the other rhetoric you have out there aren't talking about the five questions I'm sharing with you today. So the first question relates to this telenovela Okay, and I want you to say I want you to recognize these are questions you ask of yourself These aren't questions you ask of men. I want you to ask these questions of yourself So the first question is is he real? That that I think should be the number one question. Yeah, is this okay? So you've just connected with someone on your dating app and all you have is the first name Jonathan, right? And you know nothing about this person I think you have every right to request their last name do a background check verify their photographs with other photographs see their their Social media footprint Because the minute you invest on a first date with someone and you kiss them or connect with them you Might get a tiny bit attached. So find out if this person is real. What are your thoughts on that? Oh, absolutely I always did like not you know not like a formal background check But I did you know look around and stuff and at times if I was gonna meet someone then I would do you know You can pay $19 or something like that for a month and just then I would do background checks for a whole month if I was But would you ask their last name Maybe you know, I don't know that if I did every time but look I wouldn't do that until I've already agreed to meet them Okay, so if you agreed to meet them that would be a request of yours to get their last name Yes, okay Yes, it would be and then if they don't want to give it to you then it's a red flag Say that one more time a little bit louder If they don't want to tell you who they really are then it's a red flag to me now in this this show that we saw The guy is giving all this information and he's he is a real person But that person is just not him Yeah, he used the name and photograph of someone different by the way folks Can I tell you my photograph gets stolen? Habitually in the dating realm and so you may not realize it but people go Jonathan. I see you on the dating sites I'm like I have took my dating app off since we met and it's because there are a lot of scam artists But what I mean about real too is not you know in the case of the show of Someone cheating on their spouse or something like that or a scammer It's to get a sense of who this person is because the minute you invest even a moment of your time You have the potential of getting hooked So my first request is you ask yourself from this day forward is this person real? Okay, number two is He kind is he kind what what comes to mind when you think of is he kind? Well, that's that's something that I always look for how kind someone is but you know, I just thought of something Okay, I remember when the whole Markle, what's her name? Megan Markle Megan Markle Megan Markle and Prince Harry whether you're a friend or not it doesn't matter but One of the questions she asked when someone was setting her up is I don't care if he's a prince Is he a nice guy? Yeah, and and I thought you know, that's important. It doesn't matter what position or You know, if you're really looking for a good relationship, you want a good person. Yeah, you know emotional maturity kindness Empathy these are really important things to be paying attention to I think a lot of people in the dating rhetoric Focus on how tall the man is or or you know, what I'm guilty of that. Yeah, you're guilty of that Okay, but there is this Superficial way of looking at people, you know, how much money they have how tall are they do they have hair? You know, do they have a beer got whatever it is for and vice versa men are equally as critical of women I'm sure you've been rejected a few times in your life. Yeah, maybe once based on Okay, and so we reject and yet can I share with you this woman standing beside me or sitting next to me as one of the kindest sweetest loving compassionate people whom I've ever met in my life, honey, and And Mind you, I wouldn't have figured that out on a first date, but I paid attention to your actions I paid attention to how she Communicated with me. There are a lot of clues to kindness how they treat weight staff is a good example of that Do they get frustrated in traffic? These are little signs to demonstrate someone's emotional maturity and kindness do anything to add I was thinking that traffic people that have road rage and it's funny because some people don't even They're nice and then suddenly they get behind the wheel and they're just so aggressive I did date someone that that was the biggest turnoff for me you know, I know people in my life that have rage issues and it's and whether That's a reflection of kindness. I certainly worry about Those people blowing a gasket, you know, they are they hotheads and do they lose that capacity to be kind? Okay, number three now man. Remember these are questions you ask of yourself. Okay This one's a biggie. Is he in a relationship with somebody else? Okay, or Or we as you were what was the one you were talking about earlier? The question it's the reverse of that. Does anyone? Oh, is there Someone out there that believes they're in a relationship with you. That is a question that I Asked because of something that happened, you know, some people say, oh, no, I'm not in a relationship But then there's a girl out there that thinks that it's her boyfriend So, you know, here's where a guy could play kind of dumb and you know kind of avoid that question or deny it All together that's certainly possible. But my point is is coming back to is he real? checking out their social media footprint checking out a little bit of their life before you give your heart to someone now Here's the tricky part these days many people are doing what's called circular dating there or Duty dating meaning that they're dating multiple people at the same time Now I'm a big proponent Do as many meet-and-greets as you want in any given week, you know the first time you meet someone It's not a date the second time you meet them It's a date and if you see them a third or a second third or fourth time you begin dating Okay, what I mean is you're beginning to date you're beginning to get to know one another but there's no Exclusivity well, I'm a big proponent of dating only one person at a time I don't like the the confusion. I don't like the the you know the Here's another thing if you're dating multiple people at the same time, and I'm dating multiple people at the same time How do we even connect to get a date? You know to see each other a couple times in a week if everybody's out dating all these other people You know, we've talked about this before there are some men and someone that I know personally that he would not commit to anybody He just had Monday girls Tuesday girls Thursday And so on and the ones he really liked then he would sacrifice a Saturday with her. Did you say sacrifice? Not reserved he would sacrifice a Saturday and yeah, that's not the kind of person I would want to date Okay, so if I was giving advice to the women he was dating, what would I tell him? Next I tell them next okay, and by the way, I oftentimes think if I'm giving advice to your daughter Which I oftentimes do you know I do it from a place at least my coaching is from a place of love and care and an understanding that we are living in a dysfunctional world For us of us that for those of us that are in midlife Yeah, it's different from when people were younger like I didn't date a lot when it was younger So I made it even harder But coming back to this question is that does anyone think they're in a relationship with you? the point is is Recognizing that if you're going to devote time to someone you'd like to get a sense of where is their mindset in this and again, it's quite possible that the person may Not be forthright with you may not be transparent with you but guess what the more you like a like a detective in Interrogating a we watch all those crime shows that interrogates a criminal You know the more you ask people slip up remember that the more good questions you ask they slip up I have something to say. Okay lies are Easy to forget the truth is the truth So when people give you different answers, that is a great way to tell if this person is being honest That is true. By the way, Eleanor just really quickly. I want to give a shout out Marie You are more relaxed doing these videos with Jonathan. Oh, thank you. Thank you for that. Okay number four Does he have good relationship skills does he have good relationship skills? That's not something you can find out on a first date. That's what I was thinking How do you know this? Well? I think this is where my coaching comes in by by going these deeper questions in the surface Like one question is, you know What was the cause of the ending of your last relationship or your most significant relationship in the way? They describe that to you you can if you're learned if you've learned some intuitive skills like what I teach for my clients You can tell the ones that throw the other person under the bus and take no ownership on their part That's a red flag that is a gigantic glaring red flag because we all Have a part to play in our relationship endings And so these are just some little things again I teach this in my coaching, but I want to invite everyone to remember does he have good relationship skills is a critical factor? So coming back to that influencer. I was talking about it's a lot of content out there is talks about the importance of Attraction what to do to attract a partner. I'm here to espouse A different narrative. It's not about attracting a partner. It's about being with a competent person It's about being with someone who genuinely wants what you want and most importantly when I mean competent Are they competent enough to be in a relationship? Yeah, but it also goes the other way too. Okay, are you yourself? Ready for a relationship, but are you competent? You know, you have to be ready yourself if you expect that of another person, you know This one of the things I recognize when I work with a client, I'd say Most every client thinks I'm ready for a relationship. I'm ready for a relationship I'm ready for a relationship and they go through this proprietary program I created and I want to say a third of them go. Oh I'm not really ready for a relationship. I've got more work to do even though their ego said I am so perfect for a relationship It requires this work requires doing introspective work because just because you want someone who's capable You also have to be in that same venue as well Okay, and last but not least the question you want to be thinking about is What kind of relationship is he looking for? What kind of relationship is he looking for well It's your job to figure that out because most men aren't gonna tell you and you have to be I think you have to be cautious because they might tell you what they think you want to hear. Yeah, so Here's the thing. Let's talk about a couple types of relationships. There's something called a Situation ship you have no idea what's going on. That's why it's called a situation ship You're engaging in interacting with another human being which usually includes kissing and sex, okay? I'm putting those two in the same category without any understanding of what this relationship is about And there are friends with benefits a lot of times even those are similar to situations ships Then there are casual relationships. The relationship isn't defined. Someone might say let's take it slow Take it slow and in that there is an uncertainty. However, it's casual in that there's semi-implied Monogamy and exclusivity It's it's semi-implied or it might even be implied, but it's still casual for my audience I'm here to encourage the only type of relationship. I want you all to have is a serious relationship That leads to either moving in together or getting married with someone the thing is at the end of the day Well, let me ask you would you want to invest time in a relationship that goes nowhere? Well, we've all made those mistakes, too, and it's sometimes you're in it and you don't know until you're in it Okay, but going in consciously with our relationship and you took a big leap of faith to move here I'm hoping it was serious for you. Yeah, no, but I'm thinking about like I know the person I knew before Yeah, and it's just I Yes, he told me that he wants He's dating with a purpose and he gave me all the right answers But then after the fourth or fifth date, it's like, yeah, but I really want to take it slow and that left me confused So one way so one way to for lack of a better word combat that is to establish your standards early on I'm giving example. I did with Marie Even though we had distance I told her right up front the kind of relationship I was looking for is where we spend three or four days and nights a week together During shared activities hobbies mutual interest trap a spending time with friends Traveling teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that led to either moving in together Getting married So my point is is that was my standard Now we had distance involved So we navigated that but the standard was regular consistent time together Yeah, we had distance, but we We saw each other a lot before shoot our first hundred days. We saw each other 45 of those days So so yeah for being in Chicago and him in LA it was my point is is Establish your standard and see if he meets your standard or even desires your standard That's a way to ask answer that question. So I hope you appreciated these five new questions You should be asking a man in this early stage of dating I'm just gonna repeat them really quickly for everyone. Number one. Is he real? These are questions you ask yourself. That's the most important. Yeah, number two. Is he kind or let's take that next Step further. Is he kind to you? He could be kind to others, but is he kind to you? Okay, number three. Is he in a relationship with someone else in a relationship with another? number four does he have good relationship skills and number five and What kind of relationship is he looking for? This is my invitation for all of you to indoctrinate this in your dating life in your relationship life Because it will save you a lot of time and frustration And if you need some support with that in the link below schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with The coach is right for you. All right, those who know our format know it's time for q&a If you have a question write the word question then post the question thereafter Or you can hit the little dollar sign in the chat box and you can hit Purchase a super sticker or super chat all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my Son Conor Asley. That's a picture of him right there in the obey obey shirt with his brother He's my son who passed away almost five years ago in his honor We donate to causes like the Hoffman process inside institute and seeds of love an orphanage for um Terminal children whose parents have abandoned them. Yeah Because they couldn't care for them and there's a lady that runs this beautiful organization that helps children and Takes care of them until their time comes and she's uh Our our connection there is traveling to cartagena soon and we're going to be sending them some money I think we've already got 250 dollars collected from you all so thank you so much All right. I saw a couple questions come in here. We go from Pam Question had to tell you met a man met a guy in person pretty much interrogated him He said it intrigued him the questions. He thought your voice was going to come out of me found a big wait he Ha thought your voice was come was coming out. I think she met my voice. Yeah Uh found a big red flag no go Well, he said it intrigued him so What's the red flag? Yeah, I'm curious, uh, Pam. What's the red flag? Okay, so I will tell you many of my clients purport to me that um, the these For lack of better word interrogation questions is our landing on men. In other words, they're that when I say landing They're actually appreciating the opportunity to create dialogue about things that they didn't think about So even when we had this four-hour conversation Yeah You you could have rejected me because oh my god. This guy's interrogating me Well, I mean to me it wouldn't I wouldn't have rejected you I just wanted to know why you thought the way you thought and on the questions I asked But we were getting to know each other. That's what this is all about folks You can't get to know someone without asking questions. It's just asinine to me And it doesn't mean that you have to believe everything they believe Because that creates a dialogue then Well, just remember what I oftentimes say today's dating is so superficial. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day You guys if you really want to step up your game Start to be more curious and again, it's not an interrogation. It is simply a conversation All right, Pam. Thank you for that. And if you have something more to add, please let us know All right um Let's talk about it says so many results in Situationships only one guy I met brought up his intentions to commit And he even ordered a pack Any even ordered a pack of deep questions card off of amazon for our second date. Well, that's great Okay, I I get I get it. Look at I know it's only one guy, but Guess what? All it takes is one guy. You don't need to date everybody. All it takes is one guy All right, so that guy. Yeah Tate says what are some what are some people Me attracted to men who give mixed signals take things like I'm not looking for a relationship as a personal challenge to change Is mine? Why do women do that? Oh, do you mind answering that one? Well, I don't know why I want to turn that out for a second. So keep talking I don't know why women do that but for me someone that's telling you they don't want a relationship then Then they're not aligned with I would have wanted so I would just move on Sometimes those guys will come back because it's still a challenge for them to see if they know She's saying why would a woman see that as a challenge? Well, that's what I think is not a good thing if they tell you have to believe what they tell you Don't think that. Oh, I'm so wonderful that they're going to change their mind. No, don't waste your time with men like that I think there's this inherent need to want to be liked and to be loved And in that why they take it on as a challenge, Tay-Tay It's because there's a little kid inside of them that see something in this other person that says I like this person And in that liking just like when I had it remember we were talking about our first crush Oh, yeah, you know, I think of my first crush, you know I wanted her to like me and I did all these things on the peripheral around You know like doing things like you know putting notes in lockers or whatever not that I actually did that I'm using that as a metaphor Is that we want to be liked And so the challenge is that we feel we there's there's a almost a desperate need within that person that takes it on And it's honestly a lack of Self-worth self-esteem self-confidence self-reliance or as I talk about in my book What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work by the way There's a link below to get a copy of my book Sadly it's a distressing lack of self-love that takes on that challenge It's actually directing all your affections on the other person and not putting a mirror up and saying I love you A wise person said to me once self-worth is like a revolving door This is the person who said it by the way And that's a really profound statement for many people their self-worth is going around in a circle Sometimes entering the building and then exiting the building and the invitation Is to make it a doorway where you just walk in And self-accept that you're going to be okay no matter what so I send you a lot of love tete if this is you that was sharing that So thank you You like that one? Yeah And by the way, that was a beautiful quote you shared yesterday Folks we had the pleasure of hosting a retreat for three couples Um And in that retreat the the you have to say these men are really stellar human beings. Oh, absolutely These are women who are stellar human beings. Actually in these cases. This is married couples They met organically. We're the only one who met online. Yeah, and um my the women are fantastic women And it was an opportunity to connect in a way That oftentimes very few couples get to do And my point in bringing this up is ladies, I know you feel frustrated. There are no good men out there I would think that after witnessing my circle of friends, you recognize there are good men out there. Um Don't give up on that. I know it can be rather distressing the dating realm the dating marketplace there's a lot of people that Might unconsciously hurt you. I think hurt people hurt people non intentional And so when we can actually hold the space of loving ourselves I'm just piggybacking on the original comment. I was making We can actually become a magnetic attractor for someone special in our life And I believe that you and I did that for each other No Thank you. All right. Let's see what karman has to say Can you ask too many questions? My boyfriend doesn't like answering questions Especially if I seem to be asking them in a series and they don't come out organically in a conversation You know I know you have a thought and I know where you're going to go, but can I say mine first? Okay, go ahead Here's the thing I'm a big believer of speaking your truth do it with kindness and I also believe If you're speaking sincere and from the heart you really can't say the wrong thing to the right person however If it's coming from a needy place you can overwhelm someone That overwhelm might cause an uncomfortableness to the other person And while it's important to always get our needs met, you know Or at least make bids for a request from our partner And you were talking about asking questions But I think really what you're really diving into is the need for connection the need for validation the need for appreciation The need for I just want to be cradled We all have that some people have a harder time giving but it doesn't mean that they're incapable of it Do you have a thought? I know I'd be probably I'll go ahead. Well I'm not a words person And dating in the beginning dating a dating coach Was not the easiest thing because it took me out of my box because I wasn't used to getting asked all these questions But I understood where he was coming from and You know asking you need to ask the questions By the way, I took that question down a different rabbit hole. You actually were addressing it the way it was meant to be addressed Um, so just recognize when you're with the right person just like I don't think even though I might have overwhelmed you on that second phone call You're the right person. So you didn't run away Only the wrong person runs away from too many questions. I just told my people my He's exhausting And yet you're still in it Here I am. Here you guys we always say and here we are All right. Thank you. Carmen Hey, I want to thank jone for the dollar 99 super sticker. We really appreciate Okay, autumn says what is the difference between interpreting your intuition and red flags and fear when it comes to a new relationship? I love this question, autumn Okay Your intuition speaks to you from a calm place Okay, fear speaks to you and like And when fear comes up there is usually an anxiety associated with it When it's intuition You're just kind of indifferent about it. You're you're kind of like oh, that's kind of and you might be simply curious You might go oh, that's kind of curious. I see something Hmm. Let me find out a little bit more. I'm sure you've had that happen You've met someone and you know, I I'm thinking back Sometimes you talk to people on the phone and your intuition tells you that this isn't Really right for me, but they seem nice enough and you're like, okay. I'll just do the meet and greet and Most of the time that that happened I was right. Yeah, you know like met hinge. Okay You know, I knew this guy seemed like he just likes a player, you know He's always sending me messages from different restaurants picture of the place. He was at And I thought okay. Well, maybe he's just fun and he likes doing this So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and then I realized no this guy is a player and this isn't for me nicest could be I had a great time but move on so Much like you I had over a period of time in my because I by the way folks I believe the first phone call is the first date. Okay That's actually that's what I call the first date and then you have a meet and greet Yeah, you have a date then you have a meet and greet because that doesn't count as a date It's just it's an actually it's your interrogation in your interview You need to be doing this before you meet someone Okay, so you have the meet and greet which is in the date and then you have your real first date after that Okay, I can't tell you how many times my intuition was screaming screaming Cancel this date cancel this date cancel this date But I'm a people pleaser and I wouldn't cancel the date and I would say every single time You were miserable. It was miserable now Could I have brought that energy to it? possibly At the same time I always went in with a happy smile, you know And I went in with good graces and I was open to the experience Until I realized that you know my intuition is right So when I had that inkling, you know on the phone, you know, something's not right I didn't meet them And guess what? I don't know if I was right or wrong, but it didn't matter because I'm at the right person at the right time So, okay Joan has a little shout out Your videos have helped me so much met a wonderful man who I've interrogated and asked to read eight dates with me And he's the one reminding me to study together Folks I am so happy to hear that Okay, you're not gonna like what I'm gonna say Folks before the Why don't you say it? Why don't you say it? You started them beside it. All right. Just mimic my words when I say it before the penis goes inside the vagina Read the book eight dates and read chapter one with the guide before this happens This is all about trust and commitment Folks, there's a link below to get all the books. I recommend This is an imperative. Now Marie didn't read this. I was just gonna say I didn't read the book However, I am a walking Version of that book. Okay. We did much of that book before we ever met I'm a big proponent and folks. I can't begin to tell you how many women come to me saying Jonathan The men are loving the conversations. They actually appreciate the deeper dialogue You know, most men are not bad guys. They're just clueless They're winging it And so when you offer a little bit men love directions Not only do they love directions men like when the woman takes charge and asks things That gives them a conversation piece something to talk about Not just i'm looking for a relationship. I want to be serious. I went. Well, what does that mean to you? And this helps kind of Exactly clear the way and when I say men like directions, I want to be clear about something They're not necessarily all the best with, you know, thomas brother guide kind of directions But I mean to say is when it comes to relationships You ladies have way more power in your hands than you actually realize, you know Sitting back in your feminine energy waiting to be claimed Recognize this you are in charge of your relationship destiny. You can guide The guy down the path you want. You just need to be a little bit strategic about it So read the books hire me as a coach. This will help you get oh, by the way, I just gotta I just oh, I don't have time to find it. I just got two clients last week One got engaged one who both of them worked with me a year ago One is officially engaged going to be married in in eight months The other one is I mean for the first time experiencing like the best relationship She's ever had and they attributed to my work. So I'm really happy about that. I'll post the testimonials later All right, let's keep going here All right zen gal writes Suppose to spend 17 days at a festival with my boyfriend. I didn't care for the festival and left after eight days He is still there. I thought it shared I thought it shared I thought it was a shared hobby. Oh, I thought I thought it was a shared hobby, but it wasn't for me thoughts You know 17 days at a festival is a long time and we did that cruise for 15 days and I was ready to go after 10 Not ready to leave you but um Whereas you could probably go on a cruise for a month and be fine. Oh gosh. I've been on 34 day cruises Okay, so so it probably Is not that the two of you are a mismatch and that you didn't share this hobby Um, but doing something like that can be pretty intense and not everybody jibes with each other Well, that's not what I mean to say is see I don't think just because they want to do the 17 day thing That you should that you should want to do the same thing. It's okay to have different interests Yeah, and it's okay to go for eight of those days and going home. You know 11 days is a lot. You did that. That's great No, she did eight days. Oh eight days. Okay. Well, that's great. Yeah, I think I don't think I I've been to jazz festivals and different things. I can't imagine doing more than eight days I mean to me maybe four a weekend long weekend so um So marie is a seasoned traveler and she loves to travel and do things But I think you don't like being stuck in one place for too many days Yeah, that's pretty true. So being in a festival for 17 days might even be Yeah, so we're on your side with this one zen gal and hopefully you guys parted and very amicably I don't mean you broke up but you parted in that From a place of expressing how much you appreciate the festival how this isn't your jam Would you appreciate if I take a break from this and and you know, we let him enjoy it Yeah, because if that's his thing then let him enjoy it. Yeah. Now imagine a 17 day fishing trip Oh, no And if it has to do with camping it better have you know, like a tented bed and Thank you for that zen gal. We appreciate it All right. Hey genie's in the house. She's from our group midlife love mastery By the way, there's a link below to join my private group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis We also have a facebook page genie's one of our sweet members in the group. Thanks for joining us All right All right, I'm gonna butcher your name again, and I know you sent it to me, but I don't recall it failin I'm saying You're providing a much needed format for our generation who first dated in less assertive Social design today's dating stages rot with hurdles that have accumulated since dating in the 1976 Do you remember 1976 the bison tenial? Yeah. Oh god. I forgot about that. Yeah It was the bison tenial. It was a big deal. We were in high school at that time. You and I and uh, not the same high school, but um Did you date in high school? No. Okay. Well, okay. Yes, I did but I wasn't allowed to date so You know it was a school at school or I was sharing with marie over our retreat this last weekend. We had an opportunity to share our stories about our first crush And how that affected it by the way the the process that we did was Who was your first crush and how did that experience affect your life later on? And I don't think you've got a chance to really get into not that I wanted to but it wasn't it was Yeah, but I shared mine and it was interesting how I didn't date in high school. I mean I liked girls and the girls I liked they didn't like me and the girls that like me I didn't like them, you know, and I remember first dances like going to a school dance Oh my god. I was scared to death. I mean, I was petrified. In fact, um I used to avoid school dances Yeah, I didn't go I wasn't allowed to do a lot of things That was what well, I'm thinking of the middle school period of time and my friends had to Kidnap me and bring me To the auditorium one day because I was so scared to death I was petrified And then I watched my son go to school dances And it was so cutie got dressed up and everything and I'm like I'm remembering my own experience Dating was such a different, you know experience compared to today, you know our generation of kids You know well two of your kids met on a dating site and they got married to them Um So anyway, uh, thank you for your kind comments about our content, you know for me and junior high it was just walking towards Knowing that your crush is going to be in this hallway just to walk past them and say hi Exactly It was like oh, I got to say hi to him Okay Pixie has a question for you Well, actually it's for me. Did Marie initiate any dates getting together? Was it mutual or was it mostly Jonathan who plans seeing each other? Well, when he first came to Chicago, he just told me to pick a place and I picked the place and Yeah, so that's that's where we met It was kind of like a restaurant bar and a really beautiful view by the river Yeah, it was a great day. We were at the restaurant. I think we closed the place down We were just going to have a couple drinks and you know, we ended up having dinner and everything close the place down Then our second date technically was uh, I was desperately wanted a date for the wedding I was uh officiating or attending and you know, I made my overtures. Please come Do you mind being a last-minute guest and she she reluctantly? Well, she said no at first no and then I begged and played and she said yes or that was our second date What was interesting to piggyback on this question We talked about seeing each other in Los Angeles um In two weeks. Well first we talked about it Well, I knew I was coming in two. Okay, but I remember specifically You had said so we spoke on the phone the monday at evening after I returned home on sunday and she said i'm looking for flights and Like I don't know if you know this but I was like my little kid inside me said yes She wants to see me, you know Now mind you she was coming out to visit her daughter and her son and celebrate her birthday here with some dear friends But when I heard she's already looking for tickets and planning to meet me my little kid was like yes So in our particular case from that moment on from that period on we planned everything together It was a co-creative experience Let me say this one more time. I want everyone to write down the words co-creative in other words We created this relationship because we mutually invested in this relationship It wasn't the you know guy plans everything and picks everything. It wasn't like she was you know Um sitting in her feminine energy, you know, we co-created this relationship So when we actually she visited for the first time, you know the invitation I actually said what do you want to do and when you said it we did it? So we both invest in this relationship and it's been Exactly that even till shooting this video right now So I when I came here, you know, I really didn't want to waste time and in like dating the traditional way going to a restaurant sitting there because I figured we did that we did a I went to that wedding with him. I just wanted just something simple and let's you know, let's get to know each other So that was more important to me than than planning something. Yeah And the rest is history. All right, donna. Thank you for your question. By the way, donna has a question Had a horrible experience of having someone lift my photos write a profile in my name and posted it on lgbt site Been rejected because no one believes that I didn't do this thoughts Oh, wow, that's a tough one So I've been told that my pictures were taken and used in somebody else's profile Um, I never saw it. It was just someone that told me that but I still felt violated Yeah, and yours happens all the time. Oh, yeah, it happens every day of the week. Um, and I'm being very sincere So been rejected because no one believes that I didn't do this. So why are they in those sites? How would they know that that would be my question? Yeah, I'm a little confused on that if you're dating traditionally in the heterosexual realm So here so my suspicion is she is sharing this story with someone and they don't believe them Okay, so here's my thoughts I suspect this might have happened once or twice to you be careful Creating a narrative that no one believes that I didn't do this. Okay, so if one or two people Don't represent the eight billion people on this planet donna. So I'm being a little bit tough on you here number two It's just a reflection of a closed mind. It's a it's a very narrow way of thinking not to believe you Everybody has the right to their own perspective on things. Okay well my the way I would look at it is they It's not your job to make them believe you I the way I would handle it is say this is what happened and if they don't believe you then You can't do anything about it. You can't talk them into believing you. Yeah, there's a simple word for that any xt Next okay, but donna be very careful because when I read the word no one believes me We believe you so if we believe you and everyone in this channel believes you it's not that no one believes you So be very careful stay in your power. Yes you explain it And if that's not good enough for them, well, then you're the one that has to say, you know This is what happened and that's it. Yeah, and you need to move on if they do not accept your your explanation Well said, baby All right. Thank you donna Holly wants to remind us before the p goes in the vg Vg vg p read the book way man amen to that By the way folks if you want to check it out Really quickly jonathan asley.com forward slash book hyphen recommendations Those are my book recommendations. Okay, let's keep going here Oh, michelle wrote A diamond strolled into my work and asked me out. Well, yay Thank you for the dollar nine nine suit crew sticker. We really appreciate Um michelle also wants to add don't give up hope on meeting a man organically folks. I'm a big listen online dating happens to represent or Let's talk it connecting via the internet in all the different forms whether it's a great tool Because we would never know we wouldn't have never met and it now is going to represent 60 If not 70 of all new relationships going into the end of this decade. So with that said I'm still a big believer of every spoke in the wheel now meeting people organically is incredibly difficult Because you don't know their status. So how do you do it? You put yourself out there to be seen by single eligible men And there's a variety of ways of doing that and reach out to me to schedule a discovery call To see if working with a coach is right for you. All right, let's keep going. Donna wants to give us a big thank you You're very welcome Oneness says question, but there's no question question Uh t davis goes back to donna's comment or question. Yes a reflection of a closed mind and immaturity Yes, okay. Here's one this What about all the guys who right away the first conversation like to call a woman names like swede and bae? Oh I'm guilty of that that Well, I it wasn't sweetie. Well, no So there was a guy that wrote to me and I had two of my you know adult children in the car and I read it to my son And he said mom you're not gonna respond to that Are you and it was you know baby doll? He called me baby doll and it just it didn't sit right So to the extent that that's a lack of boundaries, which rebecca just commented on I I want to say I'm a product of so to some degree I'm a product of the baby boom generation my father Often with the women he worked with had terms of endearment For women and I had a propensity to do that. It's just it's uh sometimes it's an unconscious uh response to you know Maybe not expressing someone's name Um now leaf goes on to say it's narcissistic and toxic. I don't believe it's that because I am certainly Um, I don't want to use the word guilty of it, but I'm certainly have had done that Okay, and I'm sure I did that even with you early on before it was warranted No, I don't think so. I don't think so, but that one in particular was This guy that I've never spoken to and just hey baby doll. What are you doing tonight? I I know get well for some people to turn off. I I'm and I didn't go to that extent, but someone did make a comment It makes it sound like they don't have the remember a woman's name and just a group of them all together Okay, or no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry or wait. Are you kidding me off? Yes, I am because they don't know They don't want to say a name in case they make a mistake Exactly That's exactly what I was gonna say I don't know how many times I've done that because you meet someone for the first time and for whatever reason It just doesn't register and you and I are both poor at remembering names So it's easier to use the one size fits all sweetie or babe and I wouldn't say babe Or I would certainly say sweetie or something like that. But anyway, um, I can understand it By the way, I'm merely here to say doesn't make them bad human beings because I am certainly I have done it and I hope I'm not a bad human being it just makes him human Okay, so fia has a part one in part two to her question How can I best protect my time while getting to know multiple men at once? I'm not doing anything with them including kissing want to make sure that I go exclusive with the best match Also, I don't want to spend hours on the phone per night want to spend more time connecting with them on dates Thank you for any input I think you're doing the right thing But it's okay to see Different people. I mean, I don't know if you're going on multiple dates. I never did that I I like just one at a time except for when I met you I was I was kind of in a relationship Um, but I think it's a good idea to you're in a situation ship Yeah, and he he was the one who put you in that box. So I merely said there was a Really quickly just because I opened up this pandora's box There was someone who was that you were spending time with but he was very unclear of his intentions By the way, I'm very grateful that he was unclear of his intentions because I could sweep in with my intentions And she's like I'd rather be with someone who's intentional with that said sherifa You asked about how to best protect my time and protect your heart One is is to date with non attachment Okay to date with non attachment that gets tricky when you begin to like someone now Here's the challenge of meeting multiple men at the same time and not spending a lot of time at the phone You're only getting the highlight reel with each man So now you've got three men out one week three men the next week All you got was the highlight reels and then you're kind of like well, which one did I like the most this night? You're trying to remember what you said it can get rather convoluted. I'm a big proponent if you Invest take three weeks out of your life see someone three or four times in that period of time And then make a decision and do that if it doesn't work do that with the next one the next one Now remember my rule of thumb is The first phone call I called it the first date, but it's the interview The first date is the meet and greet By the time you meet them a second time That's a date if you begin to date someone more than two or three times To vote your time to them to see if it's worthy of entering into a relationship with them Because if you're doing the same thing with multiple men That's I believe it's a recipe for disaster I just for me. I just couldn't focus on On multiple people Well, again when you're getting these highlight reels You can find yourself getting attached to someone Because you miss you you're not paying you're you're not paying attention to the clues because you're so overwhelmed with all of these prospects Okay, work on the prospects worth Working with and again if you need help with that Scheduled discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you And I'm grateful that you weren't one of those not that there's anything wrong with that All right, will you actually help me write the text message? Oh, yeah, you want to say that publicly? I don't care Okay, well you tell him No, let me tell what happened. Okay so The man who was engaged in a connection with you Um Recognize that she was distant and so I witnessed Marie sending a text message to this person And it was so effing annoying folks to watch Marie text message. It's like this like this like this I mean, she holds a phone like this. It's painful to watch and I can use my thumbs So I said let me grab the phone. I'll send the text message to him But at that point we'd already agreed to explore our relationship So it and so he wrote he wrote a really nice message Kind of a goodbye message Um by the way, you know Interestingly enough and we just shared something very vulnerable to our community That could be used against us You know people could judge that they can make assumptions about it Every experience is unique to your own not one size doesn't fit all this isn't dating is a very complicated dysfunctional way of connecting with people Why am why do I scream at the top of my lungs to encourage people to be intentional? So they don't find them in selves in situations ships You were confused because he was Unassertive unintentional and you were and because of that you it lack it basically He lost an opportunity with you. Right. He was a really good man um What jonathan helped me with is the wording of some because I something uncomfortable. I didn't want to Hurt him or anything. I just wanted to be honest and clear and I no longer going to be able to see you and It was a very nice message and I was very appreciative that you wrote Well, you appreciate my words. So see i'm a words person and you appreciate it All right lulu writes and by the way folks if you feel the need to attack us for that one give it your best shot Okay, we're not going to lose sleep over it All right. I met a guy from Atlanta. I live in california. He wants to come see me It's been a month and a half of talking on the phone. I'm not sure if it's too soon or should I wait a bit I would take go for it Why because you don't want to waste another like some people years having this type of Of a relationship that way you can you can know if they're if you are Connecting in the right way But what are you gonna say? Remember we watched love prison People that spent six months to two years talking texting talking texting talking texting and then they met and it was an absolute Disaster now in the environment that was created. It was a laboratory. It was an incubator to create disaster This is called love prison and it's on hulu. I believe okay 2014 series. Okay now in your case lulu. This is your big brother talking Here's i'm gonna say all the worst case scenario You guys have all this time talking. You're exciting to see it. He's flying out to see you Now he's probably going to insist on staying in your place Okay, that puts him in an environment to be much closer to your bedroom than if he's at a hotel room number one The minute there's some alcohol involved your boundaries will most likely drop and you'll have sex with each other Then he'll go back home and say, you know what? I've been thinking about it And I really don't want to do a long-distance relationship. So how can you? I don't want to use the word protect yourself But prepare yourself you make a request that he stay in a hotel And your only time to see each other is during the day Okay, now he's going to resist that Okay, because he's going to want to see at night and you can see each other at night But you clearly want to make sure that you go home now unless you and choose to engage in sex Okay, and that's okay, too. There's nothing wrong with that But let me just tell you this if you don't have a plan of how to take Atlanta to california To shrink that distance See the only reason why I considered marie was she was already considering moving to los angeles She has two children that live in los angeles her dear a dear friend of her lives in the complex next door to me Her best friend lives 45 minutes away from us There was a lot of reason for this dynamic to occur and I grew up here and she grew up here with that said Very few people actually ever move So, you know, you better make sure you nail that down sooner rather than later And that's your big brother talking to protect you lulu. Thank you so much Um What rebecca says don't just give too much power that is a marathon festival I think she's thinking of the festival Um, we're at an hour. Do you want to keep going or you want to let's just take a couple more questions On a break no contact because he kept pushing for a relationship discovered. I might be avoided he He only offered friendship after investing all this time. How do we get back to how it was? Yeah Well, she's the avoidant She needs coaching well Okay, so He's pushing for a relationship. By the way ladies. Are you reading this going? Where is the guy that will push your relationship for me? Okay, a lot of women are by the way m bach a lot of women are going They wish they had a guy that would push for a relationship. Well, what does she want? Well, we have to get into the root of what the avoidant is most likely you have an abandonment issue that relates to something from your childhood Or a previous relationship that really stung and you haven't healed from that I want to encourage you before you do anything with him. I want to encourage you to contact Naked divorce naked recovery. I want you to ask for Adele. It's listed here. It's in the link below Mention our name. Okay. Mention my name mention Marie's name You can schedule Just a couple coaching sessions to maybe identify what's going on inside of you that causes you to be resistant And then from a place of empowerment, you can revisit a relationship with him if he's still interested Contact naked naked By the way, there's a link right there naked divorce. Adele is wonderful I used her when I was recovering from my divorce and She's she's just great and great. I got a lot of tools and you could also if you look at the testimonials You'll see me in there Really quickly. I know you did not bring up that you had a breakup Most why I'm mentioning Adele is she'll get to the root of your avoidant um Attachment style and from that place you can come from a place of power Yeah, Adele is a trauma specialist. So she she has a very broad Broad tools she has a lot of tools and a lot of different programs for different situations. Yeah, so check her out Question in your opinion, what are the best questions to ask a man to see if he understands emotional intelligence Well, I'm gonna tell you that's a secret If you want to find out the answers to that question Check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a Working with a coach is right for you. One of my processes called radical honesty pre-qualifying your prospect This is something I do for clients. So if you want that deeper understanding reach out the link below the schedule a discovery call with me You know what sweet art, um, let's take that banner off I think it's time to wrap up Okay, I'm thirsty Time for a cocktail Folks, I hope you found value in the five new questions you said ask a man in the early stages I'm going to repeat it for everyone really quickly and I want you to repeat after me. Is he real Is he real? Is he kind? Is he kind? Is he kind to you? Is he kind of me? Okay? Is he is he in a relationship with someone else? Is he in a relationship with someone else or does someone think they're in a relationship with him exactly Does he have good relationship skills? Does he have good relationship skills and what kind of relationship is he looking for? What kind of relationship is he looking for? It's not your job to teach them They should know and it's your job to establish your standard and see if you meet each other on the 50 yard line I hope you had value from our live stream today. It's been a true honor to share with you from both Marie and I We're gonna wrap up this video as I always as we always do first off. Can I give you a big gigantic chop? Can I get one back? Thank you. Everyone take care. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye Oh, I want to say good night to three cats and michelle and crystal and holly and a inbox leaf leafs Andrea michelle pixie elizabeth lulu crystal sheriff Zen gal simply sky blue felon michelle everyone. Thanks so much. Bye now. Bye now. Bye