 Item number SPC-169 Object Class Megalodon Shark Punching Contingencies Due to its immense size, direct punching of SPC-169 will prove impractical. As such, Project Ahab has been established for the full-scale pudgelization of SPC-169. Project Ahab consists of simultaneous dreadnought class punchery from five separate sources in the Southern Atlantic Ocean. Item number 1 – Fist of Neptune Fifty satellites currently located in stationary orbit over critical points of SPC-169's anatomy. These satellites are capable of releasing 100 kg tungsten and osvium sculptures of fists in the Earth's atmosphere, which will use the natural acceleration of Earth's gravity to punch SPC-169 at terminal velocity. Item number 2 – Fist of Triton Ten volleys of twenty intercontinental ballistic missiles modified for shark-punching purposes with kaiju-grade dune fist tips. Item number 3 – Fist of Calypso Two-stage operation in which Megara-277EA-92R, a van-sized asteroid in an L4 orbit around the Earth, is one, implanted with several boxing gloves, and two, magnetized directly into SPC-169. Item number 4 – Fist of Cthulhu Five hundred modified drilling rigs will be installed on the exterior of SPC-169 for the purpose of applying continuous punching action over the course of several years. Item number 5 – Fist of Nemo We'll be trained in bare-knuckle boxing techniques and summon the challenge SPC-169 to fist-a-cups. SPC-169 is the largest shark ever encountered by the Shark Punching Center, believed to be between 2,000 and 8,000 kilometers in length. Radar analysis has detected a hardened outer carapace, indications of a state of dormancy, and unfortunately, a complete lack of exterior indications of punching. SPC-169 is believed to have existed since the Pre-Cambrian Era. Due to the ethical ramifications of a shark having remained unpunched for that long, Project Ahabs will be executed as soon as possible. Addendum 1 – Shark Identification Discrepancies Begin Log Dr. Swayze, sir, we have reason to believe that SPC-169 is not a shark. Administrator, explain. SPC-169 has an exoskeleton, as well as multiple set of limbs and feelers. In truth, I believe SPC-169 to be a very large arthropod. Interesting. Tell me, is SPC-169 located in the ocean? Yes? Is it larger than a dolphin? Yes. Does it have lots of pointy parts that could potentially be dangerous? Then it's a shark. This is entry-level shark-spotting. You really shouldn't know better at this point. Sir, with all due respect by that logic, sperm-wills, orcas, and nar-wills could also be called sharks? Oh, god. No! End Log Following this meeting, an emergency initiative was established for the investigation and immediate punching of SPC-170, Moby Dick Sharks, SPC-171, Free Willy Sharks, and SPC-172. Swords sharks? Addendum 2 – Ethics Committee Review Begin Log Dr. Balboa We've been going over the agenda for Project AHAB and I think we need a step of the lethality. On what grounds? If we were to punch this shark and we did not kill it, I'm fairly certain it would get enraged with it and it would potentially cause irreversible damage to human civilization. But would it be punched? The human race would go extinct, but yes, SPC-169 would be punched. Look, whatever the fine print says, our job is done once the fist is in the shark's bitch face. Forgive me if I fail to see how the most punchable shark in our organization's history is generating so much nitpicking. End Log