 So this morning I was reading the news about Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles breaking up. And I'm quite frankly not very surprised. Now, for those of you who live in the United States and follow these actors, most of you might probably don't. This is a couple, I believe, and I don't recall specifically, they probably, I think they met on the set of a movie she was directing and found themselves entwined in a relationship. And it went on for a couple of years. So these are Hollywood actors and actresses. Actually, Harry Styles is a musician. What I said I'm not surprised is this is a couple that met what I believe is from the perspective of lust and limerence, lust and limerence. And if you're not familiar with lust, it's when you physically desire someone, most likely from a sexual perspective. And limerence is extreme infatuation, the high infatuation. In fact, most couples actually operate from a place of attraction and not necessarily are they truly compatible from a long-term perspective in a relationship. In fact, there are coaches out there in the dating, mating and relating realm that are selling the idea of teaching men how to build attraction, the art of seduction to seduce a woman. Because it's all based on the early stages of a relationship which is attraction. And if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg chart, let me show it with everyone. You can see here that like this is an iceberg, okay? Now we see what's above the waterline in which is attraction is chemistry. But what's most important from a long-term relationship perspective is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. That equals a sense of compatibility in a relationship. Now, why is this important to discuss on a topic that's called, how to get a guy hooked on you and what's a woman's secret weapon? Well, we're gonna get into that for a second. But before we do, I really wanna lean into inviting you to ask yourself, are you looking for a serious relationship or are you looking for a casual relationship? I really want you to lean into that. Are you genuinely looking for a serious relationship? Now I understand in the early stage of dating, it's very casual. There's not a lot of expectation. And that certainly makes sense because when you, these days we're meeting total strangers for the most part, we're meeting strangers. And when we don't know much about a stranger, it takes a little bit longer time to determine if there's a real sense of do you share the same values are your lifestyles blendable one with one another? And more importantly, do they have the emotional maturity to lean into a relationship? And I've been thinking about this a lot since one of the other shows my sweetheart and I have been binge watching lately, not really binge watching. We catch an episode or two here or there is a show called Indian Matchmaker. Now why is this important to this conversation? Indian Matchmaker is about connecting couples of Indian descent, not American Indian. And what's interesting about that is one of the fundamental components of the matchmaking process is matching up to families together. And it's really interesting to lean into that for a moment. What's the importance of having your family deeply rooted in the relationship? Well, the importance of that is that when there's struggles in the relationship you have a foundation of support around you. And again, because we're meeting total strangers we have to operate from a different level of dating, mating or relating if we wanna create that foundation underneath us to support a serious committed relationship. Because you don't need much of a foundation for a casual relationship. You don't need much of a foundation for a situation ship. You don't need much of a foundation for our friends with benefits. And let me share something with all you. 90% of the relationships of those people that are not married who are out there are most likely and this is just my anecdotal perception are most likely in a casual relationship, situation ship or a friendship, friends with benefits relationship. And many of you who say you're in a relationship with someone, especially those long distance ones believe it or not, it really is most likely just a slightly glorified friends with benefits relationship. Well, I'm here to encourage deeper commitment between two people and yesterday I was pondering what does it take to become relationship ready? Because this really leans into the secret weapon what gets a guy hooked? What's it take to be relationship ready? So I actually created, this is a sloppy notes I took yesterday. I was just pondering. I call it the four stages of relationship readiness. And I believe it should happen in this order in particularly. Number one, healing childhood wounds and traumas, healing childhood wounds and traumas which includes some level of personal development, self-help, spiritual work and therapy before one ever enters out in the dating, mating and relating process, some level of therapy or personal development. If you're not familiar with the work of the Hoffman process, I talk about this book frequently. This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas for men and women alike. So they can actually have the emotional maturity to lean into a relationship. And remember I said in my relationship, iceberg, emotional maturity is one of the fundamental, not a fundamental, it's almost a necessity if you want a healthy, happy relationship. Believe me, dysfunctional relationships are quite frankly a diamond dozen. And when I say 90% of relationships are casual, they're casually dysfunctional. Dysfunctional, it's early morning. I can't speak properly. Okay, so some level of to be relationship ready is that space of actually healing from the past of childhood wounds. And more importantly for those in midlife is healing your past relationship with maybe an ex-spouse, not healing with them, but healing within oneself. I can't tell you how many women as well as men are still suffering from the wounds of their last relationships and men and women alike tend to become bitter and jaded about the future. That's one of the reasons why casual is support is the norm because human beings want companionship. They want connection. They want sex, but do they want commitment? This is part of what we're gonna lean into in a moment. Number two is clarity on the type of relationship you want. Is it casual or is it serious? How to vet men and women, how to vet if they're compatible with you? This is the Indian matchmaker philosophy, is vetting for compatibility. And also the second piece of that, or excuse me, vetting for compatibility. This is what I teach in my private coaching. By the way, there's a link right here, schedule a discovery call with me to see if coaching is right for you. This is what I teach. This is my Arab expertise. The next area is how are you gonna meet this person? Well, there's a lot of coaches teaching that, but again, they're teaching it on the surface level of attraction. They're seeking, they're teaching some simple skills to build attraction. And yet oftentimes what's missing is how to vet if this person is compatible with you. And in my coaching, I focus more on a law of attraction base of attraction, or excuse me, how to meet someone. And while online dating happens to be the predominant place people are meeting these days, it's where I met my beloved. I'll be, I'm very grateful for that. By the way, I still have a lot of friends and people in my clients who are meeting organically. And last and most important is how to maintain your relationship and make it thrive. This is, by the way, if you don't know this in advance, you are setting yourself up for another, I don't wanna say a failed relationship but a relationship that will end. And let me say this, if you've had enough experiences where a relationship, you invest time in someone and it goes nowhere. You invest time in someone and it goes nowhere. You invest time in someone and it goes nowhere. After a while, that's gonna wear on your emotional well-being. Folks, I wrote my book, What the heck is self love anyway? Here's a copy of the book. By the way, there's a link below in all the books I recommend, Jonathan recommend books. Why I'm talking about this for a moment, it's not about dating and relationship, it's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. So you actually don't, it's like a vaccination or an antidote to the emotional chaos that happens when we don't feel good enough. We don't feel likable, we don't feel lovable. Because ladies, I'm here to say the reason why many of you are frustrated in the dating, mating or relating process and I'll share what gets a man hooked on you is you give your power away to a man. You give your power away to a man, oftentimes. Now I'm gonna share right now the seven ways women give their power away because until you learn to turn these around, you will not get a guy hooked on you until you've actually leaned into your empowerment, your sovereignty, your self-worth, your self-esteem, your self-confidence. If you, and I'm gonna tell you, most women give their power away to a man and without stepping into your power, it's gonna be rather challenging to actually get a guy hooked on you because relationship readiness I talked about starts from being in your empowered state. That's why I continually recommend the book Why Men Love Bitches and Bitch Stands for Babe in Total Control of Herself, ES. I don't love everything in this book but what I love about it is the idea is, listen, a lot of dating rhetoric out there or a lot of advice out there, especially being taught to men is the one up, one down advice that men are superior to you and you must be subservient on some level. In fact, you should be grateful that a man wants you. The problem with that narrative is it sets up really asshole guys to treat women like crap. Without any regard of do you want a serious or casual relationship? And let me tell you something, if you go in naively, what's gonna happen? Go in naively. Would you go into a fire? Would you be going to a fire naively or would you wanna put protective gear on? I think would you wanna grab a hot pot from a stove with mittens or did you just go, ah, it's okay, I can just pick them up? Having some intentionality is critically important before you ever enter into the dating process because if you go in cavalierly or naively, you're most likely setting yourself up for failure. And if you're watching my video now, you have no excuse to go in naively. All right, the seven ways women give their power away. Number one, the relationship is on his terms. You abandon your standards and boundaries. I can't begin to tell you how many women do this. They abandon their boundaries because they're fearful that if they speak up, a guy will run away. Folks, in my book, what the heck, in my book, chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing. And I'm gonna add to that to the right guy. Number two, you're afraid to speak your truth with him. Again, that's also about not establishing your boundaries. And boundaries, I like the way Brené Brown talks about boundaries. Boundaries are simply what's okay and what's not okay for me. But I wanna come back to standards for a second. You have to make the choice. Is it a serious, by the way, is it a serious relationship you want or casual relationship? Because whenever you're talking to a guy and he says, I want a relationship. By the way, I was just watching a dating coach say, ask the man, do you want a relationship? Well, the word relationship can mean a lot of things. I have a relationship with the person that my barber, or excuse me, I have a hairstylist. I have a relationship with her. I have a relationship with someone at the grocery store that I see regular basis. Those are all forms of relationship. If you're not asking what type of relationship are you looking for? And more importantly, what does it look like for you? Then it's a really, it's an empty shallow question. And most men will tell you they're not looking for a serious relationship. Why? Because they don't want to, they don't wanna make a promise they can't keep. But ultimately, if you're not at least, okay, this is the world according to Jonathan. My philosophy is this. If a man doesn't know he wants serious, he's hoping that somehow the person he's with will convince him otherwise instead of, it's like, I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. Versus, when I believe it, I will see it. You see the difference in that languaging? It starts by build it and they will come, meaning a man who wants a serious relationship operates different from someone that's, because he operates from that lust and limerence space versus a serious space, most likely. Number three, when the relationship ends, the focus is on him and not yourself. In other words, it's always what he did wrong. It's always this, it's always that. That's giving your power away when it's always about the other person. Number four, waiting for him to initiate contact. By the way, many human beings are suckling on the nipple of I need you to like me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need him to contact me so I know he really likes me. Folks, a relationship is a two lane street, two people traveling together at the same speed. If you're not familiar with the book, if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated, I highly recommend this book because it throws out all the bullshit gender rhetoric and says, how can we connect at a heart-centered level as two human beings, not masculine and feminine energy because you know, if you sit back in your feminine energy, a man will just naturally gravitate and want you because that's all you have to do is sit in your feminine. What a crock of shit, that's all. You know what you need to be is your empowerment. That's, it's not feminine or masculine. Your individual empowerment is not feminine or masculine. By the way, here's another book you may wanna check out. It's called Personhood. It really throws out the bullshit gender rhetoric and says, how do I connect to my soul as an empowered human being? That's my whole conversation is centered around individual personal development empowerment before you come to me as a coach. When you've done this work, then you wanna learn how to vet better. That's where I come in because if you don't know how to ask the right questions in the early stage of dating, to determine if he's serious or he's just casual, then you're setting yourself up for failure. I created a course to work with women that designed to specifically focus based on their personality, the critical 15 questions that must be asked. 15 critical questions to determine compatibility based on your personality because not everybody's the same. Again, wanna talk to me about it? Schedule a discovery call. Okay, another way, fifth way, women give their power where they stop doing their pre-relationship life, their interests, their activities. They change everything and morph to the guy. Number six, feeling like you can't live without him. Oh my God, Jonathan, this is the only person I've ever felt a connection with. And number seven, you think the other person is the only person in the entire universe who I'll ever have chemistry with. Folks, that is nonsense. One person isn't the only potential love in your life. Look at my sweetheart and I, we had our fair share of first, second, third dates where we thought we had chemistry with someone. We even had previous significant relationships in our lives. But ultimately, we didn't give up our power. What I appreciate most about this person, this woman, my beloved, is that she stands in her power. And more importantly, it's kind of interesting because she intuitively knew how to read men through a lot of experience. She learned how to read men. Folks, if you don't know how to read the other gender, it's gonna make it complicated and very difficult. But it's not just about reading them, it's about reading their capacity and emotional maturity because ultimately it boils down to, are they serious or is it casual? And your secret weapon is to be relationship ready to have this knowledge ahead of time. So when you do meet someone you have chemistry with, boom, it's going to ignite. If you share the same values, your lifestyles are blendable and he has emotional maturity. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. Post a comment below. Please like this video. All right. So I've started a Saturday morning routine where we're gonna have a little cup of coffee. My coffee mug says, swear a little, you'll feel better. If you have a question for me, write the word question then post the question thereafter or you can purchase a super sticker super chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. All the monies from a super sticker super chat post to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Hasley. This is him right here. He's my son who passed away in 2018. In his name, I started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and to defray the cost of personal development for those in need. So again, my mission is to empower individuals to stop operating from a narrative of attraction, lust and limerence and to start to be more intentional like this Indian matchmaker I shared before. And my hope is that you start to shift because you have a greater chance to attract a serious partner when you start from within. All right, I see we have some questions here. Corny Cobb says question, does your sweetheart swear? So folks, you know what? No, she doesn't by the way. She doesn't like it when I swear. I'll be candid with you. I don't, the only time I use the F word is sometimes when I think she's right. I say, you know, fuck you. And I say it only because when she's right, but I don't do that anymore. Listen, I swear in my videos merely as a levity. I call them sentence enhancers. It's merely to emphasize a point. It's not meant to be crass. It's meant to be like a neuro-linguistic programming shock to the system. That is why I swear. But no, my girlfriend doesn't swear. And we don't swear, I hardly swear ever at home. I only do it on my videos because I get so pashed. Most of the time when I swear, it's because I get riled up. Anyways, thank you for that question. Kit Kat says, hope you and your beautiful lady are well. That's not a question, but thank you so much. I appreciate it. Kathy says, great advice. I have heard you say before. I'm literally taking notes now. So, you know, folks, why I repeat myself? Have you ever heard the phrase, how do you get to Carnegie Hall? It's called practice, practice, practice. I repeat myself over and over. I share the same things that the crux, the crux of what I talk about is repetitive because human beings learn through repetition. If you went to go play the piano, you don't go one day just the instructor teaches you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you're done. You have to practice your scales. You practice your scales. You practice your scales. You practice your scales. You practice your scales. You practice your scales. That's how we learn. It's through a sense of repetition. It's beating it into your head. And that's what I try to do. All right, thanks for that. All right, Holly has a question. How to tell if there is true emotional connection, a man's capacity for it in early dating? How long should it take to assess this? You know, I say it takes roughly about 100 hours of face-to-face time, face-to-face time to build the first layer of trust. Now, trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is, can I count on this person when I need them? Does this person have my best interest at heart? Do my feelings matter to them as much as my feelings matter to me? That's trust. When you can feel a sense of you know this person's got your back, because the words I love you are often said in a very hollow way, because to me, I love you means I'm here. You matter. We are important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere, and I only want you. Now, that's obviously not gonna happen in the early stage of dating, but how to determine that? Again, think of my four stages, and most importantly, how have they healed in their past relationships? And most people have done little or no work to heal their past relationships, nor their childhood wounds and traumas. So how long should it take you to assess this? Listen, my girlfriend and I, now by the way, it's long distance, okay? Actually, that was, I invited her to the wedding I went to in Chicago. That's us at the wedding. So we met in Chicago. We had two, I don't even call them dates, because we met as friends, and then it turned into something romantic. So when she came to Los Angeles to visit her daughter and friends, we spent four days together. In those four days, we laid our cards on the table to determine if this is a real viable relationship. And we said, if it wasn't gonna work out, that's gonna be okay. It's about laying your cards on the table very early without the, I mean, sure kissing and romance is a part of it, it's about being detached from an outcome, detached from the person, and at the same time being genuine and honest with one another. The hard part about this, ladies, is most men and women aren't honest with themselves. Do you know most humans gaslight themselves in the form of what's known as irrationalization, L-I-E-S, a rationalization. Human beings can often rationalize their behavior because they're in their own gaslighting within their head. Spiritual people do this too. It's called spiritual bypass. It's a way to bypass cognitive thinking. And most importantly, when I say cognitive thinking, how often are humans really looking out for the other person's best interest? You know, when someone says right in the beginning, it's not you, it's me. Sometimes it's not me. When they genuinely do that from a sincere place, it's like, look, I know I could take you down the rabbit hole, but I'm not gonna go down that road with you because I know it's not gonna lead to something serious. And it might be something about the person, but at least they're taking ownership to end it earlier rather than later. So coming back to your original question, how long should it take to assess this when you've laid your cards on the table? And interestingly enough, men today don't have to make much of a commitment whatsoever to get sex. Really, there's very little commitment needed. And it's really just a potential promise of monogamy and exclusivity. Do you know most humans don't put their money where their mouth is. It used to be back in the day where if you wanted to get laid, you had to get married. You had to put your money where your mouth is. You don't have to do that anymore. This is why I created my dating vows and at least it's a potential, where's my dating vows? Oh gosh, oh, here it is. It's a potential stop, yeah. I'm not saying it's gonna work all the time. In fact, it's gonna turn most guys away. But if you've ever heard the phrase women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment, the dating vows, by the way, right in the description, there's a copy of this. So you don't have to go anywhere. It's in the description. It says, I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to clear something serious within the next three to six months. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we have regular sex together. I agree to not actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process of getting to know one another. I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back, ghosting or disappearing. I agree to invest regular time in the process of getting to know you, which looks like let's spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional lives, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. One of the reasons why I teach in my private coaching how to vet a guy, those 15 critical questions to ask based on your personality is before you get to this part, you better make sure that he's in a position to actually want to do this. Folks, our dating process is so hyper-focused on romance. Do you realize that? It's more focused on romance and attraction and very little vetting for compatibility. This is why if you're really attracted to a guy, then you have to become your own matchmaker. This means you gotta be dispassionate from the chemical component of the relationship and be cognitive or logical. Does this person have the capacity? Because just because someone says their relationship ready, do they actually have the capacity to be ready? And if you want some support with that, then schedule a call with me, I'll help you with that. Holly, I went on a long-winded way to answer your question. Thank you so much for that one, I appreciate it. All right, Pam says, I love swearing. Well, not all the time, but a sentence answer is great. Thanks so much. Kathy says, I'm shifting, staying in my power using these suggestions now with the new relationships. Great to hear. Let's keep going. Here we have another question. If you did not lose your power, wait, if you did not lose your power, still kept. It's not a question. Question, my top love language is words of affirmation, but I notice when a man is very complimentary right away, I don't trust it as if it's not authentic or love bombing. How can I determine if it's real? Great question. Folks, if you're not familiar with the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, by the way, there's this book recommended below. The Five Love Languages, this is how we connect oftentimes on emotional level with a person. The Five Love Languages are words of affirmation or for us, Leo's, it's words of adoration, physical touch, quality time, acts of service and gifts. So listen, love bombing, we have to differentiate between love bombing that's pursuing sex with you versus, listen, I'm a guy, I've loved bomb. I mean, listen, I've been in that state or lust of limerence. Okay, even with my girlfriend, I was a little bit love bombing, not a lot, a little bit, but the thing is, when a man is over the top and not cognitive to the mechanics of a healthy, happy relationship, it's usually a bad sign, not always, but usually. It's definitely a red flag. This is why ladies, if you ever heard the phrase, men are the gas, women are the brakes, brakes, brakes, brakes, brakes. If he love bombs you, he's gotta wait longer to have sex with you. That's my invitation for you anyway. You gotta spend more time face to face those hundred hours together, hundred hours of face to face time to build that first layer of trust. And if you're not familiar with the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman, chapter one is all about trust and commitment. Understand this, because if you don't, you might be setting yourself up for failure. Hillary, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Nazarene, I can't even pronounce your name. Question, how do I prioritize my partner without neglecting my own needs of self-care? I feel that he wants me to focus on him based on my decisions and needs. So remember I said in the seven ways women give their power away? The fifth way I shared is you stop doing your pre-relationship life, your interests, your activities and friends. Now, once you begin a relationship with someone, it's natural to have a shift in your daily life. It's just natural. But it's so important to keep part of your old routine that might include going to the gym. It means like my best friends, my dear friends and I get together most every Friday night or every other Friday night, we make sure that we spend time with those other people in our lives so we don't feel so all consumed by our relationship. So it requires balance. And listen, once someone enters into your life, they're naturally going to, it's gonna involve time and not but, and you make time for those other things that are equally important for you. All right, does that help? Thanks so much for that question. Let's keep, oh, here we go. Kathy has a question. I started dating a great guy. We have a great connection. Shared values blend of a lifestyle but he is casually dating two other women. He is enjoying the attention. He is enjoying the attention. That's not a question. So listen, I'm not a big proponent of folks. I'm not a big proponent of multi-dating circular dating. What did I hear someone else call it? There's another name. I'm not a big proponent of dating two people at the same time. If two people are having sex together, remember coming back to my dating vows. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together. I agree to not actively meet and date others while we're in the dating process including taking down our dating profiles. If he wants an opportunity to your vagina, listen, this is the big problem today. Because of these devices, we can quickly swipe. We can quickly swipe and connect with someone really fast. Or we can be talking to multiple people at the same time because communication now can be done with, you know, I did an article once called E-tethering, how men can be talking to five women at once. Folks, the way to get to know someone is 100 hours of face-to-face time. That's just to build the first layer of trust. You really don't get to know someone until you live with them. So listen, proximity, I mean, this is about distance. Proximity creates continuity. Write this down, someone write this down. Proximity creates continuity. The closer two people live together, the greater chance for success or the more two people spend time together, the greater chance for success. And if they're off dating other people, they're assessing their options. I'm not a big proponent of this. Now, I'm not against meeting other people at the same time, that's different. But the minute my beloved and I made an agreement to explore a relationship, we stopped meeting other people. We took down our dating profiles and we agreed to invest in one another because we knew if we had a chance, we'd have to be able to invest a significant amount of time together. And that's what we did before we moved in together. All right, thank you so much for that question, Kathy. By the way, please donate to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund by hitting that dollar sign, okay? All the monies go to the Hoffman Process Insights Institute. So if I'm making a difference right now, please, please donate. I'd love to be able to give more monies away to charity. Oh, also I have a new store. In other words, if you go to my site, my YouTube channel and click store, I'm now selling merchandise. One is called Salty Love, which relates to Connor, because that was his nickname. All right, let's just keep going. Alina says, Aline, a line. Question, when he is recently divorced and came up with, wait, when he is recently divorced and come up with serious relationship proposal, but then fails to keep it due to not being emotionally stable yet, you feel he was genuine. Move on. Listen. Emotionally stable people use you as therapists. Oh, excuse me, emotionally unstable people use you as their therapist. They will use up all your feminine, they will use up, I'm gonna use feminine energy here, femininity. They'll use all the beautiful aspects of female compassion and sympathy and care. And then the minute he's healed, he'll be on to the next woman. You do not want to date someone who says, clearly says I'm emotionally unstable right now. Run, forest, run. Does anyone agree with me? Please let me know. Okay. Ah, let's see. Let's keep going. All right. We have a question. What if all aspects of relationship is wonderful, accept blendability? Do you give a relationship a chance? Listen, remember I started this broadcast. Do you want something casual or do you want something serious? If you want something casual, have casual fun with someone. But if you want someone serious, if you cannot blend lives together, it's going to be problematic. One of the primary reasons why many relationships fail today is because they can't blend lives together. And without that, listen, in my mind, what's the point of dating if you don't want to get married or live together? What's the point? It's then just merely something casual. Folks, I said this earlier. You can be naive to all this. In fact, I'm going to say something. Many of you are fucking delusional. You have this delusion that relationship should be easy. It's a relationship actually should feel very safe and comfortable. But to get there requires work. We are meeting strangers today. We no longer live in tribes and villages and towns where, right, I mean, we used to operate from a place of scarcity. All we had was what was in front of us. Now with all these options, people aren't serious about commitment anymore. The biggest problem today is, in fact, I just heard that by 2030, there are going to be more, 45% of women are going to be single without children. We are seeing less commitment than ever before, which means your job is to vet this person. That's your, it is a job. You have to treat meeting people and vetting as a part-time job. And you can be delusional to this. You can be in the fantasy realm that it should just be as easy as it is in Cinderella or the movies, like it's going to happen by chance. No, it's going to take a lot of fucking work to make it happen. The work starts with that individual personal development, self-help and spiritual work first. Then you got to learn how to vet someone. Then you got to put yourself out to be met. And then you better know the skills, how to make a relationship work. And many of you are going, oh my God, this is too complicated. Yes, it is. Stop being naive to this. And be careful of all the rhetoric that blames women as the problem. Men are just as bad at this. Men are winging it. Most men are clueless. They're winging it. You are in charge of your relationship, destiny. That's your secret weapon. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Please hit that like button. Please share this video with your friends. Please subscribe to my channel. If you need help, check out the links below. And I yell only to wake people up so they can hear me all the way across the world. All right, I'm done pontificating on that one. All right, Daniela says, question. My boyfriend is grieving the tragic loss of his youngest daughter. He's our connection. He's our connection is solid, and I'm aware that he's emotionally raw. Can you offer me some words of wisdom or advice? You know, as a person who lost a child, my sympathies go out to him. You know, I never liked the words, I'm sorry for your loss. I think the most important thing you can do, one of my dearest friends said to me, Jonathan, there are no words. Can I give you a hug? Just hug him on a regular basis, because they're difficult to use the words, but a physical touch, a hug. Just a simple, can I just hug you right now? This must be hard. I can't imagine what you're going through. And my heart goes out to you and you're in my prayers. Can I give you a hug? Daniela, all my best wishes. And I'm sending you a hug right now. Thank you. Jade says, vetting the guy with these 15 things before even presenting these dating vows sounds crucially fun foundational before anything else. Exactly, Jade. Thank you for, and by the way, that's what I teach. Holly, thank you for the $4.99 Super Sticker. Really appreciate it for the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. All right, let's just keep swimming. If you have a question, write the word question or purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. Hey, we're getting some thank yous. Thank you, we really appreciate that. Kathy, I wanna just say this. I'm not giving up, staying true to myself. I'm going to follow your suggestion and your advice. Look for what you have, look for what you have with your beloved. Will not be casual, I want more. Thank you, that's what I wanna hear from everyone that you will not settle for mediocrity and you will not operate from a naive lack of intentional way. Let's keep going. If you have a question, write the word question. Hey, we've got another $4.99 Super Sticker. Thank you so much. Oops. Oh, sir. My boyfriend loves me a lot, but our parents are not letting us get married because they want us to be more independent. I'm helping my family business and my boyfriend is working. Any advice? Well, that's a really tough one because it's important to get your parental buy-in. That's a value. But at the same time, being an individual is saying is to individuate from your parents as well. So, I think what your parents are trying to say is you might be too young to get married. My suspicion is, I don't know that, but my suspicion is that. And it might be some validity to it. So, but I'm also at the same time, even though people in their 20s who get married oftentimes fail, sometimes the benefit of marrying your high school sweetheart is you're not bombarded by all the other noise out there with everyone else. So, my advice to you is pray. Just pray. Just use prayer because prayer is a connection to your higher self. Not pray about him, pray for yourself, the strength and the courage. I invite you to pray and invite strength and courage in your life. Danielle, thank, or excuse me. Telly, thank you so much for that question. Danielle just gave us a $5 Super Sticker. Thank you so much. Adrian says, praise Jesus for your compassion for people's suffering and confusion. Nothing is random and everything means something. Be yourself if that's working or fix it. Pretty simple, exactly. I appreciate that. Hey, Ouija's in the house. Big hugs to you, Ouija. Thank you so much. Okay, if you have a question, write the word question, then post the question thereafter or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. Okay, my pants are writing up. All right, see if we have anything else here. Kathy said earlier, just fit, thank you. I need to hear that. Time for me to step back. I told him that I won't be an option and he realized what he lost for his casual, exactly. All right, again, if you have a question, post the question. So true, prayer is powerful. God, universe, spirit. I'm in a juicy, delicious relationship where we have amazing chemistry with one another and our communication is off the charts and compatible with one another. And we have lifestyles that are blendable with one another and we share the same values that will support trust and we built this deep roots of trust through understanding that relationships need healthy conflict resolutions, that relationship needs healthy play where relationships need physical connection and emotional intimacy one another and relationships need integration of our lives together. God, universe, spirit, I'm experiencing this now. By the way, I made notes on something, I wanna share this because I just said this. How to maintain and thrive in a relationship. Conflict resolution skills, intimate time together. I forgot to share this, shared duties. Every relationship has their each duty in the relationship. So sharing duties, play and integration of family and friends in the rest of your lives. These are critical components to maintain a relationship and make it thrive. But I wanted to say share duties. There's a book. Where is it? This is a business book called the partnership charter. This is where two business owners get together or two people get together like two attorneys, two CPAs get together to form a partnership. What I like about this book is the idea of shared duties in a relationship. Not tit for tat, but shared duties. My mother and father were married 66 years. My dad was the bread mother and my mother was the home tit. She took care of the home. They shared their duties. If you really want a relationship to thrive and you better establish these shared duties in the dynamic then that builds the deep roots of trust to stay together. Anyways, that's my two cents. Kelly says, love you so much. Thank you, amen. Kathy, another $4.99 super sticker. And then Yanniella, thank you so much. Oh, here, Kim has a question. Question. X called and texted at 2 a.m. and asked a question. I answered as best I could. Been two years since he left. Said he was going through old texts and said he could see I was sincere and no response. Kim, that's not a question, that's a statement, okay? Folks, ladies, something that drives men nuts is if you're gonna ask a question then ask a question, don't share a statement. This is one thing that drives men fucking nuts because you have, by the way, guys do this too. It drives human being nuts. So anyway, I'm sorry about this. I really don't understand what's going on. He texted you at 2 a.m. because he was looking at old text messages. So what? So what? What does it matter if you're not in relationship with him? Why, now the question might have been why did he do it? Because you're a novelty to him. That's why men do this. They go back to their old video games because it's novelty because they spent time with you. But that does not mean anything serious unless he backs it up with actions. Actions, consistent actions is what matters more and not some scribbles on a cell phone. Anyway, Starlife said, question. How do you move forward on dating when husband or wife passed away asking for a friend? Well, life itself will progress you forward. How do you heal from it? Grieving is a, they say grieving looks like this. Okay, that's what grieving looks like. How does the person heal from it? I think talk therapy is a great place to start. But also, when my son passed away, I dove into writing my book as one of my healing processes, but I also made a conscious choice to grieve with love instead of suffering. A person has to make the choice. Do they wanna grieve with suffering or do they wanna grieve with love? And when you grieve with love, listen, when my son passed away, I asked myself, how would he want me to live my life? And I know he'd want me to live my life balls to the walls. That would be not a phrase he'd use, but that's how he would want me to live life. He wants me to live life at the fullest. So when we can accept that through loss, it's an opportunity to live life to the fullest. Thank you so much for sharing that. I really appreciate it. Why do we run out of space and can't finish our questions? I don't know. I didn't make up the websites. All right. Okay, ran out of space. Kim says she ran out of space. Okay, I am sorry, Kim. I had a cow ran out of space. By the way, folks, it's better to always, you know what, here's the thing I'd like to teach people, especially when dealing with men. If you have a question, start with the question you have and then share the backstory. Not for my purposes, but I'm talking about with men in general. It's easier for us to track things when you say question, how does a man handle grief? And then you share the backstory, why passed away, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Start with that because then it's easier to track but not for this purpose, but just in general. When you're talking with men, men tend to be more logical and it's easier for men to pick up when you start with the question versus the story. Start with the question versus the story. Then share the story. Okay. Okay, let's see. Well, okay, coming back to, then you don't have us write the question in front. Folks, start the question in front, just not for me, but just in general, because that, believe me, that triggers men to understand the balance of the story. Anyway, okay, here's Anne says question. How can you set boundaries without upsetting them or driving them away? Great question. So here's the thing about when you're speaking to someone, I always do it from a place of compassion or kindness. So it might simply be this, I feel more comfortable to pursue a relationship together when we have regular contact with one another. How do you feel about that? Having regular contact. So you come at it from a place of a kind loving place and also come from a curious place, meaning asking them for their buy-in as well. You're asking for an agreement with one another. And that's how you set a boundary. Come from a compassionate place, a curious place with a request for an agreement, okay? Great question. Kathy says question first, just learn something new. This helps with men, ladies. It's funny, I have a private group called Midlife Love Mastery. By the way, there's a link below. We get together once a month on a call. And I always tell this to the members. I go, look, if you have a question, start with the question, share the backstory. It's a lot easier for a man to follow where you're going when you start with the question. Women have a habit of telling stories and meandering and going down rabbit holes and then we lost where you're at and then the question makes no sense to us. Start with the question. So I'm glad that helps, Kathy. Is rebounding necessary? We are leaving dead marriages and we're genuinely good for one another and do not want rebounds. We are souls in young heart. Are rebounds necessary? After my divorce, I was online dating and I connected with a woman. She said, how long have you been divorced? I said, well, technically I'm separated. She said, reach out to me after two years of divorce and you've had at least one or two transition girlfriends. I'm like, what do you mean? I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready for a relationship. Sure enough, two years go by. I see that same woman on the dating site and I wrote her back. I said, I really now understand where you were coming from because I had two transition relationships that had been two years. She was right. Humans tend to have a short-lived or one or two short-lived relationships because the fact of the matter is is most people don't know what they want. When I come back to my four stages of relationship readiness, clarity on the type of relationship you want. Humans operate mostly from the place of casual relationships. A serious relationship is cognitively saying, I want to eventually get married or live with someone and this is what I need for this to happen. Lack of clarity usually happens when you've unwrapled the tapestry of a marriage. People are lost. They're oftentimes lost. It takes time. So many of us have been and many more people will be transition relationships to others. My job is to help you avoid that. At least avoid the men who are gonna fall into that trap and many times they use you as their therapist during the relationship. Do you know women have now, I'd say casual relationships probably represent more therapy-based relationships than actual serious relationships with serious long-term potential. Anyway, that's just my two cents anyway. Debbie writes. Oh, Debbie says, recommending your channel. Thank you so much. Debbie also goes on to say, can too strong will people make it or will it be a constant power struggle? I love this question. So this is the bottom line. Do you wanna be right or do you wanna be happy? Strong willed people wanna be right. A relationship is all about wanting to be happy. You know what's interesting? My being in, now moving in with someone, okay? And I'm finding that she does things different than I do. But you know what? I don't care. I like that she does things. I actually think she does things better than me. I love that. I love that because I embrace it instead of saying this is that. You know, only controlling people. I think controlling personalities are, I think it's the desire to control your environment that makes a person strong will. That's just a supposition on my part. So do I think too strong willed people could be successful? You know what, stranger things happen, but again, do you wanna be right or do you wanna be happy? Because if you're unhappy most of the time because you have to be right, it's rarely gonna work. Thank you so much for that. Or Debbie, thank you so much for that. Okay, next one. Should I contact him? Spent evening at a dance with a man I casually knew. He walked me to my car. We shared a long enjoyable kiss goodnight. Haven't heard from him. Should I contact him? You know what I would do just as a test, reach out to him say, hey, I'd like to treat you. I'd like to take you out for a drink next Thursday night. Are you game? If he doesn't respond, you know the answer. If he does respond, he'll either say thank you, no thank you, or he'll say yes, I'd love that. So there's three possible things are gonna happen. He's not gonna respond. He's gonna respond and say thank you, no thank you, or he's gonna say yes, I'd love to. You got one in three chance, okay? I think those are good odds. Take the chance, ask him out. But Jonathan, but Jonathan, that will upset his masculine energy. His penis will shrivel up. He'll feel intimidated by me. I laugh at the rhetoric that women make effort is somehow intimidating a man. I mean, is that just ludicrous to think that a man's penis will shrivel up so much that it'll be so intimidated that he'll crawl into the corner because you made effort asking a guy out? It shows that, but Jonathan, it shows that I'm needy. It shows that I'm chasing him. It's just asking out. It's only desperate needy if you're in a relationship with someone and they're pulling away and you keep chasing them and saying, what the fuck are you doing, dude? Are we in it or not? That's not chasing. That's being in your empowerment. I say go for it, Riva. Rose says, question, why do men tell you you have a connection with each other and then they turn around and find someone else and then they ghost you? Because lust is not commitment. Limerence is not commitment. Folks, Google limerence, Google lust, that's not commitment. Commitment starts, trust starts with that first 100 hours of face-to-face time. It takes about 100 hours of face-to-face time just to build the first layer of trust. And in the beginning stages, it's mostly lust and limerence. That's why, that's the why. Okay, let's see. Nidra says, question, my ex-boyfriend told me he doesn't think what he does is enough and called it off. Four weeks later, he is initiating contact and communication. Should I consider this the way of wanting back? These are always tricky ones because men, interesting enough, when I met my girlfriend, I came on a little bit strong in the beginning and then I pulled away. That lasted about eight to 12 hours, maybe 24 hours, I pulled away a little bit. It's natural to put a little bit of energy and pull away. So I always liked this. A friend of mine says, I'll forgive you, but the price is higher. The price just got higher. So if you want to get to know me, then let's lay our cards on the table before we have sex. Let's really determine if we're compatible with one another. Let's really see if we share the same values. Let's spend some time not focusing on the romance and let's focus on actually getting to know one another and see what happens. I don't think you have much to lose. Thank you for that. Wait a minute, let me go back to this. My ex-boyfriend, how long were you dating one another is what I do want to know? But that's what I would do. All right, question. How do you foster intimacy in a relationship? Great question. First, you have to learn what intimacy is. Folks, if you're not familiar with the book, Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters, I highly recommend checking this out. You won't know what, until you know what intimacy is, I'd learn about it. And then there's another great book I highly recommend. I hear you, the surprisingly simple skills behind Extraordinary Relationships by Michael Sorenson. I highly recommend this book as well. These are great tools to build intimacy, but first you have to learn what intimacy is. Most of you guys don't know what intimacy is. When you read about it, you're better prepared for it. Anyways, that's my two cents anyway. Oh, okay, Nadia says we were dating almost two years. Four weeks is not uncommon, but again, I'll forgive you, the price just got higher. All right. Question, Annie says, why do I stay? I've been told there's no chance for marriage or a serious relationship. Then why do you stay? Okay, why you stay most likely is one of two things. You're not familiar with the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, as well as Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt. Okay, either you're experiencing love attachment style or you're experiencing called the Imago, meaning it's something, Imago. Imago, Google this book. You're probably experiencing some childhood wounds that makes you attached to a person who isn't right for you because you want to heal, your subconscious wants you to heal a childhood wound. That's the why, okay? Take space from someone to read. Once you read these books, it's gonna take you a couple of weeks. Do a deep dive and you might figure out the why, which will allow you to pull back, okay? Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Let's see. Well, listen, folks, it's Saturday. Has this been fun? Have you been enjoying this? I've been enjoying copy with Jonathan. I swear a little, I swear a little, you'll feel better, I mug. This has been fun. I think it's time to go spend time with my beloved. I don't know what we have planned today, but what I wanna do is do something fun. Play is one of the important facets to making a relationship thrive. And my invitation for you all right now is if you have a partner in your life, go play with them today. And if you don't, then do the personal development work that will better prepare you because if you wanna get a guy hooked on you, it starts by first healing within oneself, learning not to give your power away. And more importantly, start leaning into your sovereignty. You are in charge of your relationship, Destiny, not the guy. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Please check out the links below. And if you'd like to talk to me, schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up today. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow. There is a teddy bear. Give inner them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Kathy and Elena and Kathleen and Maylis and Markey, the cat and Kathleen and Kim and Pammy and Kitty Cat and Nadia and Sandra. Stay well and strong. Annie and Nidra, Rose, Reva and Debbie. Everyone, thank you so much. I hope you had fun today. Go out and make it an awesome day today. Be well. Thanks. Bye bye.