 Let's go out to Jack Benny's house in Beverly Hills, where Jack is taking his violin lesson from his same old teacher, Professor LaBlox. Oh, Mr. Benignore. I'm sorry, Professor. Perhaps you are not ready for that yet. Oh, but I am, Professor. Look, I'll show you. You're slipped off. It should be your head. Come, let us go back to the exercises. I'll count for you. Hello. One, and two, and three, and four, and... Lay it gently, do not kick it, this would make a trilopic hit. Lay it smooth, they're not so jocky, this could make me lose my torquey. I wish I was someplace else, sir, please give me an alka-seltzer. What did I do wrong? You are gripping the violin too tight around the neck. Stop it, it gives me ideas. First one again. Very well. Hello. I think you stink. Please play something else. Professor, at the end of last week's lesson, you yourself suggested the Blue Danube to jump into not to play. Now, Professor, listen, I'm paying you good money to come here. Pardon me, boss, but you weren't on the phone. Okay. Now, don't go away, Professor. My lesson still has two more minutes to go. Two more minutes. Two more minutes. What a man. He even stops the watch during the eight-bar rast. Not just there. I would like to ask you a favor. Professor, what is it? My ankle hurts me. Will you please loosen this chain a little? Professor, your ankles are exactly my size. How do you know? That's the same chain I wore the first five years I worked here. I do not understand, Mr. Benny, but then life is full of so many surprises. What do you mean, Professor? Well, I remember when I came to America 15 years ago. I was standing on the deck as the boat steamed into New York Harbor. Then I saw her, the Statue of Liberty. The gift that my country, Lebert France, gave to your country the glorious America. As I looked at the statue, a lump came into my throat. I realized what it stood for. Liberty! Freedom! I reached out my arms and walked. Okay, okay, Professor, let's finish the lesson. Rochester, go back in the kitchen and fix dinner. Yes, sir. Should I set a plate for Professor LeBlanc? No, no, I'm giving him the money this time. Tell me, Mr. Benny, let us resume the lesson. Go ahead, please. The Blue Daniel? No, no, the exercises. Go ahead. Hello. No, no, no. Not so jazzy. Mr. Benny. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Is something wrong, Professor? No, no, nothing is wrong. Only the lesson, she is finished. Pay me. Okay, Professor, I'll have to go down in my vault and get the money. And please, don't keep me waiting like you did the last time. I won't, I won't. Oh, Professor, would you please answer the door? The chain. Oh, yes, yes. Yes, I forgot. I'll answer it. Hello, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, Dennis. Come on in. Say, Dennis, I was going to call you. I heard your program Thursday night and I thought you were swell. Gee, thanks. And I heard you on Phil Baker's quiz program last week. You did, kid? Really? Yeah. Boy, were you stupid. Dennis, the questions on Phil Baker's program were very difficult. Anyway, I answered all but the last one. You sure fool a lot of people. Why? You don't look stupid. How you ever got to be my boss, I'll never know. Look, kid, besides starting an argument, what did you come over here for anyway? Well, you always want to hear my song before I do it on the program. Well, all right, let's hear it. Okay. Why don't you stay home instead of going on quiz programs? Dennis, now go ahead and sing your song. No wonder my hair is gray. That was all right, Dennis. That song will do for the program. How about some lunch? You can eat when you get home. Now, Dennis... Mr. Benny, please, I am waiting for my money. Oh, yes, yes, I'm sorry. Dennis, this is Professor LeBlanc, my violin teacher. He's your violin teacher? Please, please. Not so loud. I'm trying to keep it a secret. What? I'm trying to come in overalls so people will think I am Diploma. Oh, Professor, don't be so temperamental. I'll go and get you your money. La, la, la, la, la. Plink, plink, plink, plink. La, la, la, la, la. I do not. I'll get it. We'll brush off the fog and let me see you. I'm glad to see you, Mary. When did you get back from Palm Springs? I just drove in just a minute. Well, welcome home. Come here. Let me kiss you. Oh, Jack. I can't help it, Mary. I haven't seen you for two whole weeks. Jack, please, you're getting my ring all wet. Gee, I'm happy you're back. Come on, Mary. Let me carry you in the house. Oh, Jack, stop being silly. I'm not being silly. I just want to carry you in. I haven't seen you in so long. Come on, let me carry you in. Ops-a-daisy. Shall we walk? One pound. I thought so. Hello, Miss Livingston. Welcome home, Miss Livingston. Welcome home. The oil went away. Now that you're back, we'll be sitting around the old... Down that mint julep and take her cold. Yes, Colonel, sir? He found some wild mint in the backyard and tamed it. Tell me, Mary, did you have a real good time in Palm Springs? Oh, I sure did, Jack. Did you miss me? The Gregory Peck took me out to dinner. And the next morning, I went swimming with Van Johnson. Did you miss me? That same afternoon, I played golf with Clark Gable. And last Saturday, Robert Taylor and I went horseback riding. Did you miss me? All day Monday, I was on a picnic at Gary's. And that night, I went dancing with her own power. Mary, did you miss me? Well, of course I missed you. You know, I always hate to be away from you, Jack. Jack... What's the last name again, Bob? Beagle, Meyer. Cosmos, Beagle. And you don't have to be so smart. You know, when you were gone, I wasn't exactly sitting home knitting. Oh, no. Where'd you get that sweater? I finished that before you even left. Thought you had me there, didn't you? Come out of the other room and tell me all about... Say, Mr. Benny, now that you've heard my song, can I...? Oh, hello, Dennis. Mr. Benny, now that you've heard my song... Mary said hello to you. Why don't you answer? I'm mad at her. Mad at me? Why? Oh, because last week when he came on the program, he said hello to you and you didn't answer him. Oh, but that's silly, Dennis. When you said hello to me, you were here and I was in Palm Springs, so I couldn't answer you. Did you see anybody in Palm Springs you knew? Yes, a lot of people. Did they say hello to you? Well, certainly. Did you answer them? Of course. Well, I'm as good as they are. Wait a minute, Jack, I'll fix this up right now. Come here, Dennis. I'm going to give you a kiss. Come here. There. Now, Dennis, are you still mad at me? You're just after my money. Why? Well, who cares about money? I don't know what's come over you lately. Every time. I'll get it, boss. Okay. Mr. Benny, as well as that star stays, Green Radio will start delivering the Herald Express again tomorrow. Green Radio and associate editor of the Hobo News. Hello, Phil, what do you want? Look, Jackson, when I got my old program, you and I made a little deal, didn't we? Yes. Well, I sent you the bottles of Fit Shampoo. Where are my lucky strikes? Well, Phil, the reason I didn't send you the lucky strikes is because you promised me 12 bottles of Fit Shampoo and you only sent me eight. I sent you 12. You sent me eight. I sent you 12, one for each hair. Well, next week, make it 13. I'm expecting. Congratulations. Thank you. Okay, Phil, I'll send you the six cartons of Lucky Strikes tomorrow. Our deal was for ten cartons. Ten? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello, Jack. No, this is Phil. This is Jack. Who are you? Don Wilson. Hello, John. Are you Phil's house? I'm home. I dialed your number and got caught in. Oh, well, look, look, John. How about my Lucky Strikes? They're so round, so firm, so full. John, wait a minute. John, Phil's talking to me. I'm talking to who? To me. Hello? Rochester, where are you? I'm on the extension in the kitchen. Well, Rochester, hang up. I'm talking to Phil. What about me? John, get off the phone. You know Mary, the most peculiar... Hello? Can't understand, Mr. Benny. Please. I am waiting for my money. A minute, Professor. In a minute. Jack, why don't you give Professor LeBronk his money? I'm going down to the ball together. Well, I'll lend it to you. Here. All I have is a $20 bill. Well, I haven't got change. Maybe I can help. I've got an $18 bill. An $18 bill. I know, but I'm not going to tell the jerk. I don't tell him. Now, Professor, I'll get your money. Let's see. How much do I owe you? I didn't pay you for the last lesson and the one before that. And, uh... Three before that. Oh, yes. All together, I think it comes... ...with the seven lessons. Professor, I'm sure I owe you for six. No, no, I am positive. It is seven. I only weigh 110 pounds. 110 pounds? What's that got to do with it? The last time you paid me, I weighed 180 pounds, and I lose 10 pounds a lesson. Okay, Professor. You are going to get the money and pay me? No, he's going to get the scales and weigh you. I am not. I'm going to the ball. Well, well, nice to see you again. How are things on the outside? Fine, fine. It's winter now, you know. And by the way, we recently had an election and the Republicans won in nearly all the 48 states. We have 48 of them now. Since 1912. Ed, light a candle for me, will you? So I can see what I'm doing. Ed, I asked you to light a candle. I'm looking for the flint. Oh, we... We have matches now, you know. Here. Hold it up a little. Say. What's the matter? Up there in the corner. What's that hole in the wall? Did somebody try to break into my ball? Oh, no, Mr. Benny. That happened when I first came down here. It did? Yes. Some man was digging a tunnel and got in here by mistake. Gee, that's funny. I wonder who it was. Well, I don't know, but he mumbled something about being Montecristo. I'm going to open the safe now. Now, let's see. The combination is right to 45. Left to 60. Back to 15. Then left to 110. There. The professor must be running my Mixmaster. I guess that'll be enough money. Well, so long, Ed. See you in the spring. Goodbye, Mr. Benny. John L. Lewis ever hears about Ed. I'm sunk. Here's your money, Professor LeBlanc. Thank you very much, Mr. Benny. You're welcome. Goodbye. Goodbye, Monsieur. Oh, I forgot to unchain you. Here, I'll unlock it. There. Thank you. You are so kind. Liberty, freedom! I guess they went home. Well, I think I'll go in and practice a little more before dinner. Roger, did you see who that is? Yes, sir. Phil Baker, what does he want? Hello, Jack. What are you doing here? Jack, I have to stay in California longer than I thought. And I've been having an awful time trying to find an apartment. Well, isn't that too bad? What's the matter, Jack? The way you treat me on your program, you expect me to give you a room? How would you like to sleep on an old parked bench? I don't care how you've got it furnished. I'll take it. Well, you're not going to get it. Jack, you've got no reason to get sore at me. If you would answer the last question on my program correctly, I would have given you the $64. But that was just such a tough question. Nobody could answer it. I'll bet that... Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I did answer that correctly, and you owe me $64. You did not answer it correctly. I didn't. They asked me the same question again. Go ahead, Baker, ask me. Okay. Petarepsky was one of 50 contestants in the musical contest. And Petarepsky was the winner. Go on, go on. Now, my question was, can you name the 49 losers? That's right. And what did I say? You said, no, I can't. That's the correct answer. I can't name them and give me the $64. Come on, come on. Give me the doll. Okay. Here. Thanks. Television, that would have been good. Now, Phil, I've got a little practicing to do, so I'll see you again sometime. But, Jack, I'm really up against it. I haven't got a place to live. Can't you help a pal out with the room? Well, let's see. Hey, I've got an idea. You didn't sleep in the... No, Ed likes to be alone. I'm sorry, Phil, I have no vacancy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I want to finish practicing. I don't need a room that's classy, or last week I slept with lassie. Phil, please, I'm trying to practice and stop scratching yourself. Well, Jack, let me practice with you. I'm my accordion. Your accordion? Phil, do you always carry that with you? Sure, and say Jackson. The left side of Vine Street is hot this week. What? You know the Christmas spirit and everything? Oh, yes, yes, my agent told me that. Now, Phil, will you please let me practice? Okay, go ahead. Please let me practice. Oh, all right. Gentlemen, many communities are still collecting food to help save the lives of millions of men, women and children in Europe who are starving. We here in America are the best fed nation in the world. And we are asked to make a voluntary sacrifice for those unfortunate people. All Americans should understand that this is not charity, not a gift. Every ounce of wheat and fats, every ounce...