 So I've been asked to make this video a bit longer than the first one I sent in just trying to get my head around it or really it's all new to me just being ghosted out of the blue to me totally out of the blue after some beautiful time with someone that I thought was a beautiful woman because that's what she masqueraded as a woman who loved me that fed my own narcissistic traits for adoration and things that I'm missing from my childhood she met everything ticked all the boxes ticked all the boxes she was a dream come true and I thought we had a great relationship everything in common a few blips along the way about me getting angry and she convinced me to take a test for ADHD which I did and she basically said if you don't do something about it we're over so I was I'd do it I would have done anything to carry on being with her and I did I had the test went through private psychiatry UK did all kinds of assessments when you know a triation period of drugs which I'm on medication now for my ADHD that was all because she convinced me that that was wrong and then there was RSD that she said she was convinced I had that so all these things that she knows I really don't handle rejection very well she knows I've got problems anger issues from childhood trauma she knows about the fact that I was adopted found out I was adopted when I was 36 years old you know nothing about my real father and he knows nothing about me she knows all these things and then just totally ghosted me and like it all been set up she made arrangements and you know didn't say a word to me and I found out through someone who was still in contact with her because she's unblocked on everything that she left me because I was a narcissist I thought that I know what that was just someone who's vain yeah I'm vain I'm self-absorbed I suppose I've had my head filled with the idea that I was gonna be famous from as early as I can remember in my artwork so yeah slightly inflated sense of self-worth and importance probably brought on by an alcoholic mother and a overcompensation of love the wrong kind of love drunk love not the kind of love a kid needs so yeah I'm not saying bro is me that's just my life yeah so and I look into what narcissism actually meant and what narcissistic abuse constituted and I saw a lot of myself in that and it horrified me horrified me seeing myself I didn't deny it I totally admitted full responsibility for his actions and it terrified me thinking that I treated the woman I love like that without knowing at all I knew I seemed to push girls away after a certain time but I didn't know why I didn't have a clue why so I spent you know I was plunged into hell didn't know where I was I was never gonna paint again I looked at everything in my life and everything was stripped of its meaning to me I literally did not know I was my personality just crumbled my ego was blown to pieces I just couldn't understand it I could not understand it reading about these monsters and thinking that's me because I recognize some of the traits and as I'm reading or watching your videos not survivor God bless you for your videos I might but I have empathy unbelievable empathy everything I do is for the people and out it's altruistic it's not for my own validation I you know maybe I have got I'm very confident about my work I'm not full of insecurity I have the normal healthy amount of insecurity about my work but that just makes me want to get better and so many of these things just weren't making sense so I'm like okay I've got narcissistic traits I'm hoping for counseling I'm gonna sort them out and now I saw my ex-girlfriend on the street and she just looked through me like I didn't exist and I mean total cold totally cold from love from well from a pretty good approximation of human love showing someone human love she fooled me and I just couldn't get my head around how she could just switch it off like that how can you just stop caring for someone not only that how can you willfully be torturing someone no explanation no answers nothing nothing nothing but that's what you do to a narcissist that's what you have to do but I'm not a narcissist remember and then I see it then I see this video about narcissistic ghosting and then narcissistic eyebrows how to tell an arse to mark and then the mirroring and the love bombing everything that she did to me in the early stages looking back I'm going back and retrofitting my memories it's all fake you know I mean I think we might very well be living in a simulation of some kind but my whole relationship with can't really call her a woman and I'm not being you know that would be bad to women it scared me it's the scariest thing I've ever encountered the cruelest thing I've ever encountered the most duplicitous just calculating cold totally devoid of empathy compassion and everything was a lie it's like watching a movie the sweetest love movie love story ever and it's from the guy's perspective and then you see the same film from the girls perspective and it's a horror film because she she's making you out to be this narcissist and then the twist the Twilight Zone twist in the end is that all along she was a narcissist and she's just projecting all onto me I saw its true face once when I criticized when I dared to criticize something some a bit of music we'd been working on together I dared to give my opinion and if looks could kill I've never been looked at like that before I've never seen a shark up close but she imagine that's what sharks eyes would look like cold dead dolls eyes not human I did not recognize this woman in that instance so it's true face oh it's it itself it was running after me apologizing left left and right knew I'd seen it's true face they're not like being having their masks taken off do they gotta keep hidden they walk they walk amongst us these monsters they're not just at the movies and horror comics they're real be careful people