 Drinking a bowl of her discharge, of course, that's gonna give you some health problems. Remember? You drank her discharge. How do you even, are we live Matt? Live. Welcome to episode number 17 of the Marty and Michael fully actual podcast. God, it takes a long time to say. What's a faster way to say it? Full act. Mf. Actual. Welcome to Mf. Mf. Marty and Michael full act. What about the Mf? Martin Mick full act. Martin Mick's full act. Or Mf. Mf. M&M S3 EP 17. Anyway, what are we fucking on the weekend? Right? What happened? Dude, Sunday was fucking rad. I was so sore Sunday night. We did three sets of Toca. Oh, yeah. Toca, man. We tockered it up. Last week, last Friday, we went to Jackson's. Say goodbye to him. Played a bit of Toca. Holy shit. Toca's just like become our life. Three days in a week. Three days in a week, we played it. Michael's just practicing so that he becomes better than James, but it'll never happen. No, last time we played singles, it was three all. Thank you. James is a superior athlete. You need to. I'll beat him, James. I know you're listening your way. I'm going to fucking kick your ass next time. Not kick your ass. Probably be about six, four. You lost three sets on Sunday, didn't you? Yeah, but I had fucking, I had Maitland and Julian. Sorry, guys, but like if you, okay, James is up there. Matt is up there. If you get Matt, if I had had Matt, we would have won. But since James had Matt, we fucking lost. And I'm probably not the best team member. I do abuse a bit. Sorry, Maitland and Julian. I'm not so sorry. They deserve it. You got a bit cranky at Julian. Well, if your team members shit, if they don't know their shit, they're not going to get better. So they need to know their shit. And some of the shit people do fucking, it just deserves abuse. Give us an example. Like just stupid little taps or like easy sitters and they fucking miss them or like, okay, here's an example. Some people don't use their knees or any part of their upper body. They let the ball drop too low and then they hit it in the net many times. That happens because they're not comfortable with their knees, shoulders and heads. And I'm fucking comfortable. I'm all rounder. I'm fucking great. I'm fucking good at the game. You know I am. Yeah, you're right. I'm fucking James. We're playing as singles before Toca tomorrow night. I'm going to win six, four. I predict it. Anyway, what else has happened? Yeah, Jackson's gone. We've been filming. We've been filming some cheeky pranks. I actually, well, attempted a prank today on my fucking dick. While he went to the shops. I was like, because you know, we need, we haven't filmed a prank for ages. And I was like just on the fly. I was like, fuck Julien, just film this. And I went and pulled a knife out of the fucking drawer and I went to where I knew he would be parked at Champside and slash these tires. Such a good prank, man. Just destroying people's property. And at least I can still, I'll be able to drive to the coast after this. So we got a fix. Just fucking slash these tires as a prank. I don't know. Just go and have a watch. It'll be out now. Extended version or obviously on the website, which reminds me this podcast is brought to you, man. Julien Woods, he's on the podcast. All right, everyone, we have Julien Tennyson Woods live on the podcast right now. If you'd be able to see me if I was on, if you're watching on YouTube, see the little screen is all fucking Woods face. I just wanted to ask Michael where my hundred dollars was. You owe me a hundred bucks from the another fucking thing. He shit out. I beat him in pool when he owes me a hundred bucks. You owe me a hundred dollars. No, you owe me a hundred dollars. Why? You're trying to confuse me. It's not going to work. Yeah, look, he's gone. No, that was a weak attempt to try to confuse you. Yeah, it nearly worked. Yeah, I was like inside. You were you were nervous. We are proudly sold out by a man skate. If you want your male grooming products, right? Go to manscape.com. They got really good shit. They got ball shavers like you've never seen before. They got these. They've even got a cologne now that actually smells quite nice. There's just heaps of shit there. If you want to go, if you need some male grooming stuff. Use our discount code fully actually get 20% off everything. All right. So just 20 have 20% off there. If you need to buy some male grooming shit. Just go and have a look manscaped.com. We actually do use their products now and Michael is shaving his tongue after using that same shaver to shave his balls and Gooch every other week. See how is she's shaving his tongue and doesn't even make my tongue isn't Nikki's tongue. So it's very, very high quality. Look at that. It's got the shaver directly and it's all rounder. So don't get upset that I've used this on my balls and now my mouth. I'm not. I'm not around at all. It's completely fine, man. Thank you. And of course this podcast is supported and by our subscription website, University of Markle, where we post weekly vlogs. They're fucking incredible. We went through a psychic last week. That's on there. We're playing extreme catch. We'll be out on this next episode that's out came out yesterday for you watching right now. Where we what? Yeah, yeah, we'll do it later. Yeah. Just remember extreme catch where we throw. We're going to throw fucking really hot water at each other and we have to catch it. We are going to throw balls with thumbtacks. We might even throw some shit. Extreme catch and yeah, we just post weekly shit there. So if you want to support us, support the podcast sign up. It's like 10 bucks a month and yeah, there's like 180 30 minute videos on there so you can fucking you get a new one each week and you want each week. And if you want to just see what it's all about, you can sign up free for 21 days. If you don't like it, you can just fucking leave and they can they always say, Hey, stop saying this. Stop telling people that they can leave, but that's the truth. Okay, the 21 day trial is so you guys can look and see if you like it. Oh, dude, I've been ringworming up. I pretty much just like my friends now are my fans. I go on the discord every night and I just fucking make sounds to them. I get stoned. I make them watch me play FIFA. You fart. Yeah, I haven't by the way. Another fucking good thing. I'm good at another thing. I challenge you. Julian is shit. He is not one one. Julian's is shit all around of the site. All right, Julian, I'm not sorry anymore. Anyway, he yeah, 10. We played 10 matches of FIFA and he's lost it. So what team did you play with? I don't know. I just choose the ones with good stats. I think it's Man City. Yuck. You disgust me. Oh, who cares? Teams play off. Who cares? It's a game. You play the game. I'm going to make money out of you. Fuck off. You'll beat me. You played before Julian is shit. I'm not an Xbox. I'm a little bit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So be even. It's the same PlayStation Xbox. Same buttons. Sort of. Yeah. Anyway, discord. I'm enjoying the discord with my fans slash now they're my friends and the discord is something you get when you sign up. If you if you become a premium member. So it's a little bit more, but we I got to get on the discord more. I'm never on my times like fucking. Yeah, obviously, I haven't got a family. So I can do that. But we can we'll just we've got to organize a time during this every morning at 6 a.m. What about whenever we're driving in the car? Oh, that's what happens. Okay. New rule whenever we're driving from A to B, we go live on the discord. Yeah. That's a good fucking. That's fair. Do you know about the discord, man? Someone asked last night. It was Greg Shelton. He wants you in on the discord. So we got to get you the link. Oh, we got to get him to pay first. I think you get special treatment. Actually haven't signed up the website. Fuck off. Fuck off Matthew Brown. Fuck off. Yeah. So I discovered through through deep meditations that Julian Woods is also not a member and he's using the excuse that he's the editor, but he makes the videos. So he already knows us on there. You know what I mean? Come he's like a carrot. He's like the end of Marty and Michael. In fact, have you guys signed up to your own website? Yes. Yep. I just want to make number high. I make me happy. Yeah. I put in a lot of subscribers. Yeah. I got nothing there. Well, you do have something, Matthew Brown. You have a very, very telling diary, Andrew. Oh, have I got one this week? Yeah, we all do. It's Julian in there. Julian in there. Yeah. Someone did comment, um, Matthew's little brown versus Julian's little wood. In the diary, Andrew's that gave me a good laugh. Fuck joke. It's a fuck joke. Dyer engine. I'm 130. Sorry. Dyer engine. I'm 112 from Michael Corey Brookhouse. Today I pulled a sheet of skin off my leg after I got sunburned last week. It's the biggest one I've ever pulled off and I can't wait to show my mom's fact. Dyer engine. I'm 137 from Marty. Today was my birthday. No one remembered after I stopped crying. I went for a walk around our backyard for a while. It was a pretty good day. Diary really young then? Oh, it must have been 14. I fucking remembered every birthday 14. You won't. I didn't even know you then, man. Oh, yeah. So how's that? How's that the case? Henry wasn't there for you then? Yeah. How are you now? I didn't even know when my birthday was. Did you write that entry in German? No, it's it's the numbers are coding number 1421 from Matthew Gregory Brown. The lipstick slid across my lips with ease, leaving an even layer of bright red. I saw I smiled at myself in the mirror and continued eating my raw steak. I always found that the female staff bathroom at my work was a place where I could fully be myself. I began my usual routine started searching through the bins, nothing but old tissues and makeup removal wipes, then a very subtle, slight, high pitched sound started in my ear and I dug deeper into the bin. The sound gets louder and louder as I get deeper until finally I find one of the most valuable items that I collect. I used tampon. I hold it out in front of my face and marvel at it. The blood around it was dried, but I estimated it's been in there for three hours and 14 no 15 minutes since I can since I can remember I've always been able to hear periods and that skill has served me well today. I can smell the girl who this belonged to as a 26 year old who has had a recent abortion. I give into my edges and pop the tampon into my mouth and start furiously sucking. I hold on to the string as bits come off the tampon and I eagerly swallow them as my eyes roll into the back of my head as the pleasure circuits in my brain start to swell to receive maximum flavor. I begin chewing on the tampon and the inner juices burst out. A tang coats my mouth and I'm in literal heaven. I dropped my knees and tears of joy squirt from my eyeballs. I'm snapped back to reality when I hear the cubicle door behind me open. I slowly turned to see a shocked co-worker staring at me on my knees, sucking a tampon with lipstick all over my mouth and a half eaten raw steak on the sink. How had I missed this? I thought for sure I was alone in the bathroom. I quickly swallowed the tampon and slurped the tampon string like a cooked spaghetti. We maintain eye contact in silence. I can see her brain trying to make sense of what she's seeing. I place my pointer finger to my red lips. The girl nods and slowly re-enters her cubicle and I hear her door locking. I take the opportunity and clean my mess and leave the bathroom. I hand in my letter of resignation shortly after and take the bus home. Once a time I sexually please myself and scream into my pillar for a few hours and then lie in bed wondering what human flesh tastes like. What an exciting day. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Fuck. You lost your job over that one. Well, at least you quit. Just to eat a tampon? Man. Do you like collecting them or something? That's can't tell people this. That's fucking gross, man. Like how many do you have in a box or something? Don't talk to me. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, imagine chewing it. Man, it's sucked up all the juices. It'd be like a crispy outer and then liquidy. Oh, this reminds me of Taylor. How he used to love. Shit. Used to love growling out. When they were on their rags. What? And then we even blood clot chunks he used to say. Bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. It cheated them. Oh. What? Yes, that's real. What? Fucking some cunt we met in Europe, loved going down on girls when they were blood. And then he fucking loved the little blood clot things that. I don't know. What blood clot things? His fucking hardened blood things in there. And he said he chew them. Hey, James, how are you? Shit, are you guys in the middle of the podcast? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I've fucking done it again. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Sorry, sorry, everyone for interrupting. No worries, brother. I'll chat to you after. What? Anyway, that was real. It was a real thing. That was a real story. I saw him. And I'm pretty sure. Oh, fuck. They won't go in. You were there about him. But yeah, fuck me. Loose dude. Yeah, he was a loose cannon that guy. He was the one who first got us into how to try a cocaine. Charlie Charlie. And he's the guy had a competition with who could jizz on their face. The fastest Michael one. Is there any Julien Woods? Is there any Julien Woods? Oh yeah, you always forget about a little Julien, don't we? Ha, ha, ha, ha. All right. Diary entry number 98 from Julien Tennyson Woods from Ashgrove. We got a new gang member today. I had to see if he was hectic enough to join. So we made him drink a whole spoon or a beer in one go at the Ashgrove Tabin. He down the whole thing. It was so sick. Now there's three people in our gang and we can try and expand our territory beyond the Ashgrove Tabin car park on a one fifty dollars on what's called the pokies and I fucked it. She are you. That sounds like Julien. That's that's our Julien. That's our Julien for sure. Oh, it's great to see. Well, we got a pretty massively awesome episode, by the way. We got fucking PO box with a successful hunt. Another successful hunt. We did it. We got questions. We got fucking German segment heaps of shit. Now we're loving the growth of this fucking podcast. It's very motivating. We're seeing all these comments or these likes. So if you can't support us financially, the the only way that you calm. Just want you guys to like the video. And if you can't think of a comment, just comment the best. It's so good seeing all the numbers going up every week, every week. It's like the next last podcast is the best one now. And it's just crazy to see. So just keep fucking liking commenting. And I know that 30% of you aren't subscribed. And that's okay. Look, I'm just saying to those of you this week listening right now who are able to, if you can subscribe really easily, if you're just on your phone and red buttons within sight, just click it. Just get a little click and click the thumbs up. That's it. That's all we want. That's it. I love the podcast though. Fuck. We got a pretty good fucking reply from whether we should do a live podcast for our season finale last week. We what we would be like 10 comments. I probably more now. I think I've seen a few. All right. Just remember guys with we're seriously considering this. So if you live in Brisbane, just comment. Yes, I live in Brisbane and I would attend the live podcast. So we can know numbers. I think at least two or three people said they'd fly from Sydney. Yeah. Cause like we don't want to go to all this extra work, all this trouble, higher venue and shit, and then fucking seven people rock up. That would be so embarrassing, but at least it would make our slow clap sound. Cool. Yeah. All slow up together. Yeah. So yeah, basically the cabinet leaders had a bit of hearsay hearsay behind closed doors behind closed doors. Question time. Question time. I'm feeling fine. Catch. Well, you're good at the weasel off. Let's do our best one. Matt, you do your best one. Oh, I'm sorry. You gotta watch out for that coffee hits the back of your throat. It hurts too much. Oh, he's cute. I've never seen him do that. All right. The king of wheeze. The wheeze champion steps up to the podium. Two, one. Too much. Before we get into the questions, did you say you have something from that? Oh, we have a fucking present for you, mate. For me? Oh. It's your lucky day. If you can guess it, you got three guesses. If you can guess it, then we'll tell you what it is. If not, you have to go and get it. I have no idea what it could be. First guess is? No, it's not an arm. She liked that. Guess again. No, it's not an arm. I had to fucking put this over it. And it felt the air on me. Why didn't it make a noise? I don't know. Fuck it. Did you put it in the wrong way? Look. You gotta be close to it. I'm gonna press it up next time. You gotta press it up next time. Yeah. I'll have to find a sustainable... You gotta get it in there. So it does need a fair bit of pressure behind it. You're gonna play around with it a bit. I'm trying to find it. It's pretty much pressed up on your asshole, then. Did you feel that? No, I didn't feel that. Because you would have probably gone off at me. All right, last bloody guess, man. I don't want to say anything, because you're gonna say that's a guess. Is it... a... Is it a free trial to the website? No. You have to go to the freezer and collect it and bring it out. Oh, no. You gotta present for me. From you. Well, us, really. We fucking got it from the shop. Us. You got a present from us. It's a present from us. It occurred in the shops. Like, it started in the shops. Top left corner. In the little bag. It's like a little duffel bag. Top free, free, that dickhead. It's left. On the left, just grab the bag. Let's see his reaction. What the fuck is that? Just get it. Bring it here. It's in a bag. Come on. Just bring it over before you have a look at it. Just bring it over before you have a look at it. Fucking chocolate mousse. It's not chocolate mousse. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. I had chocolate mousse last night. It's a matter of perspective. I shout it out. It's still chocolate mousse. Bring it here. I want to see it. I want to see if it's frozen yet. Can you bring it here? Fuck. There's shit on every single... Every... Oh, shit. Bring it here. What is it? You guys are fucked. Oh, my God. What the fuck, man? Oh, it's still squeezy. Squeeze it a bit. All right. That's good now. Thank you. It doesn't smell when it's cold. Yeah, the cold kills the smell. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Like a turkey slapped with a bag of shit. Wait! No! Wait, wait, wait! Wait! Speed is our friend! Nah, it's not going to work. It is! Man, it's so hard to play music from your arse. Fuck. Oh, that's why you farted. It smells like shit, not my shit. Yeah, I think you need more air, because it's popping. Yeah, I reckon so don't do the squeeze like when you hold it and it just comes out slowly. Let it all out. Let it all out. It's going to smell like shit, but let it out. You all right? Okay. I'm a bit flustered. Yeah. Okay. I guess that leads us to our next segment. I guess that leads us to some questions that you guys have asked. Now remember with the questions, if you want your question asked, comment it on the YouTube channel, on our YouTube channel, Marty Mockel for the actual on this video, and whichever questions get the most likes by everyone there, the ones we ask. And if we don't answer it, just keep asking every week. We will get there eventually. We just can't spend the whole hour answering questions. Do you know what I mean? So if you miss out, just keep commenting, Michael. Our podcast has gone from a half hour length to an hour. Yeah, and now we struggle to get it all in an hour. We might have to change it to three hours. Oh, dude. Michael's got a G-spot happening, Matt. But I'm not using my fingers. I'm just going to use the chair. Michael is scratching his asshole by... ...roughly sliding side to side on his chair. And the friction of the ass cheeks on the chair is scratching what he likes to call his G-spot. But if he touches his G-spot or uses fingers, it can quickly turn to pain. So he's reluctant to do that at the moment. And he prefers to scratch his ass by quickly sliding side to side on the chair. Oh. Yeah, that good? It's tiring. It's a different way to do it. It's like sex. It's worth it, though. Matt Brown. I have a question. It's from me. Why have you got a bag of shit in the freezer? Tomorrow is the website content. We can get a bit scat-pony. And we're going to do the throwing. What's the... Oh. Extreme throwing. See, throw takes step back. Extreme catch. Throw takes step back. So you throw a catch and take a step back until you drop it and whoever drops it gets the object thrown at them. And we're going to do a frozen poo. For fuck's sake. My poo. You can shit in a bag. I'll play catch with your poo, if you want. All right. Just shit in a bag when you get home. Esther and mom there just shit in a bag and put it in the freezer. I'll get Esther to hold the bag open for me. All right, question. First question is from Justin. Bradford. What does Marty say at the start of every German segment translated to English? Yeah, it does actually. It's like, oh my love. It's like, oh my... It's like, you know, like a similar expression. It's like, oh my god, oh my god. Like that. Like it doesn't translate literally to oh my god, but it's similar meaning. Like that. It's like an expression, I guess. Oh my god. Next question is from son Goku. Did your parents know you were the best when you were kids or did they think you were weirdos with brain diseases? I reckon they thought I was better. Now they think I'm probably the best. No, they would have, you were fucked always. Yeah, I think my parents would have been like, fuck, what happened here? I've said that like fucking. That's like my claim to fame is just like every podcast. I was school captain, so I'm fine. But yeah, Marty was like... I always overheard my mom saying to Dad, why won't it turn off? Talking about me. Wow, you were considered it. Oh man, yeah, I just... Whenever I picture Marty as a kid, I picture him and the deaf boy. And when that like, once I think of that, I just go, all right, he was proper fucked. There's a story in our earlier podcasts about something that I did. It's fucking unbelievable. Like, it's quite mean. Yeah, quite evil. But yeah, I guess go find it. Do you want me to tell them? I can't even remember how much detail we gave. But yeah, basically, he used to come over on an ounce and I'd be like, oh, do you want an apple juice? And I'd get a glass of water and put an apple in it and then hand it to him. And he, like, we're completely straight faced and he'd just be like... and be real polite and not even say anything and just pretend, go along with it and pretend that it was juice. And then I did some other things. Got him into trouble a lot. He drew dicks all over his book and I was convinced him that the teacher would think it was hilarious. So we went and showed the teacher with a big smile and his face got sent straight to the principal's office. He did have a bike once, but... Yeah, well, that wasn't just me. I'm not taking full blame for that. He did lose a bike. Yeah, he should have picked it up. Not just left it on the railroad train. Next question is from Cristiano Ronaldo's fans. Apparently his fans are fans of podcasts. Yeah, that makes sense. I want to ask Michael. It's in broken English, so I'll try and make it old. That'd be good. I'll make it better. I want to ask Michael, why don't you have any pets? Do you not like living things? It's responsibilities. Like, it's fucking... I love Bosley. I love holding him. I don't want to fucking make sure that he's alive every day. Like, when I'm with him, I will, but it's just too hard, all right? Like, I'll get a fish. It'll die. I would play it's too hard, even sometimes. As happy as I am now to have Bosley. Yeah, it's not... Having a dog through your 20s is like, fucking, it's inconvenient at times. Can't just... Can't be spontaneous anymore. You know, you need to always think ahead. But obviously, I would never change. Like, I can see, if you get a dog like Bos, you would definitely take Bos over not having a dog. Because he's like the fucking best dog ever. He's not really a dog. Yeah. I wish he was more cuddly. That's the only thing that annoys me. Yeah, but if he was cuddly... Yeah, you get over it, you're right. It's the perfect... It leaves you wanting more. Yeah. Walks away, makes you want more. And then when you do get it, it's like, it's like Christmas morning kind. Yeah, it is good. But yeah, I don't have any pets. I think I had sea monkeys last year. And that's about it. I reckon some rats. Nah, that's Connor. Connor loves his rats. I wonder how many rats he's got now. I know, I know. I know she still does. But they're pretty cool. They're like home rats. No, awesome. They're fun. Yeah, they sit on your shoulders. Yeah, they just crawl over you. A lot of people found it really weird, but I thought they were cool. Yeah. And then you got to train them as well. It's just, it's not on. Fuck that. Fuck having a dog or an animal. All right. Next question is from Jose Martinez. Marty, Michael, will you ever be able to find Matt's first ever diary entry? I'd say so. I'd be in there somewhere. I haven't even, I don't even know if they're in chronological order. I just sort of pick them out as I find them from his diary and read them out. But yeah, his first diary entry, that would be, I might try and find that and just have a read count. Next question is from Jacob Dickerson. What situation in life makes you really uncomfortable? Is there anything in situations in life that make you uncomfortable? Yeah, I can think of one thing. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Push it in, push it in. I'm pushing it in. I'm pushing it in. You can't! Oh, I'm liking it. A little more air. I don't like it, because my fingers are so close to his asshole. I'm liking it. Get it in there. I like that. I miss the recorder. I miss the recorder. Well, you need a little pokey stick to go with it. Oh, fuck. I'm so close to it. This is what it feels like to get sexually assaulted. You just fucking raped me. I can press charges. So you didn't like that one? Was that too close? All right. Moving on. Forget. By the way, these vapes, we've got our weed website open, and these are about $3.75, so they're a little bit expensive. We will be adding more products to that that aren't so fucking expensive. We just have to start off with just a few products because the stuff that we're selling, it's a bit like fucking high risk, and we just have to be careful that the website doesn't get shut down. And that happens. That happens nowadays. Yeah. So what situation in life makes you really uncomfortable? I know Marty's is running into like parents that have kids he's taught. Oh, my God. Because I was there. Seeing people from my old alternative life that I lived back when I was a tennis coach, because you have to pretend to be fucking hell. You have to pretend to be like another person. You have to pretend to be this really happy, excited fucking tennis loving, fucking freak. And of course I couldn't be myself and just a fix whenever I wanted to because people don't want to leave the guy doing that alone with their children. So I had to be a completely different person then all of a sudden one day when we started making videos, I was like, like some people that I was coaching and I used to coach like in New Farm, these are quite wealthy people. They're like, you know, they're business types, they're fucking executives, they're lawyers, all this shit. They started seeing the videos and they're like, like this was just back with a social experiment. Yeah. And even that was like, oh, what are you doing there? And it just got so fucking awkward and cringe that I just left ghosted everyone and got the fuck out of there and they've never, have not maintained contact with anyone from that world. He has this one guy that has seen him out about it. Oh, that's not for talking about. In case he ever got back to him. Yeah. I'm sorry. If anyone from that, I'm sorry about that. I had to get out of there and I will not talk to any of you guys ever again. That's it. That world's gone. But it's nice now. I can just be myself whenever I want around any new person, anyone we work with. It's fucking a relief. It's so shit having to go from pretty slow on your face and then fucking getting there and look after fucking kids and pretend like you love it. It's fucking shit. Yeah. Like obviously there were clients that I did love. Yeah, of course. The people you love. There was some rad kids and rad parents. Yeah. But then the majority is just acting like you are so, you're like the kid, the fucking worker on play school. Yeah. It's like enthusiastic, really over the top happiness. It's just, it kills your soul. And it's not anyone that I knew there that was a bad person or anything. It's just I had pretended to be someone that I wasn't. So it's not you. It's definitely me, but I just don't want to deal with that. So I just have fucking removed. I don't want to say to you, yeah, we'll be at restaurants now and then we're going right now, right now, leave. Michael, go. And it's like seriously, I'm rich family that he used to coach. And now I do this. Why do I keep doing my belt up? Dude, it's so rough looking at it. That's why I don't talk to them anymore. That's why. That's what you want out when we see him in restaurants. Do you want any more of that? Fucking hell. I'd say what makes me uncomfortable? Michael gets really uncomfortable when Julian is accidentally rude to waiters and waitresses. Yeah, it's just like one of those, you know how you taught as a kid, your parents sort of teach you certain things and then like when you see other people that don't do that, like makes you sort of cringe. Julian is the king of that shit. Like his parents fucked up hard with teaching him basic. He's actually got nice manners. Yeah, we can when he wants to. Yeah, he's good. As soon as something shits him a little bit, he flips it and it's like, nah, fuck this place. Fuck, why isn't there like two more peppercones on my pepper? Like it's the smallest shit that shits him. And then like it's... With Michael though, it is easy to embarrass Michael in public. All I have to do is just pretend to be some fucking gross over the top bogan and be really obnoxiously loud and Michael just fucking gets out of there as quick as he can. No, what fucking ruins me sometimes is when I'm the only one facing people and he's facing me, looking at me, looking at a wall and I've got everyone looking at me and he literally lifts his ass up. Like he'll be like... And then whatever, you know, those fucking sounds that come out, you hear it just echo through the restaurant. And then he just like puts his head down and I'm just left with everyone looking at me. And then like obviously because I fucking do love farts in the right area because the sound's so funny, I'm just giggling and it looks like I've fucking done it and it's so awkward dude. I always think about that when I sit down at tables. I was trying to position myself in a way where I can do it as I please and not have any repercussions. You did it great at Mexican the other night. We had a table behind us that looked like just one big table of social justice warriors and they just looked like they'd hate any type of us that was near him and Marty just said watch this and just farted straight away and I just had to look in the other direction. Did they fucking turn? They sort of put their heads up and all looked at each other and they just didn't say anything. A lot of the time it's just silence and like some people are like angry but no one's said anything yet. I get the guts to do it when I'm in the cinema because it's dark and I remember this one time I had so much gas and I was lifting up making sure I got the angle right to prolong the fart and it was like a quiet movie a lot of silent parts and Michael would always pick the best spot and everyone in the cinema heard it these are so fucking loud most of the time people just laugh. Then one girl after the third or fourth fart turns around and she's like can you please stop? She's right there like there That's what I mean James in a movie it's like some drama romantic movie and throughout the whole movie both of us just taking turns fighting as loud as we could until this woman had to come over and be like can you please stop that you're ruining the movie and then we left we had to leave because we couldn't control our guts because like laughter or just farting Farting and laughing because you're like oh you should have stayed would have you done it again if it came up I don't know she definitely would have gone and called for someone it's not illegal to fart no yet I bet you one day it fucking will be you could be disturbing people what if you identify as a fart yeah true then you're fine um alright well that was a good question yeah that was a long ring one man what's the next one next question is from chicken potato very easy one Michael do you ever wash your hair no I haven't washed it for ages do you want to I know maybe once every two weeks to be fair like I very rarely use any soap or anything like I just go I just go into the I have a freezing cold shower every night no I haven't had a hot shower for a year and a half and like if I'm really dirty I get some fucking soap and go for it but other than that I just rinse and it's fine sorry dude um the uncomfortable question was actually the most requested question as well well now you know everyone only beat out by two this question those from Addison Leet by the way were Matt's parents like him or was it learnt behaviour from the environment he grew up in well I know your parents that well so I imagine that something is wrong in your fucking brain can't to make you fucking function like that my parents are beautiful so it has to be me maybe they're too beautiful and you want a piece of them and that's what got your wires crossed how dare you how dare you how dare you I have been a therapist before um I also got one of the weirdest questions I've ever gotten before but anyway yes question for the podcasters from Air Force One the Air Force One the Air Force One the aeroplane itself holy fuck this will be good holy shit I'm ready if you guys were given the chance let's say someone offered you fresh dead human meat would you guys eat the human meat fresh and raw yes for a laugh no for yes if I could if I was allowed to I wouldn't enjoy it but I'd do it he added some parameters he said I'm not saying you have to kill someone or eat them yeah I read this let's say legally someone offered you guys fresh dead human meat legally don't hate it yeah for legally then yeah probably like a human leg would you guys eat it so can he guarantee that we won't get sick no oh well no let's just say you don't get sick okay and let's say you don't get questioned by the police yeah you don't if you don't get sick look great content great fucking content yeah think about that I'll have a little nibble 100% I'd eat it oh what if one of our friends lost a leg and donated it to you to eat yeah lost it what if there was gangrene all through it yeah then you got a bit of worry but no I'd definitely do it I wouldn't enjoy it at all I think you would meat in general is difficult apart from chica but yes Michael loves chics humans I don't know what part would you eat if you had to eat you need the toes no thigh inner thigh no you'd have toes I'd prefer a female to eat a female than a male I reckon a male's thigh would be tough tough for some reason and yeah I just want I like a semi fit so there's still a bit a bit of like fat on there it's not like a proper muscly female it's really hard to eat so semi fit oh really if you want lean if you want muscle then maybe I'd go a male thigh if you're eating at raw I would want lean as far because the fat is you can't chew through it it's so fat you know what you know I don't really eat meat so I don't let's ask Jeffrey Dahmer who's that Google it alright last question is from the juicy fruit can you guys try to find if there is a sauerkraut juice available in Australia and drink at least half a litre each this will flush you out so bad it's like a laxative or actually more like a laxabomb well why can't we just buy sauerkraut and then just juice it until we have half a litre of it Marty have you had it in juice form I've never had it in juice form it's very strange but I'll do it can you remind me of this and yeah if like I'll do it by the way that letter we got sent last week do you want to read Michael D coded it so someone sent a letter with lots of symbols and letters I've calmed down I've calmed down but Michael was pretty upset it was taking a long time did you and you couldn't be f**king finishing it yeah I got two thirds of the way there okay this is what the letter says everyone for those wondering from last week so here's the f**king coding system right a bunch of symbols symbols I got decoded into words and f**k I spent about 25 minutes on it and that's too long okay I've got you've got you've got washing I've got f**king shits in the freezer alright now Dear Marty and Michael my challenge for you guys is to make another spin the bottle and sprint with Charmy, Jaden and Lockie and Michael Fallon it must have 30,000 or more lives to get gift in the next second letter if need to my eye and then I got pissed off it's not only making sense well yeah look there was a spelling error there was two f's like what's lifts lives doesn't make sense yeah I'm not sure yeah maybe I coded it wrong it could very well be what's happened here that Michael's made some mistakes because I was just like and just assumed that this guy I was hurrying but yeah so we will it'd be fun to do that again but we can't really top the one that we did what one I hit you in the head spin bottle yeah it's pretty crazy so we could definitely step that up we could get a javelin in there well I would like it's a fun game would you play it what is it spin the bottle all that spin the bottle and sprint yeah spin the bottle oh yeah so we will run and get the fuck out of it and there's like items like a golf ball tennis ball not in a bar is James gonna play oh that's scary yeah well yeah yeah there's so many fucking videos we gotta do so you live I couldn't do this you live I'll do it I think you said you'd do it last week I'll do it okay Matt we'll do it thank you for all your questions guys remember keep them coming we ask the questions that get the most like so fucking just keep going and have a scroll and like the questions we literally read every comment everything Matt just said we already had read do you know what I mean yeah correct is that is that even for questions can't there's more but we're out of time for questions but they'll get answered next week there you go you can't this is exciting okay so we left you guys with some Chappelle Corby Bunt Bunt or Chappelle Corby and she fucking reply where to be defined then we're like fuck it let's get Huzy can't let's get Huzy can't come and then David Hasselhoff we did message him last week on the podcast he never replied we weren't expecting him to he's still sour at night did he see it no he hasn't seen it yeah oh it didn't even open it no it didn't happen but yeah anyway we thought we'd message Dave Hughes and just fucking just see what happens see if we can get a little video off of him anyway long story short we randomly start demanding that he adopts us and ask him to send us he says yes he says and if you sign a preen up you need to love me and not my money we said completely understand I've told our lawyer to drop some contracts and then he said ok but I get power of attorney I mean it's stern but fair anyway then we get into asking him for a video confirming it for legal reasons and wouldn't you fucking know it I am going to be Michael and Marty's father as late as the gun do you think Michael and Marty's father father father very good so fucking Dave Hughes has promised to adopt us so fucking fucking go on another successful hunt Andy from Hamish and Andy is not a hologram Hamish is definitely we don't know yet skeptical we've proven that Mercedes the Chappelle Corby system Mercedes is a human yep we've proven that Shane Warren can still spin and we've proven that Dave Hughes does want more children and he wants us we're going to say shit in the freezer Matt what are you going to do about that father Hughes do you want it wait until it's hard I'll get it for you then we'll have a play come on now enough of the schmutz is that what shit is no Shiza schmutz what's schmutz it's like dirt schmutz oh god alright here we go should we do it yeah it's time touch touch touch touch touch touch and this is a very friendly happy German segment for children where we read out German phrases as if I'm speaking to a fellow German very common phrases German yeah yeah German yeah yeah yeah German yeah water you have tomato in your eyes just tomato in your eyes let me see tomato in your eyes which means do you have tomatoes on your eyes like open your eyes just tomato in your eyes I said come on, no, no! I can just sort of... ...multiple into a spinny... ...fast through tomatoes and then I'll go... I would have tried it! Okay, this is a very friendly one. All in green! All in green! All in green range, all in green range, all in green range, such a strange world. Everything in green area, everything in green area. Which means everything's okay. So if you came in, came home. So it's like everything's in the clear for us. You've gone and had a check up at the doctor. Everyone's really nervous because they found all these suspicious alarms and they do the test. You get the news, you come out and you'd say, All in green area. To your family. Oh my God. Beautiful language. One more. Which means you don't have all the cups in the cupboard, which means you don't, you've lost your mind. You're a bit crazy. If you don't have all your tasselmen shrunk. Next segment. P.O. Unboxed in where we open shit that you guys send to us. We got some fun packages this week. They look big and fun. So if you want to send us anything, if you want us to fucking, I don't know, promote something, you've got a product, just send it here. We open everything live on the podcast. We've never opened this before. Could send a bomb. Anthrax could be a bottle of piss, frozen piss we've never had before. We've never had vomit. We've never had breast milk. There you go. Two little secrets. And we apparently have had a used tampon. Yeah. We had a used tampon. Oh, do we actually really? Yeah. Smell shit. Yeah. We both sniffed it. That is fucking fucked up, man. It wasn't as bad as. The shit was definitely filled the room. Yeah. Yeah. Like the smell was fine. She had like, I think the tampon was scented. You know, I looked at the podcast and leagues the other day. 96 or I think it's like 98% of people listen to blokes. What? It's crazy. Imagine how legendary those fucking 2% the chicks would be though. That's one of the girls I'm going to marry, dude. It's probably Nikki and Sabrina. Two of the biggest fans. There is. So literally 96%. It's crazy. On our instant, on our normal vids, it's what? 50, no, 75, 25. Yeah. Yeah. For the podcast. Because look at what we do. Yeah. All right. Here we go. I'm fucking, I've opened this big package. There's a white box inside. Look at this. What a fucking cool thing to send. So someone has sent us a megaphone. You know the thing where you're talking to and it makes things louder? So what do you call it a megaphone? Yeah. Yeah. It's a very cool idea. Actually. But buy the biggest and best if you're going to send it to us. No, no, no. The little ones are usually brutal. Easy for pranks. Keep it in. Thank you. Fucking, I should say cut that kind of, but I want my honesty to stay in. We want you guys to see that we make mistakes. Somebody get some batteries. Now this looks good. We're a little black box from where? Methuselah. Methuselah. Methuselah. M-E-T-H-U-S-E-L-A-H. Dear Marty and Michael, here is my product. Handmade, hand stitched with Italian and American leather. All right. Fuck yeah. Now. Handmade. All right. So they've got an Instagram Methuselah leather. Okay. Find them on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and Etsy. Thank you so much. And look at this. These leather wallets. These are fucking hand. So do I. I actually do need a new wallet. So there's two wallets here. I'll have both of them. This is so good because wallets are always so chunky. And then we got brown one and a blue one. Is that the siren? So we can prank people with that siren. All right. He sent us these leather key rings as well. I'm going to use this for Bosley's walk chain leash. Is that what you call it? And he sent us these fucking little bloody, what do you call them? Coasters. Coasters leather coasters. So thank you very much. I'm a sort of lawyer lever. Go and fucking check them out. Handmade. Thank you so much. That never happens these days, Matt. Matt would like some too, guys. We'll give him one of these. Yeah, there you go. Matt, have a fucking wallet. I want that one. All right. All right. I love gifts. That's very good. Gifts of fun. Onto the next segment. Fuck, what have we got left? Can't just the fucking prank call. That's it. Fuck me. Can't. All right. Something fucking special for the fucking prank call. You fucking dumb. Can't. What I'm going to do, right? I'm going to order an Uber. Then as soon as he says he's confirmed that he's coming, I'm going to call him. Then I'm going to be Arnold fine and tell him, ask him if he's all right, sweet to pick up a pig. Oh, hello, Uber driver. Yep. Oh, hello. My name Arnold. Are you driving to my house? A quick question. I have a three large pig. Large, you know, a pig. An animal pig? I have a three. I have a three large peak at my house. I ask you, you please, I put one, one peak in your back, back car, back seat of car. And then you take a peak to a tram side, drop off a tram side butcher. Okay. You can take one peak. You understand what I mean? One peak. No, no, I understand. Yeah. One animal. Okay. So you take one peak. It's a little bit dirty. A bit of a pig poo on the leg, a little bit of blood on the tummy. But I put a blanket down for you. Okay. Yeah. So the peak. Large or small one? It's probably 100, 110 kilo. So pretty big. But... No, it's too easy. 100 kilo is too big. I thought a lot. What if the boot, you have room in the boot. I tied a peak. I put a rope around it, a little leg, and it doesn't barely move. I rope around this little leg and shove it in the back there. And you take the peak and thrust it out of the butcher. I picked up a lot today. Okay. Well, how about I show you a peak? I show you the peak. And we see... Yeah, you show me. Okay. You arrive now, huh? Yeah, I'm coming just in one minute. Okay. I'll see you very shortly. We'll see you or go with peak. I'll love you, darling. I'll love you, darling. I'm going to run out and show him Bosley. We need to film this. We're going to film this. Okay. We're going to film this. Okay. There's a peak here. Your bark is some time. It's not too warm. You can take her to Chumside Butcher? It's not that. Sorry. You don't... Don't not take her. Okay, okay. Well... Actually, I already mentioned... Oh, God. It's a peak. It's a bark in the peak. Oh, you... You're really fucking my life up. My wife is sick. My wife. That worked out better than I thought it would. Holy shit, man. Okay, so the Uber driver rocked up. We'll have the audio and video. The video is pretty hard to see because it's dark here, but we'll put it in to the podcast. And on Spotify, yeah. So basically what happened was we went out there and I tried handing him Bosley saying it was the pig and he said, no, no, we can't take that. And it's pretty awkward. And then I gave him $20 and said thanks. Oh, I'm sorry for wasting your time. And we went. Fuck. Good people. That's the prank call. Very interactive prank call. Yeah, it was different dude. May I just say so? You thought of that yesterday. Very good idea. Poor old Bosley. Struggling to get out of me arms. We...