 Listen, it's the message right here. Black boy, tell me how you really feel. Because I just want to build with you. Black girl, tell me how you really feel. I want to keep it real with you. I want to live better, eat better. I want to love better, sleep better. Yeah, I want to feel so aligned. Talk to me about why do you think black men and black women can't get along, aren't getting along? Do you think there's a problem? I do. OK. Talk about it. I actually feel like it starts with the women. I feel like although men help us produce children, ultimately we birth that child. It starts with us in an aspect. I feel like if women did give men that safe haven to be vulnerable, then more guys would do it. But the thing is when a man is vulnerable, a lot of times a woman use it against them because women are more emotional. So if you're not a mature woman, then your guy can tell you, oh, I just lost my job. I don't know what to do. You can hold him down. But then later, it's like, oh, well, all I did for you. And you can't even do this for me. And it's like, but you did it out the kindness of your heart. So did you do it out the kindness of your heart or did you do it because you wanted something in return? For a guy, he can have a female do that for him. And then when he gets on his feet, then he ventures out. So I feel like it has a lot to do with one compromising understanding, communication, and trust. A lot of people deal with people that they don't trust. I feel like if people actually got the time to know a person before getting into their pants, then they would really know a lot about a person. Also, questions. When people go on dates, I don't think they ask the right questions. They ask basic questions, but those questions aren't ultimately what you feel like you need and your life going forward. So you're thinking about now versus the future. Some people will say, well, you shouldn't ask all those questions. So would you rather ask the questions, have the person answer, and if they get irritated and don't want to answer, then you know, well, they're like this thing. Maybe this is not the person that I need to deal with because I want to open person. So if I ask this person these questions, if they're open, they're going to be like, OK, go for it. If your person is emotional, I don't feel like you should be with someone who's very nonchalant. Because you like to engage in conversation, you get upset about something. And then they're like, it's not that big of a deal. Like, I think a little dramatic. And that could go both ways. Because you do have some nonchalant women out there that's like, are you over there crying? Is it? Come on down. And this is for the guy, but what's wrong with him crying? Like, it's completely OK. It's healthy. So it's healthy for us to cry. But it's not healthy for the men to cry. How is that? So one of the things I'm hearing a lot of men say, they're saying that when a lot of black women describe their ideal man, they're describing a woman with a penis. Because some of the traits that they describe are traits of a strong black woman, not necessarily of a man. And some of the things that they feel like would make them compatible doesn't actually make them compatible. So for instance, two emotional people, probably a terrible idea. How are you going to raise kids? Who's going to be level headed? Or two nonchalant people, right? So men are having the conversation about we need balance. Women tend to have the conversation like men need to be more like us. So why do you think that's happening? Why do you think we're missing each other as far as preferences? Selfishness, in a way, because, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I do feel like when women look at a man, they look for a perfect person. Like, I need you to do this. I need you to do that. Oh, and do it just like this. Or when you clean the house, make sure it's just like this. It's like, I want you to help, but I want you to help the way I want you to help me. And I don't think it's fair because everybody's love language is different. So how something may look to you, it may not look like that to your man. But because it's all about you, this is how I feel. This is how this looked to me. This is how you did this, and it made me feel this way. But did you ask him why he did it that way? Maybe the questions also. I think women don't ask questions like the right questions. I feel like they ask questions to benefit them, not to actually really dig into the guy's mind or how he feels. What do you think that is? Selfishness. Sometimes, and I'm not saying it's all women, but power is will. I feel like a lot of women like to have power. And I feel like they like to have power because if they're in control of the situation, then it's like, oh, he's going my way. So I could get him to do whatever I want him to do. Poor guy, I feel like it could be power as well. But I also think sometimes the guy can have a little bit more to lose in a situation like that. Like a female, if a guy's going through a financial hardship and the female's like, oh, you can stay with me, I can help you, it's like once he get there, she treat him more like a servant than her man. It's a difference. And I feel like a lot of women want men to be their father or their servant, not the actual man. And it looks totally different. Let the guy leave. You should let him leave as long as he's leading you in the right direction. I had a friend ask me, if you had a good business plan and your man had a good business plan, both of them could become successful. Who would you choose? Like I'm going with my man because if his don't work out, then we could always fall back on mine. But if I'm supposed to let him leave, then we're going with what he feels is best. That's what you should do because you can't ask for a man but then put conditions on how he's a man. Like that's not how it go. If you're going to take him all or you're going to take him none, not partial pieces, I don't think. So let's explore that because what you hear about a lot is women saying you've got to earn my femininity or you have to earn my submission or everything I'm not going to do. But I'm still going to fuck with you. I'm still going to have sex with you. I'm still going to date with you, whatever the case may be. So why do you think there is that sense of men are no better than their wallets or their digs? Why do you think that's the idea amongst our women? I'm sorry. I actually feel like women look at back of the day where the man used to take care of everything. But I also do know that the women in those positions, they did a lot more than a lot of the women these days. So I mean, they cook. I mean, they made sure the man's clothes was iron. His lunch was packed. The kids was fed. They could cook a home cooked meal. They were more nurturing in a sense. I think a lot of times now females are more masculine. So it's like, oh, well, you can give me this. You could do this for me. But hold up, wait. I don't know if you deserve all of me. I personally feel like if a man is doing what he's supposed to do, then as a woman, if you have nothing to question, then being submissive should not be an issue. Like if my man's, let's just say he's taking care of the house, he's putting a smile on my face. He's not stressing me out. He's loving me the way I should be loved. Then ultimately, there's no question. The type of woman I am, though, it's going to automatically make me want to do stuff with no question. If I know he love fresh white teas and socks, I'm going to make sure he's stocked up on that. If he love home cooked meals, I'm going to make sure when he get off and work out for the long day, his food is right there. But I think that came from me watching my mom. And she used to do that for my dad. But those were the good parts that I watched. Because you've grown up, I don't have kids. I'm single. But I date. And I date my culture and outside my culture. Just to learn. People, a lot of the times I think it's the person. Because not all women are like that. There are nurturing women out there. But I also feel like it's a power thing, too. I want to feel good. I want to feel liberated. You're doing this for me. Like a guy being her servant. But because she feels like she's like the queen, everything has to be done my way. But that's not our partnership. If he's doing everything and you reaping the benefits, then he might as well be the other self. Because he care. So let me ask you this. So a lot of women are going to hear this. And they're going to call you a pick me. What if you could explain what a pick me is and explain how you understand it? I mean, I feel like they're going to say a pick me. Because they're like, oh, she just want to be on the guy's good side. But I don't feel like that's the case. I've dated. So I've dated. Islanders, I've been on dates with Hispanics, Black men, Caucasian men, I don't know. I've just tall, short, thicker, smaller mom in the household, mom not in the household, dad in the household, dad raised, mom raised, grandparents raised. So I've really ventured out because I've wanted to understand the male's perspective and mindset. You're only going to say a person is a, some females do be pick me. But some females actually take the time. To talk to guys and have conversations with them and hear their side and bend in situations where you've had to hold yourself accountable for things because you weren't always right. So when a female can take her pride down and give that guy that vulnerable space, then you learn a lot about guys because they're going to feel comfortable to talk to you. My friendship life with guys and my dating life is totally different. So having guys talk to me and actually give me feedback on the things that they have to go through and let me see different perspectives and then me talk to females and I'm like, OK, OK. They do think like that a little bit. My mindset is different in a way. I can't tell you exactly why, but being spiritual and really happen to dig into yourself internally, you learn things about yourself, your flaws, the good parts, the bad parts, the things that you could do better at. Maybe I need to change my perspective. I've been in positions where I was that female that I'm talking about and it doesn't really get you far. So I had to change how I think about things and how to do a 360 because a lot of times we think 180, but not the whole 360 like, OK, if this was you, if you were asking you for what you're asking him and you were in his shoes, how would that make you feel? And I had to start thinking like that. Once I started thinking like that, the conversations became different and the questions that I asked guys also were different. I feel like a lot of times we asked questions based off of what would have benefited us, but not tapping into the guy's mind and actually feel like, what do you really need? What do you want? How do you feel? Like not how are you, but how do you feel? Because if you ask the person, how are they? They can say I'm fine. But it's like, how do you feel? You could still say fine, but you'll see a different reaction off their face. Like you might see them frown or, you know, so, yeah. So on this journey of understanding men, tell me about some of the things you've learned and some of the things that surprised you. That guys are actually way more simple than we think.