 Leave a brother's company makers of swan the soap with the exclusive super-creamed blend presents Our friends swan with my friend Irma Starring Mary Wilson is Irma and Kathy Lewis is Jane Friendship friendship Just a perfect Landship when other friendships have been forgot There's will still be hot Oh To be the private secretary of an important investment broker with the stock market as it is today And it's maddening enough to go from wall street home to west 73rd street on that murderous subway But that is comparative ecstasy To what greets me when I open the door to our apartment and see my beloved roommate Irma Peterson standing in the room with a bottle of whiskey in her hand pouring it on the geraniums So I say Irma why would you pour whiskey on the geraniums? And Irma said Jane the floor said flowers live longer if they're potted Mark like that from Irma is enough to make someone not only go off the wagon but throw themselves under it But that's Irma for you and I love her Jane you seem worried. What's the matter? Oh, everything's been so hectic down at the office with Richard away Where'd he go Jane? Oh, well, honey, he's gone to Nebraska on business. Oh Jane what shall we have for dinner tonight a big juicy steak or can of bizarre deans? Oh, what do you think Jane? Jane you're not listening to me. Huh? Oh, I'm sorry honey. I guess my mind was in Nebraska Well, at least you know where it is. My boss says I've lost mine Oh Jane why did Richard go to Nebraska? Well, honey, he's an investment broker and with the market the way it is He wants to get some first-hand information on the availability of farm machinery, you know You see in Nebraska is the center of the wheat belt of wheat fields and the grain elevators Oh, they keep the grain and elevators. No wonder the market keeps going up and down No, sweetie, it's it's not that kind of an elevator Irma you ought to know about grain. You were born on a farm in minnesota. Well ours was a dairy farm. We just had cows jerseys and Holsteins and Guernseys I remember I always wanted my father to buy a swiss cow because I love that cheese with the holes in it Yeah, honey, you probably wanted to keep a cow in a small bungalow so you could have cottage cheese Long distance. Yes. Yes operator. This is Jane Stacy What? Nebraska calling. Thank you. Irma. It's Richard. He's calling me from Nebraska Nebraska. Oh, you what a wonderful state the home of the Idaho potato Irma, please Hello, Richard Oh, yes, it's nice to hear your voice too what Howard Taikman. Yeah, yeah, of course. I know him. He's one of your best clients He's on his yacht anchored in Long Island Sound and you can't reach him Well, what do you want me to do? Will you please get off the line? No, no, not not you Richard. No, it's the other party on my line They're always cutting in we have a party line Yeah, now what were you saying? It was what? Oh lady, please. I'm talking long distance I can't help it if your teeth fell down the drain I was on the phone first Just a second Richard. I better write it down Irma and get a pencil. Get a pencil. I'll take this down. All right, Jane Go ahead Richard. Go ahead What's that? You'll call me back at seven o'clock tonight to tell me whether mr. Taikman is to buy or sell farm machinery Yeah Oh, yes, I know how important it is Richard Well, don't worry dear. I'll get to him on his yacht if I have to swim out to him in back Oh, sure do. I certainly miss you No, not you lady Oh, Richard, I better hang up this party line. Just driving me crazy I'll be waiting for your call at seven Bye Oh, honestly these party lines. I might as well try to carry on a conversation to Madison Square Garden It is it's really beyond endurance Irma, we've got to get a private line. Well Al says it's very hard to get a new phone today. He says they won't give you one unless you're a bookie Al is ridiculous. There must be some way we can get a private line It's only me professor Kropotkin Hello, Janey and Irma my two little rabbits One a little Easter bunny the other a little bugs bunny Why professor Excuse me a little joke. I thought up for the coming holidays Girls, do you mind if I use your telephone? Not at all I would use the payphone downstairs But Al has put so many slugs in it that I'm afraid when I lift up the receiver a voice will say this is your FBI Well, you're welcome to use ours professor, but we have a party line So there's all but somebody come cutting in. Well, I'll take a chance I'm calling my old friend Eli Well professor, why aren't you asking us to rally to put a phone in your room? In my room, it's impossible. No wall in the entire room is strong enough to hang the box on Hello Eli, this is Kropotkin. Yes, you're old friend from the Milwaukee Symphony Yeah, you're glad to hear from me. Well, it's always nice when old friends get to get Wait a minute Eli lady get off the phone. Can't you see we're talking? So tell me like how's everything with you? Huh? Hold it lady. Please. I'm trying to talk with my old friend Go ahead Eli What lady just a minute? You like my voice lady Eli keep still the lady is talking What lady? Well, thank you. I like your voice too Eli, please get off the line Go ahead lady. I think you hung up No, what are you saying tonight? I don't know what time Eli's that you again for goodness sakes. Get off This is not Eli. This is the lady's husband. Sorry wrong number Jenny, you're right. These party lines are terrible. Everybody's always butting in. I know what can I do about it Rich is going to call me on an important business matter from Nebraska tonight at seven And I'm just terrified that he won't be able to get through Well, girl, if you want to get your service change, you've got to know somebody important. Who do you know? Well, I know Al Irma darling that will change the servers. Your telephone wires will be tapped What can we do girls? These are your own problems me. I've got my own problems with my income tax Yeah, living alone. You haven't any dependence. The only dependent I got is my ceiling You put down your ceiling as a dependent? Certainly whenever I'm in my room. I have to support it I don't know what to do. You're worried Jane, huh? Well, certainly I'm worried, honey If our telephone is tied up tonight when Richard tries to call me, he may lose one of his biggest clients Oh, don't worry Jane. I'll take the receiver off the hook so nobody can use it. No No, Irma. No Come in Hello, Jane. Hi chicken Hello Al, honey Yeah, are you growing a mustache? Oh, no. No, this all comes from using the slug at the automatic What do you mean Al? Well, it was eating blackberry pine could only get the slot half open Chicken I've been trying to get you on the phone all day. Who you been talking to? I wasn't talking Al We're on a party line, you know Oh hate them party lines chicken when I call you up on the phone and throw you a kiss I want to know who's catching it Besides I've been trying to get you all day to tell you about my latest deal. Oh, that's the only time I'm glad the line was busy What is your latest brainstorm Al? Painting numbers on piano stools and selling them for roulette wheels This is one Joe is back and must make a fortune. What is it Al, honey? It's a man's suit designed to look like a pair of pajamas So if the watchman catches you in a store after it's closed you can tell him you're walking your sleep Oh Gee Jane isn't Al dynamite. Yes and someday someone's gonna put a fuse under him and blow him right out of that unemployment line Well as much as I hate to miss this priceless dialogue, I'm going to go down the telephone company and see if I can get a private line Goodbye kids Why does she want a private line? Well our phone is always busy and Jane is especially worried because Tonight she's expecting an important business call from Richard in Nebraska Well chickens, she ain't got a chance to get a private phone. Why not Al? Doesn't know the angles When you're dealing with a big corporation, you got to throw your weight around Threaten them. Hi Al. Chicken if you want to know how to deal with the telephone company There's only one man who can help us Who Al? Who else but hello Joe Al got a problem Irma is having a little trouble with her telephone Understand, you know a couple of collectors with a company. Yeah, you know those guys who go around taking the money out of the pay station Huh? They don't work for the company. They work for you Well, that Joe, how did you get your phone? Uh-huh Uh-huh Mm-hmm. You told him you were in business Ventilating what do you mean? Oh, you open second-story windows Well, the the business angle gives me a thought. Thanks for the lead, Joe. I'll take it from there. Come on chicken. We're off to the telephone company Well, miss Stacy, let me see Now your phone number is hilltop 5829. Yes, that's right Now the telephone company understands your problem and would like to give you a private wire, but we're short of equipment Oh, no, of course if it was an emergency case of illness Well, you see I live with Irma Peterson. Oh, is there anything wrong with miss Peterson? You have no idea I mean, uh, uh, well She isn't quite right. I mean, I know. I know it's it's hard to talk about things like that Sickness is something we must all bear at one time or another. Yeah Then you will try to help us mr. Ritterhawk Certainly, we'd be delighted to do anything that would get miss Peterson back to normal Thank you, mr. Ritterhawk. Goodbye Goodbye Well chicken here we are telephone company. Let's go in The man you have to see is mr. Ritterhawk Oh, just tell him you're in business But with people breaking in on your telephone line the customers get mad and hang up as a result your business is dropping off Got it. Got it. Let's have it back once just to play safe I'm in business hanging customers, but with people breaking the line my customers drop off Hold it Just take your time. Come on. Yes folks. What can I do for you? I'd like to have a private line What's your telephone number a hilltop 5829 hilltop 5829 Are you by any chance erma peterson? Yes, I'm erma peterson and I'd like to have a private line right away Please do you live with miss jane stacey? Yes Why I thought you were sick. That's ridiculous. I never felt better in my life You see mr. Ritterhawk miss peterson here is in business. I see uh, what kind of business a She's um, she's a mannequin. That's right. I do impersonation. You know What's going on here, mr. Ritterhawk, I may not weigh much, but I'd like to throw my weight around I beg your pardon either you give us a private line or we take our business elsewhere. Well miss That's the way you want it the telephone company doesn't want to stand in the way of a great impersonator You may consider your telephone disconnected as of now the reason misrepresentation good day Burrell Didn't I tell him tell him Chicken they're taking the phone out Now how will richard be able to talk to jane at seven? Well, I'm not a genius. I can't solve everybody's problems at once You know ladies you can tell swan differs from other soaps just by feeling a cake of swan It feels smoother as susie swan says Swan is really different The feel of swan will tell you in a minute Just feel a cake of swan and you will see that swan is different as can be The reason friend it's super cream blend says susie Yes, only swan has this exclusive super cream blend the blend that makes swan differ from other soaps You can feel the difference when you run your fingers over a cake of swan It feels smoother. You can feel the difference in swan's lather. It's creamier richer more abundant That's why swan does an extra mild extra thorough cleansing job on your skin Yes, thanks to swan's exclusive super cream blend swan lather cleanses so gently Renses away so thoroughly that your skin looks smoother fresher younger Remember the swan look is a young look Well, it's almost seven and i'm waiting here by the phone for richard's call from nebraska Alan erm are both here and i don't like the way they're acting Especially ermah She has that same expression she had on her face the day she sold my leopard coat for a dollar Because the man told her that leopards were often known to turn on their masters Irma Yes, jane You're acting very strangely There's something wrong Uh, no jane Why are you so silent? Well, you know jane, um Silence is golden. Yeah, and we want to save up so we can get married Well, whatever the two of you are up to when richard calls. I don't want any talking don't worry. You won't hear a sound chicken Of course, we'll be quiet jane. We realize how important this call is. Yeah, just so you know well Well, I guess I'll go in the bathroom and wash up. You call me honey if the phone rings Oh, what shall we do? I wonder if they cut the phone off here chicken. Don't use the word phone jane might hear Refer to it as uh, uh, louis. I'll know what you mean. All right, al Uh, al will you lift louis head up and see if he's still alive? Just what I intended to do chicken Told you to stay off the phone. Only be a second. Hello. What's am you don't say? Oh, that's too bad. Goodbye Chicken prepare yourself for a shock Louis is dead I Never hear his golden voice again What do we do? Irma, who is this louis? Uh, just an old friend. Uh, go back to your washing jane All right, al but stay off the phone now Call me if it rings Oh, al how jane will find out the phone is disconnected Maybe I'll have to tell her no chicken that phone has a long chord. She'll strangle the two of us Got to resort to what is known in the trade as a fast shuffle What do you mean al? We'll ring the alarm clock You grab the phone and pretend you're talking to richard when jane comes out you hang up and give her the message Jailer, are we doing the right thing and tell till we see how it turns out But richard is to tell jane whether mr. Tightman should buy our cell. What shall I say either one chicken can't stop to become financial experts When our lives hang in the balance Here goes the alarm clock the phone ringing. What uh richard. Yes richard. Richard. Irma. Give me the phone All right, richard. Uh, goodbye richard Irma What's the matter with you? Why didn't you let me talk to him? Uh, he was in a hurry That was his last nickel But he gave me a message chicken richard gave you the message for mr. tightman. Yes Gee, that's strange Well, tell me was mr. tightman to buy or to sell? Yes Yes, what? Uh, yes, uh, he wants mr. tightman to sell Are you positive? Of course. I'm positive sell Yeah, yeah Well, if that's his message, I better get over to mr. tightman hand me the phone al. I'll call a cab We'll do it for you jane How do you like that this darn party line is always busy. Oh dear. Well, I'll get a cab downstairs that party line Thank heavens. We won't have to put up with this phone much longer. You can say that again Well chicken, are you a little proud of the way I got us out of that spot? Oh, but al jane will try the phone sooner or later Oh, what can we do? But But maybe I can snip the cord with a pair of scissors Then I can tell jane the operator is cut off. No No, no no chicken. Oh, maybe we can hang it out of the window jane always wanted an extension phone. Forget it jane We have survived the crisis So long as jane doesn't find out tonight tomorrow morning You can apologize to the phone company and they'll restore the service and jane will never be the wiser Oh, al you're so wonderful You put so much confidence in my mind that it makes my head feel like the rock of Gibraltar Oh, hello jane everything, uh taking care of yeah Yeah, I saw mr. Teichman on his yacht Of course, he's a little surprised that richard wants him to sell but he's given orders to unload He just left on an overnight cruise. Well, that takes care of that Jane how about going with chicken tonight or movie tonight on me? On you? Well, sure things look pretty good. You know march is a long month. I get five unemployment checks All right Excuse me for bothering you so late girls, but I've got a terrible toothache Oh, that's too bad professor. Oh that mrs. O'Reilly I never should have made up with her Tonight she had to bake me an angel cake. I think she left a harp in it Jane could I please use your phone to call the dentist? You can't talk professor. You got a sore tooth. I'll get it for you. Thank you, al circle 8884 right How do you like that that dame is still on this party line? Oh, well, it's about time someone told her off Hand me that phone now. Oh, Jane. Oh, we'll be late for the movie. Give it to me. I'll I'll tell her hello hello but There's no one on here There's not even a dial sound This phone is dead How do you like that the the dame talked the life right out of it? You're queer chicken. I can't understand this Telegram for mrs. Stacey. Oh, yes, uh, I'll take it. Uh, here you are boy. Thank you, miss Yeah, I wonder who it's from Hey, it's from Richard Unable to reach you Phone company says your phone has been disconnected since three o'clock Imperative you notify tykeman to buy to buy Oh Irma al don't you dare move I think I'll go to the dentist A site like this. I can't take without nova canes Irma peterson Al how could you do a thing like this to me to richard To an innocent man like mr. Tykeman who will lose a fortune We didn't mean it jane you you see we went down to the phone company and I started to throw my weight around But I didn't know it would land on you Irma Well, gee, it's it's just one of those things jane After all it's it's human nature for people to make mistakes and chicken and me We're always going back to nature Good night, al Good night Good night chicken Sorry jane. You're sorry when you cut a hole and my coats of the moths could fly out You were sorry the time you put flypaper on the chair because I said I wanted Richard to stick around You put Paris green in the candy because st. Patrick speaks to me again the office Gotten all my things together. So when Richard comes back and fires me it won't take me long to make an exit Although I've refused to speak to her. Irma's followed me to the office She's sitting here looking like a cocker spaniel who's just chewed up the rug I'm sorry. Will you ever forgive me? Irma peterson Miss Stacy. Where's mr. Rhinelander? Oh, well, you see mr. Teichman mr. Rhineliner's in Nebraska But but he thought I know how he thought he out thinks everybody Everybody bought but he was the only one who sold I made a fortune It was a lucky day for me when I went for the rhinelander investment company Well, I'll see him later. I'm off to trade in my yacht. Who knows I may even negotiate for the queen many I've made it killing Goodbye Irma, I'm sorry Will you ever forgive me? Oh, certainly Jane all of us can't be bright You know something Right now I'm in no position to argue with my friend Irma Folks in just a moment I'm going to tell you the names of more big winners in the $100,000 lever fur contest But first I'd like to tell you why so many women prefer swan soap for their complexion care It's because swan alone has that wonderful super cream blend Why even the way a cake of swan feels tells you that it differs from other soaps Swan has an extra smoothness. You can actually feel in the cake itself You can feel a difference in the lather too Swan's lather feels richer creamier and swan's super cream blend makes that swan lather rinse away so completely That your skin glows with freshness and life. It's left softer smoother younger No wonder the swan look is a young look And now the top winners in the fourth week of the big lever fur contest first prize Mrs. E. H. Ternock of 57 21 elwood street pittsburgh, pennsylvania You win a gorgeous three thousand dollar mink coat or the cash Congratulations, mrs. Ternock the second prize winners are mrs. A. J. McCracken 1216 elm street cambridge, ohio Mrs. Gladys car edward mariland mrs. fredby hooper 135 south grove albany new york You each win a luxurious one thousand dollar fur coat or the cash Nice going the other three hundred twenty five winners in the fourth week's contest will be notified by mail Listen next week for more winners And now may I present mr. McCullough st. John's managing editor of radio mirror and photo play magazines Thank you, mr. Bingman as the representative of the many thousands of readers of radio mirror magazine Who have voted my friend ermah their favorite new Comedy program of 1947 I want to present these citations to cy howard the creator and writer producer director of my friend ermah And to the other wonderful members of the my friend ermah cast Congratulations to all of you and to your sponsor swan soap Thank you very much. Mr. st. John We are indeed happy that our friend ermah has such a loyal following And while the thank-yous are being passed around I'd like to make a bow to the people in our cast who have worked so hard and done so much to make the program a success My personal thanks go to marie wilson and kathy louis our lovely stars to haunts conread john brown life ericsson gloria gordon and ludd glaskin for his wonderful music And a special thank you the park levy my writer colleague Folks next monday evening. Listen again to your friend swan with my friend ermah frank bingman speaking Yes, there's a reason why spry is the cake making wonders spry has an amazing cake improver secret Try the spry one bowl way and be certain of lighter finer richer cakes every time No other type of shortening has spry's cake improver for new cake making success rely on spry the pure all vegetable shortening My friend ermah presented by swan another fine product of lever brother's company was produced and directed by sci-howard Tonight's script was written by sci-howard and park levy Tune in next week one hour earlier and listen to the luxe radio theater immediately followed by my friend ermah This is cb as the columbia broadcast