 I'm producing Artistic Director of the One Minute Play Festival. And tonight, you're going to see almost 60 brand-new One Minute Plays written by almost 30 Alaskan playwrights staged by seven amazing directors and performed by a company of over 30. Not a big clap. That's the thing. Thank you so much for the One Minute Play Festival. We are a national organization. We partner in playwright community and education specific theaters all around the country. We invite playwrights living and working in different communities into our playmaking process. We don't really tell them what to write about. We give them a prop that asks them to consider the world around them, consider their communities, and the ways in which they view and engage the world. And they submit these moments to us. And when they do, we look at the emerging themes and ideas and styles and trends that sort of bubble up to the surface. We find those connections and try to encapsulate them and reflect them back. So this is our way of sort of performing like a community mind map, where we use often the image of a core sample sort of going into the earth and looking at a cross-section of the dirt and seeing what's there. So we are here for a second year partnering with the amazing Perseverance Theater here in Great East Africa. And we're here for Mr. Josh Lomond. I'm the Anchor's Show Manager at Perseverance Theater. We really enjoy working on this. We really do help bring out new artists. We really want to see what our Alaskans have to say. Our goal is, our mission is, theater for and by Alaskans. And this is part of that. Another part of that is next year, we're going to be doing by an amazing Alaskan player named Ernest Starbert. It's going to be called, what is this blank on this? Oh my god. Our voices will be heard. She's right here. All our voices will be heard. So the amazing story of another daughter relationship, something that's like a violence. It's something everyone should come see next year. It's going to be happening in February or here in Anchorage, January, down in Juneau. That's next season. This season, we've got Odd Couple running. This is the set for Odd Couple minus the set parts. Yeah, they moved that one over again. Yeah. They've moved them all out of the apartment. Aside from that, other things that kind of have you going on the bed. Travel raffle happening. So if you want to buy a raffle ticket, you're 10 bucks and the prizes are all amazing. Top prize is $2,000. Two tickets anywhere in the world, last year, last few lives. And a two night stay at the hotel weekend if you have to decide to go to New York. So that's a few of the things that we've got going on. I'm passing it back. Passing it back. All right, so it's important to note that tonight, we are streaming live on the internet. Hello, viewers. VR partners at HowlRoundTV. You can find an archive of tonight's performance at HowlRoundHWLROMMND.TV that will be available immediately following tonight's performance. It is free. They will live online forever as an archive and sort of an artifact of what they accomplished here as a community together. You can also follow the conversation about the One Minute Play Festival on Twitter and Facebook with the hashtag OneMPF. And you can visit our website, OneMinutePlayFestivalSpelledOut.com, to see all of our 24 national partnerships this year. We're going to stop talking now. Here's the second annual last One Minute Play Festival. Do you want to go to the lab, Jen? Well, that's not really true. You know, the ones that squeeze down, whoa! Picture on me in front of this tree right here. Uh, okay, sure. Uh, cheese. Cheese. Hey, you know what? I think I'm going to go downtown and take a picture from those brands' new statues. This is probably not a quality thing. I'm fine. Yeah, tell them about things. Come on, Harry. Okay, well, if you turn around, we don't smoke right now. I can't see dust. Whoa, okay, for my little ponies, what you baited with? Rainbows? Shut that smart mouth. If I find the something that just isn't too tore up, I can fix it up and give it to Brittany. She's been real tore up ever since Trooper died. She was nuts about that dog. Forget about that girl. She's a goddamn tree-hugger. Don't they know that triggering illegal traps are crimes most of the trades? I don't put them no place they ain't. And dogs like to wander. When that Cooney Bear broke, Trooper's back. Brittany's real tore up about it. And you know how- What you saying, boy? You ever check eBay? They got some great deals on some stuffed animals. I'm stinking there at something. How you gonna escape them? Be fast, real fast. Listen, I want those doggies down here pronto at midnight. Yeah, that same guy that sleeps on the courthouse steps, we get here before the cops kick him off, get to watch them bow him down. Bring the camera. Yeah, thanks. I couldn't help but overhear in a conversation. Oh, yeah? Yeah, with a very peculiar conversation. So you're planning on releasing some wild dogs on someone downtown tonight? No, no, no dogs, no. Oh, okay, that's what I thought I heard. They're wolves. Excuse me? Yeah, they're wolves. We were reintroducing wolves to downtown town. We're gonna wrap the homeless problem. I'll give you five seconds to leave before I shoot you in the foot. Then I'll force pepper spray to both of your eyes. This wasn't rapid. Did it charge you? Didn't have to. Look, this is a bad idea. I need to go home. I don't need to say it today. Call it an epiphany, but I'm catching up first. We'll go finish the chore. It's after 11. I don't sleep on this couch all night. It's science. Oh, science. Look, see the snakes? They're watching the students. Their eyes are shining. Oh, snakes are turned on. That's nuts. Snakes are very shy. You all just have never seen them mate. Sadly true. Until now. When people slither around the floor in front of snakes, something trickles here in their reptile brain. These snakes are horny. They could see people fornicating on a wet-tile floor. We figured they would want to do it too. Be gone! Hey, can I get a copy of this video? Because my pet turtles are sluggish and I thought maybe this would be perfect. This may be a chance. I just want someone who can be themselves around me. Someone I can be myself around too. Nope. My two-year-old son is the most... Casual. Mostly so I don't have to drink alone. Or am I? Message me and see. I stopped none who can interfere. Gibberish, I'm sure. I just can't stop it. I can't stop the signal. Why indulge her? Just let her be. Yeah, oh, what's it saying? Or what is it? Or whatever. It tells us what's it thinking. It tells us how to think. It tells us every story. And it can't be stopped. It won't be stopped. Everything you are, everything you see, everything you experience is a part of the signal. Sound crazy to me. I've got these machines that take interferes and can't be stopped. They won't be stopped like them. You cannot interfere. Just look. So it does, huh? The signal comes from... Yeah, and what do we do to stop it? Yeah, who is it? Not if you interfere. Can't stop the signal. The signal cannot be stopped. I lied to her. Shit, zipped it. I got masters. So what does that mean? What the hell? Stupid. Idiotic. Like I'm really a blue person. I think I'm more sure-truths. But that wasn't one of the colors. I think this is rigged. Shut up. Yeah, just shut up. So, Emily, who did say why was I born with such contemporaries? Oscar Wilde. Who the fuck is Oscar Wilde? He says that she is his dog. Along with some other choice words I won't repeat. She put out one of those Facebook ads, you know, where they pulled up a sign that says, my name's Blah, blah, blah, and I am looking for my family. I always feel bad for those people and hit share. So did I. Until it happened to my family, our children saw it. Our children saw it before my husband or myself did. Everyone we know saw it before we did. I'm not sure what to say. How do I? What do you say to someone you're suddenly related to, who is an adult? How do you explain to everyone you know something that is private? Maybe you could hold up a sign and put it on Facebook? I love social media. If I didn't have social media, I don't think I'd socialize with people period. For prayer, please pray for me. I have a job interview. Please pray for me. I have a cold and my nose is running. It used to be the only gay prayers to those who were really needed prayers. Prayers are like money in the bank of God. You can't just spend it on frivolous stuff. My point exactly. What if I use up my allowance on your cousin who has diarrhea and then my husband gets cancer and we're screwed in the grand scheme of things? Just say positive things with a hashtag in front of him. Hashtag saving my prayers for better things or hashtag, sorry, better luck next time or hashtag, buy Pepto Bismol. It'll make you feel better. The conversation is getting on my nerves. TV, your iPhone, your iPad. They're creating artificial magnetic fields that are tracking all the ads. Only one way to stop it. They're creating this big old artificial magnetic field and that big old artificial magnetic field has got to be attracting something out there. What's the next one tracking? Try again at this month's wrap-up. You guys got a plan? I watched the Matrix lab. It doesn't make sense. I mean, the humans are used as energy for the machines, right? Machines? OK, but? But the machines also feed the humans and give them air, oxygen, et cetera. So isn't it a zero sum game? How do the machines, that energy, come on? Sir, why are you telling me this? Well, I saw your sign on the freeway. Plot, hole, hotline. And I thought I'd give you a call. Hot holes is indeed a hot hole. Oh. Sorry. But you have to think about that? Do you have a clutch, slip cast, or anything? It's your mother. So do you want to have sex now or later? Now. Still school on Veterans Day? Show with the zombies. Hey, that show is cool. Lane. If we don't catch any fish today, we may not eat for three months. Lane! This show will probably be over in three months. Game of Thrones is on pretty soon. Have you seen a new commercial? Really? Lane, you're a zombie. This show. Oh my god, would you stop? We did paperwork. Sounds so romantic when you put it that way. Come on, where to celebrate? We already did that. Lane, three years ago, that was different. How? How was it different? It was a wedding, wasn't it? See, this marriage license? This is an Alaska license. It's real now. And it was real when we did three news. There was a DJ. I remember paying $3,000 to my father who took pictures of our $14,000 wedding. 80 people grabbed hands and wished as well. You know, after 13 years, I am sick and tired of reconceptualizing our relationship. Every time there's a boat or a court case or someone that's actually involved in our family, that's OK with us holding hands and kissing. I'm not a speed talker, girl. Me as an exhalious catch. I've been sitting up for two years to take this trip. I've got new skis, new snow pants. I even got new goggles. I can't wait to land, head to the top of the slope, and feel that white powder underneath my skis. Oh. Blizzard's shutting down bold towns on the East Coast, crazy snow in places like Texas, which doesn't usually get it. I can't even imagine how much snow Alaska must have. Once I saw all the reports about the Blizzard's, I still want part of why we get to Alaska. You can watch something else if you want to. They've done up all that already, TV shows. Why? I guess I like it because it reminds me of my dad. Do you still want to watch something else? He's right. What do you want to do without your regular check? What do you mean do without it? It's mine. You need to face reality. You're not in good financial shape. But it's my fun money, my Hawaii trip, my spa treatment. Well? Sun is better than none. $25. It's better than not $25. I suppose. It's my fur coat. Do you hate the Second Amendment? What's that got to do with it? I mean, if you would just try a little harder, you can see I'm bolstering the economy. Okay, do you want a fur coat or do you want to get the schools open? Both? Well, we're out of money. So you can either go on and get the $2,000 check from a fund that you did nothing to earn or do like everybody else in America and go without it. You will have to prime on it. I'll tell you what's wrong with it. You met the sex worker with a waste of life. You forgot him. You forgot him. And then you used to hunt and survive. Now you're like theater garbage with your baby soft hands all the while spending my French movie. Dude, shut up. You weren't from Tauquino. You went to school in the dining room. Your mom used to baby you when you got those nosebleeds. Well, every... She said the duration hirings was just more than a week first. I guess, yes I am. It is a big commitment. She'll be living with you. The hours are weak. We have two and we're working on one more. The sheen company has two Mexico on vacation for two weeks a year. We also have a free benefits package as well as two weeks paid vacation and a college incentive to learn Spanish. Wow, that sounds terrific. Yes, very fair. Very, yes. So what would you say is your daughter's best attribute? Oh, she cares too much. Really? And her increased weakness? She cares too much. Best job ever. Sure. Do me a favor though, will you? Bring me back the change. Thank you, sir. I'll do that. I'm gonna hear him bum five dollars off you. Coming in here off the street and bothering you like that. Look, I can call my boss over here, man. He didn't bum the money off of me. I wanted to buy the young man a cup of coffee. He wasn't disturbing me, but you are. Here's your change, sir. Did you leave a tip? No, sir. The girl's kind of rude. Give me another favor, will you? You keep the change. I'd rather you have it. Damn. Thank you, sir. It's a shitty job. And I am not selling my soul to pay for your extravagance. Extravagance is, these are bills. We have to learn to cut back. Kids don't need the computer. And we could take the bus or better yet walk. This is Alaska. It's cold out there. You want me to walk? I want you to color your own hair. You don't need to go to the most expensive salon in the city. You want me to color my own hair? I never thought I'd come to this. Well, we're out of money. There's just some things you don't do without. We could dip into our- I'll take the shitty job. You got me. Thank you. Nailed it. It's wrong. It wasn't a deal. And I'm not easy. You're good too. Let me let you in on the secret. I'm actually on probation here. Haven't sold shit all year. If I didn't close you today, they were going to fire me. Really? You saved my ass. So I'm going to take another $1,000 off the- Oh, I squeezed it. Drop it. Oh, out of my commission. I mean- Why would you do that? To celebrate. Ah, but that- Hey! You got a problem with- Passing November to legalize the distribution of possession of cannabis products. But just who are they? Let's find out. Activist group? Robot dealers. I killed a VPSO with a screwdriver. Yeah, this one. Never had the eyes of an average average because he was looking at my old age. Fuck, you gotta do the same thing. How about you? Yo! I said, how about you? Me? Yeah. What'd you do, man? I started a floating strip club, Apocoya. Dump strip? That's badass! With your wife? Man, never let go of her. Wait, wait, that shit's illegal, man? It is. When you dump human waste from a boat to the harbor. Wait, am I worthy? Should I even aspire to be the man? You tell her. I forced my way into the pregnancy while I was wasted. I think that- High school diploma to November to- When I got a divorce? Disappeared. I mean, I knew she was on drugs, but I thought she was getting help. When the coroner asked me- Do wait. Wait. This is for the tip. Ferguson and police billy clubby old man. It's 100% all-or-bent foobar. Maybe that could be gone. Is it really? I'm not doing anything. I'm not budging. Not very helpful. Well, why don't you do something about it? You're so fired. Why don't you get off the dust? I am. I'm rousing the masses. Yeah! Well, why don't you tell her to get more sleep and her to make more time? She doesn't have anything to do with guns. We're here to do something about guns. You want to do something about guns? Yes. Yes. Then do nothing. Just like you are. Do nothing and let the Constitution work. Do what? I mean, we're still producing oil. Yeah, but we don't know how bad it's going to get. You know, I'm thinking about selling my house, asking for a transfer, maybe North Dakota. There's not a little extreme. What about your kids? Yeah. Well, I guess so, but things are going to get bad. We're going to the street as walkers not going to play ball. You know, we've made our money. It's time to get out. Shit, maybe you're right. Maybe it's time to leave Alaska. Just eat somewhere else. This table's taking kind of a long time. We've got 70,000 rounds. Socialized medicine? Shit. This is Alaska, not Canada. What about that gold-forming bullshit? Oh, it's a cycle. I saw it on TV. A senator said it was bullshit. Oh, I'm buying evolution? I'm not drinking with a couple of liberals. An armed liberal. Hi, I'm Don. Are you buying? It is a low day to be Native. Did you see their joint announcements on Facebook? Native people being placed in higher positions to promote a better understanding of our people. It is a great day to be Native. Okay, but did you see the ugly, ignorant comments under those Facebook announcements? It's a sad day to be Native. Okay, negative Nancy. Did you see the inauguration ceremony? Native people dancing. Lieutenant Governor getting down. Let's clean it up. I saw clean get dancing, but what about you, big, grandmask, or a new B.A.? It's a tough day to be any other kind of Native. Well, yeah, but we have to get clean inauguration dinner. Did you see that they're serving fried bread and blueberry agatec? It's a good day to be Native. Can you meet them? Yes, them? Don't they say... Wait, she'll calm down with government. Well, give them such a machinous idea. Oh, now they're going to say that they've got proof we can call the American government. I get it. That idiot son of a bitch goes to the Congress and makes the president look like a nurse. Yes. The leader of a foreign nation scorns the American president to advance his own country's interests, and not just any country. Are you packed? Well, ready to go? Train to Montreal needs a couple of hours. I'll get the tickets. I'll meet you there. Be careful. I really don't want to go to Canada. Who grounds them? It's all that and more coming up. Yeah, I am. There's a nation's dialogue about race. It's a thing if I don't know anything. Add a sub-zero. Oh, Ferguson. It was announced that no charges would be filed. What if it can go on forever? Yes, but everything after that word diminishes everything it came before. Well, I know, but it can only hurt you. Decide. Take a step and land on something. You've come this far. You must want it. What do you know? You know you want it. What do you know? I know. I've been there. Just go for it and live your life. Okay. Okay? Ladies and gentlemen, I am so pleased to introduce you to the person who will not only be replacing me, but will make you forget you've been in me. I'm so happy to be leaving you in such a capable man to your new life. But would you listen to me? No. I told you. Get the salmon. The salmon is filling. Tasty. And once you get it, your need for those pasta carbs goes away. But no. No, you had to order the heavy cream sauce. No, I'd be a very happy stomach if you did that. Anything else, miss? No. We have an amazing dessert special. Oh, don't you dare. No. No, you're not getting dessert. I'm still full. Together we'll make you healthier. Stronger. You'll live longer. And this is that moment where you make it all possible. Please. I gave that up a long time ago. They like us to believe. Like me? Like me to you? Like people. Like people with each other. You know, my friend, I'll give you something. Amen? Make so difference to me. So. Over easy? You know me. Always sunny side up. Ground temperature is a balmy, 200 degrees Fahrenheit. Those of you continuing on your flight with us, please stay on the craft. We will be departing in just 30 minutes. If this is your final destination, please check your seating area for your personal items before declining. Thank you for flying Virgin Galactic. Dad, will we get to see Grandma? And Grandma? Now, a moment of silence. To remember all of those who sacrificed their lives for space travel. You joke. I'm outrageous. Now. Get out your belt. Here we go. Can't believe they give us a how-to for dying. I'll bet there's an online tutorial. Tell her she's not alone and then it's okay to go. I've got her touch. She must be. Mom, go to the light. It's okay to go. Her breathing is slowing. Mom, do you see it?