 So there's a saying that says men seek sex hoping to find love and women give sex hoping to find love So we think about that Some oddity there, but the reality is is men oftentimes do seek a physical connection with a woman believing that through this physical experience they might have that feeling of love that they might feel connected and that sort of thing and while there's a lot of truth through physical intimacy to feel genuinely connected with another human being The reality is is a relationship is a lot more than that and yet many of you were probably focused or think that men Merely want sex and that certainly seems to be the case because Men will oftentimes have sex with women that they have no real intention to explore a relationship with This is why if you watch my channel on a regular basis, I Continually support the idea of actually getting to know someone at least on a base level Before you're physically intimate with them and while I'm not here to preach when to have sex with somebody And by the way, I'll tell you what men want way more than sex what they really want way more than sex in a moment I'm not here to preach when to have sex with someone I certainly want to advocate that if you get easily attached to a man through the physical experience Then you should maybe wait a little bit before you're physically intimate with someone This is why I've developed a system called cares cares C A R E S the C stands for don't have sex with a man until you feel comfortable with them Until you feel comfortable with them what that at whatever that means to you the A stands for be aware of The consequences and what I mean to say is as I said earlier if you get attached to a man physically Very easily then you might need to be aware of that the R stands for learn his real Intentions real intentions when I mean to say is is this person in it for the short run or is this person in it for the long run? The E stands for Exclusivity Exclusivity and what I'm merely here to say is if you're going to have regular sex with someone Then that regular sex should be at least monogamous or exclusive with one another the S stands for Safety and what I mean to be is say is is your environment safe to be with this person? And are you physically safe to be with this person versus catching cooties or that sort of thing? So why am I over emphasizing the sex piece here in this conversation when this has nothing to do with sex? What men really want beyond sex? I think it's rather important to recognize that sex is part of the decision-making process men make into Choosing a partner and by the way a lot of you ladies feel the same way a lot of you ladies feel like you don't want to Hold out for a long period of time only to find out if you're not sexually compatible with one another and sex is an Important component to a healthy happy relationship and what I mean is a really Like it some people are just pump-and-dump type of people men and women alike well Men and women don't pump and dump, but men certainly can and Oftentimes there are plenty of women who are only in it for the sexual gratification So it's understandable that there are a lot of people that hook up these days and the reality is is our Dating process has literally been set up with hookup because of these devices Because of these devices and what I mean to say it's interesting I was watching a video that shared that men swipe 60% of the time on women's profiles while women only swipe Four and a half to five percent of the time on men's profiles And I thought well why such a difference are men more forgiving in the process and women more picky? No, it's just men will sleep with women They have no interest in being with far more than women will women tend to be more selective So if you're going to be selective in the process, which I'm a big proponent of being a bit selective not Being too picky, but certainly knowing what your standards are what the your who's Compatible with you to determine does this person share the same values with me It's important to be discerning. I'm hugely a big proponent of being discerning in the early stages of dating Being too picky can oftentimes get in our way Okay, so what so we've just explored the sex piece and just to put a end cap to this There's a saying women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment So what that means is men as I said earlier swipe 60% of the time because they'll have sex with whomever they want And women are the gatekeepers of sex so they choose who they're gonna have sex with but ultimately men are the gatekeepers of commitment And what that means is what does it take for a man to commit? Beyond the physical component of a relationship. What does it take for a man to commit? Now many of my contemporaries will tell you what men need most than anything else They need most anything else is to feel respected by a woman To feel respected to feel that sense that she actually values him and looks up to him and respects him as a human being And while that's certainly true, I think men and women alike want to feel respected By their partner, that's a huge component to be in a healthy happy relationship It's rather difficult these days to really respect someone who has weak emotional skills and weak relationship skills Yeah, it's hard to respect people have weak skills I think part of the problem is that the reality is is we are dating in a rather dysfunctional society a dysfunctional society and what I mean is that their emotional maturity and relationship skills Are rather weak and their ability to actually to Emote emotional intimacy in a relationship, and I think this is true of men and women alike This is one of the reasons why I recommend the book emotional intimacy by Robert Masters I highly recommend checking out this book To actually learn the skills to be to actually emote in relationship By the way, all the books I recommend are listed below By the way, if you find value in my content really quickly hit that like button share this video with your friends subscribe to my channel Also in the description below you may want to check out a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you Because I do believe that one of the challenges with the Mating dating mating a relating process today the dating marketplace today is most humans have weak Relationship skills at best and this is why if you haven't seen this chart before I want to share this with you It's emotional maturity and relationship skills chart by the way, this is merely if this is not a fact It's merely opinion I believe there are people that have clinical issues that makes it difficult for them to lean into Relationship and while I say 20% are healthy most everybody else is dysfunctional in their relationship skills So why is it important to know this? Why is it important to know that the vast majority of people are struggling with good relationship skills? And this is true of men and women alike is because if you're going to put yourself out there Beyond the sexual piece of a relationship I think it's really important to hone your skills to hone your communication skills One of the books I recommend them Jonathan recommend books is a book called non-violent communication by Marshall Rosenberg Why do I advocate for this book because the reality is is many people you know It's funny women say to me Jonathan communication is the most important thing in relationship Yet oftentimes see women just because you can vomit your feelings doesn't need necessarily mean you Share and express yourself in a way that can be seen heard and understood So men tend to think more in a logical progression and women tend to emote more But that doesn't necessarily mean that you'll moat in a way that can be that can land on someone This is why honing your skills To really be in a healthy happy relationship Can make a big difference in attracting a healthy happy relationship in your life So I just shared with you respect is what many of my contemporaries say and what I want to lean into Today is something from the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman if you haven't read this book I highly recommend that you read this book as a prerequisite to your dating experiences to your experiences of putting yourself out there to be seen heard and understood by men because this Is what men want way more than sleeping with you And what I like is what's talked about in chapter six. So let me open up my trusty book and share with you what chapter six says Chapters by the way, the idea of eight dates is these are eight separate conversations to have with a person to see if you're on the same page and I think it's really important in the early stages of dating once you've determined that there's mutual attraction for one another and you both Are intentional about exploring a relationship together. Let me repeat that you're both intentional about exploring a relationship together That you learn the fundamentals that you learn the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship This is why I continually recommend this book because this gives you an architect architecture To creating Deeper intimacy with a person by going beyond the surface that most people do most people are so surface level in relationship How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Is your day going? Well That's their conversations about their day and not about their inner world of what really matters way more than the surface level aspects of a relationship to go deeper into the inner world And this is why I recommend this book But one thing men ultimately want When they are choosing a partner, this is so critically important. And let me just say this This isn't just what men want. You want the same thing And the chapter is called fun and adventure play with me What men want Yes, we want the physical intimacy. We want to have sex with you. That's part of it and you want it too Let's face it. What's the point of being in a romantic relationship if you can't be physically connected with one another? That is one of the most intimate acts With another human being is that physicality and at the same time What makes a man want to commit to you if men women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment They want fun and play And i'm just going to read just the beginning opening of this chapter our lives and relationships are better brighter and more fun When we remember to play when we inject some adventure When is the last time your partner tried something new together? When is the last time the two you went on an adventure? When was the last time you laughed together act silly together? If you can't remember that then you are then you are in some serious need of play infusion Play is necessary in a vital part of our relationships Plain plain and simple couples who play together stay together That's right. Ultimately what's going to take your relationship to a much deeper level is actually interjecting regular play with one another It's funny. I'm wearing my t-shirt save Ferris Ferris Bueller's day off It's kind of an interesting metaphor because what did Ferris Bueller want to do? He didn't want to go to school. He wanted to play. He wanted to go out and explore the world Now that might be childish But at the same time what I witnessed in so many couples these days and so Actually so few couples that they actually make time for play as a part of their relationship You know, it's interesting as I'm sharing this right now. I'm thinking of my younger brother Who when he met his wife some 20 someone years ago This is right when play stations were coming about And they both had a play station and they often would play video games together My my brother's in his 50s now. So let me just say he's not a spring He's not a youngster by any stretch of the means but they still to this day play together They go on adventures together. It's one of the things I respect and admire about my brother is that his His relationship has so much play with him and his partner They've been happily married for over 20 plus years now If you know my rhetoric, you know One of the things I often say is I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together Doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together Teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life and intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy And did you hear me mention hobbies? What are the things that you like to do together that bring out the little kid inside of you? I know my mother and father who were married 66 years before my my mother passed away I mean for probably my entire life. I remember my father would come home from work He'd have dinner with us. Well, first he'd go outside to play basketball and throw the baseball with my brother and I We'd have dinner and then my mother and father would go out in the backyard and they'd play backgammon together And they would play a dollar a game And I will tell you it was like world war three when the two of them played I mean, they were just throwing the dice and yelling and screaming at each other for a dollar a game Most of the time my mother won. She was very good at it That my father was good at too, but they played together Why is it so few couples these days? Don't incorporate play and fun as part of their relationship because we are so indoctrinated in these beliefs about how relationships speak should be Because we're stuck on gender rhetoric. This is why I recommend reading the book if the buddha dated if the buddha dated Why because I'm a big proponent we should throw out the gender expectations of how the dating process should be And this book totally outlines a way to approach it from a more heart-centered place Rather than the expectation place we have been raised in a predominant patriarchal society Where it's men are expected to be the leaders of relationship and ladies I'm here to say if you're giving that person that job you're giving it to the wrong person You are in charge of your relationship destiny not a man And so I think of one of my good friends who began a relationship with someone And she is a young youthful playful person and she interjected hiking into his routine as one of their Fun things they would do each weekend or they do each weekend To actually bond with the person so here's the bottom line that i'm getting at While sex as I said before is an important component For building a healthy happy relationship while real while respect is absolutely important To building a healthy happy relationship one thing that seems so lacking today Is people that organize and have fun together? So I invite you to look inside yourself. How do you interject fun and play? And more importantly, how are you playful? I can tell you these days In the dating process for me personally I've gone out with a lot of women who literally you could literally You could see all the men that hurt them Standing right behind them on a first date and they had literally resting bitch face During the first date How is that showing up fun and playful? Why would someone want to gravitate to a person who's already got a predisposition to being angry at men? It's not going to happen So it starts very early on by being playful by being fun by being having laughter and certainly humor Is an important component to fun and play as well And I don't mean sexual humor. I mean playfulness. I remember one of my friends When she met her boyfriend She threw an ice cube at him at a bar. She threw an ice cube at him at a bar just to get his attention And he's like looked at her kind of funny and next thing, you know, he walks up She walks up to him I believe to apologize and she was cute and flirty and playful at that time The next thing you know, they developed a relationship together by starting with something playful Isn't it sad That our little kids Aren't part of the dating process that these days were so guarded with one another Or so guarded with one another because we expect to get hurt And yet here's the thing ladies. There are so many good men out there I know you're frustrated with the dating process. There's so good men. There's so many good men out there They're just bad daters So I invite you To hone your playful skills to hone those flirting skills to bring out the little kid in a guy So you can actually have fun adventure and play in your relationship Which will actually help you bond with another human being More so than focusing Certainly, I don't recommend focusing on the sex piece and while everybody I believe on some level wants to feel respected What's way deeper and more important than sleeping with someone is to feel like you're you can be your little kid with someone And have play and fun with that person because that will take the relationship to a whole another level Is this sinking and is this resonating? Please let me know post a comment below hit that like button Share this video hit the subscribe button if you if you find value And if you'd like to speak to me check out a free discovery call or check out the links to the books. I recommend And maybe I can help you attract that great partner in your life who wants something more than just sleeping with you All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up today's video first And then I'm going to do it the way I always do first I've given myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to a friend a pat a teddy bear pillow. Here's a teddy bear. See a playful teddy bear All right, give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love And let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now