 The Jell-O program brought to you by Jell-O and Jell-O Puttings, coming to you from the Presidio in San Francisco starring Jack Benny, with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with The K-Sounds Go Rolling Along. Never in all the 40 years or more that folks have been buying Jell-O, has Jell-O tasted more delicious. And the reason? Jell-O's wonderful new locked-in flavor. By means of an exclusive Jell-O process, Jell-O's well-tempting flavor is locked in to give you extra goodness, new delight, richer enjoyment, for Jell-O today is better than ever. Now that its tangy tantalizing flavor is locked right into the tiny Jell-O particles, Jell-O offers you new high in pleasure. More than ever, its intriguing goodness brings to mind the grand refreshing flavor of the juicy ripe fruit itself. More than ever, Jell-O gives you real dessert delight, and all because of this new Jell-O process that locks in the magic of Jell-O's glorious flavor. You can prove for yourself that this delicious Jell-O flavor actually is locked in. Open a package of Jell-O. Notice there's no sweet fruity odor, no tell-tale aroma to warn of escaping flavor. And then dissolve the Jell-O and notice how its marvelous captive goodness comes pouring out in a rich gush of fragrance and flavor. So ask your grocer tomorrow for several packages of Jell-O. And discover for yourself how much better and richer Jell-O is now that its famous flavor is locked in. Long played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, in as much as we are broadcasting from the U.S. Army Post at the Presidio in San Francisco, and this being the birthday of George Washington, it is only fitting that we bring you a man who fought heroically for that great general at Valley Forge, Jack Benny. Thank you, thank you. Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don, that was the most ridiculous introduction I ever heard. Imagine saying that I fought at Valley Forge. Why, it's absurd. But, Jack, you told me to mention your war record. I meant the World War. The Battle of Valley Forge took place over 160 years ago. My goodness, that would make me older than Fred Allen. Much. Now, wait a minute, Jack. Fred Allen is younger than you are and you know it. What did you say, big boy? What did you say? I said Fred Allen is younger than you are. That's a military secret, and I'm going to tell the Colonel on you. You heard him, fellas. Allen younger than me. I like to have muscles as hard as his arteries. Anyway, Don, it's nice being up here in Frisco, as they don't say, isn't it? Ah, yes, Jack, it certainly is. And by the way, Don, as long as I'm paying everybody's expenses on this trip, may I inquire where you're stopping? Oh, the little woman and I have a lovely suite at the Fairmont Hotel. A suite, eh? That's several rooms, isn't it? Yes. You see, Jack, I'm a pretty big man, and when I take my belt off at night, I spread out. I don't care if you overflow like a volcano getting to one room. You don't need a suite. But Jack, Peggy and I have a lot of friends here in town, and we wanted a place where we could serve tea in the afternoon. Oh, tea, eh? Well, from now on, brother, your friends can lift their Lipton's in the lobby. Get into one room. All I say is what's good enough for me is good enough for my cast. Well, perhaps you're right. By the way, Jack, where are you stopping? Who, me? Oh, uh, oh, Dennis and I have a beautiful room at the Ocean Spray Auto Court. Uh, over in Alameda, it's a lovely place that's run by a retired ferryboat captain. Well, in fact, that's what it is, an old ferryboat. Uh, we're living in what was formerly the poop deck. Of course, it's been redecorated, you know. Well, that sounds quite novel. Have you a private bath? What was that, Don? I said, have you a private bath? Well, there's a boat on the door, if that's what you mean. You, uh, you must, uh, come over sometime, Don. The Ocean Spray Auto Court. Is that right on the ocean front? No, it's not exactly on the ocean. It's very nice, though. Well, can you see the ocean? No, you can't actually see it, Don. But when the west wind is blowing over those mud flats, you just know it's there. And if the breeze is, well, if it isn't Miss Livingston, say hello to the soldiers, Mary. Hi, you boys, let's hear some noise. Pass for it, and you got it. I can't understand it, Mary, but every time we entertain the soldiers, you get a much bigger reception than I do. Why is that? I guess my legs are prettier than yours. How cutey. Oh, I don't know about that, young lady. Now, I'll leave it to Eddie. Oh, roll down your pants. Who cares? Well, you start over. By the way, Mary, as long as you're here, I want to settle something right now in front of Don Wilson and all the fellas here. Who is older, Fred Allen or me? I'm not chasing either one of you. I can still get fire and thefts, Marty. And anyhow, just because I have a few gray hairs doesn't mean I'm an old dodo. Doesn't mean you're cutting teeth, either. Well, I'm glad you mentioned that, Mary, because it so happens that I have a brand-new tooth coming in. So there. Where's it coming in from? Sears and robux? No, it's not coming in from Sears and robux. They don't even handle them. Oh, you checked on it, eh? And let me tell you something else. The next one that mentions Fred Allen has to pay his own expenses in San Francisco. By the way, Mary, where are you stopping? Oh, I have a lovely suite at the Sir Francis Drake. Hmm. Listen, Mary, you could very well have taken one room instead of two. I've got three. Yikes! What do you need three rooms for? Well, I've got a lot of friends in town, and I have to have a place where I can serve tea in the afternoon. Tea, tea. Everybody giving tea parties. Funny thing, I'm never invited. Jack, how could we reach you? You haven't even got a telephone on that broken down ferry boat. You could wig-wag, sister. You could wig-wag. You got the wig. How could we wag it? I mean with flag. You may laugh at the Ocean Spray AutoCord, Mary, but it's lovely there, isn't it, Dennis? I said it's lovely there, isn't it, Dennis? Do you mind if I take a bow first, Mr. Benny? No, no. Go right ahead. It's lovely there. What? Oh, oh, you mean the AutoCord? Yes. Yes, it is. Hmm, what a kid. Well, Dennis, this is your first trip to San Francisco, isn't it? I suppose you've been sightseeing and everything. I'll say. I went to see a rock in Chinatown and Twin Peaks in Chinatown and Fly Shack a Zoo in Chinatown and... What do you keep going back to Chinatown for? I left my hat there someplace. Oh, well, I hope you find it. Me too. Am I sick of chop suey? Dennis, you don't have to eat every time you go there. What else did you do, Dennis? Well, now let's see. Oh, yes, last night I went over to Treasure Island to see the World's Fair. The World's Fair? Save your money, brother. It ain't much. Dennis, there isn't any World's Fair. It's been closed for two years. Gee, I could swear I saw a fan dancer. A fan dancer? You know, kid, I'd give a thousand dollars for your imagination. At your age, it's a bargain. Oh, sure. Well, Dennis, now that you're here, the boys would like to have you do a song. What's it going to be? I'm going to sing a brand new number called Private Buckaroo. Good. Let's have it, kid. Hold it a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes? On behalf of the officers and the men of the Presidio, I would like to present you with this regulation army uniform. Say, thanks. But it's awfully big for me. It's so large. Well, we thought you might want to place where you could serve tea in the afternoon. Get a load of his head, fellas. It's a G.I. haircut, if I ever... A G.I. means government issue, folks. Sing, Dennis. He was known as... Say, Mr. Benny. What is it, kid? We sure had a lot of excitement that the streets of Paris cafe the other night, didn't we? Yes, yes. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Why did they throw you out? You didn't do anything. Forget it, kid. Forget it. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Wait a minute. I want to know what happened at the streets of Paris the other night. Oh, there was a little argument, that's all. I and I were out for an evening of fun, so we walked into this cafe with a couple of cute girls. Yeah, we followed them for miles. We caught up with them at the bottom of the steps. Well, anyway, we all went inside, and Dennis asked for a glass of milk, and I ordered a lemon phosphate. At the streets of Paris? They sent out for us. Anyway, as we were sitting there with the girls, chatting and laughing, a great big guys walked over to us, and one of them said, what are you two punks doing with our girls? So Dennis jumped up and said, you want to make something out of it? Yeah. You little rascal. And the next thing I knew, I was laying out on Mason Street. It could happen to anybody. Say, whatever became of you that night, Dennis. Oh, the boys got a girl for me, and we all went out. Oh, good. How are you, Phil? How are you, Jackson? Hello, fellas, were you worried about me? There's the only Marcelled Ham I ever saw. Well, Phil, here we are in San Francisco, the old town as peppy as ever, isn't it? Yes, sir, and I'm sure getting the kick out of broadcasting for the soldiers here at the Presidio. That's Presidio. Presidio. All right, how far did I miss it? That's right. For you, that's a bullseye. By the way, Phil, I'm doing a little checking up around here. Where are you stopping in time? Well, I got a suite over at the Palace Hotel. You got a what? Well, here we go again. You can sing that, sister. Listen, Harris, what's the idea of getting a suite? Well, I got a lot of friends in town, and I need a place where I can... I know, I know, a place where you can serve tea. Tea, what's that? Pardon me, you wouldn't know. A tea, Phil, is a beverage that you can serve in the afternoon, and no furniture will be broken. Catch on? They took all the furniture out of my room, wise guy. Oh, yeah, just a carpet and a bucket of ice. That's Harris. Hey, fellas, you want to hear something? This is a town where I started out 15 years ago on my musical career in the old rose room at the St. Francis Hotel. The rose room, huh? Yeah. And the only guy that's still with me is Frank Remley, my guitar player. How come Franky's been with you so long? Look, Jackson, if I had on you what he's got on me, I'd be the star of this show. Oh, ho, I always thought that guitar had a dictaphone in it. Well, let's have a band number, Phil, and show the boys here how you've improved in 15 years. Okay, Jackson. Wait a minute, nobody's playing anything until I read my poem. Mary, what is this? Every time we visit a camp, you have to write a poem. That's right. Well, you're not going to read one today. I forbid it. Colonel Monteney said I could. Oh, he did, eh? Listen, Mary, who's running this post? Me or the... Uh-oh, what am I saying? Gosh. Boy, are you going to peel potatoes? Well, Mary, if the Colonel wants to hear your poem, I'm only too happy to oblige him. What's the title of it? I Like a Soldier. Boy. She means I like a soldier, boy. I know what I mean. Okay. Okay, read your poem. I love soldiers there, so gay, and they're charming, I might say. So give me a soldier any day or any night if he can get away. Hey, not bad. Continue. I went dancing at the Y, and I saw a handsome guy. I dropped my hanky trim with lace. He picked it up and wiped his face. You, uh... You mean he passed you by? He passed me by without a glance. So I spoke to him and took a chance. Say, buddy, would you like to dance? I'd love to, miss, but I ripped my shirt. But you ripped it. Yeah. Mary, that doesn't rhyme. It rhymed at rehearsal. Oh, yeah. That's a very good poem, Mary. Now, Phil, let's have a... Oh, wait a minute. Last verse, all out. Good. If you listen as all could see, these young men in front of me, and win the war with a great big score, the end. That last verse really made sense, and I'm sure everybody will dig down and get those defense bonds. And incidentally, ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that our program this evening is being short-waved by radio station KGEI to Alaska, Hawaii, Australia, New Zealand, to the United States Fleet in the Pacific, to the American Expeditionary Force in Java, to General MacArthur and his men, and I do mean men in the Philippines, also to the American Volunteer Flyers guarding the Burma Road. So go ahead with your number, Phil, and I don't have to tell you to play loud. You will, anyway. Two played by Phil Harris and his Golden Gate Orchestra. Golden meaning, golden notes pour forth from their instruments, and gate meaning they may soon get same. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Well, that's a fine thing to say after what we went through to get up here. What do you mean? We worked there last night until 2 a.m. And then tired and weary, we got on a bus and started out for fast and successful. And 473 miles of tough driving across deserts and mountains. And then we went through rain and storm, little knowing what dangers lurk ahead of us. Danger. And when we arrived this morning hungry and thirsty and disheveled, our first thought was to rush over here and rehearse three hours for this broadcast. Can you imagine all that trouble? Just for one lousy number? Yeah, don't seem right. Hungry, thirsty and disheveled. Well, that's loyalty for you. Yeah, remind me, Phil, when we get back to Hollywood, I'll give the boys a bonus. They do look disheveled. Those guys look disheveled every week. Come to think of it, they're thirsty every week, too. Forget that bonus, Phil. And now, folks... You mean to say you're really going to give the hand out a bonus? Yes, I was going to hand out a bonus. What are you laughing at? You wouldn't give a dog a top bonus. Mary, one more crackers like that is and a floor walker at the May Company will be your new straight man. I wish you'd go to Sausalito. All right, Don, I wish Mary would go to Sausalito. Oh, Jack, this is the most ridiculous one yet. Don, I wish Mary would go to Sausalito. It's a nice little town across the bay. I know where it is, and I'm not going to do that silly commercial. Don, I'm warning you, Sausalito. Oh, very well. Ladies and gentlemen, the next time you... No, no, I won't do it. Sausalito. Oh, well, ladies and gentlemen, the next time you go to your neighborhood grocer, why don't you ask him for a package of jello? Jello is economical. In fact, you're never Sausal marvelous value for Sausalita sum of money. Now, get this clever switch, folks. Don, if Mary doesn't feel like going to Sausalito, she can go to Berkeley. This I won't do. Don, Mary can go to Berkeley. You can go to... Don! Now, go ahead. Try jello, folks. You will enjoy every one of those delicious flavors. Straw Berkeley, rasp Berkeley, cherry... Lime Berkeley, you ruined it. You ruined the cleverest commercial I ever wrote. I can't understand it. I can't understand it. You can't understand what? All these men under arms and you haven't been shot yet. What are you talking about? It was a brilliant piece of writing, wasn't it, Phil? Well, to tell you the truth, Jackson, I thought it was pretty corny. Oh, you did, eh? What'd you think of it, Dennis? Well, personally, I thought it was very... Very what? You have slugged me. I will not. Hey, maybe you fellas didn't get the gag. Now, look, Sausalito is a pun for such a little. Well, naturally, when Don said that... Wait a minute, I'll take it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny, this is Rochester. What do you want, Rochester? Say, boss, I think you ought to check into a hotel tonight. Why, what's the matter? You know that old fairy boat we've been living on? Yes. Well, the tide came in. Impossible. That boat was on dry land. It had roses growing around the door. The bear crew is nibbled on now. Well, I guess there's nothing we can do about it. Mr. Rochester, bring my trunk and suitcases over here, and I'll go to a hotel tonight. Uh-oh. What are you owing about? Don't tell me you left my trunk and everything in the boat. Don't tell me I didn't. What do you mean? Well, boss, at the time was the unexpected launching. Yes? Due to no women and children, I got off first. Imagine leaving my trunk and all my stuff on the boat. I bet you even left my washing hanging up on the mast. Yes. You ought to see it, boss. The sun shining through your shorts is a vision of sheer beauty. The heck with the beauty? I want my clothes. Now, let's see. There's no rowboat around there. I got it. Rochester, can you swim? What's that, boss? I said, can you swim? No, sir. You can too. Not with a trunk on my back. I can read your mind. Well, I'll tell you what, Rochester. I'll be through here pretty soon. Then we can rent a motorboat and go out and get it. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss, now what? After we get all straightened out, can I have the night off? Why, where are you going? Well, I got some friends in Oakland and they invited me over for tea. Tea? Yeah, only we're going to break up the furniture. So, we're all right if we get too early enough. So long. So long, boss. Can you imagine anything like that? What's the matter, Mr. Benny? You know that ferry boat you and I were living on? Yeah. Now, play well. Now for a new jello dessert that's really swell. Something different and something mighty delicious too. It's a tempting new treat called Jerry Cubes with Pineapple, a brilliant combination of golden canned pineapple and rich crimson jello cherry jello. Here's a clever jello receipt that is simply unrivaled for lovely shimmering color and delightful flavor. Yet it's one of the easiest desserts you ever made. All you have to do is dissolve a package of jello imitation flavor and one pint of hot water and hot pineapple juice. Turn into a loaf pan and chill until firm. Then cut into cubes and pile in sherbet glasses along with three slices of canned pineapple dice. The result will be a grand treat, a dessert that the whole family will love. Golden nuggets of canned pineapple deliciously blended with tiny glistening cubes of bright red cherry jello. So get a package of cherry jello tomorrow and make up this gay colorful treat. Just remember when you buy to be sure to get genuine jello the jello's locked-in flavor gives you extra richness. We're a little late, so good night, folks. Friends, every time you order jello from your grocer, ask him for jello puddings in all three flavors, chocolate, vanilla and butterscotch. There's jello vanilla pudding, gloriously creamy and full of rich homemade flavor that makes every spoonful a mellow delight. This program came to you from Hollywood. This is the National Broadcasting Company. K-F-I, Los Angeles. Use seal coat, liquid nail protector. Seal coat protects nails and aid to longer nails. Seal coat protects polys from chips and Mars. Seal coat adds luster to polys, 25 cents. Seal coat your nails today and every day.